Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 6, Episode 17 - The Graduate - full transcript

So it is true, huh?

What?

You did outbid me
for this claptrap.

Yep, signed the papers
this morning.

But I wouldn't call it
a claptrap, Maurice.

I mean, a year ago,
before Joe Demeter got sick,
this thing was a cash cow.

Yeah, I was going to sweeten
my offer to Demeter.

Then that
snake-in-the-grass
told me that

the deal was done.

Yeah, I wish he would've
told me which key fit
the front door.

You're not serious about this,
are you, Maggie?



When did you become a player
in commercial real estate?

Are you afraid of
a little competition, Maurice?

No, just that this is not
a game for dilettantes,
that's all.

Well, welcome
to show business.

CHRIS: So, 16 ounces
of organic apple juice,

one teaspoon
of biloba leaf extract,

blend thoroughly,

and voila,
one genuine smart drink.

Down the hatch, Cicely.

All right, I figured
a little lQ boost
was in order

on account of some
special visitors I've got

coming up later today
from the U of A in Anchorage.

Seems my homespun dissertation
of Casey at the Bat,

an anti-filiopietistic
metaphor



for America's role
in post-Cold War geopolitics,

might have got me one step
closer to that elusive
master's degree

I've been chipping away at
through the postal service.

Hard to believe, Cicely,
your number one dabbler

just might actually
finish something.

CHRIS ON RADIO: I passed
my equivalency exam,
I submitted my thesis

and all I got to do is get
through my orals.

Whoa, check out
the full-dress studmuffin.

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, I'm looking
for Holling Vincoeur.

That's me,
what can I do for you?

Patrick. Patrick Dulac.

Patrick?
Yep.

You two know each other?

Know him? I owe mon oncle
here just about everything.

Uncle?

Term of endearment.

His mother and I were
friends in Quebec.

Shelly, this is Patrick Dulac.
Patrick, this is my bride,
Shelly.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You did okay, oncle.
A real pleasure.

What brings you
all the way to Cicely?

I'm on my way to Kyoto.

What are you doing in Japan?

I'm a translator with
the Canadian Defense Ministry.

Oh. Good.

Wicked.

Excuse me, Shelly.

Could we talk for a second,
you know, in private?

Oh, I guess so.

I can't believe I'm finally
getting to meet you in person.

Likewise.

I mean, without
those monthly checks,

my mom and I,
we wouldn't have made it.

Just glad I could help out.

Yeah, well, a lot of
guys in your position

would have turned their back
on their responsibilities.

What do you mean?

Well, my mom would never
speak about it.

Ever since I was a kid,
I thought you really
were my uncle.

Talk about dense.
It took me all this time to
figure out who you really are.

I'm afraid you lost me there.

Now that we're face to face,
I can see where I got my
looks. Right, mon pere?

Just hold it
right there, Patrick.

I was a friend of your mother,
nothing more.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You don't want
to dishonor my mother.
I understand.

Don't worry, nobody
has to know, do they?

There's nothing more to know.

Okay. Listen, my plane
doesn't leave Anchorage
for a couple of days.

Maybe, if you're not
too busy, we could spend
some time together.

Well...

If not, it's okay.
I still wanted to say thanks.

What did he want
to talk to you about, H.

Just bringing me up to date on
the goings-on back home,
you know?

Don't give me that.
I could see you two were
into something heavy.

Somehow he got the idea
that I'm his father.

Can you believe that?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Chris Stevens?

Yeah? Right through there.

Hi. Aaron Martin,
Lit Department,
University of Alaska.

Hey.
I got to tell you,
this is a real pleasure.

Well, Professor Martin,
welcome to Cicely.

Please. Aaron.

Okay, Aaron,
hard time getting here?

No, no, no, I'm used to it.

It's our bi-annual loop,
our outreach
to the backcountry.

Truth is,
I kind of look forward to it.

You moonlight
as a deejay?

Actually it's
a full-time job.

You're kidding?

It's hard to believe anybody
could pack as much into a
dissertation as the one I read

and have time for
anything but the books.

Well, thank you.

It blew me away, really.

And not just because
I'm a dyed-in-the-wool
baseball freak.

And the fact that you
never finished high school,

and the fact that
you did time,
it's all pretty impressive.

Long drive, you got
anything to drink?

Tea.

Anything cold?

Beer?

Now you're talking.
Okay.

So, where did you
walk the walk?

Huh? West Virginia.

Oh.
Yeah.

Moundsville
State Penitentiary.

Joseph lglita, our warden.

You know, I'm reading
this Marielito poet,
Enrique Cardenez.

He's doing eight to fifteen
in West Virginia.
Do you know him?

No.

Stuff's dark,
but, man, does it sing.

Aaron, to academia,

in a world of ever more
compromise and pettiness,

the last refuge of ideas
and idealism
for their own sake.

Hear, hear.

I thought that there was
supposed to be two of you.

Hmm.

Professor Schuster,
he'll be arriving a little
later this afternoon.

He had a graduate
seminar to wrap up.

I got to warn you, though.

Dick's a little bent out of
shape over the route you've
taken towards this degree.

He's afraid it might set
some kind of precedent.

Oh?

Yeah,
I don't want to knock him.

You know, the guy was a tiger
in his time, a real monument.

I don't want to
poison the well.

Now, I still have a lot to
learn about running a movie
theater, try everything.

And I still have
my charter business,

which means I'm going
to be away a fair
amount of the time.

So, I'm going to be depending
heavily on the two of you.

Especially you, Ed.

You're not only the manager,
you're my in house
film consultant, all right?

Which means, I'm going to be
relying on your expertise
to book the product.

Now, here are some catalogues
from the distributors
that we'll be dealing with.

I'm thinking we should
change the bills a couple
of times a week.

(CASH REGISTER RlNGlNG)

And we should avoid
first-run pictures
in the beginning,

because Joe Demeter
tells me some of them take
80% of the gate.

What do you think?

Diabolique.

Last Year at Marienbad.

Doctor Mabuse, King of Crime.

This is going to be great.

So cool.
You don't know how much I
appreciate this shot, Maggie.

A lot of people don't
like to hire friends.

Oh, well, who was it who said,
„It's better to work with
friends then enemies”, right?

I don't know. My dad's
convinced that I'll be moving
back home within a week.

That his money means
more to me than me
leading my own life.

I think deep down
he wants me to fail.

I can't wait to show him.

Okay, now listen. We get
our 35's from the shipping
exchange in Anchorage,

which I think is
pretty self-explanatory.

Twenty-four hours after
the paperwork is cleared.

And here are your blazers.

Excellent.

Now, Ed tells me
you have experience
running a projector?

I ran the ones in my dad's
media room since forever.
16 and 35.

The Italian Straw Hat.

Eyes Without a Face.
This is going to be great!

Eyes Without a Face. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, French, 1959.

You really think people are
going to respond to that?
Oh, yeah, Maggie.

Audiences, they get
all emotional over
plastic surgery stories.

It's almost a rule of thumb.

Oh.

Christopher Stevens?

Yeah, you must be...

Dick Schuster, U of A.

Professor,
it's nice to meet you.

I was just heading
to get a cup of coffee.
You want to join me?

Yeah, sounds good.

Okay.
All right.

So, has Aaron arrived yet?

Yes, this morning.

Well, then I'm sure
he's warned you.

Aaron makes no secret
of his disdain
for traditionalists.

Me in particular.
Yeah.

Frankly, I consider
his antipathy
a badge of honor.

So how's the hunting here?

I brought my Remington
in case we could squeeze in
a little jacklighting.

There's a herd of caribou
out on Loon Lake.

Professor Martin
did say you might have
some reservations.

He said it that
simply, did he?

Not often you can find
a deconstructionist
that succinct.

Excuse me?

Deconstruction.
Aaron's basilica,
his Holy See.

It's why he's gaga
over your
Casey at the Bat analysis,

and why I, as you say,
have reservations.

Look, obviously, Thayer,
writing in 1888,

couldn't have predicted the
collapse of the Soviet Union
and the rise of terrorism.

Of course not,
it's just a metaphor.

Just a metaphor.

The scalpel of which
irrevocably cleaves the work
from the artist's intent.

God forbid we should
pay homage to a poem as
a poem and not just a code.

Look, you're a bright fellow,
Mr. Stevens.

But I have standards
to uphold.

Now, I know you don't have
any preliminary degrees,

and the fact is,
if I hadn't been bullied by
my youth-addled confreres,

I would have cut this
off a long time ago.

I have no intention
of handing out a diploma
for glibness, even erudition.

Come on, let's get
that cup of coffee.

What are you doing, Shel?
Aren't you coming to bed?

All these years, H.

What are you talking about?

A check every month
since he was a rugrat.

It's not the do-re-mi,
Holling.

I just wish
you would have told me.

Look, Shel, I'm sorry.

I thought you might
take it the wrong way.

You mean, that I'd figure
out the skinny the way
Patrick did?

I thought I'd set
the record straight on that.

Because you were
good friends with his mom.

That's right.

Holling, you must think I just
fell off the tuna truck.

Shelly,
the boy lost his father
while he was still in diapers.

I had to help out.

It was my duty.

Well, of course
it was your duty, Holling.

But not because you
and his mom were buds...

At first, you diss
your own daughter, Jackie.

And it practically
eats you alive.

And now, it's deja vu
all over again.

How can you blow off
your own blood?

Don't you see, Holling?
This is the most bonus thing
that could have happened?

I've said all
I'm going to say.

It's like, Karis Jagger.

I mean, at first,
Mick wouldn't even admit
the kid was his.

But now,
they're totally tight.

Shelly...
Not only does Miranda
gain a brother,

but it's your chance
to make things right.

To stand up and
count your offspring. Holling.

I've got the smoking
piece right here.

What other explanation
could there be?

Well?

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(WHOOPING)

Get down, Ed.

(GROANS)

How's it going, Maggie?

Okay, okay. There's a lot more
details to worry about
than I thought.

I know what you mean.

I thought living alone was
going to be a breeze, too.

Now I've got all these bills
and cleaning deposits.

Well, at least I'm doing it
without the help of my family.

Oh, yes.
Well, how are we doing
on the gum removal?

Oh!
I was going to get some
single-edge razor blades.

Should come right up.

I'm just taking
these upstairs.

Okay.

Hey, now, I noticed the
storeroom's not cleared out.
You didn't forget, did you?

I was going to borrow
my dad's dolly.

Oh.

(SIGHS) Look at the time.

It's almost 3:00.
You're going to go,
aren't you?

Go where?

Delores' shower. She'd die
if we didn't show up.

Oh, listen.
No, I sent my regrets.

I mean,
I just can't possibly go.
I have too much to do.

Well, you don't mind
if I go, do you?

Ed's got everything
pretty much under control.
I'd only be a couple of hours.

Okay, sure, go ahead.

You're so cool, Maggie.
Thanks,
I really appreciate it.

Well, give Delores
my congrats.

Professor Martin and I will
alternate questions.

Keep your answers concise,
yet complete.

Remember,
„Brevity is the soul of wit.”

As it is the soul
of lingerie.

Dorothy Parker.
Yes, well, I'll begin.

Define the objective
correlative.

Who's credited
with its origination.
And give an example.

Objective correlative.

It's the concrete,

the specific image evoked
in a reader or audience.

Generally attributed
to T.S . Eliot. An example,

„So much depends upon
a red wheelbarrow,

glazed with rain water
beside the white chickens.”

William Carlos Williams.

Professor Martin?

Chris, in what way does
the relativism embodied
in Melville's duality of evil

presage the moral ambiguities
of 20th century colonialism?

Heaven help us.

Okay, all right,
take Moby Dick.

The white whale as unbridled
nature, the implacable
universe versus old Ahab.

Now, where's the real evil?
Is it this gnarly
denizen of the deep

who chowed down on
EI Capitan's drumstick?

Or, is it the crazed Ahab,
obsessed to the exclusion
of his humanity

with bringing down this great
white whale to its knees.

lsn't that the whole paradox
of colonialism?

Right there in a nutshell?
The benevolent imperialist?

The hubris of the First World?

The Marine corporal
with the Zippo in Nam who
had to burn down the village

in order to save it?

Shall I continue?

No, no,
I think that's dead-on.

Define and give
an example of...

SHELLY:
You've got the grub,
Patrick?

PATRICK:
Right here, Shelly.

What do you think, Randi?
Is this rave, or what?

It's not every day
you get a chance for
this kind of family bondage.

I always dreamed about this.
Snowflakes that stick
to your hairdo and lashes.

Mittens on kittens.

Newspaper bundles
tied up with string.

Here we are.

This is so great, eh?
I love sleigh rides.

It was Shelly's idea, really.

How's it going, Holling?

I only rented this rig
for four hours.

You know Gil Le Fleur,
he won't cut us
five minutes grace slack.

Just a couple of minutes more.

Too bad you can't be here
for Thanksgiving.

Maybe we can come and visit
you in Kyoto sometime.

Oh, that would be great.

They've got special guest
housing there for relatives.

Oh, and when you
come visit us,
we'll clear out the gun room,

and when you're married
and we're grandparents,

I bet Miranda will be
old enough to baby-sit, huh?

You know, Mom's got
this old picture of you.

You got on this great,
wide-brim Panama hat.

You don't still have it,
do you?

Are you kidding? Holling?

He's probably still got
the socks he was wearing
in the picture.

Just about ready to go.

Let's do it to it.
Hey, Pat. Do you know
any good sleigh songs?

The only one I can remember
is Over the River
and Through the Woods.

All the ones I know
are in French.

Oh, that's cool, huh?
Oh, I know.

How about,
When The Ice Worms Nest Again?

Oh, yeah. Hey, H.

You remember that. I heard
you sing it in the shower.

(SlNGlNG)

There's a dusky,
husky maiden in the Arctic

Come on, H.

And she waits for me
but it is not in vain

SHELLY: Sing, Holling.

For someday
I'll put my mukluks on
and ask her

Giddy-up!

If she'll wed me
when the ice worms nest again

In the land
of the ice and snow

Where it's 99 below
and the polar bears...

Oh, Heather,
where are all the Milk Duds?

Somebody hurled
in the bathroom.

They did?

What should we do?

I guess we'd better
clean it up.

Ed, I can't.
I can't go back in there.

I have this weird thing
when I smell vomit.

(WHlSPERlNG)
I feel like throwing up, too.

How about some service here?

Okay, look,
you take the counter.

Sorry.

Popcorn, please.

Excuse me, Winnie.

Sorry, Minnie,
I got to tidy up in here.

(BELL BUZZING)

Oh, reel change.
I'll be right back.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What the...
MAN: Come on!

(BOOING)

Thank you.
What can I get for you?

A large root beer to wash down
the stale popcorn.

Sorry.

Want to go watch
from the booth?
It's cool from up there.

I don't think so, Heather.
The Bicycle Thief
sells a lot of popcorn.

A buck, please.

You know, Maurice, I think
President Tunberg still wants
you to endow a chair one day.

You're always trying,
aren't you, Dick?

Well, be quiet about it
and hold out your glass.

It all depends on
how my money is used.

You know, I was really
surprised that Stevens here

had the gumption
to go the distance.

Maybe I was wrong
about the lad after all.

Gentlemen, what do you say
we retire to the living room?

You know,
speaking of the campi,
I was doing some rereading.

Some essays
on the deconstruction thing.

Jacques Derrida
and Roland Barthes.

The more I read, the more
the contradiction just
whacked me in the head.

I mean, whatever happened
to „truth is beauty,
beauty truth”?

It's the very multiplicity of
interpretations that's the
heart of deconstruction.

Deconstruction?

It is only when you
remove the author
as the final arbiter

that all
the suppressed meanings
are allowed to proliferate.

Ergo, misinterpretation is
no longer a literary crime.

Nor is plagiarism,
for that matter.

Think of the interpretive
freedom that that allows.

Take Chris' thesis
for example.

Mighty Casey is not just
a.400 slugger.

He's not?
No.

He's Nietzsche's Ubermensch.

Yeah, yeah, I had the notion
that the world's come to
depend on Uncle Sam

to solve all its problems.

Just like the fans in Mudville
expect Casey

to knock it out of the park
every time he steps up.

Hermenuetic license
at its best.

In one fell swoop,
you and your
car-jacking protege there

have put 2,000 years
of accumulated knowledge
into a rhetorical Osterizer

and grinded it all
into oblivion!

Ah, the last gasp of the dead,
white European male.

Or as I prefer to call it,
the pale, penis people.

Oh, listen to that!

Anything that smacks
of, you know,
reverence for tradition,

or the support
of objective standards,

falls prostrate
to the almighty god
of political correctness.

Ah! So now the real agenda
comes out, huh?

Determined to hang on to this
department chair to the bitter
end, aren't you, Dick?

Be a few more years,
buddy boy,

you'd better get used to
those faculty apartments.

You guys!

All right,
throw out Jane Austen.

All she did is
validate imperialism.

Who needs Shakespeare?
An elitist punster at best.

And all the while,
we're shamelessly pandering

to the loudest
of the disenfranchised.

It's college
through a boom box.

Well done, Dick.

Bigotry with panache.

You son of a bitch!
Come on!

Knock it off! Hold it!

(BOTH YELLING)

It's only literature,
for goodness sake!

Maggie?

Oh, hey.
Hey, Maggie, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Oh, no, what's up?

Well, I don't want to make
any more out of this
than necessary,

but yesterday three people
came into my office,

all complaining about stomach
cramps, nausea, fever,

so I ran some gram stains
and I found traces
of staphylococci.

And why are you telling me
all this?

Well, it was definitely
a point source outbreak.

They had all been
to the matinee yesterday
and they all had a popcorn.

Best I can figure, the butter
you're serving went rancid

and provided a growing
medium for the bacteria.

You're kidding me?

I'm afraid I'm going to
have to ask you to dump out
all the old butter

and sterilize the dispenser.

Oh, God.

Well, there's no permanent
damage or anything.

And I'll definitely keep it
under my hat. No sense
panicking anyone, you know,

as long as you get it
all taken care of.
All right, sure.

Thank you.

You're welcome, good luck.

(GUNS FlRlNG)

All right, listen up, men.

We've got a sniper out there.
He's pinning us down.

If we wait until he gets
reinforcements, we're dead.

Somebody's got to
take him out.
Beethoven? Van Gogh?

Poe?

Nevermore.

They got Eddie!

My God, they've taken out
the whole Transcendental 45th.

Emerson, Fuller, Thoreau.

HQ. HQ. We're dying in here.
We need artillery, now!

They've taken out
the whole Western canon!

Why, you dirty sons of...

No. Shakes, it's too hot!

Thus am I slain.

Oh, Shakes, Shakes,
talk to me.

(COUGHS)

„This a far,
far better thing I do.”

Shakes?

Yeah, Sarge?

That's Dickens.

Damn you!

(SCREAMING)

You.

(PANTING)

(R & B MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)

„What'd I say?”
Question of the hour.

„Tell your mama, tell your pa,
I'm going to send you back
to Arkansas, hey, hey.”

Arkansas? Why ask
Brother Ray what he meant
by that?

Doesn't art speak for itself?
Hmm?

I mean, you analyze something
too much, you just end up
grinding it in the dust.

Sure don't feel like dancing,
I'll tell you that much.

Who was I kidding?
A sheepskin on the wall.

Yeah, right.

I should've never
opened that matchbook.

„We're looking for people
who like to think.”

„What'd I say”, hmm?

Somebody tell me, please.

Quite a legacy, Holling.
First, Jackie, then little
Miranda, and now Patrick.

The Johnny Appleseed
of the North.

You okay, H. You hardly
touched your Salisbury steak.

Just not hungry, is all.

(CLlNKlNG GLASS)

I'd like to propose a toast.

It's been such
a wonderful evening.

The warmth, the super food,
the fine wine. Maybe a little
too much wine.

I'm sorry, I'm not very
good at making speeches.

We can't hold our liquor
all year, boy. Get on with it.

To Holling Vincoeur,

who has to be the finest,
most generous, most
moral man I've ever known.

Without him I'd be nothing.

Literally.

May the sun
always shine upon him.

May God's grace go with him
wherever he goes.

And may I someday learn to be
half the man my father is.

Stop it! It's a lie.
The whole thing.

All of it, it's nothing
but a damnable lie.

I don't understand.

I'm not your father,
you got that?

I am not your father.

H., we've been through this.

I only said that because
I was too much of a coward
to admit the real truth.

I can't be your father,
Patrick. Because...

Because I murdered your dad.

That's the real truth.

I shot him dead.

Deader than one of those
stuffed animal heads
downstairs.

We had a fight.
We struggled over a gun,

the next thing I know,
he was lying on the ground.

I ran before they could
charge me with murder.

Hey, come on, Holling.
It's not funny now.

That's where the money
came from. Guilt.

I deprived you and your mother
of the family's
only breadwinner.

What else could I do?
You wanted the truth?
You got it.

Oh, Carl,
could you put that out?

Sorry.
Thanks.

Excuse me, sorry.

Hey, Phil.

Hey, Maggie.

How's the movie?

It's good, it's real good.

Good.

I see you brought
your own snacks. You know,
we really don't allow that.

Sorry.

Where's Michelle?

Oh, she's got a cold.

Oh, again? Another one?

It's the same one, actually.
It never seems to go away.

Oh, and you're a doctor.

Listen,
I've been going through
some strange stuff myself.

You know, I can't eat,
I'm up half the night, and I'm
getting the dry heaves.

(MAN SHUSHING)

You didn't eat any of
the bad popcorn, did you?

No, no.

I don't know and I don't think
I'm getting a fever.
I don't think I have one.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, could you step outside
into the lobby for a minute?
Okay?

Yeah, sure.

I don't know
what it is, Phil. It's just,
I've been hyperventilating,

my stomach's been in knots
24 hours a day.

Have you changed your diet
significantly?

No, no, not really.
Except I can hardly
keep anything down.

Heather? Heather?

Would you mind doing a quick
pass with the carpet sweeper?

Sure, as soon as
these are dry.

When did this all begin?

I don't know,
three or four days.

Since you've opened
the theater.

Yeah, I guess. Why?

Well, it could be
stress-related.

Stress?

You open a new business,
it's a lot of money,
a lot of responsibility.

Stress is a natural reaction.

Oh, I see.

You think I can't cut it.

No, Maggie, I didn't say that.

Because I'm a woman,
I don't have the wherewithal

to survive
in a competitive environment.
Maggie...

That I should just wave
the white flag
and sell out to the big boy.

I don't know.

Do you think I could go in and
watch the rest of the movie?

I could understand
if you want me to sleep
on the couch.

What?

No way.

I mean, I can't imagine
you just taking him out.

You must have had a reason,
babe.

This interests you?

Hello? H.

You're my death-do-us-part.

Patrick's father,

he and I both worked on
a tobacco farm
in the Saint Lawrence lowland.

Philemon was a real hothead,
had a temper like a wolverine.

I was pretty much
of a hell-raiser myself
in those days.

One Sunday morning,
when we were both
in the local boulangerie,

both a little hungover.

Philemon was there before
I was, but he forgot to take
a number until after I did.

When the baker tried to serve
me first, Philemon became
enraged and went for his iron.

Pulled out a five-shot snubby
and threatened to shoot me.

Over a bakery ticket?

Men have been killed for less.

I went for the gun,
we both struggled,
we went down.

Philemon never got up.

Old Gillenoux the baker
started screaming,
„Meurtrier! Meurtrier!”

I turned tail and I ran.

You?

You booked on the situation?

(EXCLAIMS)

I know.

Well, I mean, if it was
self-defense or something.

There wasn't much chance
for justice in that town.

You know about my father.
The town hated our family,
and for good cause.

All these years, H.
Lamming it.

I got away as far as I could.

Took a lumber job in Nelson.

And that's when it started,
me sending money
back to the widow.

I can't imagine his forgetting
about this.

Maybe I should call
the station.

Hi. Chris wanted me
to give you both a message.

He apologizes, but he asks
that you meet him
at Minnifield field.

Meet him?
I don't understand.

Does he intend to complete
his orals or not?

I think so. He asks
that you bear with him.

Maggie?
You wanted to see us?

Please. Sit down.

I think I got next week's
pics all figured out.

How does
Mister Hulot's Holiday
and The Blue Angel sound?

Well, actually that's what
I wanted to talk about.

We're going to have to
overhaul the way
we've been doing things.

We do?

Yes.

I mean, if we stay on the road
that we're on,

I just feel that
we could have a train wreck

and then Maurice is going
to be owning this theater.

Maurice? But, well, he only
likes police procedurals.

For starters, we've got to
back off these obscure
classics and these cult films.

If you want to run
Eyes Without a Face
or Eraserhead,

we can set aside a midnight
movie every other Saturday.

But the rest of the time,
we have to run shows
that say „box office.”

I mean, they don't call it
„show art” do they?

They call it „show business.”

Oh.

What does this mean, Maggie?

Well, it means that I want you
to get on the phone and book
Dumb & Dumber.

Dumb & Dumber.

Yes, and if we have to go
to first-run films, we will.

But you said
those cost more.

Not if we bicycle prints
between here
and the Sleetmute Egyptian.

I see.

Well, that's all for now, Ed.
Thanks.

Oh.

He's such a snob
about films.

But in a way, that's what
makes him so lovable.

You know, Heather,
I had this problem.

And I've had this problem
all my life.

Maybe I can help.

Well, you know,
my problem is

I've always wanted everybody
to like me.

Me, too.

I mean, it's like
I'm constantly running
for homecoming queen.

I mean, I once was
homecoming queen and...

Cool.
Yeah.

You see, I'm so afraid of
getting people mad at me that
it's hurt my own interest.

Look, I've just realized that

I can't always do the popular
thing, nobody can.

You know, sometimes I just
have to do what's right,

even if that makes some people
hate me.

I took some cold medicine
and slept through my alarm.

I know, you know, and I can
overlook all of that.
But not the popcorn incident.

I mean that was inexcusable.
You made people sick.

That's not fair.

I thought we used
Golden Topping.
That stuff never goes bad.

Yes, but, Heather,
I found the can sitting
on the heater vents.

I don't remember that.

So what I'm trying to say is,
Heather,

you're fired.

PATRICK: Holling!

Patrick!

Pick up the poignard.

Easy now, Patrick.

Who is this guy?

Son of the man
Holling shot.

Pick up the poignard.

Don't do this, Patrick.

I'm defending the honor
of my father you murdered.

Holling popped the cap
on a guy?

Quebecois business.

He butted in front of him
in line.

He pulled a gun on me first.

He died over a lousy
day-old croissant.

(ALL GASPING)

The boy grew up
without a dad.

WOMAN:
That's a terrible thing.

We lost Father when I was 1 4.
Equestrian fall.

It definitely changed me.

He's been sending you money
since you were a baby,

and you don't even
give a flyer?

Do you think that sending
money could make up
for what he did?

What money?
Holling's been supporting
Patrick for 25 years.

Say what?
How much have you
sent him, Holling?

$60 a month.
Some months, over a hundred.

How can you put a price
on a man's life?

lnsurance companies
do it all the time.

$60 a month,
25 years, that's...

$20,000.

(ALL GASPING)

And that's not adjusted
for inflation.

Pick up the poignard!

I won't.

Give me the knife.

Come on.

(ALL SlGHlNG)

Come on,
I'll pour you a beer.

SCHUSTER:
What's the meaning of this,
Mr. Stevens?

What's the meaning?
That's a good question.

Call it art, call it truth,
call it baseball.

Well, I take it
you're unwilling to finish
your oral examination?

Well, that's up to you.

I started thinking after
our conversation at Maurice's
the other night,

maybe I was wrong about
old Casey.

I see no need for second
guessing. Your dissertation
was aces, Chris.

Yeah, maybe. I just thought
I'd take another swing at it,
so to speak.

You know, try to get
at the heart of what Thayer
was trying to say.

I thought you were past
authorial reverence.

Professor Martin, you're up.

What?

Take the bat.

You're the catcher,
Professor Schuster.

I will not.

You will not. That's sad.
Eugene, do you mind?

You got it.

You're serious?

You're not afraid
of whiffing are you?

Give me a break.

If you don't know your way
around a hanging curve,
just say.

No, no, no,
I should warn you.

I batted .318
senior year of high school.

All right,
let's see your stuff.

„Ten thousand eyes were
on him as he rubbed his hands
with dirt.

Five thousand tongues
applauded as he wiped them
on his shirt.

And now the leather-covered
sphere came hurtling
through the air,

and now
Casey stood a-watching
with haughty grandeur there.

Close by the sturdy batsman,
the ball unheeded sped.

'That ain't my style,'
said Casey.”

(CHRIS GRUNTS)

Strike one.

„The umpire said.”

Wide by a mile!

„With a smile
of Christian charity great,
Casey's visage shone.

He stilled the rising tumult,
he made the game go on.

He signaled to the pitcher,
and once more
the spheroid flew,

but Casey still ignored it
and the umpire said...”

Strike two!

Stay out of it, Dick.

„The sneer is gone
from Casey's lips, his teeth
are clenched in hate.

He pounds,
with cruel vengeance,
his bat upon the plate.

Now the pitcher
holds the ball,
and now he lets it go.

And now the air is shattered
by the force of Casey's blow.”

You're out of there!

„Oh, somewhere in
this favored land,
the sun is shining bright.

The band is playing
somewhere, and somewhere
hearts are light.

And somewhere men are
laughing, and somewhere
children shout,

but there is no joy
in Mudville,
mighty Casey has struck out.”

That's what
Casey at the Bat is about.

That feeling
that's in your gut.

Pretty big line out there.

I guess Forrest Gump
really is more popular
than Nosferatu.

Oh, look, I know
you meant well, Ed.

Oh, it's probably
that Tom Hanks.

Yeah, could be.

I bet you if Tom Hanks
had played Nosferatu,
80 domestic, easy.

Oh, almost forgot.
I brought you the trades.

A week and a half old.
lgnore that stuff about HBO.

Thanks, Ed.

Sure, guess I'll open
the box office, boss.

You know, Holling,
I could have arranged
my own flight to Anchorage.

Maggie had
a morning flight anyway.

What's this?

Open it.

The Panama.
From the picture.

I had no use for it.
I thought maybe
you might like it.

That's great.
Thank you, Holling.

Listen, Patrick.

When I told you that I did
what I did out of guilt,

well, it may have
been true,

but the way it all turned out,
I'm not complaining.

SHELLY: Patrick.

Rice Krispy treats
for the plane.

Thank you, Shelly.

I don't know what to say,
after what I did.

I guess there's nothing
left to say, except...

Banzai, dude.
You be sure to write.

I will.

Au revoir.

SCHUSTER: Please rise.
When I call your names,

please come forward
and receive your diplomas,

which are but symbols of your
formidable achievements.

Warren Budrow, baccalaureate,
Department of Forestry.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Treena Petrakis,
master's degree,
Waste Water Management.

Congratulations.

Christopher Stevens,
master's degree,
Comparative Literature.

Congratulations, Mr. Stevens.
Thank you, sir.

Norma Joelson,
master's degree...

(WHOOPS)