Numb3rs (2005–2010): Season 5, Episode 14 - Sneakerhead - full transcript
The team chases after a pair of rare sneakers that just keep disappearing, leaving death and injuries in their wake. Liz weighs her promotion against losing the team in the L.A. office.
♪ ♪
♪ About as subtle as
an earthquake, I know ♪
♪ My mistakes were made ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ And in the backroom of
a bad dream, she came ♪
♪ And whisked me away ♪
♪ And confused ♪
♪ And it's as solid as a
rock rolling down a hill ♪
♪ The fact is that it
probably will hit something ♪
♪ On the hazardous terrain ♪
♪ And we're just
following the flock ♪
♪ Around and in between,
before we're smashed ♪
♪ To smithereens ♪
♪ Like they were ♪
♪ Then we scramble
from the blame ♪
♪ And it's the fame that
put words in her mouth ♪
♪ She couldn't help
but spit them out ♪
♪ Innocence and arrogance ♪
♪ Entwined ♪
♪ In the filthiest of minds ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She was bitten ♪
♪ On her birthday, and now ♪
♪ A face in the crowd ♪
♪ She's not ♪
♪ And I suspected
now forever the shape ♪
♪ She came to escape is forgot ♪
♪ And it's a lot ♪
♪ To ask her not to sting... ♪
(whispers): Not
what we're here for.
♪ Around your
crooked conscience ♪
♪ She will wind ♪
♪ ♪
Don't move.
Put your hands
in the air and face
the wall.
Hands in the air
and face the wall.
(electrical crackling, grunting)
Browner Dunn,
Diplomatic Security.
Thank you for responding.
Don Eppes. Looks like
you got it covered here.
Rooftop entry, hacked security,
and it sounds
like a high-tech B and E.
The Brazilian consulate
has two Andrades,
a Portinaris,
and a diamond collection
that rivals DeBeers.
None of it was touched.
Your guy probably
scared 'em off.
Where's he at?
Yuson... he was gone
when we got here.
He hasn't checked in
in 90 minutes.
DAVID: Any chance
he was in on it?
Not likely.
The guy's a Boy Scout.
They took out the main cameras.
Whoever it is, they
have a blueprint
on how to beat a
biometric security system.
But not an attention to detail.
I checked with the neighbors.
Their garage camera
covers the hall window.
That's Yuson.
There's more.
All right, so where is he?
According to the footage,
this is the only place
they could have gone.
They couldn't have
made Yuson disappear.
(tapping)
This painting is speaking to me.
Listen.
(tapping)
Hey, does this thing move?
How'd you...? It
worked for Batman.
DUNN: Looks like a voice
recognition trigger lock.
DAVID: FASR.
Quantico's been
testing this thing.
The lock responds to voice
passphrases from the owner.
Consul Nespola's been in Brazil,
visiting his son.
We haven't been
able to reach him.
There's probably
not much air, right?
NIKKI: What about
the vault designer?
DAVID: No, that wouldn't
help; you need Nespola's voice.
I'll call LAFD, have
them drill it open.
Reinforced steel versus a drill?
Drill loses.
You think we can pick it?
CHARLIE: You know, we don't need
Nespola's vocal
chords to get his voice
'cause he's a public figure.
I've got 27,521
views on YouTube.
I...
love... Rum-pel-stilt-skin.
DAVID: That's an
ocean of clips, Charlie.
How do we narrow that
down to a passphrase?
I'm using a wavelet analysis
to supersmooth the
rapid word combinations.
The English language
has 44 phonemes,
which are sounds
inherent in human speech,
and that's what
voice recognition
is based on.
God-zill-a... grew...
up... in the favelas.
So it keys on the
sounds within words
instead of the words themselves?
CHARLIE: And all we need is
the right combination
within those 44.
NESPOLA: God...
honor... country... football.
CHARLIE: It's like walking
into a junkyard...
and you're surrounded by dozens
of cars that no longer run,
so you start collecting parts...
Carburetors, radiators,
pistons, transmissions.
You clean 'em off, you
see which parts still function,
you put 'em together,
mixing and matching until
you find a combination that runs.
NESPOLA: Goody...
good-y... two... shoes.
Yeah,
you got it. (whirring)
Oh, my God.
DON: You all right?
DUNN: I'm gonna take this off...
YUSON: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Let me get this straight.
You pass up paintings
and diamonds for...
Sneakers?
All right, I can understand
stealing gold, stealing art,
but who pulls a heist for shoes?
Who keeps 'em in a vault?
This Consul Nespola
dude's got to be
a hard-core shoe collector.
Look, I know guys who
stand in line for days
for a pair of kicks.
You're kidding me... for shoes?
Aren't you the guy with, like,
35,000 comic books?
He's got dead stock Waffles,
Micropacers,
So-Cal Exclusives. A collection
like this has got to
be worth millions.
Look, kicks
are status symbols.
All right? You live in Malibu,
you drive a Maserati.
You live on Slauson,
you wear Jordans.
How do you know so much
about it? I got a
four-year degree
from the streets of
Compton and Watts.
Yeah, but they stole one pair.
Judging from what
they left behind,
they're something special.
All right, well, thieves
are not complicated, right?
I mean, somebody hired them
or the shoes are headed
for the black market.
Yeah, either way, we got
about 24 hours before
the sneakers get moved.
(door opens)
Consul Nespola's here.
All the guy talks
about is shoes.
These right here...
Vintage Brazilian Adidas.
Paid $300 for 'em,
sold 'em for $5,000.
This is the new stock market.
Oil... unreliable,
real estate... in the toilet.
But in shoes you trust?
Listen, I go after big paydays...
Made my fortune in junk bonds...
But before I was consul,
I was a kid who
couldn't afford sneakers,
and now I can, so I do.
You got a picture of the ones
that were stolen, by any chance?
(scoffs)
Picture of every pair. Uh...
(clearing throat): Okay,
these are the 2-K Primers.
Oh, yeah, I know Primers.
My brother wanted a
pair when we were kids.
Mm. Parents paid rent instead.
(chuckles) What's so special
about these? What's so...?
Give me that.
This is the very first pair
of the Final Edition Primers
off the assembly line...
Serial number 001.
(groans)
That means
I paid $250,000
for these at auction.
Do you have any idea what
they're going to be worth
in five years? No,
and I don't really care, but
I do notice that you bought
most of them in the last year.
Is that true? Well, what I lack
in experience, I make
up for in aggressiveness.
Well, that can't make
the other collectors happy.
Oh, the other collectors
can kiss my Converse because
no one was supposed to know
I had these Primers.
That auction was
allegedly closed.
Who was in charge of the sale?
La-La Buendia...
Works for 2-K Shoes.
DON: Hey, congratulations
on that promotion.
Yeah, Supervisor
of Organized Crime.
I head to Denver at
the end of the week.
Yeah, it's cold there.
It's a great department. Yeah?
Great opportunity.
All right.
So, stealing shoes has
young and dumb
written all over it,
but your thieves
manipulated voice recognition.
So maybe someone
shares their MO?
Yeah,
why don't you run it by Charlie?
Find a heuristic that'll
cut down the time?
I don't know, maybe you
have been here too long.
♪ Hey, is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it ♪
♪ If you're down for me, I
ain't funny, I'm committed ♪
♪ Don't be lying to me,
all I wanna do is get it ♪
♪ Hey, little mama, you
should let me be your daddy ♪
♪ Is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it... ♪
Who knew that shoes could
bring the world together?
Just do not step
on anyone's feet.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what's up?
Hey, if you're here for
the Primer bracelets,
y'all need to get in line.
You don't let us inside,
you're gonna be the
one wearing bracelets.
What do the bracelets get you?
Final Edition Primers drop
on the general public in a week.
Everybody and their
moms is trying to cop.
Once the first pair
auctioned off for crazy money,
I guess the demand for
these went through the roof.
These priority bracelets...
They keep people
from mobbing each other
on the day of release?
Yeah.
I mean, it only raises the
hype, though, you know?
You want a discount,
yo, I can hook it up.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's okay.
Amita had a combinatorics
symposium in Kansas City.
I had a lecture on
synchronized chaos,
which is not at all
meant for one person.
What's the required reading?
Well, I checked with
our audio guys in Virginia,
and the bank's have been
using voice recognition technology
for the past few years.
It looks like an imposing list
of suspects
if we're simply
considering bank heists.
You know? Epic.
Yeah, well,
an epic search calls for
an epic search algorithm.
It'll, uh, it'll sort
suspects into segments.
(typing)
♪ Is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it ♪
♪ If you're down for
me, I ain't funny... ♪
So, Ms. Buendia,
you were running the
auction for 2-K Shoes,
and Nespola said no
one was supposed to know
the identity of the
winning bidder.
Look, this was an auction
for the first pair of the
Final Edition Primers.
Word was gonna
get out, regardless.
Plus, who cares?
Nespola's a jerk. Any idea
who stole his shoes?
Every head in L.A.
wants that heat.
Me?
I'm on your side...
I don't get paid
until they're found.
What do you mean?
Well, Nespola froze
his auction payment
until the shoes are found.
That means no commission for me.
On a quarter
million dollar sale,
you do the math.
Thing about Nespola
winning the auction
is that everyone else lost.
Leaves a lot of angry bidders.
Well, bidding did
get hot and heavy
between Nespola and Bit O' Nutz.
Who?
DJ Bit O' Nutz.
The only sneakerhead
with a collection
bigger than Nespola's.
(giggling)
Oh, right there, right
there, right there.
(sighs) Yeah, girl.
Go a little lower...
That's right.
Daddy got a lot of
stress down there, girl.
All right.
(sighs) Come on, man.
This is not what I
call a happy ending.
We'd like to talk to
you for a few minutes.
What's up, Buster Brown?
Buster Brown?
Well, you know, they
say kicks say a lot
about a man, and, uh, yours
are screaming, "Supercop!"
So, you're Vic Moritz?
Is that right?
I prefer...
Bit O' Nutz.
♪ You gotta, gotta be ♪
♪ A Bit O' Nutz in
this world, world. ♪
Hit single.
DAVID: What's nuts
is you bidding six
figures on a pair of shoes.
Man, you can't argue with that.
That's love.
Look, I know everything there is
to know about Primers.
It all started with
Primer Nelson.
Busted ankle ended his
playing days in the league,
so he made kicks to
prevent injuries to others.
You mix tech with fashion,
and... (imitates bell
ringing) Primers became
a phenomenon. Vic, we
didn't really come here
for a history lesson. Yeah,
but it's who I am, baby.
I mean, I produced
my first single
to buy a pair of Primers.
So, you must
have been ticked off
when Nespola got
the Final Editions.
Hey, man, I'm not going to lie.
I mean, those
kicks are my grails,
but I don't need to steal
from a reseller like Nespola.
Mind if we take a look in
here? Fine. Excuse me.
♪ You gotta be a Bit
O' Nutz in this world. ♪
(chiming)
Hey, go ahead, toss
my crib if you want.
I ain't got nothing to hide.
Man, you are not gonna find
any Final Edition Primers here.
So, is that why you
sent threatening e-mails
to Nespola and La-La Buendia?
Look, man, I felt cheated,
so I sent a message.
Look, as you can see,
I am more intimidating
in an e-mail than
I am in person.
It's not about the money for me.
Oh, no?
No.
They say love...
is putting on a
fresh pair every day.
That's me.
I mean, ask around, man.
I mean, my reputation is nice.
I can't say that for Nespola.
CHARLIE: So,
looks like we're down
to dueling lists of
12 suspects here,
thanks to the
power of efficiency
through optimized searching.
I'm sorry, I'm kind
of nerding out on you.
Oh, no, I was just, uh...
I was having one of
those reflective moments.
Hey, Denver is
lucky to have you.
That's... that's
what they say, right?
It is a great opportunity.
It's a promotion.
Urban nomads are the
last great adventurers.
You know, I was just a
kid when I got to Princeton.
Charlie, when you graduated
from Princeton,
you were just a kid.
No, what I'm saying is, is that
you really never learn
more about yourself
than when you're on your own,
when you're away from family.
That's true.
Not everyone has
a family like that.
(typing)
DAVID: You know,
I'm just saying,
I don't even wear Buster
Browns, you know?
Does it matter? No, but you know
how much I paid for these?
MAN: Betancourt.
(chuckling): Cates.
How you doing? What's up?
This is David Sinclair.
Nice to meet you.
I saw your name
on the alerts for
that consulate heist.
Come on, check this out.
Guy runs through here.
He gets this.
All right, but how does
that connect to us?
You wear 250 G's
on your feet in skid row,
you're looking to get jacked.
Yeah, but who gets
jacked for one shoe?
Our Cinderfella
has no ID but prison tats.
The techs think
Eastern European.
All right, run his photo,
get it to immigration.
Okay, any description
of the shooter?
Witnesses say a
white guy in his 20s.
He argued with our dead guy
before chasing him down here.
Literally chased
him out of his shoe.
I thought breaking
a heel was bad.
Yeah, first thing our killer did
was go for the shoe,
but a crowd of looky-loos,
they scared him off
before he got to it.
NIKKI: Chased away
by the bum brigade?
And he dropped his gun.
Forensics is working on prints.
They can't find the other
shoe? On this street,
shiny new things tend
to disappear quickly.
(phone ringing)
Yeah, Betancourt.
Okay.
Yeah, great.
Yeah, that was Liz and Charlie.
They think they
found a possible match
on the MO from
our consulate heist.
I can't wait
to meet the guy that hacks
voice recognition
locks for a living.
Interpol says his
name is Stephanois.
(laughs)
He's French, too.
LIZ: Your rap sheet reads
like an encyclopedia
for thieves.
MAN: And...
I made a fortune.
Alas, all good things
come to an end.
Then again, a rendezvous
with two charming damsels...
always a pleasure.
Yeah, you know what
really makes us hot?
Stories about
biometric security.
I pulled diamond
heists in Paris,
art in Monaco...
Yeah, but see, that's
the thing about heists.
Sooner or later, you get caught.
Which is why I embrace
the peace and
quiet of retirement.
Interpol says you
adjusted your game.
Internet theft,
hacking speech recognition locks
on bank computers.
(chuckling)
Taking the life savings
of soccer moms was a tad banal.
Is that why
you switched it up again?
You know, lifting sneakers
from Randall Nespola.
Last night, I was having
dinner with my parole officer.
Steak was overcooked.
And I would never soil my craft
heisting something as trivial...
as tennis shoes.
Six-figure shoes
aren't so trivial.
Low six
or high six?
You buy it?
Well, let's see.
Extremely rare skill
set, lifelong criminal.
Maybe there's a connection
to Mr. One Shoe. I'll check.
You want to see if anyone tried
to fence the shoes
to other bidders?
Yeah, sure.
Hey.
I heard you're leaving me
to fend for myself
in the boys club.
Yeah.
That's good for you.
Boss of your own unit.
But you'll be
missed around here.
Thanks... and I think
you're doing all
right in the boys club.
Nah, girl, I'm just
trying to be like you.
(chuckling)
ALAN: Did you ever notice
how Professor Elliot
resembles a cobra?
LARRY: Psoriasis, hoodlike neck,
bites when angry.
Yeah, okay, I can see it.
CHARLIE: You were late to
solid state physics lab again?
By three minutes... I
mean, he locks the doors.
I'll never get my
lab hours at this rate.
LARRY: You know, Charles, there
are other labs
that would fulfill
your dad's
requirement. Oh, yeah.
Computation and neural
systems, for example.
Exactly. Fine, fine.
As long as the
professors aren't asses.
You're looking at
them. You... you...
(sighs)
(knock at door) Ah, there he is.
How's the great sneaker caper?
Well, the good news is
we found the right one.
Congrats.
But the left one
was lost, apparently
somewhere in skid row.
Ah, all right, so...
we're talking about
an item that's been
misplaced in an area
where its value has
yet to be determined,
so...
You know what, get us a
layout of the crime scene,
and we can run
an a priori probability
distribution search,
which won't tell you
where the shoe was picked up,
but it will give
you search zones.
Well, that sounds
like a lot of work
for sneakers.
Just give me a pair of Bubbas.
LARRY: I'm not
familiar with that brand.
Bubbas? CHARLIE:
They're a reference
to a variety of generic
brands... like, cheap sneakers.
Great for a fifth
grader, quantity-wise.
Not so great aesthetically.
DON: Right... hence my
having to wear golf shoes
for Little League.
Hey, hey, hey.
You were lucky you
didn't go barefoot.
You know, in an
area like skid row,
where no one
knows the difference
between Bubbas and Primers,
the preference for shoes
balances between need
and aesthetic value.
Sounds like "Shipwrecks
and Sneakers."
What's that? It's a true story.
The vessel Hansa was en
route from Korea to Portland,
when it lost all these crates
of sneakers overboard.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I read about that.
Yeah, they wound up on shores
from Oregon to Hawaii
in a pattern, depending
on what the brands were
or whether they
were rights or lefts.
And scientists
used the flow pattern
to trace the shoes
back to the spill site.
DON: Is this gonna
get us anywhere, or
are we just digressing?
When do I ever digress?
Thanks.
Hey, thanks for making the time.
We need to know if either
of these faces look familiar.
Uh, maybe one of them
sniffed around, trying to get
contact info off of one
of the auction bidders.
Never seen either one.
Um...
look, yesterday,
maybe I came off wrong.
The thing is,
that commission
is my seed money.
Future site of my company,
once I leave 2-K Shoes.
Oh, man,
I haven't seen anything in here
since TJ's Drug
Store cleared out.
I used to patrol the area.
Well,
it'd be nice to bring
business back.
You know, give some people jobs.
Make some affordable hot kicks.
Affordable and hot?
That's not an easy combination.
Yeah.
But it's more fulfilling
than selling shoes
that nobody wears.
Yeah, I got you.
So, no one approached you
about any of the bidders? No.
But I did get a call after the
auction about the bid amounts.
The guy didn't leave his name
and I didn't give any numbers.
LIZ: La-La gets a call
about the bid amounts,
probably gauging a market
value for fencing the shoes.
NIKKI: So we did a dump
on La-La's phone.
And we traced a call to a guy
who matches the description
of our skid row shooter.
NIKKI: Lee Diddums.
Popped for a GTA.
Liquor store
holdups before that.
LIZ: And Johnny Knoxville
stays busy. Oh, come on.
He's minor league.
Yeah, that's what I thought,
until I looked at
his earlier jobs.
Internet theft...
Using audio files.
LIZ: He was juvie at the time.
That's why he
wasn't in our records.
And during his time
in juvie he had a visitor.
Jean Stephanois.
Diddums is his kid? No,
his nephew.
Mother's maiden
name is Stephanois.
That apple fell far from the
tree and rolled down the hill?
All right, put an APB on him.
And let's
interview Stephanois again.
ICE ID'd our dead guy.
He's Ekin Zetroc.
He's Albanian, in
the country illegally.
I have an address.
I am going inside! You
have no business being here.
No, they're mine!
Yeah, say that again!
Say that again! DAVID:
And look who shows up
at the dead Albanian's house.
No, no, get out of my life!
What am I, your woman now?
(overlapping chatter)
If you're taking bets, I
got to go with Nespola.
Get back in your little
car and go home, my man.
We got the same car!
I don't know. Bit O'
Nutz could surprise.
You gonna hide behind
Why am I talking to you?
Your emails? Yeah?
(overlapping chatter) You know
why they call me
Nutz? 'Cause I'm about
to go loco on you right now.
Hey, hey, save it
for the Octagon...
(arguing)
Is that right?
Aren't your bank rolls a little
too large to be duking it
out on the street? I got a
call from some guy in there.
He's offering to sell my Primers
back to me. Yeah,
and I got the same
call, but no one
showed. It's hard to
show when you're dead.
All right. Looks like
our Albanian was trying
to set up a bidding war.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that?
You find my Primers?
We're halfway there.
Okay? Listen,
you spend that much on shoes,
they should stay on your feet.
He wore them?! He wore them?!
That ruins the value!
That ruins the value!
Things are looking
worse for Diddums.
Forensics came back on the gun.
He killed our skid
row stiff, Zetroc.
Yeah. Anything with the APB?
No, nothing yet.
We combed Zetroc's place.
Nothing there but Albanian junk,
so we grabbed his
cell phone records.
Traced the calls he made
to Nespola and Moritz.
And according to our interface,
came from a
warehouse on skid row.
All right, get on it.
FBI!
Don't move! I got him!
Get back here!
Hey!
Hold it!
Don't! Don't!
Nice jump.
NIKKI: Gotta be the shoes.
(both panting)
Yeah,
but which ones?
Diddums tied them up.
Left 'em in a backroom.
Stylish crew.
I thought that general release
date wasn't until next week.
NIKKI: Hey, why wait when
you can make your own?
Counterfeiters.
Use a mold from an authentic
pair to make knockoffs.
So, everyone
here's Albanian,
same as our dead friend,
Zetroc. Any idea
what Diddums was
searching for? No,
no one knows, but
they've seen him before.
He met with their bosses.
Bosses?
Ekin Zetroc,
and that guy...
Nadroj Ria.
RIA: I didn't know
Zetroc.
Really?
You know Albania, right?
Nice labor camps.
Makes Chino look
like Chuck E. Cheese.
NIKKI: Immigration'll
make sure you meet up with
your old friends.
I'd rather do prison
here than go back there.
All right,
start talking.
Diddums
stole a pair
of Final Edition Primers
from some rich guy.
We paid him $20,000
to borrow the shoes
for a few hours...
Make molds, take pictures.
We can knock out 100
counterfeits in a day.
But the other part...
That was Zetroc's idea.
The other part?
Switch the shoes on Diddums,
give him counterfeits.
Because,
naturally, one good
theft deserves another.
Zetroc said he could auction off
the real pair. But
Diddums killed him first.
So, what was Diddums doing at
the warehouse when we arrived?
The Primers Zetroc was
wearing were knockoffs, too.
Now he was going
back for the real ones.
We might be crooks,
but we're not stupid.
So where are
the originals?
Your-your nephew's a killer.
Lee can barely
wipe his backside
without screwing up,
much less commit murder.
You didn't tell
us pulling heists
was a family business.
My nephew
is on the shallow
end of the gene pool.
How about laying low,
you teach him that?
Is there anything in my history
that suggests this
kind of buffoonery?
I once owned a place in Tahiti.
Had I made that score,
I'd be there right now,
surrounded with beauties.
Well, you can think about that.
Call me crazy,
but I believe him.
So we find the damn Primers,
we'll catch him.
You gotta hand it to him:
not easy to find a needle
in a needle stack. Yeah,
especially when the only guy
who knows which is which is dead.
Man, I know everything
about these kicks
and I can't tell the
difference. That's funny,
considering a real one
costs ten times as much.
NIKKI: Yeah, tried weighing 'em.
Every sneaker's
the same 15 ounces.
CHARLIE: All right,
hot off the presses:
the results from my
skid row distribution
search.
Although now I'm thinking
that this information
is obsolete.
NIKKI: New problem.
One of these is
the authentic pair.
Really?
Hmm.
Um, you could
compare material bases
using a cross-dissection.
Uh,
is he suggesting we cut
open a pair of Final
Edition Primers?
Buoyancy, then.
If these counterfeits
are made from a mold,
than a buoyant force
acting on a counterfeit
would be different from
a buoyant force acting
on an authentic pair.
Buoyancy means water, right?
Not on hand-stitched
tumbled leather.
Charlie, is there a way
to do it without destroying
a pair the shoes?
There is.
I would need an
authentic pair of Primers.
♪ ♪
♪ Right foot out ♪
♪ Left foot pause ♪
♪ Right foot in,
left foot stall ♪
♪ Right foot front ♪
♪ Left foot pause ♪
♪ Right foot in and
back and forth and... ♪
You know what?
I need more sneakers.
(calls): Where's the assistant?
(grunting)
Sorry.
Thought I might have
slipped a disc back there.
CHARLIE: You okay?
Yeah, yeah, no,
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I can't believe they
use the word "air"
to describe these things.
This the way you treat
all your lab assistants?
No.
Actually, they spend a week
of horticultural
boot camp at the Eppes house.
I see. That's who cuts our lawn.
I'll be back.
Hey. CHARLIE: Hey.
Nice shades.
Thank you.
Who puts the
Coppertone on who first?
Actually, this machine
has no impact on
skin pigmentation.
Yeah, hyperspectral
imaging just simply collects
and processes information
from across the
electromagnetic spectrum.
How's it do that?
By seeing all
ranges of light,
from the visible
to the ultraviolet.
In much the same manner
as a mantis shrimp.
Who curiously are
neither mantis nor shrimp.
They just look alike.
These are the guys
that are going to help us?
Okay.
It's a little bit like
this stress ball.
Now, it may resemble
the far heavier paperweight,
but they have different
core properties.
Ow!
What are you doing?
I just thought you
were gonna catch it.
The hyperspectral sensors
collect information
as a set of images.
And then that information
is combined to
form a 3-D picture
which reveals
the object's true
properties. And...
by testing these warehouse
shoes along with the authentic
Primers, the hyperspectral
will tell us which of
these pairs is identical
to the authentic pairs.
(beeping)
Sneakers and shrimp
with X-ray vision,
I remember when zippers
on kicks were cutting-edge
technology. You talking
about KangaROOS?
I had a pair of ROOS
in the second grade.
Wore them everywhere.
I used to keep quarters
in the zipper pockets.
For the ice cream man? Yep.
Man, the sneaker game.
Some call it a subculture,
but I think it's about
back in the day memories.
Nothing better than
somebody asking,
"Where'd you get those?"
Right?
In a neighborhood
full of afterthoughts,
dope pair of kicks made a
kid feel good about herself.
♪ ♪
Well, it's been
relayed through the ether
that your time with
us may be short.
FBI made me an offer that I...
I just couldn't refuse.
I congratulate and commend you.
Decisions that
take us away from family...
those are, those are...
well, they're not easy ones.
It's not that hard.
Older brother's busy
with the State Department.
Younger brother's in prison,
and father died years ago.
If I turned down a
promotion like this,
I don't get another
shot for three years.
Well, new opportunities
sometimes require
just kind of leaving
others behind.
And in my case, I
found my new family.
The people I work with,
laugh with, think with.
So,
I suppose I found
my reason to stay.
None of these
shoes are authentic.
And yet, they still manage
to keep your feet
from getting dirty.
(groans)
Oh, look at that. Size 12.
You don't start talking soon,
you're on your way
back to Shkoder.
Diddums has the Primers.
When he came back
to the warehouse
for the real pair,
he put a gun in my face,
so I told him where
to find the shoes.
Why didn't you tell us
this to begin with? (laughs)
Uh, I figured I could make
bail, hunt down Diddums myself.
Win, win.
Take the shoes or his money.
Hunt him down where?
(tires squealing)
FBI! FBI!
BOTH: Get down!
I got Diddums!
You, down!
(grunts)
Hands behind your
back. Spread your legs.
(grunts)
Got my running shoes on today.
Nice. Where are the Primers?
Primers what?
Oh.
That's a lot of
cash you got there.
Found it under my pillow.
He's erased his call history.
Hey, don't bother checking
the SIM chip, either.
I torched that, too.
(grunts) Your uncle
teach you how to do that?
Hey. Oh.
Take a look at this.
(phone beeping) Nice!
(David sighs)
(phone ringing through)
♪ You gotta be a Bit O'
Nutz In This World... ♪
(beep) LIZ: Now,
why would Vic Moritz
give you his number?
Better question.
Why didn't anybody teach
you not to write on your hand?
Come on, genius.
This way.
Yo, where have you been?
I've been calling all day.
I've been going crazy.
Get your hands behind
your back. What?
Crazy to hire thieves to
steal from Randall Nespola.
Oh, okay, okay, listen.
I mean, maybe we
can work something out.
Uh, you know, you like
autographed CDs or something?
Where are the sneakers?
I don't know, man. I
wish I could tell you.
You know, I hear in jail,
the term Bit O' Nutz has
a whole different meaning.
Wait, wait. You
are not hearing me.
Look, I had the
Primers, as in past tense.
DON: Unbelievable.
MORITZ: Think you
don't believe this?
Imagine waking up to this.
NIKKI: I usually chase people
in sneakers, not the
sneakers themselves.
(laughs)
What's it called
when deja vu is real?
It's called "we
missed something."
Diddums is in custody,
we searched his place, no shoes.
Moritz could have hidden
his collection somewhere else.
Let's go with what we have.
Techs say that a torch
was used to open the vault.
Now, they also found
a point of entry...
Broken window in the garage.
A straightforward
smash-and-grab.
For an entire vault of shoes?
NIKKI: Well, maybe the thief
knows how to fence sneakers.
Or he's trying to throw us off.
The real prize
here is the Primers.
Who knew about the Primers
and has the ability
to pull off big heists?
Doesn't seem like
Stephanois' style.
But he is getting old,
and he's in a hurry.
Ticket to Tahiti.
DAVID: Stephanois
is in the wind,
so I figured 24 hours tops
to move the shoes.
You know, I can't help
but relate this conundrum
to Shipwrecks and Sneakers.
Okay, what's that?
(exhales)
Well, it could work
as a method of telegraphing.
We reverse the focus.
We use the elements
we know to predict
where the shoes
will float to.
Right. For David it works.
LARRY: Well, what do we know?
The market value of the shoes,
and the sneakerheads who
might be interested in them.
Right. And the telegraph
process links these two factors.
It measures risk versus reward.
It gives us a third factor...
The most likely buyer.
I mean, we all play pinball.
Think of the
Primers as a pinball.
Now, the number of
buyers is already limited.
The level of risk involved
with purchasing the shoes
tells us where the bumpers are.
Now, the Primers are
extremely high-priced.
They're high-profile.
They're high-risk, considering
they're stolen property.
So the number of
possible avenues,
of possible buyers,
considering all factors,
becomes extremely limited.
In fact, the buyer
with the least risk
and the greatest
ability to purchase
is the same person that
we might least suspect.
The original owner.
All right, hold it.
Hands behind the back.
You know the drill.
I suppose Tahiti will
have to wait, huh?
But you'll always
have Paris, right?
Must have just sold the shoes.
Got your call, Eppes.
Didn't believe it till
Stephanois showed up.
Where's Nespola?
Inside.
Technically, he's
on foreign soil,
so he's got diplomatic immunity.
Yeah, he may have
immunity, but the shoes don't.
They're my Primers!
DON: They're stolen,
and they're evidence
in a murder case.
NESPOLA: You know,
I'm Foreign Consul.
I don't, uh... I don't have
to cooperate with the FBI.
NIKKI: Yeah, you're right.
But the Primers
are coming with us,
which means they'll
be in evidence.
You never know how
long that could take.
Who knows how the sneakers
will be treated once they get there?
Man, some of the stories
I heard about evidence.
Oh, yeah, I've heard some. Phew!
(drops pool stick on table)
If I cooperate,
you promise you're gonna
take care of the Primers?
You gonna make
your auction payment?
(sighs)
No scuff marks on
the shoes, okay?
Listen, whoever is in evidence,
please, you got to make sure
that they know
what they're doing.
You cannot put
them in direct sunlight.
Just give us the
damn shoes, huh?
(sighs)
So, anyway, I just put
it in a box inside the...
Closet? Really?
Yeah, well, my vault's
voice recognition
won't be reconfigured
for another week, okay?
So, until then...
Oh, no.
(laughs) Come on.
I just put them there.
Oh, here we go again.
(rhythmic bouncing of ball)
That sounds like...
(drops box)
Dad, I saw you
hide these, but they're so cool!
Best birthday ever!
These are for me, right?
Let's say, uh, we'll give
your dad a second, okay?
Show him what you got. Let's D.
Little bit of D.
Get up. (laughs)
Hand-stitched leather,
candy-painted chassis,
carbon fiber steel shank plates
in each sole.
And a smile on your kid's face.
Buy the shoes for him.
Yeah, look at how
much fun he's having.
DAVID: Come on,
play some D, baby!
I got you. Give it up!
All right, that's you.
♪ What's in store for
the memories and me? ♪
♪ But I already know it ♪
♪ How much did I
pay for this life? ♪
♪ Or do I ♪
♪ Already own it? ♪
♪ I always get too close... ♪
(whispers): Just
put it on the table.
NIKKI: Hey, hey.
You got a name for
your company? Not yet.
I don't think Phil Knight
came up with Nike
till he got his first shoe.
Nespola made his
auction payment.
Here's your commission check.
(gasps)
Yeah, he was in a generous mood.
That's cool.
Good looking out.
Now, you can quit your job,
you know, do
this thing for real.
You know I'll bring the heat.
Okay, I just got one request.
What's that?
Can you make me a pair
with zippers on the side?
Sure. (laughs)
Liz said she'd call us
when she lands in Denver.
Hey. Hey.
Well, anything for me?
Uh, no. Sorry. This
is... actually, it's all me.
So check it out. John Maeda...
He's a professor at MIT...
He, uh... he designed
a pair of kicks
based on his own algorithms,
so I thought I'd do the same.
Check these out.
What do you think?
Hidden Markov model on the toe.
Uh, some Hermetian random
matrixes on the tongue.
And, uh, social network
analysis throughout.
Air Geeks.
(laughter)
Okay, dinner is almost ready.
Tonight, you all have the
honor of having, uh, goulash.
Hungarian for
whatever's in the fridge.
What's up, Pop? You had a
bad day at the lab or something?
Yeah, that's, uh, very funny.
(doorbell rings) Oh.
Now just keep on laughing.
Think I'm gonna change my will.
Oh.
On my way over,
look who I found.
ALAN: Hey.
Oh.
Aren't you supposed
to be on a plane?
I was.
And then I looked at my boots.
I've, uh... had these
boots for seven years.
I've worn them into the ground.
I've replaced the
heels, the zippers.
But I'd never give them up.
So if I can't let go of a...
pair of boots, then...
why the hell would I ever let go
of a great situation like this?
A great job
doesn't compare to a great life.
You guys are family.
Well said. ALAN: Wait a minute.
Did you just compare
us to a pair of old boots?
I did.
DON: How do you know we
were even gonna take you back?
Yeah. Well... Just sit down.
Speaking of old boots,
let's eat some goulash.
Definitely changing
my will, definitely.
(laughter)
♪ About as subtle as
an earthquake, I know ♪
♪ My mistakes were made ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ And in the backroom of
a bad dream, she came ♪
♪ And whisked me away ♪
♪ And confused ♪
♪ And it's as solid as a
rock rolling down a hill ♪
♪ The fact is that it
probably will hit something ♪
♪ On the hazardous terrain ♪
♪ And we're just
following the flock ♪
♪ Around and in between,
before we're smashed ♪
♪ To smithereens ♪
♪ Like they were ♪
♪ Then we scramble
from the blame ♪
♪ And it's the fame that
put words in her mouth ♪
♪ She couldn't help
but spit them out ♪
♪ Innocence and arrogance ♪
♪ Entwined ♪
♪ In the filthiest of minds ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She was bitten ♪
♪ On her birthday, and now ♪
♪ A face in the crowd ♪
♪ She's not ♪
♪ And I suspected
now forever the shape ♪
♪ She came to escape is forgot ♪
♪ And it's a lot ♪
♪ To ask her not to sting... ♪
(whispers): Not
what we're here for.
♪ Around your
crooked conscience ♪
♪ She will wind ♪
♪ ♪
Don't move.
Put your hands
in the air and face
the wall.
Hands in the air
and face the wall.
(electrical crackling, grunting)
Browner Dunn,
Diplomatic Security.
Thank you for responding.
Don Eppes. Looks like
you got it covered here.
Rooftop entry, hacked security,
and it sounds
like a high-tech B and E.
The Brazilian consulate
has two Andrades,
a Portinaris,
and a diamond collection
that rivals DeBeers.
None of it was touched.
Your guy probably
scared 'em off.
Where's he at?
Yuson... he was gone
when we got here.
He hasn't checked in
in 90 minutes.
DAVID: Any chance
he was in on it?
Not likely.
The guy's a Boy Scout.
They took out the main cameras.
Whoever it is, they
have a blueprint
on how to beat a
biometric security system.
But not an attention to detail.
I checked with the neighbors.
Their garage camera
covers the hall window.
That's Yuson.
There's more.
All right, so where is he?
According to the footage,
this is the only place
they could have gone.
They couldn't have
made Yuson disappear.
(tapping)
This painting is speaking to me.
Listen.
(tapping)
Hey, does this thing move?
How'd you...? It
worked for Batman.
DUNN: Looks like a voice
recognition trigger lock.
DAVID: FASR.
Quantico's been
testing this thing.
The lock responds to voice
passphrases from the owner.
Consul Nespola's been in Brazil,
visiting his son.
We haven't been
able to reach him.
There's probably
not much air, right?
NIKKI: What about
the vault designer?
DAVID: No, that wouldn't
help; you need Nespola's voice.
I'll call LAFD, have
them drill it open.
Reinforced steel versus a drill?
Drill loses.
You think we can pick it?
CHARLIE: You know, we don't need
Nespola's vocal
chords to get his voice
'cause he's a public figure.
I've got 27,521
views on YouTube.
I...
love... Rum-pel-stilt-skin.
DAVID: That's an
ocean of clips, Charlie.
How do we narrow that
down to a passphrase?
I'm using a wavelet analysis
to supersmooth the
rapid word combinations.
The English language
has 44 phonemes,
which are sounds
inherent in human speech,
and that's what
voice recognition
is based on.
God-zill-a... grew...
up... in the favelas.
So it keys on the
sounds within words
instead of the words themselves?
CHARLIE: And all we need is
the right combination
within those 44.
NESPOLA: God...
honor... country... football.
CHARLIE: It's like walking
into a junkyard...
and you're surrounded by dozens
of cars that no longer run,
so you start collecting parts...
Carburetors, radiators,
pistons, transmissions.
You clean 'em off, you
see which parts still function,
you put 'em together,
mixing and matching until
you find a combination that runs.
NESPOLA: Goody...
good-y... two... shoes.
Yeah,
you got it. (whirring)
Oh, my God.
DON: You all right?
DUNN: I'm gonna take this off...
YUSON: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Let me get this straight.
You pass up paintings
and diamonds for...
Sneakers?
All right, I can understand
stealing gold, stealing art,
but who pulls a heist for shoes?
Who keeps 'em in a vault?
This Consul Nespola
dude's got to be
a hard-core shoe collector.
Look, I know guys who
stand in line for days
for a pair of kicks.
You're kidding me... for shoes?
Aren't you the guy with, like,
35,000 comic books?
He's got dead stock Waffles,
Micropacers,
So-Cal Exclusives. A collection
like this has got to
be worth millions.
Look, kicks
are status symbols.
All right? You live in Malibu,
you drive a Maserati.
You live on Slauson,
you wear Jordans.
How do you know so much
about it? I got a
four-year degree
from the streets of
Compton and Watts.
Yeah, but they stole one pair.
Judging from what
they left behind,
they're something special.
All right, well, thieves
are not complicated, right?
I mean, somebody hired them
or the shoes are headed
for the black market.
Yeah, either way, we got
about 24 hours before
the sneakers get moved.
(door opens)
Consul Nespola's here.
All the guy talks
about is shoes.
These right here...
Vintage Brazilian Adidas.
Paid $300 for 'em,
sold 'em for $5,000.
This is the new stock market.
Oil... unreliable,
real estate... in the toilet.
But in shoes you trust?
Listen, I go after big paydays...
Made my fortune in junk bonds...
But before I was consul,
I was a kid who
couldn't afford sneakers,
and now I can, so I do.
You got a picture of the ones
that were stolen, by any chance?
(scoffs)
Picture of every pair. Uh...
(clearing throat): Okay,
these are the 2-K Primers.
Oh, yeah, I know Primers.
My brother wanted a
pair when we were kids.
Mm. Parents paid rent instead.
(chuckles) What's so special
about these? What's so...?
Give me that.
This is the very first pair
of the Final Edition Primers
off the assembly line...
Serial number 001.
(groans)
That means
I paid $250,000
for these at auction.
Do you have any idea what
they're going to be worth
in five years? No,
and I don't really care, but
I do notice that you bought
most of them in the last year.
Is that true? Well, what I lack
in experience, I make
up for in aggressiveness.
Well, that can't make
the other collectors happy.
Oh, the other collectors
can kiss my Converse because
no one was supposed to know
I had these Primers.
That auction was
allegedly closed.
Who was in charge of the sale?
La-La Buendia...
Works for 2-K Shoes.
DON: Hey, congratulations
on that promotion.
Yeah, Supervisor
of Organized Crime.
I head to Denver at
the end of the week.
Yeah, it's cold there.
It's a great department. Yeah?
Great opportunity.
All right.
So, stealing shoes has
young and dumb
written all over it,
but your thieves
manipulated voice recognition.
So maybe someone
shares their MO?
Yeah,
why don't you run it by Charlie?
Find a heuristic that'll
cut down the time?
I don't know, maybe you
have been here too long.
♪ Hey, is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it ♪
♪ If you're down for me, I
ain't funny, I'm committed ♪
♪ Don't be lying to me,
all I wanna do is get it ♪
♪ Hey, little mama, you
should let me be your daddy ♪
♪ Is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it... ♪
Who knew that shoes could
bring the world together?
Just do not step
on anyone's feet.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what's up?
Hey, if you're here for
the Primer bracelets,
y'all need to get in line.
You don't let us inside,
you're gonna be the
one wearing bracelets.
What do the bracelets get you?
Final Edition Primers drop
on the general public in a week.
Everybody and their
moms is trying to cop.
Once the first pair
auctioned off for crazy money,
I guess the demand for
these went through the roof.
These priority bracelets...
They keep people
from mobbing each other
on the day of release?
Yeah.
I mean, it only raises the
hype, though, you know?
You want a discount,
yo, I can hook it up.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's okay.
Amita had a combinatorics
symposium in Kansas City.
I had a lecture on
synchronized chaos,
which is not at all
meant for one person.
What's the required reading?
Well, I checked with
our audio guys in Virginia,
and the bank's have been
using voice recognition technology
for the past few years.
It looks like an imposing list
of suspects
if we're simply
considering bank heists.
You know? Epic.
Yeah, well,
an epic search calls for
an epic search algorithm.
It'll, uh, it'll sort
suspects into segments.
(typing)
♪ Is you ridin' with me? ♪
♪ You want this
money, let's get it ♪
♪ If you're down for
me, I ain't funny... ♪
So, Ms. Buendia,
you were running the
auction for 2-K Shoes,
and Nespola said no
one was supposed to know
the identity of the
winning bidder.
Look, this was an auction
for the first pair of the
Final Edition Primers.
Word was gonna
get out, regardless.
Plus, who cares?
Nespola's a jerk. Any idea
who stole his shoes?
Every head in L.A.
wants that heat.
Me?
I'm on your side...
I don't get paid
until they're found.
What do you mean?
Well, Nespola froze
his auction payment
until the shoes are found.
That means no commission for me.
On a quarter
million dollar sale,
you do the math.
Thing about Nespola
winning the auction
is that everyone else lost.
Leaves a lot of angry bidders.
Well, bidding did
get hot and heavy
between Nespola and Bit O' Nutz.
Who?
DJ Bit O' Nutz.
The only sneakerhead
with a collection
bigger than Nespola's.
(giggling)
Oh, right there, right
there, right there.
(sighs) Yeah, girl.
Go a little lower...
That's right.
Daddy got a lot of
stress down there, girl.
All right.
(sighs) Come on, man.
This is not what I
call a happy ending.
We'd like to talk to
you for a few minutes.
What's up, Buster Brown?
Buster Brown?
Well, you know, they
say kicks say a lot
about a man, and, uh, yours
are screaming, "Supercop!"
So, you're Vic Moritz?
Is that right?
I prefer...
Bit O' Nutz.
♪ You gotta, gotta be ♪
♪ A Bit O' Nutz in
this world, world. ♪
Hit single.
DAVID: What's nuts
is you bidding six
figures on a pair of shoes.
Man, you can't argue with that.
That's love.
Look, I know everything there is
to know about Primers.
It all started with
Primer Nelson.
Busted ankle ended his
playing days in the league,
so he made kicks to
prevent injuries to others.
You mix tech with fashion,
and... (imitates bell
ringing) Primers became
a phenomenon. Vic, we
didn't really come here
for a history lesson. Yeah,
but it's who I am, baby.
I mean, I produced
my first single
to buy a pair of Primers.
So, you must
have been ticked off
when Nespola got
the Final Editions.
Hey, man, I'm not going to lie.
I mean, those
kicks are my grails,
but I don't need to steal
from a reseller like Nespola.
Mind if we take a look in
here? Fine. Excuse me.
♪ You gotta be a Bit
O' Nutz in this world. ♪
(chiming)
Hey, go ahead, toss
my crib if you want.
I ain't got nothing to hide.
Man, you are not gonna find
any Final Edition Primers here.
So, is that why you
sent threatening e-mails
to Nespola and La-La Buendia?
Look, man, I felt cheated,
so I sent a message.
Look, as you can see,
I am more intimidating
in an e-mail than
I am in person.
It's not about the money for me.
Oh, no?
No.
They say love...
is putting on a
fresh pair every day.
That's me.
I mean, ask around, man.
I mean, my reputation is nice.
I can't say that for Nespola.
CHARLIE: So,
looks like we're down
to dueling lists of
12 suspects here,
thanks to the
power of efficiency
through optimized searching.
I'm sorry, I'm kind
of nerding out on you.
Oh, no, I was just, uh...
I was having one of
those reflective moments.
Hey, Denver is
lucky to have you.
That's... that's
what they say, right?
It is a great opportunity.
It's a promotion.
Urban nomads are the
last great adventurers.
You know, I was just a
kid when I got to Princeton.
Charlie, when you graduated
from Princeton,
you were just a kid.
No, what I'm saying is, is that
you really never learn
more about yourself
than when you're on your own,
when you're away from family.
That's true.
Not everyone has
a family like that.
(typing)
DAVID: You know,
I'm just saying,
I don't even wear Buster
Browns, you know?
Does it matter? No, but you know
how much I paid for these?
MAN: Betancourt.
(chuckling): Cates.
How you doing? What's up?
This is David Sinclair.
Nice to meet you.
I saw your name
on the alerts for
that consulate heist.
Come on, check this out.
Guy runs through here.
He gets this.
All right, but how does
that connect to us?
You wear 250 G's
on your feet in skid row,
you're looking to get jacked.
Yeah, but who gets
jacked for one shoe?
Our Cinderfella
has no ID but prison tats.
The techs think
Eastern European.
All right, run his photo,
get it to immigration.
Okay, any description
of the shooter?
Witnesses say a
white guy in his 20s.
He argued with our dead guy
before chasing him down here.
Literally chased
him out of his shoe.
I thought breaking
a heel was bad.
Yeah, first thing our killer did
was go for the shoe,
but a crowd of looky-loos,
they scared him off
before he got to it.
NIKKI: Chased away
by the bum brigade?
And he dropped his gun.
Forensics is working on prints.
They can't find the other
shoe? On this street,
shiny new things tend
to disappear quickly.
(phone ringing)
Yeah, Betancourt.
Okay.
Yeah, great.
Yeah, that was Liz and Charlie.
They think they
found a possible match
on the MO from
our consulate heist.
I can't wait
to meet the guy that hacks
voice recognition
locks for a living.
Interpol says his
name is Stephanois.
(laughs)
He's French, too.
LIZ: Your rap sheet reads
like an encyclopedia
for thieves.
MAN: And...
I made a fortune.
Alas, all good things
come to an end.
Then again, a rendezvous
with two charming damsels...
always a pleasure.
Yeah, you know what
really makes us hot?
Stories about
biometric security.
I pulled diamond
heists in Paris,
art in Monaco...
Yeah, but see, that's
the thing about heists.
Sooner or later, you get caught.
Which is why I embrace
the peace and
quiet of retirement.
Interpol says you
adjusted your game.
Internet theft,
hacking speech recognition locks
on bank computers.
(chuckling)
Taking the life savings
of soccer moms was a tad banal.
Is that why
you switched it up again?
You know, lifting sneakers
from Randall Nespola.
Last night, I was having
dinner with my parole officer.
Steak was overcooked.
And I would never soil my craft
heisting something as trivial...
as tennis shoes.
Six-figure shoes
aren't so trivial.
Low six
or high six?
You buy it?
Well, let's see.
Extremely rare skill
set, lifelong criminal.
Maybe there's a connection
to Mr. One Shoe. I'll check.
You want to see if anyone tried
to fence the shoes
to other bidders?
Yeah, sure.
Hey.
I heard you're leaving me
to fend for myself
in the boys club.
Yeah.
That's good for you.
Boss of your own unit.
But you'll be
missed around here.
Thanks... and I think
you're doing all
right in the boys club.
Nah, girl, I'm just
trying to be like you.
(chuckling)
ALAN: Did you ever notice
how Professor Elliot
resembles a cobra?
LARRY: Psoriasis, hoodlike neck,
bites when angry.
Yeah, okay, I can see it.
CHARLIE: You were late to
solid state physics lab again?
By three minutes... I
mean, he locks the doors.
I'll never get my
lab hours at this rate.
LARRY: You know, Charles, there
are other labs
that would fulfill
your dad's
requirement. Oh, yeah.
Computation and neural
systems, for example.
Exactly. Fine, fine.
As long as the
professors aren't asses.
You're looking at
them. You... you...
(sighs)
(knock at door) Ah, there he is.
How's the great sneaker caper?
Well, the good news is
we found the right one.
Congrats.
But the left one
was lost, apparently
somewhere in skid row.
Ah, all right, so...
we're talking about
an item that's been
misplaced in an area
where its value has
yet to be determined,
so...
You know what, get us a
layout of the crime scene,
and we can run
an a priori probability
distribution search,
which won't tell you
where the shoe was picked up,
but it will give
you search zones.
Well, that sounds
like a lot of work
for sneakers.
Just give me a pair of Bubbas.
LARRY: I'm not
familiar with that brand.
Bubbas? CHARLIE:
They're a reference
to a variety of generic
brands... like, cheap sneakers.
Great for a fifth
grader, quantity-wise.
Not so great aesthetically.
DON: Right... hence my
having to wear golf shoes
for Little League.
Hey, hey, hey.
You were lucky you
didn't go barefoot.
You know, in an
area like skid row,
where no one
knows the difference
between Bubbas and Primers,
the preference for shoes
balances between need
and aesthetic value.
Sounds like "Shipwrecks
and Sneakers."
What's that? It's a true story.
The vessel Hansa was en
route from Korea to Portland,
when it lost all these crates
of sneakers overboard.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I read about that.
Yeah, they wound up on shores
from Oregon to Hawaii
in a pattern, depending
on what the brands were
or whether they
were rights or lefts.
And scientists
used the flow pattern
to trace the shoes
back to the spill site.
DON: Is this gonna
get us anywhere, or
are we just digressing?
When do I ever digress?
Thanks.
Hey, thanks for making the time.
We need to know if either
of these faces look familiar.
Uh, maybe one of them
sniffed around, trying to get
contact info off of one
of the auction bidders.
Never seen either one.
Um...
look, yesterday,
maybe I came off wrong.
The thing is,
that commission
is my seed money.
Future site of my company,
once I leave 2-K Shoes.
Oh, man,
I haven't seen anything in here
since TJ's Drug
Store cleared out.
I used to patrol the area.
Well,
it'd be nice to bring
business back.
You know, give some people jobs.
Make some affordable hot kicks.
Affordable and hot?
That's not an easy combination.
Yeah.
But it's more fulfilling
than selling shoes
that nobody wears.
Yeah, I got you.
So, no one approached you
about any of the bidders? No.
But I did get a call after the
auction about the bid amounts.
The guy didn't leave his name
and I didn't give any numbers.
LIZ: La-La gets a call
about the bid amounts,
probably gauging a market
value for fencing the shoes.
NIKKI: So we did a dump
on La-La's phone.
And we traced a call to a guy
who matches the description
of our skid row shooter.
NIKKI: Lee Diddums.
Popped for a GTA.
Liquor store
holdups before that.
LIZ: And Johnny Knoxville
stays busy. Oh, come on.
He's minor league.
Yeah, that's what I thought,
until I looked at
his earlier jobs.
Internet theft...
Using audio files.
LIZ: He was juvie at the time.
That's why he
wasn't in our records.
And during his time
in juvie he had a visitor.
Jean Stephanois.
Diddums is his kid? No,
his nephew.
Mother's maiden
name is Stephanois.
That apple fell far from the
tree and rolled down the hill?
All right, put an APB on him.
And let's
interview Stephanois again.
ICE ID'd our dead guy.
He's Ekin Zetroc.
He's Albanian, in
the country illegally.
I have an address.
I am going inside! You
have no business being here.
No, they're mine!
Yeah, say that again!
Say that again! DAVID:
And look who shows up
at the dead Albanian's house.
No, no, get out of my life!
What am I, your woman now?
(overlapping chatter)
If you're taking bets, I
got to go with Nespola.
Get back in your little
car and go home, my man.
We got the same car!
I don't know. Bit O'
Nutz could surprise.
You gonna hide behind
Why am I talking to you?
Your emails? Yeah?
(overlapping chatter) You know
why they call me
Nutz? 'Cause I'm about
to go loco on you right now.
Hey, hey, save it
for the Octagon...
(arguing)
Is that right?
Aren't your bank rolls a little
too large to be duking it
out on the street? I got a
call from some guy in there.
He's offering to sell my Primers
back to me. Yeah,
and I got the same
call, but no one
showed. It's hard to
show when you're dead.
All right. Looks like
our Albanian was trying
to set up a bidding war.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that?
You find my Primers?
We're halfway there.
Okay? Listen,
you spend that much on shoes,
they should stay on your feet.
He wore them?! He wore them?!
That ruins the value!
That ruins the value!
Things are looking
worse for Diddums.
Forensics came back on the gun.
He killed our skid
row stiff, Zetroc.
Yeah. Anything with the APB?
No, nothing yet.
We combed Zetroc's place.
Nothing there but Albanian junk,
so we grabbed his
cell phone records.
Traced the calls he made
to Nespola and Moritz.
And according to our interface,
came from a
warehouse on skid row.
All right, get on it.
FBI!
Don't move! I got him!
Get back here!
Hey!
Hold it!
Don't! Don't!
Nice jump.
NIKKI: Gotta be the shoes.
(both panting)
Yeah,
but which ones?
Diddums tied them up.
Left 'em in a backroom.
Stylish crew.
I thought that general release
date wasn't until next week.
NIKKI: Hey, why wait when
you can make your own?
Counterfeiters.
Use a mold from an authentic
pair to make knockoffs.
So, everyone
here's Albanian,
same as our dead friend,
Zetroc. Any idea
what Diddums was
searching for? No,
no one knows, but
they've seen him before.
He met with their bosses.
Bosses?
Ekin Zetroc,
and that guy...
Nadroj Ria.
RIA: I didn't know
Zetroc.
Really?
You know Albania, right?
Nice labor camps.
Makes Chino look
like Chuck E. Cheese.
NIKKI: Immigration'll
make sure you meet up with
your old friends.
I'd rather do prison
here than go back there.
All right,
start talking.
Diddums
stole a pair
of Final Edition Primers
from some rich guy.
We paid him $20,000
to borrow the shoes
for a few hours...
Make molds, take pictures.
We can knock out 100
counterfeits in a day.
But the other part...
That was Zetroc's idea.
The other part?
Switch the shoes on Diddums,
give him counterfeits.
Because,
naturally, one good
theft deserves another.
Zetroc said he could auction off
the real pair. But
Diddums killed him first.
So, what was Diddums doing at
the warehouse when we arrived?
The Primers Zetroc was
wearing were knockoffs, too.
Now he was going
back for the real ones.
We might be crooks,
but we're not stupid.
So where are
the originals?
Your-your nephew's a killer.
Lee can barely
wipe his backside
without screwing up,
much less commit murder.
You didn't tell
us pulling heists
was a family business.
My nephew
is on the shallow
end of the gene pool.
How about laying low,
you teach him that?
Is there anything in my history
that suggests this
kind of buffoonery?
I once owned a place in Tahiti.
Had I made that score,
I'd be there right now,
surrounded with beauties.
Well, you can think about that.
Call me crazy,
but I believe him.
So we find the damn Primers,
we'll catch him.
You gotta hand it to him:
not easy to find a needle
in a needle stack. Yeah,
especially when the only guy
who knows which is which is dead.
Man, I know everything
about these kicks
and I can't tell the
difference. That's funny,
considering a real one
costs ten times as much.
NIKKI: Yeah, tried weighing 'em.
Every sneaker's
the same 15 ounces.
CHARLIE: All right,
hot off the presses:
the results from my
skid row distribution
search.
Although now I'm thinking
that this information
is obsolete.
NIKKI: New problem.
One of these is
the authentic pair.
Really?
Hmm.
Um, you could
compare material bases
using a cross-dissection.
Uh,
is he suggesting we cut
open a pair of Final
Edition Primers?
Buoyancy, then.
If these counterfeits
are made from a mold,
than a buoyant force
acting on a counterfeit
would be different from
a buoyant force acting
on an authentic pair.
Buoyancy means water, right?
Not on hand-stitched
tumbled leather.
Charlie, is there a way
to do it without destroying
a pair the shoes?
There is.
I would need an
authentic pair of Primers.
♪ ♪
♪ Right foot out ♪
♪ Left foot pause ♪
♪ Right foot in,
left foot stall ♪
♪ Right foot front ♪
♪ Left foot pause ♪
♪ Right foot in and
back and forth and... ♪
You know what?
I need more sneakers.
(calls): Where's the assistant?
(grunting)
Sorry.
Thought I might have
slipped a disc back there.
CHARLIE: You okay?
Yeah, yeah, no,
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I can't believe they
use the word "air"
to describe these things.
This the way you treat
all your lab assistants?
No.
Actually, they spend a week
of horticultural
boot camp at the Eppes house.
I see. That's who cuts our lawn.
I'll be back.
Hey. CHARLIE: Hey.
Nice shades.
Thank you.
Who puts the
Coppertone on who first?
Actually, this machine
has no impact on
skin pigmentation.
Yeah, hyperspectral
imaging just simply collects
and processes information
from across the
electromagnetic spectrum.
How's it do that?
By seeing all
ranges of light,
from the visible
to the ultraviolet.
In much the same manner
as a mantis shrimp.
Who curiously are
neither mantis nor shrimp.
They just look alike.
These are the guys
that are going to help us?
Okay.
It's a little bit like
this stress ball.
Now, it may resemble
the far heavier paperweight,
but they have different
core properties.
Ow!
What are you doing?
I just thought you
were gonna catch it.
The hyperspectral sensors
collect information
as a set of images.
And then that information
is combined to
form a 3-D picture
which reveals
the object's true
properties. And...
by testing these warehouse
shoes along with the authentic
Primers, the hyperspectral
will tell us which of
these pairs is identical
to the authentic pairs.
(beeping)
Sneakers and shrimp
with X-ray vision,
I remember when zippers
on kicks were cutting-edge
technology. You talking
about KangaROOS?
I had a pair of ROOS
in the second grade.
Wore them everywhere.
I used to keep quarters
in the zipper pockets.
For the ice cream man? Yep.
Man, the sneaker game.
Some call it a subculture,
but I think it's about
back in the day memories.
Nothing better than
somebody asking,
"Where'd you get those?"
Right?
In a neighborhood
full of afterthoughts,
dope pair of kicks made a
kid feel good about herself.
♪ ♪
Well, it's been
relayed through the ether
that your time with
us may be short.
FBI made me an offer that I...
I just couldn't refuse.
I congratulate and commend you.
Decisions that
take us away from family...
those are, those are...
well, they're not easy ones.
It's not that hard.
Older brother's busy
with the State Department.
Younger brother's in prison,
and father died years ago.
If I turned down a
promotion like this,
I don't get another
shot for three years.
Well, new opportunities
sometimes require
just kind of leaving
others behind.
And in my case, I
found my new family.
The people I work with,
laugh with, think with.
So,
I suppose I found
my reason to stay.
None of these
shoes are authentic.
And yet, they still manage
to keep your feet
from getting dirty.
(groans)
Oh, look at that. Size 12.
You don't start talking soon,
you're on your way
back to Shkoder.
Diddums has the Primers.
When he came back
to the warehouse
for the real pair,
he put a gun in my face,
so I told him where
to find the shoes.
Why didn't you tell us
this to begin with? (laughs)
Uh, I figured I could make
bail, hunt down Diddums myself.
Win, win.
Take the shoes or his money.
Hunt him down where?
(tires squealing)
FBI! FBI!
BOTH: Get down!
I got Diddums!
You, down!
(grunts)
Hands behind your
back. Spread your legs.
(grunts)
Got my running shoes on today.
Nice. Where are the Primers?
Primers what?
Oh.
That's a lot of
cash you got there.
Found it under my pillow.
He's erased his call history.
Hey, don't bother checking
the SIM chip, either.
I torched that, too.
(grunts) Your uncle
teach you how to do that?
Hey. Oh.
Take a look at this.
(phone beeping) Nice!
(David sighs)
(phone ringing through)
♪ You gotta be a Bit O'
Nutz In This World... ♪
(beep) LIZ: Now,
why would Vic Moritz
give you his number?
Better question.
Why didn't anybody teach
you not to write on your hand?
Come on, genius.
This way.
Yo, where have you been?
I've been calling all day.
I've been going crazy.
Get your hands behind
your back. What?
Crazy to hire thieves to
steal from Randall Nespola.
Oh, okay, okay, listen.
I mean, maybe we
can work something out.
Uh, you know, you like
autographed CDs or something?
Where are the sneakers?
I don't know, man. I
wish I could tell you.
You know, I hear in jail,
the term Bit O' Nutz has
a whole different meaning.
Wait, wait. You
are not hearing me.
Look, I had the
Primers, as in past tense.
DON: Unbelievable.
MORITZ: Think you
don't believe this?
Imagine waking up to this.
NIKKI: I usually chase people
in sneakers, not the
sneakers themselves.
(laughs)
What's it called
when deja vu is real?
It's called "we
missed something."
Diddums is in custody,
we searched his place, no shoes.
Moritz could have hidden
his collection somewhere else.
Let's go with what we have.
Techs say that a torch
was used to open the vault.
Now, they also found
a point of entry...
Broken window in the garage.
A straightforward
smash-and-grab.
For an entire vault of shoes?
NIKKI: Well, maybe the thief
knows how to fence sneakers.
Or he's trying to throw us off.
The real prize
here is the Primers.
Who knew about the Primers
and has the ability
to pull off big heists?
Doesn't seem like
Stephanois' style.
But he is getting old,
and he's in a hurry.
Ticket to Tahiti.
DAVID: Stephanois
is in the wind,
so I figured 24 hours tops
to move the shoes.
You know, I can't help
but relate this conundrum
to Shipwrecks and Sneakers.
Okay, what's that?
(exhales)
Well, it could work
as a method of telegraphing.
We reverse the focus.
We use the elements
we know to predict
where the shoes
will float to.
Right. For David it works.
LARRY: Well, what do we know?
The market value of the shoes,
and the sneakerheads who
might be interested in them.
Right. And the telegraph
process links these two factors.
It measures risk versus reward.
It gives us a third factor...
The most likely buyer.
I mean, we all play pinball.
Think of the
Primers as a pinball.
Now, the number of
buyers is already limited.
The level of risk involved
with purchasing the shoes
tells us where the bumpers are.
Now, the Primers are
extremely high-priced.
They're high-profile.
They're high-risk, considering
they're stolen property.
So the number of
possible avenues,
of possible buyers,
considering all factors,
becomes extremely limited.
In fact, the buyer
with the least risk
and the greatest
ability to purchase
is the same person that
we might least suspect.
The original owner.
All right, hold it.
Hands behind the back.
You know the drill.
I suppose Tahiti will
have to wait, huh?
But you'll always
have Paris, right?
Must have just sold the shoes.
Got your call, Eppes.
Didn't believe it till
Stephanois showed up.
Where's Nespola?
Inside.
Technically, he's
on foreign soil,
so he's got diplomatic immunity.
Yeah, he may have
immunity, but the shoes don't.
They're my Primers!
DON: They're stolen,
and they're evidence
in a murder case.
NESPOLA: You know,
I'm Foreign Consul.
I don't, uh... I don't have
to cooperate with the FBI.
NIKKI: Yeah, you're right.
But the Primers
are coming with us,
which means they'll
be in evidence.
You never know how
long that could take.
Who knows how the sneakers
will be treated once they get there?
Man, some of the stories
I heard about evidence.
Oh, yeah, I've heard some. Phew!
(drops pool stick on table)
If I cooperate,
you promise you're gonna
take care of the Primers?
You gonna make
your auction payment?
(sighs)
No scuff marks on
the shoes, okay?
Listen, whoever is in evidence,
please, you got to make sure
that they know
what they're doing.
You cannot put
them in direct sunlight.
Just give us the
damn shoes, huh?
(sighs)
So, anyway, I just put
it in a box inside the...
Closet? Really?
Yeah, well, my vault's
voice recognition
won't be reconfigured
for another week, okay?
So, until then...
Oh, no.
(laughs) Come on.
I just put them there.
Oh, here we go again.
(rhythmic bouncing of ball)
That sounds like...
(drops box)
Dad, I saw you
hide these, but they're so cool!
Best birthday ever!
These are for me, right?
Let's say, uh, we'll give
your dad a second, okay?
Show him what you got. Let's D.
Little bit of D.
Get up. (laughs)
Hand-stitched leather,
candy-painted chassis,
carbon fiber steel shank plates
in each sole.
And a smile on your kid's face.
Buy the shoes for him.
Yeah, look at how
much fun he's having.
DAVID: Come on,
play some D, baby!
I got you. Give it up!
All right, that's you.
♪ What's in store for
the memories and me? ♪
♪ But I already know it ♪
♪ How much did I
pay for this life? ♪
♪ Or do I ♪
♪ Already own it? ♪
♪ I always get too close... ♪
(whispers): Just
put it on the table.
NIKKI: Hey, hey.
You got a name for
your company? Not yet.
I don't think Phil Knight
came up with Nike
till he got his first shoe.
Nespola made his
auction payment.
Here's your commission check.
(gasps)
Yeah, he was in a generous mood.
That's cool.
Good looking out.
Now, you can quit your job,
you know, do
this thing for real.
You know I'll bring the heat.
Okay, I just got one request.
What's that?
Can you make me a pair
with zippers on the side?
Sure. (laughs)
Liz said she'd call us
when she lands in Denver.
Hey. Hey.
Well, anything for me?
Uh, no. Sorry. This
is... actually, it's all me.
So check it out. John Maeda...
He's a professor at MIT...
He, uh... he designed
a pair of kicks
based on his own algorithms,
so I thought I'd do the same.
Check these out.
What do you think?
Hidden Markov model on the toe.
Uh, some Hermetian random
matrixes on the tongue.
And, uh, social network
analysis throughout.
Air Geeks.
(laughter)
Okay, dinner is almost ready.
Tonight, you all have the
honor of having, uh, goulash.
Hungarian for
whatever's in the fridge.
What's up, Pop? You had a
bad day at the lab or something?
Yeah, that's, uh, very funny.
(doorbell rings) Oh.
Now just keep on laughing.
Think I'm gonna change my will.
Oh.
On my way over,
look who I found.
ALAN: Hey.
Oh.
Aren't you supposed
to be on a plane?
I was.
And then I looked at my boots.
I've, uh... had these
boots for seven years.
I've worn them into the ground.
I've replaced the
heels, the zippers.
But I'd never give them up.
So if I can't let go of a...
pair of boots, then...
why the hell would I ever let go
of a great situation like this?
A great job
doesn't compare to a great life.
You guys are family.
Well said. ALAN: Wait a minute.
Did you just compare
us to a pair of old boots?
I did.
DON: How do you know we
were even gonna take you back?
Yeah. Well... Just sit down.
Speaking of old boots,
let's eat some goulash.
Definitely changing
my will, definitely.
(laughter)