Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 5, Episode 19 - The Gift of the Maggie - full transcript

Fire and smoke in zone two.

Zone two. Leave the premises immediately.

Fire and smoke in zone two.

Zone two.

Leave the premises immediately.

Here's your culprit, Maurice. See?
What, a furnace filter?

Clogged the intake.
We sent out flyers.

Holling! That's my Esfahan carpet.

Now, what kind of damage did it have? Oh,
just got a little water soaked into it is all.

Thank goodness. Hey, watch it! You're
draggin' the fringe in the mud there.

- Sorry, Maurice. It's not exactly a throw rug.
- Ed! Ed, come here.



Help him.
Can't you see the man needs some help?

I thought you wanted me
to bleed your propane tank, Maurice.

Well, hang that in the shed and then
do it. That thing cost me 60 G's.

Ruth-Anne, send a couple of your men in there and get those
two Queen Anne's and that Churchill ottoman out of there.

They're probably waterlogged too.
I'm afraid not, Maurice.

The fire's out, but I can't allow any of my men or
anybody else back in that house. What do you mean? Why not?

Asbestos.
Asbestos?

The insulation on your old plenum.

When the furnace blew, the explosion sent
fibers through all your heating ducts.

The house is full of it.
Wait a minute.

You mean to say I'm gonna
have to evacuate? Yeah.

I'll call P. W. Stevens,
and he'll decontaminate.

But in the meantime we're taping off
the area and sealing off the windows.

You know, that's not a bad time
to take that trip to Bali.



Those time-share folks
are after me for some dough.

I could bask in the sun and read
the new Grisham. Not a bad idea.

Maurice! Maurice! It's your flower
house. The greenhouse? What about it?

Well, the windows are busted out, and there's
no heat. It's gettin' really cold in there.

My orchids.
Hurry, Ed! Go! Go!

Hey, Elaine.

Stomach again, huh?
I don't get it, Dr. Fleischman.

I'm going along, doing just great,
and then, whammo, worse than ever.

Yeah, well, those ulcers
can have a way of comin' back.

Have you been taking those
Zantac I gave you? Religiously.

I want you to look up for me.

Bad enough I have ulcers, now they're giving
me diarrhea. It's so I can't leave the house.

Well, diarrhea wouldn't be from the ulcers.
That'd be from something else.

I've been making her white rice and tapioca
pudding. Maybe that's what's giving her the runs.

Wh-What about the stools? Notice
any change in color or darkening?

I don't think so.

Unless-

What?
I guess it's possible.

We have... recurring ulcers
despite treatment, diarrhea-

I don't wanna get ahead of myself- um, I
need to do some blood work and run some tests-

but actually, I think I have an idea
what might be causing this. You do?

Yeah. Why don't you roll
up your sleeve there.

Okay. I gotcha.

I gotcha. Here you are.

Would you look at this?

Eighteen years of work,

and now half my tropicals are gone.

Arandas, vanadis, arachnis-
all gone.

There, that oughta keep those
drafts out for you. Hey, Ed!

Yeah? Ed, get that generator
workin'. We need Btu's in here pronto.

This one seems a bit dry, Maurice.
Here, fella. Here's a drink for you.

No! No, H-Holling, no.
No.

You don't pour water on it like it's some tomato
plant. You've got to replicate its environment. You-

You damp it down
with a fine spray.

Uh, orchids are very particular. Oh.

I named this one Cymbidium
Maurice Minnifieldianum-

after myself.

It won the silver Banksian Medal
at the Royal Horticultural Society.

Imagine. Your own flower.

Now look at it-
Hanging on for dear life.

The G. I. surgeon up there? I want to alert
him he's got a possible Z-E on its way.

Now, my cue is, I'm treating this woman for
ulcers, right? I mean, but she is not responding.

Now, the
- the G. I. series, it shows an ulcer, but it doesn't show anything else.

The thing is, you don't find a pancreatic
tumor unless you're lookin' for one.

Hmm.

I mean,

zollinger-ellison syndrome-

You learn about this second year medical school, and
- and you don't think you'll see it.

I mean, they tell you
you're not gonna see it.

You could literally go your entire medical career and
- and not run into one ever.

Huh. I mean, I-it's wild,
because with-with Z-E-

Follow me if you can- there's a
pancreatic tumor, okay- a gastrinoma,

the cells of which are- are D. N. A. scripted to produce
a hormone with- with peptide mapping patterns and-

and amino acid composition
identical to gastrin.

Now the tumor produces gastrin which cues
the stomach to produce acid, ergo, the ulcer.

You address that tumor,
the ulcers, as a secondary effect,

will with time heal of themselves.

Really?

Really.

I mean, I-
I see where it would be boring,

but you just have to understand that it's-

This is incredibly exciting for me.
I mean, this is a-

this is a diagnostic coup.

Oh, yeah. I mean, to discover
a tumor in the pancreas-

No. I mean, there's tumors
in the pancreas all the time, but, uh-

it's just, to find one
from these cues is-

Oh.

'Kay, generator's workin', Maurice.

Well, let's, uh, get
all this garbage cleaned up,

and then, uh, you guys
can get- get some shut-eye.

What about you, Maurice? Where are
you gonna sleep? Wanna stay with me?

- No thanks, Ed.
- No doubt, Ed, Maurice has got himself a room over at Ron and Eric's.

Uh, well, the B and B is full this
weekend. There's a gas company retreat.

Great. You can have the bed then. I
sleep on the floor sometimes anyway.

No, no, Ed. Thank you.
I'll stay at the station.

The radio station? You'll do no such thing.
I won't hear of it. Oh, yes, I will, Holling.

Now, Maurice, we have got a sofa bed in our-
in our parlor, a color television set-

You'll have the whole room
to yourself. No, Holling, I-

I can't put you and Shelly out,
with a new baby there and all.

Put us out? Shelly'd skin me alive if she
thought I'd let you sleep in an office.

No, no, no, no. You're stayin' with
us, and that's all there is to it.

Well, Holling
- Not another word. It's all settled.

Well, thank you.

That's... very kind.

Huh.
Buckhorn?

Thanks,

whoever.

Huh. Buckhorn.
That's very funny.

How are those p. j.'s, Maurice? Room enough for
you? We threw yours into the white wash first thing.

Oh, these will do just fine, Holling. Here, let me help
you with that bed. No. No, no, no, no. You're our guest.

Find your way around the can okay, Maurice?

Gotta jiggle the handle and make sure it all the
way flushes, if you know what I mean. Right, Holling?

Yeah, It was just fine, Shelly.

Lay your baby blues on
these pillow slips. Parrots.

They're very, um, colorful.

Got 'em closeout, QVC. 59.59 for
the works including the ruffle.

We sack in 'em every night. I dig 'em
so much, but I wanted you to have 'em.

They're clean.
Hospital corners, Shelly.

Think we got a military
man here. Yes, sir!

I set your mattress just right so that the,
uh, crossbar doesn't bite you in the back.

Ah, it'll be fine, I'm sure. Come
on, Maurice. Let us help you in.

Give 'er a test drive.
Thank you.

There you go.

Bless you. No, no, no, no. That's-That's-
That's fine. I- I'll keep 'em right here.

All right. Now just don't be bashful.
Get yourself right on in there.

Let me stuff these pillows
in behind him, hon.

Ah. There you go.
There.

There you are, Maurice. Thank you. Um
- Shelly?

Oh. Whoops. You'll want your warm
milk before it gets that scummy skin.

And here's some graham crackers
with chunky nut butter.

Hid a slice of" nanner" in one of'em.
Let it be a surprise.

Thank you, dear.
That's very considerate.

Well-

We don't have any bedbugs.

I'm sure Maurice'll be fine, Shelly.

Well, um, good night.

Good night.

Night.

Well, the Maurice Minnifield certainly looks like it's doing better today
- I mean, well, I think.

Well, the next 24 hours'll tell the tale.
At least she squeaked through the night.

And so did I.

We got any more granular peat? Yep,
but we're out of osmunda, Maurice.

Oh, boy. What next?
Um-

Uh, Ed, finish up with the cattleyas will ya,
and then, uh, run into town.

Get a bail of osmunda
and some perlite too, if she has any.

Get me a ham and cheese on rye and a cup of
coffee, and stay away from the pinball machine.

Oh, yes, sir, Maurice.

Hey, P. W! P. W!

Ah. Ah, Mr. Minnifield.

We've isolated our area of operation,

set up a three-stage
decontamination chamber at entry.

Meter's reading at 0.8 clear up to the attic.
Yeah, fine, fine. When do I get back in?

Well, Mr. Minnifield,
we'll secure this site,

have you situated in...
seven, eight days.

Seven or-
Seven or eight days?

We're dealing with asbestos,
Mr. Minnifield:

microscopic fibers,
miniature fishhooks-

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's dangerous,
I know. spikes that, once inhaled,

penetrate the lining of the lungs,
causing lesions and scarring.

Look. I don't need the whole house. All I need is one
room. That little studio in the back would be fine.

I'd love to, I really would, but you've
gotta let P. W. Stevens do its job.

This is a multifaceted operation.

Stage one, we HEPA-vac,
extract the major particulates.

Stage two, I send in
my MicroVac pros.

They go over every square inch
with negative air vacs-

over your carpets,
your sofas and chairs.

Don't drop it.
Yeah. Yeah.

It's a painstaking process.

Hey, hey, Ruth-Anne.

Hi, Joel.

Ed, where's the baking soda?

Right here, Dr. Fleischman.
Ah. Right front of my eyes.

Hey, you know, with the shaman-healer thing
you've got goin', this actually might interest you.

What's that, Dr. Fleischman?

All right. A patient comes to me over a period of months
with stomach pains, and they're localized and acute.

So you think ulcer, right?
Right?

Yeah, so what do you do? You
prescribe cimetidine, Zantac-

you know, somethin' to reduce
the production of stomach acids.

Pepto-Bismol.
Yeah, right. Seems to work.

The symptoms disappear.
Patient feels better.

Everything is honky-dory.
Oh, great.

Wait. Except she comes back, sick as hell again with
the same damn pain, only this time she's got diarrhea.

Oh, too bad.

No. Well, yeah, it is too bad. That's
not what I'm getting at. Ed, diarrhea.

Diarrhea.
Diarrhea.

Ed, come on.
What does that indicate?

Pancreatic deficiency, right?
The pancreas produces insulin-

Come on.
Insulin, really?

Yeah, really.

Well, so what was wrong with her, Dr.
Fleischman? What was wrong with our patient?

That's just not the question, Ed. That is just not
the question. The question is: What is wrong with me?

You? I don't believe it. This is
- This is what I've come to.

I'm- I'm standing here, I'm discussing
20th-century medicine with a medicine man.

Ah, the most noteworthy event of my
medical career has just transpired, and...

for 500 square miles, nobody has
a clue what I'm talking about.

Forget it, Ed. It's not your fault.
It's nobody's fault. It's my fault.

I mean, I-I'm the one who signed up for this. I was supposed
to get Anchorage, though. Not this. Put that on your tab?

What? Oh. Forget it. I'm
sorry. I don't need it.

Chris in the Morning home from the hunt.
Should you expect venison stew all around?

No, you should not.

Had my deer. Had him right there in
the crosshairs, but I couldn't shoot.

Why? Some kind of transmogrification...

into a kinder, gentler,
less lethal Chris Stevens?

No, because later
I kicked up the hedgerow and...

I plugged me six cute white bunny rabbits
right between the eyes.

Mr. Deer came and I aimed. I-

I just couldn't take him out.

Why? I mean, somethin' in those eyes?
Some- Some little voice?

That's not the end of this tale.
I get back to the hacienda, right?

And there, sittin' on the front stoop, is
a beautiful bottle of Buckhorn sour mash.

Had to be Buckhorn, huh?

Deer, Buckhorn-
What's the connection?

By not wastin' that deer, did I set into
motion some kind of karmic quid pro quo?

Whoever sent me this sour mash, I want you
to give me a call so I can say thank you, and-

I also want to know,
why last night, huh?

There you are, Fleischman.

Here I am.
I am here.

Hey, I have a delivery to the naval research
station this afternoon up in Gardner,

and I thought maybe
you'd want to go with me?

We can stop in Dogsled on the way back
and have Chinese food at Yee Mee Loo's.

Dogsled, huh?
This must be Alaska.

Fly 250 miles for greasy lo mein and
- and enjoy it. I take it that's a no.

Well, really, it's- I appreciate it. It's very nice
of you, and- and please don't take it personally.

It's just-

Well, what?
Nothing really.

What happened?

It's just, I-I can't stand it here.
I- I can't stand it, okay?

I mean, I just- I feel...
trapped and stuck, and- and it-

man, it just gets to me sometimes.

I'm sorry. Just forget it.
Forgive me. Excuse me.

Hi, Dr. Fleischman.
Hi.

Bye, Dr. Fleischman.

- What's up with Fleischman?
- Ah, he hates it here 'cause he's got no one to talk to.

He's got no one to talk to? He's got a whole town of
people to talk to. Oh, yeah, but doctor talk, Maggie.

Doctor talk? Well, yeah. His most noteworthy,
20th-century event of his medical career...

happens to him,
and nobody knows what it is.

The ulcer thing.
It was the pancreas, wasn't it?

I don't know.
Oh, wait. I think it was both.

Poor Dr. Fleischman.

I have Leonard. You have Maurice. When Dr. Fleischman
wants to talk shop, who knows what he's talkin' about?

Nobody.

Shelly's just now laying the soft cheese
on the double-stuffed Idahos, Maurice.

Meantime, try one of these miniature pickles with the, uh
- the seedy mustard.

Oh, no thanks, Holling.
I'm savin' room for dinner.

Sweeten your highball?
No, thank you.

So, as I was saying, I'm paying
$1.89 per for ground round-

which, uh, comes to- let's
see, uh- 62 cents a patty,

And so I said to the man-You- You a tad warm in
here, Maurice? I can, uh, crank it down a turn.

No, no. I'm fine.
It's on account of the baby.

- So I says to him, " Franklin,
these beef prices are too high. "

Heck, Maurice, I'm buying a hundred pounds
per week of ground round from the man.

Stuff's on, guys.

Holling, stick a plug in her for dinnertime,
then go grab the spuds and broccoli.

Here you go, sweetie pie. Maurice, you're
company. You sit right here in the high-back.

Looks, um, delicious.

A hunk of rump roast, nuke a can of mushroom
soup, a little lemon pepper, and voilà!

All ready. Hand me your plate, Maurice.

"H," you pour the wine.
Oh, Holling, let me do the honors.

I've got a
- a couple of bottles of wine that I kept over at the office for lunching in.

It's a nice little Italian claret.
It doesn't need much air.

Don't even think about it, Maurice. I've got
this bottle from my distributor I want you to try.

You might even like some for yourself. I can
probably even get you my per-case discount.

Uh, right, Shel?
That's everything.

"H," you wanna do the honors?

You, Shelly. You're the one
who made this fine repast.

Bless us, O Lord, for these, thy gifts
which we are about to receive...

from thy bounty through
Christ our Lord, amen.

Amen.
Amen.

Fleischman?

Fleischman, are-

- Are you sleeping?
- What? Sleeping?

It's the middle of the morning.
Why would I be sleepin'?

Oh, well, I don't know.

Maybe 'cause you're depressed?
I'm not depressed.

Maybe I'm a little depressed.
I don't know.

Can I turn on a light?

I believe I've made a fairly good transition
here. You have to give me that. But this is-

this is...

just a crushing professional isolation.

I know. It's gotta be tough.
You know, who am I kidding?

I mean, I call Marty Schwartz on the
phone, to shoot the breeze, or Chuck Bramen.

I don't even like Chuck Bramen, but he will, you
know, talk about hepatic or biliary disorders...

for hours on end, and-

You should come over to my house for
dinner tonight, Fleischman. Dinner.

Hey, I'm pourin' my heart out here.

Well, I've got somebody coming over.

- A doctor.
- A doctor?

Mm-hmm. Pete Melon from the Gardner naval
station. He runs the clinic up there.

- He's coming to your house for dinner?
- He's an internist.

- He's a really nice guy.
- No kidding.

- You'll come?
- Yeah, sure.

- That sounds great.
- Good.

7:00.

Top you off there, Maurice?
Yeah, thanks, Holling.

How about a bowl of rhubarb à la mode? No, no. I
gotta get back over to the office, check my E-mail.

I'll tell you what. Dave's making
some, uh, peanut butter cookies.

I'll send you over some with a Thermos
of coffee for a- an afternoon pick-me-up.

That's not necessary, Holling.
Uh, just gimme my check.

Check? Maurice, don't be
silly. You're my guest.

Let's see. I had a corned beef
sandwich, a cup of chowder, some coffee.

That, uh-That 10
ought to take care of it.

Now you put this right back
in your pocket, Maurice. Now.

You know, come to think of it,
I should pay you for my lodging too.

Here you go. A couple of C-notes
ought to be fair for that.

Well, what are you talkin' about?
Paying me for staying here?

That's what I'd pay Ron and Eric
for stayin' in their B and B.

B and B? This is my home. I
don't want your money. Take it.

No.
No.

No, you wouldn't want to give up your edge,
would you? You wanna keep me owin' you.

What? Yeah, you don't fool me
with this rigmarole about...

peanut butter cookies
and Thermoses of coffee.

No, you wanna keep me in debt
until you keep me needy.

Needy? Yes, needy! You
weren't satisfied...

to let me eat my Dinty Moore in peace
or take my sponge bath.

No, no. You saw an opportunity to play cock of
the walk, and brother, you really jumped on it.

You were out in the street, on crutches and
lame! Yeah, and you loved that, didn't ya?

It gave you another reason to drag me up those
stairs, back me into a corner where I couldn't say no.

- Don't think my home's good enough for you, is that it?
- Now, don't you twist my words, Holling.

I saw you lookin' down your nostrils
at my rump roast,

casting a cool eye on my sofa bed
like some princess with a pea!

- That is bull, and you know it!
- If our hospitality isn't good enough for you,

well, then, mister,
there is the door!

- Thank you very much.
- Good riddance!

Mr. Deer?

It's me, Chris.

Nobody's claimed responsibility
for the Buckhorn, so thanks.

Got you a little somethin'.

Juicy Red Delicious.

Well, that's cool too.

Worth a shot, huh?

Pardon the pun.

Oh, man.

- Hey!
- Cheesecake from Zabar's.

I actually had it in the freezer.
Oh, thanks. That's very thoughtful.

Come on in and meet Pete. Great.

Um, this is Dr. Commander Melon,
Joel Fleischman. Fleischman, Melon.

Dr. Melon. Commander.
Well, anyway-

Pete. Hey, I'm glad to meet
you. Ah, likewise. Thanks.

Well, have a seat. I'll
take your coat. Great.

You want a glass of wine?
Oh, yeah. That'd be perfect.

You look pretty.
Thank you.

Mmm. Smells good.
Mm-hmm.

So I've been telling Pete how lucky we
are to have a doctor in such a small town.

I understand you went
to Columbia, Joel.

Yeah. You've been up here
goin'on, uh, four years.

Hey, and you're an avid golfer.

What, did you give him
my whole curriculum vitae?

Oh, we were just talking, and-
Thanks.

Do you want some cheese?
Uh, no, thanks.

Cheers.

So Joel, I hear you picked up a Z-E. You
must have been pretty happy about that one.

Yeah. Well, she told you that, huh?

I mean, you hear about 'em, but, uh, you
don't think you're ever gonna run into a case.

No, I-We just-
We got lucky.

They did the resection this afternoon.

- How'd it go?
- I think she is gonna be fine. We don't get the biopsy until the morning,

but, uh, grossly, it seems like a single,
well-encapsulated tumor, probably benign.

- How big?
- Four centimeters.

Head of the pancreas or the tail?

Well, I have a fax of the
- the digital subtraction scan, if you wanna take a look.

You do? I-
Well, sure. I'd love to.

- Is that all right?
- Go ahead. Yeah, sure.

Actually I-I just picked it up on the way over. I
was really amazed- the quality for a fax. Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna check on the rice.
Oh, here it is.

That's right. You got it. Exactly. You see the
little blush right there. Mm-hmm. Tail. Lucky.

- Huh. They didn't have to do a Whipple.
- Yeah. No kidding, huh?

I mean, as soon as I heard "diarrhea, "
I started to put the pieces together.

Actually, if you look at this one, the
little- it's a little better angle. Uh-huh.

A piece there.
Yeah.

Stevens? What the hell are you
doin' here? It's 1:00 in the morning.

Need my portableJung. That
kook? At this time of night?

He had a theory
- a theory that there's more to coincidence than just coincidence, Maurice.

All right. Let me see here.

Oh, no.
Not that 50 bucks again.

Look. Chris, it was your good luck
and some poor sap's misfortune.

Just forget about it. Stop
thinkin' so much. Enjoy it. Yeah?

Here it is. " Synchronicity.
The theory of meaningful coincidence. "

So?
So? Check this out.

Jung had this, uh, patient, right?
She was tellin' him this dream-

this very therapeutic, significant
dream about a beetle, right?

At that precise moment she's tellin'
him this dream about the beetle,

Jung hears a little-

right at the window.

What do you think that is, huh?
I haven't got the vaguest idea.

Yeah? It's a beetle.
Oh? Woo!

Maurice, look. If it were a bottle
of booze, I'd give you that, right?

It's an apple. It's cash. There's
somethin' really strange about this deer-

if it's a deer at all.

You wanna hit the light switch on your way out?
I could stand at least one decent night's sleep.

I thought you were stayin' at Holling's.

No. Uh-uh.
Couldn't stand it over there.

They're always tellin' me what to do.

"Eat this. Sit there. "

Yeah, and leading me around like
they pitied me, and enjoying it too,

like they had a piece of me.

Control issue.

Don't you start, Stevens.

- I still sign the paychecks around here.
- I'm just saying, you like to pitch, right? Well, now you gotta catch.

You usually like to bark the orders
around, huh? Make everybody jump?

- So?
- So you're homeless, and you're physically impaired,

and Holling does a nice turn for you,
you feel a little indebted.

You feel a little naked.
You feel a little vulnerable.

Vulnerable. Yeah, I'm vulnerable
to stringy beef and plonk wine.

Well, don't worry, chief, 'cause you'll be back in
the castle in no time, suckin' down the quail bones.

Good night.

Good morning, Dr. Fleischman.
Hey.

You want me to knock?
No. Come on in.

You ever see a spiral fracture
of the left femur? Right there.

Bones.
Yeah.

I was just readin'
all about 'em in here.

Harrison's Principle of Internal Medicine?
Where'd you get this? I borrowed it from you.

Oh. Well, just so I'd
know something, you know.

But now that you have Dr. Pete,
well, I don't need to.

There's some pretty bad stuff
in here, Dr. Fleischman.

Wait, you know Dr. Melon?
No.

Okay.

So, how did it go last night?

What? You know-you and Dr.
Pete. You guys talk medicine?

Oh, I suppose. Yeah. He's a real nice guy.
We're actually all going snowshoeing later.

Maggie's a really good friend, isn't she?
Well, yeah. She's lending me her snowshoes.

Yeah, and givin' Dr. Pete all
those free rides toJuneau. Boy!

Juneau? Oh, yeah. So he
can see his girlfriend.

She's flyin' the guy toJuneau for free? For
what? So you can have a doctor to talk to.

Wait a second.
She promised to fly this guy around?

You're tellin' me she bribed him to come here
so I could have someone to talk to?

Well, you guys talked, right?

Oh, man. I don't believe
this. Are you kidding me?

This is-
This is unbelievable!

Um, maybe I should just put the book
back where I got it.

I- I'm showin'this guy my fax, and-and-
and we're sharing E. R. stories.

The whole time he must be thinkin'
I'm, like, some poor schlub.

I don't believe this.

Got here as fast as I could.
The generator blew, huh?

Ah, I'm afraid that's not all, Mr. Minnifield. When
the generator blew, it took your space heaters with it.

You mean my heaters burnt?
All of'em. Toasted.

Oh, my cymbidiums will never survive this,
not to mention my dendrobiums.

This one looks like it suffered some
serious damage. Oh, the Minnifield.

It's gone.

These double-glazed panes look like
they'll hold your ambient heat till sunset.

Of course, night cold
- That's when your real problems start.

Nightfall.

Yep.

Hey, Fleischman, nice wide stance there.
You're lookin' better on those snowshoes.

He's clippin' right along, isn't he? Yeah.

This reminds me of those forced
marches back in basic training.

Hey, Joel, here's somethin' for ya.
Course it's nowhere near your Z-E.

I had this young Seabee comin' in
over the course of months. He's a mess:

arthritis, tenosynovitis, fasciitis
and on top of that, urethritis.

So I'm doin' range of movement on him one
time, I notice that he's rubbin' his eyes.

And I look at his conjunctiva,
and they're as red as berries, right?

That's right, conjunctivitis. You
put all that together, what do ya got?

Reiter's syndrome, right? That's
right, Pete. Reiter's syndrome.

Yeah.
Boy, I'm impressed.

What a clever,
if inconsequential, diagnosis.

Hey, Joel, I just thought it would be
an interesting story. It's no big deal.

It's okay.

Fleischman. Fleischman, what's goin' on?

Was that necessary?
That guy is a cretin.

What?
What are you talkin' about?

He went to Duke. They act like it was
the 11 th school in the Ivy League.

You didn't think that last night. Yeah,
what was I supposed to do, be rude?

I think he's a very smart man,
Fleischman. A very nice man.

Yeah, you know what? You're right.
He is. It's not him at all. It's you.

Me? I heard about your
- your little package tours.

Is that what you think,
that I'm that pathetic?

What, I'm somebody's ugly cousin
who can't get their own dates? No.

Fleischman. I just thought you might
- Yeah, well, don't, okay? I don't need it!

I go innocently to your house, believing I'm to
have a normal social interaction, and what am I?

I'm just some puppet?
Some pawn? Some mercy chat?

Attention.
MauriceJ. Minnifield here.

You all know my orchids.

You've all been touched by them
one way or another.

I always make sure
that every Cicelian lady over 60...

gets a corsage for Easter.

The orchid:
aristocrat of the flower family,

the most sophisticated plant on earth.

Clearly a cut above.

But, it's got petals like everybody else-

like the lowly daisy, the cheap
carnation, the half-baked azalea.

Like these,

the orchid needs warmth.

It needs care and kindness to get by.

These flowers need you people.

No.

No, I need you.

I want every able body
within hearing distance...

at my A. O., at 1400.

Take home as many flowers
as you can take care of.

Hey, it's me.

Got you some number 10 yellow corn here.

I know some sows that swear by it.

Okay. That's cool.

Later.

No.
Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

All right.
All right, all right, all right, all right.

All right.

Fleischman?
You got a minute?

I- I mean, are you busy?
Look, O'Connell-

It was just that you were so miserable,
you know? You were so depressed.

And, what, you just figured
you could buy me a little friend, huh?

You can just manipulate people like that?
Just live their life for them?

No, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry.

It's just- It's just that I thought,
if you had somebody to talk to, well-

well, that maybe you'd like it
a little better up here.

What are you talking about? Alaska?

Alaska, Cicely, everything.
Everyone.

You mean, you wanted me
to like it because-

Is that so bad?

Wow.

I took him back to the base,
so he's gone.

You did?
Yeah.

He wanted me to be sure and tell you
that he really enjoyed meeting you.

Look, you know, believe me, I- it wasn't anything
personal. I mean, the guy was fine. It's just-

Well, he's got it hard too, you know. I mean,
he's like you. He doesn't have anybody to talk to.

Come on. Enough. No, really.
he's got all these slides.

He-He's dying to show them to you,
if you ever get back up there.

What slides? Yeah, you know.
Thyroid, um, super- hyper- some-

Hyperplasia? C-cell hyperplasia?

Yeah, maybe.
Anyway, he's got a lot of'em.

And he did say that?
That he- he had a good time?

Yeah.
He thought you were great.

What did he say? He said, uh, for a
G. P., you tell a really good joke.

Oh, he said that, huh?
Guy should talk.

Well, anyway-

Okay.

A hundred and ninety-eight bucks-

That's what Uncle Roy Bower
paid for that Winchester.

Gonna cost me 350 to replace it.

Not that I can,
family heirloom such as it was.

Oh, I'm up maybe... 30 for
the sour mash, 50 for the 50,

out, uh, six and some change
for the apple and the feed.

Financially speakin', Mr. Deer-
he definitely got the better part of this deal.

What's the moral of this story, huh?

"Quit while you're ahead"?
Uh, " Know when to fold 'em"?

Maybe it's like Uncle Roy Bower used to
tell the old man before they'd pull a heist.

He'd say, "Jack, the deer that returns to the
lick too often eventually meets the hunter. "

Maybe ol' Mr. Deer finally got what
he wanted all along, huh? My rifle.

Next year, bud, huh?

Anyway, fellow hunters, be wise.

There's one out there with a 'tude, and...

he might be armed.

Laelia flava aurantiaca.

Now I want you to give it one squirt of mist in the
- in the morning.

And now, don't be pawing it, Owen. They
don't like a lot of commotion. You understand?

Gotcha.
Good.

Uh, next?

The brassavola, Ed.

I think, uh, Lilliana can
handle those. Okay, Maurice.

Here you go, Lilliana.
I want you to keep it warm now.

That means above 60 degrees, even at
night. Got just the corner for 'em.

Good.
Okay, the rhyncholaelias.

Let's see. Yeah, the-

No. no, Ed. the yellow ones.
Yellow. Yellow. Right, Maurice.

It's all primary colors with that boy.

Thank you.

I came to pick up some orchids.

Thank you.
Those are laelias.

Delicate.

They'll be fine.

Holling,

they prefer rainwater to tap.

Sure.

All right. Come on, people.

Let's go. It's turnin' into a meat locker here.
Ed, the next one, please.

All right.

This is it.
And I thought I was out in the woods.

Hey, there's Pete. Okay, got your
briefcase? Yes, it's in the back.

All right. Hold on a sec. You got a little something
- What are you doing? Get off of me.

What are you, my mother?

Hey, how you doing there?

Hi, Pete. Hey, y'all.
Glad you could make it.

Ah, thanks.

Well, okay.
Hey, I'll see you, uh, later.

4:00, huh? What are you talkin'
about? You're not staying?

I got a cinnamon bun inside with your name on
it. Thanks. No, I've got some errands to do.

Are you sure? Yeah.
Yeah. I'll see you later.

Bye, Pete. Have a good time. Okay.

Well.
Well, what do you say, then?

I've got the microscope and slide
tray all set up. Great. Great.

I brought a-a paper on inflammatory bowel
diseases. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Yeah. Great.

Hey, you didn't catch that article in the
Lancet about occult blood screening, did you?

"Colonoscopy and Colorectal Cancer. " It drove
me absolutely nuts. I mean, what is the payoff?

Yeah, you got a point-three reduction
in mortality rates-

Yep, plus the risk
of perforations, serious bleeding.

See, I don't understand this. It's-
It's just ridiculous.

You- I mean, you have
emergency surgery for what? What?

See, let someone explain to me
the gain of this, except for-