Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 5, Episode 7 - Teachable Moments - full transcript

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

Patient suffered closed
comminuted fracture to left radius.

Hey. How'd it go with broken nose guy?

Cunt! Cunt, whore, bitch, slut!

She forgot to schedule two nurse shifts.

Hell, she even named me
chief without telling anyone.

All right, what do you want?

I want to know in a life-death business

that we're all here.

I'm sorry, I think I'm a little nervous.

All you gotta do is meet me halfway, okay?



You look pretty.

Okay, back in an hour. Lunch.

With the handsome cop

who just happens to be
standing right over there?

- Hi.
- Hey.

- I thought I was meeting you there.
- Yeah, you were.

Here's the thing... they called me down

to the South Street Seaport, so I'm sorry.

- And you came down here just to cancel?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna cancel with a text message?

What am I, a 14-year-old?

- You'll give me a rain check?
- Yeah, okay.

Good. I have to go fight crime.

Yes, you do.



He canceled in person.
That's a really good sign.

- And you're still pretty.
- I know.

I'm gonna go see if Eddie's free.

Holy shit.

Well, it breaks up the day.

Fire in the hole!

Yeah, that's Mr. Collins,

my psych patient.

Akalitus was supposed to get
him a security escort upstairs.

Guess she forgot.

No!

- All right, watch it.
- Fuck you guys!

Hmm.

I've had dreams like this.

What a mess.

Well, I'm on lunch. How can I help?

Uh, you can start to sweep.

I gotta log every one of these
pills before I throw it out.

Nobody move.

It's kind of pretty.

Nothing around here is ever pretty.

Thank you.

Patient presented with a compound fracture

of the left fibula.

"Patient presented with
a compound fracture..."

Gauze.

Gauze, please.

Lidocaine.

Today.

- Give me one second.
- It should already be ready.

I got it.

What's with the tap-out?

I'll talk to her. She'll be fine.

Don't worry about it.

- Sutures.
- You know, Marta's a temp.

She doesn't know where everything is.

Well, then, she needs to
figure it out, now doesn't she?

Uh, did anybody ever tell
you you have a nice smile?

- No.
- Hmm.

So, what, you don't think I'm nice?

Well, personally I do very
well with cranky people.

Some of my favorite people
are cranky... my grandfather,

my mom's dog,

Jackie.

And now you're putting me on that list.

We'll see.

Jackie, what are you doing?

I'm helping.

Are you sure you're okay
standing on a carpet of narcotics?

Well, I know I'm only in
my first year of recovery,

but it was my understanding that unless
you actually ingest them, you're fine.

- What a mess.
- So, um, you said

you were gonna get an escort
for that psych patient.

Got a lot going on today.
It must have slipped my mind.

You forgot, which is fine.

But that's kind of been
happening a lot lately.

Do you think maybe you
should talk to a doctor?

I work in a hospital, Jackie.
All I do is talk to doctors.

You know, I'm just gonna say it.

Is it Alzheimer's? Is that
what we're dealing with?

Let's not jump off the cliff.

It's getting dangerous.
She's not talking about it.

She's obviously not
doing anything about it.

It could be other things...
brain tumor, liver toxicity.

Ah, I feel so much better.

If we could get her to take a blood
test, we might get some answers.

Yeah, good luck with that.

I just tried to talk to her
about it and she stonewalled me.

- She'll never give a blood test.
- Maybe in her sleep?

Hmm.

Six pills went missing after the cleanup.

Uh-oh, you know what that means.

Mandatory blood testing

for everyone in and out of this room.

Protocol.

Patient suffered closed comminuted fracture

to left radius.

- Hey, you.
- So I'm standing under a sign

that says "South Street Seaport."

This guy comes up to me and says,

"Where is the South Street Seaport?"

Knuckleheads. Stay inside.

The city is teeming with knuckleheads.

And you called to tell me that?

No, I just... I feel bad about canceling.

Tell me how I can make it up to you.

- Uh, bring me back a hot pretzel.
- You got it.

One hot pretzel coming up.

Wait a minute, it's not gonna be
hot by the time I get it to you.

Well, I'm sure we can heat it up.

I actually just said that.

Ugh, I'm sorry.

Don't you be sorry.

I'm gonna call you soon, all right?

All right, bye.

This is weird.

- Okay.
- "Okay."

- Okay.
- "Okay."

- You're a slut.
- "You're a slut."

- You're a bitch.
- Oh, my God.

- You're such a bitch.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, mama!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

You're a cunt!

Oh, my God.

What's up, Zoey?

I have a sex tape.

Not of me, of Coop.

- And he's saying really dirty things.
- Jesus.

- What are you bringing it here for?
- Take it!

- I don't want it.
- I don't want it either.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,

sorry, sorry, sorry I am late.

I hate that. So...

Allison.

Allison. What's up?

I'm feeling really, really crappy.

- Crappy how?
- Achy...

stomach hurts, sharp pain in my side.

Achy, right.

Temperature's elevated. 102.

Don't worry, Allison,
we'll figure this out.

Right, Dr. Roman?

Yeah, there is a bug going around.

Take some Advil.

If the cramps get really bad,

grab some over-the-counter antacids.

Upside of the flu... skinny jeans tomorrow.

I think we might be missing something here.

Right, of course.

So, plenty of fluids...

Ah! Ah!

Appendicitis? Classic.

No, I think it's just the flu.

Let's check it out.

Get her a CT scan of the right
lower quadrant and call the OR.

Saving lives and taking names.

What?

Okay, you're a slut.

- You're a bitch.
- Shit, shit!

Okay, that wasn't me.

I mean, it was me, but...

I don't talk to women that way.

She had flash cards.
- She... I'm not following.

Okay, I was minding my own
business, doing dictation.

Dr. Roman came into my
office with flash cards.

The first one said, "Take
your pants off," so...

Okay, stop. Stop talking.

It's not my fault. She
was telling me what to do.

See, that's the problem.

You should be telling her what to do.

You saw what happened. She
missed the fucking appendicitis.

I'm shocked that got recorded.

Really? Zoey's not gonna
be able to sleep for a week.

- I'm so embarrassed.
- Are you embarrassed enough

to get your fucking head out of your ass?

How many times do we have to have
this conversation before you get it?

Okay, you're right. What
do you want me to do?

Well, maybe if you stopped fucking
her and started teaching her,

we all might be better off, including her.

Thank you.

Thirsty?

I just got notice that there
is a mandatory drug test.

I was only in the pharmacy for a minute.

So they're gonna find out
you're diabetic, right?

Let's just say that I went out

with a 23-year-old
dancer-slash-mime last night.

- Okay.
- No, not okay. A mime?

More of a Mummenschanz
type... it doesn't matter.

Let's just say that he
hypothetically offered me a joint

and let's just say that I hypothetically

got baked, okay?

I didn't even smoke in college.

And now I could lose my job?

This is why I don't go out.

Thor, please stop.
Everything is gonna be fine.

That's what people always say right
before everything turns to shit.

Listen, we need to run Akalitus's blood,

find out about her memory issues.

So you save Akalitus, but
you throw me under the bus.

- You always liked her better.
- Oh, please take it easy, Thor.

We know how to lose a blood specimen.

Trust me.

Jeez, look at those sharp military corners.

Oh.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Oh, Dr. Prentiss,

I did not see you standing there.

- I don't do hugs.
- It's a gesture.

I don't believe in gestures.

Um... yes, you do.

Respect, Doctor.

Are you crying?

I have my eyelashes put on individually

and sometimes they come loose.

It's a fucking mess.

That patient could have died.

Jesus.

I feel bad enough.

I'm not sure you do.

Look, we're not gods.

We don't always get it right.

But that one was pretty close.

"Madeline."

- Excuse me?
- You know, "Madeline."

It's a kids' book. French orphan.

Red bob, cute hat.

Yeah.

She had her appendix out.

It's the first medical
thing any little girl learns.

And I missed it.

Carrie, can I just ask...

why do you want to be a doctor?

Do yourself a favor. Don't answer now.

Things have to change if
you're going to stay here.

You have to get better.

I'm not letting anybody die
because you're distracted.

So from now on, I am going to
teach and you are going to learn.

Okay.

Give me your phone.

- What?
- Your phone.

I'll put it in airplane mode.

Pay attention.

- Watch what I do.
- Okay.

Thank you, Dr. Prentiss.

So generous.

- Hey, thanks.
- Thanks.

Thanks, Doc.

Sugar-free vanilla decaf, extra foamy.

Close enough.

This is really nice of you.

So I bought everyone coffee today, huh?

As a gesture. And you owe someone $43.65.

- Hey, thanks for this.
- Coffees down, people.

Critical gunshot wound. Three minutes out.

NYPD cop shot.

- Where are they coming from?
- Where?

South Street Seaport.

He's got two wounds...

one thoracic, one to the groin.

- Dr. Prentiss, you're gonna need backup.
- Page Dr. Cooper.

Get the sprained ankle out
of the hallway into a bay.

Dr. Cooper to Trauma. Dr. Cooper to Trauma.

We need all visitors to return
to the waiting room, please.

We have to clear out this area.

And call Radiology, let them
know we got a cop coming in.

Call the lab.

We need a stat type and cross
as soon as the guy gets here.

- And get me some O neg blood down here.
- Yeah, it's on its way.

Where is he working?

It's not him. I can feel it in my gut.

- It's not.
- Zoey.

Oh, pick up. Please pick up.

Please pick up. Please pick up.

Hey, you've almost reached Frank Verelli.

Leave a message. I'll get back to you.

Hi, uh, Frank. It's Jackie.

Can you do me a favor and give me a call

when you get this message, please?

Uh... yeah. My phone is on, okay?

Thanks. Please call.

30 seconds out.

- What's his name?
- Donnie Wallace.

Two entry wounds, no visible exit wounds.

No known allergies to medications.

Dispatch has already called his wife.

BP's 100/palp. He's been in and out.

Lost him once in the
truck, but got him back.

Okay, on my count. One, two, three.

I got the leg. Dr.
Cooper, you get the chest.

Hey, Donnie, I need you to
stick with us, sweetheart, okay?

Call X-ray. We need a
STAT portable chest now.

His wife is on the way.

Absent breath on the left
side with tracheal shift.

- Chest tube.
- You hear that, Donnie?

- Your wife is on her way.
- Fuck me.

Bullet may have torn
through the femoral artery.

First thing you're gonna see when
you open your eyes is your wife,

and she is gonna be so happy.

- BP's dropping.
- He's bleeding out.

Can't see anything. Gotta
open him up. Scalpel.

We can't do that here. We need to
stabilize him, get him upstairs.

I'm not gonna let him die
on the elevator. Scalpel.

Retractor.

Shit. The artery's split.

I need 10 seconds of stillness.

I need five first.

- Okay, go.
- Okay, everybody, hands off.

I can't get it. Fuck.

I can't get a grasp.

I got it.

- You good?
- Good enough. Let's get him to the OR.

Hey, do we... do we know anything yet?

Our best doctor is with him.

Hopefully it won't be much longer.

Did you want...

All right, they got the best they got.

Okay.

Officer Wallace is out of surgery.

He has a pneumothorax

and a large pulmonary contusion on the left

and the thoracic cavity
was punctured by the...

Can I hold that for you?

Donnie will be in the hospital for a while.

Then we're gonna move him on to rehab.

But let me tell you something.

He's made of some strong stuff

and I guarantee you he
will walk out of here.

Thanks, Doc.

Thank you.

Okay.

Officer, do you have a minute?

Okay. It's okay.

I'm fine, okay? All right?

It wasn't me, okay?

Jack, I wouldn't do that to you.

Oh, man.

He wasn't wearing his vest?

Yeah, it was stuffy as hell in there.

So he took off his bulletproof vest?

I've done it.

Do not tell me that.

Okay. I will try not to do it again.

No, don't try. Don't do it.

I don't know.

I kind of like it when you worry about me.

I get off in an hour.

Yeah, you don't understand.

Let me tell you what's gonna happen.

We're gonna hang around here
for a little while longer

till we decide it's time to go to the bar

and get shitfaced.

I'm gonna have about five
beers, then I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna wanna come over

and I'm gonna wanna sleep with you.

That's not the way I want it
to happen between us, okay?

So don't pick up the phone,

no matter how many times I call.

How many times are you gonna call?

I'm gonna call a lot,

so don't pick up the phone.

Okay.

- I'm serious.
- Me, too.

I'm not interested in hearing about

all the disgusting things that
happen when cops get hammered.

Hey, you and me, we got
a good thing going here.

And I don't wanna fuck
this up with 11 beers in me.

You just went from five beers
to 11 in about 30 seconds.

See what I mean?

Okay, baby. All right.

Hey, what doctor saved Donnie?

Over there. He's a hugger.

- Hey, Doc.
- Yeah.

Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Um...

Um, okay.

Okay, all right.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Well, that was pretty awesome, right?

I mean, the rush of saving a life.

I felt it today.

I felt what it feels like to be a doctor.

You are really full of shit.

Um...

you asked why I want to be a doctor.

I'm trying to answer your question.

You know how you answer that question?

By trying.

By trying with a lady with the cramps

and the guy with the fucked-up feet.

You start trying to treat people,

and maybe there's an
answer to that question.

Maybe there's not.

- That's up to you.
- You're talking a lot.

Because I want you to
learn something every day.

And if I do my job right,

I am going to teach you something.

So it's not just about you, okay?

Wait.

Wow, I totally forgot you had this.

Ah, drug test time.

My future is on the line

and you have the nerve to smile.

Your boys better lose that specimen.

Relax. I got your back.

Gentlemen, I know this is
somewhat of an inconvenience.

I appreciate your cooperation.

It's nothing.

I don't know about you
guys, but when it's over,

I'm going outside and smoking
myself a big fat doobie.

Sorry. I was counting pills all day.

Whoa, hold the door. Hold the door.

Aha. Thank you.

Jackie, everything gonna be okay upstairs?

- 11 months and counting.
- Good.

Stop miming.

I'll never tell you anything again.

And we have more information

on the NYPD officer who was shot today.

Doctors at All Saints Hospital
upgraded Officer Donnie Wallace

from critical to serious condition.

He's expected to make a full recovery.

Wallace is the third
officer in the area shot

in the past 10 days...

and that's not counting
a patrolman shot last week

who died this morning, leaving
behind a wife and infant son.

- Ahem, hello?
- One, two, three.

♪ Oh, life could be a dream, sh-boom ♪

♪ If I could take you up to
paradise up above, sh-boom ♪

♪ If I could tell me I'm
the only one that you love ♪

♪ Life could be a dream, sweetheart ♪

♪ Hello, hello again ♪

♪ Sh-boom, I'm hopin' to meet again ♪

♪ Life could be a dream... ♪

I told you not to pick up the phone!

♪ If I could take you up
to paradise up above... ♪

Shake your badges!

♪ If you would tell me I'm
the only one that you love ♪

♪ Life could be a dream, sweetheart ♪

♪ Hello, hello again ♪

♪ Sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again... ♪

It's my first beer, I swear!

♪ Sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again... ♪

♪ Hello, hello again. ♪