Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 4, Episode 9 - Do the Right Thing - full transcript

This is Chris in the Morning,
with the weather and time.

24 hours later than it was
yesterday, and cold.

Mr. Minnifield.
Uh-huh.

Viktor Bobrov.
But, please, just call me Vic.

And by the way, what a
charming town you have here.

Well, thank you.

What can I do for you?

Well, we've met once before,
as a matter of fact...

at a reception at the
Swiss Embassy in Helsinki.

There was you,
Grissom, Shepard.

My goodness, that was 25 years
ago, so I doubt that you'd remember.



No, I'm sorry, I don't.
Please, sit down.

There's no way that you
could know this, of course...

but I've devoted
my professional life to you...

and to the other fellows.

And believe me when I say I have the
greatest admiration for all of you.

I appreciate it.
What's your point, Bobrov?

Well, I used to be with Soviet State
Security, the Fourth Directorate.

That's Aerospace Intelligence
and Analysis.

Soviet State? KGB?

That's right.

You're a Russian spy.

Well, not so much anymore.

Times change, and there's
no policy to speak of.

Mister, I think you better
get the hell out of my office.



Please, Mr. Minnifield.

Just take a look at
what I have to show you.

I can guarantee that all my other
clients have been very satisfied...

and I am prepared
to be flexible on price.

Are you trying to
sell me something?

I think you'll find me a very
reasonable man to deal with.

What could you possibly
have that I'd wanna buy?

History, Mr. Minnifield.

Your dossier.

I just got a call
from Snow Goose.

Howard was supposed to
fly in case of light bulbs.

He didn't show.
Can you believe that?

You know, I never should have
let him take that run.

Maggie.
What's the matter with him?

He's got a mind
like a sieve.

You don't write everything
down twice, he forgets.

Maggie-

I bet he didn't even
pick up those bulbs, right?

His plane went down.
Went down?

He was landing in
Old Dime Box to refuel...

and they say
a wind shear hit him.

Is he all right?

Howard's dead, Maggie.

Dead?

Mmm-hmm.

Says I attended a meeting
at Langley, August 3rd, 1960.

"Discussed the MA-1 fiasco.

"Minnifield argued forcefully against
scrapping Mercury in favor of X-20."

What the hell?
Well, it's true, isn't it?

That was a secret meeting
at CIA headquarters.

How the hell would
you people know what I said?

I can't reveal sources.

My people rely on
my discretion.

Do you think
I might have a drink?

Help yourself.

Baccarat. Very nice.

Of course, we only had
access to Czech crystal.

It says there's a picture of
me in here with Angie Dickinson.

It isn't there?
No.

It's the chaps
in the file room.

They have a weakness
for movie stars.

Partagas. May I?
Yeah, go ahead.

Well, you've got
the goods here.

Normally, I wouldn't give you a dime
for this illegally obtained material.

I am working on my memoirs...

and this firsthand narrative
might come in handy.

I'll give you $2,000.

Mr. Minnifield, just think of the
effort that went into compiling that.

Not to mention my own time
and my travel expenses.

All right.

How much?

I wouldn't feel comfortable in
letting it go for less than...

$20,000.
$8,000.

And that's carved in stone.

Done.

Hey, O'Connell.

Hi, O'Connell.

Howard's dead.

Howard?
This morning he was alive.

He was standing right
in front of me, you know?

He had
a cup of coffee...

and he had this little
place on his chin...

where he missed shaving.

He told me he was thinking
about buying a band saw...

and now he's dead.

Well, who's Howard?

The thing is, I was supposed
to make that delivery.

If he hadn't asked to make
that run, it would have been me.

I mean, it was supposed
to be me.

Well, yeah,
but I mean...

you can't be
so hard on yourself.

Hard on myself?

Well, yeah.
I mean, look...

it's not your fault that you're
alive, and Howard's dead...

whoever the hell
Howard is.

What's that got
to do with anything?

Well...

Oh, Fleischman,
you always miss the point.

Let me repeat it again, okay?

It would have been me.

I would have been dead.
Dead. Me.

Dead.

Do you ever stop
to think about dead?

Well, yes, I mean,
I'm a doctor, O'Connell...

of course I think about death.
Not death.

Dead.

Gone. Nothing.

That spark of human
consciousness just snuffed out.

No more you,
no more anything. Dead.

Yeah, I do. I do think
about that sometimes.

Oh, sure, I bet.

What's that supposed
to mean?

Look at you, Fleischman. You
press your pants, you wear a tie.

I bet you even floss
regularly, right? So what?

That's not the way
somebody acts, Fleischman...

who spends any amount
of time thinking about dead.

You knew Oswald?
Yes, yes.

Oswald who?

Lee Harvey.

Oh.

Well, I kept an eye on
him after he defected.

We were always
a little suspicious...

of people who chose to
live in the Soviet Union.

They used to come over
at weekends to my dacha.

We'd sit in the sauna and throw
a little sturgeon on the grill.

Wow.

Want another one?

Well, that's very nice
of you, Ed. Thank you.

Dave!
I got it.

He used to like
to play whist, Lee.

What's that?
A card game.

Oh.

He wasn't very good.

Didn't have very much
upstairs. Thank you very much.

Oh, I don't know,
perhaps I shouldn't.

Not on an empty stomach
and all.

Boy, it's growling, too.
You want something to eat?

Well, my current circumstances
are a little strained.

No money.

That's cool. On the house. Well,
that's very nice of you. Thank you.

I'll have a steak. Porterhouse. Okay.

Well done, and potatoes
au gratin. Sure thing.

Okay, let me ask you.

In JFK, Oliver Stone would
have us believe that Oswald...

was a patsy for the CIA and a
conspiracy of right-wing fanatics.

Is that right?

Well, the trouble with Ollie,
he has too many axes to grind.

The truth was staring him in the face.
He just closed his eyes, that's all.

So who was behind it?
Nasser.

Nasser?
Gamal.

Well, he always was
a loose cannon.

There you go, Jamie.

State of Alaska,
health inspector.

Yes, sir.

You know, my dad used to
have a place a lot like this.

We've never had a health
inspector around here before.

Mr. Vincoeur, I'm sorry, but
I'm almost positive you have.

Yeah, August 6, 1959.

Maybe you weren't the
owner at that time. No.

Problem is, there's
not a whole lot of us...

and we have to cover over
500,000 square miles.

We try hard, but it still takes
a while to make the rounds.

Well, I can tell
you right now...

everything is just fine.

Oh, I'm sure it is, Mr. Vincoeur,
but I do have to make my report.

Holling, you should hear
this Russkie guy.

He's got all the skinny on
Jackie and Marilyn Monroe.

Gosh.

I've never seen
a girl like that.

She's beautiful.

Can I get you something
to eat? Maybe a drink?

Oh, no, sir.
I'm not allowed.

It could be misconstrued.
But thank you.

I've got a sandwich
in the van.

See you in the morning.
Excuse me.

One little thing.

In the men's room...

there should be a sign instructing
employees to wash their hands.

I figure they already know that. Oh.

There should be a sign.

Fleischman!

Yeah, hold on, please.

Fleischman?
I'm coming, I'm coming.

Evening, Fleischman.

O'Connell, what's going on? Well,
I'm sorry about this afternoon.

You're sorry?
That's right.

I said some things
I'm sure I didn't mean.

Wait a minute, I'm sorry.
You're apologizing? You to me?

Mmm-hmm.
Now, which faucet is it?

What?

The one that's leaking. Which faucet
is it, the bathroom or the kitchen?

Wait a second. You came
here to fix the faucet?

Just tell me
which one it is.

Well, it happens
to be this one...

but, I mean, I've only been
complaining incessantly...

for the last three months.

Well, let's take a
look. What's going on?

What do you mean?

Come on, O'Connell. Look, you
come here at 11:00 at night...

to apologize and fix the
faucet? I mean, what gives?

I'm gonna die some day,
okay, Fleischman?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

It could be tomorrow, it could be
in 40 years, but it doesn't matter.

Look, normally in a situation like
this, I would get really mad at you...

for being so inept and lazy you
couldn't even fix a simple washer...

but I'm not gonna do that
anymore. You know why?

Because anger is a negative, destructive
feeling, and life is too short...

for negative,
destructive feelings.

Spare me. I know what
you're going to say.

You always take refuge
in cheap cynicism.

But I really mean this. I'm gonna
concentrate on what's important in life.

I'm gonna strive
every day to be...

a kind and generous
and loving person.

And I'm gonna keep
death right here...

so that any time I even think about
getting angry at you or anybody else...

I'll see death,
and I'll remember.

So why don't you go ahead and go to
bed, Fleischman, and I'll let myself out.

Order up!

I don't see a designated
non-smoking area.

Beg your pardon?

Any public establishment
with a capacity of over 50...

must have a designated
non-smoking area.

What do you say we take
a look at the kitchen?

Oh.

Hiya.
Shelly, this is Jason.

Jason, Shelly.

Pleased to meet you.
Yeah.

She seems like
a really nice person.

Okay.

The cutting board looks
like spruce. Uh-huh.

It really should be
hard maple.

Non-absorbent.

Oh, boy, look at this
great old Johnson.

Good stove. My dad had one just like it.

Good grill. Even heat.

Got to clean these screens
a little more often.

My dad used to make the best pepper
steak. Lots of grilled onions.

Whereabouts was
your old man's place?

Yukon River.
Little town called Snook.

I've heard of it.

They used to have
a big sausage plant up there.

Right! Yeah, after work
everybody'd hang out at my dad's.

Well. I felt real bad
about closing him down.

You closed him down?
Your father? Yeah, had to.

No backflow devices on
the potable water system.

It was a hazardous situation.

Uh-oh.

Holy cow.

Know what this is?

Hair.

Fur.

Marmot.

It's 160 over 85.

Now it's a little high,
but it's not too bad.

Do you smoke, Mr. Bobrov?
Pack a day.

When the coup failed,
my blood pressure shot up...

to 200 over 110.

Well, if you're worried about
it, you should quit smoking.

You should also get on a salt-free
diet and lose some weight, maybe.

Avoid stress.

Avoid stress?

I've devoted my life to a
profession which is now obsolete.

Just at the time in a man's
life when he should be secure...

I'm forced
to start over.

What about medication?
Vasotec?

Yeah, it's a pretty good
anti-hypertensive but kind of expensive.

Maybe you have
some samples.

Well, let me see.

You know, Dr. Fleischman,
I forgot to mention...

that I suffer occasionally
from angina.

Well, the same things apply. You should
quit smoking and lose some weight.

Well, maybe you have
some nitroglycerin.

Well, I'll look.

We're experiencing a shortage
of antibiotics in Russia.

Penicillin.

Tetracycline. Ceclor.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.

Here's your nitroglycerine.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oh, um...

about your fee.

It's a standard rate
for a first time visit.

I was thinking...

I may have a more meaningful
way to compensate you.

Well, I once did
a security clearance...

for an engineer called
Yevgeny Fleischman.

Not altogether
a common name.

Well, the two of you
could be related.

Distant cousins. I think
that's highly unlikely.

Perhaps, Dr. Fleischman. But
just take a look at the dossier...

and then
whatever you decide.

Think about it.

Hey! Got your mail!

Okay.

What are you doing
delivering my mail?

Well, I just thought I'd save
you a trip to Ruth-Anne's store.

Well, thanks. Mmm-hmm.
You're very welcome.

So, Chris.
Mmm?

Do you remember
that John Coltrane album?

The one with
the bright blue cover...

and he was playing
the soprano sax.

Yeah. My Favorite Things.
Yeah.

That album had
an inscription on it.

It said,
"Dig it! Your bro, Tooley. "

Yeah. I loved that album.
I used to...

I'd crank it up, and
just drift off, you know?

Somebody ripped it off.
It was me.

What?
I'm the one who stole it.

You stole it?
Yeah.

See, you were
in Maurice's office...

and I came in and I was
delivering your new stylus...

and it was just lying there
on the console...

and I don't know how to
explain it. It just spoke to me.

You know what I mean? You
know? It just spoke to me.

I mean, I've never
stolen anything in my life.

Let me get this straight. You came in
here and stole my John Coltrane album?

I was gonna give
it back, I swear.

I got home, and I said to myself, "What
have you done?" I was really embarrassed.

But then my house burned down,
and it was in the closet...

so all I can do now is offer my
sincerest, my deepest apology.

That album was a gift
from my closest friend.

Yeah, I know how this
must make you feel.

But listen, I want you to
stop and think about something.

I'm gonna die someday,
okay? I'm gonna die.

That's just really made me stop
and think. We're all gonna die!

So we should do
good things, you know?

Positive healing things.

Get out of here.
Well, all right.

But I just think it's good to make
peace with our past, admit our faults.

Yeah, I don't wanna see you for
a while. Can you handle that?

Well, okay.

Chris, I just really have to
tell you, I feel so much better...

for having got this off my
chest. I really, really do.

Good.

With the mittens,
that will be $65.85.

I have something
of historical significance...

which I think
will interest you.

I'm sure you remember this.

It's Khrushchev's shoe.

The one he banged in the UN. Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Bulgarian manufacture.
European size 40.

Nikita Sergeyevich had
small feet. Delicate.

I'm sure with
the current market for...

historical memorabilia that...

that's worth
a great deal more than $65.

Do you have
any documentation on this?

Well, I'm giving you
my word.

If it's all the same to you,
I'll take the cash.

Hey, Bobrov.

I wanna talk to you.

In here. Come here.

Hey, hey, hey. I've been told
to watch my blood pressure.

Who cooks this up?

Cooks up?
Yes, fabricates.

Manufactures. Makes up.

Oh, come on now, Minnifield.

We agreed upon a price.
We have a deal.

I'm not talking
about money here.

I'm talking about my
reputation. Listen to this.

"Saturday, November 3rd, 1959.

"After sexual intercourse...

"Minnifield bragged
to Agent Furtseva...

"that the Atlas booster, a military
rocket modified for a one-man capsule...

"was capable of
360,000 pounds of thrust. "

Furtseva, eh?
This never happened.

What, you mean you
never had sex with her?

I had sex with a woman
by the name of Linda...

who purported to be
the desk clerk...

at the Coconut Palm Inn
in Key Biscayne, Florida.

Well.
Look, Bobrov...

I'm a military man,
born and bred.

I know the meaning
of classified.

I did not spill
the beans here.

If you say so.

Look, you don't understand
the magnitude of this thing.

People will read
this tripe and believe...

at best, I'm a fool,
and at worst, a...

traitor.

You didn't
compromise anything.

We already knew the thrust
capabilities of the Atlas booster.

That's not the point.

Look, I'm a bona fide
American hero.

I'm in books.
I'm in museum displays.

People look up to me.

Anybody reading
this tripe would believe it.

Maurice-

I will not have the
American people believing...

that I sang to some chippy
in a Florida motel room.

It's ancient history, Maurice.
It's water over the dam.

You go on home.
Finish your memoirs.

Chicken-fried steak.
Oh.

Oh, no.
What?

Something wrong? Well, I
did order a grilled steak.

Oh, no problemo.

No, wait.
It's okay. Really.

Dave will fix you
another one.

No, maybe it was my fault.
You know, maybe I wasn't clear.

Besides, I'm sure it's delicious,
and I'm sure I'll love it.

Okay. Want some A1?

Nope. I bet it's
perfect just the way it is.

Thanks, Bill.

Ow.

What?

Well, it's weird. I just
got this little pain. Ow.

You okay?
Yes.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, Shelly,
how about some more fries?

Coming.

How you doing?
Fine. Thanks.

You sure I can't get you something? Huh?

Oh, no. Thanks.

Well, maybe a glass of water.
Sure thing.

Hey, babe...

Last Boy Scout starts tomorrow.
Wanna catch the matinee?

Well, I can't, Shelly.
I got a bulk run to do.

Dave, would you give me
a glass of water? Sure.

Well, why don't
you ask Jason?

You mean the kid?
Uh-huh.

You want me to go to the movies
with the health inspector?

Well, he seems kind of lonely.
He's always on the road alone.

Okay, hon. Sure.

I'm gonna take off, Maurice.
So early?

It's 2:00 a. m.
It is?

Oh, yeah.

Everything okay?

Yesterday,
the words were flowing.

Today, nothing.

Hmm...

Chris...

can I...

rely on your confidentiality?

Absolutely.

Thirty years ago...

I betrayed my country.

No kidding?
Yeah.

What'd you do?

Well, the details
aren't important.

Suffice it to say that in
a moment of braggadocio...

I said some things...

that I probably
shouldn't have.

Fortunately,
there were no repercussions...

and after a time...

I put it out of my mind.

But today
something happened that...

brought back to mind
that terrible lapse.

Well, I know
what you're feeling.

You do?

The feeling you're
feeling is guilt.

Guilt? I've never
felt that in my life.

Really?
Yes, really.

That surprises me, Maurice, you know,
considering your history, and all.

You wanna stick to
the subject here? Okay.

Here you are,
a national figure, a hero.

You're rich,
you're famous.

But behind it all, there's this
kind of a deep, dark secret.

So in your gut,
you feel you don't deserve it.

The success,
the fame, the wealth.

That's ridiculous.

Maybe.

See you tomorrow.

All right, how often do you
feel the pain?

Two, three times a day.

After meals?
No.

By the way, I wanna thank you for
seeing me on such short notice.

All right.
Why don't you lie down?

Tell me exactly
where it hurts.

Right around here.

It's probably nothing. I
shouldn't even be bothering you.

Does that hurt?

Mmm.

I'm sorry
if I wasted your time.

All right, sit up.

Is there anything that you
do that makes you feel better?

Well, you know, I do seem to
feel better after I eat something.

Uh-huh.

By the way, Fleischman, you know,
I really never get to say this...

but it really is a comfort...

being under the care of such a
knowledgeable physician as yourself.

Good.

Your symptoms are consistent with
someone who is developing a peptic ulcer.

Ulcer?
An ulcer.

An ulcer?
That's right.

Fleischman, I can't
possibly be getting an ulcer.

Oh? Why not?

Because, I never have
stomach problems.

Never, ever.
I mean, I can eat anything.

Jalapeno, curry,
horseradish, you name it.

Well, you under any stress?
Stress?

Yeah.
No. Not a bit.

Well, what about this
quest of yours?

The "I'm gonna be
a better person" thing?

Well, no, that's been great,
actually. That's been fabulous.

I mean, that's been why
I've been so incredibly good.

Okay. Hop down.

Look, I want you to
eat regularly, okay?

Avoid spicy foods,
cut out the booze.

Look, Fleischman, I'm sure
it's just a sour stomach.

All right. Well, pick up
some Mylanta or Maalox.

If that doesn't work,
I'll put you on Tagamet.

Well, Fleischman, I thank
you for your understanding.

You're a caring, absolutely first-rate
doctor, but I do not have an ulcer.

But thank you very much.

Bye, Marilyn.

That was so cool.

I loved it when that dude kept boppin'
Bruce Willis in the face with a gun...

and then Bruce got really ticked off and
smashed the guy's nose up into his brain.

What? You didn't like it?
Oh, it was a good movie.

I just worry about the
message it sends to the public.

What do you mean?

Shelly, you can't sustain those kinds
of blunt instrument head traumas...

and just get up
and walk away.

Oh. Don't get me wrong,
this was a lot of fun.

I don't get
to see many movies.

Most towns I visit aren't large
enough to sustain a movie theater.

Bummer.
Oh...

I'm not gonna be
on the road forever.

My goal is to make
supervisor by the time I'm 30.

And if that
doesn't work out...

I can always get my independent
contractor's license.

That's cool.

Well...

this is where I live.

Bitchin'.

Yeah, I'd invite you in, but
that's... Probably wouldn't be right.

I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to
get the wrong idea. About you and me.

Oh.

So.

Thanks again.
Sure.

See you.
See you.

I see a definite
resemblance. Yes.

He doesn't look anything
like me. No, no, no, look.

It's here in the eyes.
A certain quality.

I'm trained to
notice these things.

Marilyn, does he look
anything like me?

Uh-huh.

Get out of here.
He's white.

You have to remember, too, that
photographs don't fax very well.

He's not my relative.

Wait a minute.
What's this?

What, you denied him security
clearance? Well, I had to.

Yevgeny was involved with
Jewish dissident groups.

He was a refusenik.

Well, it looks like he just
wanted to study Hebrew.

Well, our policy was
very clearly spelled out.

My hands were tied.
Well, you know...

my family used to
talk about stuff like this.

Every Passover.

You know what Passover is?
Fleischman.

Well, every Passover
at my Aunt Freda's...

we would sit around
the table eating latkes...

and we would take a moment
to remember the Russian Jews.

The ones that didn't get out.
Family, must be nice.

I have a wife,
but we're separated.

I have a boy by a previous
marriage, but we barely speak.

See, the point is, this is
exactly what we were talking about.

A man like this,
like Yevgeny Fleischman.

My son was up on
the tank with Yeltsin.

He says to me, "Dad, if you're not part of
the solution, you're part of the problem. "

I'll take it.
I'm sorry?

The dossier,
I'll take it.

Your bill is settled,
Mr. Bobrov.

So, did you
enjoy the picture show?

Yes, sir.

Okay, why don't you
look the report over?

Make sure
everything is clear.

With pleasure.

I'm afraid
I don't understand.

What does this mean,
"violations"?

Those are the conditions
that need to be remedied.

Remedied?

"The operator of an establishment
shall insure that all studs, joists...

"and rafters are not exposed
in food preparation areas. "

They're a potential
source of contamination.

You know,
actually you did pretty well.

We use 100 point scale,
and you got a 78.

Most of the problems were in
food equipment and utensils.

If you'd please just initial
the boxes and sign at the bottom.

Who do you think you are?

I beg your pardon?
You come in here...

and tell me what's
wrong with my bar.

Mr. Vincoeur
- You try to tell me how to run my business?

Your business is
a public establishment.

My job is to guarantee
the public a clean, safe meal.

Well, let me tell you where you
can stick your clean, safe meal.

Mr. Vincoeur, are you
going to sign the report?

I am not.

Refuses to sign.

You have 14 days to comply.

Yeah? And if I don't?
I'll have to close you down.

Maurice.

Haven't seen you
around in a while.

What are you burning?
Memoirs.

How come?

Who was I to think I could hold
myself up as an example to people?

The Early Years:

Honor and Glory.

Hey, Maurice, you know...

I'm all for rash behavior,
you know? We both know that.

Don't you think you're
overreacting just a bit with this?

You hit the nail
on the head, Chris.

I'm a fake...

and a fraud.

No, you're not.
That's a very subjective term.

Not in this Marine's book,
it's not.

Look, why don't you and I,
we go over to Holling's...

we have a couple of pops,
you know. I'll buy. Come on.

You want a drink?
I got a bottle right here.

Mescal?

Save me the worm.

Hello, Dr. Fleischman.

Sorry. You like me to knock.

It's okay, Ed.

Well, I wanted to tape Das Boot,
but the tracking on my VCR's out.

So I was wondering if I
could borrow yours. Yeah.

This is incredible.
I mean, listen to this.

"At age nine, Yevgeny
joined the Young Pioneers.

"At 14, the Komsomol.

"At 18, he matriculated into the
Kiev Polytechnical Institute. "

Polytechnical, huh?

Expelled from the Komsomol
for Zionist activities.

Zionist activities?

Probably made matzoh
or lit a menorah, right?

The fact is...

Yevgeny was kicked out of the
Komsomol for the simple reason...

that he evinced some
pride in being a Jew.

Oh.

I mean, it's the same
story, Ed, over and over...

no matter where you look
throughout history.

Look what they did to Dreyfus.

Richard Dreyfuss?
No.

Jacques, Andre. I don't know.
The thing is, he was framed.

He was taken away in chains
to Devil's Island. Why?

Why?
Because he was a Jew.

Wow.

A Jew, Ed. I mean,
that's what I am.

This could just
as easily have been my life.

Yours?
Yeah.

I mean,
if my grandfather hadn't...

bribed some
muzhik 50 rubles...

to smuggle him across the Russian
frontier in the back of a haywagon...

I could have been
Yevgeny Fleischman.

I would have been
Yevgeny Fleischman.

Oh.

Don't worry, Ed,
it's not the end of the story.

You know where he is now?

Israel.

He made it.

Oh.

I mean, you see what it means
for a Jew to have his own country?

After 2,000 years of wandering,
he can finally go home.

He can always go to Israel.

What?

Well, you can't go anywhere,
Dr. Fleischman.

You're stuck here.

Good night,
Dr. Fleischman.

Get the lead out, babe.

We gotta open up.
Listen here, Shelly.

"Toilet tissue must be provided in
a wall-hung or protected container. "

I mean,
plain old TP isn't enough.

After breakfast, you and
Dave can go to Sleetmute.

Snag all the stuff you
need for repairs.

"Ventilation devices must
prevent grease or condensation...

"from collecting on walls
and ceilings. "

Holling, you hear me?

I am not gonna go to
Sleetmute after breakfast.

I am not gonna
make these repairs.

What do you mean?

I'm not gonna give that little
milk-toothed snoop the satisfaction.

Holling, if you don't fix those
things, he's gonna close us down.

Yeah? We'll see about that.

Wait a sec.

Are you just PO'd because
your little scam didn't work?

What scam?

You know...

let Jason take Shelly to the
movies, so he doesn't bag on you.

That's got nothing to do with it. No?

This is a slap in the face.
It's an insult, Shelly.

Holling, he just wants
the hair out of the soup.

Oh, no.
No, he's judging us.

He's coming in here with this 100
point scale, and he is judging us.

You call this being judged?

Obviously you have never
been in a beauty pageant.

What has that got
to do with anything?

Holling, being judged is
standing in stiletto heels...

on a hot stage with
only inches of spandex...

between you
and your birthday suit.

And these horny businessmen...

and their dried up old sosh-types
with their scorecards...

are eyeballing you, just
dying to find things wrong.

And when they do...

it's not something lame, like a
stovetop or a leaky faucet. Uh-uh.

It's your nips
or your butt or your ankles.

And let me tell you
something else.

When a chick
goes in for her repairs...

she doesn't just go out and
buy some PVC or two-by-fours.

Uh-uh.

She goes under the knife.

The knife?

We're talking silicone
and tummy tucks.

Beauty contestants
don't complain...

because they know
if they want that crown...

they got to play the game.

Hurry up.

Hey, Maurice.

You know, Maurice,
I was trying to...

come up with a historical
figure for you, you know...

somebody you got
a reverential thing for...

like George Patton...

or J. Edgar Hoover.
And I thought...

that big picture in the library
that you got of MacArthur.

Sacking him was the stupidest
thing Truman ever did.

The man was
a true warrior-statesman.

Should have been president.

What about him? I want you
to take a look at this, okay?

I bought if from Viktor.

Viktor?
Mmm-hmm.

I'm not interested.

I'll read it.

"Top Secret. Immediate.

"October 4th, 1936.

"Our efforts vis-à-vis General
MacArthur have finally been rewarded.

"As usual, we allowed him to win at
the Wednesday evening poker game. "

What the hell?

"Pleased with his success at the gaming
table, the General drank heavily...

"fell asleep, and we were able to
photograph the contents of his briefcase. "

I don't believe a word of it.

"Included were contingency
plans for a Soviet attack...

"on the Baltic states and Finland.
Expense account to follow. "

That never happened.
Maybe not.

MacArthur retired from
the army the following year...

and it was only after Pearl
Harbor that they asked him back.

Is that a coincidence?

He offered me some juicy
stuff on John Foster Dulles...

but I didn't have
the cash.

J. Edgar Hoover
and Tolson, too.

See you later, okay?

Hey, O'Connell.

How you feeling? Better,
thank you. Much better.

What's that?
What?

What, you forget to shave?

No, no, no, no.
It's just a little coffee.

What's behind your back?

Nothing.
Come on, O'Connell.

Well, okay,
so it's a little Maalox.

But really,
I don't feel any pain.

It's just a little twinge. It's
no big deal. I hardly notice it.

Look, I have this theory
about what's going on with you.

Oh, well, that's nice, Fleischman,
but I'm really not interested.

All right, well, just
follow me if you can.

I think that this gastrointestinal
episode of yours...

is related to this attempt
to be a nicer person.

Oh, really?

Yeah. See...

it's inherently flawed.

It's ill-conceived.

I mean, call it
what you like, okay?

We could say human nature,
the devil, whatever.

People are simply incapable...

of prolonged,
sustained goodness.

So this mission of yours,
it's unachievable...

and to tell you the truth,
it's medically ill-advised.

Medically ill-advised?

Well, in your case, yes.

I mean, the cornerstone of your
psyche is this unfocused, searing rage.

Yeah?
Yeah.

I don't think I know of a more
negative, reproachful individual.

You're going completely
against your grain.

You are seriously
jeopardizing your health.

So by trying to be good,
I'm making myself ill?

Every good deed, every kind
gesture, every generous impulse...

you are putting
another nail in your coffin.

Clean.

Good non-slip surface.

Non-absorbent shelf liners.
Very nice.

Hard maple cutting board.

Glassware stored in the
proper inverted position.

You could use another couple of
foot-candles of light in the kitchen...

but I can let that slide.

Way to go.

Keep up the good work,
Mr. Vincoeur. I'll be back.

Thanks, Jason.

I'd like to stay longer, but
there are a lot of towns out there.

A lot of food service
establishments.

So long.
Take care.

Oh, Holling,
I'm proud of you, babe.

My Rose Garden reception took
place the second week in May.

The First Lady was
resplendent...

in a matching
azure blue skirt and jacket.

The President wore
a gray chalk-striped suit...

and a red foulard tie.

I was surprised
by Kennedy's stature.

I expected a taller man.
Minnifield.

I'm taking off today.

I was wondering, I have an
old LA address for Carpenter...

and I understand that
he'd moved back to Colorado.

I thought you might happen to know
- No, I wouldn't.

Well, I'm sorry.
I would've just thought-

And that garbage
about MacArthur...

don't you ever sell
that to anyone again.

Don't be all day with that.
Okay.

What garbage about MacArthur?

Beats me.

Excuse me!

Yeah, excuse me!

Hey!

Listen, I haven't been feeling very well
lately, and I was trying to take a nap!

What I'm trying
to say here is...

would you mind stopping
that for a while?

What's that?

That.

Please, could you stop that?

I'll be done
in a minute!

Look, you inconsiderate clod,
turn the thing off now...

or I'm gonna get my gun
and turn it into scraps!

Look at yourself.

You pollute the air
with your noise and fumes.

You have no respect for your
neighbors, the environment.

It's idiots like you, you know, who
are choking the environment to death!

You're a blight! You're a
menace! You ought to be locked up.

Yes!

Allo?

Uh, hi.

Is your daddy there?
Yevgeny Fleischman?

Hello? Hello?

Yevgeny?
Yevgeny Fleischman?

Da.

Hi.

Hello.

Did you speak English?
English, nyet.

Oh, Hebrew?
No. Not at all.

Look, you're probably
not gonna get any of this...

but...

my name is Fleischman, too.

It's Joel Fleischman.
Fleischman?

We're not related.

Actually,
it's a long story...

but...

I read your dossier...

and I kind of
- I feel like I know you, like...

we could be family. I mean,
I know we're not, but...

I don't know. I just
wanted to give you a call...

and hear the sound
of your voice.

Just to see if
it sounded familiar.

Joel?
Joel. Yeah, Joel Fleischman.

Fleischman?
Yevgeny.

Joel.

Yevgeny.

How are things
in Israel, Yevgeny?