One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 3, Episode 11 - Schneider's Kid - full transcript

The Romano's run into a young man who is Schneider's son from a previous marriage.

♪ This is it ♪ This is it

♪ This is life the one you get

♪ So go and have
a ball ♪ This is it

♪ This is it

♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured

♪ You can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a time,
One day at a time.

♪ So up on your
feet. Up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing.

♪ Don't you worry none

♪ We'll just take
it like it comes.

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time.

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time.

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time.

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time.

- Barbera, Mom, sit down.

You are not gonna believe
this this is gonna blow your mind

I still can't believe it.

- You got a job.

- No, I was coming thought
the lobby and there he was.

- A flasher.

- You are gonna flip out when
you find out who this guy is,

just a second.

Here he is.

- Oh, I really should spend
much more time in the lobby.

- Mom, Barbera,
this is Ronnie Baxter.

Tell 'em who you
really are, Ronnie.

- Ronnie Baxter.

- Not that, I mean tell
'em why you're here.

- Right, I'm looking for
Mr. Dwayne Schneider.

- C'mon Ronnie, tell 'em why.

- Because I never met
him and he's my father.

- Schneider is your father?

- He never told us he had a son.

- I guess there's maybe
a good reason for that.

Nobody ever told him.

- He doesn't know about you?

- If he doesn't know about
you that must mean you're illig...

How'd it happen?

- My mother and
Mr. Schneider got a divorce

before they knew
I was on the way.

I had no way of telling them.

- Well, yeah Schneider did
say something about being

married 15-20 years.

- Could we make it 20?

I'm 19.

- You got it, 20.

- Anyway, my mother
couldn't keep me

and she knew that the
Baxters wanted a child,

so they adopted me
and took me to California.

Legally I'm a Baxter.

- But you're also a Schneider.

- Yeah, I guess so.

I haven't been able
to find my mother,

but I did manage to come
across a few records that led me

to Mr. Schneider, my father.

So, here I am.

- Yeah, sure are.

Are you sure it's him?

- Positive.

I have this picture of them
taken on their honeymoon.

That's my mother with
my father's arm around her.

- Hey, the man's been
cut out of the picture.

- I guess they didn't
get along so good.

Anyway, all I know about
my father is that he was

a tattooed right arm.

- Yeah, well, that's
Schneider's arm alright.

I'd recognize that
mermaid anywhere.

- It hasn't aged a bit.

- You know, I'm scared.

What do you do when you
meet your father for the first time?

- I don't remember what I
did, it was long time ago.

- You spit up on him.

- Maybe it'd be better if I
just shook hands with him.

- Why don't you just say,
"Hi, Dad, guess who I am?"

- Barbera.

Look, I'm sure that you're
gonna find the words

when you meet
you're, Mr. Schneider.

- Yeah, hope so.

- Yeah, you will.

Look Schneider's
gone fishing for the day,

but you're welcome to wait here.

- Actually, I think I'll
go back to my hotel,

try to get myself together.

- Yeah, where are you staying?

- At the Fairview.

I'd really appreciate it if you

could call me when he gets back.

- Sure, sure.

- Okay, thanks a lot.

- Do you want us to tell
him anything about this?

- That might be a good idea.

So, you'll call me?

- Yeah, I will.

- Thanks.

- This is so weird.

- How are we
gonna tell Schneider?

- Well, we're gonna have
to handle this very delicately.

I mean, we have to tell a
man that he is a proud father

of a 160 pound boy.

Now, I'll get Schneider alone.

- Alone?

- Wait a second, Mom.

(incoherent arguing)

(audience applauding)

- Schneider.

- You're not fishing.

- No, no I'm gonna fix
the toilet on the Titanic.

- Uh, Schneider,
something has turned up.

- Something extraordinary.

- You wanna hear
extraordinary, look,

I went fishing today.

- Wait a minute Schneider.

- I hooked into the biggest
largemouth bass you've

ever seen, he must have
been about 15 pounds.

- Bigger than fish
have happened.

- He broke my rod, right.

My boots are filled with water,

so I grabbed the
line with one hand,

then I grab the
tree slowly, surely,

he pulled me out of the trees...

- Can you quit it with
the fish for a minute?

- I am not talking fish,

I'm talkin' a 20 pound
largemouth bass.

Do you know how
difficult a largemouth is?

- You bet.

Now, Schneider I
want you to sit down.

- What do you mean?

- I got something
that I wanna tell ya.

- Hey look, if a 25 pound
largemouth bass can't knock me

off my feet, nothing
you can say can.

Go ahead, shoot.

- Okay, Schneider, oh,

it's gotta be cashed
into delicate terms.

You're a father.

You're a father, you have a son.

- Schneider?

Watch my lips, you are
the father of a fine boy.

We just met him.

It's true.

- Darlin', do you understand
what we're saying to you?

- I have a father.

- Not father, son.

- My father has a son.

- No, you do.

- Who told ya?

- He did.

- My father?

- No, Schneider look,
your son, we just met him.

- He's 19 years old.

- He's 19?

That's almost 20, '67,
'57, 1957 I was in the Navy.

Well, we stopped in Tokyo...

There was a nurse.

Wait a minute, the
shore patrol broke that up.

This is impossible.

- Schneider look, he was here.

Your blond, handsome,
well built son.

- Well, just because
some kid looks like me

don't mean he's my son.

- Schneider, you were married
about 20 years ago, remember?

- Yeah, of course, that's
why I joined the Navy.

- Yeah, well, your wife had a
baby she never told you about.

- Oh, my God.

- Your son showed
us this picture.

- That's my mermaid.

- Oh, my God, she
did it to me again.

We were only married
a week, just one week!

- Schneider he's a nice kid.

He's living in California, he
just came here to find you.

- Yeah, well what does he want?

19 years of back child support?

- Ronnie doesn't want
anything from you,

he just wants to
get to know you.

- Ronnie?

They already named him.

- Ah, Schneider, I
know that this must come

as a shock to you.

It's gonna take
some gettin' used to.

- Gettin' used to?

This is crazy.

I mean, why would
he show up now?

My life is perfect.

I mean, I got steady
work, complete set of tools.

- Schneider, he just
wants to meet you.

- Yeah, but what am
I gonna say to him?

What am I gonna do with him?

- Aw, you're gonna
be proud of him.

He seems to be a
terrific young man.

- Actually if he's
terrific, I mean,

that's in the chroma genes.

You know I must, nice?

Nice kid?

- Yeah, yeah he is.

- I'm gettin' a little
bit intrigued here.

I mean, this could be
my ticket to immortality.

You know, I thought I
was the last of a breed.

- Well, you're not.

- Right, - The
old bull has a calf.

- Now, Schneider, look,
he's staying at the Fairview

and he asked me
to call him when...

- Don't, don't,
don't call him yet,

maybe when he comes
over I should meet

him here with you people.

- Oh, sure.

Sure, we understand
you want moral support.

- That too, yeah, but it's
just that I don't want him to

think that I'm tidy, you know.

I mean, it's Saturday

and usually I do my
dishes on Wednesday.

Ronnie Schneider.

I like that, I like that.

Schneider and son.

Ol' Ronnie boy, the
pipe the pipes are...

(audience applauding)

(audience laughing)

Where is he?

Where is he?

I mean...
- Schneider take it easy, huh.

- Take it easy?

How can I take it easy?

I mean, usually a father
meets his son for the first time

in a maternity ward, right?

I mean, a nurse holds him up,

the father makes a few faces,
and he goes kitchy-kitchy-coo.

I got a son who
can lift up the nurse

and go kitchy-kitchy-coo.

- Schneider just relax.

C'mon, sit down, huh.

- Yeah, alright.

Yeah, I guess I really
should be happy.

After all these
years to find out

that the honeymoon
wasn't wasted.

And she says I wasn't much.

I guess I was enough.

I'm a father.

A father.

- It's really
gettin' to ya, huh?

- Well, you know,
I was just thinkin'

this'd be the first year that
I could qualify, you know,

for the father and son
banquet up at the lodge.

It just happens it's
this Thursday night.

- Hey, Schneider, you know
Ronnie's only gonna be here

a couple of days,
maybe you should...

- For years I would just
go to that banquet all alone,

you know, and run a projector.

One year I even
tried borrowing a kid.

Didn't work, so I
just stopped going.

(door bell ringing)


That's him, that's
him, I know that's him.

- Okay, okay, take it easy,
take it easy, take it easy.

- Okay, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey I got easy.

Ronnie I'm your father!

- Hey Pop, where's my allowance?

- I know this kid,
I'm not his father!

- Does that mean I
don't get my allowance?

- John, what do you want?

- Yeah, I wonder maybe if
you can lend me a quarter?

I just, I was downstairs

and I just saw this
incredible car get demolished.

Unfortunately it was mine.

- Hey, kid, here's a quarter.

- Well, thank you.

- Mama san.

Barbera san.

Super san.

- Sayonara.

- Look, Ms. Roman, maybe
it'd be better if I go down in my

room and just, you know,
kinda wait until you break him

in a little bit and then
I'll come back like in

a couple three days.

- Oh, no, Schneider.

- Oh, really, believe
me, I don't wanna...

- Hello.

- You're my?

You're the person
I was expecting?

- I guess so.

Are you Mr. Schneider?

- Dwayne, this is Ronnie.

- Hi...
- Oh, hello.

- How are ya?

Hey, what a grip there.

Well, look at that, huh?

Well, what do you think, huh?

Chip off the old block?

- Oh, Ronnie, c'mon, why
don't you sit down over here.

C'mon, let's sit right down.

Okay, make yourself comfortable.



- Yeah, what?

- Sit down.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Well, you two have
a lot to talk about.

- Well, I don't know about that,

we sure got a lot to talk about.

- Yeah, a lot to talk about.

- Plus, been a long time.

- Yeah, it's been a long time.

- Oh, girls I think maybe
we should leave Ronnie

and Schneider alone, right?

- [Both] Right.

- So, what's new?

- Lately?

- Well, for the last 19 years.

- Well, I had the chicken pox.

- Yeah, last year I
had the 24 hour flu.

Lasted 23-24 hours.

You've been on
your own for 19 years.

- Not exactly.

- Hey, I tell ya something, son.

I'm gonna make it up to ya.

I'm really gonna
make it up to ya.

Everything we missed, you know?

You know, the zoo,
we're gonna go to the zoo.

Pony rides.

I get you some choo-choo
trains, Santa Claus,

see the Easter Bunny, you know.

- I'm a little old for that.

- Oh, yeah, of course.

Well, we'll go to
ballgames, you know,

we'll go to fights, I
mean we'll lift weights,

deck a few Marines,
we'll hang out.

Ronnie, Ronnie Schneider.

I love that, I love it.

- Uh, Dwayne, his
name's not Schneider.

- What do you mean
it's not Schneider?

He's my son.

- My family, the
people who adopted me

they gave me their name.

- Yeah, well what's that?

- My real name, my legal
name is Ronnie Baxter.

- Well, that's no big
deal, we'll change it.

You know, we'll keep
Ronnie, we'll dump Baxter.

- Look...

- Hey, c'mon now, you just
go down to that motel where

you're staying, you get your
clothes, you come back...

- Hey, Schneider look,
Ronnie lives in California.

He goes to school out there.


- Have either of you ever
heard of Indiana University?

I mean, wait till they
get a load of this guy,

are you kidding?

He's a natural born athlete!

Excuse me what's your sport?

What is it?




- Volleyball.

- Volleyball?

It's a Japanese sport, no?

- Look, Mr. Schneider>

- Don't call me Mr. Schneider.

You call me Dad.

- Right, sir.

- Hey, what did I just tell you?

You call me Pop, call me Dad.

I mean, we're family right?

- Right.

- You like fishing?

- No.

- Terrific we'll
take two weeks off,

we'll go out there...

- Schneider, don't
you think you're rushing

things just a bit?

- Well, I mean,
can you blame me?

I got 19 years of
catching up to do.

- Yeah, I know, Schneider...

- Look, I'm gonna
go downstairs, see,

I'm gonna straighten out
our room because for now on

it's the two of us.

(audience applauding)

Come in.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi where's Ronnie?

I mean, what did
you leave him alone?

- Yeah, he's okay.

He promised not to
cross the street by himself.

- Look, Ms. Romano,
you are a pro with words

and I want you
to help me to draft

a letter here to Ronnie's...

To those people in California.

- His parents.

- Yeah.

- Okay, what do you wanna say?

- Well, I wanna,
what I wanna say,

I really appreciate very
much terrific job that they did

in bringing him up and then
see then I gotta let them down

gently, I gotta let them
understand that Ronnie

and I have found each other now

and he won't be going back.

- Uh, Schneider, are you
sure you wanna do that?

I mean, it's really kind
of tough picking up

in the middle of
somebody's life.

Maybe you oughta have
a talk with Ronnie first.

- What are you kidding?

He's nuts about me.

C'mon, I mean, we
were totally simpatico.

I mean, I see all the signs.

Pretty soon he's gonna
be calling me Dad.

Don't you think?

Don't you think?

- Hey, Schneider,
I hate to butt in.

- You're not butting in.

I'm asking you.

- Okay, okay you're asking me.

The Baxters are Ronnie's parents

and they always have been.

His home is in California

and I think you should
let him go back there.

- For the last time,
Ms. Romano, butt out!

- You asked for my opinion.

- That was a limited offer.

Ronnie's home is with
is father, which is me.

Those people in California
they are not blood,

which I am.

And which I do have to
remind you is thicker than H2O,

which is water.

- Schneider, it's
more than that.

Fatherhood is, fatherhood
is from diapers to dating

and then some.

- Diapers to dating, huh.

Well, what does that make me?

- A stranger.

- Oh, if you were a man.

If you were a man.

If you were a man
you would understand.

That's my son.

He should bear my name.

I mean, that's me
when I was young.

Maybe you just
don't care about that.

- Oh, of course I care,
Schneider, otherwise I wouldn't...

- Maybe you just
don't really understand.

I have a son that I
never knew I had.

I have found someone
who's my very, very own

and I aint gonna lose him.

And God help anybody who
tries to take him away from me

including butt insty tenants who

think that they know it all!

- Gosh, Schneider, please!

- I don't care what you think.

I don't care what
the Baxters think.

I don't care what
anybody thinks.

- What about what Ronnie thinks?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Mr. Schneider, my
family's gonna be wondering.

I should talk to my dad.

- Right, so let's talk.

Come over here.

I want you to sit
down right here,

I wanna ask you a question,
straight out question,

Schneider to Schneider, huh.

There are some people in
this world who do not think

that you and I can
make a go of it as a father

and a son.

Now would you care to
address yourself to that?

- Oh, Schneider, that's no-

(incoherent shouting)

- Go on, son, what do you say?

- I don't know
what to say to that.

- Alright, so, it's
a tough question,

but, I mean, but
when you analyze it,

it's really a simple question.

I mean, I'm your
father, you're my son,

now what do you
need those people for?

- The Baxters are the
only family I've ever known.

I don't wanna hurt
you, but they raised me.

They've given me
everything I've ever had.

I love them.

Look, Mr. Schneider...

- Hold it, hold on, you
don't have to go any further.

I understand what you're saying.

You're saying fatherhood
is not just bloodlines,

it has to be earned.

Fatherhood is from diapers
to dating and then some.

Actually, I'm glad
you said what you said

because I've been a
bachelor for a long time

and having a grown
kid here, you know,

it would kinda like put
a cramp in my style.


- Right.

- Woman knows, she knows.

Thing is, I'm proud of you
because in the circumstances

that's what I would
expect a son might say.

And I know that your
home is really in California.

- I'm glad I found you.

- It's too bad about
Thursday night.

- Why?

What's Thursday night?

- Nothing, I'm sorry,
nothin' it's not important.

- Really, what is it?

- It's a little dinner
at the lodge.

- It's the annual father
and son banquet.

- Oh, I can stay
till Thursday night.

- Naw, you can't.

You can't, can you?

- For your father and son
banquet, I wouldn't miss it, Dad.

(audience applauding)

- [Announcer] One Day At A
Time was recorded live on tape

before a studio audience.

(upbeat music)