October Road (2007–2008): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Pros and Cons of Upsetting the Applecart - full transcript

Nick decides to stay in Knights Ridge because he thinks Sam is his son. He asks Dean Etwood for a teaching job at the college but she scornfully declines. Aubrey encourages him to keep trying, but even his buddies aren't sure he should be staying. Eddie is interested in Aubrey, but she realizes it's only to aggravate Nick.

- I don't want you to leave.
- Be back in six weeks.

- Previously on October Road:
- [man] Dufresne College called.

Want to know if you'd
be interested in teaching

a one-day intensive
on "The Art of the Novel."

[Nick] That's in my hometown.
I haven't been back in ten years.

Thanks for going easy. I read
how you made Eddie and Hannah look...

- I gotta warn you. Eddie...
- Yeah.

Long time, Eddie.
Just stop it! Hey! Hey!

You have forgotten which side
of October Road you belong on.

Hello, Hannah. You're a mom, huh?
I didn't know that. How old is Sam?

Ten. Don't worry. He's not yours.

The men in my family
have peanut allergies.

One bite of this peanut butter
and jelly sandwich and I'm a goner.

[# Jackson Browne: The Pretender]

[Cats meowing]

Oh, there he is.
Liz Taylor get her beauty sleep?

- Not so much. That cat...
- Yeah, but what do you care?

I mean, you get to go back to the
delightful sounds of New York City's

gunshots and orgies, while we're
stuck here with the agonized cries

of the horny neighborhood feline.

Yeah, about New York.
I kind of called an audible last night.

- You're staying?
- [Nick] Thinking about it.

- [Commander] How long?
- [Nick] Not sure.

- Few weeks. I mean, if that's OK.
- [Cat screeching]

That's it! I can't take it!

It's OK. Glad to have you.

- Thanks.
- But, uh...

- Have you accounted for the blow-back?
- The blow-back?

It's, uh, one thing
to pay a visit after ten years.

But, considering the number you
did on Knights Ridge in your book,

you might meet resistance to your
settling into the daily hum and drum.

You might encounter a blow-back.

I'm finishing this, once and for all!

[Commander] Is that a BB gun?

Just 'cause you are an idiot
doesn't mean you need to act like one.

Now, I gotta ask you.
What made you decide to stay?

[Lkey] You really
think the kid is yours?

Peanut allergy. He's got one.
Just like all the men in my family.

That's way too much of a coincidence.

[Phil] One percent of the population
are allergic to peanuts.

Three million Americans.
There's a 60 percent chance

of it originating
from a genetic inheritance.

There's a 40 percent chance it don't!

- Well done, Pythagoras.
- Thanks for playing.

Pythagoras was a winged horse!
Greek myth.

That would be Pegasus.
I appreciate the effort.

Spends ten years in New York City,
he thinks he's Anderson Cooper 360.

If you're convinced you're the dad,
how do you play it?

Only thing I can think of, ask Hannah.
Straight up.

No. Dropping the allergy bomb
on Hannah will freak her out.

Go slow. Get to know the kid better.

Take it from a father of two,

if he is your son, there'll be
no mistaking it. In time.

But say he is your kid, what then?

[Sighs] I don't know.

Hey, Nick's staying, Eddie.
Isn't that great?

I'm gonna go get my truck at Sully's.

I better get going too. Have to
pick up Alison's outfit for date night.

- Date night?
- Yeah.

Once every three months, Owen
and Alison go out for a nice dinner,

but not before picking out
outfits for each other.

Yeah, it started
'cause I like her to dress sluttier

and she likes me to dress...

Like someone with the ability
to look in a mirror?

- See ya.
- I'll see ya.

- [Lkey] Later.
- [Owen] See ya, buddy.

[Phil] I'll get that date night
mix CD I made for you.

[Owen] Thanks.

The only reason I told you that stuff

about me and Owen's wife is
'cause I thought you were leaving town.

You ain't gonna say nothing, are you?

It was a one-shot deal, right?

No need to ruin a family
over one stupid night, right?

Give it up! Bloop!

[Indistinct chatter]

Hey, who's winning?

Hey. No offense, but you're
really milking this goodbye tour.

- Actually, I'm staying.
- Really?

Yeah. So we...
we should hang out sometime.

You know? Maybe, um, have a catch.

A catch of what?

You know, a catch. Baseball.
You throw the ball back and forth.

Oh. Right. A catch.

Hey, Doodie, Nick wants to have a catch.

A catch of what?

It was just an idea. We can...

I gotta go walk my mom home from work.

- You do that every day?
- Yeah. She's works for the vet.

Oh, right.
Yeah, she always loved animals.


Hey, Nick.

Maybe a catch would be fun sometime.


A sign of a rough night when you hoof
back to your wheels in the afternoon.

- Sorry about the ruckus.
- No worries.

Friends getting together after ten
years? Broken glassware is expected.

Yeah, last night had
nothing to do with Nick.

Right. And I eat corn dogs
for the corn.

You know, the past is like
a pimple on prom night, Eddie.

You can try and ignore it,

but it'll still prevent
Jimmy from dancing with you

during your favorite Boyz II Men song.

[Train whistle blares]

- Nick.
- Hannah.

Sam told me you're staying.

Yeah, I... I, uh,
wanted to actually talk to you...

That's good.

For you... I guess.

But asking my son
to play catch, that is a problem.

So here's the deal. It's cool
if you want to stay. I can't stop you.

But I have worked very hard
to create a life for myself,

and most importantly Sam.

You can't just wander
into our lives, not now,

and make things more confusing
for everyone.

- Hey, look.
- It's... it's an applecart.

- And... it's delicate.
- I'm not going to do nothing.

- Really?
- I'm staying

- because the college offered me a job.
- They did?

- Yeah.
- To do what?

To teach... the kids. For real.

All I'm asking of you,
Nick, is just please,

please, please, please!

Just don't upset the applecart!

- OK.
- OK.

The college really offer you a job?

- Not so much.
- Welcome to the blow-back.

What you're saying is that she thinks
that you think that her kid is yours.

- That is what I think.
- Aw, that's utter nonsense.

You don't know everything.
There's things.

There's evidence and clues and...
There's things.

- We're talking the paper boy here.
- Yeah.

He walks her home from work every day.
Isn't that sweet?

All right. How do I look?

You really gonna do this?

I told her I got a job at the Doof.
So I gotta go get a job at the Doof.

I thought you wiped out there.

I did, but why wouldn't they want me?

I'm a big-time novelist, Dad.

[Woman] Is this a joke?

Because if this is a joke,
I'm still stuck in the setup.

Which, as you may recall, involved
you panicking and sputtering your way

out of a one-day seminar
with a case of the dry heaves,

leaving an entire lecture hall
in the lurch.

And now you want me
to give you your own class?

Just a little class.
A nice, little graduate writing class.

What makes you think you can teach?

And please don't tell me it's
because you wrote a popular novel.

No. No.

But the journey getting there,

the journey those students wish to
embark upon, I can share my experience.

- Then let's talk about that journey.
- Let's talk about it.

The, um, epic struggle of a coward,

who left his home, wrote a book about
the friends and family that he abandoned

for reasons unknown and
now is afraid to face his own life.

Wow. You're leaving out

where I burned down the orphanage
and drunk-dialed the Pope.

A teacher, by nature, is a leader.

And a leader is someone
who embraces their life,

not one who runs away from it.

In other words, Mr. Garrett, my students
have nothing to learn from you.

[Whispers] Oh, my God.

And thus, the arsonist returns
to the scene of his last great blaze.

Going down in flames
does seem to be the motif.

What's the difference between
self pity and self loathing?

I'd answer, but I'm too busy
feeling sorry for my vile existence.

- Have you met this Dean Etwood?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- What about her?
- Just that she's like Stalin,

only without the dreamy compassion.

[Horn blowing]

- Hey.
- Lotta beer.

We're stockpiling. Ikey heard there
might be a nuclear war this weekend.

True dat. Darcy, what goes on?

You weren't gonna ever call, were you?

Aw, no, not Darcy
from the hardware store?


Dude, I liked Darcy
from the hardware store.

Man, do you get around.
You're like the flu, only with a zipper.

He don't call. What are you, new?
This is Eddie Latekka.

Repeat business makes him nervous.
No offense. His bad, not yours.

- [Laughs]
- What's so funny?

Look, son. You're pushing 30.
Are you ever going to get married?

When did that line between selling booze
and being pals become blurred?

Look, all I'm saying is what's next?

No idea.

It's wild that you grew up here.

- Why?
- Mm, I don't know. It's just so...


- Berkeley isn't quaint?
- No, it is, but quaint with an edge.

- Edgy quaint.
- Barefoot quaint.

- Patchouli quaint.
- Kill the rich quaint.

Speaking of which,
the bill collectors can't be barking.

Why are you sweating this job thing?

- It feels right.
- Qualify.

OK, well...

It's like, if I can't do that,
then what good am I?

And... and who knows? You know,
maybe someday I become a dad.

Isn't that what you're supposed
to do with children, teach them?

I think you gotta flip the script.
Make a case for yourself with the dean.

You're in your hometown. There's
gotta be someone who can vouch for you.

Someone who can speak to the virtues
of Nick, not Nicholson, Garrett.

There's gotta be someone. [laughs]

You gonna be OK with this
Nicky stayin' in The Ridge thing?

Not much choice, right?

There's gotta be some sort
of a reckoning, a payback.

- What kind of payback?
- I'll know it when I see it.

The universe will provide.

Check it. There's Nicky now,
with that lolly from the other night.

The one you practically
KO'd with your thuggery.

Is that right? That her?

I think he digs her.
Yeah, why wouldn't he?

I mean, she's, uh... She's, uh...

Bro, you're not gonna...

God, I love the universe.

Somewhere in these boxes
is my tenth grade report card,

Somewhere in these boxes
is my tenth grade report card,

penned by Mrs. Gertrude Weiner.
Now if memory serves,

Mrs. Weiner waxed rhapsodic
in those pages,

a love letter
to all things Nick Garrett.

And you think that if you present it
to the dean, she'll see the light?

Exactly. The dean gives me the job.

Hannah sees that I'm committed.
I have a function.

Hannah tells me the truth about Sam.

Handing over a 12-year-old
report card as a job reference...

It may come across a little... goofy.

See, I thought about that,
but the goofiness is part of the plan.

- It's charm.
- [Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

- Hey.
- Hey, Sam.

You ready for that catch?

Uh... You know,
now's not really a good time.

Oh. Well, I'll come back later.

Um... I don't think so. Um...

I... I'm gonna be busy... indefinitely.


Like... forever?

Not forever. But just for now.

Oh. OK.

Bang! Boom! You just gave
the Heisman to a ten-year-old.

Hannah told me to stay away.

Well, even so,
I mean, that's cold, brophus!

That... that's popsicle cold!
Polar-bear cold! Eskimo cold!

- Igloo cold!
- I got it, Ronny!

You know the first thing legislated
when rebuilding New Orleans?

They went Wi-Fi. Hooked up the
entire city up with wireless Internet.

Good enough for a city under water,
good enough for Knights Ridge.

- Hey!
- Jasper! Casper!

What do you say you boys
don't do that? OK?

Don't play with your peas.

[Sighs] So, Sam.
How's life in the hustle?

Peaks and valleys.

- Is this about Nick?
- Nick? What about Nick?

I told you, sweetie,
Nick is just visiting.

That's how you have to think.
You shouldn't let it hurt your feelings.

- Lf...
- Can I be excused?


Plates in the sink.


- If I say it, it's gonna be a thing.
- Say it.

OK. It's just...

...you invite me and the boys
for a nice dinner

and I'm sitting here looking
into your beautiful eyes,

enjoying your cranberry pork chop,

only to find out there's hidden drama
with Nick Garrett, you and Sam.

- There's no hidden drama.
- How would I know?

All that I want, all I have ever worked
for, is for us to one day be a family.

I'm sorry about
the way my boys torment Sam.

I'm just trying
to make things right here.

I know you are,
and you've been amazing.

We're good.
Nick can't change any of that.

He probably won't even
stick around, and if he does,

so what?

We're good right now, Ray.

We're good.

[# Thin Lizzy: Killer On The Loose]

Dude, is that Eddie Latekka
crossing O-Road and going to the Doof?

Eddie Latekka never goes to the Doof.

Hey, kid, come here!

Wait! Hold on! I wanna get a look at ya!

[Cat moaning]

Here, kitty.

- Hello, Hannah.
- Hello.

My pet here needs a little attending to.

- This is yours?
- Yeah, that's right.

- How old is this cat?
- He's seven.

- This cat is a female.
- [Laughs] Yeah.

- And, um, what's her name?
- Sunrise.

What's wrong with Sunrise?

I don't know.
He's just a little, um... sluggish.

- She.
- She. Is that your son?

Mm-hm. Sam.

- You're my paper boy.
- Yeah.

I'll have Dr. Jeffers take a look.

- Huh?
- I'll have Dr. Jeffers take a look.

Oh, that'd be great.
I'll... I'll be back for him later.

- Her.
- Her! Her. Um, goodbye, Sunrise.

- Why did he bring Bumper here?
- I have no idea.

This is our cat.

Hey. You, um, got a second?

Well, not if the upshot
is catastrophic injury.

No. Nothing like that. I just want to
apologize for roughing up your friend.

A few too many tequilas,
misguided anger.

Mm-hm. Yep. So you, uh,
you have a problem with Nick Garrett?

Garrett? Naw. I went to high school
with the guy, but I hardly know him.

- God, I haven't been here in years.
- It was occasioned by what?

Well, my desire to make things right
by you. And um, to give you this.

- You made me a mix?
- I made you a mix.

- I'm Aubrey.
- Eddie.

Interesting selections.
Especially track two.

Pegged you for more of a John Cougar
Mellencamp guy than a John Cougar guy.

So, uh, maybe want
to hang out sometime,

talk a little more evolution of
Mellencamp? Little pink houses and such?

Tonight good?

- I'm meeting some friends at Sully's.
- Maybe I stop by?

Maybe you do.


- You and Ma.
- Yeah.

She'd have got a kick out of
the fanciness you got going on.

I don't know.

I think she might've been creased
for me staying away ten years.

But you're back now, where you belong.
That's all that counts.

It's how you close the game,
not the score at half-time.

Hold on. Pay dirt!

- Is that the report card?
- Yeah. But it's wounded.

Smudged. It's unreadable.

Game over.

Not true. We can do much better. Forget
about handing in ancient documents.

Nothing beats a live testimonial.

It's like I always say, if you can't
deliver the bacon, bring 'em the pig.

- You always say that?
- Well, I will from now on.

If you can't deliver the bacon,
bring 'em the pig.

- Thank you for seeing me again.
- You said you were bringing pie.

No, I didn't.

My assistant told me, "Nicholson Garrett
called to say he'd like to come by again

but this time he's bringing pie."
That's why I agreed.

- No pie?
- No pie.

- Then good day.
- Just hear me out.

OK, I know how you feel about me.

And I know that there's nothing
that I can say to change your mind.

But how about the words
of a fellow teacher?

I present Ms. Gertrude Weiner,

forty-five-year veteran of
the Massachusetts educational system,

and my tenth grade English teacher.

How do you do? It's a pleasure.

I, um, I just want you to know that
Nicholas is a wonderful young man.

Watching him maneuver his way through
semi-colons, I knew he would go far.

Think of what he
can bring to the students.

I am thinking of the students.
That's why I am not hiring Mr. Garrett.

Because he is the very worst thing
a teacher can be: A dilettante.

Someone who does a job
to suit his momentary needs.

Reminds me of another man

who came down to teach at a school
in a parish of New Orleans.

Only this man,

he told the students that they could
learn to sing, and so he sang to them.

And the song was, uh,
Where is Love? from the show Oliver.

But then this man,

he left soon after,
back to his real life,

leaving the students devastated.

I remember that because
I was one of those children.

And I remember the crushing
sense of loss when that man left.

So do not talk to me
about the students, Mrs. Weiner,

because everything I do,
every fiber of my being,

- is for these students.
- [Sighs]

- I'm sorry. She, uh...
- [phone ringing]

Oh, excuse me. I... Sorry.


Hey, Hannah. [exhales]

My father? What?

I told you I wasn't going
to meddle into Hannah's affairs,

and then you go and do that?

It was their cat!

Are you demented, huh?
Hannah's not a moron.

She knows why you went in there,
boy detective.

And I'll tell you what, she's furious!

And she has a right to be.
You literally, you just...

- He has her eyes.
...walked in there

with some cat that you scooped off the
sidewalk and some ridiculous story...

Nicky! He has her eyes.

- What did you say?
- The boy.

He has your mother's eyes.

Girl at the end of the bar
thought you looked thirsty.

Rabbit-faced one?

- No, pert and perky on the corner.
- Oh!

Dude, what goes on?

Nothing, I'm just not in the mood.

Are you OK, Eddie? I've never
seen you pass up an opportunity.

I'm just tired of all the endless
chit-chat about meaningless bock

that accompanies these... hook-ups.

You should try a different type of girl.
Fewer empty calories, more nutrition.

Maybe I should turn over a new leaf.

Maybe you're not
looking in the right places.

[Soft rock plays]

Lemme grab two fresh ones.

There's a new leaf. Go turn it over.

[Whistles] Hey.

People in small-town America really
do this, throw rocks at windows?

Sorry for the intrusion.

Oh, honey, we are well
past the intrusion phase.

This is more like an invasion.

Look, I'm trying to confront
the stuff that I ran from years ago.

And I'm willing to face anything,
anything that comes my way.

I will not leave you,
Dean Etwood, or your students either.

This time, I'm not leaving
anything until it's ready to be left.

What an inspirational tale. But right
now, Mr. Garret, I am going to sleep.

Please, Dean Etwood! Just...

...remember your Oliver Twist?

What... what are you talking about?

# Where is love?

- # Does it fall from skies above?
- What do you think you're doing?

# Ls it underneath the willow tree

- # That L've been dreaming of? #
- [man] Hey, shut up!

- Have you lost your mind?
- [Laughing] You have no idea.

- [Scoffs]
- Please.

I will open registration on Monday.

You can start your class a week from
then, strictly on a probationary basis.

Now get the hell off my lawn before I
remember where I keep my ex's shotgun!

OK, thank you so much. Thank you.

- Get off my lawn. Now.
- I'm leaving right now. Bye.

Twice in one week.
Should I be worried about you?

I'll let you know
in about half an hour.

I'm gonna grab a booth.

There is no way a talking raccoon
lives in your backyard.

Ralphie the talking raccoon,
he's real as rain.

You don't believe me,
come see for yourself.

- I'm five minutes away.
- OK. I'll bite.

But if there's no Ralphie, you pick up
the tab for my friends tonight.

Deal. But if there is a Ralphie, I
get to hold your hand for five minutes.

- Three.
- Four.

Three and a half, but no stroking.

Done. Shall we?

See you, guys.

The Talking Raccoon. Fail proof.

[Owen] Hello, everybody.
Here we are. Da!

OK. Thank you. Hi.

You like my...

- Another date night for the Rowans.
- Lame.

I think it's cute, the way they
keep the torch of married love alive.

What's he got on? Six shooters
and spurs or is he Robin Hood again?

[Laughing] It's toned down
from last month.

- Uh, tail coat and a top hat for him.
- Mmm. Yeah, sounds mad discreet.

- And for, uh... What's her name again?
- Alison.

Right. A, uh, slutty,

super-sexy cocktail dress.

Oh, hey, buddy.
Come on, have a drink with us.

I'm good. You guys do your thing.

You sure? All right, buddy.
Do our thing.

- Hey, lkey.
- Hi, great. Go get 'em, Pythagoras.

- [Knocking]
- Hey, Ralphie.

Come on out. We got company!

- [Knocking]
- Ralphie, come out.

You really gonna play
this whole thing out?

Oh, uh, he does this every now
and again. Don't worry, he'll appear.

- Ralphie?
- [Phil] What's the racket down there?

Hey, Phil, is Ralphie around?

I heard him come in. But he
might've gone back out for smokes.

Wow. You guys are seriously bent.

Whoa, this is no laughing matter.

OK, Ralphie has tried
to quit many times before.

Big Tobacco's really got
their claws in that raccoon.

Oh, did you hear that?
I think Ralphie might be home.

Ralphie, is that you?

[Rasping voice]
What do you want, Latekka?

Come say hi. We got a visitor.
[As Ralphie] Leave me alone!

- He gets a little cranky.
- [Aubrey laughs]

Dude, would you just... Don't be rude.
Come out for two seconds.

[As Ralphie] I'm tired, all right?
It's been a long day.

Who is the babe, though? Very hot.

No wonder Nick Garrett's
got a thing for her, huh?

See that? There really
is a talking raccoon.

I believe it's time
to cash in on my winnings.

- Wow, really?
- What?

What was that Ralphie said
about Nick Garrett?

What? Uh, I dunno. He's drunk.

- So that's what this is all about.
- What?

Somewhere, in the frozen tundra
of your brain,

you think getting with me
is gonna bother Nick, right?

And the very idea
of that makes you feel tall?

- No, that... that's not what this is.
- Isn't it, though?

That this is... all about that?

So, what if it is?

Now that you're here...

I'm here because I'm 23 and I'm stupid.
What's your excuse?

Hey, Ralphie, you seem like a nice guy.

You can do better
than Casa-no-good, over here.

Thanks for nothin', pal.

[Alison] Can I get
two champagne cocktails?

- Comin' up.
- Thank you.

- I left you a message.
- I know.

- And, uh, you never called back.
- I, uh... Things were hectic.

- See you Tuesday?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great dress.

- Hey.
- [Laughs] Hello, Mr. Eichorn.


[Hannah] Thank you.

You said you had news.

- I got a job... at the Doof.
- You told me.

Right. I know...
You know. I told you.

I'm really sorry about my dad.
I swear, I had no idea.

- But about Sam...
- Yeah?

Look, I completely respect you
being protective over him

and I would not want to offend that.

But... something slipped out
the other day,

something that Sam
said and... about...

...his peanut allergy.

Sure, Sam has a peanut allergy. So?

So, all the men in my family
have peanut allergies,

which are kinda rare and considering
the math on when I left town...

- You are unbelievable.
- A 60 percent chance

of nut allergies originating
from a genetic inheritance.

Which means what? He's your son?

I just think that's kind of rare.

- Not that rare.
- Yeah, it is.

- No, it's not.
- One percent of the population,

three million Americans have it.

- Excuse me, everyone!
- What are you doing?

Can I see a show of hands
for everyone with a nut allergy?

Will you please sit down?

- [Man] What'd she say?
- Can we talk like adults, please?

I'm serious! Put them up.
I know you're out there.

[Nick whispering] Oh, my God.

- You got a peanut allergy too?
- Maybe.

See? It's not that rare.

Good night, Nick, and goodbye.


Gavin Goddard.
That is Sam's father's name.

He was a philosophy major at Harvard.
I met him a month after you left

at a pub in Boston.

He had a goatee and a tattoo
of the Notorious B.I.G. On his back.

You want more details?
How about this one?

I did it because I knew, in my bones,
that you were never coming home to me.

Are you satisfied?

[# Poison: Every Rose Has Lts Thorn]


- What happened to the brunette?
- Eh, she wasn't an animal person.

What's up with lkey?

Don't know.
He was hittin' it pretty hard tonight.

- Want me to drag him outta here?
- No need.

Spent plenty of nights in that booth.
Find his way home when he wakes up.

- Buy one for the house?
- Certainly.

I've always said,
Eddie, as shady as it may be,

ya gotta admire a guy who conjures up
a talking raccoon to impress the ladies.


Think maybe what I gotta work on is the
type of ladies I'm trying to impress.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.


- Night, Janet.
- Night.

[Sighs] Here you go, pal.

[Eddie] Uh...

Maybe sometime you want
to come and meet Ernesto,

the singing Koala bear
who lives in my attic?

Are you asking me out, Eddie?

I don't know. I guess.

Just think about it.

Tell you what... I'll think about it.

- Night.
- Night.