Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 6, Episode 9 - Sons of the Tundra - full transcript

A new doctor moves into town with his wife; Holling yearns to join Maurice's exclusive stag club "Sons of the Tundra", and Ed eats a spirit trout that gives him the power to live future events before they happen.

(GOlN' UP THE COUNTRY
PLAYING)

The sky,
there's so much of it!

lt's Alaska, honey.

(MlCHELLE SlGHS)

CHRIS ON RADIO:
Hey there, CiceIy.

Chris in the Morning
with a big KBHR heIIo

going out
to Dr. PhiIIip Capra
and his wife, MicheIIe,

somewhere on the road
between SIeetmute and here.
Do you hear that?

As of today, CiceIy is back
in the primary heaIthcare
game.

Doc Capra comes to us
by way of LA,

where we understand
his group practice
recentIy went beIIy-up.



Where'd he get that?
We dissolved
the partnership.

Our new medicine man
is a graduate of Washington
University in St. Louis

and UCLA med schooI.

He speaks French,
enjoys biking.
Bienvenue a CiceIy, guys.

ls that great?

Of course, he could have said
a little more about you.

l sent along your resume,
you know.

lt doesn't matter.

He could have said,
''His lovely wife, Michelle,
is a professional journalist

''who's been published
in United Airlines'
Hemispheres

''and other publications."

Phil, it was a half-page
sidebar on sunscreens.

lt was very well-written.

Phil, look out!



(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

lt's a moose.

Yes, it is.

(SlNGlNG) Working for the man
every night and day

But I never Iost
a minute of sIeep

Worrying about the way
things might have been

Big wheeIs keep on turning

Proud Mary keeps on burning

RoIIing, roIIing,
roIIing, roIIing

RoIIing, roIIing,
roIIing, roIIing

RoIIing on the river

(METAL CLANGlNG)

(WlND WHlSTLlNG)

l see Lowell Grippo's got
his Green Mountain property
up for sale.

No good?

Come spring runoff,
a fellow has to wear
hip waders to get in there.

Thanks.

Say, how's that little girl
of yours doing?

Just getting over a cold,
l'm afraid.

You know how kids are
at this age.

Oh, excuse me, Holling.

Fraters.

Frater.

Frater.

MAURlCE: How's the
Bordeaux coming?

Now, l am having
a lot of trouble

locating that
Chateau Meyney you wanted.

MAURlCE: Well,
you'd better get on it,

because the Sons
of the Tundra dinner is
24 hours and counting.

Oh, by the way,
l've invited the new doctor
to the dinner tomorrow night.

l hope that meets with
the board approval.

He's here already?
May well be.

What's his name?
Capra?

Yeah, like the director.

Have you checked
him out, Maurice?

Yes, Lester.
UCLA medical school.

Board certified
in internal medicine,
gastroenterology.

And, unlike some
New Yorkers l could name,
he wants to be here.

Practically took the job
over the phone.

But we're not offering him
a membership, right?

No, no, no, just making him
feel welcome, that's all.

HOLLlNG: Afternoon, gents.
Hey.

Sons of the Tundra business?

(CHUCKLlNG)

How about a pitcher
and some nachos,

and an iced tea for me,
Holling?

Sure.

Who's going to be your
guest speaker this year
at the Seward dinner?

Well, we're still
working that out.

Say, have you heard about
Joe Cutler's ketch?

MAURlCE: Oh, you mean
the 75-footer

he's having built
in San Diego?

LESTER: Yeah, l understand
that he doesn't have
the scratch to finish it.

LE FLEUR: The hell you say.

(GRUNTlNG)

Thank you, Ruth-Anne.

Okay, Walt.

Oh, l'm sorry, Walt.

My fault.

Wow! Nice flamingo.

lsn't she a beauty?

Been a while since
l've done any landscaping.

Ed, would you give me a hand
with these tire chains?

Yep.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)
l'll get it.

Are you all right?

Fine.

Hello? Rudy!

You're kidding.

Rudy's coming up
for Thanksgiving.

Great.

PHlL: See that, honey?
They got my name
out here already.

Marilyn?

Good morning.

l'm Phil Capra.

Hi.

This is my wife, Michelle.

Hello.
Hi.

So, this is it, huh?

Uh-huh.

lt's quite charming,
in its own way.

Yes. Yes, it is.
lt's very sui generis.

Dr. Capra!
Maurice Minnifield.
Oh, Maurice.

l saw the car drive up,
so l thought...

Oh, Michelle?

Hi.

Well, Phil, you didn't tell me
what a beauty she is.

You've been
holding out on me.

You don't mind if
l call you Phil, do you?

No, of course not.
Oh, good, okay.

You didn't have any trouble
on the way up, did you?

No, no. Although
we did encounter
a moose, actually.

Oh, good, good.

Well, how do you like
our little gem?

lt's fabulous.

MlCHELLE: lt's kind of like
stepping back in time.

This is the America
we've been looking for.

And no zoning laws.

You know, Phil,
l was thinking that,
given your background,

we could make Cicely
the endoscopy capital
of the Alaska Riviera.

You know,
sort of a resort destination
for the colo-rectal crowd.

(LAUGHS)

You check in,
get a colonoscopy,
do a little fly fishing.

PHlL: Great idea.

Maurice,
you mentioned on the phone
that you owned a newspaper.

Michelle is a journalist.

Oh, is that a fact?

How would you like
your own column

in the CiceIy News
& WorId TeIegram?

Are you serious?

(CHUCKLlNG) Well, yeah.

l've got a piece
to finish up

on museum gift shops
for Southwest, but l...

Well, anytime you're ready.

ln the meantime,
please accept this token
of my appreciation.

Well, thank you
very much.

1961 Lafite Rothschild?

Welcome to Cicely.

(GRUNTS)

Thank you, Ruth-Anne.

Okay, Walt.

l'm sorry, Walt.

My fault.

Nice flamingo.

lsn't she a beauty?

Been a while since
l've done any landscaping.

(CHUCKLlNG)

Ed, would you give me a hand
with these tire chains?

Yes, ma'am.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)
l'll get it.

Watch out
for the water bo...

Thanks, anyway.

You all right?

l'm fine.

Say hi to Rudy.

Hello?

Rudy!

You're kidding.

Rudy's coming up
for Thanksgiving.

Great.

What about Mexican shrimp,
18 to 20 count?

ls it good? Okay.
Send me 80 pounds.

Right, okay.
Hello, Holling.

That's a lot of
fruits de mer.

Well, what can l
do for you?

Well, Maurice,
did l imagine it,
or some years ago,

did you invite me to join
the Sons of the Tundra?

You a member of the club?

Well, that's an
interesting concept.

l seem to recall
a conversation.

l'm total blank.

At the time,
if it did happen,

l'm sure l wasn't interested,

but times change,
a man's economic
circumstances...

l guess what l'm trying
to say is, Maurice,

that should the same
opportunity arise today,

l'd venture to say
that my response
would be different.

You realize that
the initiation fee is $2,000.

l can manage that.

Yeah.

Well, l'll bring it up to
the membership committee.

That is, if and when
we have an opening.

You know,
we've been full for years.

l thought Alex Hargrave's boy
just got in.

That's a legacy.
That was automatic.

What about Jack Foster?

Holling, as l recall,
Jack was inducted
as a non-resident.

He lives in Talkeetna.
That's special circumstances.

l see.

Sorry l can't help you.

l've got some mulligan stew
on the stove, l'll...

Thank you for your time,
Maurice.

Holling.

(CHUCKLlNG)
What was l thinking of?

You know,
Will Furman disappeared
in that blizzard last year.

He's been gone
for six months now.

l think we can call
his membership ''inactive."

Why don't you come
as my guest to the
Seward dinner tomorrow night,

and we'll talk about it,
kick it around
the membership committee?

Tomorrow?

Well, l'd have to move
a few things around.

Cocktails at 7:00.

l can make it. Thank you.

(FROGS CROAKlNG)

Kind of nice to see
something other than
a wolf range, huh, Phil?

lt's... lt's fine
in the short term.

We're planning to build.

Oh, nice.

Oh, you know,
we've been having
a little problem

with the grid
this side of town.

Oh.

Well, some new curtains,
recover the couch.

PHlL: What's that smell?

Oh, yeah, sure, absolutely.
l mean, Fleischman...

Dr. Fleischman
certainly never did
anything with it.

Needs a little clean-up job
over here, huh?

Oh! Oh, God.

Fleischman's Sunday
New York Times.

(STAMMERlNG) You know,
l kept telling him to recycle.

What exactly happened
to Dr. Fleischman, anyway?

Mr. Minnifield wasn't clear.

Well, he went back
to New York, right?

(STAMMERlNG)
Well, no, no, not exactly.

He just sort of
took a sabbatical.

You mean,
he's coming back?

No, l don't think so.

He's just out there.
Upriver.

Oh.

Did you know him well?

Pretty well.

Sort of, in a way.

Well, what did you think?

Honey?

l like it.

There's really nothing else
on the market?

No, not this nice.

Well, we'll take it.

What do you think, Randi?
Too much skin?

Mercy.

Later, H. l got to
pick out accessories.

Accessories for what?

For the Seward dinner,
silly.

You didn't give me
much warning.

Shelly?

Yeah, babe?

The Seward dinner
is what they call
a stag affair.

What?

lt's for men only.

You mean, l'm not invited?

Well, no women are.

The Sons of the Tundra
is a men's club, honey.

So?

So everything they do
is for men only.

Except for
the Santa brunch, you know,
where they distribute toys.

So you get all GQ'd out
just to hang out
with other guys?

Basically. Yeah.

Oh.

My joining is mainly
a business thing.

l'll make a lot of contacts,
move in different circles.

lt's what
they call networking.

Oh, yeah, no biggie.

Look at Mommy's pretty girl.

Do you like your hat?

(CLATTERlNG)

Hello?

Who's there?

(TlNKLlNG)

(CLATTERlNG)

WALT: ls this yours?

My arborio rice.

Found it back there.

Thanks.

l'm Michelle
Schowdoski Capra.

Walt Kupfer.

Nice to meet you.

How did my rice...

Mole, probably.

lt could have been a marmot.

lnside the house?

lnside, underneath.

Word to the wise:
Steel wool in all
cracks and crevices.

Thanks.

l'd ask you in for coffee,
but we're still unpacking.

Oh, that's okay.

Got to get the viscera
out of these puppies
before they rot.

Have a good one.

You, too.

Marilyn?

l thought we might
go over office procedure.

Please.

You've worked here
a long time, Marilyn,

and l would like to
defer to that experience.

So is there any procedure
that you would like to see
changed

or any piece of new equipment
we might need?

Toaster oven.

Toaster oven?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.
Let's talk about billing.

Okay.

Are we online with Medicare?
You know, by computer?

We don't have a computer.

Do we bill insurance
companies directly?

Sometimes.

Sometimes, meaning?

When Dr. Fleischman
told me to.

Okay, thanks, Marilyn.
That about covers it.

Okay.

ED: Dr. Capra.

Wh...

Hi, l'm Ed.

Ed.

Uh...

Well, what can l do
for you, Ed?

Well, why l'm here is,

l was wondering,
how do you go about
treating a broken foot?

Ouch. Where's the break?

Actually, see,
it might not be broken.

lt could just be
a bad bruise.

Well, why don't we just
take a look at it?

lt hasn't happened yet.

What?

No, see, not till tonight.

That's when Hayden Keyes
is going to step on it.

Uh, l don't understand.
Are you two guys having
a fight or something?

Nothing like that.
But it will be an accident.

Hayden's a pretty big boy.

You lost me.

lf it's going to be
an accident,

how do you know
it's going to happen?

Why, l saw it.
ln the future.

You can see the future?

Well, just since yesterday.

See, l ate this trout,
only it wasn't really
a trout.

What was it?

Well, you know.

No, no, no, l don't, really.

Y'eil.

Y'eil?

A raven.

Boy, can he be
a shape-changer.

l guess l should have known
at the time, you know,

with the way he was
staring up at me and all.

But l was really hungry
and l'd already cooked
the almond slivers, so...

You ate him.

Anyway, so, Dr. Capra,
l always forget.

Do you heat it
or put ice on it?

Joel?

Holling.

Ed told me
you had a new beard.

So how's it going up there?
You getting enough company?

This is a beautiful blade
you got here.
Kenai Toothpick.

Long radius, good heft.

Joel, is there something
l can do for you?

Holling, here's the thing.
l need a new skinning knife.

l broke the last one off
on this black-tailed buck.

You know, pelvic bone.

l see.

And since you're not
hunting anymore,

l thought maybe
we could make a trade,
so l brought some beaver.

Might make a good
wrap for the baby.

lt's good quality,
it'd be warm.

That's a handsome pelt, Joel.

Yeah, well,
a Kenai Toothpick's
worth more, huh?

You're right.
Bone handle, Solingen steel.

All right, we got...

l got some red fox
and some sable,
how about that, a deal?

(CHUCKLlNG)

Well, yeah.

All right.

l appreciate it.

l got some caribou
in the smokehouse,

l'll send some down
for you, okay?

Can l deliver
any messages for you?

Just send everyone my best,

and you can tell them
l'm always available
for consultation.

You know, Maurice
has got a new doctor.

l think that's appropriate,
right?

l'd like to meet him sometime.
See you.

l was going to laugh,
but l could see that
he was dead serious.

He actually believes
this trout was some
sort of spirit figure

that's given him the power
to see the future.
You know, Phil...

First he experiences
an event as a vision,
then it happens for real.

We're talking about
a full-blown delusional
fantasy.

This is not just another
biliary tract procedure,
honey.

This is why l got into
medicine in the first place.

Uh-huh.

For five years, l've been
looking at the world

through a flexible
sigmoidoscope.

There's so much more
to medicine than that.

You know, Phil,
while you were gone today...

You see, this could be
a hallucinatory episode,

or some form
of metempsychosis.

You know, if l can
help this young man
get over this crisis...

There was something
in the house today, Phil.

What?

Some kind of animal.
lt was eating and gnawing
and...

A rat?

lt took the arborio rice.

You're kidding.
lt took our risotto?

Maybe we should get a gun.

What?

Just a small one.
What do they call it?
A.22.

Michelle,
you wouldn't let me get
a gun in Santa Monica

after they ripped off
our car phone
for the third time.

You're right. Okay.
You're right.

Hey.

Hey, relax.

This is going to take
some getting used to.

(OWL HOOTlNG)

lt's amazing, isn't it?

All this life.

Well, too much, maybe.

Well, not too much,
just lots.

Give yourself some time.

Yeah.

Listen.

You hear that?

Hmm?

That's something we never
heard in Los Angeles.

Silence.

ls that something?

(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)

Rick, Adrian? Fraters.

No idea.

Oh, Roger?

Bring me a see-through,
would you, please?
Do you want one?

See-through?

Bombay gin on the rocks.

Yeah, that'll be fine.

And a couple of cigars,
please.

Romeo and Juliettas,
Churchill.

Oh, somebody l want you
to meet, Holling.

MAURlCE:
Good evening, frater.

Frater.
Frater.

Larry, l'd like you
to meet my guest,
Holling Vincoeur.

Holling,
this is Senator Monkton.
He's our guest speaker.

Please, Larry.

lt's an honor, sir.

Hey, you see that?
l mean, some guys still
respect their politicians.

LESTER: Not that
you deserve any.

Ah, don't listen to them,
Holling.

Listen, you can stop by
my office anytime.

Thank you, sir.
l will.

Yeah.

So when are we going up
in that T-38, Minnifield?

You name the date, Senator.

Right. Sorry SOB's been
promising to take me up
for years.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Yeah, me, too.

Let me show you
the Wall of Honors,
Holling.

WALT: lt was a Sitka deer.

Herb Goodrich got him
with a clean shot
through the lungs.

Went 10 yards and dropped.

Very impressive.

Bill Daily bagged
this beauty.

Barged into his tent,
didn't have time
to use his rifle.

Had to beat him to death
with an entrenching tool.

Of course, Bill can't use
the left side of his face
anymore.

Took 89 stitches.

Does every member
have to bag a trophy
to get in?

Has to be a mammal
over 300 pounds.

No whales, no roadkill.

l chair the committee.

Quite an honor.

Order of the sedge.

Only 1 2 of us
in the entire club.

My Latin is a little rusty.
GIacies fragenda est.

Something about breaking ice?

Around here it means,
''Make mine a double."

Waiter!

(CLEARS THROAT)

(GROANS)

Your shot, buddy.

Ed?

Sorry, Chris.

CHRlS: You just shot
the eight ball.

You guys through?

Your table,
Hayden.

Rack them up, boys.

At first l just thought
it was weird, you know?

A bunch of guys wanting to
get faced without babes.

But now, l'm PO'd.

lt just doesn't sound
like Fleischman.

Living in a remote
fishing village.
Hunting caribou.

Sons of the Tundra. Big wow.

l hope he's okay.

l'm sure he's okay.
l mean, he's a mature
person, right?

Kind of?

Huh?
Fleischman.

Oh. Oh.

l mean, he just
wouldn't flip out

'cause l called it quits,
would he?

l mean, he knew things
weren't working out.

Men just think
about themselves.

Maybe it was a little abrupt.
l don't know, maybe the end
was a shock.

But what was l
supposed to do?
Just let it drag on?

l refuse to feel
guilty about this.

l mean, l gave it my best.
Really. Mostly.

l mean, if he wants
to go play Davy Crockett,
that's his business.

Why should men have
all the fun, anyway?

What about us?

l don't know,
maybe it's healthy.

Maybe he's
working things out.

Yeah.

But skinning bears?
Fleischman?

Chris, if you had the power

to go back and change
the future, would you?

l mean, okay,
just say you could go
up to Bruce Willis and say,

''Don't make Hudson Hawk, ''
would you do that?

You'd be messing with
the space-time continuum.

Ed, you pull one string,
you never know,

the whole crazy quilt
might unravel.

Yeah.

The prime directive
from StarfIeet Command,

''Do not change history."

Juicy Fruit?

Sure.

(GROANS)

Oh, my.
Ed, are you okay?

My foot.

l'm sorry,
it was an accident.

l know, Hayden.
Oh, just get me some ice.

Dr. Capra says ice.

(SlNGlNG)
EzekieI saw the wheeI

Way up in the middIe
of the air

EzekieI saw the wheeI

Way in the middIe
of the air

That IittIe wheeI run by faith

And the big wheeI run
by the grace of God

There's a wheeI in a wheeI,
in a wheeI, in a wheeI

Way in the middIe of the air

You know,

l've always admired your
little operation, Holling.

Why, thank you, Gil.

Tell me, what's your
throughput

on one of those
''all you can eat''
spaghetti nights?

A hundred, 1 20 dinners?

We average 190.

No kidding?

(CLEARlNG THROAT)

Lloyd Hillegas and l are
looking for a partner

to help run our
Davy Jones' Locker
seafood franchise.

Do you want in?

Are you kidding?
l'd love it.

Let's have lunch,
the three of us,
and work out the details.

Good talking to you,
frater.

Same here.

(MEN CONTlNUE SlNGlNG)

...and he looks at him
like he's crazy.

So the one Athabaskan
turns to the other and says,

''Don't tell him,
he's Tlingit!''

(BEEPS)

Oh, no, no, stop!

(DOOR CREAKlNG)
Stop!

Phil?
Yeah.

l thought you'd be asleep.

Oh, this stupid computer.

What?

l was working on
my gift shop piece

when the whole screen
turned to hash.

l turned it off,
lost two pages,

and now it just
happened again.

lt's probably that problem
with the electrical grid

that Maggie
was talking about.

Oh, it's so frustrating.

So how was the dinner?

Weird. Almost surreal.

l got stuck
with this trapper.

Walt?

You know him?

We've met.

He doesn't strike me
as a joiner.

Well, he's a gray eminence
over there.

(CHUCKLlNG) You're kidding.

What's that?

lt's my contract.

What do you think?

Why?

You getting cold feet?

Are you?

We don't want to go back
to Los Angeles, do we?

l mean, we hate
Los Angeles, right?

Yeah, l do.

Except for my friends.
And Neiman's.

What's it for, a year?

Two. With a third year
option.

So what are we talking about?

Right.

We wanted an adventure,
right?

And we got one.

Does it bother you
just a IittIe bit

that the best
security system in the city

is for a guy
that's aIready dead?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Is that a probIem
with anybody?

Hey, what about
the soIemn pIedge, huh?
What happened there?

Hey, what, do you forget
the soIemn pIedge...

Hey, Shelly?
Guess who l met tonight.

You're in the way, Holling.

Senator Monkton.

And he told me
to call him Larry.

What is that
disgusting smell?

ls that a cigar?

Yeah, l suppose so.

Oh, get those clothes
out of here, Holling.

Sorry.
l had the greatest time.

Gil Le Fleur wants
to make me a partner
with Lloyd Hillegas,

and l sang with
a barbershop quartet.

(CHUCKLlNG)
You should have been there.

Right, l should have,
but l couldn't, could l?

Nope. Those without a johnny
need not apply.

What l meant was...

l can deal with it, Holling,
but what about Randi?

What about your own daughter
who's sleeping innocently
in there in her crib?

ls it her fault
she was born a girl?

How would you feel
if someone said Randi
couldn't go someplace

just because she doesn't
have the right plumbing?

Well,

l guess that would all depend
on the circumstances.

Forget it, Holling.

Truth is, l never really
thought about it before,
Shelly.

(SCOFFS) Duh, hey, now.

l guess l'll take a shower.

Fine.

The x-rays are negative, Ed.
No broken bones.

(SlGHS WlTH RELlEF)

That is a major league
contusion,

so l want you to stay
off of it for the next
couple of days, okay?

And use the cane.

Okay. Oh, and icing it
really helped, Dr. Capra.

Yeah, well,
l would have felt better

if you'd avoided
the whole thing, Ed.

l couldn't have done that.

(GRUNTlNG)

The responsibility
was too great
to the future.

Ed.

l think what we're
dealing with here

is a case of
self-fulfilling prophecy.

You know, you're right!
That's exactly what it is.

That's a great name for it.

No, what l mean is that,

you see, you thought
something was going to happen.

So your subconscious
made it happen.

Oh.

This accident
was not inevitable, Ed.

You fabricated the event.
Huh.

You understand?

Oh, sure.

Can l ask you a question,
Dr. Capra?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Why do you think it is
l can only see
a few time zones ahead?

l mean, why not in a week?
Or a month?

l mean, l have all these
important questions
l'd like to ask,

like, ''ls Yeltsin
going to make it?''

And, ''Will grunge last?''

Let me try and explain this
to you again, Ed.

Oh, that's okay, Dr. Capra.
Thanks anyway.

Oh, Dr. Capra.

Leo's Auto Shop,
they do excellent bodywork.

Leo's?
Yep.

They repaired Ruth-Anne's
front fender last year.

You cannot even
tell the difference.

Thanks, Ed.
l'll keep that on file.

(MAN SHOUTlNG)

(MAN WHlSTLES)

MAN: Come on, boy!

(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

MAN: Hey, watch out!

(HORN HONKlNG)

Hey!

(PEOPLE SHOUTlNG)

Gentlemen, l think we can
waive the hunting provision
in Holling's case.

We all know
what a marksman he was

before he traded
his Winchester in
for a Nikon.

l noticed you've left
the college section blank,
Holling.

l attended
the school of hard knocks.

l did get my high school
equivalency degree
a couple of years ago.

Holling, you're aware that
the Sons of the Tundra

are involved with a number
of charitable projects?

Yes, sir. l'm fully prepared
to meet my financial burdens.

LE FLEUR: Good.

lt's all deductible,
anyway, right?

This is a private club,
Holling.

No write-offs.

What Lester is saying,
Holling,

the only way
we can keep Uncle Sam
out of our hair legally

is to make sure everything
is paid for privately.

That means
no business checks,
no write-offs.

LE FLEUR: ls that going
to be a problem?

No, no.

Good.

Hey, Holling,
let me give you a hand.

Oh, thank you
very much, Chris.

Oh, buddy, she's gonna
break some hearts one day.

(COOlNG)
Yeah, yeah,
she's something.

Let me ask you something,
Chris.

Yeah.

You think
it's wrong of me to join
the Sons of the Tundra?

Wrong? That's a relative
question, Holling.

l mean, ethically,
fiscally, morally?

Well, Shelly thinks
it's wrong.

Seeing as how
they don't allow women.

Well, that's a good point.
l mean, clearly,

there's discrimination there,
you know.

Overtones of misogyny.

But it could be worse,
you know.

lf she were born
in certain parts
of lndia or China,

she might have been
thrown out with the trash.

You're joking.

Uh-uh, they want little
baby boys there, Holling.

Thrown out?

You know, being shut out
of the Sons of the Tundra

might give her
a little complex one day,

but that's small potatoes
compared to infanticide,
you know.

Still, l don't want to
give her a complex.

Well, she's going to get one
whether you join or not.

She is?
Yeah, look.

When she raises her hand
the same time as little Jimmy,

who do you think
the teacher is
going to call on

9 times out of 10?

How many Fortune 500 CEOs
do you see that are women?

Just hardwired
into our culture.

(SCOFFS)

Yeah. lt's not your fault,
not mine.

You know, you want to
hang out with the big boys
and get stewed,

light cigars
with five-dollar bills,
l say go for it, Holling.

Chris, did you ever
want to join?

Me? Nah.

l got all that male bonding
stuff out of my system
in the joint.

l've always had
that Groucho Marx line
working for me.

You know, ''Wouldn't
want to join any club

''that would have me
as a member."

(GASPS)
ED: Mrs. Capra?

What?
Oh, l'm sorry.

l'm Ed.

Ed.

l'm here to see Dr. Capra.

Oh, Ed.
Phil's told me about you.

ls he around?

No, no, he isn't, Ed.

Forgive me. There was
an animal in the house.

That's okay.

l don't believe it.
My computer key,
it's missing.

What's that?

How am l going to
turn my computer on
without the key?

l've got a deadline.

Sounds like a raccoon.

What?

Yeah, they like
real shiny objects.

They do?

lt's a thing with them.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Here you go, Eugene.

Thanks, Earl.

What is it, Eugene?

Sons of the Tundra.

Do you mind?

Sure.

Do you really think
we can find it?

Oh, yeah, maybe.

l'm not as good a tracker
as my Uncle Anku,

but l'm pretty good,
Mrs. Capra.

My God.

A week ago,
l was at Starbucks having
a decaf latte with friends,

and now l'm on the trail
of a larcenous rodent.

They're carnivores, actually.

What?

Raccoons.
You called it a rodent,

but technically,
it's a carnivore.

Oh.

Yeah, raccoons, rodents.
They're both mammals, though.

Do you know a rodent's teeth
never stop growing?

l didn't realize that.

Yeah.

lf they're not gnawing
on stuff to wear them down
all the time,

their incisors will grow
right up through their skull
and kill them.

Really?

Yeah. Nature can be
funny sometimes.

Okay, here we go.

What?

See, raccoons are
very clean, Mrs. Capra.

They like to wash everything.

Bingo!

My Sundance bottle opener.
Tricky raccoon.

Do you see my key?

Does it have
a silver ring around it?

Yes, you found it!

He must have dropped it
or something.

Looks pretty deep.

l'll go get it.

No, l'll go.

You sure? l don't mind.

No, you have a bad foot, Ed.

l don't mind.

Besides, it's my key.
l'll get it.

Okay.

Here goes.

(GASPlNG)

ls it cold?

Kind of, yeah.

That's all runoff.
That was snow
a few hours ago.

Oh.

A few more feet.

You're right on top of it.

Oh, great.

l can't reach it.

All right!

Why, Maurice?
Just tell me why.

l'm sorry, Holling.

Was it money? Education?

Holling, you know
l can't discuss this.
lt's against club rules.

l will tell you that
it only takes one vote
to blackball.

That's the way it is.

lt was McAllister,
wasn't it?

His wife has
never forgiven me
for that rib dinner.

l told her how to
get the barbecue stain
out of the silk

without ruining it.

l even offered
to buy her a blouse.

l know Tanya, she just
loves to hold a grudge.

Okay, if that's the way
you want to play it.

Holling, it wasn't McAllister.

Who was it, then?

l've said too much already.

lf this gets out,

it means
my immediate expulsion
without an appeal.

Maurice, you know
l would never do anything

to jeopardize your
standing with the club.

lt was Lester.

Lester?

He's got a thing
about Huguenots.

Huguenots?

You're telling me
just because my
great-great-granddaddy

was a French Protestant
300 years ago...

You can't get into
a man's head, Holling.

Thank you, Maurice.

Oh, man.

What happened to you?

What happened to the car?

Ed? Could l talk to you
for a minute?

Sure, Dr. Capra.

MlCHELLE: l'm freezing,
l'm going inside.

Did you see this happening?

l mean, that suggestion
about Leo's Auto Shop.

Did you actually see
the truck coming
around the corner

and the beer keg
breaking free?

So that's what it was.
l wasn't sure if it was that,

or maybe a 55-gallon drum
full of heating oil.

But you really saw it
hit my car?

Uh-huh, that's what
l came to talk to you
about, Dr. Capra.

See, l'm not having them
anymore. They're gone.

l think 'cause the fish
has left my system.

l took a nap this afternoon,
and when l woke up,
l just knew it.

No more visions.
That raven's a real trickster.

l talked to Leonard,
he's my shaman instructor.

He says that the whole
experience has been

a very positive stage
in my spiritual development.

He's very encouraged.

(STAMMERlNG) Good, good.
That's very good, Ed.

Excuse me.

Sure, Dr. Capra.

Phil?

l'm going to go
lie down a while.

(HORN HONKlNG)

Hey, Shelly.

You know,
we've been talking about
expanding the business

for a long time.

We could serve
half the borough
with this baby.

Awesome.
Yeah.

l had my eye on this crate
for some time.

Finally got Dave Larwood
to talk sense,
and here we are.

How much?

Five-fifty.

But don't worry
about the money.

l'm not going to be
spending anything
on Sons of the Tundra.

They rejected me, Shelly.

Huh?

One vote.

They can bite me.

lt's okay.

l'd never want to join
a club that would have me
as a member, anyway.

(LAUGHS)

Did you make that up?

Yep.

Hey, ladies,
how about a little spin?

Okay, want to go for a ride?

Say ''yeah."

(AlN'T THAT LOVE PLAYING)