One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 4, Episode 17 - Going Nowhere - full transcript

Depression hits poor Julie as her career in fashion is going nowhere.

♪ This is it

♪ This is life, the one you
get so go and have a ball

♪ This is it

♪ Straight ahead, and rest
assured you can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none,
just take it like it comes

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time

- (laughs) I don't believe it.

- Don't believe what?

- You know how once a
year, I try to make a souffle

and it always drops?

- Yeah.

- (laughs) It dropped.

- So what else is new?

- See, my mother could
make them in a camper

going up a mountain
road at 50 miles an hour.

They never dropped.

I've always
resented her for that.

Would you look at this?

It is flat, it is
absolutely flat.

- Yeah, have you tried silicone?

What happened with Julie?

- What do you mean?

- Design school, she's
supposed to get her grades

on her portfolio today.

- Oh yeah, that's right.

I don't know,
she's not home yet.

- Probably out celebrating.

- I hope so, this really
means a lot to her.

- Yeah, she really worked
hard on that final project.

She had practically no
social life in the whole month.

- What are you talking about?

She had three
dates just last week.

- That's what I mean,
she really had to cut down.

- I hope it was worth it to her.

- Yeah, well, if she gets
good grades on her design,

she could be in line
for an apprenticeship.

- Watch out, Givenchy,
here comes Julie.

- Mom, I've been thinking.

If Julie really does start
making it big in fashions,

she'd be going to Paris.

She'd get rich, send
for us, live in a chateau

and have a French cook
who could make a souffle.

- That's a cheap shot.

- Don't feel bad.

At least your crepes
come out nice and fat.

Here she is, Indiana's
answer to Edith Head.

- Julie, how did it go?

- Well, my project
caused quite a sensation.

- Oh, no kidding?
- Great, we knew they would.

- I tell you, the teacher
spent an entire hour

talking to me.

- (whoops) Congratulations.

He really liked
your sketches, huh?

- Which ones did he like best?

- My hostess gown
caused quite a stir.

- That's my favorite.

- The halter dress
really caught his eye.

- The man's got great taste.

- But the coup de grace was
my see through disco dress.

- Well.

That one tells it like it is.

- And shows you where it's at.

Julie, I think
they're all beautiful.

- You really like them?

- Yeah, I do.

- Then you can share them.

- Julie.
- Ma, he hated them.

All of them.

- You said he talked
to you over an hour.

- Yeah, took him
that long to explain

why I shouldn't
be in the business.

He was very nice about it.

He used words like
average, fair, workable.

What it all added
up to was lousy.

- I think they're
very interesting.

- Interesting, that's
another word he used.

He said if I'd like
to finish school

and sew for myself,
that would be fine,

but if I was seriously
considering a career

as a designer, I'd
only be kidding myself.

- That's only one man's opinion.

- Right, Barbara's right.

- Mom, no.

Down deep I guess
I've always known

that I don't have what it takes.

- Julie.

- You should see the stuff
the other kids are doing.

They have real talent.

- Honey, have you been
feeling like this for a long time?

You never talked to us about it.

- I didn't want you to know.

I didn't want you to
be disappointed in me.

Mom, I wanted this so much.

Every plan I've made
has to do with designing.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

What am I gonna do?

- Honey, honey,
it's gonna be okay.

- Greetings, ladies,
greetings and felicitations.

Has this been a
great day or what?

- Definitely what.

- You can say that
again, because I have

an exciting news bulletin.

- Schneider, could you
come back some other time?

- Later.

First, I would like you to
hear the exciting news bulletin.

Today a new singles bowling
champion was crowned

at IBM, film at 11.

- IBM?

- Indianapolis
Building Maintenance.

That's our union bowling league.

Once again, yours truly,
your humble servant, moi,

was high scorer.

- On or off the lanes?

- Off the lanes, they've
already retired my number.

- Schneider,
really, it's terrific.

We can't tell you
how delighted we are.

- Yeah, this kind of
makes my whole year.

- Congratulations, Schneider.

It's nice to see someone
go get what they want.

- I tell you, makes
me tingle all over

to set out an objective
and to go ahead and get it,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Schneider, why don't
you show your trophy

to the other tenants?

- I already have.

I saved you guys for last.

Julie, since you are
the varsity seamstress,

I would like you (chuckles)
to sew my new title

on the back of
my bowling jacket.

- Schneider, not now.

- Turn around,
it'll take a second.

The guys down at the lodge,
they gave me these letters.

They spell champ.

You hold them and I'll
place them on the back

where I want you
to sew them, okay?

Here we go, what
do we got there?

- There's an M.

- That's an M, that's
close to the end.

- C.
- C, CM, there we go.

- P.

- P, CMP, yeah.

- Here's an H.

- H, let me have it.

All I need now is the A.

Give me the A.

- Oh, um...
- Here we go.

What a bunch of
wise guys, chimp.

You get the idea.

You get started, I'll
see if I can't round up

an A someplace.

I used to have an uncle
who pitched for Alcatraz.

What a hook ball he had.

Hit the warden
right in the molars.

Had 30 days...
- Schneider, I'm sorry.

I've quit the business.

- You what?

- I don't think Julie feels
like talking about it right now.

- No, hey, what
have I got to hide?

I washed out in design school.

Film at 11.

- Oh, wow.

And I came in here
bragging, boasting.

- Schneider, I'm just
not a good designer.

- Are you kidding?

I got nothing but
compliments on that bunny suit

that you made for me
for the Easter egg hunt

over at the lodge.

You thought of everything.

Almost everything.

I'll never again drink
any beer in a bunny suit

with no zipper.

- Schneider, I'm
finished, I'm through.

My career is over
before it even started.

- Big deal, so you're not
gonna be a dress designer.

- Yeah, big deal.

- Julie, Schneider is right.

You are creative, imaginative,

why, there are plenty
of things you can do.

- That's right, sis.

- Absolutely.

Today, women can do anything.

- You bet.
- You could join the Navy.

Get a sign-on aircraft carrier.

Serve coffee and
donuts to the fliers.

- Schneider, thanks,
but I think maybe

we should be alone to talk.

- Oh yeah, sure.

Oh, before I go, there's
a letter here for you.

It was delivered to
Miss Leroux by mistake.

But it's from the
University of Wisconsin,

so you know it's
not for Miss Leroux.

Although she said she did
once date the whole football team.

- Mom, I've been accepted.

- Oh, Barbara.

- Terrific.
- Congratulations.

- Oh, the third college
you've been accepted to.

- Third college?

Whoever said brains
are only skin deep?

- Big deal, Wisconsin.

Who wants to go there anyway?

What am I supposed
to major in, cheese?

- Barbara, don't play it down
on my account, huh, kiddie?

I'm real happy for you.

You're gonna go to college.

Schneider's gonna
go on Celebrity Bowling

and I'm going nowhere.

(TV playing)

- Hi honey.

- Hi.

- How was your day?

- Oh, interesting, very busy.

- Good.

What have you been doing?

- I'm currently involved in
an in-depth intellectual study

of one of the sociological
phenomenas of modern times.

- You watch TV.

- Yeah, first I saw,
"Nyah, what's up, doc?"

Then I moved on to... (mimics
Woody Woodpecker's laugh)

Now I'm topping it off with a
little meep meep, meep meep.

- Well, when I was your age
and I was feeling depressed,

the Mouseketeers always
used to cheer me up.

- When you were my
age, you were married.

- Yeah, but don't think it
didn't make your father mad

to come home for
dinner and find me

watching the Mouseketeers.

- All right, mom, I forgot
to make dinner, I'm sorry.

- Hey, no, I wasn't hinting.

If I were mad at you, I'd yell.

- Go ahead and
yell, I don't care.

- Hey, take it easy, okay?

I know you're depressed, but
three days with Bugs Bunny?

- Mom.

- Julie, are you just gonna
keep on sitting around?

- I didn't sit around
all day and watch TV.

I washed my hair, I got dressed.

I started to go out,

but I think I'm coming
down with something.

- Did you call the
employment agencies?

- Mom, I told you
I don't feel well.

I think I've got
the Russian flu.

My head keeps
tilting to the left.

Anyway, it makes you very tired.

- Well, did you at least
look through the want ads?

- Mother, there are so many
wonderful opportunities for me.

Floor Corporation
needs computer analysts.

TRW is looking
for MIT graduates.

And then again, we always
have the geophysicists.

- Okay, Julie.

I'm gonna start dinner
and then we can talk, okay?

- [Julie] I'm not hungry.

- Well, you gotta eat something.

What do you want?

- Maybe some Cocoa Booms.

- What?

- Nutter Butter peanut butter.

Maybe I have been
watching too many cartoons.

- Okay, Julie, come on.

I want you to sit up.

Come on, up, up, up.

I want you to listen to me.

Come on, come on.

Julie, look, I know you're
having an acute attack

of disappointment in yourself.

But heavens, you're
only 19 years old.

You got your entire
life ahead of you.

- That is so depressing.

- Honey, I think I know
what you're going through.

You've been hurt and you
just need some time to regroup.

- Dammit, Mom, would
you stop being so motherly?

I don't need your pity.

- You don't have my pity, Julie,

I'm just trying to understand.

Now the way I see it,
one setback doesn't make

your entire life a failure.

- Ma, not now, okay?

I think I'll watch
Walter Cronkite.

Maybe bad news
will even cheer me up.

- Julie, in this house,
we talk things over.

- Oh, here comes the lecture.

- No lecture, Julie.

I'm just trying to explore
the situation with you

to make you see that
you're hurting yourself.

- Sounds like a lecture to me.

- Would it help if I were
sponsored by Cocoa Booms?

Julie, there are 11,000
occupations available

to a person in your age bracket.

So you weren't
successful in one.

That leaves
10,999 possibilities.

- Where did you
get that statistic?

- Department of Labor.

Okay, so I made it up,
the point is the same.

- The point is that
there is no point, Mom.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking that I
should have gone to college

and had a profession, right?

Been a teacher.

You know what my chances
would be of getting a job then?


50 that I don't get a job
and 50 that if I do get the job,

I'll get mugged
in the classroom.

I tell you, Mom, it is
completely hopeless.

- We do have the
weight of the world

on our shoulders
this evening, don't we?

Julie, why don't you
stop feeling so damn sorry

for yourself and
just get off your butt?

- Okay, Ma, don't
worry, I'll do that.

I'll do exactly what you did.

I'll get married and do nothing.

- Okay, cutie, look.

I'm here if you want to talk.

But right now, if I don't
get out of this room,

it's called kill.

- It certainly won't be with
kindness and understanding.

- Julie, where are you going?

- I'm just going, that's all.

- Hi, anybody want a lollipop?

- You and your smile.

You make me sick.

- Go ahead, make
holes in your teeth.

(phone ringing)

- Free clinic.

Yes, we're open 24 hours.

You're welcome.

- Excuse me.

- Yes, can I help you?

- Well, I don't know.

You see, I have this
friend who has this problem.

- Maybe you should
bring your friend in.

- You see, it's a
strange coincidence

because my friend
and I are very close

and we have the same problem.

- That happens a lot here.


- Well what?

- Your problem.

- Oh.

Do you have any private rooms?

- Of course.

If you just tell
me what's wrong,

I'll arrange for you to
see one of our doctors.

Is your problem physical?

- Well, sort of.

I feel listless.

I don't have any energy.

I just sit around all
day, watching TV.

- Daffy Duck?

- Bugs Bunny.

- You're depressed.

- Oh, yeah.

- When you're down, there's
only one direction you can go.

- Yeah, further down.

- Oh, you are depressed.

Dr. Lewiston can help you.

What's your name?

- Cooper.

Barbara Cooper.

- Okay, Barbara.

If you'll just take a seat,

I'll call you when the
doctor can see you.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

- Thanks.

Is that seat taken?

Do I look as
depressed as you do?

- Bug off.

- Well, I guess not.

You been here before?

- If I was, you
think I'd tell you?

- Apparently not,
what's your problem?

- Why, you need one?

- No, I already have one.

Forget it.

- My parents say I
don't relate to people.

What do they know?

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

- Everybody hates me.

- I don't hate you.

- That's because
you don't know me.

Stick around, you'll
grow to despise me.

- What's your name?

- Bernard.

- It's nice to meet
you, Bernard.

- Yeah, that's what they all
say for the first five minutes.

- What are you, paranoid?

- What do you mean by that?

Yeah, I guess I am a little.

- I was only trying
to be friendly.

- Listen, you're not here
for a social disease, are you?

- I'm not that friendly.

What about you?

- What, are you kidding?

Before you can catch a social
disease, you gotta be social.

- Come on.

- Hey, I know what I am.

Even the name
Bernard is a turn off.

My parents were out to
get me right from the start.

- Well, if it bothers
you that much,

why don't you just
change your name?

- To what?

Do I look like a Tyrone?

Would anybody believe me
as a Duke or Rip or Rock?

My parents made
the right choice.

I bet they really wanted
to call me Ber-Nerd.

- You really are down
on yourself, aren't you?

- Wouldn't you
be if you were me?

- Listen, when you're down,

it sometimes
really helps to talk.

- Trouble is, you
can't talk to yourself.

They think you're crazy.

You gotta talk to people.

- That's generally
the way it's done.

- I can't do it.

- Why not, are you
afraid of people?

- No, it's just that I figure
every time I open my mouth,

I'm gonna get
zapped, that's all.

- Yeah, so you zap them first.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Hey, believe
me, I've been there.

You're just like me.

You don't feel too good
about yourself right now.

- If I could ask myself
for a divorce, I would.

And I'd take myself for
everything I was worth.

- Maybe you should
see a marriage counselor.

- Yeah, right.

- Come on, things
could be worse.

- Yeah, I could be twins.

- Isn't there someone
that you're close to?

- There's Betty.

- Betty?
- It's my cat.

She's the only one that
ever shows me any affection.

Every now and then, she
rubs up against my leg.

- At least you got
a leg that's loved.

- Yeah, at dinnertime.

- Bernard, a cat really wasn't
exactly what I had in mind.

A brother, a girlfriend.

- Girlfriend,
what's a girlfriend?

- Bernard, there's gotta be
someone that you can talk to.

Someone you like.

- I like the girls where I work.

- Where do you work?

- I work at a topless bar.

- Really?
- I play sax.

- You play the sax?

That's my favorite instrument.

- This is the part
where you pretend

to be interested, right?

- No.

Have you heard of David Sanborn?

- David Sanborn,
he's only my idol.

- I love him, I've
got all of his records.

- I can't believe that
you know who he is.

- Yeah, I love music.

- That's great.

- I love musicians too.

I think they're crazy.

- Yeah, we're a million laughs.

- Come on, there you go again.

What about these
girls where you work?

Is there one you really like?

- There's Lola.

She's always knocking
over my music stand

during her grand finale.

- You ever talk to Lola?

- I could never do that.

- Why not?

- I might faint or
die or something.

- You've been sitting
here talking to me

and I haven't seen
you faint or die once.

- But I don't like you.

I don't mean it like that.

I'm sorry, I hope I
didn't hurt your feelings.

- No, I'm pretty tough.

- You're pretty
nice too, Miss...

- Julie.
- Bernard.

- Bernard Mathison.

- That's me.

I don't want to
talk to a counselor.

- Why not?

- I'd rather stay
here and talk to you.

With you, it's so easy.

- That's because you're
giving me a chance.

Why don't you go give
the counselor a chance?

- I don't know.

- Come on, Bernard.

You can't keep running away.

You gotta face up to yourself.

Give yourself a start.

- All right, I'll give it a try.

Listen, if it doesn't work out,

can I come back
here and talk to you?

- Sure.

- Thanks Julie.

- For what?

- This is the first time I can
remember talking to somebody

without getting nauseous.

- Bernard?
- I'm coming.

- Good luck.
- Bye Julie.

- Bye.

- It's been four
hours, where is she?

- It's okay, Miss Romano.

It's all right, your
worries are over.

I found Julie for you.

- Schneider,
where'd you find her?

- In the elevator.

- Hi.

- I made sure she got
off at the fourth floor.

- Is it okay for me to be here?

- This is your home.

- Do you hate me?

- No, I don't hate you.

- Listen, I hope I didn't
have you guys too worried.

Ma, I'm very sorry about
blowing up at you like that.

But Mom, something really
great came out of tonight.

I met someone who was 10
times more depressed than I was.

- You met the
mayor of Cleveland?

- Close.

He sort of put things
into perspective for me.

It was inspiring.

- Where'd you meet
this guy, in church?

- The free clinic.

- The free clinic?

Isn't that where they
give you the shots

for mal de hanky panky?

- Among other things.

Mom, what it gave
me was a chance

to learn what I'm good at.

It was such a wonderful
feeling when this depressed guy

told me I didn't
make him nauseous.

- Could you run that
by me once again?

- I was actually
able to help this guy.

I told Dr. Lewiston
how lousy I felt

when I came into the
clinic and how great I felt

after I had helped this guy.

And he told me about
this volunteer program

where you can go down there
and kind of help the people

who help the people.

- Julie, you always have
been really good with people.

As long as they're
not family, that is.

- I owe it all to you, Ma.

If we hadn't had that fight,
I wouldn't be so happy now.

- (chuckles) That's so true.

I remember when I
was just a little tyke.

My father would give
me a whipping and I'd cry,

and then he'd cry.

Then we'd go out and
we'd have a couple of beers,

talk about my future.

- Thank you, Schneider.

Julie, you want to tell
us more about this?

- Yes, it's only a
volunteer program

so I really wouldn't
be getting any money

but it could turn
into a real paying job.

And it's a chance to make a
difference and to help people.

- Taking in strays.

You've been doing that
since you were a little girl.

- I started with Barbara.

You know, I've been
thinking that eventually

I could become a counselor.

And if I go back to school,
I could be a psychologist.

- Wow, sounds to
me like you've got

someplace to go tomorrow.

- Thank God.

- Congratulations.
- Yeah, that's terrific.

- It really is, it really is.

- Thank you.

- You know, Barbara
is right about something.

You really are
terrific with people.

Could you give me some advice?

- Yes.
- Okay.

There's this mother, see,
and she's got this daughter

that she's real proud of.

But the daughter has
been sloughing off lately.

I mean, her room's a mess
and she leaves the dishes

in the sink and she hasn't
been helping with dinner

and she hasn't done
her ironing or anything.

Tell me, what do you think
this mother ought to do?

- I bet she's
talking about Julie.

- I think this mother
ought to sit down

and let the daughter
make a lovely dinner

and then afterwards,
she'll do all her chores.

She will clean her
room, she will vacuum,

she will water the plants.

Oh, you won't believe it.

- [Narrator] One Day at a
Time was recorded live on tape

before a studio audience.