Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 5, Episode 7 - Rosebud - full transcript

Hey, Maurice. Heard you wanted to see me.

Yeah, Ed. I've got a business
proposition I wanna run by you.

Me?
Yeah.

You know, for some time I've been thinking
about opening a hotel here in Cicely.

Like the Sourdough Inn. No, no. I mean a
hotel, Ed. That's a glorified Wendy House.

Just eight rooms
done up in Laura Ashley.

No, I'm talking about a hotel with a
restaurant where you can get a decent martini,

where you get valet service, where
the gals can have a beauty parlor.

You know, a minibar,
the whole shebang.

Well, sounds real great,
Maurice.

Yeah. The problem is you can't
get anybody to bankroll it...



unless you've got some good argument
for tourism, you know?

You've gotta have some kind of an event to put Cicely
on coffee mugs and T-shirts, that sort of thing.

I've been kicking the idea around,
and I've decided...

that a film festival is just the thing.

Wow! A Cicely film festival.

Yeah, why not?

Telluride, Colorado's got one.

So does Sarasota, Florida.

Two places that I wouldn't stop
to take a leak in.

And what about this
Sundance place, huh?

Everywhere you go,
Sundance this, Sundance that.

You open up the, uh, arts section
of the newspaper,

you get Sundance, Sundance, Sundance.

Reservoir Dogs. Harvey Keitel.



Micheal Madsen
cuts off this guy's ear.

That's a Sundance
movie, Maurice. Oh, yeah.

Well, they also have a catalog. You can order
Sundance garment bags, napkin rings, anything really.

Well, there you go, you see? You run a couple of rolls of film, and bingo
- you got yourself a trinket business.

I think it's time that we branded
that cash cow ourselves,

and I think you're
just the man to do it.

- I am?
- Yeah.

You're our resident film expert.
You take all the film journals.

I think you're just the man
to get this party going.

Morning, Joel.

You know, I've been meaning
to talk to you about something.

As you probably know,
I'm head of the volunteer fire department.

You are? I thought Maurice
was the fire chief.

Well, he was, but it's only a two-year post,
and I was voted in last spring.

Congratulations.
Thanks.

I'd like to recruit you as a member.

You want me to be a fireman?

You would breeze through
the approval process.

You're settled in town.
Everybody knows you.

And your medical experience
would be a great asset.

There are 50 hours of training,
a few weekend drills...

and a written exam,
but you'd ace that.

Can I sign you up?

I mean, I appreciate you
thinking of me, and-

I mean, I have nothing
but great admiration for you people.

I think it's incredibly selfless. Truly.

It shows a wonderful dedication
to the community.

I don't think it's me.

I see. It'll be $9.95.

You know. I mean, I'm just
conditioned in a certain way.

I don't really think of firefighting
as something you do in your spare time.

Where I come from,
it's a profession.

People are paid for it.
You know what I'm saying, right?

- You're saying no.
- Yeah, that's right, basically.

Well, think it over.

I will. I will think it over.

No, I won't. Look, I don't
want to lie to you, Ruth-Anne.

I have absolutely no interest
in being a fireman.

All right.

Hey, Ed. How's tricks?

Oh, hi, Leonard.
What tricks?

It's just an expression.

Oh, right.

I've been organizing
this film festival for Maurice.

Really?
Yeah.

I've been going through this book,
5001 Nights at the Movies,

trying to figure out a theme.

What do you think
of Pauline Kael?

Ah, we butt heads
over Bertolucci.

Right.

I got that article you sent me
on poultice making. Thanks.

Oh, I thought it might come in handy
with your shaman training.

Yeah, sure. Well, I haven't read
it yet. I mean, I've skimmed it.

Well, it looks very interesting.

It's about poultice making, Ed.

Right.

All right, folks. Now remember,

keep your victims low to the ground
and move away from the door.

This might be a drill, but I want you
to behave as though it's real.

First team.

It's dark in there, and you
can lose your way real easily.

Your buddy is your lifeline.

Ready? Go!

Not too close. Don't forget
about back draft. Go, go, go!

That's it.

All right, team's inside.

All right, second team,
let's get ready.

That's it.! Good work,
first team.! Good time.!

Now let's see if we can beat it.

Set it down right there.
- Second team, follow up!

Here we go.!
Right behind you.

Go!
Second team is clear.

Paramedics standing by.

Now let's prep for C. P. R.

Okay, next team move in.
Let's do it.

Check breathing and pulse.

Go on the other side.

Easy.
Oh, hi, Fleischman.

So you're a fireman too, huh?

Fire person.
Did you see my rescue?

I was disappointed
in my technique.

I went to the door too fast.
But Chris was great.

He anticipated my mistake,
and he compensated for it.

You know, he's really got
a great mind for this sort of thing.

He's instinctive. Please
don't start with me, O'Connell.

Start what? I'll admit I
have some vague obligation...

to fulfill my position
as a doctor in this town,

but my scholarship didn't say
anything about putting out fires.

It wasn't in the small print.
What are you talking about?

I'm not a firefighter, all right?

All right.

Hello, Leonard.
Here on business or pleasure?

Well, I suppose
you'd call it business.

Research, cross-referencing.
Is that a fact?

I have clients in the white community.
Our people are starting to assimilate.

The more I know
about white culture-

its mythology, its medicine, so on-
the more I can expand my practice.

I thought I'd start with the stories.

- What stories?
- You know, the healing stories.

I'm afraid I'm not with you,
Leonard.

Well, traditionally,

healers such as myself
found that storytelling...

has great curative powers.

People are fortified by parables-
legends, you might call them.

In our culture,

the theme is frequently some act
of faith or perseverance.

I'm looking for parallel stories
in the white culture.

Expressions of their
collective unconscious.

You mean folk stories
like Paul Bunyan.

Yeah, I know about him.
A mythic logger, right?

What exactly was his story?

Well, he was this 10-foot-tall logger
who-who had an ox.

I thought that was
Dinty Moore.

Let me ask you,

how does this character's story
impact on your life?

Are you aware of his influence
in your daily activities?

I have gone for years
without ever even thinking about him.

Hmm. Interesting.

Yeah, yeah. Hold your water.

Maurice.!
Yeah, I'm coming!

Good news, Maurice.
I have decided upon the centerpiece.

Centerpiece?
Yeah. The unifying factor here.

Ed, do you have any idea
what time it is?

- Late?
- Yeah, it's late.

Now, what is it that you couldn't wait
till daylight to tell me?

I've decided upon the theme
for the whole film festival, Maurice.

Yeah, what theme is that?
Orson Welles.

- Orson Welles?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That big, fat fella
that did the sherry commercials.

"We'll sell no wine before its time. "

But, Maurice, he is also one of the
greatest filmmakers that ever lived.

Citizen Kane
combined German expressionism...

with seamless storytelling
and flashback sequence.

It is widely regarded as the film that not
only taught directors how to make movies...

- but audiences how to watch 'em.
- Uh-huh.

Now, I've been in contact
with Peter Bogdanovich,

and he has given me
some great background material.

He and Orson,
they wrote this book about Orson.

Excuse me, Ed.

It seems to me that I remember Orson
Welles died sometime in the last decade.

1985, Maurice.

Why in the hell do you want to run old films
of some guy that's already kicked the can?

This is a film festival-
premieres, undiscovered talent.

Nobody's gonna fly up here to watch old
movies that they can rent from Blockbuster.

Maurice, we're gonna show
new movies too.

We're gonna use Orson
as kind of a textbook.

See, he was the ultimate
independent filmmaker.

Oh, well.

I guess since I put you in charge of this
business, I better trust your judgment.

Thanks, Maurice. But I want you
to get on this thing right now.

I want you to start talking
to me about new talent.

I want you to start using words
like " advertising,"

like " distributor," " indie-prod. "

You get my drift?
Sure, Maurice.

Good. Oh, and, Ed,
buy a watch.

Research into white healing
myths continued.

The source is Maggie O'Connell,
a Caucasian woman in her mid-30s.

Whoa, 31.

From Grosse Pointe, Michigan,
Scotch-Irish descent, college education.

Current occupation:
bush pilot.

Go ahead.
Okay.

This supposedly really happened to the
daughter of a lady in my mother's bridge club.

This girl was a senior
in high school back in the '60s,

and she had one of those thick,
ratted hairdos- a beehive.

That was the style back then.

Anyway, one day she felt that her scalp
was itchy, so she went to see her hairdresser.

And when the hairdresser peered into
the beehive, what do you think he saw?

A nest of black widow spiders.

No, maggots.
They were maggots.

Well, I heard it happened to a schoolteacher
over in Cantwell, and it was black widow spiders.

Huh. Really? The same story?

To the letter.
Except for the type of insect.

Hmm. Well, anyway, she used
sugar water to hold the hair up-

Uh-uh. Hair spray.
The bugs were drawn to it.

Uh-huh.

Then what happened?

Well, um,
maybe she got her hair cut.

Did the insects say anything?
Impart any wisdom?

No. Th-They were real maggots...
or spiders.

I see.
Wait.

Maybe she had a nervous breakdown.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Uh-huh.
Next.

A lady comes into Marshall Field's
and tries on this mink stole-

the kind with the head
still attached-

only the mink
isn't quite dead yet,

and he bites a big chunk
out of her arm.

Uh, hold on.
Yes, go ahead.

They gave her the mink.

Up and at 'em, Cicelians. This is Chris in the
Morning saying don't squander your daylight...

'cause the shadows are creeping across the
sill just a little bit sooner than they used to.

Volunteer Fire Department,
headed by Chief Ruth-Anne Miller,

has established
its new guidelines,

so why don't you pop by the radio station
and pick yourself up a copy.

We're looking for some volunteers
to man or woman...

the most recent addition to our
firefightin' family, the jaws of life machine.

Don't forget. This Saturday is our
annual fund-raising pancake breakfast.

We're trying to get some
state-of-the-art personal distress locators,

so why don't you come
and flap down some jacks?

You want to turn that down?
It's all for a good cause.

Did Mr. Reynolds's throat culture
come back yet?

No.

What, brushing up
on your C. P. R., are you?

It's required.
Yeah, it should be.

You'd be surprised how many health professionals
couldn't Heimlich their way out of a paper bag.

I have to know it for
the drill. What drill?

Fire department.

You're on the fire department?
Uh-huh.

Wait a minute. I mean, like,
you're a fireman? Uh-huh.

Really?

You know, Ruth-Anne asked me to join
the department as well.

Uh-uh.
Oh, yeah. She did.

I just
- I mean, I'd like to lend a hand where needed. I couldn't say yes.

The reason is that this town's
got one doctor, right?

And I didn't want to say this to her
because I know it sounds self-serving,

but that doctor's gotta think of certain
possibilities, certain scenarios.

What if someone had peritonitis
or a cerebral hemorrhage,

and the doctor's lying in I. C. U. with,
like, third-degree burns over his entire body?

I mean, the fact is that the health
and well-being of this town...

rests squarely on my shoulders,
and I feel that weight every single day.

I think I'd be grossly negligent
to put that at risk.

I can't join the fire department.

I mean, if I were in some other
line of work maybe,

but I've got a job where
I'm on call 24 hours a day.

And I think everyone should-
Excuse me.

Yeah?
I have to study.

Oh. Right.

Hey.! Hey, Maggie.!

Hey.
Are these for me?

Yep. Twenty-six reels
of Orson Welles films.

Ohhh. Can I look at 'em?

Sure.

These are the real thing, Maggie.

Thirty-five millimeter.

I mean, I've shot Super 8
and 16-mil, but this is different.

It's got weight.

Citizen Kane, the optical print.

Struck from the original, you know.

Mm-hmm. This is almost like touching
something that Orson Welles touched himself.

I love the part where the dining room table keeps getting
bigger and bigger till he and his wife are yards apart.

Yep. A few seconds to illustrate
a lifetime of alienation.

Yeah.

Boy, he was a magician, you know. Yeah.

No, I mean a real magician, Maggie.
He used to do tricks.

Really?
Yeah.

His whole concern was with how things
could be made to look like sleight of hand.

He didn't want to reproduce reality.
He wanted to re-create it.

Would you like some time
alone with him, Ed?

Well, if you wouldn't mind.

Just bring the dolly back
when you're through, okay?

Wilbur. My gosh, old times certainly
are starting all over again.

Old times. Not a bit.
There aren't any old times.

When times are gone,
they're not old. They're dead.

There aren't any times
but new times.

What are you studying in school?
I beg your pardon?

What are you studying in school?
College.

College.
Oh, lots of useless guff.

Why don't you study some useful
guff? What do you mean, useful?

Something you can use later
in your business or profession.

I don't intend to go into
any business or profession.

No?
No.

Why not?
Well, just look at them.

That's a fine career
for a man, isn't it?

Lawyers, bankers, politicians.

What do they ever get
out oflife, I'd like to know?

What do they know
about real things?

Where do they ever get?

What do you want to be?

Ayachtsman.

Hey, Leonard.
Hi, Shelly.

In the middle of the night I remembered
this totally superior story.

Ready?
Yeah. Just give me a second.

Okay. It happened in Texas or somewhere.

Okay, there's this guy-
real horn dog.

Always dippin' his wick
in the wrong wax.

He gets picked up
by this foreign babe.

She takes him back to her hotel.
They have a couple of drinks.

He starts to go woozy.
He passes out.

He wakes up,
he's tied to a chair,

and there's this teeny-weensy scar
above his hipbone.

A couple days later,
his pee turns pink.

So he goes to the doctor.
Doc gives him the once-over,

and... one of his kidneys is gone.

Gone?

You got it.
Yesterday's shoes.

The woman had charmed
the organ out of his body?

No. She cut it out
with a Swiss Army knife.

Well, what was
the purpose of this?

To sell to rich people
who need organs in Europe.

And this story is felt to have
some kind of value in everyday life?

Huh?

Was there some sort of life-altering
consequence, some moral derivative?

Think twice before you leave the bar,

'cause there are
some wacko babes out there.

Oh, hell.
Fire! Your truck's on fire!

Oh, whoa! Hey! Fire! Fire!

My truck's on fire.!
Can you get a blanket?

Ah!

Yeah, this is Dr. Fleischman. I'm
on Main Street. My truck is on fire.

Yeah, it's definitely an emergency.
No, I can't hold.

What do you mean, hold-
Hello?

Easy. Don't spook him.

- Ruth-Anne?
- What?

- Dr. Fleischman's truck is on fire on Main Street.
- Is he in it?

No, it's him on the phone
to the station.

Well, are there any lives
or structures at risk?

It doesn't sound like it.

- Don't swing the pallet!
- What do you want me to tell him?

Tell him to stay clear of the truck,
and we'll get there when we can.

What do you mean? Listen to me. My truck
is throwing flames 20 feet up into the air.

It is out there burning up
with all my stuff in it! Oh, God!

Fleischman!

Joel, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

It's just a truck!
Let it go!

It's not just a truck.
It's a shirt.

It's a brand-new Charvet shirt.
A Charvet dress shirt.

It's hand-stitched.

You call the fire department?

Whoa! Watch out!
Get away! Let's go! Go!

Joel!

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

Maurice, you're
not sleeping, are you?

No, Ed. I was just
sitting down to dinner.

Good. Maurice,
this is Peter Bogdanovich.

Mr. Bogdanovich-
Peter.

Peter.
You're the movie director.

The Last Picture Show,
Maurice.

Well, please come in. Oh,
thank you. Thank you very much.

This is a real honor, sir.
Uh, can I take your coat?

Yeah, yeah.

I've got some osso buco on the fire.
I'd like you to stay to dinner.

Osso buco. Well, I, uh-
I don't eat meat. Sorry.

Oh, well, I'm sure we can stir up
some vegetables for you.

Okay.
Uh, Ed, get a couple of setups.

Well, welcome to Cicely.
Oh, thanks.

I- I guess you're, uh-you're here
for the film festival, huh?

Yeah. Well, coincidence really.
I was in Fairbanks already,

scouting locations
for my next picture,

and my office forwarded
Ed's fax to me.

Ed and I have had
a fax relationship for years.

That kid's amazing, isn't he?

He's got more contacts in Hollywood
than the president.

You know, I- I've been
a great admirer of your work.

I particularly liked that, uh-
Oh, thank you.

that one that you made
with that little gal-

Uh, what's her name?
John McEnroe's wife.

- Oh, ex-wife. Paper Moon.
- Right. Yeah.

- She's a real pistol, isn't she?
- Yeah.

Uh, what other movies
that you've done have I seen?

Mask, Maurice.
Mask?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That picture with that, uh-

about that fella
with the tumors on his face.

Eric Stoltz. He plays a modern-day
Elephant Man. Cher plays his mom.

Cher. Now, that lady fills out a leotard.
Please, sit down.

Okay.

Would you care for some
merlot? Sure. Why not?

Try some of that, uh, buffalo mozzarella.
I have it flown in from New York.

Well, I don't eat cheese.
I'm a vegan. Sorry.

Hmm. You got anything
against tomatoes?

No. Not at all.

So, you're gonna show your new film at
our festival, huh? What's the name of it?

The Thing Called Love.
Well, that's an interesting idea.

I'd have to talk
to Paramount about that.

Uh, Maurice, Mr. Bogdanovich is kind
of beyond the Cicely Film Festival.

What the hell
is he doing here then?

Well, he's the keynote speaker.
What?

Well, I was a friend
of Orson's, you know.

We, uh-We worked together. We spent
a good deal of time socializing-

you know, having meals, talking
about pictures, that kind of thing.

He lived in my house
for a couple of years.

Is that a fact?
Yeah.

For 10 years he recorded
their conversations, Maurice.

Put them all in that great book.

Tell him about
The Lady From Shanghai.

Oh, yeah. Orson was, uh,
directing a stage production...

of Around the World in 80 Days,

and, uh, they didn't have
the money for the costumes...

'cause the producer went broke.

So he, uh, went to a pay phone,
and he called Harry Cohn at Columbia.

He says,
"I've got a great story for you...

if you send me $50,000
in one hour by telegram. "

Cohn says, " What story?"

And Orson's standing next to this
display of paperbacks.

He reads out the title
of the first one he sees.

He says, "The Lady From Shanghai.
Buy the novel, and I'll make the film. "

And Cohn sent him the money.

This is fascinating.
It, uh- It really is.

Ed, I have some misgivings,

Mr. Bogdanovich notwithstanding.

I have trouble seeing this film festival
getting off the ground during my lifetime.

Oh. Well, I'm getting to that, Maurice.

Getting to it?
I have hotel contacts.

I have a Franco-Taiwanese consortium
ready to throw up 60 rooms in 90 days,

but I need backing, Ed.

I need this film festival before
this winter. You understand me?

Uh, I see what you're saying, Maurice.

Good. Because if you can't do it,
I'll find someone who can.

Is that the osso buco?

Excuse me.

Ceilings- It's so simple, but it made
all the difference in the world.

Put the ceiling in the shot.
What an idea.

Yeah. You sure the bed and breakfast
is on this road?

Oh, yeah.
It's just right around the bend.

You know, my favorite part
is where he says,

"Peter, I hope you're not accusing
me of inventing the ceiling. "

But, you know, in cinematic terms,
that is just what he did.

Yeah. You get a lot of wolves
around here?

Wolves don't really attack people.
They mostly just keep to themselves.

Yeah, I've
- I've always heard that. Yeah.

It's the bears
you really gotta worry about.

My favorite quote from your book
is where Orson says,

"To function happily, I like to feel
a little like Columbus.

"In every new scene,
I want to discover America,

and I don't want to hear
about those damn Vikings. "

That's just what moviemaking is,
you know- a journey of discovery.

Ed, there's something I don't understand.
Why haven't you made a movie?

Well-
Why don't you get on with it?

You've got the knowledge.
You've got the passion.

You know, I have made a couple
of music videos for a local band.

No, no. I mean a real movie.

You know, work
the Native American thing.

Get yourself some funding.
Get Lou Diamond Phillips attached.

Ed, there's directors out there
that are 20, 21 years old.

Well, I've got this
shaman thing going. What?

Uh, I'm a shaman. What is that
- a medicine man?

Well, we like to say healer. You know, it's
a cultural thing. Takes up a lot of my time.

I see.
Yeah.

Well, I'm sure
you're a very good shaman.

Hi, Joel. Good news.

I got some garbage bags with
handle ties. I've saved you a box.

Oh, that's interesting, Ruth-Anne, 'cause
I happen to have something for you too.

What's this?
That's a bill for my truck.

That figure also includes a brand-new Charvet shirt,
still in the wrapper. What are you talking about?

What am I talking
- I'm talking about the fact that I stood there and watched my truck explode into a mushroom cloud...

while you and your so-called
fire department were off rescuing a goat.

That's what I'm talking about. Charlemagne
is the Monette's only milk-producing goat.

They couldn't get through
the winter without her.

Hey, I don't care if he's the last known goat
in the ecosystem. I know what this is about.

What do you mean?
It's about retribution.

This is about you getting me back
for not joining the fire department.

What?
Please, Ruth-Anne, don't deny it.

How can I?
It's preposterous.

You heard whose truck was involved, didn't
you? And then you just ignored the call.

I did not ignore anything.

I was in the midst
of a very delicate operation,

and I was told that there were no lives
nor structures at immediate risk.

I had all the facts, and I made a
decision. That's why I'm fire chief.

Yeah, well, you can write
me a check, Chief. Stop it!

The fire department can't reimburse
people for loss or damage.

Oh, they can when there's a flagrant
personal vendetta involved.

Go home and take a pill, Joel.
You're obviously traumatized.

Ruth-Anne, listen to me.
I will sue.

Do you understand what I'm saying?
I will sue this town,

and I will report you to whatever administrative
body oversees this kind of operation.

Why don't you fax
the New York City Fire Department...

and ask them how many checks
they've written for loss of property?

This isn't over.
This is far from over.

Sorry I'm a little late,
Maurice.

Ed, come here.
Take a look at this.

What do you think of that?

It's the alphabet.

No, Ed, it's typefaces.

There's a printer in Fairbanks
gonna give us a very good deal.

Now, once we decide
the style we want to use,

we'll incorporate your designs with it
and ship the whole thing.

Designs?

Yeah. You know, posters
brochures, flyers.

Cicely. Film festival.

You wanna stop me
when you're ready?

I don't have any designs,
Maurice.

What have you done
about the fund-raising?

What have you done
in that department?

What is that?
Pills.

What for?
My stomach.

Stomach flu?

No, stomach spasms, Maurice.

Dr. Fleischman gave them to me, but they're
not helping much. He says they're for stress.

P
- Pardon me, Ed, but what do you know about stress? You're not doing anything.

That's why I'm stressed, Maurice.

Sit down, son.

We've gotta talk.

Ed, how old are you?

I'll be 22 this March, Maurice.

Did you know that Orson Welles had
already made War of the Worlds at my age?

Already caused people
to jump off buildings.

And in three years,
he would make Citizen Kane.

Ed, don't you think it's time that you started
taking your life a little more seriously?

Yeah.
I had great hopes for you, son.

I gave you a tremendous responsibility
with this, uh, film festival.

A chance of a lifetime. But you didn't
step up to the plate with it.

Now, you've used
a good chunk of my change,

and all you've done
is watch Orson Welles movies...

and fly that friend of his out here
to drink my merlot and eat my tomatoes.

You, son-

You... are off the project.

Okay.

I got a little surprise
for all y'all out there

on this fine Wednesday morning.

Or would that be Woden's Day?
That's right.

I'm sitting here with Peter
Bogdanovich, well-known film director,

but better known to me, at least,
as editor of A Year and a Day,

an engagement calendar
that's based...

on the Celtic-Irish-Druid lunar
calendar of some 3,000 years ago.

I tell ya, ya gotta have all your
cylinders working to go on this ride.

Peter, why don't you explain briefly
how the calendar works?

Briefly? Thirteen 28-day months
plus one day.

Okay, a little less
briefly than that.

Well, um, it's taken from Robert
Graves's book, The White Goddess...

and the idea that 3,000 years ago
there was a matriarchal society.

Uh, that means, in layman's terms,
that the world was ruled by chicks.

Right.
And the idea was-

Peter, can you hold that thought
for just one second?

We have a special walk-on by our own
Charles Foster Kane, Maurice Minnifield.

This will just take a sec, Chris. I
wanted to give Mr. Bogdanovich this.

That will put you on an airplane
to Fairbanks Thursday at 0800.

Uh, that would be
Thor's Day, wouldn't it?

That would be tomorrow.
That's what that would be.

Nice meeting you,
Mr. Bogdanovich.

Leonard, have you heard this one?

Psychopath escapes
from the home for the mentally insane.

He's got this hook for a hand-

Yeah, a couple is parked
on Lover's Lane.

They hear a scratching
on the roof of the car.

Later on at a gas station,
they find a hook on the bumper.

Yeah! Creepoid, huh?

Yeah.
Well, gotta go do the refill run.

Leonard?

Have a seat.

Would you like
half a salmon melt?

No. I'm sick.

Hmm. You don't look so good.
What's wrong?

Well, I had trouble
sleeping last night,

and then I woke up
with this stomachache.

See, there's this guy
Peter Bogdanovich,

and he used to have lunch with one of
the greatest film directors of all time.

And his fried chicken
turned out to be a rat.

Huh?
Well, this is a story, isn't it?

Well, no. Well, I mean
it's not a story story.

Well, it's about me, Leonard.

Oh. Go ahead.

Okay. Well, there's this guy
Peter Bogdanovich,

and he asked me why
I wasn't making films,

and I told him it was
because I was a shaman.

Mm-hmm. And, well, you know,
Leonard, I'm not a shaman.

I had a calling, but I'm not
doing anything about it.

I just said that as an excuse
for not making films.

I never lied before, Leonard.

Well, about little things,
but this is serious.

So I just laid there all night
wondering why did I do it?

Why did you do it?

Because, Leonard, I'm a fraud.

Orson Welles made this film
called "F"for Fake.

And, Leonard, that's me.

I say I'm a shaman,
but I don't do it.

And I say I'm a filmmaker,
and I don't do that.

So I guess what I'm saying, Leonard,
is what am I doing?

Hmm.

Hey, Fleischman. I heard
about your truck. Tough break.

Oh, please, don't feign concern
on my behalf.

You can wipe that smug little
smirk off your face as well.

What? You know, I'm saying
I'm sorry about your truck,

and all of a sudden
I'm accused of smirking smugly?

I know you and everybody else
in this demented town are secretly-

no, let me amend that-
openly gloatingly pleased as punch.

What satisfying irony it must be.
What poetic justice.

Fleischman-
This is a free country.

I believe I can not join the fire department
and still expect my fires to be put out,

just like I believe I cannot join the air force
and still expect to be protected from nuclear war.

Yes, you're right. You're right.

Look, Fleischman, you don't want
to be a firefighter, that's fine.

Don't gaslight me. I happen to know
my name came up the last three meetings.

Eventually everybody's name
comes up, Fleischman.

And, you know, being who you are,
nobody really ever expected you to join.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, the department works
on a buddy system, all right?

- And frankly-
- Oh, what? I'm not a buddy?

You're the one who's made it clear
from day one how you felt about being here.

You know, Fleischman,
you're not a team player.

I am a private person.
New Yorkers are like that.

It comes from living in an overpopulated,
crime-infested island. We like our space.

- Does that mean I deserve to burn to death?
- No.

So what are you saying?

How can you make a blanket implication like
that- I'm not a buddy- and just leave it there?

Now, look, you go into a room
that's filled with smoke.

It's so thick, you can't even see
your hand in front of your face.

You're depending on your partner.
You're trusting that person with your life.

Are you saying that you wouldn't go
into a burning building with me?

What the hell is that
supposed to mean? Fleischman-

Wait. How am I supposed
to interpret that?

I'm sorry. Okay?

Hey, Leonard, grab a cue.

Hey, did you hear this one?
Horse goes into the doctor's office.

The doc says,
"Hey, why the long face?"

I've failed, Chris. I can't locate
the white collective unconscious.

Ah, I wouldn't feel
too bad about that.

You know, Western culture hasn't really
carried the baton on folklore and mythology.

The rise of Christianity
put the kibosh on that.

And then the gospel hits the number-one best
seller list, and everything else gets remaindered.

These stories are interesting
in some anthropological context, I guess,

but mostly they seem to apply
to high school students.

- Hmm.
- There's often some mishap involving a rodent or something from the arachnid family,

and the victim of this misadventure
invariably reacts negatively.

Goes ballistic, freaks out, has a hairy fit,
culminating in either insanity or litigation.

Yeah, not much
you can use there, huh?

I simply can't find any healing
properties in these fables.

White people don't seem concerned at all
with using mythology to heal themselves.

In fact, they seem intent
on making each other feel worse.

So I'm abandoning the project.

Hey, Leonard, I don't think
you gotta do that.

I mean, you know, there's gotta be
something to be learned from this.

Maybe
- Maybe it's just indicative of how threatened we feel in the wake of the Industrial Revolution.

How is that?

Well, you know, it's just not
the clock maker and the clock anymore.

Everything's rolled off
the assembly line, you know.

We feel rattled by the anonymity
of our possessions, you know.

Hey, where'd that come from?
Who's this guy? Who can I trust?

I mean, mass production gave rise to
capitalism, but it undermined the individual,

which in turn killed God,
and we as a society...

have filled that vacuum
with fear and paranoia.

How does the rise of capitalism explain the
one about the young woman in the Volkswagen?

Oh, yeah, right.

The, uh, drive-in movie,
Spanish fly, gearshift deal.

I don't know, brother.
You're on your own there.

Three hours and 50 minutes late,
but we did it.

Tired?
Tough day.

A wasted day.
Wasted?

You only made the paper over
four times tonight. That's all.

I've changed the front page a little,
Mr. Bernstein. That's not enough.

No, there's something I've got to get
into this paper besides pictures and print.

I've got to make the New York Inquirer as
important to New York as the gas in that light.

What are you gonna do, Charlie?

Declaration of principles-
Declaration of principles scene.

Hi, Leonard. Yeah.

Notice the way Kane's face
is in the shadow...

and the other two are lit?

It's foreboding.

This is the scene which establishes
Kane up as the tragic hero.

How's your stomach?

It's okay. Better.

See how Kane smiles here?

He realizes this may
come back to haunt him.

I will also provide the
- That's the second sentence you've started with " I."

People are gonna know
who's responsible.

They're gonna get the truth in the Inquirer
quickly and simply and entertainingly,

and no special interests are gonna
be allowed to interfere with that.

You've seen this a number
of times? Oh, yeah. Sure.

Yet you want to see it again. Why?

Well, just look at it.
It's a great story.

It's beautiful, fearless.

You know that quote
in the beginning where Kane says,

"It might be fun to run a newspaper"?

Mm-hmm. Well, I think that's the
way Orson Welles approached this.

"It might be fun to make a movie. "

He didn't know what he was doing, and
yet he did something that was perfect.

Makes you think
about what's possible.

May I have that, Charlie?
I'm gonna print it. Solly!

Yes, Mr. Kane? Here's an editorial,
Solly. I want you run it in a box-

Maybe this is it.

What?
White medicine.

You better go down and tell them.
Movies.

Solly, when you get through
with that, You see, it's magic.

I'd like to have it back.

It seems to have cured you.

Well, my stomach feels better.

But before long,
the movie'll be over,

and I still won't know
what to do with my life.

I'd like to keep that particular
piece of paper myself.

I have a hunch it might turn out
to be something pretty important.

I'm really confused, Leonard.

The path to our destination
is not always a straight one, Ed.

We go down the wrong road.
We get lost. We turn back.

Maybe it doesn't matter
which road we embark on.

Maybe what matters
is that we embark.

Nobody in the movie ever learns
what " Rosebud" means, do they?

No.

Come on.
Easy, Joel. That's it.

Come on, Fleischman, jump!
You can do it, Joel.

Trust us, Joel.
Take a deep breath.

Right there.
Come on, Fleischman. It's all right.

Come on!

Jump, Joel.
We'll catch you.

Come on, Joel.
There's nothin' to it.

Come on, Fleischman, jump!
It's all right.