Oddities (2010–…): Season 3, Episode 21 - full transcript

WELCOME TO THE WEIRD
WORLD OF "ODDITIES."

HAVE YOU GOT A PHONE BOOK?

YEAH.

I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING
WITH A PHONE BOOK.

I JUST SQUEEZE, AND...
OH, MY GOD!

I JUST PUSH RIGHT
THROUGH THE WHOLE BOOK.

THAT IS AMAZING.

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANYTHING HERE THAT...
OH, I'LL GET THAT. HOLD ON.

HELLO. OBSCURA.

ONE SECOND.

THIS GUY'S WEIRD.



WHAT IF I INGEST A 3-FOOT-LONG
INFLATED BALLOON?

NO, NO, IT'S, UM... YEAH.

UGH.

OBSCURA AIN'T YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S ANTIQUE SHOP.

WHOA!

WELL, UNLESS YOUR GRANDMA'S
A BIT OF A KOOK.

IS THAT A STRAITJACKET?

I'M MIKE.

AND I'M EVAN.

Both:

WE'VE SPENT OUR ENTIRE LIVES... COLLECTING
AND DEALING... HUNTING AND PICKING...

TO GET THIS BUSINESS...
DOWN TO A SCIENCE.

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

COME ON, BABY.



HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

FINE.

ANY QUESTIONS OR ANYTHING,
FEEL FREE TO ASK.

I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A GIFT.

OH, OKAY.

A FRIEND OF MINE... HE'S STUDYING TO BE
AN EAR, NOSE, AND THROAT SPECIALIST.

I WANT TO GET HIM SOMETHING, YOU
KNOW, CLEARLY STRANGE AND UNUSUAL.

I GOT TO GET HIM
SOMETHING WEIRD.

I CAN'T JUST BE LIKE, "HEY,
HERE'S A STETHOSCOPE.

SOMETHING EAR, NOSE, AND THROAT.

UH, WE ACTUALLY USED
TO HAVE AN EAR.

UM, THAT SOLD.

NO NOSES OR THROATS.

WE HAVE STUFF IN HERE. I MEAN,
THIS IS OUR MEDICAL CABINET.

IT'S ALL DIFFERENT
KINDS OF STUFF.

I MEAN, THIS PIECE
ACTUALLY GOES IN THE EAR.

OH, IT LOOKS LIKE A HAND BUZZER.

IT KIND OF IS LIKE A
HAND BUZZER, ACTUALLY.

THIS IS AN EARLY
EAR-TESTING DEVICE.

THIS WINDS UP HERE.

UH-HUH.

THEY STICK THIS INTO YOUR EAR,
AND THEY PRESS THIS BUTTON.

THAT'S LOUD, NOT EVEN IN AN EAR.

PEOPLE MAY HAVE ACTUALLY LOST
HEARING BECAUSE OF THIS DEVICE.

THIS IS GREAT.

THIS IS PERFECT.

GREAT. ACTUALLY, WE'RE
ASKING $150 ON THIS PIECE.

$150... $150's NOT BAD, BUT I HAVE A LOT
OF SIDESHOW FRIENDS WHO HAVE COME IN HERE,

AND THEY TOLD ME THAT SOMETIMES
IF THEY DO AN ACT FOR YOU...

WE'RE ALWAYS UP FOR THAT.

MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING, YOU
KNOW, JUST A LITTLE BETTER, MAYBE.

WHAT KIND OF ACTS DO YOU DO?

HOLD THAT FOR ME.

IT INVOLVES A BALLOON.

OKAY.

WHAT IF I INGEST A 3-FOOT-LONG
INFLATED BALLOON?

I KNOW BALLOON ANIMALS ARE CUTE AND
CUDDLY, BUT PLEASE, DO NOT TRY TO

SWALLOW A 3-FOOT-LONG BALLOON.

YOU WILL DIE.

LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.

MM-HMM, LIKE THIS.

WHERE ON EARTH IS THAT GOING?

UGH.

UGH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.

IT'S NOT BAD.

HONESTLY, I HAD TO FIGHT,
I WAS GONNA VOMIT.

WHEN THE BALLOON COMES BACK OUT.

I WAS GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT THAT.

WELL, THERE IS A
SECOND PART TO THAT.

TWO OR THREE DAYS.

WORRY ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

100 BUCKS, MAN.

YES!

SWELL.

YOU GOT A DEAL THERE.

THIS IS GREAT.

YOU BET. THANKS AGAIN.

HE IS GONNA LOSE HIS MIND
WHEN I SHOW HIM THIS.

AND HIS HEARING THERE.

COME ON, RUBE.

BY THE WAY, I DO FEEL
LIKE I'M GONNA VOMIT.

IN JUST A FEW DAYS
TAXIDERMY CONTEST.

IN THIS EVENT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY MAKE
SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH OR PURCHASE AN ITEM

AND ADAPT IT FOR YOUR USE.

IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL
IN THE ODDITIES WORLD.

IN FACT, THREE YEARS AGO, I WON GRAND
CHAMPION, AND I'M LOOKING FOR A GREAT ITEM

TO REALLY PUT ME BACK ON TOP.

THE BIG PROBLEM IS I HAVEN'T
EVEN BEGUN TO WORK ON MY ENTRY.

HEY, MIKE.

OH, HEY, MAN, WHAT'S UP?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?

JUST LOOKING FOR A THING FOR A
CUSTOMER THAT THEY CALLED ABOUT.

I FIGURED YOU WERE DOWN HERE MAYBE FINDING
SOMETHING FOR THE TAXIDERMY COMPETITION

OR SOMETHING.

OH, IS THAT COMING UP?

YEAH, YOU KNOW IT'S COMING UP.

I WON "BEST IN SHOW"

TWO YEARS AGO, AND SINCE THEN, MIKE AND
I HAVE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A RIVALRY.

I KNOW THIS YEAR, HE'S GONNA PULL OUT ALL
THE STOPS, SO ANY INFORMATION I CAN OBTAIN

AS TO WHAT HE'S
DOING, THE BETTER.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING YET?

OH, NO, MAN. I AM SET, MAN.

LIKE, MONTHS AGO, I HAD A
REALLY, REALLY KILLER PIECE.

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU REMEMBER
CORRECTLY, A COUPLE YEARS AGO,

I GOT THE WINNING PIECE.

WHEN WAS THAT?

YOU KNOW THE ONE... AND I
KIND OF BEAT YOU THERE.

WELL, I WAS GRAND CHAMPION.

I REMEMBER THAT ONE.

THE ONE WHERE I BEAT YOU WITH THE
CATS THAT I MADE ALL THE NICE COLLARS

FOR AND CLEANED UP.

WELL, THEY DID APOLOGIZE.

THE JUDGE SAYS, "I'M REAL SORRY
WE CAN'T GIVE YOU GRAND CHAMPION

TWO YEARS IN A ROW."

RIGHT.

DO YOU HAVE YOUR PIECE YET?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

STILL WORKING ON IT A LITTLE
BIT, BUT IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH, WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE READY.

IT'S COMING UP REAL SOON.

YEAH, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
TO ENTER IN THIS CONTEST.

I'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF THIS FOR WAY TOO
LONG, AND I'M HURTING FOR IDEAS NOW.

I HAVE NOTHING.

THAT'S A PRETTY SWEET PIECE.

HE'S MY PRIZE RIGHT NOW, BUT WHEN THE
PRICE IS RIGHT, ANYTHING'S FOR SALE.

RIGHT.

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS?

HEY, JUST ASK IF
YOU NEED ANY HELP.

OKAY, I WILL.

SO, DO YOU COLLECT
ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

NO, I GOT A LOT OF STUFF.

JUST SORT OF STUFF?

YEAH, YOU KNOW.

WHAT IS THIS?

OH, THAT'S A SPINE
AND A PELVIS, YEAH.

FAIRLY OLD ONE... PROBABLY TURN OF
THE CENTURY, LATE 19th CENTURY.

SOUNDS LIKE A SOLID ONE, STURDY.

WELL, THEY BUILT THEM
TO LAST BACK THEN.

YEAH, HOW MUCH IS THAT?

THAT ONE IS $650.

THERE'S SOME POLITICIANS I'D
LIKE TO DONATE THAT SPINE TO.

I AM JUDAH FRIEDLANDER.

I AM THE WORLD CHAMPION.

I'M THE GREATEST ATHLETE IN THE WORLD...
A MASTER OF THE MARTIAL ARTS.

I COLLECT A LOT OF WEIRD THINGS, AND I HEARD
ABOUT OBSCURA AND THAT THEY HAVE A LOT

OF ODD STUFF, SO I'M GONNA
CHECK IT OUT, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU COLLECT TOYS OR NOT...
IT'S A LOVELY HOWDY DOODY PUZZLE.

WELL, HOWDY DOODY'S AWESOME.

YEAH, HE'S IN VERY
STRANGE-LOOKING POSE AND ALL.

NO, I THINK THAT'S
PRETTY NORMAL.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING
WEIRD ABOUT THAT.

WELL, YOU SEE HIS
MAKEUP'S A LITTLE OFF.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING
WEIRD THERE, MAN.

WERE YOU A HOWDY DOODY FAN?

YEAH. "IT'S THE KEY
TO FUN AND LEARNING."

UH-HUH.

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANYTHING HERE THAT...
OH, I'LL GET THAT.

HOLD ON. SORRY.

HELLO. OBSCURA.

UH, YOU WANT TO KNOW IF WE'RE
INTERESTED IN WHALE VERTEBRAE?

SURE.

HOW BIG ARE THEY?

THEY'RE BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD?

WELL, HOW BIG'S YOUR HEAD?

YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR HEAD
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

YOU SHOULD HAVE IT ON YOU, AND YOU JUST
NEED A TAPE MEASURE TO MEASURE IT.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

THIS GUY'S WEIRD.

YEAH.

IT IS A LITTLE ODD FOR A CUSTOMER TO
ANSWER OUR PHONE, BUT THEN AGAIN,

IT IS JUDAH FRIEDLANDER, AND WE ARE
BIG FANS, SO, YEAH, WHAT THE HELL.

WHERE'D YOU GET THE
WHALE VERTEBRAE?

MEXICO?

THIS IS A MEXICAN WHALE.

THAT'S COOL WITH
YOU GUYS, RIGHT?

YOU DIDN'T KILL THE
WHALE, DID YOU?

OKAY, GOOD.

HE DIDN'T KILL THE WHALE.

SWEET.

THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.

OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, MAN.

BYE.

THAT WAS GORGEOUS.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU NEED A
RECEPTIONIST HERE, I'M AVAILABLE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA
GET THAT HOWDY DOODY PUZZLE.

SURE.

FINE CHOICE.

HOW MUCH IS THIS?

OH, $25, YOU CAN HAVE THAT FOR.

OKAY.

I'LL OFFER YOU $35.

DONE. THANK YOU, SIR.

ONE OF THESE.

MY HANDS ARE STRONG, DUDE.

THERE YOU GO. IF I SHAKE YOUR
HAND, YOU COULD GET HURT.

OH, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.

THERE YOU GO.

GOOD HAND FLEXIBILITY EARLIER.

THANK YOU.

THE TAXIDERMY CONTEST IS JUST A FEW
DAYS AWAY, AND I HAVE NOTHING.

A LOT OF THE COLLECTORS I KNOW ARE ENTERING
THIS, SO EVAN ACTUALLY REFERRED ME

TO A COLLECTOR UPSTATE WHO SAID
HE HAS SOMETHING I COULD USE.

JUSTIN?

HEY, YEAH... MIKE?

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HOW'S IT GOING?

THANKS FOR COMING ON UP.

THAT'S A NICE SNAKE
YOU GOT THERE.

MY NAME'S JUSTIN KRUL.

OF OLD TAXIDERMY.

I GOT SO MANY ANIMALS COMING
AND GOING ALL THE TIME.

THEY TAKE UP A LOT OF ROOM.

I HAVE GOT TO MOVE THEM ALONG.

PRETTY MUCH, ANYTHING
YOU SEE IS FOR SALE.

THAT BEAR KEEPS CATCHING MY EYE.

THAT'S AMAZING.

THAT'S A PRETTY SWEET PIECE.

HE'S MY PRIZE RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, HE'S NICE.

I USUALLY DON'T BUY
BEAR ON ALL FOUR LEGS.

IT'S NEW YORK CITY, SO WE HAVE A SMALL SHOP,
AND MOST APARTMENTS ARE KIND OF SMALL.

THAT GUY STANDING UP OR, YOU KNOW,
LIKE THAT OR THAT, ESPECIALLY,

I WOULD ACTUALLY BE INTERESTED.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE FOR SALE?

I'VE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF
OTHER STUFF RIGHT UP HERE.

THAT'S A NICE PIECE.

HE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

I CAN SEE WHY.

CHECK HIM OUT.

WOW, HE IS NICE.

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU WANT FOR HIM?

I'VE BEEN PRETTY FIRM ON $250.

LIKE, HE'S JUST SUCH
A COOL, LITTLE GUY.

THAT'S TOTALLY FAIR.

I THINK... I THINK I'LL TAKE HIM,
ACTUALLY, ALTHOUGH WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME

ABOUT THIS PIECE?

YOU TALKING ABOUT
THIS OLD COYOTE?

ABSOLUTELY. LOOK AT THAT.

THAT'S AMAZING.

HE'S VERY ANGRY. THE EAR'S DOWN.

HE'S AGGRESSIVE.

HE'S PISSED OFF.

THAT'S MY KIND OF MOUNT.

WELL, HE'S A LITTLE BEAT UP.

OH, YEAH, I MEAN... NO, OKAY.

THE JAW IS REALLY BEAT UP,
BUT I COULD FIX THAT.

I MEAN, I DO A LOT OF MY OWN
REPAIRS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

ONE EAR... I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE AWARE OF THE FULL DISCLOSURE.

I MEAN, NO, THIS IS, ACTUALLY, KIND
OF WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

I MEAN, ANYONE COULD JUST
BUY A PISSED-OFF COYOTE.

I CAN SHOW MY RESTORATION
SKILLS AND MAYBE EVEN ALTER IT.

ALL OF THE IDEAS ARE KIND
OF GOING NUTS RIGHT NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ON HIM?

I DON'T KNOW. LIKE, I BOUGHT
HIM PRETTY CHEAP... $100.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF I TOOK THE MONKEY AND HIM, COULD
YOU DO, LIKE, $300 FOR THE PAIR?

YEAH, I COULD DO $300.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AWESOME.

HAVE YOU GOT A PHONE BOOK?

YEAH.

WITH A PHONE BOOK.

OH, MY GOD!

I JUST PUSH RIGHT
THROUGH THE WHOLE BOOK.

THAT IS AMAZING.

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

WE'RE ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY FROM THE TAXIDERMY
COMPETITION, AND THOUGH I TOLD MIKE I'M

BASICALLY DONE WITH MY PIECE, THE
TRUTH IS IT'S STILL COMING TOGETHER,

SO I'M STOPPING BY EVAN'S TO
BOUNCE SOME IDEAS OFF OF HER.

COME RIGHT THIS WAY.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

OH, THANK YOU.

WHAT'S THE STORY WITH
THIS LITTLE GUY?

ACTUALLY, PRETTY SAD STORY... SHE WAS
HIT BY A CAR SOMETIME IN THE 1950s,

AND THE PERSON BROUGHT HER
IN AND HAD HER TAXIDERMIED.

SHE'S VERY WELL DONE, AND I LIKE HOW SHE'S
JUST CHILLING ON YOUR CHAIR OVER HERE.

YEAH, SHE'S VERY RELAXED.

THIS I ASSUME IS A PIECE THAT YOU WOULD
PROBABLY KEEP IN YOUR COLLECTION

AND NOT BRING TO THE
SHOP OR ANYTHING.

YEAH, I BOUGHT HER TO SELL, BUT, YOU
KNOW, I GOT REALLY ATTACHED TO HER.

YEAH, YEAH, I DON'T BLAME YOU.

SO, I HAVE TO MAKE
MINE SPECTACULAR.

I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT I WANT THE THEME TO BE.

WELL, WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU DOING?

AS LONG AS YOU ARE
SWORN TO SECRECY.

SWORN.

OKAY, I JUST PURCHASED A
GIGANTIC TAXIDERMIED DOG.

IT'S A FULL-SIZED
ROTTWEILER ON ALL FOURS.

I MEAN, IT'S SO LARGE, I COULD
SIT ON THE THING PERFECTLY.

REALLY?

ALSO... AND I'VE HAD THIS FOR A LONG TIME...
A TAXIDERMIED BABOON THAT'S ACTUALLY

IN A SITTING POSITION.

BUT, YOU KNOW, A BABOON RIDING A DOG...
IT'S REALLY COOL.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

I DON'T THINK IT'S
A PRIZE WINNER.

IT NEEDS THAT EXTRA.

IT'S GOT TO TELL
SOME SORT OF STORY.

I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN WHY
THIS BABOON IS SITTING ON THE DOG.

I HAVE SOME STUFF
IN THE LIBRARY.

CAN I HAVE A LOOK?

YOU WANT TO TAKE A LOOK?

SURE.

ABSOLUTELY, LET'S DO IT.

THIS WAY.

THIS IS AMAZING.

I DO HAVE SOMETHING IN THIS
CABINET THE BABOON COULD WEAR.

OKAY.

OH, WOW.

I MEAN, THIS IS A
PRETTY NICE ONE.

IT'S A HORSE-TOOTH NECKLACE.

I LIKE THAT SOME OF THE
TEETH ARE CHIPPED.

IT GIVES IT THAT PRIMITIVE FEEL.

IT MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO,
KIND OF, SASH AROUND HIM.

A BANDOLIER.

EXACTLY.

I WANT HIM TO
BECOME A CHARACTER.

HE'S WEARING A TOOTH BANDOLIER.

WHAT CHARACTER IS HE?

HOW ABOUT A HEADHUNTER?

A HEADHUNTING BABOON.

YOU COULD REVERSE THE ROLES.

THE DOG COULD BE THE HEADHUNTER?

NO, NO, NO. NOT THE DOG, THE
BABOON WOULD BE THE HEADHUNTER.

THE DAYAKS, FOR INSTANCE, WOULD GO
AND KILL PRIMATES, ADORN THEIR HOMES

AND THEIR HUTS WITH THEM, AS WELL AS
WEARING THEM ON THEIR HEADHUNTING BASKETS.

REVERSE THAT AND HAVE THE BABOON
BE HUNTING HUMANS, PERHAPS.

WELL, I LOVE THAT, RYAN... COULD
SWITCH THE TABLES UP A LITTLE BIT.

WOULD YOU LET ME USE IT?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, AND I REALLY,
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

Mike:

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

ANY QUESTIONS, FEEL FREE TO ASK.

LOOKING FOR SOME OLD-TIME CARNIVAL
KIND OF THINGS, LIKE SNAKE OIL,

THINGS THAT THE OLD-TIME PERFORMERS
AND STUFF... ACTUALLY, WE'RE ALL

OUT OF SNAKE OIL.

YOU'RE ALL OUT OF SNAKE OIL?

YEAH.

I HAVE SOME CLOWN SHOES.

THOSE ARE NICE OLD ONES.

YEAH, THEY'RE COOL, BUT IT'S
NOT REALLY WHAT I'M INTO.

YEAH. SO, TOO BIG
FOR YOU, PROBABLY.

RIGHT.

WE ALSO HAVE ANOTHER CARNIVAL THING...
THE MILK JUGS.

YOU FEEL THE FIRST ONE... THAT
WOULD BE THE TOP OF THE THREE.

AND THEN THIS IS THE BOTTOM
ONE, IF YOU FEEL A DIFFERENCE.

SLIGHT DIFFERENCE.

YEAH.

AND THEY DRILL THE ENTIRE BOTTOM OUT OF
IT AND PUT A BIG PIECE OF LEAD IN THERE,

SO IT'S NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE
TO KNOCK THEM ALL OVER.

THESE ARE COOL, BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S
ACTUALLY CATCHING MY EYE IS THE ANTIQUE NAILS

THAT ARE IN THE CASE
HOLDING UP THE DOLLS.

OH, THOSE BEAUTIFUL BIG NAILS.

I'LL GRAB A NAIL, AND I'LL JUST
BEND IT OVER MY INDEX FINGERS.

WITH YOUR HAND?

THERE'S NO TOOL?

YEAH, IT'S JUST RIGHT OVER
MY FINGERS AND MY HANDS.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU BEND?

ADJUSTABLE WRENCHES, HORSESHOES,
PHONE BOOKS, LICENSE PLATES.

YOU COULD TEAR A PHONE BOOK?

OH, YEAH.

WITH YOUR HANDS?

YEAH, YOU GOT ONE?

YEAH. ONE SECOND.

I'M A PROFESSIONAL
OLD-TIME STRONG MAN.

I DO OLD-TIME STRENGTH FEATS THAT WERE
POPULAR IN THE LATE 1800s AND EARLY 1900s.

WOW, THIS BOOK'S... NOT
MUCH TO GRAB AHOLD OF.

GOT ME A GOOD ONE, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH, IT'S KIND OF TRICKY.

WHAT I DO IS I JUST GRAB AHOLD
OF IT AND SQUEEZE REAL TIGHT.

AND I COME OVER HERE, AND
I SQUEEZE REAL TIGHT.

NOW, THERE'S NO FANNED PAGES
OR AIR POCKETS OR ANYTHING.

I JUST SQUEEZE, AND...
OH, MY GOD!

I JUST PUSH RIGHT
THROUGH THE WHOLE BOOK.

THAT IS AMAZING.

TAKE THAT, MA BELL.

OH, MY GOD.

JUST LIKE THAT.

LOOK AT THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S INSANE.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S
REALLY THE OLD SIDESHOW STRONG-MAN ITEM,

BUT WE DO HAVE SOMETHING THAT
CAME IN THAT MIGHT WORK FOR YOU.

IT COMES FROM THE LARGEST MAMMAL
TO EVERY INHABIT THE EARTH.

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE
TO RIP IT IN HALF.

YEAH.

I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.

ACTUALLY, IT JUST CAME IN.

YOU KNOW, THE SCALE OF IT...
IT'S PRETTY BIG.

THIS IS A WHALE VERTEBRAE.

HAVE A LOOK AT IT.

WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT KIND OF
WHALE IT DOES COME FROM.

HOWEVER, IT'S QUITE, QUITE OLD.

AND OF COURSE, WHALE VERTEBRAE...
THEY'RE FUSED THROUGH THE HEAD

AND THROUGH THE NECK.

A FIN WOULD FIT RIGHT HERE, THIS PIECE
HERE, AND THEY WOULD ALL LINE UP.

OF COURSE, THE CENTER PART WOULD BE
WHERE THE SPINAL CORD WOULD GO THROUGH.

THE OTHER THING ABOUT THE WHALE
VERTEBRAE IS THAT THEY'RE LIGHTER

THAN THEY SEEM TO BE.

IF THIS WAS A LAND ANIMAL, IT'D BE A LOT
HEAVIER, AND THE WATER HELPS TO SUPPORT

THE WEIGHT OF THE ANIMAL, SO
YOU HAVE THESE LIGHTER BONES.

YOU KNOW, WHAT REALLY PUTS IT INTO
PERSPECTIVE FOR THE SIZE OF THAT ANIMAL

IS LOOKING OVER AT THE
SKELETON IN THE BOX.

EVEN THE LARGEST ON A HUMAN IS
BUT A TINY FRACTION OF THIS ONE.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FOR THIS?

WELL, GIVEN THE AGE AND CONDITION
IT'S IN, WE'RE ASKING $450.

OKAY.

YEAH?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

Mike:

THIS IS "ODDITIES."

HEY!

FUNNY RUNNING INTO YOU HERE.

WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

WHAT'S THAT LITTLE THING?

YOU'LL SEE.

DEER HEAD?

I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE.

I'VE BEEN WORKING THROUGH THE
NIGHT AND THE LAST COUPLE DAYS

TO MAKE THIS THING HAPPEN, AND HONESTLY,
I THINK IT'S A REALLY GOOD PIECE.

RYAN, HOWEVER, HAS BEEN REALLY QUIET
ABOUT HIS, AND HE HAS WON GRAND CHAMPION

IN THE PAST, AS WELL.

I'M A LITTLE ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT
HE'S GONNA BRING TO THE TABLE.

WELCOME TO THE SECRET SCIENCE CLUB
CARNIVOROUS NIGHTS TAXIDERMY CONTEST.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, WE'RE GOING
TO GET STARTED WITH THE CONTEST.

MIKE AND I ARE ONCE AGAIN
COMPETING FOR BEST IN SHOW,

TO BE DETERMINED BY THE JUDGES.

THIS COULD END IN ONE OF THREE WAYS...
MIKE BEATS ME, I BEAT MIKE AGAIN,

OR WE'RE BOTH BEATEN BY ONE OF THE
GREAT COMPETITORS IN THE SHOW.

EITHER WAY, ONE OF US IS NOT WALKING
OUT OF HERE THE OVERALL WINNER.

OKAY, OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS THE GRAND
MASTER OF TAXIDERMY FROM OUR 2009 CONTEST,

RYAN MATTHEW, WITH AN UNNAMED PIECE
THAT HE'S GONNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT.

OH, MY GOD.

OH.

VERY, VERY NICE.

I'M VERY, VERY INTERESTED IN SHRUNKEN
HEADS AND DAYAKS AND BORNEO CULTURE

AND OTHER SUCH ARTIFACTS, SO I DECIDED,
WHY NOT TAKE A BABOON AND TURN HIM

INTO A HEADHUNTING WARRIOR.

INSTEAD OF BEING THE HUNTED,
HE'S BECOME THE HUNTER.

I TRIED TO KEEP IT AS
AUTHENTIC AS POSSIBLE.

THIS IS AN ACTUAL HEADHUNTERS' CAP,
AND I ACTUALLY ADORNED THIS PIECE

WITH REAL HUMAN SKULLS
FROM THE PHILIPPINES.

THE MONKEY SKULLS ARE ALSO
FROM THE PHILIPPINES.

I THINK HE OUTDID
HIMSELF THIS YEAR.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

HEY, MIKE.

I WAS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH RYAN'S
SUBMISSION, BUT A BABOON RIDING A DOG

IS SO SIMILAR TO WHAT I DID, I
HAVE A BIT OF CONCERN HERE.

HOWEVER, I STILL HAVE A
FEW TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE.

NEXT UP, WE HAVE ANOTHER
FORMER GRAND MASTER.

PLEASE WELCOME MIKE ZOHN.

WHAT IS THAT?

OH.

HOW YOU DOING, EVERYBODY?

NOW, THIS PIECE, SOME OF YOU MIGHT SAY,
LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY ATTACKING A COYOTE.

YOU WOULD ALL BE CORRECT.

HOWEVER, THIS IS A
LOT MORE THAN THAT.

SO, AFTER, YOU KNOW, TWO DAYS OF
FEVERISHLY WORKING ON THIS PIECE,

A FELLOW STARTS TO, YOU KNOW, GET A
THIRST HERE, SO I FIGURED LET'S MAKE

A UTILITARIAN PIECE.

IF YOU GO DOWN HERE,
ACTUALLY, THIS OPENS UP,

IT'S ALSO A COOLER.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO
QUENCH YOUR THIRST.

BUT THEN, I STARTED THINKING,
WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T WANT A BEER?

YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THOSE VOICES IN MY
HEAD STARTED SAYING, "KILL"... OR

ACTUALLY, THEY STARTED SAYING, "WHAT
IF YOU WANTED SOMETHING STRONGER?"

WHAT I DECIDED WAS... WELL,
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

BASICALLY, YOU REACH
BACK INTO THE COOLER...

PULL OUT A GLASS, OF COURSE.

IF YOU REACH AROUND THE BACK HERE, THERE'S
A SMALL PUMP BACK HERE THAT I INSTALLED.

OH, MY GOD!

PUMP AND DUMP.

THAT'S PRETTY NEAT.

BOTTOMS UP.

OKAY. THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME,
VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT.

AND I THINK MIKE'S
DELIVERY WAS SPOT ON.

THE AUDIENCE DEFINITELY LOVED IT,
BUT THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY

MEAN THAT THE JUDGES DID, SO
IT'S STILL ANYBODY'S GAME.

BEST IN SHOW GOES TO ONE, AND ONE
WHO CAN SHOW THE FUNCTION AND FORM

OF DEATH AND LIFE, OF
INTOXICATION AND UTILITY.

BEST IN SHOW GOES TO MIKE ZOHN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.

ALTHOUGH I REALLY LOVED MY PIECE, I HAVE
TO ADMIT MIKE TOOK HIS TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

I DID GET THE RUNNER-UP TROPHY, WHICH
IS COOL, BUT NEXT YEAR, A WHOLE NEW

OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO COMPETE FOR BEST IN
SHOW AND TAKE THE PRIZE BACK FROM MIKE.

BOTH OF YOU WERE JUST GREAT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVAN.

YOU GUYS WERE PRETTY
EVENLY MATCHED.

HONESTLY, IT COULD'VE
GONE EITHER WAY.

ON THE BACK AND THE ALCOHOL AND THE
PISSING BEER... I THINK IT WAS

THE PISSING BEER, ACTUALLY.

TO BEAT.

YOU GUYS WANT TO GO GET
A DRINK OR SOMETHING?

YEAH, LET'S GO.

SURE.

ENTRIES TONIGHT.

I WAS VERY IMPRESSED
WITH EVERYONE'S WORK.

IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO
DO BUT START PLANNING FOR NEXT YEAR...

THAT AND, YOU KNOW, POLISH OFF A
BIG OLD GLASS OF COYOTE JUICE.