One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 1, Episode 10 - David Plus Two - full transcript

Ann questions her platonic relationship with David when she finds him in a compromising position with a fellow tenant.

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS LIFE,
THE ONE YOU GET ♪

♪ SO GO AND HAVE A BALL ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ THIS IS IT ♪

♪ STRAIGHT AHEAD
AND REST ASSURED ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T BE SURE AT ALL ♪

♪ SO WHILE YOU'RE
HERE, ENJOY THE VIEW ♪

♪ KEEP ON DOIN' WHAT YOU DO ♪

♪ HOLD ON TIGHT, WE'LL
MUDDLE THROUGH ♪



♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ SO UP ON YOUR
FEET, UP ON YOUR FEET ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE THERE'S
MUSIC PLAYING ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WORRY NONE ♪

♪ WE'LL JUST TAKE
IT LIKE IT COMES ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE DAY AT A TIME ♪

(Julie) I HATE IRONING!



THAT'S LIFE.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT.

YOU JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS
AT ME AND I GET TO DO IT.

YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART.

MOM, IT IS BAD ENOUGH
DOING MY OWN IRONING,

BUT IT'S GROSS DOING DAVID'S.

WHY ARE WE DOING
HIS LAUNDRY, ANYWAY?

I LOST A BET WITH HIM.

WHAT KIND OF A BET?

(Ann) HUH, NEVER MIND.

OH!

FANTASTIC. YOU LOSE. I IRON.

(Ann) JULIE, KNOCK IT OFF, HUH?

I ASKED YOU TO DO
ONE SHIRT, THAT'S ALL.

AND IT'S VERY GOOD PRACTICE
FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

WHEN I'M ON MY OWN, I'M GONNA
LIVE WITH A GUY THAT IRONS.

GOOD LUCK.

IF SHE WOULD JUST
IRON WITH HER MOUTH,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
DONE AN HOUR AGO.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
BE PRESSED TO DEATH?

WHY ISN'T SHE DOING ANYTHING?

SHE'S DOING HER HOMEWORK.

WITH AN EMERY BOARD?

I HAVE TO WATCH THE 10:00
NEWS FOR CIVICS CLASS.

BARBARA, IT'S ONLY 8:00

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

BARBARA, DARLING, IF YOU
HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO,

GO IN THE KITCHEN AND
PUT THE DISHES AWAY.

I HATE PUTTING AWAY THE DISHES.

THAT'S LIFE.

THAT'S LIFE. FINK.

UH, UH, JULIE, WOULD YOU
LET ME DO THAT, PLEASE?

YOU'RE WRINKLING THE
COLLAR SOMETHING AWFUL.

I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER NOTICE.

GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

OK.

NOW I'M DOING ALL THE
WORK! WHAT'S SHE DOING?

MY HOMEWORK.

[knocking on door]

HELLO.

HELLO.

HI, GUYS.

(girls) HEY, DAVID.

ANN, I HAVE SOMETHING
VERY PERSONAL,

VERY REAL, AND VERY
MEANINGFUL I HAVE TO ASK.

HAVE YOU FINISHED
MY LAUNDRY YET?

ALMOST.

WELL, WELL, THERE'S NO HURRY.

I JUST THOUGHT I'D GET
IT OUT OF YOUR WAY.

HEY, DAVID, WHAT WAS THAT BET

THAT STUCK US WITH
YOUR DUMB LAUNDRY?

IT WAS JUST A DUMB BET.

IT WAS NOT DUMB.
IT WAS BRILLIANT.

I'LL DEMONSTRATE.

I GOTTA SEE THIS.

HOW MANY FINGERS DO YOU SEE?

3.

AND NOW?

3.

AND NOW?

3.

THERE ARE 4. I SEE 3.

I'M TELLING YOU THERE ARE 4.3.

THERE ARE 4 FINGERS HERE.

IF I'M WRONG WILL YOU DO
MY LAUNDRY FOR A WEEK?

YES!

I'M WRONG.

[all screaming]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I WILL PICK UP THE REST
OF MY LAUNDRY TOMORROW

AND DROP THE NEW
LOAD OFF FOR JULIE NEXT.

HEY, DAVID, YOU IN A HURRY? DO
YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES?

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
IS BACK AT THE TIVOLI.

OH, ANN, I'D... I'D LOVE TO,

BUT I HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT MEETING.

TONIGHT?

SURE. DON'T YOU REMEMBER? I
TOLD YOU I'D BE BUSY ON FRIDAY.

OH, AND IT'S THE LAST NIGHT
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

I WAS DYIN' TO SEE IT AGAIN.

BUT, MA, DON'T
GIVE UP SO EASILY.

YOU'RE A WOMAN. USE IT. RIGHT.

PUT A LITTLE MORE INTO IT.

OH, DAVID, DAVID,
YOU FOXY, SEXY HUNK.

OH, KISS, KISS. PLEASE, KISS.

TAKE ME TO THE MOVIE TONIGHT,
I'LL BE YOURS, BODY AND SOUL.

IT'S WORTH A TRY.

OH, DAVID, DAVID,

YOU FOXY, SEXY HUNK.

I'LL BE YOURS, BODY AND SOUL.

BUT ONLY DURING THE CARTOON.

[imitating Woody Woodpecker]

NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

LISTEN, ANN, I'D LOVE TO SEE
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER AGAIN.

I COULD USE THE SLEEP. OOH.

BUT, UH, EDGAR
PETERSON IS FLYING IN

JUST FOR THIS MEETING
AND HE'S OUR BIGGEST CLIENT.

SO, UH, I'LL SEE YOU. OK.

[doorbell rings]

WELL, HELLO. HI.

HI, ANN. HI, DENNY.

HI, GIRLS.

YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME I SEE
THESE GIRLS, I GET JEALOUS.

2 BEAUTIFUL CHILD
SUPPORT CHECKS.

DAVID, THIS IS DENNY BARNES.

UH, DENNY JUST
MOVED IN LAST MONTH.

UH, DENNY, DAVID
KANE. HE LIVES UPSTAIRS.

WE'VE MET. AS A MATTER...

YES, YES, IN THE ELEVATOR.
UH, DENNY, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, FANTASTIC,
ACCORDING TO EVERYBODY

EXCEPT MY EX-HUSBAND.

DENNY HAS THIS SLIGHT
TENDENCY TO BE OUTSPOKEN.

YES, I KNOW.

UH, TH-THAT IS, WE HAD QUITE A
CONVERSATION IN THE ELEVATOR.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
GUYS KNEW DAVID.

OH, HE'S AN OLD FRIEND.

UH, I'M ANN'S LAWYER. I
HANDLED HER DIVORCE.

MMM-HMM. I WISH
YOU'D HANDLED MINE.

I LOOKED ALL OVER FOR A RICH,
HANDSOME, AVAILABLE LAWYER,

AND THEN I CAUGHT HIM
WINKING AT THE BAILIFF.

[all chattering]

WELL, I'VE GOT TO
GET TO MY MEETING.

HEY, NOW I KNOW WHY
I CAME DOWN HERE.

UH, DAVID, WOULD YOU
WAIT JUST A SECOND?

DO YOU... DO YOU HAVE
ANY PLANT HORMONES?

MY, UH, CREEPING
CHARLIE IS POOPING OUT.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

HEY, MAYBE SCHNEIDER
WILL HAVE SOME HORMONES.

[snickering]

THAT'S THE UNDERSTATEMENT
OF THE YEAR.

WELL, LISTEN, YOU
KNOW CHARLIE CAN WAIT.

UH, I'LL TALK SEXY TO HIM.
THAT'LL HOLD HIM OVER.

KISS, KISS.

[giggling] BYE, GIRLS. BYE, ANN.

GOODBYE, DENNY.

SEE YOU, DAVID.

YEAH, RIGHT.

BOY, WOULD I LOVE
TO TAP HER PHONE.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

HEY, DAVID, UH, YOU MIGHT AS
WELL TAKE WHAT I'VE ALREADY DONE.

HERE ARE SOME SHIRTS. OK.

AND I WASHED YOUR BATHROBE
AND IRONED YOUR PAJAMAS!

YOU IRONED MY PAJAMAS?

WELL, SHE DOES WINDOWS, TOO.

SHE'S A REAL OLD-FASHIONED GIRL.

YOU BETTER GRAB HER QUICK.

I TRIED THAT. IT DOESN'T WORK.

OK, ANN.

THANKS A LOT. AND I'LL PICK
UP THE REST TOMORROW. OK?

HEY, UH, DAVID, YOU NEVER
MENTIONED THAT YOU KNEW HER?

WHO? DENNY.

OH, DENNY, UH...

WELL, I GUESS SHE JUST DIDN'T
MAKE A VERY BIG IMPRESSION.

(both) DENNY?

SEE YA. AHEM.

UH, DAVID, YOU WANT TO COME
TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?

YOU TALKED ME INTO IT.

AS USUAL. CUTE.

BYE.

MOM, YOU ARE TOO MUCH.

DAVID COMES OVER HERE,
GETS A PAIR OF SOCKS WASHED,

AND A FREE MEAL, AND HE
THINKS HE'S GOT IT MADE.

YOU'RE PLAYING
HIM EXACTLY RIGHT.

PLAYING WHAT EXACTLY RIGHT?

THE GAME. I DO IT ALL
THE TIME WITH PETER.

SEE, I GIVE HIM A
KISS ON THE NOSE,

AND I GET BACK 2 BIG MACS, A
FREE GAME OF MINIATURE GOLF,

AND ALL THE NOTES
FOR THE HISTORY TEST.

WHICH YOU BOTH FLUNKED.

AH, JULIE, I WANT YOU
TO GET THIS STRAIGHT.

NOW, I AM NOT PLAYING
ANY GAME WITH DAVID.

AW, MA, CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT IT?

I MEAN, WE'RE BOTH MATURE WOMEN,

AND THE BARBIE DOLL HERE
MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.

JULIE, HOW ABOUT
LETTING DAVID AND I

WORK OUT OUR LIVES
FOR OURSELVES?

MOM, I'M JUST TRYING TO
PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.

SEE, EVERY TIME I GET
INVOLVED WITH A GUY,

I HAVE TO FIGHT HIM OFF,

BUT YOU KEEP
DAVID RIGHT IN LINE.

IT'S A WORK OF ART.

JULIE, AS USUAL YOU'VE
GOT IT ALL WRONG.

REALLY?

YES. DAVID AND I
HAVE WORKED IT OUT.

HE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL AND
HE'S MATURE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT IT.

NOW WILL YOU TWO GIRLS PLEASE
GO AND DO YOU HOMEWORK?

OH, I'VE GOT TO LEARN
YOUR TECHNIQUE, MOM.

ARE YOU DECENT?

HA. ISN'T IT A LITTLE TOO
LATE TO ASK, SCHNEIDER?

OOPS!

UH-HUH, DEPENDS ON
HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

UH, LISTEN, MS. ROMANO,
IS HUMPTY DUMPTY HERE?

HE WAS, BUT HE LEFT.

OBVIOUSLY, IN A HURRY.

HEY, I'M JUST KIDDIN'.

EVERYBODY KNOWS HE
AIN'T PASSED "GO" YET.

UH, SCHNEIDER, HE,
UH, HE IS NOT HERE.

UH, HE WENT TO A
BUSINESS MEETING.

WELL, THEN HE MUST'VE WALKED.

BECAUSE HIS CAR IS
BLOCKIN' MY GARBAGE CANS,

AND I GOTTA GET AT 'EM.

HIS CAR?

YES, I GOT AN EMERGENCY.

MR. RIBGY GOT TIRED
OF HIS WIFE'S YAKKIN',

SO HE THREW AWAY
HER FALSE TEETH.

[imitating Mrs. Ribgy]

YOU KNOW, THAT'S FUNNY.

HE... HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO
THE MEETING. HE WAS IN A HURRY.

BUT THAT DOES LOOK LIKE HIS CAR?

OF COURSE IT'S HIS CAR.

DON'T YOU SEE HIS
NEW BUMPER STICKER?

"VIVA MALPRACTICE."

[laughing]

UH, SCHNEIDER, DID
YOU TRY HIS APARTMENT?

I KNOCKED, I KNOCKED,
I KNOCKED, I KNOCKED.

NOBODY ANSWERED.

UH, DID YOU USE YOUR PASSKEY?

ARE YOU KIDDIN'? THAT'S
INVASION OF PRIVACY.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.

HE WAS IN A HURRY WHEN HE LEFT.

HIS CAR IS STILL HERE...
I'M GONNA CALL HIM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

PROBABLY, UH, NOTHING.

NOTHING?

MRS. RIGBY'S UPSTAIRS
GUMMING AN EAR OF CORN

AND YOU SAY NOTHING?

WHAT?

THERE'S NO ANSWER.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING?

DAVID. WE LOST HIM.

I MEAN, HIS... HIS CAR IS HERE,

HE WAS IN A HURRY WHEN HE LEFT.

I HOPE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

WELL, HE WAS ACTING A LITTLE
STRANGE WHEN HE WAS HERE.

HE WAS, WASN'T HE?

UH, MAYBE HE'S COMING
DOWN WITH SOMETHING.

WELL, IF YOU CALL A DOCTOR,
DON'T MENTION HE'S A LAWYER.

MAYBE HE HURT HIMSELF.

COULD BE.

I ONCE KNEW A GUY

WHO SHORT CIRCUITED
6 ENTIRE CITY BLOCKS

SITTIN' ON HIS JOHN
USIN' HIS HOT COMB.

UH, BARBARA, GO DO
YOUR HOMEWORK, HUH?

UH, SCHNEIDER, LOOK,

I THINK WE BETTER GO
CHECK HIS APARTMENT.

CAN I, UH, USE YOUR PASSKEY?

SURE, ANYTHING.
YOUR BECK IS MY CALL.

♪ [Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor by Bach playing]

WELL, HE'S GOTTA BE IN THERE.

HE'S PLAYING ONE OF
'EM BACH FEUDS AGAIN.

BUT HE'S NOT ANSWERING
SOMETHING MUST'VE HAPPENED.

OPEN IT. OPEN IT. OPEN IT.

OPEN IT. OPEN IT.
OPEN IT. OPEN IT.

IT DOESN'T WORK.

DO SOMETHING. HE
MIGHT BE SICK, HURT.

MS. ROMANO, HE HAS
OBVIOUSLY CHANGED THE LOCK.

BECAUSE MY KEY... WAIT A SECOND.

HMM. NOW THIS. WATCH THIS.

[muttering]

[laughing]

[music continues playing]

I'M GONNA CHANGE
THE RECORD AND...

[gasping]

(David) OH, DENNY,
WAIT A MINUTE.

HEY, WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.
HOLD ON. WAIT, WAIT.

DON'T CHANGE IT. LET IT...

BUT, JODI, HE'S USING YOU.

HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. HE
WANTS WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

I MEAN, HOW MANY GIRLS
HAVE A KAWASAKI 750?

MOM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING DID YOU FIND DAVID? YES.

UH, JODI, HOLD ON A
SECOND. JULIE, HANG UP.

MOM... I SAID HANG UP!

DAVID'S BOUND TO CALL. I
WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.

UH, JODI, CALL BACK LATER.

IS DAVID ALL RIGHT?
WH-WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING HAPPENED. I
DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENED.

[phone ringing]

HELLO? UH, JUST A
SECOND. MOM, IT'S DAVID.

HANG UP! I DON'T
WANT TO TALK TO HIM.

YOU MADE ME HANG UP ON JODI

JUST SO YOU COULD
HANG UP ON DAVID?

I SAID HANG UP!

UH, DAVID, I THINK YOU
BETTER CALL BACK LATER.

MOM, WHAT HAPPENED UP THERE?

I TOLD YOU, NOTHING

THE BATHROBE.

HE WAS WEARING THE
BATHROBE I WASHED AND IRONED.

AND SHE WAS WEARING THE PAJAMAS.

SHE? WHO'S "SHE"?

NOBODY.

YOU SAID, "SHE." I HEARD
IT, TOO. YOU SAID, "SHE."

DAVID WAS UP THERE WITH A WOMAN.

UH, I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS!

MAYBE YOU DON'T, BUT I DO.

JULIE... UH, CALL JODI.

I DON'T WANNA CALL JODI.
MA, THIS IS MUCH BETTER!

DAVID WAS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

SO, THAT'S WHY HE HASN'T
BEEN CLIMBING THE WALLS LATELY.

WHO WAS IT?

IT WAS DENNY. I
KNOW IT WAS DENNY.

IT HAD TO BE DENNY!

THAT'S WHY DAVID WAS
ACTING SO STRANGE

WHEN SHE WAS DOWN HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. DAVID
WAS CHEATING ON MOM.

BARBIE YOU CAN'T
CHEAT ON PLATONIC.

BELIEVE ME, I DON'T
CARE WHAT HE WAS DOING!

IF HE WANTS TO BE THE
BUILDING'S OFFICIAL JACK RABBIT,

THAT IS DANDY WITH ME!

WOW, YOU'RE JEALOUS.

NO. WRONG! NO! I'M NOT JEALOUS.

I'M JUST, UH, DISAPPOINTED
IN HIM. THAT'S ALL.

JEALOUS. RIGHT.

WRONG. BARBARA, JULIE, LOOK.

DAVID HAS A RIGHT
TO LEAD HIS OWN LIFE.

I'VE ALWAYS ACKNOWLEDGED
THAT. SO WHY SHOULD I BE JEALOUS?

SURE, IT WAS A SURPRISE. I
WAS A LITTLE ANGRY AT FIRST,

BUT I'M NOT ANGRY ANYMORE.

[knocking on door]

I'LL GET IT.

BARBARA, WAIT.

[knocking at door]

WHO IS IT?

UH, IT'S DAVID.

WELL, THAT WAS QUICK.

ANN, I... I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

WOULD YOU OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE?

BYE, DAVID.

UH, ANN, STOP BEING RIDICULOUS.

OPEN THE DOOR. LET
ME IN, OK? LET ME IN.

OH, DAVID, HOW FOOLISH OF ME!

YOUR LAUNDRY!
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!

(David) ANN, STOP
FOOLING AROUND, PLEASE.

ANN, COME ON.

[knocking]

I HOPE YOUR SHORTS SHRUNK!

ANN! ANN, COME ON!

HEY, UH, VALENTINO. YOU
DROPPED YOUR CALLING CARD.

BUZZ OFF, SCHNEIDER.

HEY, I'M ON YOUR SIDE.

WE MACHOS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.

WILL YOU BEAT IT?

I'M JUST TRYIN' TO BE
OF SOME HELP TO YOU.

NEXT TIME,

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS PARK
YOUR CAR ROUND THE CORNER,

CLIMB IN THE BASEMENT WINDOW,

AND I'LL SNEAK YOU
UPSTAIRS IN A TRASH CAN.

YOU TAKE A HIKE.

YOU SHOULD'VE CLUED ME IN.

I COULD'VE TOLD MRS. ROMANO I SEEN
YOU OVER AT THE AMERICAN LEGION HALL.

SCHNEIDER.

I REALLY UNDERESTIMATED
YOU, I REALLY DID.

I MEAN, YOUR TECHNIQUE
IS A LITTLE ROUGH,

BUT THE RESULTS ARE INCREDIBLE.

SCHNEIDER.

2 IN ONE BUILDING.

SCHNEIDER!

OK. ALL RIGHT. I THINK
WHAT I'LL DO, I'LL, UH,

I'LL GO... I'LL GO CHECK
IN ON MS. BARNES.

I MEAN, AFTER ALL, SHE
WAS KIND OF LEFT HANGING.

ANN! ANN, OPEN THIS DOOR!

ANN, IF YOU DON'T
OPEN THIS DOOR,

I'M GONNA PUT MY FIST
THROUGH THE WINDOW!

OK.

UH, GIRLS, WOULD YOU, UH...

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS QUIETLY
LIKE 2 REASONABLE ADULTS?

DAVID, I AM NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR APOLOGIES.

I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF APOLOGIZING.

YOU HAD NO RIGHT
BREAKING INTO MY APARTMENT.

DAVID, I WAS WORRIED
THAT YOU WERE SICK

OR HURT.

IF I KNEW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO
LIE TO ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED.

OH, COME ON.

"OH, ANN, EDGAR PETERSON
IS FLYING INTO TOWN

FOR THIS VERY IMPORTANT
BUSINESS MEETING."

I'M SORRY I INTERRUPTED YOU BEFORE
YOU CONCLUDED YOUR BUSINESS WITH OLD ED!

WAIT A MINUTE! IN
THE PAJAMAS I IRONED!

DAMN IT, DAVID! YOU
SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME

AND THEN YOU SPEND WEDNESDAY
AND FRIDAY NIGHTS WITH HER!

I DID NOT SPEND
WEDNESDAY NIGHT WITH HER!

OH, YES, YOU DID! I KNOW BECAUSE
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING BOWLING!

I DID GO BOWLING!
MY SCORE WAS 166.

IF I HADN'T INTERRUPTED,
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN 167!

WHAT NUMBER HAVE
I BEEN ASSIGNED?

ABOUT 950.

[sighing]

OH, DAVID, WHY DID
YOU HAVE TO LIE TO ME?

YOU KNOW WHY I HAD TO LIE,
BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

YOU'RE NOT OBJECTING TO THE LIE.

YOU'RE OBJECTING BECAUSE
I WAS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

OH, YEAH? THEN WHY DID
YOU BRING UP THE HANDBALL?

THE BOWLING! I PLAYED
HANDBALL LAST WEEK.

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE
YOUR LIES DOWN, DAVID,

SO YOU CAN REMEMBER THEM.

LISTEN, ANN, WHY
DON'T YOU FACE IT?

YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE YOU THINK

I'VE BEEN UNFAITHFUL
TO YOU, WHICH IS A RIOT!

NOT TO MENTION A
CONTRADICTION IN TERMS

SINCE IT IS CATEGORICALLY
IMPOSSIBLE TO BE UNFAITHFUL

TO A WOMAN I'VE NEVER
EVEN HAD THE CHANCE

TO BE FAITHFUL WITH
IN THE FIRST PLACE!

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WOULD HAVE
LIKED ME TO HANG AROUND HERE FOREVER

PLAYING THE CUDDLY,
COMFORTABLE, CONVENIENT EUNUCH.

AND TONIGHT THE
WHOLE GAME BLEW UP!

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO
PLAY THAT GAME ANYMORE.

WE'VE CLEARED THE AIR.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO LIVE.

WHEN DID YOU STOP?

IT'S BEEN NICE. AND
THAT'S ALL IT'S BEEN.

[bawling]

LOOK, UH, EVERYTHING'S...
EVERYTHING'S FOR THE

[blowing nose]

BEST.

IT WAS, UH, BOUND TO
COME TO THIS, ANYWAY.

[moaning]

I'M GONNA MISS HIM.

YEAH, WELL,

I'M GOING TO MAKE
IT A POINT NOT TO.

HEY, MAMA, LOOK
AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.

NO MORE BIG SHIRTS TO IRON.

[laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

UH, LOOK, I DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO ANYBODY, OK?

IS YOUR MOTHER HERE?

NO, DENNY, I'M SORRY.
OF COURSE, SHE IS.

HELLO, ANN. GIRLS, WILL
YOU STOP GLARING AT ME?

YOUR MOTHER AND I WANT TO TALK.

[bawling] OH, NO, WE DON'T.

WELL, I DO.

ANN, LISTEN, WE HAD A
NICE FRIENDSHIP STARTING.

I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL IT

JUST BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A
RELATIONSHIP GOING WITH THE SAME GUY.

UH, GIRLS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, RED OR WHITE?

I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS.

NEITHER AM I,

BUT IF WE DON'T TALK, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO EAT THIS ICE CREAM ALL BY MYSELF.

ANN, I HAD NO IDEA
ABOUT YOU AND DAVID.

I MEAN, WE DIDN'T DO
THAT MUCH TALKING.

OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I REALLY DON'T
WANNA GET INTO THIS.

WAS HE DOWN HERE
WEDNESDAY NIGHT?

HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING BOWLING.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
HUH. NO HE WASN'T HERE.

UH, LOOK.

UH, DAVID COMES
DOWN HERE FOR DINNER.

WE GO, UH, DANCING.

HE TAKES YOU DANCING?

HE TOLD ME HE HAD A BAD BACK.

HMM, COME TO THINK OF
IT, I SURE NEVER NOTICED IT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, DENNY. UH, DAVID AND I,

UH, WE DON'T HAVE THE SAME
KIND OF, UH, RELATIONSHIP

YOU AND HE HAVE.

I DON'T GET IT. ARE YOU
FIRST COUSINS OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T HAVE TO
SPELL THIS OUT, DO I?

NO. YOU'RE NOT
MAKING IT WITH HIM.

I DON'T WANT HIM.

YEAH.

I DO WANT HIM.

I WANT HIM, BUT YET,
UH, HE'S RUSHING ME.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN HIM?

YEAR AND A HALF.

THAT'S RUSHING IT?

YOU KNOW ME, SORRY,
KEEP IT LIGHT. KEEP IT GAY.

THERE'S ONE THING I
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I MEAN, YOU REALLY SEEM
TO DIG THE GUY, SO WHY...

I DO A LOT, AND THAT'S
WHAT SCARES ME.

I DON'T WANNA GET
INVOLVED WITH DAVID.

IF I GET ANY MORE
INVOLVED WITH HIM,

I'M AFRAID I'M NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO PULL BACK.

UH, I WAS MARRIED.

FOR 17 YEARS, I WAS DEPENDENT.

FOR 17 YEARS.

THOSE 17 YEARS ARE OVER.

BUT I'M THE SAME
ME. STILL DEPENDENT.

ONLY THIS TIME, ON DAVID.

[sighs]

HE'S MARVELOUS WITH THE
KIDS. HE'S GOT A TERRIFIC MIND,

A WONDERFUL SENSE
OF HUMOR, HE'S...

WE HAVE A GREAT TIME TOGETHER.
HE UNDERSTANDS MY NEEDS.

SOMETIMES BETTER THAN I DO.

I DON'T WANNA TELL YOU ALL THIS.

THEN DON'T.

DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY THAT IS?

IT MEANS I'M GOING
TO GET MORE INVOLVED.

AND WITH DAVID. I DON'T
WANNA GET MORE INVOLVED.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE
THE WAY IT IS RIGHT NOW?

I GOTTA FIND OUT WHO I AM.

I GOT TO TEST MY WINGS.

WITHOUT FLYING?

HOW CAN YOU TEST YOUR
WINGS WITHOUT TRYING TO FLY?

[sighs]

DAMN IT, DENNY.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS I...

UH,

WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?

RIGHT. I'LL BE IN MY
APARTMENT IF YOU NEED ME,

STUFFING MY FACE.

[phone ringing]

HELLO?

DAVID, DON'T HANG UP.

DAVID?

DAVID?

WHAT?

I WANNA COME UP.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

DAVID, YOU'RE NOT
REALLY ANGRY WITH ME?

YES, I AM.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I CERTAINLY AM.

YOU'RE NOT!

I AM.

DAVID, I SAY YOU'RE NOT. IF
I'M WRONG, CAN I COME UP?

YES.

I'M WRONG.

(female announcer) THIS PROGRAM
WAS RECORDED ON TAPE

BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.