Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 6, Episode 2 - Eye of the Beholder - full transcript

Hey, some ranchero
Lester Haynes got himself,
huh?

Well, you know, Reynaldo,
Lester is pretty rich.

Why we're here, Ed.

Haynes' kind of bread,
a certain element's going to
try and grab a slice.

Take this case. Slip and fall.
lnsurance fraud.
Pays the P.I .'s bills.

Wow. Me involved
in a fraud investigation.

HEATHER: Mr. Pinetree?
You're a little early.

Oh, afternoon, miss. We're
here to see Mr. Haynes.

Ed Chigliak?
Are you with him?

Well, part-time.

Look, Dad had to go to Calgary
for a bull auction.



But the insurance guy's here,
Mr. Lewis.

He's taking pictures out back,
you know, where it happened.

This way, miss?

I'll tell you one thing,

I don't know what
that Hayden Keyes
is trying to prove.

He's lying through his teeth.
He didn't hurt his back
or his neck.

He got up
and walked away.

So you saw it?

Well, I saw it,
but I was in the house.

You guys want something
to drink or anything?

No, thanks,
we had a couple of RCs
on the way over.

HEATHER: Mr. Lewis?

Bill Lewis, here.
Anchorage Casualty.

Reynaldo Pinetree.
My operative, Ed Chigliak.



Mr. Chigliak.

Basically, Mr. Pinetree,
the situation.

Claimant Keyes was
on the insured's property
in performance

of his regular duties
of yard work
and light construction.

Okay.

He was toting a load of
chicken wire from his truck
over in the parking area.

Proceeding through here to
the hound run site there.

Building a hound run? Okay.

Now, here, adjacent to
the northwest corner
of the garden,

he steps on his rake,
rake cantilevers up,

strikes him in the face,
he loses his balance,
and over he goes.

Yeah, well, I just can't
believe he'd sue my Dad.

$50,000. It's so mean.

But, Heather, I saw Hayden
in town. And, well, he had a
neck brace on and everything.

He was walking with one of
those little aluminum dealies.

Keyes wouldn't be
the first con to step into
a medical supply store.

All too true these days.

Man slips and falls,
the next thing you know,
it's his day job.

Hey, Hayden, how are you
feeling? I heard about
your accident.

It's no picnic.

(GRUNTS)
Well, hang in there, huh?

lra, could we shake a leg?
The auction is tonight,
you know.

And we've still got to catalog
and clean and set up
the coffee urns, and...

Okay, fine.

Hi, Ruth-Anne.

Hi, Maggie.
Hi.

Whoa, is all this stuff
for the library benefit?
Mmm-hmm.

(EXCLAlMlNG) You guys made a,
quite a haul.
Mmm-hmm.

Do you have
something for us?

Yes, I think you're going to
love it. See what you think.

Voila!

Oh, my.

Yeah, it's a Boss Tweed.
You know, Tammany Hall?
lsn't he cute?

Little three-piece suit,
and little mustache,
and, guess what?

It's a bank.
Oh, yes, I know.

You do?

You put a coin in his hand,
and it drops
right lnto his pocket.

I just love these old
mechanical banks. Don't you?

You do?
Uh-huh.

My Aunt Elsa used to have
a Tammany in her pantry.

When I was a little girl,
she used to lift me up

and let me put
the coin in the hand.

And her kitchen always smelled
of ginger snaps.

Well, my grammy
sent me that
for my birthday last year.

It was my grampy's.

It's funny how
these old things
bring back memories.

Summon all the ones
you loved so close.

You're an angel
to give this up, dear.

This is Pichon Lalande,
1978.

You've got a terrific palate,
Maurice.

Oh, but, Maurice,
what's this?

That '73 Pomerol.

The Chateau Breve.
You didn't drink it yet.

So much wine,
so little time.

You think she's peaked?

One way to find out.

Be my guest.

That cork came out
awful easy.

Bad cork.

(EXCLAIMS)

Vinegar.

Hmm, what a shame.

Nearly a full case over there,
too.

I guess I have to figure
out a way to unload it.

REYNALDO: Good sight line,
plenty of cover. No way
he's going to make you, Ed.

Wait! I've got him.
There he is, I've got Hayden!

All right, you see anything
suspicious, snap a picture.

Don't be afraid
to shoot some film.

Okay, wait.
He's reading a magazine.

Wired. Now, wait, wait, wait.

He's lighting a pipe.

It's lit.

Here's your recorder
for your wire tap.

Phone rings,
hit the switch.

This here,
this is your parabolic dish,
it's very important.

Picks up your ambient sounds.

Okay, ambient sounds.

Now you mount the brackets
on the ledge like so.

Point the saucer, turn up
the gain. Put on your
headphones and sit back.

You'll be able to hear a mouse
in its bedroom slippers
with this baby.

Boy, that is a lot
of potato chips.

Ed? You with me so far?
You got the dish down?

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, point the dish,
turn up the gain.

Good, 'cause I gotta let you
fly solo tonight.

I got that skip trace
first thing a.m .,

like I told you,
and I need some sleep.

Otherwise, I'd stay
in the trenches with you.

Reynaldo?

Yeah?

Well, I don't know,
it just feels kind of funny.

You know, we're
watching Hayden do stuff
and he doesn't know it.

We're spying on him,
trying to catch him.

Yeah, maybe if we're lucky,
we'll bust him tonight.

But, Reynaldo,
I like Hayden.
I mean, we're friends.

There was this one time,
I was fishing for chub,

I ran out of bait right there
in the middle of the river,

and Hayden, he just throws me
some of this cornmeal balls,

and says, "There you go, Ed."

Ed, maybe we won't bust him
tonight. Maybe we'll find him
innocent and vindicate him.

Did you ever
think about that?

Well...

One way or the other,
you know, the case is closed.

Justice is served.
Look, I've got to run.

Remember, alert, aware, awake.
And whatever you do,
stay in the truck.

Every minute,
eyes on the prize.

Right.

Holling, come see.
Matching salt and peppers,
shakes out their hair.

Well, I don't think so, hon.
Looks like to me that
that arm's been glued.

But take a look at this. This
is a handsome electric knife.
Don't you think?

Hon, I donated that,
remember?

The cord got all squirrelly
and I toasted the wall socket.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Wow! H! Feast 'em!

Man, that is some kind of
dollhouse!

Two floors, fully furnished.

H., Randi's first b-day is
coming up, what do you think?

Teensy-weensy shutters...

Look at this,
they even open and close.

I tried to S.O .S .
the mold off the trim,

but it's been sitting
in somebody's damp old cellar.

All you got to do is tag it
with a couple of coats
of Sherwin-Williams,

it'll be totally spiff.

H., can we? For Randi?

It'd blow her
little socks off.

Well, we'll just have to
get it then, won't we?

What did you find?
Something you like?

Well, actually,
I donated this.

It's an old cast-iron bank
of my grammy's,

she sent it to me
for my birthday last year.

Really? Your grandmother?
No kidding.

What?

Nothing, I just... I remember
her, she was an interesting
woman, your grammy.

I liked her.
Yeah, I like her, too.

Just because I gave this away,
it doesn't mean
I don't like her.

Well, I didn't say that.

I mean, I love my grammy,
I do. We're very close,
you know.

It just was in my closet
and the library needed stuff,
I mean, what did you expect?

I didn't expect anything,
I didn't say anything.

I just feel badly,
you know?

You want to go look
at records?

Well, I don't know, is it just
records, or do they have
any CDs?

Hey, Holling, isn't this
your old twelve-gauge?

It was just hanging
on the wall.

If somebody puts a new spring
in that trigger,

she's still got a lot
of kills left in her.

Do you remember when
we were up at Lemon Creek?

That bull moose charged
and you let him have it
with both barrels?

Yeah.
Old Bill said,
"What did you do that for?"

"He was just
coming in for tea."

I forgot about that.
Old bill.

Those were some times.
Maurice?
Uh-huh.

This 1973 red wine,
this is not from your cellar?

Oh, you don't want that wine,
Holling, trust me.

Well, I like a glass of
tasty wine, along with
the next fellow.

As long as, you know,
the bidding doesn't get
too dear.

Hmm.

MAN ON TV:
Miss Adele is right.

There's nothing in our federal
or state constitution
that guarantees shelter.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

...guarantee a person's
right not to be searched.

Hayden here.
MARSHA: Hi, it's me.

Oh, hey, Marsha.

Just got the kids to bed,
finally a little peace.

You coming over?

Oh, I can't get a sitter, hon.

Oh, I had a hot tub,
even got my shoulders waxed.

(LAUGHS) Oh, Big Bear
got his shoulders
all soft and smooth?

Sure did.

Big Bear misses his Marsha?

I miss my Marsha-Warsha.

Oh, Big Bear misses
little Snug-Pie.

Oh, miss little Snug-Pie's
kisses, kisses.

Oh, my Snookie-Toes.

$50 bid, now who goes $60?
Do I hear $60,
more on the wine?

$60 one time on the wine,
$60 anybody?
$60! Who goes $70?

$70, one time
on the wine, $70.
$70, who will go $80?

I got $70 who will go
$80 on the wine? $80 anybody?

$80.
$80 bid, now who will go $90?

$90 on the wine,
nobody in for $90.

Ninety bucks for ten bottles
of wine? This is French,
folks.

It's the real deal.
I'd buy it myself.

Now, who will go $90
one time on the wine?
Who'll give me $90 one time?

$90 from the man
in the huntin' cap,
thank you very much.

Now who will go $100 bill?
$100.

$100. Now you go $1 10,
you go $1 10 in the back?

$1 10.
$1 10, now. Now we're
getting somewhere.

Who'll go $1 20?
Go $1 20 one time.
Give me $1 20 one time.

$130.
$130. Now you want to go $1 40.

$1 40.
$1 40. Now you want to go $150.

You go $150, one time, Holling
what do you say?
$180.

$180, thank you very much.

Now you want to go $190
in the back. You go $190
one time on the wine.

$190, anybody?
$190, anywhere?

Sold to Holling Vincoeur,
for $180. Enjoy, Holling,
I'll be over.

Goll', cool.
You won it, babe.

Oh, what's this?
Another winner?

Lot four, item one.
Now what's it say?

A genuine Tammany bank.
Cast-iron, circa 1890.

Now, folks, this will
buy some volumes for that
library expansion of yours.

All right, who will get me
started on the piggy bank?
$50.

What?
$50.

This ain't Sleetmute.
The floor's $100.
We've got an antique here.

Now, who will go a $100 bill?
$100 bill one time,
who will give $100 one time?

$100, anywhere? $100, anybody?
$100.

That didn't hurt now, did it?
Now, who will go higher?
$1 25.

$1 25. Now you want to go $150,
give me $150, Maggie,
one time, you go $150.

$150.
$150. Now you go $1 75.

$1 75.
Chris, will you cut it out?

I want to buy
this thing back.

Go $200 one time,
what about a $200 bid?

$200 to the dapper
gentleman in the rear.
Now you want to go $225.

$300.
$300. Now you want to
go $400 in the back.

$400 in the back one time,
$400. Now you want to go $500?

Give me $500, Chris,
give me $500 one time.
I think you'll go higher.

$500.
$500. Now you want to go $600?

$600 in the back.
Are you done in the back?
$600, anybody?

$600 for the piggy bank.

Sold, right there, for $500.
Yes.

(WHOOPS)
You have fun with that now,
Chris.

All right,
bring up another let's go.
What have we got here?

Hey, Ed.

Hey, Hayden.

I didn't expect
to see you here.

Well, that is,
I did not expect
to see you here either.

This back's killing me,
it's a bitch getting around.

Yeah.

You going to see the doc,
too, huh?

Oh, me? No.
Well, yeah, I was.

Well, I'll be seeing you
later, Hayden.

That is,
we'll see each other.

Doctor Fleischman?
May I have a moment
of your time?

Hey, yeah, what's up?

Well, I'm working
with Reynaldo Pinetree,

on the insurance
fraud lnvestigation
of Hayden Keyes.

So, I'd like to ask you
a couple of questions.

lnvestigation with Pinetree,
huh? You're a detective now?

Well, in training.
Quite the Renaissance man, Ed.

Shaman, bag-boy.
I hope your paper route
doesn't suffer.

Oh, no, I did it on the way
home from the stakeout
of Hayden's house.

See that's the thing,
Doctor Fleischman,
we're trying to catch him.

So I wanted to ask you,
is Hayden really hurt?

Well, I can't discuss
a patient's medical condition
with you. You know that.

There's ethical
considerations, you know,

a little matter of
doctor-patient confidentially.

Yeah, I thought you might say
that, Doctor Fleischman,
thanks anyway.

But, if you were to, say,
hypothetically,

to ask me
as a private citizen,

as a civilian,
given my past history
with our friend Hayden,

as a petty criminal
and light-finger, perhaps,

even an occasional
practitioner
of three-card monte.

Could someone like him
jump at the opportunity
to feign injury

for his own financial gain?

Oh, I would say, possibly.

So he's not hurt?

Well, the thing is, complaints
of neck and back pain are
very difficult to disprove.

Medical evidence or lack
thereof not withstanding.

So he's not not hurt.

You're not going to get me
to give the guy
a clean bill of health.

Expose myself to a lawsuit
with my malpractice insurance?
No way.

Hey, H. Look what I found.

It was stuffing in
the downstairs davenport.

What, an old bit of
yellowed newspaper?

Old? It's ancient.
See, "-ril"?

Probably "April."
April 6, 1892.

Wow. Lucky the woodworms
didn't get at it.
That goes back quite a ways.

Yeah. Way, way, way back.

Shelly, if you want me to
paint and scrape this thing,
I'd better get to it.

So it will be nice and dry
for Randi's birthday tomorrow.

Mmm-hmm.

So, Hayden's truck
is over there.

And he's carrying
the chicken wire and
building the hound run there.

And the rake, the rake
is right here by the garden.

Ed, he didn't look
where he was going
and he tripped on his rake

and that's why he fell.

I know.

But I just wanted to
see it again
because, see,

I got to thinking last night,
while I'm sitting there
watching his house,

if Hayden's building a dog run
there, and tacking
chicken wire and stuff,

then what does he need
with this rake?

He's our yard man, Ed.

I know, I know.

Wow, you really were out there
watching his house.

Weren't you afraid
you'd get caught?
Hayden's a big guy.

Well, I parked
pretty far away, Heather.

Plus, I was real aware
of his every move.

What, with our parabolic dish,
wire taps, telephoto lenses...

You could see
right inside his house?

And hear everything.

What did you see?
Was he walking? Is he faking?
Did you catch him?

No.

Oh.

But, Heather, we're
going to keep on watching him.

Well, I mean, Reynaldo will
tonight, and then I will,
and then he...

So, what are you doing?

When?

Tonight.

Oh, going fishing.

Really? Who with?

Well, just me with myself.

You like to fish?

It's a little boring,
but I like the lake a lot.
Especially at night.

Spirit Lake.
My Dad's got a lodge.

Really?

Hey, do you want to go?

We can take the boat out.
I'll pack a basket for us.

You mean, like,
me and you?

I'll pick you up
around 7:00.

We'll have fun, okay?

Okay.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

MAGGIE: Hey, Chris?
You in there?

Yoo-hoo?
Hey.

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just doing a little
detail work on this guy.

Hardly needs it,
he's a beaut.

Oh, yeah.

Well, actually, actually,
Chris, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

I'd like to buy him back.

What? The bank?

Yeah. You know, what did you
pay for him, $500?

God, that's a lot of money.

Are you kidding?
I stole this guy for that.

Original paint,
the face is mint.

No brass or lead repair,
I mean, look,
this is a magnet.

lron, iron, iron, iron,
all iron. Check it out,
he's in the book.

Book?

Yeah. Kovels' Antiques
and Collectibles.

Wow, here it is.

There's a book
about these things?

Yeah, look. Let me see.

Tammany mechanical bank.
Where is it? Right here.

Rarity, three, value, ten.

(WHISTLES)
Times adjustable factor 1 .3 ...

$700.
That's right.

And just think what he'd
go for in an open auction,
say, Christie's?

Okay, I'll reimburse you.
$500.

No, I'm never
going to sell him.
I love him,

plus I need him
for my collection.

Collection?

Yeah, look.

A collection
of old cast-iron banks?

Ta-da.

Uncle Sam.
Flatiron Building.

lndependence Hall Tower.
William Tell.

Stopped robbing them,
started collecting them.

All right. $550.

No, look, I waited a long time
for a Boss Tweed.

Chris, come on, you know,
it's just that it's,
it's sentimental.

You know, my grammy
gave it to me.

Oh, why did you
give him away then?

Fine.

Hey?
If you're going to be
that way.

Well, I'm sorry.

WOMAN ON TV: I'd learned that
in the time we got here.

MAN ON TV:
What's the bird made of?

Porcelain or black stone,
I don't know. I only saw it
once for a few minutes.

Floyd showed it to me
when we first got hold of it.

You are a liar.

I am.
I've always been a liar.

Don't...
Don't brag about it.

Was there any truth at all
in that yarn?

Some. Not very much.

Well, we've got all night.

Coffee will be ready soon,
we'll have a cup
and try again.

Oh, I'm...
I'm so tired.

So tired of lying,
making up lies.

Wow.

It's the dollhouse.

Hello, are you lost, dear?

Ruth-Anne,
what are you doing here?

Ruth-Anne?
No, Phyllis Mink.

Miss Mink?
From second grade?

No, Mrs. Floyd Mink,
from Cordova.

Tea, dear?

What are you doing
in Miranda's dollhouse?

Oh, so that's
whose it is now.

Now?

Well, it was mine.

My daddy made it for me
when I had to miss
my first day of school.

You should have seen me.
Little dress,
pencils all sharpened.

Rip-tooting for my first day
out in the big world.

Guess what?

I came down
with scarlet fever.
Got quarantined.

Wait, wait, so you were
the little girl?
This was yours?

Well, it went to Flo next,
that's my sister,
and then Flo's Lois,

and Cousin Dolly's child,
I think.

I don't know what happened
to it after that.

But you're so old.

Old? Dear, I'm dead.
Really?

Since 1957.
Myocardial infarction.

So, this was yours
when you were little,
and now you're...

That's where the parade's
headed, honey.

No.

No!

No!

HEATHER: So it was a pigeon,
in the washing machine?

Yeah, and he's going,
"hoo, hoo."

So I think it's an owl, right?
A really big owl.

But it was the echo
in the washing machine.

How did it get in there,
I wonder?

I couldn't figure
that out myself.

I bet he was good and hungry
by the time I let him out,
though.

Just a good thing you were
at the dump that day, or that
bird would have starved.

I think most anybody
would have helped it.

But you did.

Well, it's just because
I was there that day.

Actually, I go down
to the dump quite a lot.

I found this really good pair
of boots this one time.

Black with these
little zipper things.

I'm talking too much, huh?

No, Ed, I think
you're really interesting.

I think you're really
interesting, too, Heather.

Plus, you're really
a good cook.

The salad was delicious.
Lettuce especially.

That's because it's fresh
from my garden.

Oh, it is?

I had terrible
leaf larvae this year.

(EXCLAIMS)

I sprayed just in time
to save the romaine.

Oh, don't worry,
I washed it.

Oh, the garden's yours?

What?
The garden, by the path.

Where the rake was,
is yours.

Well, not mine, per se.

It's everybody's, really.
I shouldn't take
all the credit for it.

Mom's in there all the time,
weeding, weeding, weeding.

You should see Dad's okra.

Okra! Say, you know,
I love okra.

Stewed okra is really good.

Sliced and fried okra,
I like that, too.

Well, we're not supposed
to be just sitting here,
we're supposed to be fishing.

Let's get you
out there, huh?

Reynaldo, I got your
bear claws and RC.

Slide in. Don't slam it.

Man, this Keyes is a dud.

Fell asleep watching C-SPAN
around 2:00,
with lights blazing.

El zippo after that.

Yeah. He watches
a lot of C-SPAN.

Mmm, the glaze is good
this morning.

They were just pulling them
out of the deep fat fryer
when I got there.

I traded Holling some of
the fish I caught last night
for them.

Yeah? You went fishing?

Arctic grayling, Reynaldo.

Caught eight, must have
weighed two pounds each.

Heather doesn't even
like to fish. Hers must
have weighed a full four.

Heather? This Heather?

Her father's got a real neat
lodge up on Spirit Lake,
Reynaldo.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

You spent the night, last
night with Heather Haynes?

They have a dock
and everything.
Say, we should go up there...

I bet she'd let us,
Reynaldo, she's real nice.

Ed, are you crazy?
Are you nuts?
You shacked up with this girl?

Oh, no, Reynaldo,
nothing like that,
we just went fishing.

Yeah, sure, you bet.

No, Reynaldo. I swear.
Cross my heart, I swear.
I slept on the porch.

Ed, this girl's
father's a client.
You know how bad it looks?

This case goes to court,

Hayden's attorney
finds out that you were
buddy-palling around.

Oh.
That's right.

Collusion could be inferred.

You know, all the evidence
we collected?

Testimony? Tainted, all of it.
Wasted, yesterday's news.

Oh, no, she was real nice
and everything, Reynaldo.
She made me a salad.

It's unprofessional, Ed.

Now you've got to realize
that this job provides
plenty of opportunity

to meet women in distress.

Babes go for a P.I .

You've got to stay above it.
Can't be fooled.

You've got to lead
with your head.
You know what I'm saying?

I told her
we'd go cave-crawling.

Well, I'll just have to
call her and tell her
we can't.

I'm sorry, Ed.

Here, have some
of my bear claw.

Heads up, hot plate.

Birthday pork roast
coming through.

Now, where's Shelly?
That gal has been in a perfect
snit ever since sunrise.

MAURICE: I believe I saw her
take that dollhouse
and head thataway.

Shel, there you are,
we're ready to sit down, hon.

Where's the dollhouse?

In the cellar.

The cellar? What for?

Because...
Shelly, that's Randi's
big gift.

Well, I don't want to give it
to her, Holling.

She's just going to get it
and then she's going to
give it away.

And then she's going to
get old and be dead
like Phyllis Mink.

Sorry, Ruth-Anne.
But she will.

Shelly recently took Randi
off the teat.

I think it's troubled
her hormones.

Right. Weaning,
that's another one.

Today she's one,
tomorrow she'll be
potty-trained.

And then, boom,
she's off to school with her
lunch pail and her pencils,

if she doesn't get
scarlet fever.

Shelly, it's just
a little toy house.

The birthday, the dollhouse,
they're all steps
along the way.

And where does that go,
Holling, huh?

Away. That's where.

Well, it's not fair.

I just got her.

We all did.

I'll finish mashing
the turnips.

You know,
what this party needs
is a little libation.

I've got
just the perfect thing.

The red wine
I got at the auction.

MAURICE: Holling,
not the '73 Pomerol.

Don't you want to save that
for a special occasion?

My daughter's birthday?
What could be more special
than that?

You know,
these expensive bottles,
the cork just slips right out.

Happy train starts here.
All aboard.

And I thought
we were just going to have
ice cream and cake.

A '73? Just a tad.

Well, hey, to Miranda.

(HOLLING GlVlNG TOAST
lN BROKEN lTALlAN)

ALL: Cheers.

CHRIS: Chugalug.

My, it is dry, isn't it?

That's good grape, Holling.

It certainly does set
right on the teeth.

MAGGIE:
Yeah, it's interesting.

HOLLING: Well, what are we
waiting for?

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Chris. Got a minute?
Hey.

Yeah, yeah, just going over
some books for the library.

Here's one that should be on
every 20th century woman's
bookshelf.

The Bell Jar. You know,
when I was in the joint,

I had bars, Miss Plath, here,
had the bell jar.

Too bad you couldn't hang
in there, Sylvia. Hmm.
Not this one, buddy.

Chris?

What?

You know insurance fraud,
right?

Yeah.

Okay, think "personal injury."

You say there's something
wrong with you, only, there's
nothing really wrong with you.

And you get caught.
What's going to
happen to you?

You broke the case, huh?
You nailed the big man.

I really can't talk about it,
Chris. It's confidential.

That's cool.

He was dancing, Chris.
Dancing all over the place.

You know, line dancing,
I've got it all,
right in here.

He was faking, buddy.
He was faking the whole time.

Well, I'm shocked,
but I'm not surprised.
You're not?

Come on, a guy like Hayden?
A chance like this
comes along.

He lands his can in some
rich man's yard, man, he found
a ticket to the big spin.

What's gonna
happen to him?

Nabbed in a felony like this?
Those prior convictions,
check-kiting,

impersonating a peace officer.

Three to five, out in two.

Years?

Years.

It's no picnic in there, Ed.

Bad food. No babes.
Psychotic bunkmate.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

Hope he can pull it off.

Most do.

Thanks, Chris.

Yeah, good luck.

Ed, hey, hi.

I thought cave-crawling
was this afternoon.

Well, that's why
I'm here, Heather.
We can't go.

Why not?

Because you're a client.

Well, you're the daughter
of a client. For now, anyway.

What's that supposed to mean.

We're just
going to look at
some old bones and stuff.

I know.

And I was hoping to find
a skull or something
for my bookshelf at school.

A wolf, maybe, that would be
cool. Think we'd see one?

Ed?

Rake.

What?

The rake, the salad.

No. Ed.

You were gardening,
weren't you?

And then you left
the rake out, didn't you?
No!

You left the rake out
and then Hayden stepped on it,
isn't that right?

And then you lied.

You lied to me,
you lied to Mr. Lewis.

You even lied to your father,
isn't that right?

Well, I had to answer
the phone.

And Daddy would have flipped.
He was already PO'd

about what happened
to the Range Rover.

And Hayden is still lying,
Ed, I know it.

He might have
stepped on the rake,
but he didn't hurt himself.

Oh, Heather.

Ed.

Reynaldo was right.
He was right about you.

You never liked me.
You were just playing me
for a sap.

No, I wanted to tell you.

And Hayden, poor,
poor Hayden.

You don't know, Heather.

You don't even know
what you've done.

So he's more important to you
than me? Ed, please.

Goodbye, Heather.

Are those for me?

Remembered you savor
a hare stew.
White tails. Good pelts.

That end fellow, there,
chewed his leg pretty bad.

Wow! Well, Mr. Bunny.
Won't you join me for dinner?

Thanks, Walt.

Enjoy.

(EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY)
Good morning, Walter.

Well, what's the matter
with you?

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Minnifield.

You knew
that wine was cooked.

Wine?

Don't stand there
and play Nancy-Know-Nothing
with me, Mister.

I was a member of
Les Amis du Vin
before Gallo had corks.

Oh, well, caveat emptor,
that's my motto.

If he wants to play
with the big boys,

he'd better keep his mind
on the game.

Criminy, Maurice.
The man's your friend.

Yeah, he's my friend,
and I don't hear him
complaining, do you?

Well, you saw him
over there, chewing
and sniffing and sipping.

That's disgusting.

The man wouldn't know
a decent grape if it jumped up
and bit him on the behind.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SlNGlNG lN FAKE lTALlAN)

(HUMMING)

Hey, Chris.
Hey.

Are you busy?

Just whipping up some
bunny cacciatore here.

Brown these little guys,
let them simmer.
Why don't you stay for supper?

Well, actually, Chris,
guess what?

What?

I came to talk to you
about the bank.

Look, I thought we talked
about this already.

I know we did, and look,
I admit, I admit, I thought
it was a stupid thing

and I did dump it
at the auction, all right?

Look, I don't know
what to do with it,
I don't even like it,

but I've got to have it back,
Chris.

You know,
it was my grandmother's.

My grandmother's, you know?

I mean, I really had
no right to give it away
in the first place.

Well, you did.

Look, I'm willing to
pay for it, all right?
Full price. $700.

I don't want to sell it.
Chris, but you can go out
and buy another one.

$700!
Buy another one, where?

In pristine condition,
tell me where?

$750.
No.

$800.
No way.

$900.

Look, I told you no.
$1,000.

Sold.
What?

I hate to see
the little guy go.

You can write a check.

All right, now keep him
out of the direct sun,
because it ruins the paint.

Hayden!

Hayden, wait up, Hayden.

Hey, Ed, some night.
I wouldn't wish it on a dog.

I'm going to give
that acupuncturist
up in Cantwell a try.

Oh, no, you're not, Hayden.
I've got to talk to you.

Ed, toss that deal
in the back for me,
will you?

Oh, your walker, sure.

Thanks. I'll catch you later.
No, Hayden, don't go.

I've got to talk to you.
I've got to tell you,
you can't do it anymore.

Because I know.
What?
What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you.
There's nothing wrong
with you, Hayden.

I saw you dancing last night.

You what? Get out of here.

It's all over, Hayden.
I was at the window.

I've been working surveillance
for Reynaldo Pinetree.

And I got the whole thing
on videotape. Everything.

From the Diamond Slide
to the Mississippi Slump.

You're cheating, Hayden.
That's wrong,
and you know it.

And it's making everybody
really mad.

Mr. Lewis from the insurance
company. Mr. Haynes
and that Heather.

If they get ahold
of that tape,

well, they're going to
take you away
and lock you up for sure.

There ain't going to be
no more fishing for you,
or fixing cars,

or nothing like that.
And why?

Just because of
some stupid old money.
So just cut it out, Hayden.

Don't do it anymore.

Reynaldo is going to be
really, really mad.
But here.

HOLLING: Now, doesn't she look
just like a little pumpkin?

There you go.

The jumper's perfecto, babe.
lsn't it?

Then what?
Two months down the road,
it will be stuffed in a drawer

with all her other
outgrown baby threads.

Shelly, stop acting like that.
I mean, it's just not healthy.

It's not going in a drawer?

Well, yes, it is.

And Randi's going to keep on
growing and growing
by leaps and by bounds.

Finding her own self.
And yes, she'll be gone
from our house.

Making her own way,
her own family,
and growing old.

Sure, passing on.

And hopefully
we'll be gone by then.

Holling.

Well, it's true, Shelly.
And there's nothing
we can do about it.

We come on to this Earth
with the gift of life
and it's a journey.

One that we all
have to travel on our own.

Randi will move on. But we'll
have given her some help.

It's beautiful,
when you think about it.

It's sad.

And it hurts.

And I think it sucks.

Well, I'd best see
to my own toilette.

(BABBLING)

Come on, Randi.
Mommy's got to finish
fixing her hair.

(COOING)
Oh, I see Bunky.

Look who I found.

Look who I found.
There's Bunky.

That's Bunky.

Hmm.

Mommy's sorry
she's so low in a hole, Randi.

But she just didn't know
how much it was going to hurt.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

RUTH-ANNE:
Everybody, excuse me.

May I have a minute, please?

Now we owe some people
some thanks.

Let's hear it
for the aluminum can
pick-up crew.

MAN: All right!

(ALL CHEERING)

And the pancake supper
committee served
400 and some plates.

MAN: Yeah!

And, don't forget our
library board. Big hand!

Now, we have 1 2 shelves
and a new research carrel
with lamp.

And, oh, by the way,
there's a 30-minute limit
on the carrel.

And no food or drink
in this nook, you hear?

And no more dog-earing
or writing in the margins.

Anyway, a pot luck's serving
up front. Go on, enjoy.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Holling! Quick!

What's wrong?

Look.

Oh, my goodness,
she's trying to walk.

Miranda.

Oh, child.

Look, get her to walk to you,
Holling.

Okay, come on. Whoops.
You can do it.

Come on. Walk to Daddy.

Oh, Randi, come on.
Mama.

Good girl!
I got you.

She's walking, Holling.

Looky.

Oh, Mama's girl.
You're such a big girl.

Presidente, here's those
books I promised.

Is that it? Two?

The Sound and the Fury
and The World Almanac.

Thanks.
Sure.

1987.

Look out, everybody.
Runaway rug rat.

Well, she's walking. I never.

HOLLING: Uh-oh.
SHELLY: You're okay,
Mommy's got you.

Hello, Holling.
Evening, Maurice.

I was going through my cellar
and I came up with
this bottle of wine

that I thought you might enjoy
now that you've got
the oenology bug.

Wine appreciation.

Oh.

It's a '61 Rothschild,
one of my best.
I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

And you might want to
peruse these magazines, too.

It's The Wine Spectator.
Some back issues

that give you some ideas
about vintages. You know,
what's hot, what's not.

You mean read about it?
Yeah.

No, I don't think so,
I don't have the time.

Besides, I know everything
I need to know about it.

I know what I like.
But I will take the bottle.

Looks like a real lip-smacker.

Lip-smacker, yeah.

Hayden? Hey, here,
let me help you with that box.

I got it, Holling.
Just my Funk and Wagnalls.

Hayden,
you came without your walker.

I'm feeling a lot better.

Well, like one of those
spontaneous miracles you
read about in the tabloids.

Yeah, how did you guess?

Smell it, Ed? B.S .

I've got to get some air.

Hey, Reynaldo. Aren't you
gonna hang around
for the free car wash raffle?

No, I've got to catch up
on some billing.

I guess I didn't do so hot,
huh, Reynaldo?

That tape belonged
to Anchorage Casualty, Ed.
It was evidence.

I know it. I'm sorry,
Reynaldo, I am.

Rookie mistakes, kid.

Tape?

The girl.

Oh, I really liked Heather,
Reynaldo.

I know she lied, but she's not
all bad. She was just trying
to protect her father.

And she really did see
Hayden get up.

And then,
I guess it was just easier
for her not to tell.

What a tangled web we weave.

And Hayden?
Well, Hayden's all right.

He's just kind of lazy.

And Heather's rake did hit him
in the head. He could
have been really hurt.

It's not always
black and white, Ed.
It rarely is.

But it's not our job to judge.
We're hired eyes.

Eyes and eyes only,
understand?

Okay.

Word of advice?

Sure.

Don't play God.

See you around, Ed.