Oddballs (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Emo like the Wolfstank - full transcript
Tired of being the only one he knows without a "thing," James joins the school's competitive feelings club. Only problem is, that's Max's thing.
-Go, go, go, go, go! Agh!
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a ladder.
Yeah, deodorant.
We're in the big leagues now.
Oh, man, James. What happened?
Yesterday afternoon
I tried out for a club.
-Which one?
-Chess club.
Why were you trying out
for the chess club?
'Cause I'm tired of being the only one
I know without a thing.
Even my best friend has a thing.
You're king of your
Competitive Feeling squad.
Oh, man, I'm trying so hard
to find a thing,
I'm working up a sweat.
And I've never sweated in my life.
Oh, yeah, you do got
a little stink going on.
Don't worry though. I got just the thing.
-Here. Try this.
-Thanks, man.
What are you doing, man?
It goes in your pits.
Huh?
"Warning: for underarm only"?
Hey, maybe that could be my thing.
The rebel who ignores warning labels.
Whoa, what's happening?
Salty… stinky…
Wait, these aren't tears.
They're sweat.
Sweat? From your eyes?
No way.
And just in time for class.
Okay, Max, maybe no one will notice me
behind your giant croc body.
Who said that? James?
Where are you?
Hi.
Aww. Hey, James, you still upset
I beat you out for the Chess Club?
I'm not sure if my fan club has
any openings,
but don't worry.
I can always check.
No!
And I'll have you know
that you didn't beat me, Stuart.
I respectfully resigned when the club
wouldn't hear my arguments
about the wrong naming
of their chess pieces.
Why would the king have
a cross on his head?
-And what's the bishop doing there?
It's supposed to be
a non-denominational sport.
You sound like you're standing up
for yourself,
which makes me want to bully you more.
But your tears make me think you're
already hurt by my previous insult,
and I don't want to waste any more energy
on such a loser.
I'm gonna go.
Stop looking at me. I'm leaving.
Oh, this is it.
This is what a walk of shame feels like.
Oh good.
It's finally wearing off.
Oh, way to go, James.
Way to go!
Using your emotions to confuse
and overcome a competitor
is some pretty advanced stuff.
Hoo-hoo! Color me impressed.
A competitor?
Uh, don't you mean, bully?
You know, they're kind of
one and the same
in the club I coach,
Competitive Feelings.
It's a club where we use
our feelings to win.
That's my thing.
Oh, yes. Yes. It is.
Max is our MVCB:
"Most Valuable Cry Baby."
But Max's long-standing rival,
Smooth Jason…
Don't say his name. Don't say it!
He always gets into my head.
Smooth Jason texted me a picture
of himself with last year's trophy,
and he's wearing crocodile boots.
-Menacing. And fashionable.
Actually, you know what, James?
I just had to put one of our team members
on the injured list--
sprained tear duct.
Hey.
How would you feel
about joining the squad
for the big competition tomorrow?
Ooh, you would really help us out.
Yeah, thanks, but I don't know.
Well, we're about to start practice.
Just come check it out.
You won't know if it's your thing
unless you try it.
Emotion.
Everyone. Everyone gather 'round.
Gather 'round, everyone.
Everyone, this is James.
He's thinking of joining our squad.
Hi.
Well, don't just stand there waving.
Show everybody what you can do.
Oh, uh, okay. One sec.
Wow.
Oh my.
From zero to puddle in 1.8 seconds.
I have never seen anyone do that.
James. James.
You can totally crush Smooth Jason.
Destroy him. Pulpify him.
Boil him in his own second-place tears.
Oh, we're finally going to win
a championship.
-Way to go, James. Hip hip huzzah!
I found my thing, Max.
Uh, do you hear them? I found my thing.
How can this be your thing?
It's my thing.
You heard the applause, Max.
But your tears aren't even real.
You're cheating.
Is there a rule that says
you can't use antiperspirant?
No. Why would anyone use
antiperspirant for evil?
Well, then it's not cheating.
Hmm.
Come on, Max.
I'm doing this for you, man.
You're having nightmares
about Smooth Jackson.
It's "Smooth Jason."
Jackson, Jason, Joystick,
pfft, whatever.
Look, I'll handle him for you.
Trust me.
This is gonna be fun.
Wow, big turnout today.
Look at those smug rival schoolers
with their preppy clothes
and their houses with stairs.
Oh money, money. I love money.
And there he is… Smooth Jason.
Now I know teachers aren't
supposed to hate kids,
but I hate that kid.
Sorry, I was just thinking of
a puppy seeing its first sunrise.
Okay, emoters. For this first round,
competitors will engage in emotional,
AKA feelings, AKA mawkish debate.
Now in the left corner,
we have Smooth Jason.
Champion, tender heart, rainbow tongue.
And in the right, we have, uh, Max.
Whoever moves the audience most wins.
And the topic: "Honesty in Sports."
On my mark, get set, emote!
Honesty in sports is important
because if you're not honest in sports,
that means you're cheating.
Thanks for that, Max.
But I think
the bigger question is…
What is honesty?
Breathtaking. Truly taking of breath.
Redirect!
Don't worry, bud. I got this.
Sure, we could ask ourselves
what honesty is
and sip philosophical tea
from our little cups,
or we can get real
and admit that it's okay
to not be totally honest in sports
when honesty won't help the team win.
How many teams would
try and get back in the game
if their coach told them
they actually couldn't win? Zero.
And how many fights would break out
if teammates gave their honest opinion
about each other all the time?
"You hit like a bag of marshmallows."
"Oh, yeah? Well your game's as weak
as our country's infrastructure."
"Do you want to go?"
"Come at me, bro!"
It'd be a bloodbath, a bath of blood.
So, when you really think about it,
dishonesty is better than honesty
if you win.
-Winner, round one.
Wow!
Next event: Musical Tears.
Oh, this one always gets to me.
Now, competitors will listen to
the saddest song ever composed,
and the first to fill their bucket
with tears wins.
Destroy him!
Ready, crybabies?
One, two, three, emote!
Tally ho!
Winner! No surprise.
Young people, this round's the hug-off.
You'll trade emotionally impacting hugs
back and forth,
and the first to make
their opponent tap out wins.
What?
Now, I want to see clean hugs.
No back-crackers or side-ticklers.
Rules are rules for a reason, huh…
for me to enforce.
Got it?
One, two, three emote!
Whoa.
-Hug!
-Embrace!
Cuddle.
Tear him apart, James!
-Winner!
This is… it's happening.
It's finally happening.
One more event and we will win.
Oh, I'm so happy I could puke…
and then eat it,
'cause that's what flies do.
We puke and eat.
Uh, time out.
Come on. There's gotta be one left.
Looking for this?
Oh, yes!
What? Hey, what are you doing?
You heard McFly--
if I win this last round,
the championship is ours.
Don't you want to win?
This is your thing.
Not anymore.
You sullied it with your musky, spicy,
and occasionally intoxicating scents.
Fine, then it'll just be my thing.
It's not your thing either.
It'll never be your thing…
as long as you use this
or Vulture Spike or Tiger Lightning
or Ninja Blizzard
or Panther Cannon or Wolf Truck
or Weasel Torpedo.
My deodorant!
Come on, James, find your own thing.
It all comes down to this--
our last event of the competition.
Whoa. Now I'm about to cry.
This event is worth double the points.
It's still anyone's game.
One final emotional debate.
The subject…
"Stealing your best friend's thing--
good idea or bad idea?"
Max! I totally got this!
James, James, James, James, James…
I haven't really been crying.
I've been using
a performance-enhancing deodorant.
There. I said it.
Oh!
That's right. My competition tears--
they were wet with lies.
The truth is that Competitive Feelings
is simply not my thing.
It's my best friend Max's thing.
And a life without a thing …
is better than a life without a Max.
Oh, James!
Being my best friend is your thing.
Don't clap for that!
He is a cheater!
Smooth Jason wins again!
Oh, you're too kind.
Bow.
Ohn-ee-on!
It is an onion.
That's what I said. Ohn-ee-on.
What? Okay, we're going to talk
about that later,
but right now… cheater!
Both James and Smooth Jason
are disqualified.
Wa-wait, so-- so nobody wins?
No, no, no, no, no. No. No!
Smooth Jason is disqualified,
and I still can't win?
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not fair. It's not fair.
Life is not fair.
In a sudden turn of events,
we have a new winner.
Yes! Yes!
Ugh. I can't believe I let a stick
of antiperspirant come between us.
Yeah, they should put
a warning label on it for that.
Hmm, you know, you're right.
We should sue.
Hey, maybe suing people
could be my thing.
Smooth Jason-- na nana, boo boo,
stick your face in doodoo.
Cry into this.
-I win! I finally win!
You know, you deserve
that trophy, Max.
Why? Because you think
I'm the best at this?
No, because you're
the best person who didn't cheat.
Oh, yeah.
-Cry into this, Smooth Jason.
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a ladder.
Yeah, deodorant.
We're in the big leagues now.
Oh, man, James. What happened?
Yesterday afternoon
I tried out for a club.
-Which one?
-Chess club.
Why were you trying out
for the chess club?
'Cause I'm tired of being the only one
I know without a thing.
Even my best friend has a thing.
You're king of your
Competitive Feeling squad.
Oh, man, I'm trying so hard
to find a thing,
I'm working up a sweat.
And I've never sweated in my life.
Oh, yeah, you do got
a little stink going on.
Don't worry though. I got just the thing.
-Here. Try this.
-Thanks, man.
What are you doing, man?
It goes in your pits.
Huh?
"Warning: for underarm only"?
Hey, maybe that could be my thing.
The rebel who ignores warning labels.
Whoa, what's happening?
Salty… stinky…
Wait, these aren't tears.
They're sweat.
Sweat? From your eyes?
No way.
And just in time for class.
Okay, Max, maybe no one will notice me
behind your giant croc body.
Who said that? James?
Where are you?
Hi.
Aww. Hey, James, you still upset
I beat you out for the Chess Club?
I'm not sure if my fan club has
any openings,
but don't worry.
I can always check.
No!
And I'll have you know
that you didn't beat me, Stuart.
I respectfully resigned when the club
wouldn't hear my arguments
about the wrong naming
of their chess pieces.
Why would the king have
a cross on his head?
-And what's the bishop doing there?
It's supposed to be
a non-denominational sport.
You sound like you're standing up
for yourself,
which makes me want to bully you more.
But your tears make me think you're
already hurt by my previous insult,
and I don't want to waste any more energy
on such a loser.
I'm gonna go.
Stop looking at me. I'm leaving.
Oh, this is it.
This is what a walk of shame feels like.
Oh good.
It's finally wearing off.
Oh, way to go, James.
Way to go!
Using your emotions to confuse
and overcome a competitor
is some pretty advanced stuff.
Hoo-hoo! Color me impressed.
A competitor?
Uh, don't you mean, bully?
You know, they're kind of
one and the same
in the club I coach,
Competitive Feelings.
It's a club where we use
our feelings to win.
That's my thing.
Oh, yes. Yes. It is.
Max is our MVCB:
"Most Valuable Cry Baby."
But Max's long-standing rival,
Smooth Jason…
Don't say his name. Don't say it!
He always gets into my head.
Smooth Jason texted me a picture
of himself with last year's trophy,
and he's wearing crocodile boots.
-Menacing. And fashionable.
Actually, you know what, James?
I just had to put one of our team members
on the injured list--
sprained tear duct.
Hey.
How would you feel
about joining the squad
for the big competition tomorrow?
Ooh, you would really help us out.
Yeah, thanks, but I don't know.
Well, we're about to start practice.
Just come check it out.
You won't know if it's your thing
unless you try it.
Emotion.
Everyone. Everyone gather 'round.
Gather 'round, everyone.
Everyone, this is James.
He's thinking of joining our squad.
Hi.
Well, don't just stand there waving.
Show everybody what you can do.
Oh, uh, okay. One sec.
Wow.
Oh my.
From zero to puddle in 1.8 seconds.
I have never seen anyone do that.
James. James.
You can totally crush Smooth Jason.
Destroy him. Pulpify him.
Boil him in his own second-place tears.
Oh, we're finally going to win
a championship.
-Way to go, James. Hip hip huzzah!
I found my thing, Max.
Uh, do you hear them? I found my thing.
How can this be your thing?
It's my thing.
You heard the applause, Max.
But your tears aren't even real.
You're cheating.
Is there a rule that says
you can't use antiperspirant?
No. Why would anyone use
antiperspirant for evil?
Well, then it's not cheating.
Hmm.
Come on, Max.
I'm doing this for you, man.
You're having nightmares
about Smooth Jackson.
It's "Smooth Jason."
Jackson, Jason, Joystick,
pfft, whatever.
Look, I'll handle him for you.
Trust me.
This is gonna be fun.
Wow, big turnout today.
Look at those smug rival schoolers
with their preppy clothes
and their houses with stairs.
Oh money, money. I love money.
And there he is… Smooth Jason.
Now I know teachers aren't
supposed to hate kids,
but I hate that kid.
Sorry, I was just thinking of
a puppy seeing its first sunrise.
Okay, emoters. For this first round,
competitors will engage in emotional,
AKA feelings, AKA mawkish debate.
Now in the left corner,
we have Smooth Jason.
Champion, tender heart, rainbow tongue.
And in the right, we have, uh, Max.
Whoever moves the audience most wins.
And the topic: "Honesty in Sports."
On my mark, get set, emote!
Honesty in sports is important
because if you're not honest in sports,
that means you're cheating.
Thanks for that, Max.
But I think
the bigger question is…
What is honesty?
Breathtaking. Truly taking of breath.
Redirect!
Don't worry, bud. I got this.
Sure, we could ask ourselves
what honesty is
and sip philosophical tea
from our little cups,
or we can get real
and admit that it's okay
to not be totally honest in sports
when honesty won't help the team win.
How many teams would
try and get back in the game
if their coach told them
they actually couldn't win? Zero.
And how many fights would break out
if teammates gave their honest opinion
about each other all the time?
"You hit like a bag of marshmallows."
"Oh, yeah? Well your game's as weak
as our country's infrastructure."
"Do you want to go?"
"Come at me, bro!"
It'd be a bloodbath, a bath of blood.
So, when you really think about it,
dishonesty is better than honesty
if you win.
-Winner, round one.
Wow!
Next event: Musical Tears.
Oh, this one always gets to me.
Now, competitors will listen to
the saddest song ever composed,
and the first to fill their bucket
with tears wins.
Destroy him!
Ready, crybabies?
One, two, three, emote!
Tally ho!
Winner! No surprise.
Young people, this round's the hug-off.
You'll trade emotionally impacting hugs
back and forth,
and the first to make
their opponent tap out wins.
What?
Now, I want to see clean hugs.
No back-crackers or side-ticklers.
Rules are rules for a reason, huh…
for me to enforce.
Got it?
One, two, three emote!
Whoa.
-Hug!
-Embrace!
Cuddle.
Tear him apart, James!
-Winner!
This is… it's happening.
It's finally happening.
One more event and we will win.
Oh, I'm so happy I could puke…
and then eat it,
'cause that's what flies do.
We puke and eat.
Uh, time out.
Come on. There's gotta be one left.
Looking for this?
Oh, yes!
What? Hey, what are you doing?
You heard McFly--
if I win this last round,
the championship is ours.
Don't you want to win?
This is your thing.
Not anymore.
You sullied it with your musky, spicy,
and occasionally intoxicating scents.
Fine, then it'll just be my thing.
It's not your thing either.
It'll never be your thing…
as long as you use this
or Vulture Spike or Tiger Lightning
or Ninja Blizzard
or Panther Cannon or Wolf Truck
or Weasel Torpedo.
My deodorant!
Come on, James, find your own thing.
It all comes down to this--
our last event of the competition.
Whoa. Now I'm about to cry.
This event is worth double the points.
It's still anyone's game.
One final emotional debate.
The subject…
"Stealing your best friend's thing--
good idea or bad idea?"
Max! I totally got this!
James, James, James, James, James…
I haven't really been crying.
I've been using
a performance-enhancing deodorant.
There. I said it.
Oh!
That's right. My competition tears--
they were wet with lies.
The truth is that Competitive Feelings
is simply not my thing.
It's my best friend Max's thing.
And a life without a thing …
is better than a life without a Max.
Oh, James!
Being my best friend is your thing.
Don't clap for that!
He is a cheater!
Smooth Jason wins again!
Oh, you're too kind.
Bow.
Ohn-ee-on!
It is an onion.
That's what I said. Ohn-ee-on.
What? Okay, we're going to talk
about that later,
but right now… cheater!
Both James and Smooth Jason
are disqualified.
Wa-wait, so-- so nobody wins?
No, no, no, no, no. No. No!
Smooth Jason is disqualified,
and I still can't win?
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not fair. It's not fair.
Life is not fair.
In a sudden turn of events,
we have a new winner.
Yes! Yes!
Ugh. I can't believe I let a stick
of antiperspirant come between us.
Yeah, they should put
a warning label on it for that.
Hmm, you know, you're right.
We should sue.
Hey, maybe suing people
could be my thing.
Smooth Jason-- na nana, boo boo,
stick your face in doodoo.
Cry into this.
-I win! I finally win!
You know, you deserve
that trophy, Max.
Why? Because you think
I'm the best at this?
No, because you're
the best person who didn't cheat.
Oh, yeah.
-Cry into this, Smooth Jason.