Once Upon a Time (2011–2018): Season 3, Episode 16 - It's Not Easy Being Green - full transcript

[ wind howling,
thunder crashing ]

[ baby crying ]

Woman:
Do you hear that?

Man: It's nothing.
Stick to the road.

[ baby coos ]

Oh.
Where did it come from?

The cyclone
must have dropped it.

Dear,
what are you doing?

What do you
expect me to do?

Leave the poor thing
to the wolves?

Oh.



She's beautiful.
Yeah.

[ branch cracking ]

[ whoosh ]

She did that.

She knocked
the tree away.

Calm your nerves, dear.
It was just the wind.

She's only a babe,
and she needs our help.

Can we keep her?

That's not a good idea.
Did you see what she did?

She's not like us.

Oh, you're right.
She's not.

She's alone, and we're
going to take care of her.

Now,
stick to the road,

Or we'll never make it
to the emerald city before dawn.



What shall
we call her?

What about...
Zelena?

She's going to be
the happiest baby in all of oz.

¶

¶

¶

¶

¶

¶

¶

[ panting ]

You spent so long figuring out
how to get to this land,

Groomed regina
to cast your curse,

Spent 28 years
waiting for it to be broken,

All so you could
be with your son,
and now he's gone.

Tell me, rumple.

Was he really worth
all that trouble?

Every bit of it.

He was family.

Something you know
nothing about.

Zelena:
[ grunts ]

How's that, father?

Oh. Missed a spot.

No matter what you feel
on the inside, zelena,

Remember to
always put on a good face.

I know, father.

[ gasps ]
careless child!

[ whoosh ]

Don't touch me!

I-I'm sorry.
I can't help it.

You mean
you can't control it.

Maybe if you could
let me learn how to --

Then everyone would see
what you really are.

Wicked.

[ voice breaking ]
how can you say that
to your own daughter?

Because
you're not my daughter!

[ exhales sharply ]

There. I said it.

After all these years,
now that your mother's gone,

I can finally
tell you the truth.

What are you
talking about?

You're not our child,
zelena.

We found you in a --
in the woods, in a basket,

Dropped out of
a tornado.

Your mother wanted
to take you in.

She was lulled
by your beauty.

But under the surface,
there was something else.

Your wickedness!

[ crying ]

Well -- well,
I'd rather be wicked

Than a sad, old drunk!

What do you think
drove me to drink, child?!

Now,
wipe away those tears.

You put on
a good face!

Make me breakfast.

I think not.

If I've really caused you
this much trouble,

I'll spare you any more!

Now, where do you think
you're going?

Who can help me find
a family that wants me.

The wizard of oz.

[ indistinct conversations ]

Perhaps I should paint
a bull's-eye on the
wicked witch's back.

She'll get more than a dart
when I find her.

I know you're hurting,
swan,

But there are better ways
to grieve baelfire's death

Than letting anger
overcome you.

Let me guess. Rum?

Never hurts.

I'll stick with anger, at least
until I deal with zelena.

Vengeance isn't the thing that's
gonna make you feel better.

It's gonna make
this town safer.

I'd find the person responsible
for his father's death.

That's really all I can do
for him right now.

That can't be true.

Have you tried
talking to the boy?

I haven't seen neal
since he left me in jail.

So, anything I tell him
about his dad being a hero

Sounds like I'm making it up
just to get him to feel better.

Perhaps
I can talk to him.

About what?

Leather conditioner
and eyeliner?

I knew bae as a boy.

Perhaps henry would like to hear
what his father was like

When he was his age.

You'd really do that?

Aye.

It could help the boy make peace
with his father's passing.

And me.
[ chuckles lightly ]

Be careful.
Zelena's still out there.

I assure you...

Nothing will happen to the boy
while he's in my charge.

Henry, you remember killian.

Hello, henry.

It's the lion tattoo.

It's what was prophesied.
He's your soul mate.

I know.
I saw it yesterday.
And you didn't
tell me?

Well, right now I have
better things to do than
to gossip about boys.

[ clears throat ]
care for a drink?

[ exhales sharply ]

I, uh...

I do hope I didn't upset you
yesterday.

Uh, robin hood,
tinker bell.

Tinker bell,
robin hood.

I've been wanting to meet you
for a very long time.

And, no,
you didn't upset me.

I just found a clue trail
that needed to be followed.

One that didn't lead
anywhere.

I don't
daytime drink.

Ah, well, um,
perhaps some evening, then.

What was all that
about?

Didn't you learn anything
from the last time you
screwed this up?

If you had been open
to the possibility of love

Maybe your life
wouldn't have turned out so...

So what?

How did
my life turn out?

Why am I
even bothering?

Emma: [ sighs ]

[ sighs ]
how are you holding up?

How do you think?

Oh, emma.

[ whoosh ]

My condolences.

I'm so sorry
I missed the funeral,

But I could never pass up
a wake.

Oh,
did I miss the speeches?

Shall I make one?

I mean, I am, after all,
responsible.

Emma, no.
Too many people will get hurt.

Listen to your mother.
She's right.

Anyone who tries
to interfere with my plan

Is gonna have to deal
with the dark one.

Don't come any closer.

Don't worry.
I'm not here for your baby.

Not today, anyway.

Then why
are you here?

Now that
my cover's blown,

I can finally pay a visit
to my little sister.

Who the hell
are you talking about?

Why, you, of course,
regina.

[ murmuring ]

What?

I'm an only child.

Cora lied to you,
regina.

I'm your sister.

Half, if you
want to get technical.

Why should I believe
anything you say?

Oh, well,
you shouldn't.

It's a lot to swallow,

Which is why I've
brought a gift to help.

[ chuckles ]
I don't want a gift from you.

Oh,
but you shall have it.

You see, my gift to you
is this sad, sad day.

Use it to dig into
our past, regina.

You need to learn the truth,
and you must believe it.

And then meet me
on main street tonight.

Say...Sundown.

And then what?

Then I'll destroy you.

This isn't the wild west.

No, dear.

It's the wicked west.

And I want everyone to be there
to see the evil queen lose.

I don't lose.

[ chuckles ]

Neither do I.

One of us
is about to make history.

See you tonight, sis.

[ laughs ]

[ whoosh ]

Hook: There.
That one will do.

You don't like
the sea?
No. It's not that.

It's just, my mom
always seems to pawn me off

On her friends
that have boats

When she's working
her case.

Your mother didn't
pawn you off on me.

I wanted
to bring you here.

Why?

But your father and I
were mates long before
he met your mother.

You...Knew my dad?
What was he like?

Hop aboard
and you'll find out.

Henry:
[ grunts ]

And you're sure cora never said
anything about her?

If my mother told me she had
a love child with a scarecrow.

It doesn't matter if zelena
is your sister or not.

She wants you dead.
Any idea why?

I never even met her
before today.

Doesn't mean you didn't
do something to piss her off.

You did manage to step on
a lot of toes back in our world.

Well,
none of them were green.

Then there's
the missing year.

Maybe you did
something to her then.

Stick to the lasagna,
lady.

It's starting to sound an awful
lot like you're all on her side.

To find out exactly what
this witch thinks I did to her.

[ echoing ]
I've been expecting you.

[ exhales sharply ]

How did you know
I was coming?

I see all.

I am oz,
the great and terrible.

You've come because
you wish to find your family.

Can you help me?

I will show you
what you seek to know.

But I warn you,

It won't be easy
for you.

[ gasps ]

[ exhales sharply ]

Is that my mother?

Her name was cora.

She gave birth to you
in another land.

A cyclone struck
and carried you to this world.

Why did she abandon me?

You couldn't give her
the one thing she truly wanted.

The ability
to become royalty.

[ exhales sharply ]

Who's that?

Your sister, regina.

Wait.
I've got a sister?

Your sister could do
what your mother wished.

Regina became queen.

Who is that man?

That is
rumplestiltskin,

A very powerful wizard.

The most powerful
in all the realms.

Like you, regina has
the gift of magic.

But she has been
unable to develop it.

Magic is a gift?

Yes, and he's trying
to teach her that.

He should be
teaching me.

Not her.

I need to meet
this wizard.

I-I'll pay
whatever you desire.

Just, please [sighs]
tell me how to get there.

[ whoosh ]
look down.

When you click your heels
together three times,

Those slippers will take you
wherever you desire.

Well, what do you want
in return?

I simply ask that you bring me
something of rumplestiltskin's.

Be careful.

It is one thing
to wonder about your past,

But another to become envious
of things you cannot have.

[ exhales sharply ]

[ heels clicking ]

[ whoosh ]

[ breathes deeply ]

[ whoosh ]

[ exhales deeply ]

Rumplestiltskin: Well,
this is a day of surprises.

I thought that would take you
at least unt--

You're not regina.

No.

I'm cora's
other daughter.

That's not possible.

I'm zelena...
Her firstborn.

We'll see about that.

[ bottle top pops ]

[ whoosh ]

Well, hello, dearie.

A day of surprises,
indeed.

[ sighs ] regina,
is she telling the truth?

I don't know.
I haven't found anything yet.

Are you sure that cora
didn't booby-trap her stuff?

I mean, I don't think
that a sleeping curse
would be good for the baby.

[ footsteps approach ]

Emma: David, belle, and tink
are locking down main street

Just in case
this fight actually happens.

Regina,
did you find something?

A -- a letter.

What's it say?

Zelena is my sister.

Regina, w-what is --

Nothing.
Don't worry about it.

[ chest closes ]

It's my fight.
I've got it handled.

What the hell
was in that letter?

If we position someone there,
there, and there,

We'll have
the whole street covered.

I'll talk to blue, see if
we can get reinforcements.

No, you heard zelena.
She said no interference.

She'll probably order gold
to level half the block

If we try something before
she gets a crack at her sister.

So they really
are sisters?

She found a letter
in her vault
confirming it.

Where is she?
Regina.

She disappeared.
Something in the
letter upset her.

Should we try
to find her?

Regina was pretty
clear she didn't want
any help on this one.

You want to let her
walk into this fight alone?

No. She's gonna get help
whether she wants it or not.

B-but -- but you just said
we can't interfere.

Because zelena has gold
on her side.

We need to remove him
from the equation.

It's the only way
regina has a fighting chance.

You saw zelena.
She practically has it
glued to her hand.

Wait, wait.
What if --

What if I can get through
to rumple without the dagger?

It's worth a try.
Regina can't do this alone.

[ sighs ]

[ gasps ]

We have to stop
meeting like this.

Did the charmings send you
to give me a pep talk?

'cause I don't do well
with pep talks.

Robin hood:
No, nothing of the sort.

After zelena's threat,
I decided to patrol the woods

In case she decided to build
the ranks of her simian army.

How are you
holding up?

I'm not a flying monkey,
if that's what you mean.
[ chuckles ]

So, are you gonna tell me
what's in that letter
you've been staring at?

What letter?

This one.

I spent spent many
years learning how
to rob from magicians.

You're lucky I'm saving
my strength for that witch.

I think, deep down,

You actually want to
talk about what's in here.

And what makes you think
you know me so well?

Well, for one thing,
I'd be charred to a crisp
by now if you didn't.

True.
[ chuckles ]

So, can I read it?

I'm not stopping you.

"cora, dear, I finally got
my hands on your firstborn.

"never thought I'd find her.
Did you?

"now I know why.

"she's the most powerful
sorceress I've ever encountered,

"even more powerful
than you.

Stunning in every way."

Rather complimentary,
I'd say.

Why is this
troubling you?

I've seen that letter
a hundred times before.

In my darkest moments,
I'd...Go to it for comfort,

For solace, for...A boost
when I needed it,

Because I...

...Because I always thought
it was about me.

[ sighs ]

It's about zelena.

Rumplestiltskin thinks
she's more powerful than I am.

Why care
what that imp thinks?

Because if the man who taught me
everything I know about magic

Thinks she is stronger
than I am...

...Then there is no way
I can win this fight.

Cora never
mentioned me?

A firstborn daughter?

I think that's something
I would've remembered.
[ sighs sharply ]

Now, there's a spell --
a curse --

I've been working on
for a very, very long time.

Now,
I foresaw that --

That that curse could only
be cast by cora's daughter.

That's why
you've been training regina.

You thought
she was going to cast the curse.

Until today.

Shall we see
what you can do?

Magic isn't about
what you see, dearie.

It's about
what you feel inside.

You'll have to
dig deep

If you want to pass
tonight's test.

What am I
meant to do?
Simple.

Find...Me.

Over here, dearie.

Close,
but not close enough.

Magic comes
from emotion.

Simply think of a moment that
makes you seethe with anger.

And use it
to fuel that magic, yes.

I learned that
a long time ago.

Well, it's --
it's hard to pick one.

Finding out
that my mother abandoned me,

That my father
never wanted me...

Getting warmer.

...That my sister got
everything that I ever desired,

That she didn't
even have to try,

That it was all
just handed to her,

That she doesn't even know
what she has!

Ding, dong.

[ exhales sharply ]

There it is.

And I can feel it
in your nails.

I'm sorry.

And now you need to think
of a moment of happiness to
rein in some of that anger.

Wh-what do you
think about?

I'm the teacher.
I ask the questions.

But -- but if you don't tell me,
then how will I learn?

Well, like you,
I was abandoned as a child.

Some spinsters
took us in.

We didn't have much,
but we got by.

Whenever we'd finish a job,
they used to bake meat pies.

The entire hovel would fill
with the most wonderful smell.

And after they'd cooled,

They always used to let me
take the first bite.

And as the food
warmed my belly,

That was the only time
I forgot who I really was --

A boy who wasn't wanted
by his papa.

[ chuckles ]
then I know my moment.

What's that, dearie?

The moment I stopped feeling
like someone who wasn't wanted.

The moment
you agreed to train me.

[ exhales deeply ]

[ cackles ]

[ chuckles ]

Emma: We're clear!
There's no sign of zelena!

It looks like she's still
keeping gold in the cellar!

[ door hinges creak ]

Rumple?

Belle?!

I've come to free you.

You have no idea what that
witch will make me do to
you if she catches us.

[ chuckling ] I'm not afraid.
You could never hurt me.

No, it's futile.

As long as she holds the dagger,
I cannot leave.

I'm not leaving
without you.

It's not worth the risk.

Just try.

[ grunts ]

You just have to
believe in us.

Run.

What?

Run! Go!

[ laughs ]

Don't mind me.

Carry on.
I was just enjoying the show.

[ whoosh ]

Emma: Belle!
Over here!

[ crying ] it was a trick.
She was toying with us.

Zelena sends a message.

She will face regina
without interference!

The next time
you try to stop her,

I will kill you.

I think I've tied
every knot in here.

[ seagulls squawking ]

When do we get to
the part about my dad?

Just a few moments
longer.

There.

Come here.

What's this?

That, my boy,
is a sextant.

It's a tool used by sailors
to navigate.

Like a gps?

It measures our position
using the stars.

Not sure
that's what a gps does,

But what does it
have to do with my dad?

Well, I taught him
to navigate with one,

Just like
I'm gonna teach you.

Were you both in the navy
or something?

No, bae --

Neal was just a boy
when I taught him.

Wait.
Aren't you the same age?

It seems like the more
you guys tell me about my dad,

The less things
make sense.

I don't want to
learn how to navigate.

That doesn't make him
sound like he's made up
so I'll like the guy.

Your mother isn't
keeping things from you

Because she doesn't want you
to know the truth.

I know.
She's doing it to protect me,

But how am I supposed to feel
anything about him being gone

If I don't know what he was like
while he was here?

Fair enough, mate.

What I haven't told you is why
I taught your father to sail.

Because he'd just lost
his father.

I thought the sea
would help ease his sorrow.

Wait.
He lost his dad, too?

Aye.

To something
dark and evil

When he wasn't
much older than you.

Really?

Indeed.

You see, you might not think
you know much about your father,

But you have more in common
with him than you realize.

[ dramatic music plays ]

[ door opens ]

I don't remember giving
permission for guests.

Meat pie -- just like
the spinsters used to
make when you were a boy.

Can't stay.

Have a lesson to teach.

But -- but we just finished
our lesson.

Not with you, dearie.
With regina.

You're still
training her?

Did you think
I was gonna stop?

But you don't need
regina.

I'm going to cast
your curse.

She's not nearly
as powerful as me.

She doesn't deserve
to have you as a teacher!
Careful, zelena!

What is it that your father
used to always tell you?

Huh?

Um, n-n-no matter
what you feel on the inside,

You have to put on
a good face.

Mm.

You might want to take
his advice.

Your insides
are starting to show.

You're turning green,
dearie.

[ gasps ]

Envy will do that to you.

Oh, and don't wait up.
This could take a while.

[ whoosh ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

Emma:
Have you seen regina?

If she doesn't get here
soon, that witch could
take it out on all of us.

Let's get everybody out of here
before that happens.

All right, listen up!

We need you
to get back to your homes.

Zelena:
No one's going anywhere.

[ crowd gasps ]

This show needs
an audience.

Out of my way,
munchkin.

I'm a dwarf.

That's even worse.

Where is she, hmm?

Don't tell me --
she's a coward.

Well, this isn't good...
For any of you.

If my sister's not here
in five minutes,

I'm going to let
the dark one off his leash.

Time's up.

Who do you want to kill first,
rumple?

He's not killing anyone.

If you want to fight someone,
zelena, fight me.

Sorry, dear.
I don't dance with amateurs.

I'm not an amateur.
I'm the savior.
Mm.

Appears someone's got
an inflated sense of self-worth.

[ whoosh ]
[ crowd gasps ]

Anybody else
want to give it a go?

Regina: I do.

[ crowd murmurs ]

Didn't anyone tell you?

Black is my color.

Zelena: [ chuckles ]

But it looks
so much better on me.

I was beginning to think
you weren't going to show up.

I couldn't let my sister off
that easily.

Oh.

So you've finally accepted me
into the family?

I've accepted
that we shared a mother, yes.

But I still have
one question.

What the hell
did I ever do to you?

Isn't it obvious?

You were born.

[ breathes deeply ]

I've been waiting to do that
all day.

Rumplestiltskin
can't save you this time.

[ gasps ]
don't make a sound.

Rumplestiltskin's wasting
his time with you.

You don't deserve him.

You don't deserve
any of this.

Our mother couldn't see it,
and neither can he.

[ chuckles lightly ]
[ grunts ]

But I'll show them
they're wrong.

[ gasps ]

[ whoosh ]

[ cackles ]
surprise, dearie!

As I've always said,

Jealousy drives people
to do...Crazy things.

You tricked me?

Consider it a test --
one you failed.

Yeah, but I was just trying to
make your decision easier

And show you
that I'm more powerful,

That I'm the one
that's going to cast your curse.

Well, I appreciate
your efforts, dearie,

But I'm afraid
you just disqualified yourself.

What? Why?

Because casting the curse
has a price.

A steep one.

You'll have to give up
the thing you love most.

I can do that.

Eh, that's the problem,
dearie.

The thing you love most...
Is me.

[ scoffs ]
you think I love you?

I'm a perceptive sort.

You're insane.
Besides the point.

Well, look, I-it's okay.
I have that effect on women.

You love me.

And that, dearie,
makes you too dangerous.

So, regina...

Has the job.

[ sighs ]

[ cackles ]

You might want to get that
checked out.

[ shudders ] you know what?
Forget the curse!

I'll find another way
to give you what you want.

Well, unless you can take me
to a land without magic,

I'm afraid
that's not possible.

I can.

I could have
taken you there.

How?

These slippers --
the wizard gave them to me.

And they can take you
anywhere you want to go.

Wizard, eh?

But it's too late.

Who -- who --
who says it's too late?

You chose her.

Perhaps I was hasty.

I am not naive.

There is only way you'll
ever get these slippers from me.

You'll have to kill me.

Well, if I must.

You shouldn't have taught me
all your tricks, rumple.

I'll see you again,
dearie.

And next time,
you will choose me.

[ heels clicking ]

[ whoosh ]

He should have
chosen me.

Who?
Rumplestiltskin.

That's
what this is about?

You're jealous of me?

[ electricity crackles ]

[ crowd gasps ]

You still don't realize
what you had.

You never did.

You got everything
I ever wanted,

And you didn't
even deserve it!

But I'm gonna
take it all from you!

[ whoosh ]

My miata.

[ grunts ]

[ whoosh ]

[ gasps ]
you can't beat me,
little sis.

Everything rumplestiltskin
taught you, he taught me, too.

[ exhales sharply ]

But I was
the better student.

[ whoosh ]

[ gasps ]

Zelena: Mnh-mnh.
[ whoosh ]

Well,
what are you waiting for?

Kill me.

I never said
I wanted to kill you.

I said
I wanted to destroy you,

And to do that,
I need your heart.

[ grunts ]

[ gasps ]

Where is it?!

Our mother taught me
one thing --

Never bring your heart
to a witch fight.

Something you'd know
if she hadn't...Abandoned you.

[ gasps ]
[ exhales sharply ]

You haven't won,
regina.

I willget your heart!

I will get
everything you ever had!

[ whoosh ]

Not today.

[ exhales sharply ]

Emma:
You all right?

I'm still alive,
aren't I?

Gold disappeared.
We thought that meant --

She defeated me?
Hardly.

You won?

As it turns out,
zelena wanted my heart.

It's a good thing
I wasn't stupid enough
to bring it with me.

Any idea
why she wants it?

Well,
she got your courage

And wants my heart.

Those are ingredients.

For what? A curse?

We're already in
storybrooke.

Mary margaret:
We've already lost our memories.

What else
could she do to us?

[ panting ]

Robin hood:
Did the plan work?

That depends.
Is it still here?

Right where
you left it.

[ sighs ]

[ sighs ]
well, then, it worked.

Regina:
I just needed to find the one
thing I had that zelena didn't.

And what exactly
was that?

My heartless mother.

My sister was right
about something.

She said I don't always
realize what I have
right in front of me.

[ grunts ]

What's that?

Just that I didn't
always appreciate things.

Would you mind holding on
to this for a bit longer?

You're really going to entrust
something so valuable

To a common thief
like me?

You can't steal something
that's been given to you.

You still me owe me
that drink.

Yes,
I suppose I do.

Maybe we can go out
on your boat again sometime.

Anytime, lad.

Emma: Hey.

How did the queen fare
against the witch?

But the rest is definitely more
than a doorway conversation.

Thanks for taking him.

There's more bae in your boy
than you realize.

He needs to know
about his father, emma.

You can't just take him back
to new york when this is over

And pretend like
none of this is real.

Thanks again.

[ door opens, closes ]

What? No meat pie?

[ whoosh ]
[ grunts ]

She's clever, rumple,
but so am I.

Regina's heart
is somewhere in this town,

And it's only a matter of time
before I find it.

Whatever twisted curse
you have planned,

It won't change
anything.

If I had to do it all again,
I'd still choose regina.

Would you, now?

Well, I suppose
we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm afraid
I don't understand.

We are doing it
all over again.

What I'm casting
isn't a curse.

[ chuckles ]

It's a second chance.

[ whoosh ]

I learned some tricks
while I was gone.

You showed me my past.

Now take me there --

To the moment
my mother abandoned me.

That's when
it all went wrong.

I need to go back
and change it.

You want to
travel back in time?

To change the past?

[ laughing ]

What's so funny?

I'm afraid
that's impossible.

I thought you were
the great and terrible oz.

Even my power has
its limits.

[ curtain rips ]

You're telling me.

[ whoosh ]

[ grunts ]

Oh! No!
Don't hurt me! Please!

Who are you?!

[ grunts ]

My -- my name is walsh.

I-I'm --
I'm just a circus huckster.

I'm a showman.

I-I come from a distant land --
a place called kansas.

It's all part of the act,
but what I peddle is real.

What you saw there
is real.

Those slippers took you to the
enchanted forest, didn't they?

I may not have magic,
but the things I collect do.

That's why you wanted me
to bring you something
of rumplestiltskin's.

So you could carry on
this charade.

I didn't mean any harm.
I was trying to help us both.

What you seek
doesn't exist.

No magic is that strong.

Well, then...

I have no use
for you.

At least not like that.

Like what?

What I need is someone

Who is willing to do
whatever I ask without question.

[ chuckles ]

Like
a trained circus animal.

You're evil.

Not evil, dear.

Wicked.

No.

No!
[ whoosh ]

[ chittering ]

[ laughs ]

Much better.

Now, come.

If I'm going to find a way
to change the past,

I've got work to do.

[ whoosh ]

Rumplestiltskin:
Well done, regina!

You've been practicing.

You're shaping up to be
the best pupil...I ever had.

We'll see about that.

When I'm done,
regina...

You'll have
never even been born.