On the Spectrum (2018): Season 1, Episode 2 - iRobot myRobot - full transcript

"On the Spectrum"

Episode 2:
"Come Here, Roomba"

Hi.

What are you doing here?
-I came to see you.

You can't just show up like this.

Why, is he home?
-No, he's at school.

So what's the problem?

You can't just come over
whenever you feel like it.

You don't take my calls.

I can't handle this.
-Handle what?

Your freak-outs. Okay?



Just drop it.
-"Just drop it"?

"Just drop it..."

Are you going to apologize
for yelling at me?

I didn't yell at you.

You were just being a jerk?

You ate his entire present.

It's okay, I brought him Patrick too.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

Have one.

How do you even know
about Spongebob?

From my sister.

You have a little sister?

Yeah, I'm... the eldest.

What's her name?

Zohar.



Wow.

Yeah.

What a pretty name.

I chose it.

You don't say.

Really?
-Yeah,

when I was little my parents
told me to choose a name for her

and there was this girl
I really liked...

named Zohar.

She was so pretty.

Yeah?

Is Zohar pretty, too?
-My Zohar?

Sure. Very.

So you don't look alike?

Shut up.

Nervous?

Yes.

Reut, I have a date with a guy today.

Really? -Yes.
-Nice.

Who is he?
-I don't know. It's a blind date.

Oh. He doesn't know you?
-No.

Make sure you dress nicely.

Okay.
-Come here a sec.

Show lots of cleavage.

Anna...
-What? She has great boobs.

Okay, fine.

Okay...

Show lots of cleavage...

Will he give me a flower?

Honey,
if you're lucky he'll pay for you.

Guys suck.

Then I can order whatever I want.

Hi. What's up?

Great.

Come here, Zohar,
I want to talk to you.

I'm busy.
-Never mind.

What?

Yaeli tells me you have a date.

Yes, I have a date.

We'll go to a movie
and first we'll eat something

and he'll put his arm around me
romantically.

That's only in the movies, Zohar.
Call it off.

I won't call it off.
Don't tell me what to do.

Call it off or I will, you hear?

Yaeli, tell her

she can't see him
without my permission.

Why'd you tell him?!

No. I have the right to date.

Do you even know this guy?

There you go.
-That's how you meet people, Asher,

you go on dates.

No, it's not.
-Yes, it is.

Not you! -Yes!
-Gimme that.

Hello?

She has two housemates
if she wants a boyfriend. -Stop it!

He won't let me go out
with a normal guy.

Because you can't,
don't you get it?

One day I'll go out
without telling you.

You're not going out
with a stranger,

not today, not ever.

Yes I will.
-You're still my responsibility.

Stop it!
-Yaeli, with all due respect,

you don't have the authority
to do this. -Stop it!

It's not fair!

First you took Alex away,
then my cell phone,

so at least let me meet one guy.

Are you crazy?

Is the fact that she isn't normal
an insignificant detail?

Hello?

Is this Apartment 2?

Who's this?

Your neighbor from the fourth floor.

Something for you was delivered here
accidentally.

What is it?

I don't know. A package.

It's the Roomba, it's mine.
Bring it to me.

I know it's yours,
so come and get it.

Bring it to me.

If you want it, it's here.

But it was supposed to come here.

If you want it, come and get it.

But it's a human error,
it was supposed to come here.

Then come get it.
The door's open.

No! If the door's open
someone might go in

and steal my Roomba.

Hello?

Yaeli, can you come over
and go to the neighbor's apartment?

Ron, I'm busy.
I'll call you back.

My Roomba was accidentally
delivered to the neighbor's.

Can you come get it?

Ask Amit or Zohar to get it.
-But I'm alone here!

Ron, take a deep breath
and calm down.

When will you finish?

I'm at school. I'll call back.

Yes, it's here.

You can come in.

You're really fat.

You don't say.

It isn't contagious,
you can come in.

I know that fat isn't contagious,
I'm not stupid.

I didn't say you were stupid.

You assumed I think
that fat is contagious.

I think you need to eat less.

Your Roomba is here.

Do you recommend the Roomba?

It's an excellent product,
it saves time and energy.

Good to know.

What are you watching?

A show about Alaska.

Alaska?
-Yeah.

Why are you so fat?
Can't you see it's disgusting?

If I could get up and look
in the mirror, I'd see.

My boss said that
when I move into my own apartment,

he'll...

let me keep working there.
That makes me happy.

According to my calculations
I'll be moving on February 4th.

So I might be moving
into your apartment.

Good.

Excuse me, where's the waitress
with the yellow streak in her hair?

Her name is Lior.

She has a name.

Sorry, I forgot.

When will she get here?

At 16:00.
Can't you leave her alone?

I just want to ask her
to work on Friday

so my dad can meet her.

Nice.
Getting the folks involved already?

What?

Kidding. Erez, explain it to him.

This table is faulty.

What's wrong with the table?

It's wobbly.

What's with you?

I thought you were going
to pinch me.

Why would I do such a thing?

Did I harass you?

No.
-When is she coming?

I said 16:00, right?
-Right.

Now you'll ask me
every five minutes?

Yes.
-And that'll make 16:00 come sooner?

16:00 is 16:00.

Drink your juice.

It isn't wobbly.

Erez, look.

What's with you two?

Look.

Be quiet, you're bothering everyone.

But the dog's funny.

Please,

you're making too much noise.

But it's funny.
-What's so funny?

That dog has a big weenie.

Look what it's doing!

Look...

What's with you?

Can you stay until Lior gets here?

Shh, you're bothering everyone.

I want Lior to meet the dog.

When is she coming?
-You're driving me nuts,

cut it out.

Do me a favor,

Go and come back later, okay?

Come with me.

But I didn't do anything,

I'm not waiting for Lior,
I didn't do anything.

Who's talking to you?
Did I ask you to leave?

Erez, I'm not kidding,

Please leave and come back later.
Let's go.

Let's go.

I didn't bother you, did I?
-No.

I'm sorry.

But where should i go?

Don't ask me,
I'm not your babysitter.

Go to Playland.

Come. Come.

Ron? -What?

What happened to the living room?

I moved the couch because
a very fat lady lives above us

and I'm afraid she'll fall through
the ceiling and cause irreparable damage.

Is she alive?
-Who? -The neighbor.

Yes, I told you,
I'm afraid she'll fall.

If she falls, will she die?

There's a dog here.
-Oh, yeah. That's my dog.

No animals allowed in the apartment.

But you got a Roomba.
-That's a device, not an animal.

But it moves.

What's the dog's name?

Dog.

Dog, don't touch the Roomba.

Sit, Dog, sit.

I trained it.
-Right.

I'm a dog trainer.
-Lie down, Dog.

He's already lying down.

But don't touch the Roomba.

Now he's trained
not to touch it.

See?

Where'd the dog come from?

He's mine, I adopted him.

He's trained.
I just trained him.

Where'd you get him from?
-I found him on the street.

Here, boy.
-You found him om the street?

He belongs to someone.
-To who?

How should I know?

If you found him on the street...

Here, Dog. Here.

Where's Zohar?

She came and left.
She said she hates you.

Here, Dog. Here.

I want to show him to Lior.

Maybe his weenie will turn red.

Don't say that,
He'll turn out homosexual.

He's a purebred.
-How do you know?

I know about purebreds.
My dad has five Siberian cats.

Each costs a thousand shekels.

Here, Dog.

Hey, the Roomba is chasing me!

It isn't chasing you. it's cleaning.

See?
It cleans floors, parquet, rugs.

But we don't have a rug.

So we'll buy one.

Oh.

C'mon, boy.

Zohar.

Zohar, wait up.

Zohar.

C'mon, Zohar.
-Leave me alone!

Zohar!

My iPhone.
-Yes.

You're giving it back?

Take it on your date.
I want to be able to reach you.

Thank you, Asher.

It's never on silent.

And the battery's fully charged.

But Asher, they tell all viewers
to put their phones on silent.

Zohar...

it also has a GPS
for emergencies

so I'll know where you are, okay?

Thank you, Asher.

So what's his name?

I don't know, Asher.
It's your dog.

It's not my dog,

your retard housemate stole it.

He isn't a retard.
-Fine.

What's the guy's name?
-Ronen. -Ronen what?

Ronen Love Match.

Love Match is the name
of the website. -Oh.

Tell him to meet you at Benjy's,
next to the movie theater.

Okay.

I'll text you the address.
-Okay, Asher.

Text me when you get there, okay?
-Okay.

And Zohar, stop texting Alex,

don't make me take it back.

Okay, Asher.
Now I'll have Ronen to text.

What are you watching?

A program about Alaska.
Can't you see for yourself?

It has snow, it has ice,
it has Alaskan animals,

sea lions, polar bears,

and stop asking me
what I'm watching.

Be nice, but not too nice.

Don't go up to his place,

he can come up to my place.

Ask personal questions,

but not too personal.

Show a lot of cleavage,
great boobs.

Be nice.

Ask personal questions,
but not too personal.

Don't go up to his place,
he can come up to my place.

Don't order too much food
on his tab.

Be nice.

Be nice.

I have a date with
a romantic guy.

You don't know that he's romantic.
You don't even know him.

His profile says he's romantic.

Anyone can write
that they're romantic.

If I write that I'm romantic

does that mean I'm romantic?

He's romantic!

He's a liar.

You don't even know him!

You don't even know him.
It's a blind date.

What's a blind date?
-Blind, like, he never saw her.

Is he blind?

He isn't blind! He's romantic!

We're going to a cafe!
And a movie!

There are dogs
that help blind people see.

He isn't blind!

Can you bring me some popcorn?

You don't get popcorn
from the movie theater.

You can heat it in the microwave.

That's from the store,
not the theater.

Is Lior at the cafe yet?

I'm sick of people asking questions
and phoning me!

I don't want to talk to anyone today,
get it?!

Zohar?
-What?

Are you Zohar?

Yes.

Nice to meet you. Ronen.
-Nice to meet you.

I'm supposed to do that.

Oops, I got lipstick on you.
-Never mind.

Nice place.
-Do you want wine, coffee or juice?

I don't have a menu yet.

Yes.

And popcorn, too.

At the movies we'll eat popcorn
and Coke.

Or juice.

I love juice.

Hey. Want to order?

I'll have tea and cake, please.

What kind of cake?
-Cheesecake.

I love cheesecake. Do you?

We can order two.

No. I'll just have...

a short espresso.

So what do you do?

I work at a hauling company.

Wow. -Yeah.
-That sounds fascinating.

Yeah. -Totally.
-Totally.

I...

have to go to the bathroom, okay?
-Okay. -Cool.

Excuse me.
-Hi, Amit.

Gimme a break, Amit,
it's been a long day.

Look what I brought.

What is it?

The Roomba will clean
instead of you.

How sweet.
It's okay, I'll manage.

But I want to talk to you.
-Amit.

Amit, we want to close up
and go home.

Amit.

What did you want to tell me?

I had a dog.

Had?

What happened to it?

He went home.

Oh, he wasn't yours?
-No.

But I wanted him to be mine.

I see.

I have to close now.
Why don't you go home, Amit?

I'd go home if I could.

Will you work on Friday?

No, but I'll come here
and visit you, okay? -Yes.

And I'll introduce you
to my father. -Cool.

And I'll introduce you
to my boyfriend.

Your boyfriend, whom you love?

Yes.

See you Friday?
-Yeah, see you Friday.

And thanks for bringing the Roomba.

You're welcome.

Bye, Amit.
-Bye.

Hello?

How's it going?
-Fine.

Aren't you supposed to be
at the movies?

Yes. I'm not at the movies.

Why not?

I don't know.

You don't know?
Where are you?

At Benjy's Cafe.

Oh, you went to a cafe?
Is he nice?

Yes...

Yes.

We didn't get to talk much

because he went
to the bathroom,

but he works for a hauling company.

But...

When did he go to
the bathroom?

I don't remember,

but his coffee got cold
so I ordered him another.

When did he go, Zohar?

Earlier.

Fucking jerk...

Actually, he was really nice.
Is this still considered a date?

What was that asshole's name?

Ronen.

Motherfucker...
-So it's considered a date?

Yes. yes.
Do you have his phone number?

Yes, but he isn't answering.
-Gimme the number.

Hey! You kept him!
-No, I'm looking for his owner.