One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 1, Episode 4 - How to Succeed Without Trying - full transcript

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS LIFE,
THE ONE YOU GET ♪

♪ SO GO AND HAVE A BALL ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ STRAIGHT AHEAD
AND REST ASSURED ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T BE SURE AT ALL ♪

♪ SO WHILE YOU'RE
HERE, ENJOY THE VIEW ♪

♪ KEEP ON DOIN' WHAT YOU DO ♪

♪ HOLD ON TIGHT, WE'LL
MUDDLE THROUGH ♪



♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ SO UP ON YOUR
FEET, UP ON YOUR FEET ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE THERE'S
MUSIC PLAYING ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WORRY NONE ♪

♪ WE'LL JUST TAKE
IT LIKE IT COMES ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

COME ON, YOU STUPID
EARRING. WHERE ARE YOU?



MOM, HAVE YOU FOUND IT YET?

I GOTTA HAVE THAT
EARRING TONIGHT.

WITH ONE EARRING,

DANNY PEPPERDINE'S GONNA
THINK I'M A PIRATE OR SOMETHING.

I'M LOOKING. I'M LOOKING.
CAN YOU SEE ME LOOK?

JULIE, PLEASE HELP ME WITH
MY GEOMETRY. YOU PROMISED...

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T
HAVE LENT IT TO YOU.

YOU'RE ALWAYS LOSING
ALL MY STUFF ANYWAY.

WILL YOU TELL HER TO
HELP ME WITH MY GEOMETRY?

MOTHER, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.

I AM, TOO!

THAT IS NOT A
LISTENING POSITION.

IT'S A LOOKING POSITION. NOW,
WOULD YOU LEAVE HER ALONE?

SHE'S TRYING TO FIND MY EARRING.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR
EARRING. I'VE AN EXAM TOMORROW.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR
EXAM. I'VE GOT A DATE TONIGHT.

WHO CARES ABOUT
YOUR DATE? YOU... HOLD IT!

ALL RIGHT.

WE ARE GOING TO WORRY
ABOUT THE EXAM FIRST,

AND THEN WE'LL LOOK
FOR YOUR EARRING.

TYPICAL. THE OLDER ONE
GETS PUSHED ASIDE AGAIN.

JULIE, YOUR SISTER
HAS A GEOMETRY EXAM.

BIG DEAL.

MA, NO FEMALE IS GONNA
FLUNK MR. TURNER'S CLASS.

BARBI, JUST SHAMPOO
YOUR HAIR IN THE MORNING

AND WEAR YOUR TIGHTEST JEANS.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO
DO WITH GEOMETRY?

NOTHING, YOU DUMMY. IT'S GOT TO DO
WITH YOUR TEACHER, TURNED-ON-TURNER.

YOU MEAN USE MY SEX APPEAL?

EVEN THE LITTLE YOU
GOT WILL WORK ON HIM.

THANKS.

LOOK, BARBI, WHEN YOU
GO UP TO HAND YOUR TEST IN,

JUST KINDA LEAN OVER HIS SHOULDER
AND LET YOUR HAIR TICKLE HIS EAR.

HAIR TICKLE HIS EAR?

WHAT ELSE HAS SHE
GOT TO WORK WITH?

I GOT A "B" LAST YEAR AND I
NEVER EVEN CRACKED A BOOK.

I'M GLAD YOU WEREN'T
GOING FOR AN "A".

TO GET AN "A" FROM
TURNED-ON TURNER,

ALL I GOT TO DO IS WALK AWAY.

JULIE! CUT THAT OUT.

I MEAN WE DON'T NEED
TO USE SEX ANYMORE.

GREAT. JUST WHEN I'M GETTING
THERE, IT GOES OUT OF STYLE.

BESIDES MA,

YOU'VE ALWAYS TOLD US SEX
WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL THING.

HONEY, IT IS. IT IS.

I MEAN THAT,

BUT IT HAS IT'S DEFINITE PLACE.

BELIEVE ME, I'M ALL FOR SEX.

NOTHING LIKE BEING IN THE
RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.

HELLO, DAVID,
AND COOL IT, DAVID.

HEY, ANN, I GOT SOME...

DAVID, WOULD YOU TELL THE
GIRLS WHICH YOU ADMIRE MORE.

A WOMAN WITH BRAINS
OR A WOMAN WITH...

LIKE I SAID, COOL IT, DAVID.

UH, BARBARA, BACK TO YOUR ROOM.

AH!

AND EXERCISE YOUR
BRAIN, NOT YOUR BUTT.

NICE TRY, KID.

MOM, I'M GOING TO GO LOOK
FOR MY EARRING IN THE KITCHEN,

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE LOOKING IN
HERE, IT'S PROBABLY IN THERE.

ANN, ANN,

I'VE GOT SOME
FANTASTIC NEWS FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, WHAT AM I OFFERED?

UH, ALL MY NEW YORK CITY BONDS.

NO, COME ON.

THIS IS BIG STUFF. IT'S GONNA
COST YOU MORE THAN THAT.

PROMISE HIM ANYTHING, MA.
YOU CAN ALWAYS GET A HEADACHE,

JUST LIKE YOU USED TO WITH DAD.

JULIE!

DAVID, YOU GONNA TELL ME,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME?

OK, OK, NO MORE GAMES.

HERE'S WHAT I
WANTED TO TELL YOU...

I FOUND AN EARRING.

MY EARRING! OH, BOY,
MOM. SOME LOOKER YOU ARE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU LOOK
WHERE HE LOOKED?

JULIE, YOU WANTED YOUR
EARRING, RIGHT? YES.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR EARRING.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

ANN.

OH, DAVID, YOU WANTED TO
TELL... I'M SORRY. WHAT IS IT?

WELL, IT WAS REALLY NOTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT I GOT YOU A JOB.

A JOB!

GREAT, A JOB.

DAVID, WHAT AS?

AS AN ASSISTANT TO AN ACCOUNT
EXECUTIVE IN A PUBLIC RELATIONS FIRM.

OH, DAVID!

OH!

HEY, IT WAS, UH, PRETTY GOOD.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY
FOR CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD?

DAVID, A JOB. YOU
GOT ME A REAL JOB.

THE INTERVIEW IS TOMORROW.

TOMORROW.

DAVID, I'M SCARED.

WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT INTERVIEWS?

THE LAST INTERVIEW I
HAD WAS WITH THE PRIEST

WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS
GONNA MARRY A BAPTIST.

ANN, ANN, COME ON.

LOOK, I... IT'S ALL SET.

I SPOKE TO PETE HOLSTON,
THE ACCOUNT EXEC,

AND HE UNDERSTANDS
YOUR SITUATION.

LOOK, SURE, YOU'VE BEEN OFF
THE JOB MARKET FOR A WHILE,

BUT YOU'VE GOT THE PERFECT
QUALIFICATIONS, BELIEVE ME.

YOU'RE BRIGHT,
INTUITIVE, INVENTIVE,

AND YOU'VE GOT A FANTASTIC TUSH.

DAVID, I'M APPLYING FOR THIS JOB

ON THE BASIS OF WHAT I AM.

WHICH IS?

I'M BRIGHT,
INVENTIVE, INTUITIVE.

I'M VERY ORGANIZED.

I'M GOOD WITH
IDEAS, WITH PEOPLE.

WHAT DO I WEAR TO THE INTERVIEW
THAT LOOKS BUSINESSLIKE?

DON'T WEAR A BRA.

I'M NOT GOING TO
PLAY THAT KINDA GAME.

YOU SEE, DAVID, ALL I
ASK HERE IS A FAIR SHAKE.

THEN BE SURE NOT TO WEAR A BRA.

HE'S STILL ON THE
LOS ANGELES CALL.

THANK YOU.

YOU CAN GO IN NOW.

UM, OH, THANK YOU.

MISS ROMANO?

AH, YES.

I'M PETE HOLSTON.
YOU'RE DAVID'S FRIEND?

OH, UH, YES.

MR. HOLSTON, IT'S... IT'S
VERY NICE MEETING YOU.

SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU
WAITING. PLEASE COME IN.

THANK YOU.

DAVID SPOKE VERY HIGHLY OF YOU.

YOU'VE MADE, UH, QUITE
AN IMPRESSION ON HIM.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

UH, WELL, I'M, UH, I'M 34.

I'M DIVORCED. AND,
UH... OH, THANK YOU.

ALTHOUGH I DON'T HAVE
MUCH RECENT EXPERIENCE,

I'M BRIGHT AND I LEARN
FAST AND I'M A HARD WORKER.

YES.

WELL, UH, AT THE MOMENT WE'VE GOT
NO REASON TO CHALLENGE THAT, HAVE WE?

OH, WELL, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN GUNS, UH, MISS ROMANO?

THIS IS AN ORIGINAL
COLT .45, AND THIS GUN...

UH, MR. HOLSTON.

PETE.

YEAH. UH, FRANKLY,
I'M NOT INTO GUNS.

UH, WHAT I'M INTO IS DOING
THE BEST JOB I KNOW HOW.

EXCELLENT. I LIKE THAT.

GOOD. I MEAN, I FELT
I HAD TO SAY THAT.

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.

RIGHT.

HERE. M-MY RESUME.

OH.

UH, ONE THING ABOUT
THE JOB, THOUGH.

YOU'D BE MEETING A LOT OF
PEOPLE, CLIENTS, THE PUBLIC...

DO YOU HAVE AN AFFLICTION?

YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING
TROUBLE WITH YOUR RIGHT ARM.

UH, MR. HOLSTON, UH,

YOU SEE, WHAT WE HAVE
HERE IS SOME WET, STICKY GUM

THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET
RID OF EVER SINCE YOU CAME OUT.

BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE IT.

HONESTY, WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.

WE CAN USE A LOT MORE
OF THAT AROUND HERE.

OH, DARN, I'VE GOT
AN APPOINTMENT.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
LOOK, TELL YOU WHAT,

I'LL GO OVER YOUR RESUME,

AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU JUST AS SOON
AS I CAN. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THAT.

OH, NO, NO. OF COURSE NOT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A NICE PERSON.

MAY I RETURN THE COMPLIMENT.

I THINK YOU AND I COULD
WORK WELL TOGETHER.

THANK YOU. BYE.

BYE.

OH.

DANNY PEPPERDINE, YOU BORE ME.

WE'VE HAD IT.

I AM THROUGH WITH YOU.

I NEVER WANT TO
TALK TO YOU AGAIN.

DO YOU HEAR THAT,
DANNY PEPPERDINE?

NEVER. NEVER,
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

OH, MY MOM'S HOME,
CALL ME BACK LATER.

MOM, WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU GET THE JOB?

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
MY DARLINGS,

TIMES HAVE REALLY CHANGED.

I MEAN, YOU COULD FORGET
ALL YOUR "TURNED ON TURNERS."

I WALKED IN AND I TOLD
MR. HOLSTON WHERE I STOOD.

OH, AND HE BOUGHT IT.

DID YOU GET THE JOB?

WELL, NOT YET, BUT
HE'S GONNA CALL.

I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T GET IT.

NO!

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THE POINT IS

HE ACCEPTED ME AS A PERSON.

OH, HE IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN.

A MATURE, ENLIGHTENED
HUMAN BEING.

YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO THE
LADIES IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, EH?

WHAT DO YOU WANT, SCHNEIDER?

MS. ROMANO,

ASK NOT WHAT YOU
CAN DO FOR YOUR SUPER,

BUT RATHER WHAT YOUR
SUPER CAN DO FOR YOU.

DON'T TEMPT ME.

MS. ROMANO, I GOT A LITTLE
PRESENT HERE FOR YOU.

IT'S SOMETHING
THAT ALL THE LADIES

IN THE APARTMENT
ARE FIGHTING OVER.

IT'S A WHISPER-SILENT
FLUSH VALVE FOR YOUR CAN.

SCHNEIDER, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

BESIDES, IN THIS APARTMENT, WITH
THESE WALLS YOU GOT NO PRIVACY.

I MEAN, WHAT YOU GOT NOW IS...

WHEN I GET THAT
LITTLE BABY INSTALLED,

WHAT YOU GONNA HAVE IS...

YOU'RE AHEAD OF YOUR TIME.

SOME MEN ARE STILL
TRYING IT WITH ROSES.

AS YOU SAY, SOME MEN WITH ROSES,

SOME WITH THOUGHTFULNESS.

YOU REALIZE, IT'S GOING
TO TAKE ME A LITTLE TIME

TO, UH, TO GET THIS
BABY INSTALLED.

HOW ABOUT 2 SECONDS?

OOH, THE FIRE, MS.
ROMANO, THE FIRE.

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA MISS
ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU GO TO WORK.

YOU DID GET THE JOB?

UH, NO, BUT SHE WON'T ADMIT IT.

JULIE, HE SAID
HE'S GOING TO CALL.

I'M SURE. A LADY WITH
YOUR KIND OF BUILD.

I'M SURE HE'S GOT
SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.

SCHNEIDER, YOU GOT
A ONE-TRACK MIND.

SPEAKING OF ONE TRACK, IF
YOU'D LIKE TO SPEND A WEEKEND

AT MY CABOOSE, JUST LET ME KNOW.

JULIE'S MASSAGE PARLOR. WE
NEVER RUB YOU THE WRONG WAY.

AH, UH, I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE DANNY PEPPERDINE.

UH, MOM, IT'S MR. HOLSTON.

HELLO, MR. HOLSTON!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT IS JUST MY
WARPED DAUGHTER'S IDEA OF A LITTLE JOKE.

YEAH, UH, OH, UM, SURE.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

UH-HUH.

WELL, WHAT TIME
WOULD BE CONVENIENT?

WELL, YEAH, THAT'D BE FINE.

IT WILL BE A PLEASURE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN, TOO.

BYE-BYE.

HE READ THE RESUME.
AND HE WANTS TO SEE ME.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

OH, HONEY, WE BETTER
GET DINNER ON THE TABLE,

AND GET THIS PLACE
STRAIGHTENED UP.

WHAT FOR?

HE'S COMING OVER HERE TONIGHT.

GET OFF IT, ONE-TRACK.
HE IS A VERY BUSY MAN.

HE IS GOING TO A DINNER AND
THEN HE IS COMING OVER HERE.

I CAN ONLY GUESS WHY.

HE SAID WE'D BE LESS APT TO BE
INTERRUPTED HERE, AT MY PLACE,

THE TWO OF US.

ALONE.

"THE TWO OF US"? "ALONE"?

ALL ABOARD FOR
SOUTHBOUND TERRE HAUTE

AND VALPARAISO.

WHOO-HOO!

MOM,

WEAR A BRA!

ANN, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'RE UPSET OVER NOTHING.

I KNOW PETE HOLSTON.

SURE, I KNOW HE COMES ON
LIKE WARREN BEATTY IN SHAMPOO,

BUT HE'S REALLY DON KNOTTS
IN THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET.

MOM, GROW UP.

THE GUY DIGS YOU,
THE JOB IS YOURS.

AND YOU NEED THE JOB,
DON'T YOU? SO TRY AND RELAX.

I DON'T WANT TO RELAX.
I WANT TO BE UPTIGHT.

MY REFLEXES ARE FASTER
WHEN I'M UP UPTIGHT.

HEY, SQUIRT, MOTHER'S JUST SO
BORING. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

DAVID, SIT DOWN.

UH, LOOK.

DAVID, I KNOW I CAN HANDLE HIM,

BUT THE THING IS ANYTHING I
SAY WILL SEEM SEXY TO HIM.

LIKE ASKING HIM TO SIT DOWN.

DIDN'T DO A THING FOR ME.

NOT THE WAY I SAY IT, DAVID,
BUT THE WAY HE'LL HEAR IT.

YOU KNOW I HAVE THAT
BIG HASSLE WITH THE GIRLS

ABOUT USING THEIR BRAINS
INSTEAD OF THEIR SEX.

WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE
WOULD I BE SETTING?

ANN, BE PRACTICAL.

USE THE FACT YOU ARE A WOMAN.

GET THE JOB FIRST, THEN
TEACH HIM THE FACTS OF LIFE.

AS THEY EXIST TODAY IN THIS
NON-MALE-DOMINATED EQUAL SOCIETY.

DAVID, WOULD YOU
BE HONEST WITH ME?

OK, UM,

AM I THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN YOU'VE EVER MET?

NO.

AM I THE SEXIEST
WOMAN YOU'VE EVER MET?

NO, NO.

DAVID, WHAT'S THE BIG
DEAL? WHAT DOES HE WANT?

YOUR BODY. DAVID!

ANN, LISTEN. HE
LIKES YOU. USE THAT.

DON'T... DON'T GO FULL VOLUME,
JUST TURN HIM UP A LITTLE.

LOOK, WHEN HE GETS
HERE, GO TO THE DOOR,

OPEN THE DOOR AND
JUST SAY, "HI, THERE."

YOU KISS ME AND I'LL KILL YOU.

MR. SCHNEIDER, NOW
IS REALLY THE WRONG...

SORRY, MS. ROMANO,
IT'S TOO LATE.

I'VE ALREADY GIVEN THE
FLUSH VALVE TO APARTMENT 238,

OF COURSE, I AM NOT
THE TYPE TO MENTION

HOW SHE EXPRESSED
HER APPRECIATION.

STILL, I LIKE YOU,

AND I'M GOING TO
HELP YOU GET THAT JOB.

ALL RIGHT.

A JUG OF WINE.

A SOFT GLOW OF CANDLE LIGHT.

VOILA!

♪

♪ BUT, BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S COLD ♪

UH, SCHNEIDER, SCHNEIDER.

HEY, HEY, HEY, SCHNEIDER,
SCHNEIDER! HEY!

I, UH, REALLY THINK THAT I
CAN HANDLE THIS ALL BY MYSELF.

MS. ROMANO, TO BE
HONEST AND FRANK,

YOU NEED A LOT OF HELP.

AND IF THERE IS ONE THING
THAT I'M FOR, IT'S HELP.

NOW HERE I AM. PICK MY BRAIN.

THERE'S A VIRUS I'D
LIKE TO SELL TO RUSSIA.

SCHNEIDER, SCHNEIDER,
YOU ARE AMAZING.

YOU KNOW, NEVER IN MY
LIFE HAVE I KNOWN ANYONE

WHO KNEW SO LITTLE
ABOUT SO MUCH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, CUB SCOUT?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT LIFE, HUH?

YOU HAVEN'T LIVED. YOU
HAVEN'T HAD MY DISADVANTAGES.

YOU KNOW, HERE,

PUT THIS ON. RASPBERRY LIPSTICK.

GETS ME EVERY TIME.

CHAP STICK WOULD GET YOU.

PUT ON SOMETHING SEXY.

I AM NOT PUTTING ANYTHING ON.

THAT TAKES ALL THE MYSTERY AWAY.

FORGET WHAT HE SAYS.

LOOK, I TOLD YOU, I KNOW PETE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO A
NUMBER ON HIM. JUST BE NICE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "BE NICE"?

LOOK, KIDS,

YOU WANT MY GUT REACTION?

DEEP INSIDE OF ME
A VOICE IS SAYING,

"HEY, UH."

I MEAN...

I MEAN WHAT'S THE BEEF HERE, WITH
THIS MR. HOLSTON FELLOW, RIGHT?

HERE'S A FELLOW WHO'S SAYING:

"YOU WANT SOMETHING I
GOT." AND YOU, YOU'RE SAYING,

"YOU WANT SOMETHING I GOT."

NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL THAT?

I CALL THAT THE GAME OF LIFE.

PLAY IT.

COME ON, WILL YOU?
THIS IS INDIANAPOLIS.

RIGHT, SCHNEIDER.

THERE YOU GO.

WELL, THANK GOODNESS THAT'S
SETTLED. I GOTTA GO RE-HANG A DOOR.

BUT IF THIS GUY DISAPPOINTS,

YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

YOU BELIEVE HIM? I HAD A
RABBIT WITH MORE SELF CONTROL.

ANN, LISTEN, HONEY,

IN A CRAZY KIND OF WAY, FOR ALL THE
WRONG REASONS, SCHNEIDER IS RIGHT.

DAVID.

BUT JUST UP TO A POINT.

LOOK, WHEN WOMEN HAVE
ALL THE RIGHTS THEY DESERVE,

AND EVERYTHING IS EQUAL, THEY
ARE STILL GOING TO BE WOMEN.

RIGHT.

RIGHT? AND... AND BETWEEN MEN AND
WOMEN THERE IS ALWAYS GONNA EXIST

A KIND OF A SEXUAL PRESENCE.

OK, DAVID, I'LL BUY THAT.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO
LEARN TO DEAL WITH THAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEAL WITH THAT?

COMPROMISE A
LITTLE. PLAY THE GAME.

COME ON, MS. ROMANO,
THIS IS INDIANAPOLIS.

DAVID, WHEN DOES
THE COMPROMISE STOP?

WHEN YOU GET THE JOB.

LOOK, ANN, WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS IF I
THOUGHT THERE WAS A CHANCE IN THE WORLD

THAT PETE WOULD
SCORE WITH YOU? NO.

SO PLAY HIM ALONG. SMILE,
DOUBLE TALK, STALL HIM.

DO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN
DOING WITH ME SINCE WE MET.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THAT
WAS A CHEAP SHOT, I APOLOGIZE.

LOOK, IF IT MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU,

FORGET THE JOB, ALL RIGHT?

FORGET I WAS HERE. FORGET
THE WHOLE THING. JUST...

ANN, LOOK, DO WHAT
YOU THINK IS RIGHT, OK?

IF THIS GUY DISAPPOINTS,
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

THAT'S HIM.

UH, HEY, LOOK,

I DON'T WANNA... I DON'T
WANNA CRAMP YOUR STYLE HERE.

I'LL HIDE IN THE CLOSET.

WAIT.

IS THAT HIM? YOU WANT
US TO STAY OUT OF SIGHT?

UH, CALMNESS HERE, UH, NO.

WHAT I WANT YOU
TO DO IS TELL HIM

THAT IF HE IS INTERESTED
IN HIRING ME AS A PERSON,

I'LL SEE HIM IN HIS
OFFICE TOMORROW.

UH, CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

YEAH. OK.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TELL HIM?

I GOT IT.

REMEMBER WHEN NORM THE NERD
CAME TO THE DOOR TO SEE YOU?

OK.

OH, UH...

I'M PETE HOLSTON.

UH, YES. WELL, MY MOTHER WILL HAVE
TO SEE YOU IN YOUR OFFICE TOMORROW.

BUT WE HAD AN
APPOINTMENT FOR TONIGHT.

I KNOW, BUT, UH, SHE WENT
TO CHICAGO LAST WEEK

AND DRANK THE WATER
AND SHE GOT SICK.

THE DOCTOR SAID THAT
IT'S VERY CATCHING.

SHE'LL BE OK IN THE MORNING.

WILL YOU TELL HER THAT I
HOPE SHE'S FEELING BETTER,

AND I'LL SEE HER IN THE OFFICE.

SENSATIONAL, BARBI.

MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

THE WINNER MISS BARBARA
COOPER FOR THE BEST PERFORMANCE

BY A RETCH RETCHING.

COME IN, MS. ROMANO.

THANK YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU LOOKING SO WELL.

SIT DOWN.

NO, I THINK I'D BETTER STAND.
I MAY NOT BE STAYING LONG.

OH?

MR. HOLSTON, I WASN'T SICK LAST
NIGHT. I WAS IN THE NEXT ROOM.

MY DAUGHTERS PUT ON THAT
ACT, SO YOU WOULDN'T COME IN.

OH?

SEE MR. HOLSTON, I... I
REALLY WANT THIS JOB,

BUT RIGHT UP FRONT WE GOT
TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.

WE ARE BOTH ADULTS.

AND I THINK WE BOTH KNOW WHY
YOU WANTED TO COME BY LAST NIGHT.

OH?

OH.

SEE, THE THING IS,
I DO WANT THIS JOB,

BUT I WANT IT ON THE
BASIS OF MY QUALIFICATIONS,

NOT BECAUSE, UH, YOU
LIKE TO LOOK AT MY LEGS.

MS. ROMANO,

I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW REFRESHING IT IS

TO HEAR A WOMAN TALK LIKE THIS.

I UNDERSTAND AND I
RESPECT YOU FOR IT.

I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

UH, YOU MEAN THAT?

ALMOST.

SOME MEN ARE STILL HUNG
UP ON THIS MACHO THING,

BUT IF ENOUGH WOMEN HAD YOUR
COURAGE, THAT WOULD CHANGE.

YOU'VE KIND OF
RESTORED MY FAITH IN MEN.

I LIKE MY REACTION TO
YOUR TOTAL FRANKNESS.

I'M GLAD.

MEANWHILE, I STILL
LIKE YOUR LEGS.

BETTER THAN HATING THEM.

UH, JOB'S STILL OPEN?

IF YOU HAD COME
IN A HALF HOUR AGO.

I GAVE IT TO A MAN.

HE CAME IN. HE HAD
GOOD QUALIFICATIONS.

TELL YOU WHAT? MAYBE
I COULD REACH HIM.

NO, NO, NO, PLEASE
DON'T DO THAT.

IT'S ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT
YOU WOULD HAVE HIRED ME.

IN A MINUTE.

I APPRECIATE KNOWING THAT.

BELIEVE ME, THE SECOND
SOMETHING OPENS,

I'LL BE IN TOUCH.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

BYE.

MISS HEFLEY. MMM-HMM.

UM, COULD I USE YOUR TELEPHONE?

SURE.

YOU KNOW, THAT IS A
WONDERFUL MAN IN THERE.

MS. HEFLEY, I AM SO SORRY.

IF I DIDN'T HAVE THIS ONE
LUNCHEON DATE, WE'D HAVE TIME.

BUT IT'S UNFAIR TO
RUSH YOUR INTERVIEW.

I WOULDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW YOU.

OH, I UNDERSTAND.

TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL GO OVER YOUR RESUME AND I'LL
GET BACK TO YOU JUST AS SOON AS I CAN.

WONDERFUL.

BETTER STILL, MAYBE I
CAN SAVE YOU A TRIP IN.

WHY DON'T I JUST DROP
BY YOUR PLACE TO SEE YOU?

SURE, PETE. YOU HAVE MY NUMBER.

BYE.

BYE.

UH, MR. HOLSTON.

AH.

YOU KNOW, WHEN A MAN

PUTS HIS HAND ON
A GIRL'S SHOULDER,

BUT HE IS REALLY THINKING LOWER?

YES.

I'M THINKING HIGHER.

THIS PROGRAM WAS
RECORDED ON TAPE

BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.