Oddballs (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Breaking and Entering - full transcript
James' mom turns him into a smartphone to see if he's responsible enough to have one. But staying damage-free proves harder than he expected.
-Go, go, go, go, go! Agh!
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a letter.
Ah.
Max, today's the day!
The day I turn into a real boy?
No, Max, that'll never happen.
Today's the day I'm going to ask
my parents for an upgrade
from my dumb, old
emergency flip phone.
You don't want
that sweet phone anymore?
Sweet?
The only thing this phone is good for
is seeing if my drinks
are too hot.
And calling for help
in an extreme emergency situation.
-But I need a smartphone.
-Ow!
Everyone has one.
My phone can't text or take photos
or look up answers to questions
I should have studied for.
Still better than mine.
Your parents still won't
buy you any tech?
Nope. Minus the tracking device
embedded in my neck.
But if you can get your parents
to give you a cool, new smartphone,
you can give me your dumb, old
emergency flip phone!
Well, get your creepy-old-man
phone holster ready, Max,
because I'm about to do this!
Oh, heck yeah!
Mom, Dad. I wanna talk to you
about my phone.
No. You want a flourless,
gluten-free renewable pancake.
No. Bleh.
That's not a pancake. And phone!
Honey, we've talked about this.
You're not responsible enough
for a smartphone.
That's why you have
a dumb phone. It's only fair.
It's not fair!
Everyone at school has one.
And I bet they'd never use theirs
as a hot-beverage thermometer.
Ugh. How can you not want your child
to have the latest technology?
You work as a scientist.
Which means I'm smart enough to see
through your paper-thin argument.
Paper-thin?
It's your argument that's paper-thin!
How do you know I can't handle it
if you've never actually
given me a smartphone?
Can you see the future?
In the lab, do you just decide how
your experiments are gonna come out
and not do them?
No, you don't.
A real scientist would test
their theories in the field.
Hi, James' mom, how's everything--
Hey, hey, hey! I wasn't done talking!
It is our job to test theories.
Fine. I'll test my theory.
If you can prove you're responsible,
I'll get you a smartphone.
I'll do whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
Okay.
Mom, you ruined the moment.
We normally use this machine
to mix flies with humans,
but it should work with a phone and a boy
without damaging the phone too much.
What?!
I'm kidding, honey.
You won't feel a thing, and it'll wear off
by later today. No big.
All right, everybody.
If this works,
children will finally understand
how to be responsible with a phone!
Janine, I want you to run
all power to my station.
Jim, grab a fire extinguisher.
No, two,
in case this thing gets out of control.
I know I already said this,
but, what?!
Sorry, honey, can't hear you!
Too much steam.
It hurts!
Make it stop!
Mm, you look the same.
Feel any different?
Not really.
Oh, I gotta unlock you.
Not really.
Let me call you.
What the heck? Hello?
It worked! You're a smartphone!
Now, all you've gotta do
is make it from this moment
until I get home from work
without damaging yourself,
and we'll know if you're responsible
enough for a real smartphone.
Uh-huh.
I don't know why you're okay with this.
Your mom's using you as an experiment.
Your parents do experiments
on you all the time.
Yeah, but I never learn a lesson.
Look, this experiment
will be a piece of cake.
Speaking of which,
I could go for some cake.
-Aah!
-Aah!
How did you do that?
You just said you wanted-- Mm!-- cake--
Mm!-- and it got delivered! Mm!
I'm a smartphone!
I thought my mom meant
I'd break like one or take a call,
but I'm like a full-fledged smartphone!
Ooh! What else can you do?
Is it amazing?
You can't see it?
No, I got blinding lights
shooting out of my eyes.
Ugh. What is this?
It's a version of a falafel.
Ugh. What version?
It's the public-school-budget version.
What do you expect?
Move on. Get out of here.
Ugh. One star.
My business is ruined!
Why? Why me?
I'd like to return my order.
And this app takes your picture and
shows you what you'd look like as a baby.
Now for you, Mr. McFly.
No, no, no, no. Don't look,
don't look. I was born in the lab!
Disgusting! I'm gonna puke! Argh!
Mr. McFly,
report to my office immediately.
Yes, Principal Loudspeaker.
And as
for the rest of you kids, school's out!
Until we can replace your teacher!
You see, Max, the day's almost over
and not a single scratch.
Hm. I can't wait
for my mom to see how responsible I am.
I know! I can almost taste
my new old phone.
-Up top!
-Yeah!
What did you do?
What did I do?
You-- you said up top!
What was I supposed to do?
Leave you hanging?
Well, you didn't have to--
Agh! Agh! It's your mom!
Hi, Mom.
Hey, honey.
I was just, uh, checking in.
I'll be off work in a couple of hours.
Uh, so, how's the experiment going?
Uh, fine. Experiment's amazing.
Totally responsible.
-Save yourself!
Uh, but I'm going--
I'm-- I'm going through a tunnel.
Sorry. Bye.
I hope she believed
there's a tunnel outside.
I need to get this crack fixed
before she gets home.
Why?
Because I'm always home
when she gets back from work,
and if I'm not there,
she'll know something's up.
And that means there's no smartphone
for me and no dumb phone for you!
My flip phone!
We gotta fix you!
Ugh. But we can't go to the lab.
My sister!
She works at uBreak iDon't Judge.
If anyone can do questionable and possibly
warranty-violating repairs, it's her.
Hey, bro.
Whoa, James.
Lookin' good.
Thanks, but I'm not here
to flirt right now.
My mom turned me
into a smartphone
so I could show I'm responsible
enough to get a smartphone,
and it turns out
I'm not so smart.
Cool.
I'll have you fixed up in no time.
That'll be 600 bucks.
Six hundred?!
If I had that kind of money,
I'd just buy myself a smartphone.
All right, your phone funeral.
Please, sis!
He's my key to a new old flip phone.
Fine. If I do this, it'll cost you
a pepperoni plate from Foodball Joe's.
And make it vegan.
Uh, anywhere but there.
Me and Foodball Joe
kind of had a falling-out.
All right, well,
you better find a way to squash it
'cause I can't repair things
on an empty stomach.
Ugh. Fine. And fix this up for Max
while you're busy doing nothing.
Hey, Foodball Joe!
Good seeing you. Nice hat.
Could we get an order of your
most delicious vegan pizza food balls?
No, you can't.
Because of your one-star review,
I'm going out of business!
What? Pfft. That was a joke.
People these days
don't understand the vernacular.
Yeah. One star just means you suck.
Yeah. That's what it means.
And I don't like that,
and I'm not making you food
until you change that review
and make it not meaning it sucks.
All right, fine. I'll change it.
There you go. Five stars.
You made me a liar.
Now please cook us some pizza balls.
Oh, you want pizza balls.
Well, I can't.
The deep fryer thermostat's broken
and I can't afford to replace it,
you ruining my business and all.
So unless you know a way to check
the temperature of hot liquid--
I don't think you do--
you're not getting pizza balls!
Ah! James, you can't!
It's okay, Max.
What's one more scratch?
Jenna's gonna fix me up anyways.
Who's Jenna? She sounds nice.
-Ah!
Okay, I'll go finish your order.
You're gonna be okay.
We just gotta call for help.
Just get me back
to uBreak iDon't judge.
As long as nothing else
happens to me, I think I'll make it.
Order's ready.
Foods!
Could you eat faster, please?
I gotta get home
before my mom does.
Ugh, fine.
Hang here, Max, and, uh, don't come
running when you hear him screaming.
He's just in excruciating pain.
Whoa! Hey there!
Ooh, not my dongle!
-Hey, look out for my SIM card!
Agh! Ooh! Watch out!
How'd it go?
Good. Though your sister has now seen
parts of me you'll never see.
How's it going? Feeling responsible?
Oh, yeah, perfect.
I'm totally perfect. Not broken at all.
Good for you. Can't wait
to see for myself. I'll be home in five.
Uh, click.
I gotta get home!
All right, well, take it sleazy.
I don't honor warranties.
Uh. Ah! Bubble wrap.
You okay, man?
No. I have to run back across town
without suffering any damage.
Uh, you know, you could
just take a rideshare.
Yes!
I need a ride!
Mr. McFly?
You drive a rideshare?
Mm-hmm.
Principal Loudspeaker fired me.
Apparently, baby pictures
that induce vomiting
violate the school's
code of conduct.
Well, if you can get me home
in the next five minutes--
I'll give you a huge tip.
Tip? Did you just say "tip"?
Ah, yeah!
What are you doing?!
The only way I can get you home
in time for that sweet gratuity
is by taking a shortcut.
Ooh!
Hand-over-hand steering.
Watch out! Watch out!
Left turn! Right turn! Flip!
Back it up. Back it--
Look out!
Huh?
My tip!
Oh. The case worked.
Let's hope it's rated
for dramatic falls on to concrete.
Huh?
I'm flying!
Huh? Oh!
Huh. Look at you. Not a scratch.
Yep. I'm Mr. Responsible.
And proud new owner
of a smartphone, am I right?
Not until I check your data
and make sure you're being totally honest.
Of course I'm being honest.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Turn around.
Oh. Your tamper sticker says
you've got some water damage.
What?
No, I didn't get wet.
I got cracked, fried, melted,
and chewed, but no water.
I don't want a smartphone anymore.
Man, you were right.
This phone sucks!
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a letter.
Ah.
Max, today's the day!
The day I turn into a real boy?
No, Max, that'll never happen.
Today's the day I'm going to ask
my parents for an upgrade
from my dumb, old
emergency flip phone.
You don't want
that sweet phone anymore?
Sweet?
The only thing this phone is good for
is seeing if my drinks
are too hot.
And calling for help
in an extreme emergency situation.
-But I need a smartphone.
-Ow!
Everyone has one.
My phone can't text or take photos
or look up answers to questions
I should have studied for.
Still better than mine.
Your parents still won't
buy you any tech?
Nope. Minus the tracking device
embedded in my neck.
But if you can get your parents
to give you a cool, new smartphone,
you can give me your dumb, old
emergency flip phone!
Well, get your creepy-old-man
phone holster ready, Max,
because I'm about to do this!
Oh, heck yeah!
Mom, Dad. I wanna talk to you
about my phone.
No. You want a flourless,
gluten-free renewable pancake.
No. Bleh.
That's not a pancake. And phone!
Honey, we've talked about this.
You're not responsible enough
for a smartphone.
That's why you have
a dumb phone. It's only fair.
It's not fair!
Everyone at school has one.
And I bet they'd never use theirs
as a hot-beverage thermometer.
Ugh. How can you not want your child
to have the latest technology?
You work as a scientist.
Which means I'm smart enough to see
through your paper-thin argument.
Paper-thin?
It's your argument that's paper-thin!
How do you know I can't handle it
if you've never actually
given me a smartphone?
Can you see the future?
In the lab, do you just decide how
your experiments are gonna come out
and not do them?
No, you don't.
A real scientist would test
their theories in the field.
Hi, James' mom, how's everything--
Hey, hey, hey! I wasn't done talking!
It is our job to test theories.
Fine. I'll test my theory.
If you can prove you're responsible,
I'll get you a smartphone.
I'll do whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
Okay.
Mom, you ruined the moment.
We normally use this machine
to mix flies with humans,
but it should work with a phone and a boy
without damaging the phone too much.
What?!
I'm kidding, honey.
You won't feel a thing, and it'll wear off
by later today. No big.
All right, everybody.
If this works,
children will finally understand
how to be responsible with a phone!
Janine, I want you to run
all power to my station.
Jim, grab a fire extinguisher.
No, two,
in case this thing gets out of control.
I know I already said this,
but, what?!
Sorry, honey, can't hear you!
Too much steam.
It hurts!
Make it stop!
Mm, you look the same.
Feel any different?
Not really.
Oh, I gotta unlock you.
Not really.
Let me call you.
What the heck? Hello?
It worked! You're a smartphone!
Now, all you've gotta do
is make it from this moment
until I get home from work
without damaging yourself,
and we'll know if you're responsible
enough for a real smartphone.
Uh-huh.
I don't know why you're okay with this.
Your mom's using you as an experiment.
Your parents do experiments
on you all the time.
Yeah, but I never learn a lesson.
Look, this experiment
will be a piece of cake.
Speaking of which,
I could go for some cake.
-Aah!
-Aah!
How did you do that?
You just said you wanted-- Mm!-- cake--
Mm!-- and it got delivered! Mm!
I'm a smartphone!
I thought my mom meant
I'd break like one or take a call,
but I'm like a full-fledged smartphone!
Ooh! What else can you do?
Is it amazing?
You can't see it?
No, I got blinding lights
shooting out of my eyes.
Ugh. What is this?
It's a version of a falafel.
Ugh. What version?
It's the public-school-budget version.
What do you expect?
Move on. Get out of here.
Ugh. One star.
My business is ruined!
Why? Why me?
I'd like to return my order.
And this app takes your picture and
shows you what you'd look like as a baby.
Now for you, Mr. McFly.
No, no, no, no. Don't look,
don't look. I was born in the lab!
Disgusting! I'm gonna puke! Argh!
Mr. McFly,
report to my office immediately.
Yes, Principal Loudspeaker.
And as
for the rest of you kids, school's out!
Until we can replace your teacher!
You see, Max, the day's almost over
and not a single scratch.
Hm. I can't wait
for my mom to see how responsible I am.
I know! I can almost taste
my new old phone.
-Up top!
-Yeah!
What did you do?
What did I do?
You-- you said up top!
What was I supposed to do?
Leave you hanging?
Well, you didn't have to--
Agh! Agh! It's your mom!
Hi, Mom.
Hey, honey.
I was just, uh, checking in.
I'll be off work in a couple of hours.
Uh, so, how's the experiment going?
Uh, fine. Experiment's amazing.
Totally responsible.
-Save yourself!
Uh, but I'm going--
I'm-- I'm going through a tunnel.
Sorry. Bye.
I hope she believed
there's a tunnel outside.
I need to get this crack fixed
before she gets home.
Why?
Because I'm always home
when she gets back from work,
and if I'm not there,
she'll know something's up.
And that means there's no smartphone
for me and no dumb phone for you!
My flip phone!
We gotta fix you!
Ugh. But we can't go to the lab.
My sister!
She works at uBreak iDon't Judge.
If anyone can do questionable and possibly
warranty-violating repairs, it's her.
Hey, bro.
Whoa, James.
Lookin' good.
Thanks, but I'm not here
to flirt right now.
My mom turned me
into a smartphone
so I could show I'm responsible
enough to get a smartphone,
and it turns out
I'm not so smart.
Cool.
I'll have you fixed up in no time.
That'll be 600 bucks.
Six hundred?!
If I had that kind of money,
I'd just buy myself a smartphone.
All right, your phone funeral.
Please, sis!
He's my key to a new old flip phone.
Fine. If I do this, it'll cost you
a pepperoni plate from Foodball Joe's.
And make it vegan.
Uh, anywhere but there.
Me and Foodball Joe
kind of had a falling-out.
All right, well,
you better find a way to squash it
'cause I can't repair things
on an empty stomach.
Ugh. Fine. And fix this up for Max
while you're busy doing nothing.
Hey, Foodball Joe!
Good seeing you. Nice hat.
Could we get an order of your
most delicious vegan pizza food balls?
No, you can't.
Because of your one-star review,
I'm going out of business!
What? Pfft. That was a joke.
People these days
don't understand the vernacular.
Yeah. One star just means you suck.
Yeah. That's what it means.
And I don't like that,
and I'm not making you food
until you change that review
and make it not meaning it sucks.
All right, fine. I'll change it.
There you go. Five stars.
You made me a liar.
Now please cook us some pizza balls.
Oh, you want pizza balls.
Well, I can't.
The deep fryer thermostat's broken
and I can't afford to replace it,
you ruining my business and all.
So unless you know a way to check
the temperature of hot liquid--
I don't think you do--
you're not getting pizza balls!
Ah! James, you can't!
It's okay, Max.
What's one more scratch?
Jenna's gonna fix me up anyways.
Who's Jenna? She sounds nice.
-Ah!
Okay, I'll go finish your order.
You're gonna be okay.
We just gotta call for help.
Just get me back
to uBreak iDon't judge.
As long as nothing else
happens to me, I think I'll make it.
Order's ready.
Foods!
Could you eat faster, please?
I gotta get home
before my mom does.
Ugh, fine.
Hang here, Max, and, uh, don't come
running when you hear him screaming.
He's just in excruciating pain.
Whoa! Hey there!
Ooh, not my dongle!
-Hey, look out for my SIM card!
Agh! Ooh! Watch out!
How'd it go?
Good. Though your sister has now seen
parts of me you'll never see.
How's it going? Feeling responsible?
Oh, yeah, perfect.
I'm totally perfect. Not broken at all.
Good for you. Can't wait
to see for myself. I'll be home in five.
Uh, click.
I gotta get home!
All right, well, take it sleazy.
I don't honor warranties.
Uh. Ah! Bubble wrap.
You okay, man?
No. I have to run back across town
without suffering any damage.
Uh, you know, you could
just take a rideshare.
Yes!
I need a ride!
Mr. McFly?
You drive a rideshare?
Mm-hmm.
Principal Loudspeaker fired me.
Apparently, baby pictures
that induce vomiting
violate the school's
code of conduct.
Well, if you can get me home
in the next five minutes--
I'll give you a huge tip.
Tip? Did you just say "tip"?
Ah, yeah!
What are you doing?!
The only way I can get you home
in time for that sweet gratuity
is by taking a shortcut.
Ooh!
Hand-over-hand steering.
Watch out! Watch out!
Left turn! Right turn! Flip!
Back it up. Back it--
Look out!
Huh?
My tip!
Oh. The case worked.
Let's hope it's rated
for dramatic falls on to concrete.
Huh?
I'm flying!
Huh? Oh!
Huh. Look at you. Not a scratch.
Yep. I'm Mr. Responsible.
And proud new owner
of a smartphone, am I right?
Not until I check your data
and make sure you're being totally honest.
Of course I'm being honest.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Turn around.
Oh. Your tamper sticker says
you've got some water damage.
What?
No, I didn't get wet.
I got cracked, fried, melted,
and chewed, but no water.
I don't want a smartphone anymore.
Man, you were right.
This phone sucks!