Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 5, Episode 6 - Birds of a Feather - full transcript

Ma, Dad.
How do you like that?

She just put the plane on
the grass like there was an airport.

Watch your step, Mom.
Be careful. Right there.

It's so warm here, I'm toasting. This
is Alaska. Right? Watch your head.

Icebergs, igloos, polar bears,
am I wrong?

Hot! Hi, sweetheart. Igloos
are a little farther north.

Come on.
Give your mom a big hug.

Finally, I thought I'd die.

Ma, it's good to see you.

Look at you.
You're so handsome.

Doesn't he look good?
Looks good.



Dad, how are you doing?
Have a good flight?

Ever fly in a plane like that?
Nope.

We saw a glacier on the way over.
Can you imagine?

1,200 feet thick of solid ice.
3,000 years old.

Isn't that what she said?
Well, I can tell you, that TV...

just doesn't do
the color justice.

How could it?
I'll help the girl with the bags.

- Oh, no, no, no. L- Let
me get these. - I'll do it.

Come on.
I'll do it.

Thank you.

What, Ma? I don't know. It's
just-just so wild up here.

Look at it. I mean, we're so far
from anything, aren't we?

Yeah.
You can feel it. It's-

Isolated.



I expect to be charged
by a moose any minute.

Let me tell you something, you have reached
the geographical axis of the middle of nowhere.

I'm not kidding.

All right. Good. I think that's
everything. Here's your purse.

Thank you.
This yours, Joel?

Courtesy of the great state of Alaska. You realize
you got a good-sized rust spot in that wheel well.

If I were you, I'd take a wire brush to it
and prime it before it eats through the fender.

Dad. Three bucks worth of paint
and a half hour on a Saturday,

saves you 500 bucks
on a new fender.

You know what?
You're right.

You're absolutely right.
I should take care of it.

I will.
Thank you.

Okay, guys. I think you're set.
Nice meeting you.

You too and thank you.
Yeah.

Right.
Yeah. Have a good time.

Watch your feet.
Seems like a very nice girl.

Hey, uh, if you're not doing anything
later, why don't you stop by? Yeah?

Well, I don't know, Fleischman.
I don't want to intrude.

Don't you have a lot of
catching up to do? Yeah, we do.

I just thought, you know, a little
home cooking. You're a friend.

Fleischman,
you're gonna be okay.

What?
Of course I will.

Yeah, you will.
See ya.

See ya.

One Super Sub Special.

Shelly, hon. Road Freight
dropped this by for you.

Me?
From San Diego.

Another baby-things box
from your mom, no doubt.

Tamster strikes again!
Imagine-

Child hasn't even taken his first breath,
already he's got two of most everything.

Oh, wow!
It's a troll mobile.

Can you see this twirling overhead
for stimulation? What vibrant hair.

Holling, they have their own show. Oh.

Oh, ho. No way.

Grab your socks, H.
You are gonna love this.

What is it?
Ready?

A ball glove.

Mmm! Smells
like real leather, almost.

"Something for the little guy
to scoop up the grounders. Kenny. "

Does Tammy's hub know
what's what or what?

Mighty thoughtful of Kenny.

Bet you can't wait, huh, H?

You and the little guy, out back
of the alley playing toss-ums?

You'll be having such a gas,

I'll have to lasso you to get you
back up to the love grotto. Yeah.

So he fakes his own suicide and he
runs off to Mexico with a chippy...

and, meanwhile, in San Diego, his
business empire is completely crumbling.

Uh-huh. Now, if Kinsey
Millhone finds out...

thatJaffe is still alive down there- his
wife, by the way, is a horrible human being-

she is gonna have to return
the insurance benefits.

What's so great about Sue Grafton
is there's always a clever twist.

You're rooting for him,
not her.

I won't tell you what happens.

You've got a bad seal gasket on that stool
in there. You didn't hear it dripping?

Uh, no. Well, you're filling
up your cesspool needlessly.

Cesspool, right?
Gotta be.

You know, I-I, um-
I don't know.

Oh, you'll know.

Okay, you two. One more
minute on the beans. Sit.

All righty.

I used to cook the life out
of green beans...

till they were almost mush,
remember?

Now, everything is al dente
and, you know, I think they're right.

Hey, you still driving the van?

I, uh, bought a Horizon.

Really? You like it?
It's okay.

- What do you say, Ma? I thought we were gonna eat.
- See? What did I tell you?

Perfect. Brown.
Skin's crispy.

And, lookit, all the fat
runs into the pan.

Oh, look at that. That is
absolutely delicious-looking.

You preheat to 425-
Fifteen minutes a pound.

I tuck some garlic cloves, maybe six or
seven, between the skin and the flesh.

Some people say fresh sage, but I've
tried the powder, nothing terrible happens.

- I'm leaving this roaster for you.
- Your mother and that roaster.

Oh, yeah? Before I had it,
I was skinning the chicken.

- It was so dry, you wouldn't touch it.
- You know, I have a thought.

There, um-You might be more comfortable,
there's this great B&B down the road.

I mean, it's really nice.
A hotel?

- Don't be silly.
- It's just an idea, you know. It's a little newer.

What do you think we're doing
here? We came to see you.

Oh! The beans.
And, Joel, listen to me.

You don't have to be some expert
to cook this chicken.

You don't even have to look at it
till you take it out of the oven.

You might want to squeeze a little
lemon on it just before you carve.

But, uh, you didn't
have any lemon.

There's a plastic one
in the fridge.

Nadine!

Nadine, can we eat?

What?

Here's the pitch. It's hit deep to center.
He's going back.

It's going over! No.
Catch it, man! Go for it!

Way back to the warning
track. Oh! Beautiful catch! Oh!

Damn it! How'd he do that?

Whole arm goes back
over the fence.

Hey, Holling,
time for twofers yet?

Uh-huh.

Couple more of the same, Chris? Yeah,
give me some of them rinds, would ya?

Good game, huh?

Nothing like your local neighborhood
tavern this time of year.

Pennant drive's on. Pitchers coming in with
their smoke high and fast. Runners running.

I mean am I-Am I right, Holling,
or am I right or am I right?

Wish I could agree.

What say, Holling?

Chris, can I unburden
myself to you?

What you got going on there,
Holling?

It's this baseball business-
All sports, really.

You see I never paid much mind
to it before, but now with Sh-

with Shelly in the family way-
Right.

I'm, uh- I mean, she's all skippers
about me playing catch with the child.

Uh-huh. I'm not the kind of fellow that,
uh, that enjoys that type of activity.

What, playing ball?

Oh, Chris, it bores me foolish-
Numb, really.

Even when I was a youngster, other kids, you
know, they curled on the ice, skated hockey.

Me? I always preferred the company of
my 20-gauge, and I ate what I killed.

Wait a second, Holling.
Let me get this straight.

You saying you don't like sports?
Especially baseball.

That game is as slow as sap.

Holling, I never had you figured for
this kind of fellow, you know what I mean?

I mean, you always got
the game on the tube there.

You know, you talk the talk. Well, patrons
expect the barkeep to know the score,

but as far as liking it and as far as being
a pa who plays ball with his youngster-

Well, let me tell you, you'd be
- You'd be bucking a heavy bonding ritual.

I mean, you know, even my old man,
when he wasn't wailing on me,

we're out there, you know,
I'm shagging flies.

Yeah, well, it's beginning
to gnaw on me.

Hey, Holling, this is no reason
to beat yourself up.

I mean, there's gotta be
plenty of guys like you.

They like to get out there
with the old lady and hit the mall...

instead of get a couple of cases,
you know, some chips, you know,

hooting and hollering
with the fellows.

You think? Oh, yeah,
there got to be, Holling.

I mean, I don't know any of'em,
but they gotta be out there, right?

We've been after Leo three
years to network our computers.

I have to walk my floppy disks over to
Pearl's hard drive to print my payroll.

How productive
can that be?

I hope these pears turn out.

Have you got some Equal in there?

In Guardian Angel she didn't say
whether they were Bartlett or Bosc.

That's the Paretsky. Warshowski
served poached pears in cream.

Stimudent?
Huh.

Coronary bypass surgery.

Yeah?

A lot of controversy
stirring pro and con.

So what do you think?
I think it's complicated.

The operation?
The subject.

Mom?

Nadine?

Mom?

Mom?

Ma?

What's going on?
What are you doing out here?

Oh, nothing.

A- Are you okay?
I mean, is everything all right?

Listen to that.
It's so still.

You could hear the bird's
wing creak. The bird's?

Yeah, it flew by again.
A bird?

Oh, a marvelous big bird, Joel.

Didn't you ever see it?

I- I don't think so.

Oh.

Well.

A K-Bear P. S. A. here.

Still some spaces left on the
baseball pool over at The Brick.

Buck a pop, same as last year. No ticket,
no laundry. It's a Ben Franklin to win.

And back by popular demand,

yours truly is gonna be
giving his end-of-the-inning rundown...

for anybody who can't
stick close to their sets.

And, citizens, oh,
what a task that is,

to paint in words
the sheer athletic ability...

of Ken GriffeyJr. climbing
the wall to snag himself a homer.

The high anxiety
of the game.

Bases loaded, two outs,
bottom of the ninth.

Cotton mouth and beating heart.
Do you need any more than that?

People, yesterday, I met a man
who said he didn't care for the game.

Didn't-care-for-the-game.

Man, I felt so bad for this guy.

Doesn't like baseball.
How can you not like baseball? Hmm?

How can you not
love it?

Can you even get
into that head?

Know why it wobbled?
Some clown...

hammered a couple of 16 penny nails
right into the cross bracing.

- See the wood?
- It's split.

Three-quarter-inch fir
can't take nothing but six.

If he'd, uh, pre-drilled,
sunk some wood screws...

or even doweled the leg,
I wouldn't have to be doing this.

Oh, that's some rash
you got there.

What's it itch?
No, more of a burnin' sensation.

Okay, tell you what.
Raleigh salve.

- Oh?
- Combination antihistamine, diphenhydramine compound.

It'll help numb the itch,
dry it out.

Comes in a little round tin,
should be around four bucks.

- Hmm.
- Hey, Dad, I really appreciate this,

but do you think you can
wrap it up pretty soon, all right?

And Mr. Pettit,
let's take a look at that rash.

That's all right,
Dr. Fleischman.

Your father here told me
about this Raleigh salve I should try.

- Raleigh salve?
- It'll take the heat of it for him.

Yeah, that's true.
That is true, Mr. Pettit.

Uh, you could try Raleigh's
ointment. It's basically calamine.

It'll relieve some itching
and probably it won't harm you.

Or you can come inside and let me take a look and
make sure that you don't have a secondary infection,

then I will prescribe a two-percent
hydrocortisone cream...

which would not only relieve the symptoms,
it will heal the rash itself.

Well, I see.
This way, Mr. Pettit.

I put some extra fish fritters
and tartar sauce on there for you, hon.

High five on the bean 'n bacon
today, H.

Well, that's mostly
the Liquid Smoke.

Oh, boy.

All this ball game brouha.

Yeah, can't keep them in beer
and salty nuts this time of year.

Yes, but, it's unbelievable,
don't you think?

How folks, uh, put so much
store in the game?

I guess.
Now you take Chris.

There's a fellow that usually
sees both sides of the road.

But only yesterday I was talking to him
about my feelings and my attitudes...

about the sport of baseball-

Well, all sports, really, but how I don't
really care for baseball, in particular,

and how I've been concerned, you know,
because the baby's coming and all,

about becoming a good father.

Well, you should have seen the way he looked at me
- Like I was from Neptune.

Imagine, huh?
You don't like baseball?

Oh, no. No. No, I don't.

But, uh, I'm sorry that Chris
blabbed it all over the radio.

But you like hockey, though,
right?

Shel, hockey?

No, truth is, I don't have time
for any of'em.

But for people to judge a man's
worth, and his very manhood,

according to the way
he feels about a sport,

and not to recognize it for the piddly
inconsequential goings-on that it really is.

Yeah.
What is it, really?

It's nothing, right?
It's just a game.

Yeah.
It's just a game.

Hey, guys. Look at me.
I went crazy over there.

I'm not much of a shopper,
but you were right, Marilyn.

Ruth-Anne has
a lot of cute things.

What do you think of these?
Potholders.

I got 'em for all the
girls in the office. Fish.

She had bears and wolves, but these
jumped right off the shelves. Cheerio?

No, thank you. I know they're breakfast
food, but I pop 'em like candy.

I always have,
ever since I was a kid.

Same as my aunt.
Your aunt?

She snacks on Cheerios too?
Uh-huh.

You're like her.
She's an eagle.

Your aunt?
You are too.

What?
I'm an eagle?

Uh-huh.
Your spirit.

It's special.
Wow, really?

Herb, did you hear Marilyn?
She says I'm an eagle spirit.

- Mm-hmm.
- Want to see some eagles?

- Real eagles? Birds?
- I can show you.

Oh, you don't get a chance like
that every day.

Bye, Herb.

You know there was a lovely
aviary in the Bronx Zoo.

So, we'll see you next week, right?

Well, that's comin' along, Dad.
Mm-hmm.

I could've sworn I heard Mom out
here, no?

She was.
Oh, she left?

Mm-hmm.
Where'd she go?

Out.

Yeah.
Dad, where?

With the Indian girl.
Marilyn?

- Where'd they go?
- Somethin' about lookin' for eagles.

Eagles? Birds. Eagles. I
don't know. You live up here.

Huh.
Well.

- Are you hungry?
- I could eat.

Let's go.

We almost moved to Peekskill when the
kids were little, for a yard, you know,

but Herb would've had to start
all over again, put out flyers.

It takes a while to develop
word of mouth.

This is it.
Here?

Oh, isn't this gorgeous?

It was worth every step
of that walk.

This is my rock.

So, and you just come out here
and, uh, what?

You just take in all this
beauty?

I sit, think,
and sometimes-

Well, you think we're really
gonna see some eagles today?

Because nobody
is gonna believe me.

What's that mean, anyway,
to be an eagle spirit?

Well, number one
- Because it's funny, when you said that about my being an eagle.

I have always
had a thing about eagles.

The eagle wasn't
always the eagle.

Pardon?
The eagle,

before it became the eagle,
was Yooxayatangi, the talker.

Oh.

This is a legend?
Yooxayatangi talked and talked.

It talked so much,
it heard only itself-

Not the river, not the wind,
not even the wolf.

Oh. The raven came and
said, "The wolf is hungry.

"If you stop talking,
you'll hear him.

The wind too, and when you hear
the wind, you'll fly. "

So he stopped talking.

Mm-hmm.

And became its nature-
The eagle.

The eagle soared,

and its flight said
all it needed to say.

- You gonna be running machinery on that slab?
- No. Just a small Cats.

We're gonna be moving some
pallets around.

Make sure they've got enough Portland
cement in the concrete mix then.

You want to get that
as hard as possible.

Here's your longnecks,
Mr. F. Thanks, Shelly.

Thanks. Another thing, since
you're pouring in winter,

keep an eye on the amount of calcium
chloride they're willing to throw in there.

Well, uh, don't you have to use calcium chloride
to make it set up quicker because of the cold?

But there's a trade-off, Ruth-Anne. Too much,
it'll get brittle, eats at the steel support rods.

- Government jobs, we can't even use it.
- Hey, Joel, your old man really knows his business.

You kidding? Herb Fleischman,
the man knows concrete.

- Tell 'em who knows anatomy then.
- Dad.

I'm serious. Tell 'em who got you
through that anatomy course in Colombia.

The poor kid just couldn't
retain the names of the bones.

I had to quiz him every weekend.
He would've flunked.

Humerus, radius, ulna, phalanges,
navicular, tibia, fibula, femur.

- I said, Joel, what is the femur if not a joist?
- Excuse me.

Hey, that's right.
The femur is a joist.

I never thought about it
that way before.

It must be real nice having
your father up for a visit. Yeah.

You planning on turning in
anytime soon, Shel?

Just got to get
these valances hung.

And very fetching curtain
ruffles they are too.

At least our kid'll have that
much going for him.

Shelly. Well, Holling,
you could have told me.

You could have at least
warned me.

You said yourself
it's only a game.

Don't you think I don't know
that, Holling. I know that.

But it's not just about me
anymore. It's this.

What about our kid?

What's it gonna be like for him
when he's seven or something...

and all his little crew
is out there-

Worse, he won't even
have a crew.

They'll be swinging bats and...

knockin' balls through
people's windows.

Where's Pooper gonna be?
Playing jacks?

Skipping rope?

Collecting stamps,
like cousin Donny.

Who?
Ginger's kid.

Donny got his butt whomped on
a regular basis-

Split lip, bloody nose.

Come running home
with one shoe missing.

And you know why? It's
'cause he was a sports wuss.

It's the guys, Holling.

You gotta know that!

Wh-What do dudes talk about?

They talk about the Dodgers,
the Sealskins, "B. R. A. 's"and stuff.

Like, Lookit.
Doctor F.

Major dweeb potential there,
remember?

But he coached b-ball,
and he swings golf clubs.

And now he can hang
in any bar on this planet.

I know it's just a stupid,
little, stupid game, Holling.

But what else is there?

Lorna Doones, butter brickle
and butterscotch fudge.

That be it for today, Joel?

Yeah. Well, let me tell you something,
this heap of empty calories is not for me.

It's for Herb.

Every night before he goes to bed, he has
to have his two scoops. Arteries be damned.

Oh, I threw in a-a box of, um,
Good & Plenty.

Tell him, hello.

I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
All right. I'll see you at 3:00.

Oh, my appointment?
I canceled.

I thought that knee was giving
you trouble.

Pain's all gone.

- Gone?
- Uh, Herb lent me some of his oil of wintergreen.

My father gave you
oil of wintergreen?

And it worked fantastic.

I'm gonna start carrying it again.
Um-

Let's just back up here,
shall we?

Oil of wintergreen
is not what you need.

Well, Joel, it-it took
the stiffness right out.

No, it didn't. It-It relieved
some of the pain, which is fine.

But you have D. J. D., Ruth-Anne.
We've been through this many times.

Degenerative joint disease.
Yes.

The cartilage in your knee is degenerating.
It will continue to degenerate...

no matter how much wintergreen
unguent you rub into the skin.

I want to see you at my
office at 3:00. If you insist.

I insist.

Fifty-nine? Number 59?

Who didn't put the paper
in the printer?

Nadine?

Refuse continues to pile up
as the sanitation-

Nadine, you seen
the remote control?

Get out of the road!
Who taught you how to drive, huh?

Your mother?
Nadine?

Nadine?

Dad, I need to talk to you.
In a minute.

"In a minute"-
That's perfect.

- Where's Mom?
- She took a walk.

Look, I need to speak to you right
now. I want to get something straight.

I don't want you giving medical advice
to my patients, do you understand?

No one in this town, for that matter,
not even a cough drop, is that clear?

- What are you talking about?
- You know exactly what I'm talking about.

And it's dangerous. You are
practicing medicine without a license.

Dad, it's a felony.

Don't you realize it demonstrates
your complete lack of regard for me,

my relationship to
the people in this town?

Fine.

Well, you-you know what?
It's not fine, okay?

I mean, you-you-you come here and you
take over, just like you always do...

and you think you can do and say whatever
you want and no one's gonna stop you.

- Well, I'm stopping you.
- Are you done?

And just what do you think you're doing?
I didn't ask you to fix my ceiling.

Some of the slap plaster's crumbly.
It needs patching.

See, that's what I mean.
Did I ask you to do it?

No. It's my ceiling.
if I want it fixed, Dad,

believe me I'd say, " Please,
my roof is leaking, fix it. "

- You want it raining on your head? Is that what you want?
- That's right. That's what I want.

Exactly. I want it pouring, okay? I want a flood, I
want a deluge. I want a snowdrift in my living room.

- Every kind of inclement weather, I want it to come down on my head.
- Come on.

Dad, I-I'm not kidding. Stop it.
Get out of here.

Give me the chisel.
No.

Dad, just give me the chisel!
Just-

Hey!
Let go of me!

Dad, give me that chisel!

Oh, man, all right. This could be
it! This could be all she wrote.

There's the windup.
The pitch.

No! No!

It's all over, you bum!

Hey. Hey, I'll tell you boys
something.

My guys are goin' all the way
this year. Series, here we come.

Aw, you can't even call it
"ball" anymore.

Free agency ruined
the damn game.

Hey, Dave, take a look there at the, uh, the
pool card and see who won the kitty this year!

A hundred buckaroos that ought to
get you a weekend's worth ofbooze.

Maybe it will be my squares. Got my
sight set on a stroller in the catalog.

Totally decked-
Tasseled awning, wing-nut brakes.

Sorry, Shel, the pool's got
my name on it this year.

Come on, Dave.
Chop, chop. Who won it?

Square six for the home team,
four for the visitors-

It's Holling.
Holling?

- Vincoeur? - Holling
won the pool? - I did?

See? Square six, four.
There's your name.

No. It's all yours. Congratulations, Hol.

No. No way.

Thank you.
I guess that's that, then.

I can't believe it.

He doesn't even like the game.

Oh, well, there you are.

Will you please show me
where you hid Miss Elam's chart?

Marilyn, we need to keep these
things in alphabetical order...

so that I can spend my time
practicing medicine...

instead of playing hide-and-seek
with our filing system.

Here.
Oh.

Thanks.

Where is my mother,
anyway?

I mean, I don't understand. She comes
up here and she practically abandons me.

Usually, I have to keep her at arm's length,
and I can't even find her.

The woman is acting very strange.

Maybe at Flat Rock.
Flat rock?

What? Look Down Point again?
Are you kidding me?

She didn't see
enough eagles with you?

All of a sudden Nadine Fleischman
is likeJohn J. Audubon.

I mean this from a-a woman
who thinks pigeons are-are flying rats.

- I get it.
- You get what?

- You had a fight with your dad.
- What?

You and your dad got in a fight.

- No, we didn't.
- Yes, you did.

Okay, we did.

It wasn't a fight and it
certainly wasn't my fault,

but the man pushes
and he pushes and-

Well, I-I let him.
I admit it.

If I'm guilty of anything,
it's of passivity.

I'll tell you something,
Marilyn, it's over,

because there comes a time in every man's life
where he has to stand up on his hind legs...

and claim his ground
and plant his flag.

And you know what?
I'm glad.

That's right.
You heard it.

I- I'm not sorry, not at all.

And I'm not saying it wasn't difficult,
because it was wrenching. It was painful.

And I'm sure it was for him, but, hopefully,
he will learn something from this...

because believe me,
I have.

Dad?

Dave filleted some salmon
for you.

Where's Mom?
Out.

Yeah, out where?
I told you, she took a walk.

She's not back yet?

Dad, it's getting cold
and it's starting to rain out there.

I can see that.
Well, I'm gonna go look for her.

Suit yourself.
Hi.

Mom? What happened to you? You're
all messed up. What did you do?

Oh, I'm fine.
I just fell, is all.

What do you mean, you
fell? I fell off the cliff.

- What cliff? - Will you
let her talk! - At Flat Rock.

You fell off a cliff? Are you
saying you fell a hundred feet?

You just slipped and fell?
- Oh, boy, you look dazed.

Sit down, please. Just sit
down. I want to look at you.

I'm fine. I just
- It could be a massive concussion.

I'm fine. I just-

I just walked out
to get a better view...

and I felt my feet slip on the gravel,
and then I went over.

But I-I didn't fall.

It was like, uh,
I went down on the wind.

The wind?

Yeah, it was like I was gliding
and then I was on the ground.

I don't know. It was, uh-
It was the most amazing thing.

Ma, I-I don't understand. Are you
trying to tell us that you flew?

Nadine?
Please, both of you.

I just want to take a nice
warm shower.

Did you see
the way he cut back?

Yeah, nice pass.
What is that, rugby?

No, Australian League Football.
Live from Melbourne.

Hey, Vincoeur.

Why don't you hippity hoppity over here
and get us gents another round of Yukon?

- Hippity hoppity.
- "Hippity hoppity, my son John,

went to bed with his stockings on. "

Hippity hoppity, my son Pete,
went to bed with stinky feet.

Okay, that's it. I don't want to hear
another dang word about it-

Any of it.

And I'll tell you boys something
else I don't want to hear any more of.

I don't want to hear any more
of this noise.

Vincoeur, what are you doing?
We were watching that!

Hey, Holling, it's halfway
through the second half.

It's my bar.
I'll do what I want.

And I'll tell you something else
I don't want.

I don't want any more of this
pool money.

There it is,
every last red cent of it.

Holling! That's the layaway
dough for the stroller!

Well, I don't want it!

It's sporting money and I won't have
anything to do with it anymore. Take it, Mike.

- Me? No.
- You heard me. Take it. It's yours. I mean, aren't you the man...

who watches all those grown men
chase little balls around all the time?

Half your life you're doing that.
What are you waitin'for? Take it!

Okay.

Okay, I'll take it,

but I'm not comin' back in here
again, ever.

Anybody else feels likewise, don't let the
door bust you on the backside on your way out.

You people.

You think a man's a man
because he wears team colors...

and guzzles beer
in front of the tube?

Can't you see, boys? The sands of time
are dribbling through the hourglass.

Don't you ever thirst for a little
discourse, hunger for a little knowledge?

Can't we even try a little
Face the Nation for a change?

I mean, maybe a little C-Span
or Discovery Channel?

My God. There is a whole world
of information on that thing.

I mean, all about pygmies
and...

uh, whales,
and the Battle of Verdun.

Would it pain you so much
if we watched my programs for a bit?

Like it or not, that's the way
it's gonna be around here.

Uh, Ma, wh-what
are you doing up?

I- I thought you were gonna
lie down.

Hi, honey.

Look, I-I've gotta talk to you.

I- I feel worried about you.

I mean, you've been acting
incredibly strange...

and you're quiet
and this nonsense about flying.

I mean, come on, Ma.

Jewish women from Queens
don't fly. I'm serious.

I mean it's- It's a law of physics.
Mass falls at a set rate of speed.

It's 32 feet per second squared,
to be exact,

but, I mean, when it hits the ground,
if it's a human being,

believe me, it splatters.

Try this on.
Just do me a favor.

Would you just follow my finger?
Joel, enough.

Arm, please.
What is this?

This is your Uncle Manny's coat.

If it fits, it's yours.

His coat?

Oh, wow.

Manny's camel coat.

Button it up.

You have enough room
in the shoulders?

Raise your arms.
Uh-huh.

Yeah.
Feels all right.

Not bad, actually.

Looks very handsome on you.

He used to wear that little
fawn-colored hat with this coat.

The Tyrolean, right?

With the little- the little
feather in the band.

It doesn't look too bad, you know.

It's a good coat.

Wow. Manny's coat.

Well, what, honey?

It's just-

You know, Manny's gone and
I've got his coat. Uh-huh.

I- I mean, when you think about it,
basically, that's it.

You know, all this, " You're right.
You're wrong. You're wrong. You're right. "

Boom, I mean, suddenly you're
wearing a dead man's coat.

It fits you nicely.

Don't you see though?
This was Manny's.

This is Dad's younger brother.
His younger brother.

Joel, shh.

I never did that enough
for you, did I?

Shh.

Dave said he'll do
the dump run first thing.

Too many bears prowling at night
this time of year.

That'll do.

H, I gotta tell you
something right now.

When you pulled the plug on the boob
tube in front of all those dudes tonight-

And, Shelly, I don't want to hear
any argument about it.

Hey! You won't hear one from me.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

I'm not saying it wasn't a real
knock at the knees,

you coming out of the closet
like this.

All Pooper's new friends-

The whole town thinkin'
his old man's kind of dweebish-

But I know there's more
important stuff than that.

You do?

Oh, yeah, Holling.

It took a humongous set
of peach pits...

to do what you did tonight.

I mean, there you were
in front of the whole bar...

admitting flat out that
you're a pussy about sports.

And what was so cool about it is,

you didn't even care who
knew what a dork you are.

Yeah.

Pooper'll hang somehow.

Maybe he'll be good with cars...

or grow his hair long and get
some tattoos and play in a band.

Oh.
Anyhow, he's got a great dad.

H, you may not be playing
with a full set of checkers,

but you can king me
anytime.

Dad, you about ready?

I gotta get you
guys to the airstrip by 10:00.

Worry about your mother.

Look, Dad-

Joel, please.

Ifinished the ceiling.

Yeah. I-I saw.
I appreciate it.

I started it.

- New sweater?
- Lamb's wool.

Really? It's nice.
Mm-hmm.

- Looks good.
- I like it.

So, uh,

Uncle Rudy, he's gonna pick
you up at the airport? Nope.

We left the, uh,
car in, uh, Lot D-

Long term.
You think that's safe?

Let's hope so.

Yeah.

Recognize the luggage?

- Tourister.
- Your mother bought this set at Killians, what, 20 years ago?

I remember
when she brought it home.

She wanted good luggage
for that trip we took to Florida.

Yeah.

In the Fairlane.

Remember what happened when
we stopped at, uh, Cape Kennedy?

Your sister got sick
in the backseat...

from all the root beer?

Yeah. She looked
like a rabid dog.

She was foaming
and frothing at the mouth...

and I'm sitting there,
I can't stop laughing.

You-You were laughing. Me,

I was this far
from pulling the car over...

and catching the next train
back to Penn Station.

Well-

Let me get that.
Hmm? Sure.

You believe the hand speed
of that guy?

This Pasquale- he can catch flies
in midair with those reflexes.

Hey, I got two words
for you guys.

Jackie Pépin.
When he's on, it's a blur.

Jacques Pépin, that frog!

He wouldn't know a baby turnip from an
artichoke if you bounced it offhis skull.

What are you trying to say there, Owen? The Italians
got it over the French when it comes to julienne?

- Get a life, Stevens.
- Hey, Dino ain't even done yet.

He's gonna be droppin' the gnocchi
all over the place after half-time.

Holling, a couple more cold ones for
these guys, huh? Coming up, Chris.

Look at that onion
- Made mince meat out of it in 20 seconds flat. Ah, yes.

Let me ask you something.

You spent a fair amount
of time with my mother.

Did she seem all right?

A little strange
or off, maybe?

No.

She came home with this story...

about how she, uh,
she fell off Flat Rock.

By the way, there's no need
to repeat this to anyone,

but she said that she didn't fall.

That-
That she flew.

I mean,

I'm gonna give my friend
Marty Schwartz a call.

He's a neurologist
at Columbia Presbyterian.

I'll get him
to give her a skull X-ray.

Yooxayatangi talked and talked
to keep the wolf away,

but it talked so much it
heard only itself-

Not the river, not the wind,

not even the wolf.

But the raven came and said,
"The wolf is hungry.

"If you stop talking,
you'll hear him.

The wind too, and when you hear
the wind, you'll fly. "

The eagle- The eagle soared,

and it's flight
said all it needed to say.