Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 4, Episode 24 - Sleeping with the Enemy - full transcript

Maurice,
what do you want?

Ron around? I need
to ask him a favor.

Ron? Guess who!

Oh, it's you, Maurice.

Listen, if you're here to
dicker about our charges-

No, Maurice has had a change of
heart about the Casablanca lilies.

So, you're here
to apologize.

Well...
No.

He needs a favor.
Oh.

I seem to remember that...

you did a tour of duty in Korea
while you were in the Corps.



I was up on the DMZ.
What of it?

Well, my son, Duk Won,
is coming over from Seoul.

We need
a translator.

Seems he's getting married and
he's bringing his fiancée over here.

There's some sort of
an oriental dealie-wog...

about getting my approval
for the marriage.

Oh, so Duk Won is of
traditional ways. A Confucian.

Hell, I don't know
what he is.

I don't even know why he's coming
over here. I mean, I cut him in...

for a good portion
of the will.

Maybe he wants
a cash advance.

Always looking for that
hidden agenda, huh, Maurice?

Oh, come on, Erick.

The boy's 42 years old.



He's crossing five time zones
and the International Date Line...

to ask Dad's permission
to marry.

Now, you don't have to be a paranoid to
know he's got some other kimchi to pickle.

So, what do you say?
You gonna help me or not?

I'll see if
my dance card's full.

My house, 1100 hours.

Try and act normal.

Sunny specials,
spuds and links.

But, guys, next time
get 'em over, will you?

The yellow goo gives me
the whoopsies.

Hi, there.

What did you do, man, order every
catalog and magazine in North America?

Whopper! They're here!

Modern Maternity,
Stroller World, Play.

That's for later.
Play.

"Playgroup Aggression.
When to Step In. "

Maggie, these rags are jammed packed
with the inside mommying stuff.

Listen, I know you're not
getting it regular anymore...

but if you ever
snag somebody again...

you've gotta go
for the preggers gig.

I mean, you should get a load of what's
going on under this momhood muumuu.

My nips are as big as
double-drop chocolate cookies.

And my boobs! I am bustin'
out of my maxi Maidenforms.

Already? In one month?

Maggie, when the big H
plants a seed, stand back.

Right, Babe?
How's that, Shelly?

Oh, we're just talking
about the little fellow.

Oh, yes. The baby.

Just think, eight and a half more
months and I'm gonna be breaking water.

Eight and a half months.

Time for my knee squats
and bum squeezes.

That's to ease the labor.

Bad news?
Well, I don't know.

I mean...

I'm not sure
what it says.

I mean, well, I kind of
know what it says, but...

Well, I don't know
what it says.

You kinda lost me here.
It's in Tlingit.

That's Indian.
Really?

Yep. Uncle Anku
gave it to me.

I found it when we were
cleaning out his welding shed.

It's a letter his dad wrote to him while
he was in Seattle for his hernia operation.

Look right there.
Space Needle.

Yeah?
Yep.

See, this is the language
of my people, Dr. Fleischman.

Only, I don't know
how to read it.

Of course, neither
can anyone else.

Well, except for
a few old people.

But they only
speak it...

when they don't want the young
people to know what they're saying.

Right.

Huh?

It's Yiddish.
It means the same thing.

It's like, "Shh,
the children are listening. "

I know what you mean, actually.
I'm in the same boat...

when I think about it.

What boat?

Well, there's nobody really
speaks Yiddish anymore, you know?

Except maybe a few alter
kockers on the Lower East Side...

but, you know,
it's mostly Puerto Rican now.

"Alter kocker" is like
"old coot. "

Oh.

But there's not anyone, really,
under 90 that speaks it anymore.

It's a dying language.

You know, just like
your... whatchamacallit.

Languages die? Oh, yeah! You kidding?

I mean, there was this whole Yiddish
culture that's basically dead.

I mean, they had theater, they had
newspapers, they had literature.

I think it's sad,
when you think about it.

You know, a language dies,
a culture just disappears...

and there's just
a little less to pass on.

It just gets smaller and
smaller until there's nothing.

Like The Last
of the Mohicans.

Yeah, I guess, in a
Polish-Jewish sort of way.

Come in, Son.
Let me take a look at you.

You must be Soon Ae.

Ron, take
the little lady's bag.

Father.

Father,
Pak Soon Ae.

I'm very happy
to meet you, my dear.

Welcome to America.

This is Ron Bantz. He'll be
doing the translating honors.

Oh! Well, thank you.

All right, Ron,
can the chit-chat.

Let's get
these people seated...

and let them
wet their whistle.

I'm sure they must be very
thirsty after their long haul.

Of course.

Sit yourselves down.
Take a load off.

Well, Duk...

I laid in a lot of that
diet cherry soda...

that you liked so much
last time you were here.

Thank you, Dad.

So, you two are gonna
get married, huh?

Yes. Yes.

You packed your Samsonites, laid out
a couple of grand for plane fare...

and hauled yourself
halfway around the world...

just to ask for your old man's
blessing. Is that about it?

Blessing.

Yes, blessing.

From where I sit...

she looks fine.
She looks pretty good.

She's got a few curves
for an Asiatic.

Got tiny feet.

She's quiet, I like that.

I would have picked a
younger one if it'd been me.

Of course...

I guess neither one of you
are spring chickens, huh?

Both of you are getting
kind of long in the tooth.

Well, okay.
She looks fine.

Permission granted.

All right, now that
we got that out of the way...

let's get down
to the nitty-gritty.

Now, what
do you want now?

A dowry?

Wedding expenses?
What?

Ron?

No. No!

Ron, what's he
yammering about?

Says they don't want any money.
Says he has everything that he needs.

Well, what the hell
are they doing here, then?

He says he came to ask your
permission to marry Soon Ae.

That's it? That's all?
Permission.

Permission.

Well...

all right. Okay.

You have it.
You have my permission.

Thank you.
Thank you, Daddy.

Joel?
Yeah?

May I have
a moment?

Hey, absolutely.
Sure, Holling. Come on in.

What's up? Well, I have
a problem, Joel. I'm...

I'm stymied.

Stymied? Well, if I may
speak frankly to you...

it's sex.

Sex.

You see, I'm used to
getting it kinda regular.

Well, at least several
times a day, anyway.

Wait a minute.
Hold on, just...

Look, when you say "several,"
what, like, three or more?

Well, average of four.

You're serious?
You're not kidding?

You were really having sex
four times a day?

Well, more during
the winter freeze...

when business was slow.

That's incredible, I mean,
for a man half your age.

What am I saying?
For a teenager! That's...

Day in, day out
for how many years?

Going on three.
Wow.

That's a lot.
Well, Joel...

I was wondering if you might
prescribe me some saltpeter.

Saltpeter?
Sodium nitrate?

Well, the cook used to put it
into the chili in the logging line.

It mellowed
the men down a little.

Look, I'm not gonna dose you
with salts, okay?

And that's an old
wives' tale, all right?

I don't think saltpeter
is your answer, anyway.

But, Joel, what am I gonna do?
I have tried everything.

Well-
I mean...

ice baths, and...

midnight jogs...

I spent an hour and a half in
the walk-in cooler yesterday.

Well, I'll tell you what,
Holling. In my opinion...

I think you should just
talk to Shelly about it.

You mean insist myself
upon her?

No, talk to her.

Tell her how you feel.
As a man.

As an incredibly
robust man.

Yeah?

Maurice? Oh, Ron. Come
on in, take a load off.

Have a piece of candy.
Soon Ae made these.

They're not exactly Hershey bars with
almonds, but they're pretty tasty.

Maurice,
we need to talk.

How about
that son of mine, huh?

Traveled 4,000 miles to ask his old
man if he could marry some old broad.

I'm sorry to have to tell
you this, and I wouldn't...

unless I was absolutely
certain, you know that.

All right. Come on, Bantz. Spit it out.

Soon Ae is
Pak Soon Ye's daughter.

Pak Soon Ye?

Colonel Pak Soon Ye
of North Korea?

That's correct.

You're saying...

that my son's
future bride...

is the daughter
of the Butcher of Yangdok?

That's correct.

That's good, Ron.
That's pretty good.

But you're gonna have
to go some to get me.

After I left here this morning,
something was nagging at me.

I couldn't put
my finger on it.

Then it struck me.

The face. The name.

"Pak Soon Ae,
daughter of Pak Soon Ye.

"Youngest of three
surviving children.

"Employed as
a bookkeeper...

"Hanjon Engineering,
Seoul, South Korea.

"Age, 43. Single. "

Are you saying that that little lady
who's boiling noodles in my kitchen...

is the daughter
of that virulent, murdering...

North Korean pig?

Yes.
Look...

I don't know what goes on in that
fevered fairy imagination of yours...

or why you came here to drive
a wedge between me and my son...

but I do know you're making me
mad. You're really ticking me off.

And if you don't want to be
disassembled limb by limb...

you'll do an about-face and
sashay your butt out of here.

I'm sorry, Maurice.

Hello, Aunt.

Mr. Morningstar,
Leston.

Want to play winners, Ed?

Be tough, though.
I'm on a roll. King me.

No, thanks.

I really came
to talk to Leston.

Well, you, too.

Well, everybody,
really.

Pull up a chair, Ed. Maybe
you'll bring me some luck.

I should never play
red on Tuesdays.

I saw you on cable last night,
Leston. Wagon Train marathon. Oh, yeah.

The acting days.
Good people on Train, though.

John Mclntire, Ward Bond.

You know, there was some
discussion in the final year...

about adding me on
as a semi-regular.

You know, that's kind of what
I wanted to talk to you about.

Do you know a movie,
Prisoner of Zenda?

Marvelous film.
Classic Selznick.

Well, at any rate, I'm gonna
be dubbing it into Tlingit.

Prisoner of Zenda in Tlingit? Yep.

Why? On account of
Tlingit's a dying language...

and I was thinking as how the
only people that speak it now...

are a few old people
such as yourself, and...

well, after you're gone,
then no one will.

And that's why I was
thinking I want everybody...

you, and
Mrs. Johnson...

and, well, especially
you, Leston...

on account of your professional
status and your experience...

to help me dub the movie.

I hope you know what you're
signing yourself up for, Ed.

I remember loop lines
in Cheyenne Autumn.

Carroll Baker turned
into a sack of tears.

Well, that's why I was
thinking I'd need you, Leston.

On account of
you're an old pro.

Good point.

Seems like a hell of a lot
of trouble to go to...

for a cup of tea.

What? On the floor?

Look, I'm not
much of a squatter.

That's why I have chairs
around my table over there.

Okay.

Yeah, whatever you say.

So, where you from,
Soon Ae?

Where do you come from?

Okay, look. Me, Maurice.

Me live Cicely.

Come from Tulsa,
Oklahoma.

You, Soon Ae,
live Seoul.

Come from...

Wonsan. Wonsan.

Wonsan, huh?

Wonsan.

Wonsan. Wonsan.

What the hell's this?

This isn't-
Soju. Soju.

That's that firewater
they drink up north, isn't it?

Yeah, soju.
From the north.

Norte. El Norte!

You like that soju, huh?

You like music?

You like that Red music?

How about the Internationale?
You like the Internationale?

# Arise ye workers
and unite #

# Ta da, da da da da da da #

# Ta da, da da da da da da ##

The hell with this!

No.

No, I'm not paddling around
in that sampan.

No way, mister.

Not this leatherneck.

Boy...

Tammy was 10-4
on the bladder thing.

Ever since I got mommed, I've
been wearing a path to the toidy.

Uh, Shelly?
Yeah, babe?

Hey, kill the light, will you? Me
and the little pooper need our Z's.

Well...

I'd like to talk
to you, if I may.

Oh, H, I almost forgot.

Did you remember to call
Tiny Toddlers...

and line up the little guy's
beetle-grass mat and desk?

Well, I'll
phone tomorrow.

Right now I have
a more pressing concern.

Well, shoot, big guy.

Well...

you remember that time
I told you about...

when I was stranded out on
that island in Lake Whidbey?

Mmm-hmm.

My kayak had loosed from its
mooring and drifted out and far away.

And you almost froze your tush
off, but the matches dried out...

and you strangled a moose
and made jerky.

My only way back to shore
was ice floe to ice floe...

the threat of hypothermia
a mere misstep away.

But you made it back.
Yes.

And do you know why?

'Cause you are one
rugged L.L. Beanstalk.

True.

But, see, Shelly, I didn't
want to leave that island.

Not right then.

I was forced to.
Forced? By who?

Grizzlies?
It was my needs.

Your what?
My needs.

Your knees?

My needs.
My wants, my desires.

Oh.

My needs welled up within me
and once they got started...

there was no way
of stopping them.

They were like a thirst
that needed to be quenched...

a hunger
that needed to be fed.

My needs needed to find
a proper refuge.

And they wouldn't quit
until they did.

Your needs?
Yes, my needs!

Shelly, my God,
I'm talking about my needs.

I'm talking about Johnny.

Johnny?

It was Johnny that forced me
off of that island.

It was Johnny
that needed a woman, bad.

And he didn't care if
I died or not. I mean...

Because if he
didn't find her...

I was just gonna bust.
Wow!

So you swam
in frozen water...

and walked through snow,
all for Johnny? Yeah.

That is a great story, hon.
Yeah.

I think I'll go take
an Epsom soak.

My ankles are killing me, and my
'roids are acting up on me, too.

Excellent work, people.
Excellent work!

Freddy, Bill, take a look at those
other pages for the royal reception...

and we'll put that online
right after the dinner break.

Okay, Ed.
See you, Ed.

See you, guys.
Thanks again, guys.

Okay, Leston...

this is where you're coming off
the balcony with Princess Flavia.

Right.

And then don't forget, you
know, just the three beeps...

and then the
imaginary fourth one.

I got it.

Okay, good one for me.
What's next?

Leston, could we just
do that one again? Again?

Yeah. I mean, that was
pretty good and everything...

but maybe we can
just do one with...

Well, a little less edge
in your voice.

Less edge?

Yeah, you know...

not so angry.

See, Ronald Colman, what
he's saying in this is...

"Boy, you know, it's really a
hard job being king and all, but...

"well, it's worth it just
to be with Princess Flavia. "

Just what are you
getting at, Ed?

I don't understand subtext?

Well, no, I...

This better not be another one of
those moat-and-drawbridge scenes...

like this morning.
Seven takes on that one!

I nailed it
on the second one.

Oh, I know, but I just wanted to get
a little more energy into that one.

I don't think you know
what you want, Ed.

I worked 30 years
in the biz.

I did eight Big Valleys.
That's Barbara Stanwyck.

Wild Wild West.
River Gorge.

Burt Lancaster. He loved my work
in that. He told me so personally.

I know, Leston,
but the thing is...

if Ronald Colman
is so angry...

then the audience isn't gonna understand
why Princess Flavia is smiling.

Where do you get off
telling me about my craft?

You think I need this?
I don't need this.

I don't need some amateur
running my lines.

I'm out of here, Chigliak.
Forget the whole thing.

End of another
broadcast day at KBHR.

Let's hit The Brick, man.

I'll shoot a game of pool
with you, buy you a beer.

No. No, no, thanks.
Not tonight, Chris.

Oh, yeah? What, are you
hanging with the family?

Here, take a look
at that.

Nice bomber jacket.
These your flying buddies?

Yeah. That was Seoul, '51.

There's me, J.J. Jackson...

there's Kilgore,
Woody, Deets.

We were known
as the Five-Headed Hydra.

Huh.

Had 18 MiG kills
between us.

That's some shooting, Maurice.

See this guy here?

That's Woody Patterson.

He could do a modified crazy
eight, come up behind the enemy...

open up with both
20mm cannons...

Boom!

Poor SOB
never knew what hit him.

The good old days.

Two weeks after this picture
was taken, Woody went down.

He broke his leg
when he landed, got nabbed.

They marched him north
over Koo Long Plain...

with a company of Canadian
Rangers that they'd captured.

It was deep winter.
Cold, no food, no medical.

Woody marched 27 miles
on that broken leg.

Then, when he couldn't keep up,
they shot him dead.

Duk Won's fiancée...

is the daughter
of Colonel Pak Soon Ye.

Colonel who?

Colonel Pak Soon Ye.

The commandant of
Songjung POW camp.

He was a master...

at physical
and psychological torture.

He'd keep the men alive with a
handful of rice and thin soup...

march 'em out into the yard
for mock executions.

But now look.

His flesh and blood is sitting on
the porch at my house, sipping tea.

If that's not enough...

I've given that woman
permission to marry my only son.

Well, that's very heavy,
Maurice.

Yeah.

Heavy.

Look, you change your mind,
I'll be at The Brick, okay?

Yeah, yeah.
Thanks, Chris. Go ahead.

One chili con carne,
side of garlic toast.

Cheese? We got some
fresh-grated Jack here.

Couple of shakes of Tabasco,
zip it up a little.

Whoa! Whoa! Holling! Holling!
These beans are hot enough, buddy.

Well, how about a frosty?
Cool you down.

I got a cool one
right here.

What, you're all amped up on the
caffeine juice today, Holling?

It's not that.
It's Shelly.

Since she's got
that bun in the oven,

she stopped wanting to
do the lam-bang-boo.

Oh, yeah. Nooky alert.

I've seen these jeebies
before in the joint. You know?

A con pulls 90, he's
good for about two weeks.

Next thing you know,
bam, man!

He's pacing the floor, he's
counting 4/4 out on the bars.

You know, his juices
are all backed up.

That's it. That's exactly
it. I'm all backed up!

Holling, there are ways to appreciate
women besides making their backs bend.

Oh?

Yeah, like a less goal-oriented
approach to sex, you know?

Haven't you just ever laid there
next to a woman, Holling, and...

soaked up her aura?

No.

Well, me neither, really.

I mean, it's like a Western
cultural thing, you know?

We think the whole point of sex is
consummation, ejaculation, right?

Right.

Let me tell you something,
Holling Vincoeur.

Things go down a lot different
in other parts of the world.

Take the Hindu Tantrics
for example.

These guys approach sex
like a process, you know?

It's touching, it's sexual
connection on a spiritual level.

And that works?
I mean, it does the job?

For over 2,000 years.

It was Gaius Petronius who
said, "One hand washes" this.

Duk Won, excuse me.

I'd like to see you
in my study, please.

Listen, Duk.

I don't like to pussyfoot around,
especially with my own family.

I'm fully aware that I gave
you permission to marry Soon Ae.

Ron?

Permission. Yes, thank you,
Father. Yeah, yeah. Well, see...

the problem is that I was not
in possession of certain facts...

when I gave
that permission.

Now, I hate
to go back on my word...

but I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to rescind...

that permission
to marry Soon Ae.

No?
No. No.

You see, that woman
is the daughter...

of Colonel Pak Soon Ye.

Pak Soon Ye.

That man was my sworn enemy.

He killed my buddies.
He tried to kill me.

He called us
Wall Street butterstinkers.

He shot us in the head
and laughed.

I cannot countenance
such a marriage.

I understand.

I'm sorry, Duk Won.

I understand how much
this means to you. I...

I understand.

What happened?
What did he say?

He says he will not
marry Soon Ae.

Not now, not ever.

Okay, you guys, here we go.
Lie on your backs.

That's right. Feet
together. Feet together?

Well, that's how it is
in this diagram.

Holling, I want you to put your hand
flat, right below Shelly's navel.

Okay. No, no, no,
not so eager, Holling.

We're gonna get there, buddy. I'm sorry.

All right. Shelly, I want
you to repeat after me.

It's the second chakra mantra.

It's the E-ticket to the G-spot.
Holling, I need you to go like this.

Shelly?

This is buzzing
my lips, Chris.

Shelly, let it buzz
your whole body.

This is excellent. All right.
All right. This is very exciting.

Holling, how are you
doing? You getting off yet?

I think something might be stirring
down there. How you doing, Shelly?

Maybe.

Dr. Fleischman?

Oh, man, Ed.

My heart is fibrillating. Thank you
very much. I really appreciate it.

You can creep up on me anytime,
you know, just sneak on up.

Well, okay.

But I really wanted just to ask
you a question, Dr. Fleischman.

Yeah, well, you're here.
Fire away.

Okay. Now...

if you're gonna do
a thing...

then you should do it right
or not at all, right?

Well, yeah.
That's what they say, anyway.

Okay, now on
the other hand...

if you don't
do a thing...

just because you don't
wanna not do it right...

well, then...

it just doesn't
get done, right?

Well, I suppose.

Here we go.

I knew I had it.

Ed, have a seat. It's
perfect you're here, actually.

Remember the other day we
were talking about Yiddish?

Right. Right. Well, I
have this Uncle Stanley...

and he would pull
this story out...

whenever he'd have
a few too many Manischewitzes.

This is... Basically, this is the
story of Pocahontas in Yiddish.

Ready?
Okay.

Here's what... He would
have us all around...

and he would... You know, he'd
sit there, and he would say...

Right?
Which is...

He's saying that the teepee is
too small for the wedding, right?

A Yiddish teepee.
Exactly.

It's this funny story.
You have Pocayenta...

Get it?

Pocayenta?

So her daughter
is getting married...

so she sends her husband,
Geronowitz, to get a buffalo.

She wants him
to kill a buffalo.

Which is a pot roast. And
also to get a bigger teepee.

With the pelt.
You got it. Exactly.

Okay. She says,
"Geronowitz!"

Which is... It means,
"Get off your butt!"

"... a buffalo. "

A buffalo, right?
Do you get it?

It's funny.
You know, it's just...

The whole thing is... It's the
sounds, you know? They're...

I tell you, I hear this stuff
and I'm back in Queens.

So, what happened?

Geronowitz got a buffalo?
No.

No. See, what happens is,
the first buffalo, it had...

Right?

Which is mangy.

And the second buffalo was so
ugly, he couldn't even look at it.

He had to
send it off, right?

The third buffalo was perfect.
It was beautiful.

He could taste
that gedempte tzimmis.

and he goes to kill it
and he realizes he can't.

He can't kill the buffalo.
He has to send it away. Why?

Because he realizes he brought
the milichdik tomahawk.

What kind of tomahawk?
Milichdik. Which is...

See, kosher Jews, they can't cut meat with
the same knife that they use for dairy.

So, he realized that he brought
the milichdik tomahawk...

the milk tomahawk...

so he couldn't kill
the meat with it.

So the moral
of the story is...

that if he had used
the tomahawk anyway...

even though it was
the wrong tomahawk...

then at least
he would have had a buffalo.

No. Ed, there's no moral.

It's a funny story,
you know?

It's just, it's funny.

You had a question for me? No, I think
you answered it. Thank you, Dr. Fleischman.

You ought to see 'em moping
around out there, Dave.

Like a couple of sad sacks.

Looking at me like I've just
busted their favorite rice bowl.

Well, what the hell
did I do?

Did I ask him to travel
halfway across the world...

and involve me in his
personal problems? Hell, no!

You know what really gets to
me, Dave? What's that, Maurice?

They're so damn polite,
they give me the creeps.

Always bowing and smiling,
smiling and bowing.

You know what a normal
American kid would have done?

Spit in your eye and put
your Jeep in a ditch. You bet.

He would have done
what he damn well pleased.

But not Duk Won.
No, no. Not my son.

Finished with these, Maurice?
Mmm-hmm.

The trouble is...

I can't even get a decent
night's sleep anymore.

Do you think it gives me
pleasure to cause that boy misery?

Hell, no! He's always been a good son.

He's never asked me
for a dime.

The trouble is, a man has
got to have principles.

He's got to have
a code of conduct.

That's the trouble with
these United States nowadays.

Too much personal pleasure
taking precedence over principle.

When you draw
a line in the sand...

that is where
you have to take a stand!

Set me up
one more time, Dave.

All right.

Hello, Maurice.

Boys.

We're just coming to check
on you, see how you're doing.

I'm fine.

You don't look so fine
to me. Does he, Erick?

Yeah.
You look upset.

How is a father supposed to look when
he crushes the joy out of his only son?

Hey, you should be really proud
of Duk Won. He took it like a man.

You ought to see 'em up there,
packing their little bags.

Broken, defeated.

Maurice, I know
it wasn't easy.

But you did
what you had to do.

Hey, I take my hat off to you. Yeah?

Absolutely. Look,
who does the dirty work?

When they want the job done
right, Maurice, they call us.

They call the Marines.

Listen, Maurice, life goes on.
Trust me on this.

In a few hours
they'll be on a plane.

In a few months, they'll forget
all about it. Erick's right.

We've all lost at love. We always
think it's the end of the world.

But it isn't. Before you
know it, we're good as new...

and we're back out there
hitting the bars.

Speaking of which, let's head
into town. I could use a cassis.

Coming.

Hey, by the way...

why don't you stop by
tomorrow night?

We're having a little
get-together at the B & B.

Just got in some
mint-condition Marion Lewis 78s.

Yeah, I'm doing a paella. I
was hoping you could whip up...

that Dijon and tarragon
vinaigrette of yours.

Or not.

Open invitation.

Hello, Leston.
Ed.

I hope you don't mind me showing
up like this. No. I don't mind.

You know, last night I was sitting around
watching some tapes of your old movies.

You were really good.
Really, really good.

Like that one,
Dancing Cloud's Revenge.

You're standing
on that rock...

and you go to pull that
arrowhead out of your chest.

Boy, the expression
on your face.

You could just see
how much it hurt.

That wasn't me.

No?
No. It was Silverheels.

No kidding?

Boy, I didn't know
that guy could act.

I'll tell you what I
will always remember:

Judgment at Blood River, where you
lead the attack on that cavalry.

You saw that one, huh? Oh, man.
You were really good, Leston.

You liked it, huh?

Fun film.

Are you kidding?

Where your wife's dying
from cholera...

that one tear
just kind of...

comes down your cheek
and hangs there.

Yes, the tear.

That was my idea,
you know.

To show he had
some humanity.

I thought it gave the picture
a whole and other dimension.

Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.

Sure wish you'd
come back, Leston.

To Zenda?
Yep.

I don't think
it's a good idea, Ed.

Oh, but it is, Leston.
It really is.

It won't be the same
as before, I promise.

I won't be near as bossy.

You won't even
know I'm there.

Well...

an actor needs a little
feedback now and again.

One oatmeal,
no butter...

no cream...

no fun.

No heart attack.

How are you doing, Shelly?

A little morning
sickness? Nauseous?

I'm just plain bummed,
Dr. Fleischman.

I mean, getting knocked up
is one thing...

but I didn't know chicks
got their horns shaved off.

I see.

Used to be...

I could just see a pair of
stuffed 501s and some chest hair...

and I'd get that red spot
on my neck...

and I'd be dragging the big H
up to the love grotto.

Now I'm just a frump
in a muumuu.

It's like my chickness
just disappeared.

Aren't I ever gonna
wanna shoot the moon?

I'm never gonna
want Johnny again?

Look, Shelly...

I'm relatively sure that
your sexuality is intact.

It's just...

Things happen, you know?

It's just a little
dormant, that's all.

All right, look.

Picture a plant,
okay? Okay?

What kind of plant?

Doesn't matter.
Just...

Philodendron.

How about a fern?

Okay.
Okay.

Close your eyes.

Now you see it?

You see? It's green,
and it's flourishing.

Right? It's thriving,
it's happy, it's growing.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Okay, in order for that
fern to keep thriving...

it needs to be tended, right? Uh-huh.

So, it needs weeding, and it
needs food, and it needs...

It needs?

A pot!

Water. It needs water.
Right?

If it doesn't get water,
what happens?

It dies.
That's right.

That fern shrivels up.
It shrivels up and it dies.

So...

So that's what
you have to do.

You have to water the fern. You
understand? You have to water it.

Oh!

Yeah.

Water the fern.
Water the fern.

Duk Won.

Soon Ae.

I have something
I have to say to you.

Soon Ae...

you've got to understand that this
has nothing to do with you personally.

But your father
was my archenemy.

I realize all this took
place over 40 years ago.

It is abominable to me...

to think that his blood
can mingle with mine.

As much as I hated
your father...

I hate myself for
what I'm about to say...

because it's weak...

and immoral.

Duk Won...

I cannot stand by
and watch your anguish.

I give you permission
once more to marry.

Do you understand me?

I give you permission
to marry.

The two of you.
You, and you, marry.

Permission.
My permission to you.

The two of you marry.
Be happy.

Have a good time. Enjoy!

Permission?

Permissione.
Yeah, permission.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Permission?
Permission?

Yeah.

Permission.
Permission.

Permission.
You have my permission.

Thank you, Dad.

For heaven's sake.
Come on, Son.

It's okay.
Don't bust a vein on me here.

I love you, Daddy.

Mr. Minnifield.
Mr. Minnifield.

$5, $6, $7's your
change. Thank you, Ron.

Don't forget Thursday night.
Backgammon and smorgasbord.

Wouldn't miss it
for Mame.

Evening, Holling.

Gentlemen.

This is a day that I never
thought I'd live to see.

The day Colonel
Maurice Minnifield caved.

I always respected you,
Maurice.

Not as a person...

but as a comrade-in-arms.

Despised the man, but...

I saluted the rank.

But you.

You've gotten
soft, Maurice.

Weak.

When you don't know
who the enemy is...

who are you?

And you call yourself
a Marine.

Let's get out
of here.

You know, Holling...

I used to know where I fit in,
in the grand scheme of things.

I knew...

friend from foe, right from
wrong, black from white.

But now, everything
has gotten cloudy.

One thing for sure...

I never thought
I'd show myself...

to be half the man
of those two nancy boys.

We could both use a drink.
Yeah.