Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 4, Episode 5 - One-Armed Jacks - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

What do you want? I lied.

I went to rehab. I did good.

Let's just move on.

Kids, they break your
heart with a text message.

10 words. Efficient.

Things still really
rough with your dad?

I haven't really seen him.
Staying on his boat, though.

Got you a sandwich.

Thanks.

What do these do?



They're painkillers.
They kill pain.

How many did she take?

She took a lot.

Hey, guys. Time to wake up.

Guys, come on. Up and at 'em.

I made fucking cartoon pancakes.

Clearly.

And you did this why?

I didn't remember the
girls were at Kevin's

until I walked into their room.

Come on, please don't
make me waste these.

Here, wait, look.
This guy's a snake.

So, too, were these.

God, what is wrong with me?



Making breakfast for
kids who aren't even home.

I mean, you would think I'm on
something. I'm not on anything.

Why are you living in a closet?

Builders will be out in a month,

and then I won't have
to hole up here anymore.

God, I'll miss you.

You and your shoes
will be reunited very soon.

You will live. I'll live.

I won't live well.

You always live well.

Pancake, please.

So, I was thinking
of doing something,

but I wanted to
run it by you first

'cause I didn't want
it to be a secret.

Don't be mad, but I'm... I
think I'm gonna call Kevin.

Disaster.

I just want to let
bygones be bygones.

Disaster. We can
just have lunch.

No, disaster, disaster.

His eye is a chocolate chip.

Come on, I can...

You're five minutes clean.

You can't be making
decisions like this.

He would take me back in
five seconds if I asked him.

You know that. I'm just saying.

I'm gonna call him.

Let's just hold our horses.

Too late. Hi, Kevin.

Hi, I was...

I don't believe you're doing it.

Wondering if you wanted to...

I do not believe
you're doing it.

Have lunch, okay?

Do me a favor, call
me back. Bye-bye.

Insane. Insane.

What have we here?

Is this a cigarette
I see before me?

I have not smoked since
the Carter administration.

This new job is making me
seriously reconsider that decision.

Why are you dressed like that?

When in Rome... Not in Rome.

Oh, I'm picking up some
extra shifts uptown at St. Luke's.

Those nurses are styling.

Trying to save up some money,
so I can move out of my mom's.

Somebody's gonna rip
those hoops right out.

Mm-mmm.

Check it.

"Wanted, roommate."

Gonna hang these up
around the hospital today,

see if I can find somebody to go

splitsies with me on a phat pad.

You need a roommate, Gloria? No.

Beautiful morning, huh?

So pretty, yes.

Gloria, how's the
recertification coming?

It's coming, Dr. Cruz.

This Kombucha stuff tastes
like a sparkling vinaigrette.

What's with the hoops?

Someone's gonna
tear those right out.

Ha!

I know!

Ha!

I'm dropping a morale
bomb on the troops today.

Nice.

Uniform scrubs on the nurses.

Ooh. Dress code. Hmm.

I'll tell you right now,
that is not gonna fly.

Mm-hmm. Got your
ear to the ground, huh?

Always.

Part of the reason I value you.

New scrubs come in today.
They need to go out on the floor.

Look, I know these nurses.
They are gonna be pissed.

It's not a question
of personal taste.

Patients need to know who does
what the minute they walk in here.

Trust me, I don't relish
the role of a villain.

Hey, they know me,

they trust me,
they'll listen to me.

Let me break it to them.

I'd appreciate that.

You know what I've
noticed about you? What?

You're the most self-effacing
doctor I've ever met.

You make everyone feel as
if they know more than you.

Blessing and a curse.
Double-edged sword.

Sharp.

We got a jumper. You want it?

Ooh, mmm. Blah.

Twenty-seven-year-old male.

Took a lover's leap off
the 59th Street Bridge.

Police tried to talk him
down. Girlfriend is DOA.

Coming through.

Arms are here, his and hers.

They handcuffed them
together. Impact tore them off.

Sam, get those out of here.

Here, get a hold of somebody.

On my count. One, two, three.

Ow, ow, ow.

What was that?

Shit. It's my shoulder.

I'm fine. Let's... Switch
sides with me. I'm all right.

What, are you gonna
tell me to get off the floor?

Absolutely not.

Does he have a
name? Timothy Banks.

He's gonna need a transfusion.

Hey, Timothy. You okay?

You're at All Saints.
There you go.

You're alive in
there. That's good.

Hey, blue eyes. Open them up.

You're okay. We'll
take care of you, okay?

Very good.

Jackie.

Jumper's mother.
I've been trying for

10 minutes to explain
what happened.

I am not getting through.

Tell her it's critical. She's
got to get her ass down here.

I did.

Her name is Eileen.

Hello, Eileen Banks? Yes.

Hi, my name is Jackie. I'm
calling from All Saints Hospital.

I'm sorry, but your son
Timothy has been in an accident.

Does he know where the cat
food is? Did he feed the cat?

Ask him if he fed the cat.

Okay, that's not good.
Should I try her again?

No, we'll get somebody else.

Eddie, I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm just
sorry about all of this.

I kept trying to
figure out the right

way to say that
to you, and I just...

I'm not very good
at this, you know.

You should be
using heat, not cold.

I'm just trying to
get numb, Eddie.

Just trying to get numb.

Like a Hydra monster.

Cut it off, it just grows back.

You drink the whole bar?

Just trying to get numb, baby.

You came in with that black eye,

I felt so horrible.

Yeah, well,

it didn't feel so good from
my end of things either.

Great. All right.

Thank you. All right.

Oh, my God.

Whoa, did I just hit
you? No, it's all right.

You caught my eye.
Eddie, I'm so sorry.

Can I see?

No, just get out
of here. It's okay.

I'm so sorry. All
right. It's all right.

Sorry. Mm-hmm.

Oh.

It's not you, Lenny. It's me.

Oh, no. Hold the phone.

That's breakup talk.

No one's breaking up.

I've asked you to
move in a million times.

And I've told you a
million times that I'm

saving up money to
move out of my mom's.

Which is why you should move in.

Zoey bird needs
to spread her wings.

I thought you were a cowboy.
"Wanted, dead or alive."

Is this what you
people do all day?

Discuss your personal bullshit?

Those posters are absurd.

Ha! Absurd? Ha!

Ooh, someone got hit.

Talk later?

Zoey Barkow. This is Mike Cruz.

Oh, hi.

Saw your posters.

Oh, wow. Do you need a roommate?

Down. Take them down.

Take them down or
take them down a notch?

Come on, work
with me here? Sorry.

Zoey, you're a bright
and beautiful girl.

Don't put your phone
number on walls.

Yes, sir. Won't happen again.

Better not. Or I'll have to unleash
the God of Thunder on you.

You gonna bring the
hammer down, Thor?

I've always hated my
name until this very moment.

Man, I've seen some shit before,

but two severed arms
with handcuffs, really?

Frankly, the whole
thing was just traumatic.

That's why they
call it "trauma."

Oh, look. The bionic
woman, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, Jackie.

I'm fine.

How's that kid Timothy?

Still in the OR.

Hey, Thor.

Jackie time.

Can you cover for me? I'm
meeting my husband for lunch.

You needed to close
the curtain to ask me that?

How do I look?

Oh, lunch.

Can you help me with this?

On your face?

No. Do you know
what this color is called?

666. How long have
you had this lip-liner?

I don't know.
Why? Did it go bad?

Can you do
something? What is that?

Concealer.

Sometimes I break out.

You do not. Your
skin is perfect.

Exactly.

All right. Thank you.

Jackie Peyton? Are
you Jackie Peyton?

I'm... Yes.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

I'm sorry.

Okay, why are you sorry?

You've been served.

Excuse me?

That's someone who
wants to divorce you.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Kevin is... What is this?

I'm sorry. Oh, you're a nurse?

What? Yes.

Is this something I
should worry about?

What is this?

That's your finger.

Holy shit.

Thank you.

Hi, yes. Can I get a Jameson
on the rocks? Double, please.

Okay, stop, stop, stop. Hi.
I'm sorry. You can cancel that.

I will get another
ice tea, turkey club,

and pie, any kind of pie.
Bring the pie first, please.

Thank you.

Oh, pick up the phone,
you little shit, please.

This is Charlie. Leave
a message if you care.

Hi, Charlie. This is Jackie.

Listen, I am calling you,
and you have to call me back.

I am in trouble,
and I'm calling you

because I'm supposed to do that.

And what am I
doing? I'm calling a kid.

Okay, so I just get
served divorce papers,

I order a Jameson,
and I change my mind,

and now I'm calling
a 17-year-old boy.

Thank you. Thank
you for the pie.

Pie. I just ordered pie.

Call me back, please.

Maybe you shouldn't be on the
floor today with your shoulder.

Let it go, Zoey.

I'm just saying.

One hand tied behind your
back. You're not a magician.

Ah, shit. JACKIE:
Are you Mike Cruz?

What? Are you the
CEO of Quantum Bay?

No. Wait, what, what?

Who the fuck are you to be
telling me what to do, Zoey?

I'm on the floor.
I'm on the clock.

I'm doing my job. Butt out.

You don't have to be
in everybody's business

every fucking minute
of every fucking day.

Really? Have you met her?

You know what?
I'm not talking to you.

Oh, my God.

I've never felt this
tired in my entire life.

Hate to break it to you,
this is the easy part.

I've been a nurse
35 years. Recertified?

This is bullshit.

How many contact hours in
an academic quarter credit?

I'm a doctor, Gloria.

For actual
information, ask Jackie.

I have a present.

Your letter of
resignation, I hope.

Open your eyes.

Airplanes, too, but you
might be having a girl, so...

I'm not having a girl,
and I don't want it.

Take it back.

It's not really for
you. It's for the baby.

The baby who's a boy.

Awesome!

Coop, out.

Okay, here. Just
hold it up like that.

Oh, Jackie, nurses'
meeting, chapel, 10 minutes.

Go! Okay.

How was lunch?

He served me
with divorce papers.

A disaster, I know.

Jacks, I'm sorry.

If that fucking guy thinks
he's gonna leave me

eating alone with a
pile of divorce papers,

he's got another thing coming.

That is really adorable, though.

Itty-bitty piggy.

Behold!

The new All Saints duds.

Duds are right.

Okay.

I'd like this to be
an open forum.

What about different
colored pants and shirts?

Is it okay if I still
wear my scrubs?

This is optional, right?

No, no, and no, not optional.

No questions are
off-limits. Let her rip.

Yes, the gentleman in the back.

Why are you such a dick?

I am not a dick. How
many of you think I'm a dick?

Moving on.

Zoey!

Let's say you get thrown up on.

There will be extras.

You know my overtime's
been cut in half.

That's not really what
this meeting is about.

This is a terrible meeting.

It's a forum.

Dr. Cooper, I've recently
made the transition into scrubs.

Now I have to transition
into different scrubs?

Yes.

Why are you
messing with us, man?

And why are you
the one telling us this?

Is Dr. Cruz making
you do his dirty work?

You're missing the point.

Tell Cruz we said no.

They come in all sizes.

Make sure you take
one on your way out.

Thirty-two-year-old woman,
ped struck by a bicyclist,

24 weeks pregnant.
Handlebar clipped her stomach.

Texting while walking
in the bike lane.

Don't you dare blame her.

Right-side abdominal pain.

She's got some spotting.
Hypertensive 88 over 50.

I'm gonna take this one. What?

I'll take it, end of story.
Sam, you're on this.

Let's do it. Yup.

Timothy, honey. Are you awake?

Hey. Hi, I'm Jackie.

I'm the nurse that treated
you when you came in.

I tore out my shoulder with you.

I'm wondering if there's
anybody you'd like us to call,

anybody you'd like to have
come in here to see you?

Where's Jess?

Jess?

My girl.

She didn't make it, honey.

Everybody's gone.

Well, you're not.

You've got to take
care of yourself now.

She loved that bridge.

She said, "That's the
last place I want to be."

And I said, "Me, too."

I said, "Me, too."

Hey, quick update.

Ultrasound looks good.
Baby's heart rate is normal.

We're gonna keep her
overnight, but she's gonna be fine.

I'm not accustomed
to being bullied.

Oh, sorry I hurt your feelings.

It's an emergency
room. I am a doctor,

and I will do my job, and I
will do it until I go into labor.

I understand.

You had no right to dismiss
me simply because I'm pregnant.

That's not why I did that.

It most certainly is.

Eleanor.

Dr. O'Hara,
obstetrics is my field.

I'm better at it than you are.

I just am.

Look, I think that our patients

deserve the best
we have to offer.

Do you disagree?

Just one powerful man's opinion.

You're on your own with this
one. Those people are animals.

Fucking coward.
Pick up the phone.

Answer the goddamn
phone. Answer the phone.

Answer... Son of a bitch!

He's really leaving.
Can you believe it?

My husband, he's
not coming home ever.

He can't even call me back?

Can't tell me to
my face? Really?

Give me a Swedish Fish.

This is pretty impressive.

What, did you burn the edges
with a lighter or something?

How'd you get the sepia tone?

I soaked it in tea.

A little trick I picked
up in the fifth grade.

Well, it's pretty cool.

Thanks. I'm not talking to you.

If you need a place,
Zoey, I have a place.

I have a couch.

You mean live with you?

Until you find a
place, yeah, sure.

I will consider
this kind proposal.

Yes! No!

You touch me, you are homeless.

Tums. Something.
Anything antacid-wise.

My last pack.

Well, my lucky day.

Your lucky day.

Hey, Coop. What's the matter?

I was just thinking.

Oh, Jesus, that bad, huh?

You think I'd be a good dad?

You get a girl pregnant? No.

God, no way.

You know how there's some guys
who want to pass on their DNA?

I'm like the opposite.

I mean, the kid would
be good-looking,

but the ticks, the freaking
out over everything,

it's a vicious cycle. I
wouldn't wish it on a dog.

Nope. The line stops here.

Right here.

Well, good talk.

Hey.

You think she'll be a good mom?

Who, O'Hara?

Yeah. She's having a boy.

Yeah, well, she'll be great.

I bought him a present.

He's not even born yet.

I know.

But when am I ever gonna
have another baby in my life?

You're not having a baby,
Coop. O'Hara's having a baby.

Yup.

And that kid's gonna
like me. Count on it.

Jackie.

Oh, there you are.

Dude, sorry about
the divorce thing.

That blows. I've been
through a couple myself.

Yeah, thanks. Did you use?

'Cause divorce, you
know, that's like a freebie.

That's a green light.
Just tell me you used.

No, Charlie, I did not use.

Where are you? Oh, you know me.

Cuddled up in a dark place.

You okay?

I miss my closet in rehab.

You know, on nights like this,

I just like to curl
up in a dark corner

with a gallon of Manischewitz
and some Halloween candy.

You know what I wish?

What?

We could have gotten
wasted together, just once.

All right, this is not
a good conversation.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. You know.

So what about you? You
really worried me the other day.

Look at you worrying about me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do me a favor, would you?

Would you keep on worrying?

It makes me feel like
someone's out there.

Someone is, Charlie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I'm lifting off here,
Cracker Jack. Got to fly now.

Charlie, wait. Hello?

Hello?

What's up? Jesus Christ!

Scare you? What...

How the hell did
you get in here?

Extra set.

Don't you dare drive this car.

Wouldn't dream of it.

Strictly for breaking
and entering.

Hand them over.

So, what, you just
appear these days?

On the boat, in my car?

What's going on?

Been a while.

Thought maybe you'd want
to see a movie, get a meal...

You know, some
father-and-son shit.

Yeah, right. So how much
do you need? 500? 1,000?

Nothing. Don't worry about it.

May I?

This was my daughter's
lighter, by the way.

Nip it in the bud.

I'm surprised you didn't start a
mutiny about the new uniforms.

I'm just trying to
be sober, Gloria.

Heya, roomie.

We're taking a cab, my treat.

What have I done?

I can't wait to see your place.

You've seen my place.

Not without a dead guy in it.

I should warn you,
by all accounts,

I'm not an easy
person to coexist with.

Jackie, please. This is some
Laverne and Shirley shit.

This is the bridge
they jumped from.

I know.

There's always pizza.

Okay. I thought I had more.

Hey, no worries.

I haven't had a
chance to go shopping.

I'm easy-peasy here. You know?

What about pancakes?

I can make pancakes.

Pancakes for dinner. Oh, my God.

Really? That's... It's good?

I literally didn't even
know that was possible.

Oh, great. Okay.

Let me just get her
started over here.

I'm good at it. One
of my specialties.

Pancakes make me want to dance.

It's something you should know
about me. I'm not even kidding.

When I make them for the girls,

sometimes I make
them into little shapes,

like little snakes and things.

Really? You're good with shapes?

So shapes are good? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Okay, Zoey. I get it.

Zoey's happy.

Okay, good. Good, Zoey.

Okay.