Oddities (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Mummy's Private Collection - full transcript

A customer brings in what appears to be an unexpected appendage from a Mummy. Then, a customer gets a crack to the skull when he tries out restraints made for a child, and a man stares Ryan down with a one eyed pig.

WELCOME TO THE WEIRD
WORLD OF "ODDITIES."

HEY, LAURA.

- HEY, LAURA.
- HOW'S IT GOING?

I DON'T WANT TO PART WITH THIS,
BUT IT'S A GIFT FROM AN EX.

WHAT ARE WE PROTECTING
OURSELVES AGAINST, LAURA?

DO YOU LIKE BACON?

UH, NO, BUT...

AW MAN.

WHAT A CUTIE.

HOW YOU DOING?

- ANY QUESTIONS,
- FEEL FREE TO ASK.



YOU GOT INSURANCE, RIGHT?

OBSCURA AIN'T YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S ANTIQUE SHOP.

WHOA!

WELL, UNLESS YOUR GRANDMA'S
A BIT OF A KOOK.

IS THAT A STRAITJACKET?

I'M MIKE.

AND I'M EVAN.

- Both:
- WE'VE SPENT OUR ENTIRE LIVES...

- COLLECTING AND DEALING... - HUNTING
AND PICKING... TO GET THIS BUSINESS...

DOWN TO A SCIENCE.

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

Mike:

HOW YOU DOING?

- HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD.



HAVE A LOOK AROUND.

ALL RIGHTY.

ANY QUESTIONS, FEEL FREE TO ASK.

UM... I'M KIND OF LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING FOR MY SHOW.

LET ME GUESS.

YOU'RE AN ACROBAT.

CLOSE.

MY NAME IS SES CARNY, AND I AM ONE
HALF OF EVIL CLOWNS FOR HIRE.

WE ARE THE WORLD'S ONLY EVIL
CLOWN EXTREME VARIETY SHOW.

FIRE-EATING, HUMAN BLOCKHEAD, HAMMERING A
NAIL IN YOUR FACE... THINGS LIKE THAT.

SO WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR ACT?

- ACTUALLY,
- I'VE GOT MY GIG BAG WITH ME.

- I HAVE A SHOW TONIGHT.
- DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING?

ALWAYS HAPPY TO SEE
AN UNUSUAL TALENT.

- ABSOLUTELY.
- YEAH.

- I GOT ACTUALLY A PERFECT THING
- TO SHOW YOU...

- A QUICK WAY
- TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE.

- SURE.
- SOUNDS INNOCENT ENOUGH.

USUALLY, WE DON'T ALLOW SMOKING IN THE SHOP,
- BUT MAYBE - WE'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.

YOU GOT INSURANCE, RIGHT?

THIS IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING
YOU SHOULDN'T TRY AT HOME.

- I MEAN, I DON'T CONDONE SMOKING,
- ANYWAY, BUT... YEAH.

- Mike: - I'VE LEARNED LONG AGO - THAT
THE PERFORMERS - I MEET THROUGH THE SHOP

- ARE HIGHLY TRAINED
- PROFESSIONALS.

- I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE THEY
- DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING,

BUT THAT'S ALL PART OF THE ACT.

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

THAT'S INSANE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY EYEBROWS LEFT?

- YOU KNOW, THE WORST PART
- ABOUT THAT, THOUGH,

- IS THE SMOKE FROM THE CIGARETTE,
- SO LET ME PUT THIS OUT.

- THAT'LL KILL YOU.
- YEAH, YEAH.

I DON'T SEE AN ASHTRAY.

HOLD ON.

- YEAH. - THAT IS... IMPRESSIVE.

THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF THAT
WE DO, YOU KNOW, IN THE SHOW,

SO I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING
- TO KIND OF FIT - ALONG THAT CALIBER.

WOW.

SPECIFICALLY SOMETHING
THAT'S OLD, CREEPY.

- THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE.
- RIGHT.

YOU GOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

LIKE THIS BEAUTY RIGHT HERE.

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S AN éCRASEUR.

IT'S USED FOR REMOVING SOFT,
HIGHLY VASCULAR TISSUE.

IT WORKS BY A CRUSHING,
RATHER THAN A CUTTING ACTION.

WHEN YOU CUT SOFT TISSUE,
- THERE'S A LOT OF BLOOD VESSELS - IN IT.

- IT BLEEDS OUT.
- SO THEY INVENTED THESE.

IT SEVERS VERY SLOWLY, AND AS THE
CHAIN CLOSES AROUND THE TISSUE,

IT CLOSES OFF THE VESSELS, AND
THE BLOOD CLOTS, AND YOU END UP

WITH A BLOODLESS WOUND.

- IF YOU WANT TO
- TAKE A LOOK.

- YEAH.
- IF I COULD TAKE A LOOK.

YOU KNOW, I'M HAVING SOME
IDEAS FLOATING HERE,

- BUT IS THERE ANY WAY THAT
- I COULD SEE THIS ACTUALLY WORK?

OH! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

EXCUSE ME.

FRUITY THING BACK THERE?

I HAD TO DIG THROUGH THE GARBAGE, BUT I THINK
WE HAVE JUST THE GANGRENOUS APPENDAGE.

IMAGINE THIS WAS AN INFECTED PART AND THEY
WANTED TO CUT IT OFF WITHOUT BLEEDING.

THE OFFENDING BIT INTO THERE.

- YOU TURN IT.
- OW, OW.

- YOU CAN SEE
- IT'S A VERY SLOW ACTION.

- YOU HOLD IT BY THE HANDLE THERE.
- ARE YOU FEELING THAT YET?

AW, YEAH.

YEAH, SEE, NOW IT'S STARTING
TO GRIP INTO THE FLESH.

OH, THAT'S GRIPPING FLESH.

- YEAH. YOU CAN SEE
- IT'S STARTING TO HAPPEN.

THERE YOU GO.

OF COURSE.

WE'VE NOW CUT
THROUGH THE TISSUE.

- AND AH! - LOOK AT THAT.
- THERE YOU GO.

- AND SEE?
- LOOK AT THAT.

- SEE, THE SKIN
- WOULD FOLD OVER INTO THE WOUND,

- AND THEN IT WOULD
- JUST TAKE A FEW STITCHES.

- I GOT A PERFECT IDEA FOR THAT.
- I GOT TO HAVE THIS.

HOW MUCH IS IT?

$650.

I'LL TAKE IT.

$650. IT'S A DEAL.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, IT'S A DEAL. I'LL TAKE IT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THIS THING JUST LOOKS SO SLOW
AND PAINFUL AND METHODICAL.

I LOVE IT.

- I THINK WITH THE RIGHT MUSIC
- AND THE RIGHT ATMOSPHERE,

IT'S GONNA KEEP THE AUDIENCE
- RIGHT ON THE EDGE - OF THEIR SEATS.

- HEY, KEVIN.
- HOW YOU DOING?

- GOOD. - HOW YOU BEEN, MIKE?
- GOOD.

- I'VE KNOWN MIKE
- FOR QUITE A FEW YEARS.

WE'VE DEALT IN THE PAST.

I CAME ACROSS SOMETHING
THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE.

I'M AN ARTIST AND COLLECTOR.

I HAVE A PIECE THAT I KNOW MIKE AND
EVAN WOULD LOVE TO HAVE IN THE STORE.

GOT THIS YEARS AGO
FROM AN OLD CARNY.

DO YOU LIKE BACON?

UH, NO, BUT...

AW MAN.

A TWO-FACED PIG.

WHAT A CUTIE.

AW, MAN, JUST HEADS
AND MORE HEADS.

THAT'S REALLY PRETTY SWEET.

- SOMETHING YOU MIGHT BE
- INTERESTED IN HAVING?

- THAT'S SOMETHING
- I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN.

- A TWO-FACED PIG
- IS ACTUALLY QUITE RARE.

THEY POP UP NOW AND THEN, BUT
THEY'RE REALLY HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER.

I WOULD SAY IT'S PROBABLY
AT LEAST 50 YEARS OLD.

DOESN'T HAVE AN
ODOR OR ANYTHING.

NO INSECT DAMAGE.

NO. NOTHING.

YEAH, THAT'S ODD.

FREEZE-DRIED, YOU THINK?

I'M NOT SURE.

IT'S A VERY OLD PIECE.

I'M NOT QUITE SURE.

- 'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
- THERE'S A CUT HERE,

- AND IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
- A LITTLE BIT OF GLUE HERE.

IT LOOKS ALMOST LIKE IT WAS
FREEZE-DRIED THE WAY THE MOUTH DOES.

OH, ACTUALLY, THE HOLES HERE...
YES.

THOSE ARE PINS FOR
FREEZE-DRYING.

- THEY POSITION THE ANIMAL
- IN PLACE, AND THEY USE THE PINS

- TO KEEP HIM
- ALL WHERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

- AND THEY WOULD - TAKE THE ORGANS OUT,
BUT THEY LEAVE ALL THE MEAT IN THERE.

THEN THEY FREEZE HIM.

- FREEZE-DRYING WORKS BY A PROCESS
- KNOWN AS SUBLIMATION.

THE ANIMAL IS PUT INTO POSITION, THEN FROZEN
SOLID, THEN PUT INTO A VACUUM CHAMBER.

WHEN A VACUUM'S APPLIED, THE ICE
GOES FROM SOLID FORM TO GAS FORM.

IT SKIPS LIQUID FORM ALTOGETHER.

IF IT DID BECOME LIQUID,
IT WOULD LOSE ITS SHAPE.

IT COULD DECOMPOSE.

IT WOULD BE A REAL MESS.

I WOULD SAY WHAT DOES MAKE IT MORE
SPECIAL THAN A REGULAR TAXIDERMY PIECE

- IS, YOU STILL HAVE THE
- WHOLE INNER SKELETON IN THERE.

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

- OF COURSE, - WITH TRADITIONAL
TAXIDERMY, IT WOULD BE MORE DIFFICULT

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, THE SKULL'S
PARTIALLY EXPOSED HERE.

THEY WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE WHOLE
SKULL IN HERE, WHICH, OF COURSE,

THEY DID WITH THIS PROCESS.

SO THIS IS LIKE THE MEMBRANE, AND
IF YOU WERE TO OPEN THAT UP,

THE ACTUAL BRAIN, I'M SURE, WOULD BE
A DRIED-OUT LITTLE WALNUT IN THERE.

- IF YOU TAKE YOUR TONGUE
- AND TOUCH IT, IT'S GOT A SALTY TASTE.

I'LL TRUST YOU ON THAT ONE.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU
WANT TO SELL THIS?

- YOU KNOW,
- I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF.

IT'S JUST TIME TO MAKE
ROOM FOR OTHER NEW PIECES.

- WELL, HE'S GREAT. - UH... THE
WORST QUESTION OF ALL... HOW MUCH?

UM... I'M GONNA HAVE
TO ASK $1,200 ON IT

- JUST BECAUSE
- OF THE RARITY OF THE PIECE.

- LITTLE PIGGIES LIKE THAT
- DON'T COME AROUND OFTEN.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

- YOU SEE THEM - MOSTLY PICKLED.
- YEAH.

- IS THERE ANY WIGGLE ROOM
- ON THAT?

- LIKE, COULD YOU DO
- LIKE AN EVEN GRAND?

THEN WE CAN DO CASH.

I HATE TO ASK.

NO, I MEAN... IF I WERE TO
SELL IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE,

- I WOULD DEFINITELY
- ASK MORE.

YEAH.

BUT...

I'LL DO IT FOR YOU GUYS.

NOW YOU'RE COMING HOME
WITH ME, LITTLE PIGGY.

HEY, LAURA.

- HEY, LAURA.
- HOW'S IT GOING?

OKAY. HOW ARE YOU?

- LAURA'S ONE OF
- OUR REGULAR CUSTOMERS.

SHE WAS A MORTICIAN AND THEN A MODEL,
AND NOW SHE'S A CLOTHING DESIGNER...

AN ALL-AROUND GOOD EGG.

I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SOLD ANYTHING TO YOU,
AND I STILL DON'T WANT TO PART WITH THIS,

BUT IT'S A GIFT FROM AN EX.

WHEN I PASS BY IT IN MY APARTMENT, IT JUST
REMINDS ME OF HIM, AND I DON'T REALLY

CARE FOR HIM THAT MUCH.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

- NO,
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT SUCKS 'CAUSE IT'S GOT
SO MUCH COOL STUFF IN IT.

WOW.

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO
- PUT SOME GLOVES ON.

I DIDN'T REALLY CLEAN UP.

I KIND OF LEFT IT AS IT WAS.

- TOXIC. - WELL, MAYBE WE WON'T
- POKE AROUND TOO MUCH IN THERE.

- I'LL JUST DO ONE. - YEAH, THIS
IS MY FAVORITE PART - OF THE JOB.

OH, YES.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE PROTECTING
OURSELVES AGAINST, LAURA?

CARCINOGENS.

CARCINOGENS. OKAY.

YEAH.

HERE AT OBSCURA, WE DEAL WITH ALL SORTS
OF STUFF FROM THE TURN OF THE CENTURY

- BEFORE THEY REALLY CARED ABOUT - THE
TOXICITY OR HOW POISONOUS AN ITEM MAY BE.

- IT COULD BE ARSENIC
- FROM AN OLD TAXIDERMY ITEM.

IT COULD BE MERCURY OR
STRYCHNINE IN A MEDICAL KIT.

IT'S JUST IMPORTANT THAT WE KNOW SO
THAT WE CAN LET A FUTURE BUYER KNOW.

WHEN I FIRST OPENED THIS, THIS BIG CLOUD
CAME OUT, AND I, LIKE, WAS CHOKING.

KEPT THIS ENCASED IN A GARBAGE BAG
FOR LIKE A YEAR TO LET IT SETTLE.

REALLY?

THE BEST GIFTS COME IN
GARBAGE BAGS, CLEARLY.

IS IT LOCKED?

THERE YOU GO.

OH, THERE YOU GO.

OH, MAN.

OH, WOW.

HE QUIT SMOKING 10 YEARS AGO.

TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY.

- RIGHT.
- I HAVE A PIECE.

IT'S A GREAT PIECE... I MEAN,
ESPECIALLY FOR A FORMER SMOKER.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

OH, MY WORD.

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

Laura:

WHEN I FIRST OPENED THIS, THIS BIG COULD
CAME OUT, AND I, LIKE, WAS CHOKING.

KEPT THIS ENCASED IN A GARBAGE BAG
FOR LIKE A YEAR TO LET IT SETTLE.

REALLY?

- LAURA IS ONE OF
- OUR BEST CUSTOMERS.

SHE USED TO BE A MODEL
AND A MORTICIAN.

- SHE STOPPED BY
- WITH A GIFT FROM AN EX-BOYFRIEND

- SHE SAID
- WE MAY BE VERY INTERESTED IN.

- Evan:
- IS IT LOCKED?

NO.

- DOES IT GO LEFT-RIGHT
- OR UP-DOWN? OH, THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S AN EMBALMING KIT.

OH, WOW.

LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.

- YEAH.
- PHANTOM MORTUARY COSMETICS.

UH-HUH.

BEAUTIFUL NAME.

I KNOW.

THERE'S SOME TOE TAGS.

OH, VERY NICE.

- IS THERE ANYTHING PRINTED
- ON THOSE, OR IS IT JUST BLANK?

THEY'RE BLANK.

SHORTLY AFTER DEATH, THE CELLS
OF THE BODY DIE AND DECOMPOSE.

BACTERIA TAKES OVER AND EVENTUALLY
WILL CAUSE BLOATING TO THE POINT WHERE

- THE BODY COULD ACTUALLY EXPLODE
- FROM SO MUCH GAS.

WHAT EMBALMING DOES IS BASICALLY
REPLACE THE BLOOD WITH A CHEMICAL

THAT WILL KILL ALL SORTS OF
BACTERIA AND PRESERVE THE BODY.

THE STUFF IS INCREDIBLY TOXIC,
HOWEVER, TO LIVE PEOPLE.

- Evan:
- OH, THAT'S A NICE KIT.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

- YEAH, YOU GOT YOUR SCALPELS
- WITHOUT THE BLADES.

ALL YOUR FAVORITES.

IS THAT A TROCAR?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THIS IS A DRAIN TUBE.

THIS WOULD GO, IDEALLY,
DOWN THE JUGULAR.

OH.

- AND THIS HELPS
- BREAK UP THE CLOTS.

- YOU DON'T WANT
- THE CLOTS.

VERY INTERESTING.

WHAT ELSE IS DOWN THERE?

EYE CAPS.

OH, YEAH. EYE CAPS.

- Laura: - EYE CAPS GIVES A LOOK
LIKE THE EYEBALL IS STILL THERE

WITH ALL THE FLUID IN IT, BECAUSE THE
EYEBALLS WILL FLATTEN AS YOU DECOMPOSE.

THE EYELIDS WOULD LOOK WEIRD IF
THEY WERE JUST RESTING THERE

AND HAD NO SHAPE TO THEM.

- SO, DO YOU HAVE A DOLLAR AMOUNT
- THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

WELL, I MEAN, SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
FOR US TO BUY... WE'D OFFER

PROBABLY ABOUT 100 BUCKS OR SO,
BUT IF YOU WANTED STORE CREDIT,

- WE COULD, YEAH, DO
- A LITTLE BIT BETTER, OF COURSE.

DEFINITELY STORE CREDIT.

- SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK,
- LIKE, UH... - 150 BUCKS? - YEAH.

$150?

IS THAT GOOD FOR YOU?

$150 STORE CREDIT?

SOUNDS GOOD.

- IT'S BITTERSWEET - TO GET RID OF IT,
- BUT I'M TRYING - NOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT.

I'M JUST TRYING TO THINK, I DON'T HAVE
THE UGLY REMINDER IN MY APARTMENT.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA STOP
COLLECTING EMBALMING KITS OR ANYTHING.

- HELLO. - Mike:
- HEY, RYAN.

- HEY, WHAT'S UP, - MIKE, EVAN?
- HOW'S IT GOING?

THERE'S NOTHING THAT GOOD
AT THE MARKET TODAY.

RYAN IS ONE OF OUR MAIN BUYERS.

- HE BRINGS IN
- ALL SORTS OF THINGS TO THE SHOP.

- I MEAN, YOU NEVER KNOW
- WHAT HE'S GONNA TURN UP WITH.

HE IS CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR ALL
THINGS WEIRD, 24 HOURS A DAY.

- NOW, THIS LITTLE GUY'S KIND OF
- COOL. HE'S IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE.

- AWW.
- THE TREE RAT.

- YEAH,
- ANOTHER LITTLE TREE RAT.

I'LL THROW HIM IN
HERE OR SOMETHING.

WHAT'S HE GOT THERE?

- A NUT?
- YEAH, A WALNUT.

OF COURSE HE'S GOT A NUT.

THE SQUIRREL GOT THE NUT.

- OH, YEAH.
- YEAH.

- HE'S CUTE.
- YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

- RIGHT? - ALL RIGHT.
- THAT'S A DECENT FIND.

THROW THIS OVER HERE.

YEAH, YEAH, WHEREVER YOU THINK.

FIGURE OUT A PLACE
FOR THESE THINGS.

YEAH.

OH, ACTUALLY, WATCH OUT FOR
OUR NEW CRITTER OVER THERE.

DID YOU JUST GET THIS?

YEAH, JUST RECENTLY.

YOU LIKE?

OH, MY GOD!

- Evan:
- HE HAS ISSUES.

- WAIT.
- HOLD ON A SECOND.

HE'S INCREDIBLE.

- WE THOUGHT
- YOU'D LIKE THAT.

IT'S A TWO-FACED PIG.

AND AN ANENCEPHALIC PIG.

THAT'S EVEN MORE RARE.

- ANENCEPHALIC IS BASICALLY WHEN - A LARGE
PORTION OF THE BRAIN, SKULL, AND SCALP

ARE ABSENT AT BIRTH.

AND UNFORTUNATELY, THE ANIMAL OR
HUMAN DOESN'T LAST VERY LONG.

TYPICALLY, YOU WOULD SEE SOMETHING
LIKE THIS PRESERVED IN FORMALDEHYDE.

THE MERE FACT THAT THIS PIECE IS
FREEZE-DRIED, OR TAXIDERMIED,

AND IT'S GOT TWO FACES...
VERY, VERY SOUGHT-AFTER.

REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT DO YOU GOT ON IT?

WELL, WE JUST GOT IT.

- WE HAVEN'T REALLY
- PUT A PRICE ON IT.

WELL, I'M DEFINITELY
INTERESTED IN THIS PIECE.

- Mike:
- RYAN PULLS THIS ALL THE TIME.

A GREAT PIECE COMES IN, AND
HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH IT.

- HE WANTS IT
- FOR HIS OWN COLLECTION.

- IF I LET HIM - TAKE HOME EVERYTHING
HE WANTED, I'D HAVE TO EMPTY SHOP.

- I REALLY, REALLY
- LIKE THIS PIECE.

- WOULD YOU BE WILLING
- TO DO A TRADE, MAYBE,

- SOMETHING
- THAT COVERS THE COST OF IT?

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING, YOU KNOW,
OF EQUAL OR GREATER VALUE,

- I MEAN,
- WE COULD DO THAT.

WELL, I HAVE A PIECE THAT I
THINK WOULD PROBABLY WORK.

- ACTUALLY, I THINK
- IT WOULD BE A PERFECT TRADE.

- I'VE BEEN COLLECTING
- SINCE I WAS A KID,

- AND I HAVE A LOT OF GREAT PIECES
- IN MY PERSONAL COLLECTION.

- WHAT I DON'T HAVE
- IS A TWO-FACED PIG.

- SO I'M PRETTY SURE - I COULD FIND
SOMETHING TO TRADE MIKE AND EVAN FOR IT.

I THINK.

THAT'S TOTALLY FINE.

- ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW,
- I DO WANT TO MOVE THIS.

- IF SOMEONE COMES IN, - CASH IN HAND...
I KNOW, MIKE. I'M GONNA DO THIS

AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

I'M PRETTY SURE I HAVE
THE PERFECT THING.

- EVAN,
- YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME?

OH, I'D LOVE TO.

- RYAN HAS
- A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE COLLECTION,

- BUT I ALSO WANT TO MAKE SURE - THAT HE
CHOOSES SOMETHING THAT'S WORTH TRADING

OUR LITTLE TWO-FACED PIG FOR.

LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT, EVAN.

SO...

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING.

WHAT?

UM...

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

RECENTLY, MIKE AND EVAN PICKED UP
A TWO-FACED, FREEZE-DRIED PIG.

I REALLY WANT THIS THING
FOR MY COLLECTION.

- AND THEY AGREED - TO DO AN EVEN
TRADE IF I CAN FIND SOMETHING

THEY DEEM OF EQUAL VALUE.

WELCOME TO MY COLLECTION.

THESE ARE SOME OF MY HUMAN SKULLS
THAT I'VE ACQUIRED OVER THE YEARS.

Evan:

YOU'VE ACQUIRED QUITE A FEW.

YEAH, YEAH.

- THIS ONE
- IS JUST INTERESTING TO ME

- BECAUSE THE ENTIRE NASAL CAVITY - IS JUST MISSING.
- RIGHT.

I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT.

- IT WENT THROUGH - SOMETHING REALLY
HORRIFIC - THAT I - DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.

- THERE ARE
- ANY NUMBER OF THINGS HERE

- THAT WOULD REALLY BRING IN
- SOME MONEY FOR THE SHOP.

IF HE PICKS THE RIGHT THING, HE
MIGHT JUST GET THAT TWO-FACED PIG.

- THIS IS MY DINING ROOM. - THIS IS WHERE WE USUALLY EAT.
- UH-HUH.

- THIS IS ONE OF - MY BIGGER
CABINETS OF CURIOSITY, IF YOU WILL.

THESE ARE, LIKE, SOME OF
MY PARTS HUMAN SKULLS

- THAT I'VE COLLECTED
- THROUGH THE YEARS.

THIS IS A LITTLE MANDIBLE,
BUT A VERY, VERY OLD ONE.

YEAH, LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK HOW TINY.

OH.

IT'S PRETTY CUTE.

- THE EYES
- ARE A NICE TOUCH.

- YOU LIKE THAT?
- YEAH. VERY.

- SORT OF
- CARTOONISH-LOOKING.

- YEAH.
- IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE I KNOW.

SO, RYAN, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING
OF TRADING FOR THAT PIG?

I ACTUALLY HAVE A PARTICULAR
PIECE I WAS THINKING OF.

- I CAN'T IMAGINE
- WHAT YOU WANT TO PART WITH.

ALL RIGHT, EVAN.

SO...

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING.

AH.

- WHAT?
- I THINK IT'S PERFECT.

I THINK THAT, LIKE, VALUE-WISE,
- WE'RE RIGHT AROUND - THE SAME PRICE.

YEAH.

BUT ISN'T THAT THE PIECE THAT YOU BEAT
MIKE WITH IN THE TAXIDERMY CONTEST?

YEAH. I DID.

YEAH.

- I GOT "BEST IN SHOW"
- FOR THE TAXIDERMY COMPETITION.

RIGHT.

HE GOT RUNNER-UP.

- Ryan: - A FEW YEARS BACK, I
ENTERED THESE CATS AGAINST

MIKE'S ANTIQUE VICTORIAN BIRD
WHO ACTUALLY SINGS AND MOVES...

BASICALLY AN AUTOMATON.

AND I BEAT HIM.

SO HE'S EITHER GONNA LOVE
HAVING THESE PIECES IN THE SHOP

- OR HE'S GONNA
- BEAT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THEM.

- THE NAME - OF THIS PARTICULAR PIECE
WAS CALLED "DANCICUS FIGHTICUS."

DID YOU THINK THAT UP?

YOU HAD TO NAME EACH PIECE.

YEAH.

SO THIS IS "DANCICUS FIGHTICUS"

BECAUSE AS YOU CAN SEE,

- IF THEY'RE IN THIS POSITION,
- THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE FIGHTING.

RIGHT.

- BUT IF YOU FLIP THEM UP - THE OTHER WAY
- SO THAT - THEY'RE GOING HORIZONTAL,

THEY LOOK LIKE THEY
ARE, IN FACT, DANCING.

RIGHT.

- I THINK THE NAME
- MIGHT HAVE WON IT FOR YOU.

PERSONALLY, I THINK THE
CATS ARE A GREAT TRADE.

- MIKE, ON THE OTHER HAND, - MIGHT NOT
APPRECIATE BEING REMINDED THAT HE LOST

THAT TAXIDERMY CONTEST TO RYAN.

- I'M CURIOUS
- TO SEE WHAT HE'S GONNA SAY.

SORRY, GUYS.

YOU'RE LEAVING MY COLLECTION.

- Mike:
- HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

- HEY. - HOW YOU DOING TODAY?
- GOOD. GOOD.

- FEEL FREE TO ASK
- IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT A LOT OF
NEAT STUFF HERE.

THANK YOU.

- I USED TO BE
- A PHYSICS PROFESSOR,

- AND MY BACKGROUND
- IS ENGINEERING OF MATHEMATICS.

I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF THINGS
IN MIND I'M LOOKING FOR.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA TURN
UP AT A PLACE LIKE OBSCURA.

- LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
- IN PARTICULAR?

- YEAH,
- I HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE.

HE QUIT SMOKING 10 YEARS AGO,
WAS A REAL HEAVY SMOKER,

- AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOMETHING
- TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY.

RIGHT.

- I MEAN, WE HAVE A LOT - OF MEDICAL
STUFF IN HERE, LIKE THE OLD COUGH SYRUP

OR CONSUMPTION CURES.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'M LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING REALLY MORE SPECIAL.

- RIGHT, I WAS GONNA SAY,
- WE HAVE ASHTRAYS,

- BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THAT - WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD, UH...
- NO.

I WANT TO GET SOMETHING
REALLY BIZARRE FOR HIM.

I HAVE A PIECE THAT... IT'S A GREAT PIECE...
I MEAN, ESPECIALLY FOR A FORMER SMOKER.

CARE TO SEE IT?

CERTAINLY.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

OH, MY WORD.

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

I HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE.

HE QUIT SMOKING 10 YEARS AGO.

- I'M TRYING TO GET SOMETHING
- TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY.

RIGHT.

I HAVE A PIECE THAT... IT'S A GREAT PIECE...
I MEAN, ESPECIALLY FOR A FORMER SMOKER.

CARE TO SEE IT?

CERTAINLY.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

OH, MY WORD.

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

IT'S A HUMAN LUNG.

SPECTACULAR.

I LOVE IT.

IT'S A REALLY NEAT PIECE.

YOU CAN SEE THE COLOR HERE.

YOUR NORMAL LUNG TISSUE SHOULD BE SORT OF
A PINK COLOR, ALMOST LIKE A BUBBLE GUM.

- CERTAINLY
- SHOULDN'T BE BLACK.

NO. THIS PART HERE... NORMALLY, THE
ALVEOLI... THEY'RE VERY SMALL AIR SACS.

YEAH.

I MEAN, BUT HERE ARE SOME
REALLY BIG ABSCESSES IN THERE.

THIS PERSON CLEARLY WAS EITHER A SMOKER
- OR SOMEONE - WITH EMPHYSEMA OR, YOU KNOW,

SOME OTHER SORT OF LUNG AILMENT.

LITTLE AIR SACS CALLED ALVEOLI.

OXYGEN PASSES THROUGH THESE THROUGH A
PAPER-THIN MEMBRANE INTO YOUR BLOOD SYSTEM.

- WHEN YOU SMOKE,
- TAR GETS IN THERE.

IT CLOGS THEM UP... BASICALLY
LIKE AN AIR FILTER.

- THEN YOUR WHITE BLOOD CELLS
- CAN'T GET IN TO FIGHT PATHOGENS

AND INFECTIONS AND SUCH.

IF YOU DON'T STOP SMOKING, THIS
ONLY GETS WORSE, AND EVENTUALLY,

THEY'LL TOTALLY CLOG.

IS THIS TOO FAR FOR YOUR FRIEND
OR NOT FAR ENOUGH, PERHAPS?

THIS WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.

ABSOLUTELY.

WHAT WOULD YOU NEED
TO GET FOR THAT?

I COULD DO $250

ON THIS PIECE.

DEAL.

WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- Evan: - THANK YOU.
- UH-HUH.

- Mike: - HEY, GUYS.
- HEY. - WHAT'S UP, MIKE?

- SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK
- OF THE COLLECTION?

PRETTY NEAT, HUH?

OH, GOD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- HEY. - WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIG?
- MIKE.

I TOLD YOU, IF SOMEONE CAME IN,
CASH IN HAND, THAT THING WAS GOING.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

COME ON.

WE WERE GONE FOR, LIKE, LITERALLY...
WHAT?... AN HOUR?

YEAH.

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, I
WAS GONE FOR HOW LONG.

- NO, I'M KIDDING.
- I'M KIDDING YOU, MAN.

LOOK. I GOT HIM HERE.

HE'S A LAUGH A MINUTE.

YEAH. KEEPING ME ON MY TOES.

HE'S REALLY QUITE LOVELY.

YEAH, HE IS QUITE LOVELY.

YOU READY, DUDE?

I'M READY.

OKAY.

WHISH!

WHAT IS THIS, A FREAKIN' JOKE?

- IT'S NOT A JOKE.
- REALLY?

- YOU KNOW THIS PIECE VERY WELL,
- DON'T YOU?

- YEAH, I'M A LITTLE FAMILIAR
- WITH IT.

AND WHAT WAS THAT STORY AGAIN?

ME WINNING BEST IN SHOW.

RYAN HAS A LOT OF NERVE BRINGING
THESE CATS INTO MY STORE.

I MEAN, I WANT TO MAKE IT HURT...
JUST A LITTLE.

- YOU THROW THAT TROPHY - IN...
- OH, MAN.

- YOU'RE GONNA
- STEAL MY TROPHY?

IT'S A TRADE.

IT'S A FAIR TRADE.

IT GIVES IT A LITTLE
BACKSTORY, RYAN.

YEAH, A LITTLE PROVENANCE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... I GOT MY
CRITICAL ACCLAIM FOR THESE,

- AND I REALLY
- LOVE THIS PIECE.

I'LL GIVE YOU THE TROPHY.

IT'S FINE.

THANK YOU.

OH, EXCUSE ME. I BELIEVE
THAT BELONGS TO ME NOW.

VERY NICE.

AWESOME, MAN.

I'M HAPPY.