Oddities (2010–…): Season 5, Episode 9 - Don't Get Testis - full transcript

At Obscura Antiques & Oddities a pro wrestler gets the shock of his life and Ryan brokers a deal with a competitor to get a vintage hair removal apparatus. Later, Mike & Evan go nuts hunting for the ultimate symbol of masculinity to please a customer.

WELCOME TO THE WEIRD WORLD
OF "ODDITIES."

I'M LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
GROSS OR SHOCKING.

I BROUGHT SOMETHING
THAT I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU.

OH, SURE.
SURE.

HUH. WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT I WANNA DO IS BALANCE
THESE SWORDS ON MY HEAD

WHILE I'M BALANCING ON SOMETHING
ELSE, JUGGLING THE EGGS.

OKAY.

HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?

NO, NEVER.

OBSCURA AIN'T YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S ANTIQUE SHOP.



WHOA!

WELL, UNLESS YOUR GRANDMOM'S
A BIT OF A KOOK.

IS THAT A STRAITJACKET?

I'M MIKE.

AND I'M EVAN.

WE'VE SPENT OUR ENTIRE LIVES... COLLECTING
AND DEALING... HUNTING AND PICKING...

TO GET THIS BUSINESS...
DOWN TO A SCIENCE.

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

I ALSO GOT, LIKE, 20 RéSUMéS... MM-HMM.
BECAUSE I PUT UP AN AD

FOR A PERSONAL ASSISTANT.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE...

HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, HOW YA DOING?

ANY QUESTIONS,
FEEL FREE TO ASK.

ACTUALLY, I BROUGHT SOMETHING IN I
THINK YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN.



OKAY.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

I WAS DOING A STAKEOUT ONE MORNING IN
QUEENS, AND THERE'S THIS PILE OF GARBAGE...

IT MUST HAVE BEEN GARBAGE DAY.

AND THIS WAS SITTIN'
RIGHT NEXT TO THE BAG.

I'M A LICENSED
PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

IT'S INTERESTING. YOU RUN INTO
A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE.

I LIKE HIDING IN THE BACK
OF MY VAN, SPYING ON PEOPLE.

TAKE A LOOK AT IT?
OKAY.

OH, OKAY.
OH, OKAY.

THIS IS KNOWN
AS A CARBON ARC LAMP.

OH, OKAY.

THESE WERE USED
FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES.

SORT OF QUACK MEDICAL,
ALTHOUGH NOT ENTIRELY. YEAH.

THEY WOULD ACTUALLY BE SOLD TO PEOPLE TO
USE IN THEIR HOMES FOR LIGHT THERAPY,

IF YOU HAVE CERTAIN
SKIN CONDITIONS LIKE PSORIASIS.

THIS PUTS OUT A VERY WIDE SPECTRUM OF
LIGHT THAT'S SORT OF LIKE SUNLIGHT.

AND IT'S THE SAME TYPE
OF PROCESS THAT'S USED

IN THE TANNING BEDS
THAT WE HAVE TODAY.

IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT TYPE
OF LIGHT NOW.

I'D LIKE TO PLUG IT IN FOR YOU,
IF YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE A LOOK.

UM, IF YOU WANNA FIRE IT UP
FOR A TINY BIT, I GUESS.

HERE, TAKE THIS.

ALL RIGHT.
FIRE IT UP.

OH, YEAH.
AW, YEAH.

AH, JEEZ.

YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE SMOKE
AND STUFF COMING OUT OF IT.

YEAH, AND YOU SMELL IT,
TOO, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH, TOTALLY.

LOOK AT THIS THING.
OH, THIS IS NUTS, MAN.

YEAH.

WE'RE READY FOR LIFTOFF,
I THINK.

I CAN FEEL
THE HEAT FROM IT, TOO.

YEAH.

YEAH, THERE'S A TON OF HEAT
COMING FROM THAT.

YOU DEFINITELY WOULD NOT WANNA
TOUCH THIS METAL.

WELL, MAYBE BEFORE WE SET OFF MY SMOKE
ALARMS, WE MIGHT WANNA UNPLUG THAT THING.

OH, OKAY.

THAT IS CRAZY.

THE FACT THAT YOU'D USE
THIS IN YOUR HOME... YEAH.

THEY USED TO USE THIS
ON BABIES.

THEY'D SAY, "OH,
SO YOU GET YOUR BABY OUTSIDE."

AND THEN THESE LITTLE
TINY GOGGLES.

AND THERE'S ILLUSTRATIONS IN THE
BOOK OF A-A MOTHER, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

HOLDING THIS BABY
IN FRONT OF THIS LAMP.

YOU'RE LIKE,
"WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?"

HOW MUCH YOU ASKING FOR IT?

40, 50 BUCKS, BUT...
I-I... RIGHT.

IS IT WORTH MORE THAN THAT? OR...
UH, UNFORTUNATELY NOT.

YOU KNOW, HOW IT IS NOW,
I'D SAY PROBABLY 25.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I'LL TAKE THE 25 BUCKS.

COOL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, HOW YA DOING?

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

JUST ASK IF YOU HAVE
ANY QUESTIONS.

I'M A LITTLE MESMERIZED BY THE
COLLECTION OF TAXIDERMY YOU HAVE.

WELL, THANK YOU.
A LOT OF THINGS LOOKIN' AT YA.

YEAH.

WELL, I HAVE A COLLECTION
AT HOME AS WELL.

OH.
OH, REALLY?

WHAT KIND OF STUFF
DO YOU COLLECT?

I HAVE A LOT OF BIRDS.
UH...

A MONKEY.

LOVE... LOVE THE MONKEYS.

I HAVE A FAMILY OF OTTERS.

THEY'RE IN A... IN A, UH...

UH... CASE.

OH, VERY NICE.
WOW.

ANTIQUES IS A PASSION FOR ME.

I HAVE AN OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE,
AND I REALLY WANT IT TO BE

UH, MY OWN
LITTLE PERSONAL MUSEUM.

I'M ACTUALLY CREATING A MUSICAL
ROOM, WHICH I'M QUITE HAPPY ABOUT.

SO WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO THE SHOP TODAY?

WELL, I... ACTUALLY, I BROUGHT SOMETHING
HERE THAT I'D LOVE TO SHOW YOU.

OH, SURE.
SURE.

ONE OF MY PRIZED PIECES.

I WAS TRAVELING TO LONDON, AND I
GRABBED IT, AND IT WAS SHIPPED TO ME.

BUT MUCH TO MY SURPRISE
WHEN I GOT IT,

IT WASN'T IN THE SHAPE
THAT I EXPECTED IT IN.

HUH. WHAT IS THAT?

CAN'T QUITE MAKE IT OUT.

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

OHH.
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

I MEAN, THE VICTORIANS REALLY
MADE INCREDIBLE DOLLS.

ALTHOUGH,
I CAN SEE THE PROBLEM.

YOU GOT A BUSTED WING THERE.

YEAH.

HER HEAD SEEMS TO BE
AT A WEIRD ANGLE.

WELL, IT'S BECAUSE THIS IS NOT
JUST AN ORDINARY DOLL.

THIS IS AN AUTOMATON.

OH, THAT IS GORGEOUS.

AUTOMATONS ARE SELF-OPERATING
FIGURINES THAT CAN PERFORM

A VARIETY OF MOVEMENTS,
SUCH AS DANCING,

PLAY AN INSTRUMENT,
OR EVEN WRITING POETRY.

ORIGINALLY, THESE WERE DEVELOPED BY
CLOCKMAKERS TO SHOW OFF THEIR CRAFT,

AND THEY WERE QUITE EXPENSIVE.

COLLECTED BY THE WEALTHY
TO ENTERTAIN THEIR GUESTS,

THESE ARE NOW SOME OF THE MOST SOUGHT-AFTER
VICTORIAN COLLECTIBLES OUT THERE.

DOES IT WORK MECHANICALLY, STILL, OR...
WELL, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHY I'M HERE.

IN HOPES THAT SINCE YOU SEEM TO HAVE
THE MOST OBSCURE... THINGS AROUND,

YOU MIGHT FIND THAT OBSCURE
PERSON FOR ME WHO CAN FIX THIS.

WE'VE ACTUALLY HAD AUTOMATONS
REPAIRED IN THE PAST.

BUT IF IT'S SOMETHING VERY MECHANICAL,
IF THE GEARS HAVE TO BE FABRICATED,

YOU'RE TALKING THOUSANDS.

OKAY. I'M NOT SURPRISED.

LIKE, WHAT KIND OF BUDGET
YOU THINKING ABOUT HERE?

WELL, I HAD IT INSURED, SO I HAVE
A FAIR AMOUNT OF MONEY. RIGHT.

SO WHATEVER IT TAKES,
I'M GONNA DO IT.

OKAY.

WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT,
AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OKAY, THANK YOU.

YEAH, WE'LL TAKE
GOOD CARE OF HER.

HE WAS WEARING A DIAPER THAT,
I THINK, THEY PROVIDED.

OH. SOMETHING TO THAT... I
WAS IN THE FLEA MARKET,

AND THEY HAD ALL THESE ADULT DIAPERS...
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, MAN? HOW YA DOING?

I REMEMBER YOU.

YOU'RE THE, UH,
THE CHAIN SAW DUDE.

YEAH.

THIS IS THE GUY THAT CHASED US
WITH CHAIN SAWS THAT DAY, RIGHT?

IT WAS GOOD FUN.

NO, IT'S YOUR EYES.

YOU GOT THIS, LIKE...
RIGHT.

SORT OF LOOK IN YOUR EYES
WHEN YOU... THERE IT IS.

MY NAME IS DEXTRE TRIPP.

I PERFORM ROPEWALKING, BALANCING, AND
AMAZINGLY DANGEROUS, STUPID STUNTS.

I DID MEET THE GUYS, UH, LAST
YEAR, WHEN I JUGGLED A CHAIN SAW.

THEY NEARLY RAN
OUT OF THE BUILDING.

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FUN AND EXCITING
THAT I CAN ADD TO A BALANCING ACT.

HAVE A LOOK.
YEAH, YEAH.

THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF.
OH, THESE ARE FUN.

THIS IS, LIKE, FROM THE OLD
CARNIVAL GAMES, RIGHT?

YEAH, EXACTLY.
RIGHT.

YEAH. AND I THINK MAYBE
I COULD BALANCE ON THESE.

WHAT ELSE DO WE HAVE THAT HE CAN MAYBE
JUGGLE OR... WHAT ABOUT THOSE EGGS?

THAT MIGHT WORK.

.THAT COULD POSSIBLY WORK
YOU GOT EGGS?

BIG EGGS.
OH, HOLD ON A SEC.

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

I CAN GRAB THEM
AND SHOW THEM TO YOU.

THESE ARE, UH,
OSTRICH EGGS.

EXCELLENT.

IF YOU GET AHOLD OF THEM THERE...
UH-HUH.

THEY'RE QUITE HEAVY.

THEY'RE REALLY HEAVY.

THESE ONES, OF COURSE,
HAVE BEEN DRILLED OUT

SO THE CONTENTS
FROM THE INSIDE ARE GONE.

LIKE, IF THIS DIDN'T HAVE THE PUNCTURED
HOLE, MM-HMM. YOU COULD STAND ON THIS

AND IT WOULDN'T BREAK.

AT THIS POINT, THOUGH, IF YOU WERE TO...
YOU KNOW, THEY WOULD BREAK. RIGHT.

THESE ARE EXCELLENT, BUT I THINK THERE
MIGHT BE ONE MORE THING I WANNA ADD.

LOOKING AT THESE SWORDS
OVER HERE...

OKAY.
I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA.

I THINK THIS IS GONNA
WORK OUT REALLY WELL.

OKAY?

LET ME SHOW YA. UH... THIS
IS WHAT I GOT IN MIND.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. WELL...
YEAH, YEAH, THIS WILL BE GREAT.

WHAT I WANNA DO IS BALANCE THEM
ON MY HEAD LIKE THIS..

WHILE I'M BALANCING ON SOMETHING
ELSE, JUGGLING THE EGGS.

RIGHT HERE.

SHOULD I MOVE SOME STUFF
OUT OF THE WAY OR SOMETHING?

NO, THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE.

JUST BE CAREFUL, MAN.
I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.

I AM A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING.

AND I JUST THINK YOU SHOULDN'T
TRY IT AT HOME.

YOU HOLD BOTH CORNERS THERE.

WE'RE GONNA SET
THE MILK BOTTLES UP.

I'LL PUT THE OTHER BOARD ON TOP.

YEAH, AND WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
GO WRONG WITH THIS? I MEAN...

HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?
NO, NEVER.

THIS SHOULD BE FUN.

YOU GUYS READY?

YEAH.
OKAY.

OKAY, YOU GOT IT?
OKAY.

OKAY.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TAKE...
TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY, PLEASE.

STAND UP STRAIGHT.
OKAY.

STAND UP STRAIGHT.
AND... THERE YOU GO.

OH, THIS IS NUTS.

IF I COULD HAVE
THE SWORDS FIRST.

OKAY.
WE'RE READY FOR EGGS.

THERE'S TWO
AND THERE'S THREE.

OKAY. ARE WE READY?

I GOTTA GET BACK.
STAND BACK, BUDDY.

HEY!

- OH.

YEAH, THIS WORKSHOP'S GREAT.

IS IT EVER A LITTLE CREEPY
WITH THINGS LOOKING AT YA?

YES, THEY WERE LOOKING
AT ME.

I'M LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
SHOCKING, LIKE POOP.

HOW ABOUT PIG BILE EXTRACT?

IS THAT WEIRD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
NO.

THIS IS " ODDITIES."

OKAY.
I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA.

WHAT I WANNA DO IS BALANCE
THESE SWORDS ON MY HEAD

WHILE I'M BALANCING ON SOMETHING
ELSE, JUGGLING THE EGGS.

OKAY.

I AM A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING.

YOU SHOULDN'T TRY IT AT HOME.

OKAY, ARE WE READY?

I GOTTA GET BACK.
STAND BACK, BUDDY.

OH, MAN.
CATCH!

YOU GOT IT?

THAT IS INSANE.

THAT'S NUTS.

THAT... THAT WAS AMAZING!

AND NOTHING BROKEN,
WHICH IS EVEN BETTER.

DIDN'T EVEN BUMP THE LIGHTS.

I'LL DEFINITELY TAKE
THE BOTTLES AND THE EGGS.

SO TOGETHER,
WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?

UM, HOW'S, LIKE, 2 EVEN?

THAT WORKS WITH YOUR BUDGET?

2 WE CAN DO. YEAH.
2's GREAT.

GOT A DEAL?
IT'LL WORK?

THANKS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YEAH, YOU'VE GOT
A DEAL, MAN.

¶ DO DO-DO LOOK AT THIS. YEAH.

RECENTLY,
A CUSTOMER CAME TO THE SHOP

WITH AN ANTIQUE AUTOMATON
THAT HE NEEDED REPAIRED.

WE NORMALLY DO OUR OWN RESTORATIONS, BUT
THIS PIECE WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO COMPLEX,

SO WE'RE BRINGING IT TO SOMEONE WHO WE
HOPE CAN GET THIS LADY MOVING AGAIN.

HI, HOW ARE YA?
COME ON IN.

HEY, LOU.
I'M GOOD, HOW YA DOING?

OH.

THAT'S REALLY COOL.
WOW.

WOW.
THAT'S AMAZING.

YEAH, THIS WORKSHOP'S GREAT.

IS IT EVER A LITTLE CREEPY WITH THINGS
MOVING AND THINGS LOOKIN' AT YA?

I-I DID WORK ON
SOME FIGURES YEARS AGO.

THEN I HAD TO COVER THEM AT NIGHT
BECAUSE THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME.

YEAH.
THE EYES FOLLOW YOU.

MY NAME IS LOU NASTI.

I BUILD ALL TYPES OF ANIMATION.

ANYTHING THAT I CAN MAKE MOVE,
I MAKE MOVE.

THE LARGEST PIECE I MADE
WAS A 30-FOOT ANIMATED CLOWN.

AND THE SMALLEST PIECE I MADE WAS
A LITTLE, TINY ANIMATED MOUSE.

SMALL PARTS, SMALL MOUSE.
BIG PARTS, BIG CLOWN.

LET ME SHOW YOU A COUPLE PIECES
I'M WORKING ON NOW.

OH, YEAH.
LOOK AT THOSE.

THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

THEY'RE OLD FASHIONED, AND
THEY TOOK A LONG TIME TO MAKE.

AND THERE'S A LOT
OF INTERESTING PARTS INSIDE.

BUT EVERY SINGLE PIECE
IS HANDMADE.

IT'S AMAZING.

NORMALLY, I GUESS THIS WOULD HAVE
A SKIRT AROUND IT OR A FABRIC.

BUT I KIND OF LIKE IT OPEN,
JUST SHOWING ALL THE...

ALL THE GEARS,
ALL THE... THE CAMS.

THAT'S PRETTY NEAT STUFF.

SO TELL ME... WHAT DID
YOU BRING ME TO LOOK AT?

WELL, A CUSTOMER CAME TO US
WITH THIS PIECE.

HE PURCHASED IT RECENTLY
OVER IN EUROPE,

HAD IT SHIPPED OVER,
AND IT ARRIVED DAMAGED.

ALL RIGHT.

I REALIZE THIS IS A LITTLE OLDER
THAN WHAT YOU NORMALLY DEAL WITH.

IT'S PROBABLY
OVER 100 YEARS OLD, FOR SURE.

LOOKING AT, UH...

SOME OF THE LINKAGE... IT'S ALL ON
RODS AND PROBABLY WORKING OFF OF CAMS.

SO IS THIS SOMETHING
YOU THINK YOU COULD REPAIR?

I DON'T SEE A PROBLEM
REPAIRING IT.

IT... MY ONLY CONCERN
IS YOUR TIMING.

AT THIS POINT,
I HAVE QUITE A FEW DEADLINES.

PROBABLY... TWO, THREE MONTHS
BEFORE I CAN REPAIR IT.

YEAH.

YEAH, I KIND OF DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA
WORK WITH OUR TIME FRAME, UNFORTUNATELY.

YEAH, HE WAS A LITTLE ANXIOUS
TO GET IT WORKING AGAIN.

UH, LET ME... I HAVE A FRIEND OF
MINE THAT MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP.

HERE'S HIS NUMBER.

OH, VERY GOOD. SURE.

MAYBE HE CAN JUMP IN HERE
AND HELP ME OUT.

OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WOW! INCREDIBLE!
THIS IS NUTS.

IT WASN'T EASY TO FIND SOMEONE
TO REPAIR THIS PIECE.

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

RECENTLY, A CUSTOMER
CAME INTO THE SHOP

LOOKING TO GET
HIS PRIZED AUTOMATON REPAIRED.

WE WENT TO OUR GO-TO MACHINIST
PAL, LOU, WHO, UNFORTUNATELY,

WAS ALL BOOKED UP, BUT DID
REFER US TO A COLLEAGUE OF HIS.

HOPEFULLY, THIS GUY COULD HELP US OUT
'CAUSE WE DO NOT HAVE THE EXPERTISE

TO FIX IT OURSELVES.

OH, HELLO, J.

HELLO.
HOW YA DOING?

HOW YA DOING?
HI!

OH, MY GOD.

MY WORKSHOP.

MAN, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
OHH!

OH, GOSH!

HOLY COW.

WOW.
OH, OH!

THIS IS AMAZING.
UH, I'M... I'M STUNNED.

UH, SO THESE ARE LIKE FOR... THESE
ARE CUSTOMER'S PIECES? OR...

UM, A COMBINATION. SOME OF OUR... OUR OWN,
AS WELL AS OTHER CLIENTS AND CUSTOMERS.

REALLY?

I'M FINDING IT DIFFICULT
TO LOOK AT YOU.

THIS STUFF IS SO DISTRACTING.

THAT'S OKAY.

I LOVE WORKING ON AUTOMATA.

YOU'RE LISTENING
TO THESE OBJECTS PERFORM

EXACTLY THE WAY THEY WERE ORIGINALLY INTENDED
TO BY THE MAKERS 100-PLUS YEARS AGO.

I DON'T THINK YOU'LL SEE ANYBODY
ELSE DOING THE SAME THING

WITH AUTOMATA
THAT I'M DOING HERE.

MAYBE IN EUROPE YOU DO.

SHALL WE UNPACK 'EM?

YEAH.
WE SHALL.

LET'S TURN HER AROUND.

OH, YEAH.

UM, LET JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THE... THE
BOTTOM OF THIS, JUST FOR A SECOND.

AND THE DRAWERS ARE MEANT
FOR LITTLE BONBONS.

LITTLE
CHILDREN'S CHOCOLATES.

OH, REALLY?
YEP.

NO KIDDING.
WORLD'S FANCIEST CANDY BOX.

YEAH.
YEAH.

THAT'S A LUCKY KID.
WHAT DO WE HAVE IN HERE?

YEAH, IT LOOKS IN DIRE NEED
OF SOME REPAIR WORK.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOT
AT LEAST FIVE ANIMATIONS.

FOR THIS STYLE OF PIECE,
USUALLY THERE ARE ONLY ABOUT

THREE ANIMATIONS, NORMALLY.
MM-HMM.

RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, I'VE GOT A
PIECE THAT'S EVEN MORE COMPLICATED. OH.

REALLY?
SURE.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PIECE.

OH.
THAT IS AMAZING.

IT'S A FLUTE PLAYER.

OH, WOW.
OH.

THIS PARTICULAR ONE
HAS 12 DIFFERENT CAMS.

OH, SO HE'S MUCH MORE COMPLEX
THAN SHE IS.

SO IT'S MUCH MORE
COMPLICATED.

THAT IS INSANE.

THIS IS ALL BURIED WITHIN
THE PAPIER-MâCHé BODY.

OH.

OH, MY!

HIS FINGERS MOVE!
THE LITTLE FINGERS ARE ANIMATED.

OH.
THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

WHEN YOU REALLY SEE THE MECHANICS OF
IT, LIKE, HOW THEY FIGURED THAT OUT...

IT IS... IT'S AMAZING.
YEAH.

AND THEN THE CLICKY NOISES,
JUST BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH.

WE'RE DEFINITELY
IN THE RIGHT PLACE

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOUR WAY
AROUND AN OLD AUTOMATON.

UM, DO YOU THINK THAT'S
SOMETHING YOU COULD FIX?

DO YOU HAVE THE TIME?

UM... UM, YEAH, WELL...
ABSOLUTELY.

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK, ESTIMATE-WISE,
IT WOULD BE TO HAVE THIS THING FIXED?

UM, A GUT FEELING RIGHT NOW WOULD SAY
RIGHT BETWEEN $2,000 AND $2,500.

WE WANT IT DONE RIGHT, SO...
OKAY.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GREAT, WELL.
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

VERY NICE MEETING YOU GUYS,
YOU KNOW.

I STILL WANT THAT DEVIL.

HELLO.
HI.

THAT'S A VERY COLORFUL OUTFIT
YOU ARE WEARING.

YEAH, THANK YOU.

I HAVEN'T SEEN, UH, HAVEN'T
SEEN THAT LOOK FOR A WHILE.

OR EVER.

THIS IS AMAZING.

UM, ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

I'M LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
GROSS OR SHOCKING.

GROSS OR SHOCKING?

YES.

UM, WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND
GROSS AND SHOCKING?

I DON'T KNOW.
THROW-UP, POOP.

HOW ABOUT, UH,
PIG BILE EXTRACT?

IS THAT GROSS ENOUGH
FOR YA?

NO. ANYTHING ELSE?

MY NAME IS VENUS PAIN.

I'M A BODY PIERCER
AND I ALSO DO PERFORMANCE ART.

UH, I USE BRAINS, BLOOD, FEATHERS,
GLITTER, STRAITJACKETS.

AND I'M A FULL-TIME MOM.

WHAT ARE THESE?

OH.

YOU FOUND
OUR VAGINAL WOOL TAMPONS.

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

UM, ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

I'M LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
GROSS OR SHOCKING.

WHAT ARE THESE?

YOU FOUND
OUR VAGINAL WOOL TAMPONS.

AND THESE ARE ACTUALLY
QUITE RARE

BECAUSE THEY'RE SOME OF
THE EARLIEST FORMS OF TAMPONS.

MM.

UM, THE MODERN TAMPON WAS INVENTED
ONLY IN THE LATE '20s, MID '30s.

THEY'RE LIKE TABLETS.

THEY'RE HUGE.

MY BRAIN IS... IS WORKING.

IF IT'S WOOL,
IT'S... IT'S GONNA,

PROBABLY, IF I SOAK IT, MAYBE,
WITH WATER OR FAKE BLOOD,

IT WILL PROBABLY... AND I TWIST IT... I
CAN PROBABLY TWIST IT INSIDE THE NOSE.

I GUESS THAT COULD
PROBABLY WORK.

THE WORD TAMPON, HISTORICALLY,
REFERS TO ANY MASS OF FIBERS

USED TO ABSORB BODILY FLUIDS.

AS EARLY AS THE 18th CENTURY,
TAMPONS WERE BEING USED

TO ABSORB THE BLOOD
FROM BULLET WOUNDS IN SOLDIERS.

IT WASN'T UNTIL ABOUT
THE EARLY 20th CENTURY

THAT THESE WERE MASS-PRODUCED
SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN.

ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN THESE, THEN?

YES, WHAT'S THE DAMAGE?

I CAN DO 75 ON 'EM.

EXCELLENT. I LOVE IT.

GOT A DEAL.
WHOO-HOO!

LET'S GO PUT THESE GUYS
IN A BAG.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

A CUSTOMER OF OURS, EDWIN,
SENT US ON A MISSION

TO GET HIS ORNATE AUTOMATON
BEAUTY IN WORKING ORDER.

LUCKILY FOR US, WE RAN ACROSS
THE BEST IN THE BIZ.

AND NOW WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO EDWIN'S
BEAUTIFUL VICTORIAN MANSION TO DROP IT OFF.

HEY!
WELL, HELLO!

HOW YA DOING?
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

EDWIN, GOOD TO SEE YA.
WELCOME.

FOLLOW ME TO THE MUSIC ROOM.

OH, GOODNESS.

- AH, INCREDIBLE!
- THIS IS NUTS.

I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE
IT'S ORIGINAL.

AND I EVEN HAVE THE COBWEBS
TO GIVE IT THAT IDEA.

IT WASN'T EASY TO FIND
SOMEONE TO REPAIR THIS PIECE.

BUT WE FOUND ONE GUY
WHO SPECIALIZES IN THE PERIOD.

DOES AMAZING WORK.

WELL, I'M REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THAT.

WELL, THAT'S PERFECT.
WANNA SEE IT?

ABSOLUTELY.

WHOA.

HE WRAPPED IT VERY CAREFULLY.

I FEEL LIKE
A KID AT CHRISTMAS.

MM-HMM.

MY HEART IS PALPITATING,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

WOW.

I'M SPEECHLESS.

I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.

WELL, HE DID
A FANTASTIC JOB.

I SEE THAT HE DID SOME REPAIRS ON THE LEGS
'CAUSE THEY HAD FALLEN APART. MM-HMM.

UM, AND I ALSO NOTICED THAT HE MUST BE A
HAIR STYLIST BECAUSE HE DID HER HAIR, TOO.

I REALLY NEVER HEARD HER PLAY, SO I'M
KIND OF EXCITED ABOUT HEARING THAT.

WELL...
WANNA CRANK HER UP A BIT.

ARE YOU READY?
I'M READY.

OH, THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

LOOK AT THIS, I MEAN...
WOW, SHE'S BLINKING.

I DIDN'T EXPECT HER TO HAVE THAT
MUCH MOTION IN HER HANDS, ACTUALLY.

YEAH.
I DIDN'T EITHER.

SHE'S REALLY... IT'S PRETTY
DETAILED MOVEMENT.

AND SHE'S ACTUALLY
BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

I AM REALLY IMPRESSED.

OF COURSE, THIS PIECE
WAS NOT A CHEAP REPAIR.

UM, FOR GETTING EVERYTHING FIXED,
WE'RE ASKING $2,800 ON IT.

AND HE GUARANTEES HIS WORK.

I WAS HOPING IT WOULD BE
A LITTLE LESS... YEAH.

BUT AFTER SEEING THE OUTCOME...
YEAH.

I HAVE NO PROBLEMS
WITH THE PRICE HERE.

EXCELLENT.
OH, GREAT.

WELL, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND THANKS FOR SHOWING US
YOUR BEAUTIFUL HOME.

YEAH.

THIS WAS
A UNIQUE CHALLENGE FOR US,

BUT WE'RE REALLY GLAD THAT EDWIN
GAVE US THE OPPORTUNITY

TO BRING THIS AUTOMATON BACK TO LIFE, THE
WAY IT WAS OVER A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

TO EDWIN, THIS IS REALLY
MUSIC TO HIS EARS.