Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 4, Episode 4 - Heroes - full transcript
A rock musician (played by Adam Ant) accidentally arrives in Cicely, creating quite a stir-up among the locals. While Ed makes a documentary about the visit, Chris has trouble deciding how to put an old friend to his final rest.
Ruth-Anne.
Look at this. Pelle the
Conqueror in the C's. Really.
Where do you keep
the dental floss?
Oh, it's down here.
Do you like waxed
or unwaxed?
What's the difference?
Depends on how close
together your teeth are.
Oh, I almost forgot.
You got a package.
Package? Mmm-hmm. COD. It's out back.
Here it is.
This is for me?
Yep.
What is it?
Well, at first I thought
it was a mistake.
Jolly McDermott's snowmobile chassis
come in a box just this size...
but he ship them by rail,
and this came by truck.
O'Toole?
Hey, it's from Tooley.
Friend of yours?
Yeah.
It looks as if it could be a
wardrobe or maybe a refrigerator.
Whatever it is,
it weighs a ton.
It's human remains.
What?
You mean a body?
Yeah.
Whose body?
His.
Excuse me.
How you doing?
Morning, friend.
Morning.
Can I get you something?
Where am I?
You're at The Brick.
The Brick?
In Sicily, right?
Yes, sir.
Well, where's the beach and all
the red-checkered tablecloths...
Cinzano umbrellas
and olives and that?
You did say Sicily, right?
Alaska.
Alaska.
Of course, Alaska.
I mean, if I was
in "Sicily" Sicily...
you'd be speaking in Italian,
now wouldn't you, eh?
I guess.
Alaska.
That's cool.
Bears, penguins, pipelines.
Have you got a phone here?
Yes. Right around the bar,
just beyond the pool table.
Can you do me a favor?
If a guy called Mink...
who's supposed to be an
artist's manager, calls for me...
tell him to get lost, okay?
Mink?
I mean, hey, man...
a guy gives you his word...
makes you a promise, he's
supposed to follow through, right?
Without question.
Right. Totally.
So if he calls, I don't even
want to know about it, okay?
All right. And if this
Mr. Mink calls...
who will he
be asking for?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, how about
that drink, then, eh?
Tequila and OJ.
I'll see
what I can round up.
So this is Tooley, huh?
Yep.
You guys were good friends?
Oh, man, the best.
Since way back in JD.
We lived off and on
together since, you know.
We were living in an abandoned
boxcar when he told me about Sartre.
Sartre?
Yeah.
Really? Yeah, don't let
the clothes fool you.
That there is
a real Renaissance man.
Philosopher, artist,
musician extraordinaire.
You know,
after our Soo Line days...
we were living in Skokie, in a
halfway house for about a year.
And he picked up
the blues harp.
Man, he could
wail that thing.
You see this tattoo right
here on his left arm? Uh-huh.
Well, most people think that the
ink-pricker misspelled murder...
but, actually,
back in Kentucky...
there was this one filly
he always kept his eye on.
Always came in dead last,
right? Unless it was raining.
Then his mudder
would skate right in...
you know, while the others
slogged along.
How come you never
talked about him?
Well, he was a big part
of my life, you know?
I mean,
a major influence.
The things we shared,
the things Tooley taught me...
I guess bringing him up
was too personal.
So what did he want you to do
with him? Bury him, I suppose.
He didn't leave
a note or anything?
No, we kind of had a
pact. You had a pact?
Yeah, it's
all kind of hazy...
but last time I saw him,
he was herding sheep...
and we were sitting up on this big hill
drinking a 12-pack of malt liquor...
and a pint of sloe gin,
you know...
contemplating
our own mortality...
and we said something about
doing right by each other.
Seems simple enough.
Yeah, you'd think.
But then again, Tooley worked on
a whole lot of different levels.
A complex individual.
Yeah.
Hello, darling. Do you
got any Ernie Balls? Who?
Ernie Balls. You know,
electric guitar strings?
No, I'm afraid I don't
have any Ernie Balls.
How about some picks?
You know, any kind.
Polymer, nylon,
Plexi, agate.
I'll go see
what I can find.
I'll have to check
downstairs. Be right back.
You wanna toss me
some of those matches, love?
Yeah, you. Matches.
I must have left me lighter
at The Brick. Silly sod.
Are you in detox?
Oh, you're one of
those... Sign language?
No.
No. No, my name's
Shelly Tambo.
Tambo?
Yeah.
Did I do you
on the Wonderland tour?
Uh-uh. But I'm
one of your biggest fans!
I've got all your
records and everything.
Cool.
I've always wanted to ask
you this one question...
but I never thought I'd get the chance
to meet you face to face like this.
Oh, shoot. It's about
the cover of Metal Image.
You and the band were dressed
in your usual gig stuff.
The chains and the
leather and stuff. Yeah.
Except you were wearing
a smiley-face button.
Remember?
Only it was upside-down.
Well, was it because an
upside-down smile's a frown?
I thought maybe that was it
because you lost Freddy...
as soon as
the album cover came out.
Freddy?
Your first drummer.
Freddy Bonner?
Your twin?
Oh, him.
You know, that cheeky little
sod wanted a trap solo...
somewhere in every set
we did!
Diabolical liberty.
And I'll tell you, man, if he
hadn't ditched the band first...
I think I would have seriously
considered booting him out.
I'm sorry, but all I could find
was a couple of old banjo picks.
You can have them
if you want them.
Oh, thanks, man.
They're awful dusty.
Hey, you haven't got a...
a doctor or something around
here, have you? Mmm-hmm.
Dr. Fleischman's office is just
down the street. You can't miss it.
Later.
Bye.
Hey.
Morning.
Indian?
Uh-huh.
For real?
Uh-huh.
Whoa! That's karma, man, you know,
'cause I really dig the Indian sound.
Those tom-toms,
wooden flutes...
those gourd pipes, drums.
Totally cool.
Do you play?
Piano.
No drums? I have friends who play drums.
Really?
Hey, Marilyn...
Hi, can I help you?
Yeah, but if I take my shirt off,
it'll have to be between you and me...
'cause I haven't had
my chest waxed in weeks.
Oh, well...
it's not a problem for me,
mister...
I like this guy.
Brad Bonner.
He plays guitar.
Now, you say the tingling
occurs in the thumb...
and the first three fingers,
right? Yeah, basically, yeah.
And sometimes when I'm on stage,
it goes to sleep on me, you know?
And it really screws up
my hammer-ons.
Your what?
Hammer-ons.
You know, Eddie's big thing
on the Van Halen album? No.
Blew all the wannabes away.
You know, the...
Oh, yeah. I see what you mean.
Well, does that cause any numbness...
in your thumb or your palm?
Oh, yeah. Well, that's it.
And I told Mink
about this a month ago...
and he just told me to stop
sleeping with my hands under my butt.
Right. Well,
what's going on here is...
the ligaments in your wrist
are swollen, okay...
and they're impinging
on the medium nerve.
Now, it's actually called
carpal tunnel syndrome.
Now you say you play the guitar,
right? Yeah, you could say that.
Well, how do you hold the
instrument when you play? Show me.
Oh, well, look, right there.
I mean, at the height
you're holding it...
you have to fold
your wrist over to play.
You gotta try and keep that
in a neutral position, okay?
You understand?
No.
Like higher.
Like, say, chest level.
Like here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
The look's all wrong, man.
No.
Okay. All right.
Maybe it wasn't
the axe at all.
Maybe it was the dogs.
The dogs?
Yeah.
I had these dogs,
you see. Great Danes.
They used to yank
like hell on the leash...
and I really banged up
my hands, man.
Well, what happened to them?
Let me have your wrist.
Set them free.
Free?
Yeah, you know,
like in the lion movie.
Right.
This obviously may not be the
look you're after, either...
but it should do
the trick.
Now, just wear it
throughout the day...
and especially
when you "rock out. "
I like it.
It's got that real
Road Warrior look, man.
Yeah.
Dateline:
Mesopotamia, 3,500 B.C.
That's when the multifaceted
sounds we call music...
got its humble beginnings.
It seems clappers were sent out to
the fields to scare evil spirits away.
And these clappers started getting
into the beat of their duties.
And, bingo, you have drums. From
there, horns, reeds, strings...
and the whole
orchestral gestalt.
So born in
staving off death...
music continues to nourish
us in a variety of forms...
as different as the colors
on the spectrum.
And riding high on that metal
wavelength of the spectrum...
is the one and only
Brad Bonner...
lead vocalist and axeman for
the band Serpent Cathedral.
Welcome, Brad.
How's it going?
It's going good, thanks.
It's a long way from the lute
to the screaming Stratocaster.
Who were some of your influences?
Where do you come from?
Musically?
Chili Peppers, U2...
Pearl Jam's okay.
Well, considering your heavy
distortion grunge sound...
I was wondering if maybe you were
influenced by some of the greats...
like Hendrix
or Tommy Bolin.
Hendrix?
Mmm-hmm.
Purple Haze?
Woodstock?
The Star Spangled Banner?
You know, headband?
Oh, black dude, right?
He wrote The Star-Spangled
Banner, didn't he?
Uh, no.
Oh, whatever.
You see, Chris, I make a point
of never listening to music...
released before 1987,
anyway.
You see, my sound comes
from deep inside of me...
and I don't like to pollute
my musical groundwater.
Right. Right.
How long are you gonna stay
in our fair flower of a city?
Well, until last night
I didn't think...
I could get out of
here fast enough. Yeah?
Oh, yeah,
but that's all changed now.
Oh, really? Yeah. I've had
this great idea for a gig.
In Cicely?
Alaska.
Except it won't be like your ordinary,
everyday, standard rock fest. No way.
This is going to be something
deeper. Very, very deep.
A kind of cultural...
Oh, a great cultural...
Significance?
Totally significant.
Mmm!
It's just gonna
be me, right...
and some Indian drummers
rocking out...
like a real meeting
of the musical minds.
Real cultural exchange
kind of stuff.
Well, that's great.
I can't wait to hear that.
This next cut I'm going to play
is for my visiting friend Tooley.
A new sound,
for these airwaves at least.
The title track off of
Cathedral's Mondo Rondo LP...
titled, you got it,
Mondo Rondo.
Hey, crank it up!
Excuse me!
Sir? Mr. Bonner?
Mr. Bonner?
Hi, I'm Ed.
I just heard you on
the radio. C, G, B-flat.
C... Have you got a pen on you,
man? Something to write with?
No.
C, G...
Can you
remember something?
C...
G...
Oh.
B- flat.
B- flat.
Got it.
You know, I heard you were gonna
be playing with some Indians...
and what I'd really
like to do is film it.
No can do, man.
I want that thing to be pure.
No MTV stuff.
Like a cultural,
you know, tradeoff.
No, like cameras and lights will just,
you know, mess up the purity of it.
I can shoot it ambient.
Ambient?
Yep. That's without lights.
Yeah, but ambient's
without lights. Right.
It wouldn't cost you anything. No?
No. The Coast Guard
down to Yakataga...
they were gonna get rid of
all of their 16mm film stock...
but instead of dumping it,
they gave it to me.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Well, maybe we could get the
whole thing down on film, you know?
Maybe it wouldn't mess up the
balance of the cultural thing...
'cause that's
mega-important to me.
You know?
Balance, culture, media.
Robert Flaherty did it
once before, up here.
Nanook of the North. 1922.
Oh, it's been done?
Sort of.
That was a film.
Oh.
Well, maybe we could expand
the performance thing, you know?
Show how I came up
with the idea...
do a bit of background on
how all that came up, and...
So it's like a sort of
Cicely solo tour about me...
but about me
in Alaska. Yeah?
Yeah.
You know, I think there's too
much stuff here just for a video.
It's much bigger than that.
I think it's feature
length. Like that...
Like that Madonna thing.
Truth or Dare.
Yeah, except this will be
about something, you know?
Like We Are the World.
But instead of
40 guys singing...
it'll just be
me and the Indians, right?
Sort of a...
I Am the World.
Yeah!
Yeah!
I Am the World.
Yeah.
Yeah!
I got a big problem
here, Tooley.
I mean, I got options, but
the pieces don't wanna fit.
Option number one:
cremation?
I mean, you're a well-traveled
guy. Where am I gonna spread you?
Burial at sea. Okay, that's
a nice choice. Burial at sea.
But there's seven of them.
Which one am I gonna choose?
Mummification.
Now that's interesting...
but seeing how the cult of
Osiris is history, man...
there's nobody left
to do it up right.
Plus, I probably couldn't get the palm
wine and spices for the job, anyway.
You see, each answer only
rattles the question harder.
Hey, Chris.
Hey, Brad. Ed.
Hey, Chris.
What are you guys doing
out this way?
I heard you had
a dead guy out here, Chris.
You know, I thought
I'd do the real thing.
Stop by, have a look at
him, pay my last respects.
You know, that whole scene. Oh,
yeah. Well, thanks. I appreciate that.
Okay, Eddie,
I think you should get...
a shot of me
and the dead guy, here.
Tooley.
You know, name's Tooley.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Me and Tooley...
and bring Chris in
as well, yeah?
Okay, Eddie,
here we go.
Death. What a scam, eh?
You know, society wants us to buy
into that whole dead-and-gone routine.
Right.
Well, it all started coming together
for me when I was a punk, really.
You know, I had this idea
that, like, when you kicked...
your spirit got, like, booted into,
like, machines, engines, you know?
But then I got hip
to the idea...
it's way more than that, man.
I mean...
what comes down
when you die...
is that you end up in the
thing you dug the most...
before you died.
Right. Right, right, right.
Huh?
Yeah, like, so, little itsy bits of me
will end up, like, in my humbuckers, man...
and in my strings
and out there...
with all the Cathedral
punters in the world, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Like,
what your slant is, is...
we all get, like, fragmented,
redistributed, yeah?
Like a chain letter.
Right.
Whatever.
Maurice, maybe you can help shed
some light on something for me.
I mean, you being a former
national hero and all...
you've probably been the
object of some female adoration.
Hey, you got
that right.
Four in the side pocket
over there.
You see, it's Shelly.
Oh?
Yeah, this Brad fella.
I've never seen her
quite like this.
It's like she's under some
sort of spell or something.
Yeah, I've noticed.
You have?
Uh-huh.
And "spell," that's a
very apt way of putting it.
Put the five down there.
There we go.
It's a very interesting phenomenon
to witness, especially firsthand.
What is?
The effect that a public celebrity
can have on the fairer sex.
A woman that's
God-fearing, church-going...
with a Puritan demeanor,
and a husband to boot...
can suddenly,
like that...
be turned into
a libidinous sex fiend.
A sex fiend?
Yeah.
I've often wondered
why women feel...
that it's important to have sexual
intercourse with a famous man.
Five in the corner
over there.
Damn.
I think maybe
it could be...
they feel that notoriety
might rub off on them.
Or it could be a basic
biological drive.
You know,
that Darwinian stuff.
Procreation with the alpha
male, that sort of thing.
I never came to
a satisfactory answer.
But I had a hell
of a lot of fun!
Your shot.
Now, I realize
that your taste in vino...
never quite made it past the
screw-top variety, Tooley...
but all Ruth-Anne had was
this here cooking sherry.
Salutes, chalutes.
Down the hatch.
Hey, that's not bad.
Reminds me of that stuff we used to
ferment in the old squirt bottles. Remember?
Ah! Our meal sizzles!
Remember that night
we were out by the belt line?
We had that campfire going...
and I was gonna whip up
the world-famous Chris Burger?
You told me that two pounds of ground
beef would never cook even. Remember that?
Would I listen? There was the
Chris Burger on the open flame...
charcoal black on the outside,
red raw on the inside...
just like you said, man.
I knew I needed
that little something extra...
that little something special that
was gonna make it uniquely mine.
So I basted
my culinary delight...
with the only hooch
that we had handy.
Man, if you hadn't grabbed me by my
Levi's when that Everclear went up...
I'd have been burned black as my
boots. A regular Crispy Critter.
Just one of the many times
you saved my ass.
Soup's on.
What am I gonna do
with you, Tooley?
Good evening, sir.
The Nazarene party, yeah?
Could be. I'm not really
sure. Right this way.
Here we are.
Oh, I don't want to take
somebody's seat.
Oh, feel free to sit.
Yeah, it's all right.
You sure?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Thank you. Tight fit.
Care for a cocktail
or to see the wine list?
Do you have anything on tap? Afraid not.
Try the '05 Gethsemane
Private Reserve Cab.
It's drinking very well now.
Goes nicely with the shank
of lamb and bitter herbs.
I'll try that.
Peter.
Chris.
That's James.
Hi.
Philip, Matthew,
Mark, Luke, John.
Matthew, Mark, Luke and...
John.
John. You guys aren't...
Nah.
So, Chris,
what brings you here?
Not the sweetbreads,
I hope.
No. I have a dead friend
I need to bury.
You want the meaning of
life. Yeah. I think so.
Came to the right place.
Hey, guys,
dinner's on me tonight.
Unleavened bread?
Sure. Why not?
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, thanks. Yeah,
I like that. Great.
Thanks, thanks...
Thanks, Jim.
Riveting stuff, man.
Top-notch.
Thanks, wow.
Marilyn?
Next.
Come on in, Don.
Are there any calls for me?
No.
Good. Okay, this is Don Clearwater.
Hi, Don.
Marilyn.
And, well, he does weddings,
hunting ceremonies, harvests.
Cool, man. Yeah.
Christmas and Easter,
I do a special program...
over at Redeemer Baptist
Church in Sleetmute.
Just a minute, now.
Before we get started...
Ed?
I just gotta say that I'm way into this
thing we're gonna do together, you know?
I mean, you and me, we're not
that different, really, are we?
I mean, you people wear
skins, I wear skins.
I dig music,
you dig music.
It's gonna be
a real gas tomorrow, man.
So let's hear
what you're gonna do. Yeah?
No. Whoa, whoa. Cut!
Cut. Cut. Eddie, cut!
Eddie.
He's really good, huh?
Yeah. He's good, yeah.
He's tall.
Huh?
How tall?
I don't know.
Taller than me?
A little.
Hey, thanks
for stopping by, man.
That was totally cool.
Cheers.
Bye, Don.
Bye, Marilyn.
Yeah, well, thanks for
coming, Don. See you, Ed.
Marilyn?
There are a dozen people
with drums lined up out here.
It's auditions.
Auditions?
Yeah, we needed
a little private space...
to check out some
of the local trapsmen, man.
"Trapsmen"?
Uh-huh.
Drummers.
You were out to lunch.
Look, this is a doctor's office, okay?
Sick people come here for treatment.
What about my patients?
You don't have any.
Yes, well, I might.
Ed, would you stop?
All right. All right, obviously
I'm not gonna win this one.
Okay, 20 minutes. You have 20
minutes, then I want my office back.
Thanks, Dr. Fleischman.
Marilyn?
Next!
Hey! Chris!
Hey, Joel.
Did you know that when
one of their slaves died...
the ancient Gauls would dig a
hole in the ground, a big shaft...
put the body in, standing
straight up and down?
Who did that?
The Gauls.
Is there any choice of final
internment for the Hebrew world?
Well, as a matter
of fact, yes.
The basic burial is
your primary choice.
In the ground?
Within two days.
Which is actually why
I wanted to talk to you...
regarding you friend
and his casket.
Tooley.
Right.
I just don't want to have any
knee-jerk decisions being made.
You know, eternal rest isn't
something you should rush into.
No, no, I understand...
But unfortunately, in the eyes of
the Attorney General's office, it is.
If Tooley wasn't embalmed, you'd have to
have him in the ground within 24 hours.
Shoddily embalmed,
you have 48 to 72 max.
Seeing as how he was obviously dead
before he mailed himself to you...
I'd say we're pushing it.
I know. I know.
Well, it's my responsibility to
tell you that aside from the law...
we have certain
health risks to consider.
I mean, look, a body begins breaking
down as soon as a person dies, and...
Granted, in Tooley's case it's
been slowed down a little...
but, I mean, eventually...
Put it this way. Unless you know the
entire medical history of the deceased...
you can unwittingly transmit
any number of things.
It could be hepatitis, or
- What you're saying is...
sooner than later
on this deal.
This is
what I'm saying.
You're right.
Okay. Thank you.
A one, two, a one,
two, three, four!
Oi, Ed! Big guitar solo coming up.
Whoa! Yeah! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
That's gonna be bitchin' tomorrow,
man. That's so totally cool!
Now, look, seeing as I'm
on a wireless thing here...
maybe during your solo, I could,
like, bounce back and mingle?
You know, make that
exchange a bit more upfront.
Okay.
And maybe while I'm grooving
your sound, I can, you know...
bang something, like maybe
one of them things, yeah?
That's cool. Cheers.
All right, then?
From the top.
A one, two,
a one, two, three, four!
Are you coming in
to bed, Shel?
In a minute.
You think I blew it?
It's nice. Not a wrinkle.
Maybe I should have kept it all
sweaty and grody like he left it.
He?
Brad wears this on his arm for when
he's sweating like a pig on stage.
He wipes his face with it.
He gave you
his dirty hanky?
Well...
I was clearing his table, and so
I sort of put a dirty plate on it.
Okay, so I kiped it.
You stole it?
Well, yeah, I guess.
Shel, I must say...
I don't much
like the way you...
Well, the way
you've been acting.
I know I shouldn't have
swiped it, Holling...
but it was his hanky!
And it was just
sitting there.
What? Shel, from the moment
Brad came into Cicely...
you've been following him
around like he's the lead dog.
So?
People are noticing.
People?
I'm noticing and...
well...
You're jealous.
No, I'm not
jealous, I'm...
I'm embarrassed.
Embarrassed?
Shel, you and I are
practically husband and wife.
So what?
So, if you behave
unseemly...
it's unbecoming
to you, and...
it reflects poorly on me.
Are you trying to tell me
that if I act like a dork...
people are gonna think
you're a dork? Well...
Well, la-dee-da!
Too bad for you.
Shelly,
I'm not implying that...
You just got to understand-
Well, you just
get this!
I'm me, Holling,
not you.
This is my life, and if
I'm some kind of skeeze...
then that's my problem, not
your problem, not anybody else's.
Shelly...
And if that's unseemly
or unbecoming...
well, I'm just sorry
you see it that way.
Thank you, Marilyn.
That was really nice.
And thank you all for coming
out here on such short notice.
We had to kind of hurry this
thing along, so thank you again...
and let's just
get on with it.
We are gathered here today to mourn
the passing of Brian Grady O'Toole.
Tooley was born
of good Irish stock...
down in the vicinity
of New Orleans, Louisiana.
He's survived, last I heard, by his
mother, seven brothers, and two sisters.
Even though he left the family
nest at the tender age of 11...
Tooley was instilled with a
good sense of family values...
and those values stayed with him,
I'm sure, until his final days.
Final days which came way too soon,
believe me, ladies and gentlemen.
And...
for the people
who remember him...
the most fondly...
I can't do this.
I can't. It just doesn't
feel right, you know?
I mean, I've known this guy my whole
life, almost, and this is crazy.
Hey! Hey, Ed!
Hey, Brad.
You made it.
Doing all right, man.
But I tell you what...
have to wait all bleeding
day for a cab round here.
My feet are killing me.
So, where are my
skin-pounders, then, man?
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, Brad.
Hey, Eddie,
before I forget...
the post-show meet-and-greet
party, I'd like you to film that.
'Cause the fans, they get
totally out of control, you know?
Yeah, I bet.
See, that's the thing.
Brad, there's not gonna be a
meet-and-greet after the show.
Huh?
Because there's not
gonna be a show.
Say what?
You see, the Indians won't
play with you anymore.
They don't want to play with me? Uh-uh.
They said you're very good...
but you're like a pebble.
I'm like a pebble?
A pebble in a shoe.
They said I'm like a pebble in a shoe?
Yeah.
That's it? I'm like a pebble in a shoe?
Great.
I guess this means you're
gonna pull the plug on the film.
Yeah.
Great. Wonderful. A bloody
pebble in a bloody shoe.
That's wonderful.
Last week, we're down
at the Sea of Galilee...
and he says, "I know this
great spot for carp."
We cast our nets...
and sit there all day
in that blinding sun.
What do we get?
Bupkis!
That's why they call it
fishing, not catching.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys are all fishermen? Most of us.
Luke's a physician.
Matt's a tax gatherer.
And Philip,
he's a...
blacksmith?
Shepherd.
Well...
fun's fun, but tomorrow's a workday.
Chris, it's been
a pleasure.
If you ever make it
to Bethany, look me up.
Okay, Peter. I'll do that. You bet.
Take care.
He's a nice guy.
You know, you wanna do some real fishing,
you guys ought to come up to Alaska.
We got king salmon there,
barndoor halibut... Shh.
Show's starting.
What show?
Good evening, ladies and
brethren, and welcome.
Now I want you to all
kick off your sandals...
and lay back...
Tooley?
...'cause it's showtime at
the Last Supper Club. Hey! Hey!
That's my friend Tooley.
That's my friend...
Tooley! It's me Chris,
your buddy!
Hey, hey, hey! He can't
hear you. He's dead.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Now, I'm hip to the fact...
that there's a dude
in the audience...
that's breaking his eyeteeth
over the meaning of life.
That's me. That's me.
He's talking about me.
Well, buddy.
Let me tell you about
the meaning of life.
Tell us, baby. Tell us.
It ain't love.
"Love"
It ain't beauty.
" Love "
It ain't the whole truth
and nothing but the truth!
Tell us, baby.
Tell us
Well, if you really
want to know...
the meaning of life...
"Just take those old records
off the shelf"
"I'll sit and listen
to them by myself"
"Today's music
ain't got the same soul"
"I like that old time
rock and roll"
"Don't try to take me
to a disco"
"You'll never even get me
out on the floor"
"In 10 minutes
I'll be late for the door"
"I like that old time
rock and roll"
"Still like that old time
rock and roll"
"That kind of music
just soothes my soul"
"I reminisce
about the days of old"
"With that old time
rock and roll"
You know...
maybe you could cut
Brad's footage together...
with the stuff you shot on that
anthropologist who visited last spring.
Start a "Interesting People
I Have Known" sort of thing.
Nope.
This was supposed to be
one man's vision of...
you know, breaking
that culture barrier.
Sort of like Fitzcarraldo,
music instead of a boat.
And...
Well, something
like that...
you just couldn't cut it
together with anything else.
Well, I'm sure
something will come up.
Greta needs this stuff before
noon, so you'd better get a move on.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Eddie! Been
looking for you, man.
You have?
Yeah, right, yeah.
I've been
figuring, you know?
I got these tunes I composed
for the Cicely gig, you know?
Uh-huh.
And all the choreography, right? Right.
Well, maybe this cultural
tradeoff thing is...
Maybe it's just, like,
a bit small, really.
I mean, in metal you do
everything big, right?
Yep. Big stage.
Big sound.
Big hair.
Yeah.
And even though this Alaska place
is big, the planet is even bigger.
I mean, the planet, it's
big, it's round, it's...
Global?
So I thought, if the planet
is so totally global...
why limit yourself,
right?
Right.
Yeah!
So I called Mink,
and I said, "Phase two...
"Bonner, the early
middle years, global. "
I'm going Slavic
for this unity gig...
this Commonwealth of the
Independent... something or other.
We're gonna plug
into peace, right?
And rock out.
Sounds like
a very worthwhile idea.
It is a very
worthwhile idea, Eddie.
And I'm gonna need all the
film you shot. You will?
Yeah. For the intro
of my big global piece.
Wait a minute. You want to
use my stuff for your intro?
"Brad Bonner, Global. "
Well, all right!
Mind you, we are talking
about a one-shot buyout.
No residuals, or
anything like that. Yeah?
Yeah. Hey!
Hey!
Chris?
Chris?
I'm down here.
Hi.
Hi. What are you doing?
Just...
wanted to get down in here,
you know, feel for myself. See.
See what it's like
to be six feet under...
where Tooley'd be
spending eternity.
How is it?
Cold.
And dark. Even with the top
open like it is, it's dark.
Well, Chris, are you
coming out of there?
Oh, I suppose.
It's just the spirit taking
wing, the heart shutting down.
It's all so biological,
you know? I can handle that.
But releasing Tooley, letting
go of the man? That's hard.
I like having him
around again.
I don't want him
to move on.
I guess Tooley wants that,
though, you know?
To be let go.
I just...
don't know how I'm gonna
know how to do it right.
You won't.
He did.
Yeah, Chris,
but Tooley can't tell you.
What am I gonna do?
What do you want to do?
Shel...
Brad's booking out on us.
I hope that makes you happy.
I'm fixing him some munchies
for the road...
if that doesn't
embarrass you too much.
No, I think that's
real neighborly.
Can I help you
with that?
I don't really think it takes
two people to pack a lunch.
Hello, Holling.
Ed. Brad.
Hey, has my ride
shown up yet?
I haven't
seen anybody.
Oh.
Well, I'll take a quart of tequila
for the road, two limes, and some salt.
I'll see what I've got back
there that hasn't been opened.
Oops, hey, Shelly.
I wrapped up some food and
stuff, in case you get hungry.
Hey, all right!
Chow!
And I made this card for you.
I did the picture myself.
Cool.
"The moon tonight,
it don't hear you talking...
"the man at the door,
he can't hear you knocking...
"so what's there to do
but just keep on rocking?"
Hey, that's deep.
Did you write that?
You did.
Yeah, right.
Here you go. Last of the
lot. It's on the house.
Hey, thanks.
Sorry, no limes.
And Brad, I just couldn't keep this.
Not that you probably don't have
a million more just like it...
but I just couldn't.
I kiped it.
Well, that's very
something of you.
Do you have to go so soon?
Well, yeah.
Got this Commonwealth
gig thing to do in...
Europe.
Yeah, whatever.
And I can't waste
any more time...
messing around here,
you know?
Got the world to save, man.
Rock on.
Hey, right on!
Absolutely!
I think that guy over there's
looking for you, Brad.
Oh, right.
So keep rocking, and I'll see
you in the record stores. Yeah!
Bye.
Bye.
Brad! Wait a sec.
You forgot your food.
Oh, yeah,
right. Thanks.
Bye.
Now it's just gonna be
Cicely again.
Just plain old Cicely.
Day after Christmas doesn't
even feel this glumpy.
This was his, Shelly.
Thanks, Ed.
Wanna thank everybody
for showing up today...
and I apologize for
leaving you all hanging
back at my
funeral-by-the-book.
I may have fizzled, but as the
stalwart Scot Robert Burns said...
"Try, try again. "
And seeing how this release
we've arranged for Tooley today...
was inspired
by Maggie O'Connell...
I've asked her to come up
here and say a few words.
Maggie?
Thanks, Chris.
Well...
you know,
I don't know...
if I've ever had any
real heroes in my life.
Maybe Amelia Earhart, Georgia
O'Keefe, Chrissie Evert.
But they were
more influences.
But with Tooley...
Chris had a real-life hero.
Real flesh and blood.
Someone who taught him,
inspired him.
Someone he could
point to and say...
"I want to have
his wisdom, his courage.
"I want to be
just like that. "
You're a lucky guy.
Thanks.
Ten centuries back...
the fallen Viking warrior was let go...
released to his second death
adrift a burning boat, solo...
his helmet and his shield across
his strapping barrel chest.
Tooley wasn't
Scandinavian, exactly...
but he did embody the spirit and
the physique of the mighty Norseman.
And true, we don't have a boat to
set aflame, but we have the fling...
which Webster's describes as
a brief time of wild pleasures.
In just a handful
of seconds...
Tooley is going to experience
things we can only imagine.
He's gonna soar
like an albatross...
and plunge like a grayling
into the crystal waters...
to start on a fling
of his own...
to places that we can only
ponder in the daylight...
and experience in our dreams.
You ready, Ed?
Ready!
In another life, my friend.
Look at this. Pelle the
Conqueror in the C's. Really.
Where do you keep
the dental floss?
Oh, it's down here.
Do you like waxed
or unwaxed?
What's the difference?
Depends on how close
together your teeth are.
Oh, I almost forgot.
You got a package.
Package? Mmm-hmm. COD. It's out back.
Here it is.
This is for me?
Yep.
What is it?
Well, at first I thought
it was a mistake.
Jolly McDermott's snowmobile chassis
come in a box just this size...
but he ship them by rail,
and this came by truck.
O'Toole?
Hey, it's from Tooley.
Friend of yours?
Yeah.
It looks as if it could be a
wardrobe or maybe a refrigerator.
Whatever it is,
it weighs a ton.
It's human remains.
What?
You mean a body?
Yeah.
Whose body?
His.
Excuse me.
How you doing?
Morning, friend.
Morning.
Can I get you something?
Where am I?
You're at The Brick.
The Brick?
In Sicily, right?
Yes, sir.
Well, where's the beach and all
the red-checkered tablecloths...
Cinzano umbrellas
and olives and that?
You did say Sicily, right?
Alaska.
Alaska.
Of course, Alaska.
I mean, if I was
in "Sicily" Sicily...
you'd be speaking in Italian,
now wouldn't you, eh?
I guess.
Alaska.
That's cool.
Bears, penguins, pipelines.
Have you got a phone here?
Yes. Right around the bar,
just beyond the pool table.
Can you do me a favor?
If a guy called Mink...
who's supposed to be an
artist's manager, calls for me...
tell him to get lost, okay?
Mink?
I mean, hey, man...
a guy gives you his word...
makes you a promise, he's
supposed to follow through, right?
Without question.
Right. Totally.
So if he calls, I don't even
want to know about it, okay?
All right. And if this
Mr. Mink calls...
who will he
be asking for?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, how about
that drink, then, eh?
Tequila and OJ.
I'll see
what I can round up.
So this is Tooley, huh?
Yep.
You guys were good friends?
Oh, man, the best.
Since way back in JD.
We lived off and on
together since, you know.
We were living in an abandoned
boxcar when he told me about Sartre.
Sartre?
Yeah.
Really? Yeah, don't let
the clothes fool you.
That there is
a real Renaissance man.
Philosopher, artist,
musician extraordinaire.
You know,
after our Soo Line days...
we were living in Skokie, in a
halfway house for about a year.
And he picked up
the blues harp.
Man, he could
wail that thing.
You see this tattoo right
here on his left arm? Uh-huh.
Well, most people think that the
ink-pricker misspelled murder...
but, actually,
back in Kentucky...
there was this one filly
he always kept his eye on.
Always came in dead last,
right? Unless it was raining.
Then his mudder
would skate right in...
you know, while the others
slogged along.
How come you never
talked about him?
Well, he was a big part
of my life, you know?
I mean,
a major influence.
The things we shared,
the things Tooley taught me...
I guess bringing him up
was too personal.
So what did he want you to do
with him? Bury him, I suppose.
He didn't leave
a note or anything?
No, we kind of had a
pact. You had a pact?
Yeah, it's
all kind of hazy...
but last time I saw him,
he was herding sheep...
and we were sitting up on this big hill
drinking a 12-pack of malt liquor...
and a pint of sloe gin,
you know...
contemplating
our own mortality...
and we said something about
doing right by each other.
Seems simple enough.
Yeah, you'd think.
But then again, Tooley worked on
a whole lot of different levels.
A complex individual.
Yeah.
Hello, darling. Do you
got any Ernie Balls? Who?
Ernie Balls. You know,
electric guitar strings?
No, I'm afraid I don't
have any Ernie Balls.
How about some picks?
You know, any kind.
Polymer, nylon,
Plexi, agate.
I'll go see
what I can find.
I'll have to check
downstairs. Be right back.
You wanna toss me
some of those matches, love?
Yeah, you. Matches.
I must have left me lighter
at The Brick. Silly sod.
Are you in detox?
Oh, you're one of
those... Sign language?
No.
No. No, my name's
Shelly Tambo.
Tambo?
Yeah.
Did I do you
on the Wonderland tour?
Uh-uh. But I'm
one of your biggest fans!
I've got all your
records and everything.
Cool.
I've always wanted to ask
you this one question...
but I never thought I'd get the chance
to meet you face to face like this.
Oh, shoot. It's about
the cover of Metal Image.
You and the band were dressed
in your usual gig stuff.
The chains and the
leather and stuff. Yeah.
Except you were wearing
a smiley-face button.
Remember?
Only it was upside-down.
Well, was it because an
upside-down smile's a frown?
I thought maybe that was it
because you lost Freddy...
as soon as
the album cover came out.
Freddy?
Your first drummer.
Freddy Bonner?
Your twin?
Oh, him.
You know, that cheeky little
sod wanted a trap solo...
somewhere in every set
we did!
Diabolical liberty.
And I'll tell you, man, if he
hadn't ditched the band first...
I think I would have seriously
considered booting him out.
I'm sorry, but all I could find
was a couple of old banjo picks.
You can have them
if you want them.
Oh, thanks, man.
They're awful dusty.
Hey, you haven't got a...
a doctor or something around
here, have you? Mmm-hmm.
Dr. Fleischman's office is just
down the street. You can't miss it.
Later.
Bye.
Hey.
Morning.
Indian?
Uh-huh.
For real?
Uh-huh.
Whoa! That's karma, man, you know,
'cause I really dig the Indian sound.
Those tom-toms,
wooden flutes...
those gourd pipes, drums.
Totally cool.
Do you play?
Piano.
No drums? I have friends who play drums.
Really?
Hey, Marilyn...
Hi, can I help you?
Yeah, but if I take my shirt off,
it'll have to be between you and me...
'cause I haven't had
my chest waxed in weeks.
Oh, well...
it's not a problem for me,
mister...
I like this guy.
Brad Bonner.
He plays guitar.
Now, you say the tingling
occurs in the thumb...
and the first three fingers,
right? Yeah, basically, yeah.
And sometimes when I'm on stage,
it goes to sleep on me, you know?
And it really screws up
my hammer-ons.
Your what?
Hammer-ons.
You know, Eddie's big thing
on the Van Halen album? No.
Blew all the wannabes away.
You know, the...
Oh, yeah. I see what you mean.
Well, does that cause any numbness...
in your thumb or your palm?
Oh, yeah. Well, that's it.
And I told Mink
about this a month ago...
and he just told me to stop
sleeping with my hands under my butt.
Right. Well,
what's going on here is...
the ligaments in your wrist
are swollen, okay...
and they're impinging
on the medium nerve.
Now, it's actually called
carpal tunnel syndrome.
Now you say you play the guitar,
right? Yeah, you could say that.
Well, how do you hold the
instrument when you play? Show me.
Oh, well, look, right there.
I mean, at the height
you're holding it...
you have to fold
your wrist over to play.
You gotta try and keep that
in a neutral position, okay?
You understand?
No.
Like higher.
Like, say, chest level.
Like here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
The look's all wrong, man.
No.
Okay. All right.
Maybe it wasn't
the axe at all.
Maybe it was the dogs.
The dogs?
Yeah.
I had these dogs,
you see. Great Danes.
They used to yank
like hell on the leash...
and I really banged up
my hands, man.
Well, what happened to them?
Let me have your wrist.
Set them free.
Free?
Yeah, you know,
like in the lion movie.
Right.
This obviously may not be the
look you're after, either...
but it should do
the trick.
Now, just wear it
throughout the day...
and especially
when you "rock out. "
I like it.
It's got that real
Road Warrior look, man.
Yeah.
Dateline:
Mesopotamia, 3,500 B.C.
That's when the multifaceted
sounds we call music...
got its humble beginnings.
It seems clappers were sent out to
the fields to scare evil spirits away.
And these clappers started getting
into the beat of their duties.
And, bingo, you have drums. From
there, horns, reeds, strings...
and the whole
orchestral gestalt.
So born in
staving off death...
music continues to nourish
us in a variety of forms...
as different as the colors
on the spectrum.
And riding high on that metal
wavelength of the spectrum...
is the one and only
Brad Bonner...
lead vocalist and axeman for
the band Serpent Cathedral.
Welcome, Brad.
How's it going?
It's going good, thanks.
It's a long way from the lute
to the screaming Stratocaster.
Who were some of your influences?
Where do you come from?
Musically?
Chili Peppers, U2...
Pearl Jam's okay.
Well, considering your heavy
distortion grunge sound...
I was wondering if maybe you were
influenced by some of the greats...
like Hendrix
or Tommy Bolin.
Hendrix?
Mmm-hmm.
Purple Haze?
Woodstock?
The Star Spangled Banner?
You know, headband?
Oh, black dude, right?
He wrote The Star-Spangled
Banner, didn't he?
Uh, no.
Oh, whatever.
You see, Chris, I make a point
of never listening to music...
released before 1987,
anyway.
You see, my sound comes
from deep inside of me...
and I don't like to pollute
my musical groundwater.
Right. Right.
How long are you gonna stay
in our fair flower of a city?
Well, until last night
I didn't think...
I could get out of
here fast enough. Yeah?
Oh, yeah,
but that's all changed now.
Oh, really? Yeah. I've had
this great idea for a gig.
In Cicely?
Alaska.
Except it won't be like your ordinary,
everyday, standard rock fest. No way.
This is going to be something
deeper. Very, very deep.
A kind of cultural...
Oh, a great cultural...
Significance?
Totally significant.
Mmm!
It's just gonna
be me, right...
and some Indian drummers
rocking out...
like a real meeting
of the musical minds.
Real cultural exchange
kind of stuff.
Well, that's great.
I can't wait to hear that.
This next cut I'm going to play
is for my visiting friend Tooley.
A new sound,
for these airwaves at least.
The title track off of
Cathedral's Mondo Rondo LP...
titled, you got it,
Mondo Rondo.
Hey, crank it up!
Excuse me!
Sir? Mr. Bonner?
Mr. Bonner?
Hi, I'm Ed.
I just heard you on
the radio. C, G, B-flat.
C... Have you got a pen on you,
man? Something to write with?
No.
C, G...
Can you
remember something?
C...
G...
Oh.
B- flat.
B- flat.
Got it.
You know, I heard you were gonna
be playing with some Indians...
and what I'd really
like to do is film it.
No can do, man.
I want that thing to be pure.
No MTV stuff.
Like a cultural,
you know, tradeoff.
No, like cameras and lights will just,
you know, mess up the purity of it.
I can shoot it ambient.
Ambient?
Yep. That's without lights.
Yeah, but ambient's
without lights. Right.
It wouldn't cost you anything. No?
No. The Coast Guard
down to Yakataga...
they were gonna get rid of
all of their 16mm film stock...
but instead of dumping it,
they gave it to me.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Well, maybe we could get the
whole thing down on film, you know?
Maybe it wouldn't mess up the
balance of the cultural thing...
'cause that's
mega-important to me.
You know?
Balance, culture, media.
Robert Flaherty did it
once before, up here.
Nanook of the North. 1922.
Oh, it's been done?
Sort of.
That was a film.
Oh.
Well, maybe we could expand
the performance thing, you know?
Show how I came up
with the idea...
do a bit of background on
how all that came up, and...
So it's like a sort of
Cicely solo tour about me...
but about me
in Alaska. Yeah?
Yeah.
You know, I think there's too
much stuff here just for a video.
It's much bigger than that.
I think it's feature
length. Like that...
Like that Madonna thing.
Truth or Dare.
Yeah, except this will be
about something, you know?
Like We Are the World.
But instead of
40 guys singing...
it'll just be
me and the Indians, right?
Sort of a...
I Am the World.
Yeah!
Yeah!
I Am the World.
Yeah.
Yeah!
I got a big problem
here, Tooley.
I mean, I got options, but
the pieces don't wanna fit.
Option number one:
cremation?
I mean, you're a well-traveled
guy. Where am I gonna spread you?
Burial at sea. Okay, that's
a nice choice. Burial at sea.
But there's seven of them.
Which one am I gonna choose?
Mummification.
Now that's interesting...
but seeing how the cult of
Osiris is history, man...
there's nobody left
to do it up right.
Plus, I probably couldn't get the palm
wine and spices for the job, anyway.
You see, each answer only
rattles the question harder.
Hey, Chris.
Hey, Brad. Ed.
Hey, Chris.
What are you guys doing
out this way?
I heard you had
a dead guy out here, Chris.
You know, I thought
I'd do the real thing.
Stop by, have a look at
him, pay my last respects.
You know, that whole scene. Oh,
yeah. Well, thanks. I appreciate that.
Okay, Eddie,
I think you should get...
a shot of me
and the dead guy, here.
Tooley.
You know, name's Tooley.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Me and Tooley...
and bring Chris in
as well, yeah?
Okay, Eddie,
here we go.
Death. What a scam, eh?
You know, society wants us to buy
into that whole dead-and-gone routine.
Right.
Well, it all started coming together
for me when I was a punk, really.
You know, I had this idea
that, like, when you kicked...
your spirit got, like, booted into,
like, machines, engines, you know?
But then I got hip
to the idea...
it's way more than that, man.
I mean...
what comes down
when you die...
is that you end up in the
thing you dug the most...
before you died.
Right. Right, right, right.
Huh?
Yeah, like, so, little itsy bits of me
will end up, like, in my humbuckers, man...
and in my strings
and out there...
with all the Cathedral
punters in the world, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Like,
what your slant is, is...
we all get, like, fragmented,
redistributed, yeah?
Like a chain letter.
Right.
Whatever.
Maurice, maybe you can help shed
some light on something for me.
I mean, you being a former
national hero and all...
you've probably been the
object of some female adoration.
Hey, you got
that right.
Four in the side pocket
over there.
You see, it's Shelly.
Oh?
Yeah, this Brad fella.
I've never seen her
quite like this.
It's like she's under some
sort of spell or something.
Yeah, I've noticed.
You have?
Uh-huh.
And "spell," that's a
very apt way of putting it.
Put the five down there.
There we go.
It's a very interesting phenomenon
to witness, especially firsthand.
What is?
The effect that a public celebrity
can have on the fairer sex.
A woman that's
God-fearing, church-going...
with a Puritan demeanor,
and a husband to boot...
can suddenly,
like that...
be turned into
a libidinous sex fiend.
A sex fiend?
Yeah.
I've often wondered
why women feel...
that it's important to have sexual
intercourse with a famous man.
Five in the corner
over there.
Damn.
I think maybe
it could be...
they feel that notoriety
might rub off on them.
Or it could be a basic
biological drive.
You know,
that Darwinian stuff.
Procreation with the alpha
male, that sort of thing.
I never came to
a satisfactory answer.
But I had a hell
of a lot of fun!
Your shot.
Now, I realize
that your taste in vino...
never quite made it past the
screw-top variety, Tooley...
but all Ruth-Anne had was
this here cooking sherry.
Salutes, chalutes.
Down the hatch.
Hey, that's not bad.
Reminds me of that stuff we used to
ferment in the old squirt bottles. Remember?
Ah! Our meal sizzles!
Remember that night
we were out by the belt line?
We had that campfire going...
and I was gonna whip up
the world-famous Chris Burger?
You told me that two pounds of ground
beef would never cook even. Remember that?
Would I listen? There was the
Chris Burger on the open flame...
charcoal black on the outside,
red raw on the inside...
just like you said, man.
I knew I needed
that little something extra...
that little something special that
was gonna make it uniquely mine.
So I basted
my culinary delight...
with the only hooch
that we had handy.
Man, if you hadn't grabbed me by my
Levi's when that Everclear went up...
I'd have been burned black as my
boots. A regular Crispy Critter.
Just one of the many times
you saved my ass.
Soup's on.
What am I gonna do
with you, Tooley?
Good evening, sir.
The Nazarene party, yeah?
Could be. I'm not really
sure. Right this way.
Here we are.
Oh, I don't want to take
somebody's seat.
Oh, feel free to sit.
Yeah, it's all right.
You sure?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Thank you. Tight fit.
Care for a cocktail
or to see the wine list?
Do you have anything on tap? Afraid not.
Try the '05 Gethsemane
Private Reserve Cab.
It's drinking very well now.
Goes nicely with the shank
of lamb and bitter herbs.
I'll try that.
Peter.
Chris.
That's James.
Hi.
Philip, Matthew,
Mark, Luke, John.
Matthew, Mark, Luke and...
John.
John. You guys aren't...
Nah.
So, Chris,
what brings you here?
Not the sweetbreads,
I hope.
No. I have a dead friend
I need to bury.
You want the meaning of
life. Yeah. I think so.
Came to the right place.
Hey, guys,
dinner's on me tonight.
Unleavened bread?
Sure. Why not?
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, thanks. Yeah,
I like that. Great.
Thanks, thanks...
Thanks, Jim.
Riveting stuff, man.
Top-notch.
Thanks, wow.
Marilyn?
Next.
Come on in, Don.
Are there any calls for me?
No.
Good. Okay, this is Don Clearwater.
Hi, Don.
Marilyn.
And, well, he does weddings,
hunting ceremonies, harvests.
Cool, man. Yeah.
Christmas and Easter,
I do a special program...
over at Redeemer Baptist
Church in Sleetmute.
Just a minute, now.
Before we get started...
Ed?
I just gotta say that I'm way into this
thing we're gonna do together, you know?
I mean, you and me, we're not
that different, really, are we?
I mean, you people wear
skins, I wear skins.
I dig music,
you dig music.
It's gonna be
a real gas tomorrow, man.
So let's hear
what you're gonna do. Yeah?
No. Whoa, whoa. Cut!
Cut. Cut. Eddie, cut!
Eddie.
He's really good, huh?
Yeah. He's good, yeah.
He's tall.
Huh?
How tall?
I don't know.
Taller than me?
A little.
Hey, thanks
for stopping by, man.
That was totally cool.
Cheers.
Bye, Don.
Bye, Marilyn.
Yeah, well, thanks for
coming, Don. See you, Ed.
Marilyn?
There are a dozen people
with drums lined up out here.
It's auditions.
Auditions?
Yeah, we needed
a little private space...
to check out some
of the local trapsmen, man.
"Trapsmen"?
Uh-huh.
Drummers.
You were out to lunch.
Look, this is a doctor's office, okay?
Sick people come here for treatment.
What about my patients?
You don't have any.
Yes, well, I might.
Ed, would you stop?
All right. All right, obviously
I'm not gonna win this one.
Okay, 20 minutes. You have 20
minutes, then I want my office back.
Thanks, Dr. Fleischman.
Marilyn?
Next!
Hey! Chris!
Hey, Joel.
Did you know that when
one of their slaves died...
the ancient Gauls would dig a
hole in the ground, a big shaft...
put the body in, standing
straight up and down?
Who did that?
The Gauls.
Is there any choice of final
internment for the Hebrew world?
Well, as a matter
of fact, yes.
The basic burial is
your primary choice.
In the ground?
Within two days.
Which is actually why
I wanted to talk to you...
regarding you friend
and his casket.
Tooley.
Right.
I just don't want to have any
knee-jerk decisions being made.
You know, eternal rest isn't
something you should rush into.
No, no, I understand...
But unfortunately, in the eyes of
the Attorney General's office, it is.
If Tooley wasn't embalmed, you'd have to
have him in the ground within 24 hours.
Shoddily embalmed,
you have 48 to 72 max.
Seeing as how he was obviously dead
before he mailed himself to you...
I'd say we're pushing it.
I know. I know.
Well, it's my responsibility to
tell you that aside from the law...
we have certain
health risks to consider.
I mean, look, a body begins breaking
down as soon as a person dies, and...
Granted, in Tooley's case it's
been slowed down a little...
but, I mean, eventually...
Put it this way. Unless you know the
entire medical history of the deceased...
you can unwittingly transmit
any number of things.
It could be hepatitis, or
- What you're saying is...
sooner than later
on this deal.
This is
what I'm saying.
You're right.
Okay. Thank you.
A one, two, a one,
two, three, four!
Oi, Ed! Big guitar solo coming up.
Whoa! Yeah! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
That's gonna be bitchin' tomorrow,
man. That's so totally cool!
Now, look, seeing as I'm
on a wireless thing here...
maybe during your solo, I could,
like, bounce back and mingle?
You know, make that
exchange a bit more upfront.
Okay.
And maybe while I'm grooving
your sound, I can, you know...
bang something, like maybe
one of them things, yeah?
That's cool. Cheers.
All right, then?
From the top.
A one, two,
a one, two, three, four!
Are you coming in
to bed, Shel?
In a minute.
You think I blew it?
It's nice. Not a wrinkle.
Maybe I should have kept it all
sweaty and grody like he left it.
He?
Brad wears this on his arm for when
he's sweating like a pig on stage.
He wipes his face with it.
He gave you
his dirty hanky?
Well...
I was clearing his table, and so
I sort of put a dirty plate on it.
Okay, so I kiped it.
You stole it?
Well, yeah, I guess.
Shel, I must say...
I don't much
like the way you...
Well, the way
you've been acting.
I know I shouldn't have
swiped it, Holling...
but it was his hanky!
And it was just
sitting there.
What? Shel, from the moment
Brad came into Cicely...
you've been following him
around like he's the lead dog.
So?
People are noticing.
People?
I'm noticing and...
well...
You're jealous.
No, I'm not
jealous, I'm...
I'm embarrassed.
Embarrassed?
Shel, you and I are
practically husband and wife.
So what?
So, if you behave
unseemly...
it's unbecoming
to you, and...
it reflects poorly on me.
Are you trying to tell me
that if I act like a dork...
people are gonna think
you're a dork? Well...
Well, la-dee-da!
Too bad for you.
Shelly,
I'm not implying that...
You just got to understand-
Well, you just
get this!
I'm me, Holling,
not you.
This is my life, and if
I'm some kind of skeeze...
then that's my problem, not
your problem, not anybody else's.
Shelly...
And if that's unseemly
or unbecoming...
well, I'm just sorry
you see it that way.
Thank you, Marilyn.
That was really nice.
And thank you all for coming
out here on such short notice.
We had to kind of hurry this
thing along, so thank you again...
and let's just
get on with it.
We are gathered here today to mourn
the passing of Brian Grady O'Toole.
Tooley was born
of good Irish stock...
down in the vicinity
of New Orleans, Louisiana.
He's survived, last I heard, by his
mother, seven brothers, and two sisters.
Even though he left the family
nest at the tender age of 11...
Tooley was instilled with a
good sense of family values...
and those values stayed with him,
I'm sure, until his final days.
Final days which came way too soon,
believe me, ladies and gentlemen.
And...
for the people
who remember him...
the most fondly...
I can't do this.
I can't. It just doesn't
feel right, you know?
I mean, I've known this guy my whole
life, almost, and this is crazy.
Hey! Hey, Ed!
Hey, Brad.
You made it.
Doing all right, man.
But I tell you what...
have to wait all bleeding
day for a cab round here.
My feet are killing me.
So, where are my
skin-pounders, then, man?
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, Brad.
Hey, Eddie,
before I forget...
the post-show meet-and-greet
party, I'd like you to film that.
'Cause the fans, they get
totally out of control, you know?
Yeah, I bet.
See, that's the thing.
Brad, there's not gonna be a
meet-and-greet after the show.
Huh?
Because there's not
gonna be a show.
Say what?
You see, the Indians won't
play with you anymore.
They don't want to play with me? Uh-uh.
They said you're very good...
but you're like a pebble.
I'm like a pebble?
A pebble in a shoe.
They said I'm like a pebble in a shoe?
Yeah.
That's it? I'm like a pebble in a shoe?
Great.
I guess this means you're
gonna pull the plug on the film.
Yeah.
Great. Wonderful. A bloody
pebble in a bloody shoe.
That's wonderful.
Last week, we're down
at the Sea of Galilee...
and he says, "I know this
great spot for carp."
We cast our nets...
and sit there all day
in that blinding sun.
What do we get?
Bupkis!
That's why they call it
fishing, not catching.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys are all fishermen? Most of us.
Luke's a physician.
Matt's a tax gatherer.
And Philip,
he's a...
blacksmith?
Shepherd.
Well...
fun's fun, but tomorrow's a workday.
Chris, it's been
a pleasure.
If you ever make it
to Bethany, look me up.
Okay, Peter. I'll do that. You bet.
Take care.
He's a nice guy.
You know, you wanna do some real fishing,
you guys ought to come up to Alaska.
We got king salmon there,
barndoor halibut... Shh.
Show's starting.
What show?
Good evening, ladies and
brethren, and welcome.
Now I want you to all
kick off your sandals...
and lay back...
Tooley?
...'cause it's showtime at
the Last Supper Club. Hey! Hey!
That's my friend Tooley.
That's my friend...
Tooley! It's me Chris,
your buddy!
Hey, hey, hey! He can't
hear you. He's dead.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Now, I'm hip to the fact...
that there's a dude
in the audience...
that's breaking his eyeteeth
over the meaning of life.
That's me. That's me.
He's talking about me.
Well, buddy.
Let me tell you about
the meaning of life.
Tell us, baby. Tell us.
It ain't love.
"Love"
It ain't beauty.
" Love "
It ain't the whole truth
and nothing but the truth!
Tell us, baby.
Tell us
Well, if you really
want to know...
the meaning of life...
"Just take those old records
off the shelf"
"I'll sit and listen
to them by myself"
"Today's music
ain't got the same soul"
"I like that old time
rock and roll"
"Don't try to take me
to a disco"
"You'll never even get me
out on the floor"
"In 10 minutes
I'll be late for the door"
"I like that old time
rock and roll"
"Still like that old time
rock and roll"
"That kind of music
just soothes my soul"
"I reminisce
about the days of old"
"With that old time
rock and roll"
You know...
maybe you could cut
Brad's footage together...
with the stuff you shot on that
anthropologist who visited last spring.
Start a "Interesting People
I Have Known" sort of thing.
Nope.
This was supposed to be
one man's vision of...
you know, breaking
that culture barrier.
Sort of like Fitzcarraldo,
music instead of a boat.
And...
Well, something
like that...
you just couldn't cut it
together with anything else.
Well, I'm sure
something will come up.
Greta needs this stuff before
noon, so you'd better get a move on.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Eddie! Been
looking for you, man.
You have?
Yeah, right, yeah.
I've been
figuring, you know?
I got these tunes I composed
for the Cicely gig, you know?
Uh-huh.
And all the choreography, right? Right.
Well, maybe this cultural
tradeoff thing is...
Maybe it's just, like,
a bit small, really.
I mean, in metal you do
everything big, right?
Yep. Big stage.
Big sound.
Big hair.
Yeah.
And even though this Alaska place
is big, the planet is even bigger.
I mean, the planet, it's
big, it's round, it's...
Global?
So I thought, if the planet
is so totally global...
why limit yourself,
right?
Right.
Yeah!
So I called Mink,
and I said, "Phase two...
"Bonner, the early
middle years, global. "
I'm going Slavic
for this unity gig...
this Commonwealth of the
Independent... something or other.
We're gonna plug
into peace, right?
And rock out.
Sounds like
a very worthwhile idea.
It is a very
worthwhile idea, Eddie.
And I'm gonna need all the
film you shot. You will?
Yeah. For the intro
of my big global piece.
Wait a minute. You want to
use my stuff for your intro?
"Brad Bonner, Global. "
Well, all right!
Mind you, we are talking
about a one-shot buyout.
No residuals, or
anything like that. Yeah?
Yeah. Hey!
Hey!
Chris?
Chris?
I'm down here.
Hi.
Hi. What are you doing?
Just...
wanted to get down in here,
you know, feel for myself. See.
See what it's like
to be six feet under...
where Tooley'd be
spending eternity.
How is it?
Cold.
And dark. Even with the top
open like it is, it's dark.
Well, Chris, are you
coming out of there?
Oh, I suppose.
It's just the spirit taking
wing, the heart shutting down.
It's all so biological,
you know? I can handle that.
But releasing Tooley, letting
go of the man? That's hard.
I like having him
around again.
I don't want him
to move on.
I guess Tooley wants that,
though, you know?
To be let go.
I just...
don't know how I'm gonna
know how to do it right.
You won't.
He did.
Yeah, Chris,
but Tooley can't tell you.
What am I gonna do?
What do you want to do?
Shel...
Brad's booking out on us.
I hope that makes you happy.
I'm fixing him some munchies
for the road...
if that doesn't
embarrass you too much.
No, I think that's
real neighborly.
Can I help you
with that?
I don't really think it takes
two people to pack a lunch.
Hello, Holling.
Ed. Brad.
Hey, has my ride
shown up yet?
I haven't
seen anybody.
Oh.
Well, I'll take a quart of tequila
for the road, two limes, and some salt.
I'll see what I've got back
there that hasn't been opened.
Oops, hey, Shelly.
I wrapped up some food and
stuff, in case you get hungry.
Hey, all right!
Chow!
And I made this card for you.
I did the picture myself.
Cool.
"The moon tonight,
it don't hear you talking...
"the man at the door,
he can't hear you knocking...
"so what's there to do
but just keep on rocking?"
Hey, that's deep.
Did you write that?
You did.
Yeah, right.
Here you go. Last of the
lot. It's on the house.
Hey, thanks.
Sorry, no limes.
And Brad, I just couldn't keep this.
Not that you probably don't have
a million more just like it...
but I just couldn't.
I kiped it.
Well, that's very
something of you.
Do you have to go so soon?
Well, yeah.
Got this Commonwealth
gig thing to do in...
Europe.
Yeah, whatever.
And I can't waste
any more time...
messing around here,
you know?
Got the world to save, man.
Rock on.
Hey, right on!
Absolutely!
I think that guy over there's
looking for you, Brad.
Oh, right.
So keep rocking, and I'll see
you in the record stores. Yeah!
Bye.
Bye.
Brad! Wait a sec.
You forgot your food.
Oh, yeah,
right. Thanks.
Bye.
Now it's just gonna be
Cicely again.
Just plain old Cicely.
Day after Christmas doesn't
even feel this glumpy.
This was his, Shelly.
Thanks, Ed.
Wanna thank everybody
for showing up today...
and I apologize for
leaving you all hanging
back at my
funeral-by-the-book.
I may have fizzled, but as the
stalwart Scot Robert Burns said...
"Try, try again. "
And seeing how this release
we've arranged for Tooley today...
was inspired
by Maggie O'Connell...
I've asked her to come up
here and say a few words.
Maggie?
Thanks, Chris.
Well...
you know,
I don't know...
if I've ever had any
real heroes in my life.
Maybe Amelia Earhart, Georgia
O'Keefe, Chrissie Evert.
But they were
more influences.
But with Tooley...
Chris had a real-life hero.
Real flesh and blood.
Someone who taught him,
inspired him.
Someone he could
point to and say...
"I want to have
his wisdom, his courage.
"I want to be
just like that. "
You're a lucky guy.
Thanks.
Ten centuries back...
the fallen Viking warrior was let go...
released to his second death
adrift a burning boat, solo...
his helmet and his shield across
his strapping barrel chest.
Tooley wasn't
Scandinavian, exactly...
but he did embody the spirit and
the physique of the mighty Norseman.
And true, we don't have a boat to
set aflame, but we have the fling...
which Webster's describes as
a brief time of wild pleasures.
In just a handful
of seconds...
Tooley is going to experience
things we can only imagine.
He's gonna soar
like an albatross...
and plunge like a grayling
into the crystal waters...
to start on a fling
of his own...
to places that we can only
ponder in the daylight...
and experience in our dreams.
You ready, Ed?
Ready!
In another life, my friend.