Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 11 - Pill-O-Matix - full transcript
Jackie embarrasses her daughter by telling off another girl at mother-daughter tap class. An automatic pill dispenser replaces Eddie at the emergency room and leaves him hoping for a different kind of relationship with Jackie. Dr. Cooper, too, has fallen for Jackie after she kissed him. A well-known film critic is admitted with a broken arm, and Mo-Mo helps a young man with a spider trapped in his ear.
Previously on Nurse Jackie:
Ring, Jacks. Oh, God.
Oh, come on.
How are you gonna explain
the wedding ring to Kevin?
I will think of something.
You told Eddie I have a kid.
No. No, I didn't.
Yes, I did. I'm sorry.
Hey, Jackie. I want
you to meet someone.
Oh, hi. It's Melissa,
right? Yeah.
They're replacing
me with a Pyxis.
I need you to put in your two
cents with the board or whatever
that wants to put a
Pyxis in the pharmacy.
Shut up. We're getting a Pyxis?
Zoey walked in on me and Eddie.
And I kissed Coop.
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
Personally, I don't think God
punishes us. What about you?
♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, Na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
Are you helping
Mommy there, Grace?
Yes, she is.
You're very good
at this, sweetie.
Thanks.
You too, Fi.
I know.
Me and Fi are gonna run
an errand, aren't we, Fi?
You are?
It's secret.
You're going to the bank.
No, we're going to pick out...
Whoa. Fi. Easy.
Secret. But I really wanna tell.
I know, baby. It's very hard
to keep a secret, isn't it?
Okay. Beautiful.
You ready to tap, lady? Yes.
Okay. We'll see you later.
Okay. Have fun.
Thank you. Bye.
I wasn't gonna tell her.
Yes, you were.
I know.
Look at them. - I know.
My God, when
did they get so big?
I want another one.
Babies. Don't you miss babies?
No, not really.
Okay, here we go.
Now, kids, "Shuffle
Off to Buffalo."
Three to the right,
three to the left.
And the mothers joining in
on the toe, heel, toe, heel.
Four in a row, huh?
Okay, here we go.
And five, six, seven, and...
Kaitlyn, sweetie, just
make a little more space.
Good, Kaitlyn. Excellent.
Ginny, can you please ask
Kaitlyn to leave more space?
I'm sorry?
Here we go, toe,
heel, toe, heel.
Toe, heel, toe, heel. Hey.
Sweetheart,
spread out a little bit
so she's not running
into you, okay, sweetie?
The steps travel, Jackie.
If Grace isn't moving
on the step shuffle,
Kaitlyn's gonna bump into her.
That's just how
it goes. Heh, heh.
Hm.
I was gonna get it soldered. Mm.
But now I'm thinking diamond.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think you should
get your wife a diamond ring.
That's what I think.
Let's get her that one.
Ooh. This one is two carats.
It's 10 percent off.
And you have a great eye.
That's better than 10
carat, two percent off, right?
You know, I'm thinking,
in a perfect world,
less than a carat.
Only 'cause, uh,
she's not that fancy.
Yes, she is.
You're right, baby.
Mommy is very fancy.
No.
Let's get a bunch of them.
Or let's get one
really good one.
I like that one.
It's sparkly.
Me too.
Is this for her broken finger?
Yep.
Can it be from all of us?
Do you think it's fancy enough?
We'll take it.
We'll take it.
Great.
Kaitlyn, honey,
can you leave a little bit
of room for Grace? Thanks.
Mom, it's okay. I don't
care. I care, honey.
Please don't scold my daughter.
I'm just trying to take
care of my kid, that's all.
You're doing great, Kaitlyn.
We paid our 10
bucks just like you did.
Well, didn't you practice?
That's not very nice, Kaitlyn.
Okay, I told you
not to scold my child.
I asked your child to make
a little bit of room for my child
and I think I said please.
I don't think she practiced.
Have you always been
such a snot, Kaitlyn?
Mom, don't. You're
embarrassing her.
Fuck you.
Uh, is there a problem here? No.
She said the F. In a church.
I think it's best if...
Let's just get out of here.
We don't need this nonsense.
Having fun, fun in a tap
class, right? This is ridiculous.
I'm not having fun.
Let's take an art class
where you don't have
to wear stupid shoes.
You've all been furnished
with a PIN number.
Every medication
removed from the machine
will be traced back
to your number
and shortages will
not be tolerated.
Now... What did
you do to your finger?
I smashed it with a hammer.
You don't have to tell
me. I'm not going to.
Every interaction is stored
in the Pill-O-Matix's memory.
Wait. I thought we
were getting a Pyxis.
Same machine, half the price.
Pill-O-Matix is a
superior machine.
You're gonna love this
thing. I seriously doubt it.
Your shitty pill
dispenser is replacing me.
For the record, I feel like
it's totally inappropriate
to have this meeting
in front of Eddie.
Couldn't agree more. Thanks.
Do I keep going?
Once you've entered your PIN,
the touch screen will prompt...
How do you sleep at night,
putting someone
out of their job?
I hired Eddie
Walzer 10 years ago.
This is the saddest
day I've had.
If you want to try doing
my job, you go right ahead.
It is designed to manage
the flow of pharmaceuticals
and medical supplies
from the point of order...
Are you okay?
Fuck 'em.
How's your finger?
Oh. My kid taped
it. It's good, huh?
Yeah.
Don't worry. I don't
work here anymore.
Ed, please don't say that.
I am gonna miss
seeing you every day.
Please, I can't even...
I have a little something for
you, a going-away present.
Oh.
Oxy, baby.
For me, really? Mm-hm.
Eighty milligram tabs. Go easy.
I love you.
Love you more.
So you spend a lot of
time with Jackie, right?
Oh. Yeah.
We are really close.
She gave me this
penlight, actually.
Nice. She is nice.
I mean, not to you,
but, you know, to other people
who are more...
Doesn't that hurt?
What does she like?
Many things.
She likes gum and coffee.
And... EDDIE: Hey, Coop.
You forgot your
pager on my desk.
Oh, Jesus, thanks, man.
Here, put it in my pocket.
No, I'm good.
Cheers.
Does she have a boyfriend?
What?
Who?
Does...?
Is Jackie seeing anyone?
I think she's seeing someone.
But you're not sure.
Hm?
Hi.
Hey.
I was in the neighborhood.
Oh. Heh.
The next time
you tell the story,
don't say you got thrown out.
Say the brat's mother pulled
a gun on you or something.
It was awful. You should
have seen Gracie's face.
She turned bright red. I
thought she was gonna pass out.
Ugh, what a fucking mess.
Do I want to know how
you broke your finger?
Nope.
I'm just shocked. I thought
we were perfect together.
We are. We were.
I... You're... It's so
not you, I promise.
You're exactly my type.
I've dated a hundred of you.
Oh, my God, that's even
worse. No, it's a compliment.
Like, on Mars.
No, I-I'm trying to
say that you're perfect.
Then what is the problem?
I kissed someone else, okay?
And I felt something
I never felt.
You can see other people.
Uh, I don't want to
see other people.
It's... It's a focus thing.
And you want to focus on her?
Sort of.
If I walk away, I am
never coming back.
You know this, right?
I mean,
I'm willing to stick around
while you figure this out.
But if I go, that's
it. I'm gone.
Look, I'm a fucking mess.
You deserve someone
who's not... Holy shit.
You're gonna let me
walk away, aren't you?
Un-fucking-believable.
Oh, shit, that looks
like a breakup.
Oh, goody. Now he
can take you to the prom.
I kissed him.
Oh, my darling, what a wildly
entertaining mess you've made.
Go ahead. Get it
out of your system.
I hate you.
No.
Yes. And...
This too.
Don't, Coo...
Dr. Cooper? What the hell?
We got a broken arm.
I know that guy.
He's the movie guy from
Good Morning, New York.
Does this hurt? Ow.
Yes, that hurts.
All right, let's get
a right radial ulna
and a couple of
views of the humerus.
Any other pain, Mr. Nutterman?
Feels like someone's
kicking me in the chest
every time I breathe.
Well, you may have
a cracked rib or two.
Get an AP and
lateral chest as well.
So how'd you fall?
Uh, bike? Stairs?
I was walking...
Well, no, I was waiting at
the corner of 9th and 2nd,
looking at my AirBook,
and I stepped off the curb
and misjudged my
footing and I just fell.
You were working on your laptop
and crossing 2nd
Avenue at the same time?
Well, it sounds
stupid when you say it,
but there's not a
scratch on my laptop.
Were you working on a review?
Sorry. We all recognized you.
"Neil Nutterman's
Heads or Tails."
Welcome.
Hm.
Well, the pressure's good.
Can I ask you something?
Go ahead.
Hotel for Dogs, the
worst movie of the year?
Seriously?
Let me guess. You loved Air Bud.
Yeah, that's beside the point.
You go around insinuating
that people are stupid for
liking the things they like.
What is that about?
Need I remind you that
you insinuated I was stupid
for walking and typing
at the same time?
I did indeed.
Zoey, you wanna
take this one? Yep.
In your professional opinion,
why are cats so underused
in the film industry?
I hate cats.
Could I get a
pillow or something?
No.
You kissed me.
Yes.
You reached out
to somebody safe.
Okay. Uh, don't
ever do that again.
Hey, should I get some kind
of exit interview or something?
Hold off on that, okay?
I'm trying to find a
satellite pharmacy,
maybe Oncology, maybe NICU.
I got a call in to Bellevue.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
It's what the kids say.
Hang in there with me, Eddie.
I'm trying.
I'm still in a lot of pain. Can
you do something about this?
I'm sorry, I have
to wait another hour
before I give you any
more pain medication.
Would you like some
water? I hate water.
You probably hate
rainbows too. What?
Is there anything
else I can get for you?
Perhaps something
furry that purrs
and gives nothing but love?
Fine. I'll drink water,
but only with lemon.
Hello. I'm Gloria Akalitis,
emergency room administrator.
That sounds like fun.
Not all our jobs can be fun.
My job is to hold people
to a higher standard.
Do you know what an
unfun, thankless job that is?
Oh, I know.
I don't need people
to agree with me.
I expect good. I expect smart.
And if that makes
me the bad guy...
A fellow bad guy,
that's refreshing.
Nice to meet you.
I didn't introduce myself.
Oh, I know who you are.
If it weren't for you and
Foreign Film Fridays,
I would have never
seen Bicycle Thief.
So thank you.
Well, thank you.
Uh, Gloria, was it?
Yes. Gloria.
Um, you should consider
giving Babette's
Feast another chance.
I was... in a bad place
when I screened that.
I was going through
my divorce and... Oh.
Something in your ear?
A ringing sound? Tinnitus?
I think it's something alive.
What makes you think its alive?
Because I-I can feel it
crawling around in there.
When did it start?
Uh... Uh...
I was sleeping and then I
woke up when I felt something,
you know, crawling
around in there.
Do you have any cockroaches
where you live, Mr. Singer?
You think it's a cockroach?
I hope not, but let's
have a look, hm?
Oh, my God. Oh, my
God, what? What is it?
Oh, my God, as in I'm
relieved. Uh, no cockroach.
But don't go anywhere.
Spider.
I'm sorry, I could
never wear anything
that costs 100 times as much
as the tap class I
was just kicked out of.
You're officially dwelling.
Besides, I told you
to beware of any class
that touts the mother-daughter
relationship as carefree.
You are so bitter.
You know, it's not
like your mother
ran off with your boyfriend
and married him on
your 25th birthday, or...
Did I bring up a sore subject?
Oh, go ahead, make a joke.
After all, it's only my life.
Precisely the reason why I
need to drown my sorrows
in places like this.
Have you heard from your sister?
Well, she left Paris,
flew to London,
got as far as the hospital.
And then was turned away
from our mother's bedside
by the wicked stepfather.
Once again, we are
living the same life.
Oh, hello, my sweet.
Yep, it's a whole
big fucking mess.
But I reckon if Stella McCartney
can steer her way clear
of a one-legged,
gold-digging stepmother
and still make
something this beautiful,
I too can endure.
Ooh, spring knits.
We're still getting ribs
at Houston's, right?
I hate shopping.
Okay, Mr. Singer,
I'm sorry for the delay.
Please take your shirt
off. It might get wet.
Were going to get that
little sucker out of there.
You said there
wasn't a cockroach.
Spider. Oh, get
it out. Get it out.
Oh, you're not
sticking that in my ear.
It's just a syringe.
No needle. We're
going to flush him out.
Tilt your head, please.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. I think
it's fighting it.
I can feel it. Don't panic.
Just turn your head
over to the other side.
Down came the rain and washed
the spider out. Show's over.
Oh, shit. Look
at the size of it.
Uh-oh.
What?
I think I feel something
crawling around
in the other ear.
What, do you live in the woods?
Can we give Mr. Nutterman
something stronger for his pain?
When was the last
time he had something?
Five hours ago.
Give him another
50 mics of fentanyl.
This will help. Thank you.
I think you give Kevin Costner
a harder time than he deserves.
He should pick better movies.
What about the one where he
played the Coast Guard guy?
The Guardian. I liked it.
Look, I didn't hate it.
And I honestly have no
problem with Ashton Kutcher.
I just think... I... I
think I'm feeling...
rather... Oh, shit.
Did I do something wrong?
He's in respiratory distress.
Get a crash cart, page O'Hara.
God. Come on.
Come on, Nutterman.
What the hell? He
had a broken elbow.
He crashed. Looks
like anaphylactic shock.
What did you give him?
Fifty mics of fentanyl.
He's allergic to codeine.
But I gave him fentanyl.
It's a different opiate. He had
some earlier and he was fine.
He was given the correct
dosage. Can you read?
What does that say?
"Two hundred fifty micrograms."
What? Again, louder.
Two hundred fifty.
This is the easiest part
of your job. Understand?
I got it. Zoey, go.
I'll talk to you later.
Okay, you're off the
floor. No more patients.
You can answer
phones. That's about it.
This is not good.
What the hell
happened? Gloria, I...
This is just as much
your fault as it is hers.
Zoey, in my office, now.
I put a film critic in a coma.
You know, when I wake
up, the first thing I think
is I hope I don't
kill anyone today.
It's good to have goals.
The only thing I wanna do
besides help people
is not kill them.
We all make mistakes.
I shaved a woman's pubic hair
before she got her tonsils out.
Why would you...? Exactly.
I missed an aneurysm
on my 14th day.
I left the room for 90
seconds. That's all it took.
I should have been there.
When you get to the
other side of this, Zoey,
you'll be a better nurse.
And if you let it get to
you, it will destroy you.
Yeah, but Dr. O'Hara's
not gonna trust me again.
And Jackie is...
Oh, my God, you're gay.
Ah.
I just got that.
God.
Listen, they will trust you.
They can't do their
job if they don't.
Plus, he's not dead.
So you're, like, out, right?
Mm-hm.
Thank you for the heads-up.
You're back.
I went online. I wanna
show you something.
This is a twist lock, right?
Did that thing just
do what I think it did?
Uh-huh. Resets the memory too.
So if it resets itself, you
can get anything you need.
Think about it as going-away
present number two.
Holy shit.
You gotta know this
is really killing me.
I know.
And hear me when I
say it's gonna be fine.
We'll have time, privacy.
I'll meet your kid. You
can meet my mom.
So how do you spell Mississippi?
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.
Correct.
Hello.
Mom, look.
Hot dogs and peanut butter.
Oh, wow.
How are you, sweetie?
For you.
Thank you.
For you.
She'll come around.
♪ Who can turn the
world on With a smile? ♪
♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪
♪ And suddenly make
It all seem worthwhile? ♪
♪ Well, it's you girl
And you should know it ♪
♪ With each glance and every
Little movement you show it ♪
♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪
♪ You can have a town
Why don't you take it? ♪
♪ You're gonna
make it After all ♪
♪ Who can turn the
world on With a smile? ♪
♪ Who can turn the world on? ♪
♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪
♪ And suddenly make
It all seem worthwhile? ♪
♪ Well, it's you girl
And you should know it ♪
♪ With each glance and every
Little movement you show it ♪
♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪
♪ You can have a town
Why don't you take it? ♪
♪ Gonna make it after ♪
♪ You're gonna
make it After all ♪
Ring, Jacks. Oh, God.
Oh, come on.
How are you gonna explain
the wedding ring to Kevin?
I will think of something.
You told Eddie I have a kid.
No. No, I didn't.
Yes, I did. I'm sorry.
Hey, Jackie. I want
you to meet someone.
Oh, hi. It's Melissa,
right? Yeah.
They're replacing
me with a Pyxis.
I need you to put in your two
cents with the board or whatever
that wants to put a
Pyxis in the pharmacy.
Shut up. We're getting a Pyxis?
Zoey walked in on me and Eddie.
And I kissed Coop.
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
Personally, I don't think God
punishes us. What about you?
♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, Na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
Are you helping
Mommy there, Grace?
Yes, she is.
You're very good
at this, sweetie.
Thanks.
You too, Fi.
I know.
Me and Fi are gonna run
an errand, aren't we, Fi?
You are?
It's secret.
You're going to the bank.
No, we're going to pick out...
Whoa. Fi. Easy.
Secret. But I really wanna tell.
I know, baby. It's very hard
to keep a secret, isn't it?
Okay. Beautiful.
You ready to tap, lady? Yes.
Okay. We'll see you later.
Okay. Have fun.
Thank you. Bye.
I wasn't gonna tell her.
Yes, you were.
I know.
Look at them. - I know.
My God, when
did they get so big?
I want another one.
Babies. Don't you miss babies?
No, not really.
Okay, here we go.
Now, kids, "Shuffle
Off to Buffalo."
Three to the right,
three to the left.
And the mothers joining in
on the toe, heel, toe, heel.
Four in a row, huh?
Okay, here we go.
And five, six, seven, and...
Kaitlyn, sweetie, just
make a little more space.
Good, Kaitlyn. Excellent.
Ginny, can you please ask
Kaitlyn to leave more space?
I'm sorry?
Here we go, toe,
heel, toe, heel.
Toe, heel, toe, heel. Hey.
Sweetheart,
spread out a little bit
so she's not running
into you, okay, sweetie?
The steps travel, Jackie.
If Grace isn't moving
on the step shuffle,
Kaitlyn's gonna bump into her.
That's just how
it goes. Heh, heh.
Hm.
I was gonna get it soldered. Mm.
But now I'm thinking diamond.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think you should
get your wife a diamond ring.
That's what I think.
Let's get her that one.
Ooh. This one is two carats.
It's 10 percent off.
And you have a great eye.
That's better than 10
carat, two percent off, right?
You know, I'm thinking,
in a perfect world,
less than a carat.
Only 'cause, uh,
she's not that fancy.
Yes, she is.
You're right, baby.
Mommy is very fancy.
No.
Let's get a bunch of them.
Or let's get one
really good one.
I like that one.
It's sparkly.
Me too.
Is this for her broken finger?
Yep.
Can it be from all of us?
Do you think it's fancy enough?
We'll take it.
We'll take it.
Great.
Kaitlyn, honey,
can you leave a little bit
of room for Grace? Thanks.
Mom, it's okay. I don't
care. I care, honey.
Please don't scold my daughter.
I'm just trying to take
care of my kid, that's all.
You're doing great, Kaitlyn.
We paid our 10
bucks just like you did.
Well, didn't you practice?
That's not very nice, Kaitlyn.
Okay, I told you
not to scold my child.
I asked your child to make
a little bit of room for my child
and I think I said please.
I don't think she practiced.
Have you always been
such a snot, Kaitlyn?
Mom, don't. You're
embarrassing her.
Fuck you.
Uh, is there a problem here? No.
She said the F. In a church.
I think it's best if...
Let's just get out of here.
We don't need this nonsense.
Having fun, fun in a tap
class, right? This is ridiculous.
I'm not having fun.
Let's take an art class
where you don't have
to wear stupid shoes.
You've all been furnished
with a PIN number.
Every medication
removed from the machine
will be traced back
to your number
and shortages will
not be tolerated.
Now... What did
you do to your finger?
I smashed it with a hammer.
You don't have to tell
me. I'm not going to.
Every interaction is stored
in the Pill-O-Matix's memory.
Wait. I thought we
were getting a Pyxis.
Same machine, half the price.
Pill-O-Matix is a
superior machine.
You're gonna love this
thing. I seriously doubt it.
Your shitty pill
dispenser is replacing me.
For the record, I feel like
it's totally inappropriate
to have this meeting
in front of Eddie.
Couldn't agree more. Thanks.
Do I keep going?
Once you've entered your PIN,
the touch screen will prompt...
How do you sleep at night,
putting someone
out of their job?
I hired Eddie
Walzer 10 years ago.
This is the saddest
day I've had.
If you want to try doing
my job, you go right ahead.
It is designed to manage
the flow of pharmaceuticals
and medical supplies
from the point of order...
Are you okay?
Fuck 'em.
How's your finger?
Oh. My kid taped
it. It's good, huh?
Yeah.
Don't worry. I don't
work here anymore.
Ed, please don't say that.
I am gonna miss
seeing you every day.
Please, I can't even...
I have a little something for
you, a going-away present.
Oh.
Oxy, baby.
For me, really? Mm-hm.
Eighty milligram tabs. Go easy.
I love you.
Love you more.
So you spend a lot of
time with Jackie, right?
Oh. Yeah.
We are really close.
She gave me this
penlight, actually.
Nice. She is nice.
I mean, not to you,
but, you know, to other people
who are more...
Doesn't that hurt?
What does she like?
Many things.
She likes gum and coffee.
And... EDDIE: Hey, Coop.
You forgot your
pager on my desk.
Oh, Jesus, thanks, man.
Here, put it in my pocket.
No, I'm good.
Cheers.
Does she have a boyfriend?
What?
Who?
Does...?
Is Jackie seeing anyone?
I think she's seeing someone.
But you're not sure.
Hm?
Hi.
Hey.
I was in the neighborhood.
Oh. Heh.
The next time
you tell the story,
don't say you got thrown out.
Say the brat's mother pulled
a gun on you or something.
It was awful. You should
have seen Gracie's face.
She turned bright red. I
thought she was gonna pass out.
Ugh, what a fucking mess.
Do I want to know how
you broke your finger?
Nope.
I'm just shocked. I thought
we were perfect together.
We are. We were.
I... You're... It's so
not you, I promise.
You're exactly my type.
I've dated a hundred of you.
Oh, my God, that's even
worse. No, it's a compliment.
Like, on Mars.
No, I-I'm trying to
say that you're perfect.
Then what is the problem?
I kissed someone else, okay?
And I felt something
I never felt.
You can see other people.
Uh, I don't want to
see other people.
It's... It's a focus thing.
And you want to focus on her?
Sort of.
If I walk away, I am
never coming back.
You know this, right?
I mean,
I'm willing to stick around
while you figure this out.
But if I go, that's
it. I'm gone.
Look, I'm a fucking mess.
You deserve someone
who's not... Holy shit.
You're gonna let me
walk away, aren't you?
Un-fucking-believable.
Oh, shit, that looks
like a breakup.
Oh, goody. Now he
can take you to the prom.
I kissed him.
Oh, my darling, what a wildly
entertaining mess you've made.
Go ahead. Get it
out of your system.
I hate you.
No.
Yes. And...
This too.
Don't, Coo...
Dr. Cooper? What the hell?
We got a broken arm.
I know that guy.
He's the movie guy from
Good Morning, New York.
Does this hurt? Ow.
Yes, that hurts.
All right, let's get
a right radial ulna
and a couple of
views of the humerus.
Any other pain, Mr. Nutterman?
Feels like someone's
kicking me in the chest
every time I breathe.
Well, you may have
a cracked rib or two.
Get an AP and
lateral chest as well.
So how'd you fall?
Uh, bike? Stairs?
I was walking...
Well, no, I was waiting at
the corner of 9th and 2nd,
looking at my AirBook,
and I stepped off the curb
and misjudged my
footing and I just fell.
You were working on your laptop
and crossing 2nd
Avenue at the same time?
Well, it sounds
stupid when you say it,
but there's not a
scratch on my laptop.
Were you working on a review?
Sorry. We all recognized you.
"Neil Nutterman's
Heads or Tails."
Welcome.
Hm.
Well, the pressure's good.
Can I ask you something?
Go ahead.
Hotel for Dogs, the
worst movie of the year?
Seriously?
Let me guess. You loved Air Bud.
Yeah, that's beside the point.
You go around insinuating
that people are stupid for
liking the things they like.
What is that about?
Need I remind you that
you insinuated I was stupid
for walking and typing
at the same time?
I did indeed.
Zoey, you wanna
take this one? Yep.
In your professional opinion,
why are cats so underused
in the film industry?
I hate cats.
Could I get a
pillow or something?
No.
You kissed me.
Yes.
You reached out
to somebody safe.
Okay. Uh, don't
ever do that again.
Hey, should I get some kind
of exit interview or something?
Hold off on that, okay?
I'm trying to find a
satellite pharmacy,
maybe Oncology, maybe NICU.
I got a call in to Bellevue.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
It's what the kids say.
Hang in there with me, Eddie.
I'm trying.
I'm still in a lot of pain. Can
you do something about this?
I'm sorry, I have
to wait another hour
before I give you any
more pain medication.
Would you like some
water? I hate water.
You probably hate
rainbows too. What?
Is there anything
else I can get for you?
Perhaps something
furry that purrs
and gives nothing but love?
Fine. I'll drink water,
but only with lemon.
Hello. I'm Gloria Akalitis,
emergency room administrator.
That sounds like fun.
Not all our jobs can be fun.
My job is to hold people
to a higher standard.
Do you know what an
unfun, thankless job that is?
Oh, I know.
I don't need people
to agree with me.
I expect good. I expect smart.
And if that makes
me the bad guy...
A fellow bad guy,
that's refreshing.
Nice to meet you.
I didn't introduce myself.
Oh, I know who you are.
If it weren't for you and
Foreign Film Fridays,
I would have never
seen Bicycle Thief.
So thank you.
Well, thank you.
Uh, Gloria, was it?
Yes. Gloria.
Um, you should consider
giving Babette's
Feast another chance.
I was... in a bad place
when I screened that.
I was going through
my divorce and... Oh.
Something in your ear?
A ringing sound? Tinnitus?
I think it's something alive.
What makes you think its alive?
Because I-I can feel it
crawling around in there.
When did it start?
Uh... Uh...
I was sleeping and then I
woke up when I felt something,
you know, crawling
around in there.
Do you have any cockroaches
where you live, Mr. Singer?
You think it's a cockroach?
I hope not, but let's
have a look, hm?
Oh, my God. Oh, my
God, what? What is it?
Oh, my God, as in I'm
relieved. Uh, no cockroach.
But don't go anywhere.
Spider.
I'm sorry, I could
never wear anything
that costs 100 times as much
as the tap class I
was just kicked out of.
You're officially dwelling.
Besides, I told you
to beware of any class
that touts the mother-daughter
relationship as carefree.
You are so bitter.
You know, it's not
like your mother
ran off with your boyfriend
and married him on
your 25th birthday, or...
Did I bring up a sore subject?
Oh, go ahead, make a joke.
After all, it's only my life.
Precisely the reason why I
need to drown my sorrows
in places like this.
Have you heard from your sister?
Well, she left Paris,
flew to London,
got as far as the hospital.
And then was turned away
from our mother's bedside
by the wicked stepfather.
Once again, we are
living the same life.
Oh, hello, my sweet.
Yep, it's a whole
big fucking mess.
But I reckon if Stella McCartney
can steer her way clear
of a one-legged,
gold-digging stepmother
and still make
something this beautiful,
I too can endure.
Ooh, spring knits.
We're still getting ribs
at Houston's, right?
I hate shopping.
Okay, Mr. Singer,
I'm sorry for the delay.
Please take your shirt
off. It might get wet.
Were going to get that
little sucker out of there.
You said there
wasn't a cockroach.
Spider. Oh, get
it out. Get it out.
Oh, you're not
sticking that in my ear.
It's just a syringe.
No needle. We're
going to flush him out.
Tilt your head, please.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. I think
it's fighting it.
I can feel it. Don't panic.
Just turn your head
over to the other side.
Down came the rain and washed
the spider out. Show's over.
Oh, shit. Look
at the size of it.
Uh-oh.
What?
I think I feel something
crawling around
in the other ear.
What, do you live in the woods?
Can we give Mr. Nutterman
something stronger for his pain?
When was the last
time he had something?
Five hours ago.
Give him another
50 mics of fentanyl.
This will help. Thank you.
I think you give Kevin Costner
a harder time than he deserves.
He should pick better movies.
What about the one where he
played the Coast Guard guy?
The Guardian. I liked it.
Look, I didn't hate it.
And I honestly have no
problem with Ashton Kutcher.
I just think... I... I
think I'm feeling...
rather... Oh, shit.
Did I do something wrong?
He's in respiratory distress.
Get a crash cart, page O'Hara.
God. Come on.
Come on, Nutterman.
What the hell? He
had a broken elbow.
He crashed. Looks
like anaphylactic shock.
What did you give him?
Fifty mics of fentanyl.
He's allergic to codeine.
But I gave him fentanyl.
It's a different opiate. He had
some earlier and he was fine.
He was given the correct
dosage. Can you read?
What does that say?
"Two hundred fifty micrograms."
What? Again, louder.
Two hundred fifty.
This is the easiest part
of your job. Understand?
I got it. Zoey, go.
I'll talk to you later.
Okay, you're off the
floor. No more patients.
You can answer
phones. That's about it.
This is not good.
What the hell
happened? Gloria, I...
This is just as much
your fault as it is hers.
Zoey, in my office, now.
I put a film critic in a coma.
You know, when I wake
up, the first thing I think
is I hope I don't
kill anyone today.
It's good to have goals.
The only thing I wanna do
besides help people
is not kill them.
We all make mistakes.
I shaved a woman's pubic hair
before she got her tonsils out.
Why would you...? Exactly.
I missed an aneurysm
on my 14th day.
I left the room for 90
seconds. That's all it took.
I should have been there.
When you get to the
other side of this, Zoey,
you'll be a better nurse.
And if you let it get to
you, it will destroy you.
Yeah, but Dr. O'Hara's
not gonna trust me again.
And Jackie is...
Oh, my God, you're gay.
Ah.
I just got that.
God.
Listen, they will trust you.
They can't do their
job if they don't.
Plus, he's not dead.
So you're, like, out, right?
Mm-hm.
Thank you for the heads-up.
You're back.
I went online. I wanna
show you something.
This is a twist lock, right?
Did that thing just
do what I think it did?
Uh-huh. Resets the memory too.
So if it resets itself, you
can get anything you need.
Think about it as going-away
present number two.
Holy shit.
You gotta know this
is really killing me.
I know.
And hear me when I
say it's gonna be fine.
We'll have time, privacy.
I'll meet your kid. You
can meet my mom.
So how do you spell Mississippi?
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.
Correct.
Hello.
Mom, look.
Hot dogs and peanut butter.
Oh, wow.
How are you, sweetie?
For you.
Thank you.
For you.
She'll come around.
♪ Who can turn the
world on With a smile? ♪
♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪
♪ And suddenly make
It all seem worthwhile? ♪
♪ Well, it's you girl
And you should know it ♪
♪ With each glance and every
Little movement you show it ♪
♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪
♪ You can have a town
Why don't you take it? ♪
♪ You're gonna
make it After all ♪
♪ Who can turn the
world on With a smile? ♪
♪ Who can turn the world on? ♪
♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪
♪ And suddenly make
It all seem worthwhile? ♪
♪ Well, it's you girl
And you should know it ♪
♪ With each glance and every
Little movement you show it ♪
♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪
♪ You can have a town
Why don't you take it? ♪
♪ Gonna make it after ♪
♪ You're gonna
make it After all ♪