Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 1 - Game On - full transcript

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

- Honey!
- Mommy!

I thought I'd swing by the
hospital today, take you out to lunch.

Ugh, today's awful.
Can I take a rain check?

It's been raining
a lot lately.

Eddie, my back is killing me.

- For the pain.
- Oh, thank you.

- How are we on time?
- We're good. Just don't get fancy.

Family at home,
boyfriend at work,

making it back in time to be with
husband... pretty impressive.

Who is luckier than me?



Everything's
on your terms, Jackie.

"Eddie, my back hurts."

Keep your fuckin' pills.
I don't need it.

- I don't need any of it.
- Good.

Ladies, this is Sam.

You know I dismissed him because
he was whacked out on benzos?

Maybe you don't wanna hire a
nurse who's an addict.

Former addict.

What is hospital policy
regarding drugs?

Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.

Whoa, why so desperate?

Do you wanna get
your ass kicked?

I'll give you a dollar
if you don't go to work today.

I think I need
to be with her.



Let me take care
of her, okay?

- I got it.
- Okay.

- Hey, honey.
- Hey. Eddie. I'm a friend of Kevin's.

You lie to me again,
I tell him everything.

Eddie used to
give me some oxy,

you know, when it would
get really bad.

- Ow!
- Percocet?

Yes, please.

Lenny is clearly into me.

The heart wants
what the heart wants.

- You slept with my girlfriend.
- Yes, I did, my friend.

Fuck!

He's totally wasted.

We have to keep him awake
or he's gonna aspirate.

Why are you helping me?

It would mean the world if I could
set up a fund for the girls.

Take the money.
Get them an education.

You need to promise me that we're
not gonna take that money.

Okay, I promise.

- Have you seen your new school?
- Do I have a new school?

Please don't do this.

- Seriously, Kevin, please.
- Dad, where are you going?

Oh, Eddie, it's all
crashing down around me.

- You're gonna be okay.
- Well, you know me.

Anyone who knows you
knows they don't know you.

She give you a whole
song and dance about her back?

You can't believe
a word she said.

I don't know whose M.R.I.
You saw, but it wasn't hers.

- You're a drug addict.
- It's okay, Jacks.

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

Yeah, you know what?
You're fuckin' pathetic, both of you.

Hi, my name is Jackie.
I'm a drug addict.

Blow me.

♪ don't tell me not to live
just sit and putter ♪

♪ life's candy and the sun's
a ball of butter ♪

♪ don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade. ♪

♪ don't tell me not to fly,
I've simply got to ♪

♪ if someone takes a spill,
it's me and not you ♪

♪ who told you you're allowed
to rain on my parade? ♪

♪ I'll march my band out ♪

♪ I'll beat my drum ♪

♪ and if I'm fanned out ♪

♪ your turn at bat, sir ♪

♪ at least
i didn't fake it ♪

♪ hat, sir ♪

♪ I guess I didn't
make it. ♪

♪ get ready for me, love,
'cause I'm a comer ♪

♪ I simply gotta march,
my heart's a drummer ♪

♪ don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade. ♪

♪ I'm gonna live
and live now ♪

♪ get what I want,
i know how ♪

- ♪ one roll for the whole shebang...♪
- Kevin!

♪ one throw, that bell
will go clang... ♪.

- Kevin!
- ♪ eye on the target and wham... ♪.

- Where the fuck are you?
- ♪ one shot, one gunshot, and bam! ♪.

- Is she gone?
- That's a nice way to treat company.

O'Hara, really?

You couldn't handle
this yourself?

This isn't
about me, Jackie.

Here, take a look
at this stuff, Kevin.

Well, we've got razors,
fuckin' muscle relaxers.

Half the shit on here
is school supplies.

Look, Gracie's
ear-drops...

A hundred and ten
fuckin' dollars.

Unless you wanna buy the
generic crap, which I don't.

That's what this is.

I am not talking
about ear-drops.

Okay, we got
Ambien, Vicodin.

I don't fuckin' sleep,
Kevin.

My body is
falling apart.

What do you want from me,
for fuck's sake?

Call the cops.
Why aren't the girls here?

They're fine.

- I don't keep secrets, Jackie.
- Kevin, neither do I.

Bullshit!
The credit card.

Separate, not secret.
Separate.

Since when do I have to run every
little fuckin' thing by you?

When have we ever
done things like that?

When was the last time
you bought your own razors?

And you need a P.O. Box
to do all that?

You know what?
Here.

Here, take
the fuckin' key.

Answer the question,
Jackie.

Why do you need
a P.O. Box?

No, forget it.
Not gonna believe a word.

- Doesn't matter.
- No, it doesn't matter. You know why?

Because I keep
the house stocked.

That's my job because
you can't manage money.

And by the way, what
message are we sending Fi?

"I'm sorry, you're just not
quite as important as Grace.

"We have money for her
tuition, but not yours."

It's tuition, Kevin!
You find it!

I should never
have had to beg.

For God's sake, I sure as hell
shouldn't have to sneak around.

She is your daughter!
You know what?

From now on buy your
own fucking razors!

I'm getting my kids.

Hi, guys!

- Mom!
- Did you have fun?

- Yes.
- What did you have for dinner?

- Bacon and snoballs.
- Bacon and snoballs?

- Yippee!
- And, oh my God,

Aunt Tunie has a boyfriend
that's a pilot.

Can I steal you
a minute?

This is entirely
preemptive.

- There is nothing to be worried about.
- Already worried.

Don't be.

I've been doing this
for 20 years, Gloria.

Parts of my body
are giving out.

What are we preempting?

I started leaning
on painkillers.

It was a couple months,
totally self-corrected.

This doesn't have anything to do
with the Pill-o-matix, does it?

No no, not at all.
Nothing like that.

My husband opened
a credit card bill,

he saw the pharmacy
charges, that's it.

But he called O'Hara.

- Not good.
- No no no, not at all. Not for anybody.

I'm fine, but he should
not have called O'Hara.

Her family...
Like, drug addicts.

Like pump-your-stomach,
die-in-your-sleep drug addicts,

so she had
a disproportionate reaction.

My husband
feels like shit.

He had no clue what her deal
was when he called her.

I don't know what
you want me to do.

I don't know.
She might come in here.

And if she does, I would
just ask that you take.

Whatever she says with a
grain of salt, that's all.

Respect your sister,
but consider the source.

I'm not sure what
that means, but yes.

Jackie, if a co-worker
so much as raises.

The specter
of substance abuse,

I am required by law
to inform H.R.

That's just
the way it is.

- Fix it.
- Got it.

We knock, Dr. Cooper.

I'm not working with Sam.
He caused me bodily harm.

- Zoey and what's-his-name...
- Thor.

Yeah, whatever.
They're in admitting.

- I want Jackie.
- Let's do it.

Can I come in?

He wanted to see
his brain.

I bet you are five.

My name is Jackie.
Your name's Peter, right?

Wow.

It's up there good,
buddy.

Mustang, nice.

What happened
to your nose?

My friend Sam
didn't wanna share.

Mind if I give it
a little tug, hmm?

It's okay.

Nope, it doesn't
wanna come out.

It's lodged
in the sinus cavity.

Let's get a film
and call E.N.T.

I'm afraid
to mess with it.

Tried to look
at your brain, huh?

Done that.

Hey, Zoey, can you grab me
some surgical booties?

- You're kidding. Surgery?
- Huh? No.

Jeez, no.
New shoes.

I hate to scuff 'em up
on the first day.

You know what?
I can almost see it.

It looks like
a very smart brain.

You guys in a hurry?

All right, hang...
Hang tight a minute.

- Let's get him a scan.
- Nah, X-ray's okay.

X-ray's great, but he
wanted to see his brain.

Show him his brain.

Using my powers
for good...

Pretty tempting.

I like it a lot.

Hey, chief,
I got a great idea.

I've worked desperately
to cultivate a remote

and heartless persona
for this exact reason.

Well, no, actually,
it comes quite naturally.

Point being, I suddenly
am in the middle of something

terribly private between
Jackie and her husband.

- And you don't like it.
- Obviously.

And I would prefer that we
didn't work the same shifts.

After 20 years' experience
Jackie has earned the right

to make her own schedule.

There are very few perks
I can offer my nurses.

That's one of them.

So I've got to make
other arrangements?

If you feel strongly
about it, yes.

Do you think he's right
to be concerned?

- Not sure I follow.
- Pretty sure you do.

He called you.

I'll, uh, let you know
about the schedule.

The first lady...
fabulous, isn't she?

Totally.

Here you go.

Electrolytes,
trans-fat...

best hangover cure ever.

Thanks for not
narcing on me, man.

I'm on probation.

Are you seeing this?

God damn it.
What?

- Lenny and I had sex.
- Nope.

- Oh, ew!
- What?

Y'all's uptight.

That's all I'm sayin'.

He's a neat freak.
Never saw that coming.

'Cause I'm more of a...

let-it-all-hang-out
kind of partner.

Smooth like a gazelle,

a very satisfied,
sexy gazelle.

Who just rolled over

and wants a cigarette.

You don't get
to stifle me.

- Stifle away, ma'am.
- Oh, I will.

Listen up, people.

North General... gone.

St. Vincent's... gone.

Lenox Hill...
Chopping block.

Hospitals come and go,
but the sick and injured.

Keep getting sick
and injured.

Jackie, get over here.

Closings equal
diverted ambulances,

more walk-ins,
less insurance.

Bad on top of bad.

But there is
one bright spot,

even if it's just
my bright spot.

All those nurses
out of work,

10 years' experience,
20 years' experience...

There's a lot of talent
out on the street.

And I can pick 'em up
for a song, which means...

We got it.

I got a guy who ingested three pints
of purell and puked up his reglan.

So if you don't mind, I'm
just gonna deal with that.

No, no one's excused.

You have to be on your
game, all of you.

You will work the schedules
you signed up for.

And probation will
strictly be enforced.

Heads... will... roll.

If anybody finds out
that I slipped...

I've got an axe I can drop on
your head at any moment.

Why would I give that up?

20-year-old male,
witnessed alert,

crushed under a wall of
boxes... ton, ton and a half.

- It's gonna be okay, Tommy.
- Can you hear me, sir?

- Sir?
- I didn't know where he was.

I thought he was
taking a nap.

I'm a fuckin' idiot.

His eyes are moving around.

- That's good, right?
- He's in shock.

One, two, three.

That library...
What's it called?

The one that's closing.

We were packing it up, moving
things out to Kip's Bay.

I thought he was
taking a nap.

Mr. Finn? Hi.
I just wanted...

I keep thinking
there are no broken bones.

So it's not like he snapped
his neck or something.

No, but it's more the amount of
time he was under the boxes.

As soon as they freed him, toxins
were released into the bloodstream.

We haven't started on dialysis,
but we're never gonna...

For what?

Renal failure.
Kidneys.

We're trying to get him
to the O.R. right now.

- So we can get the bleeding to stop.
- I'm a fuckin' idiot.

Do I call his mom?

I need to get back
in there, okay?

We need to put you
on a ventilator, Mr. Finn.

Can you hear me?

Tommy, your mom's
on her way, okay?

Everything's going
to be all right.

- Respiratory failure.
- Yes, I can see that.

And there goes the heart.

I need a minute.

This is not survivable.

It's not.

It was finn & son
before I even had him.

That's the truth.

He isn't gonna die
before she gets here, is he?

No, he's on life support.

'Cause she will
fuckin' kill me.

It was like
an hour and half,

maybe two,

and I'm getting more and more
pissed 'cause I'm lugging boxes.

I'm thinking,
"where is he?

"Sleeping? Flirting?"

Anybody else... fired.

But he's my kid.

And he's not sleeping.

And he's not flirting.

He's pinned under
two tons of books.

It's my kid.

He made me lunch.

- Are you hungry?
- No, thanks.

Please?

Thank you.

You got kids?

You want to enroll her now?

- Is that a problem?
- No.

It's just that we usually have a
preliminary meeting with both parents.

Well, we already
did all that.

When we enrolled Grace.

- Second child discount, yes?
- Yes.

But we'd love to talk
with your wife.

She's not available.

E.R. nurse,
crazy hours.

From now on, I'd prefer
if you dealt with me.

Regarding the girls,
got it?

- Yes, but your wife...
- What, Sister?

My wife what?

Let's do this.

I can pay half
the tuition now.

There's an additional discount
if you pay the full amount.

Half... I can do half.

Split it up
between these three.

And I need to be made the
emergency contact for both girls.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Where is the paper tape?

- Here.
- Oh.

Okay.

- Teriyaki wrap?
- Uh...

Yeah yeah.
We probably...

We probably shouldn't
be sharing meals.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, excellent!
You're both here.

Yeah, no, actually Jackie
was just leaving and...

No. Here, this'll just
take a sec.

Guess how much
these shoes cost.

Come on, just give it
a good guess.

Absolutely not.

All I remember was being
really shit-faced.

And you and Jackie,
like, tap danced for me?

Yes yes, we did.

- Why?
- To punish you.

- Watch out!
- Oh my God.

You did not just mime
a smoking gun and holster.

Why won't you let me
talk to you.

About sexy time
with Lenny?

Because you call it
sexy time.

He's much more oral
than you'd expect.

Stop.

Sam, I have a
sensitivity question.

- About boy piercings.
- Balls or shaft?

- Don't encourage her.
- Shaft.

I should've let you die
when I had the chance.

- May I help you?
- I'm here to see Jackie Peyton.

- And you are?
- Her husband.

- Jackie's not married.
- Yes, she is.

Would you be
so kind as to.

Perhaps show me
some I.D.,

perhaps?

Very photogenic.

- $17.
- No. More, way more.

- $10,000.
- Okay, no. You're not even trying.

Jackie, your husband
is here to see you.

Low blow, Zoey.

No, come on, it's not like
anyone married you either.

Jackie is married,
you stupid fuckin' goat.

She is?

Wait, you are?
She is?

Shit, man!

I am having an "Aha" moment
like you can't even believe.

Now I get it.
She was into me.

- She was into Eddie.
- Zoey!

What? She was.

I highly doubt Jackie
does it with just anyone.

- Zoey!
- Dude! Dude!

- I could be wrong.
- Dude!

And the husband...
really good-looking.

Another brother's lady.

- Not cool, mister.
- You fucked Sam's girlfriend.

Clusterfudge.
I am out.

I can see why she keeps
him locked away.

Can you lip-read?

Mm, yikes.
Private.

Can you keep your
voice down, Kevin?

I had to show I.D.
'Cause no one around here.

Even knows you're
fucking married.

- God damn it, Jackie!
- What, Zoey?

Today is her first day, Kevin.

How the hell is she
supposed to know?

Jesus Christ.

I just laid out two grand...

For Fiona's tuition,
all right?

I'm paying
every penny... me.

- She starts Monday.
- Oh. Does she know?

Jackie, this is between
you and me, right here.

Rough day.

You broke my heart,
Jackie.

Hello? Is this...
Is this thing on?

Hey. Hello?

Hello?

Do you mind
if I give it a shot?

Tough crowd.

Hey, Pete, take a look
at this thing.

Holy cow.

Now you see that part
right over there?

That is your curiosity.
That is very highly developed.

You should be
very proud of that.

This part over here... oh, that
is why you are so popular.

That's the part where
all your coolness is stored.

And this part down here,
right on the bottom,

that is what we call
your common sense.

It looks to me, young man, like you
are going to be a very smart guy.

You think you can
handle that, Pete?

Are you sure?

That was awesome.

It was very nice
to meet you, Pete.

Honestly, Zoey, it's not
in my job description.

To keep track
of you people.

- What's going on?
- That was weird.

I asked where you were
and she bit my head off.

- Oh, she lost somebody.
- Oh.

Were you there?

Yeah.

- Go win it! Come on, go win it!
- Let's go, move it. Move it!

- Let's go, get that point!
- Tell 'em who's boss!

- Come on, bro!
- Yo, show me where you live.

Take care of business, Kev!

Hot dogs!

- Dad's at bat.
- Yeah. Go, Kevin!

Whoo, Kevin!
Whoohoo!

- Is this coke or Pepsi?
- It's whatever you want it to be, honey.

- Hey, Kevin, check out that gap.
- You can do it, honey.

Did you lose something?

Percocet, last one.

Mm.

Oh, come on, ump!

Come on!
That was high!

It's right here.

Neck spasms.

Thank you.

That shit'll kill ya.

- It's gone!
- That baby's gone, man!

- You gotta look for that one.
- Daddy!

♪ I love you, baby... ♪

♪ I love you, baby. ♪