Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 4, Episode 13 - Duets - full transcript

Ed's spirit guide returns claiming to have found the identity of Ed's father. Maggie and Mike grow closer. An itinerant, blind piano tuner shows up at the Brick.

Put that badminton set...

with the sporting goods,
will you?

Okay. Ed, I'm going
to get my haircut now.

All right.

Last time I had a trim,
Denise said that I should...

consider having some
highlights. What do you think?

I like it the way it is.

Really?
Oh, yes.

Okay.

Oh.

When you have a moment, would you go
downstairs and bring up more fax paper?



It's next to the birdseed.

Hello, Ed.

Ed? Ed?

I'm sorry, Ruth-Anne, what?

I promised Maurice
I'd have it waiting for him.

Yes, ma'am. Right away.

Thank you.

One Who Waits.

You're looking well, Ed.

Thank you.

I see you've found
a new vocation.

Vocation? Oh, yeah.

This is just until my
directing career takes off.

It's always good to have
something to fall back on.



Can I offer you
a Musketeers Bar?

No, thanks, Ed. I'm a ghost,
remember? We don't eat.

Oh, right. Sorry.

No need to feel so.

I must admit, I like to take a whiff
of food every once in a while...

for old times sake.

You know how it is.

What brings you here?

Remember the last time
I was here in Cicely...

and how bad you felt when we
couldn't find your parents?

Uh-huh.
I felt bad, too...

so I kept on looking.

I looked everywhere.

This world, the next.

I never walked so hard
when I was alive.

I thought I'd have to change
my name to One Who Walks.

My dogs
were taking a beating.

Anyway,
the bad news is...

I went through five pairs
of moccasins.

The good news is,
I found your father.

Mmm-hmm.

Buenos días,
Cicely and mi jefes.

This is Chris in the Morning
with a couple of quick notes.

And under our Cosmology
and Astronomy department...

an eye-opener
for you stargazers.

HD 1545,
once thought to be...

a single star with a weird
little wiggle in its orbit...

is actually two.
Twins, binaries...

two stars orbiting
around each other, so...

congrats to our tiny
little celestial dancer...

and your new partner
HD 1545-B.

Talk about cosmic couples, it seems our
own Milky Way has a significant other.

That's right, we're being
slowly tugged along...

by a sister galaxy,
Andromeda...

and even beyond that
there's a great attractor.

A super cluster
of galaxies that's...

slowly drifting towards
our own super-cluster...

in a warm
gravitational embrace.

Always remember,
it takes two to tango.

I appreciate you coming,
One Who Waits...

but, you know,
I already saw my father.

You did? When?

Well, it was the last time you
were here, right after you left...

and I found him changing
his truck tire...

and he had the same jacket on as me.

Oh, that guy.
That's not him.

No?

No, it was
an honest mistake, Ed.

Because you don't see that
jacket on Indians everywhere.

But, One Who Waits,
a raven flew by...

the wind came up and Nat
King Cole was on the radio.

Coincidence.

I have my information
on good authority...

from Donald Napakiak...

a respected elder.

I met him
just after he died...

and he told me specifically
who your father is.

He did? Really?

That's right.

Hi, Ed.

Hi, Shelly.

Who's that
you're gabbing with?

One Who Waits.

One who whats?
Waits.

Oh, you know,
my invisible friend.

Oh, the ghost dude.

Where is he?

About here?

Oh, almost. Just over a
little to the left, and up.

So, what's it going to be?

Hmm.

Well, he's not sure yet.

Last time you had hamburger
and fries, remember?

You got off
sniffing the ketchup.

But you hated the smell of
the gherkins on the side.

Good memory.
I like that in a girl.

I'll have the same.
Okay.

Two burger specials, please.

And hold the gherkins.

Right.

Are you still making movies?

Oh, sure.

I was thinking about making
my next project a documentary.

Documentary?

Yeah. That's a true-to-life
account of something.

See, they're repaving this
4-mile stretch of highway...

between Cicely
and Klukwan.

And I was thinking, it would
be very, very dramatic...

man, machine,
battling the permafrost.

Ed?

Dr. Fleischman.

What are you doing?

I'm talking to my friend,
One Who Waits. My guide.

Oh, right. Of course,
the spirit pal.

He's 250 years old...

and sniffs his food,
tracks relatives.

Right!

You can't answer right
to a question like that.

Seeing invisible people and
having conversations with them...

I mean,
we went through this.

This is a manifestation
of psychotic behavior.

Oh.

Look, I don't want to alarm you,
but I think that if this continues...

we should really
consider psychotherapy.

Okay, Dr. Fleischman.

And, listen if this...

friend suggests that you climb
up on a roof and take a leap...

I really hope that you'll
give me a call first, okay?

You've got it,
Dr. Fleischman.

All right.

I don't understand, Mike.

The whole coast
of Alaska is vulnerable.

See this dot here?
Uh-huh.

That's an iceberg...

calved off from an ice sheet
in the Chukchi Sea...

about three weeks ago.

Now, it's drifting
southeast...

with an abandoned Soviet
research station on it...

and dozens of 50-gallon drums
scattered all over the place.

Yeah?
Yeah.

The thing is, nobody seems
to know what's in them.

The Russians,
they don't have any records.

We can't tell.

It could be
an ecological time bomb.

That's awful.
Exactly. Look.

The iceberg's come 30 miles
already. It's just off Enurmimo.

If it hits
the right current...

it could be right here in our
own backyards in a matter of days.

God.

Luckily,
I'm in good shape.

I've been monitoring every
reactive index in my body.

Toxin absorption, anti-oxidants,
selenium, zinc, copper...

I'm at median levels
all the way around.

What are you
talking about?

We're going to find out
what's in those drums.

We?

I need you to fly me
to the llivit Mountains.

The llivit Mountains?
Yes.

From up there, I'll be
able to get a clear reading.

If there's paint in the drums,
I'll have an olfactory reaction.

Rhinitis, sinusitis.

If it's formaldehyde,
excessive lacrimation.

Sulfites,
paroxysmal sneezing.

And if it's petrochemicals...

any kind
of epidermal response...

from rashes and hives
to canker sores.

What if it is toxic, and you
have some sort of reaction?

Then, we'll have good,
hard data for the EPA.

Good evening.
Where's the owner?

I'm your man.
What can I do for you?

Got a piano here?
Yeah.

Well, I'm the tuner.
The tuner?

Are you going to
take me to it...

or am I going to stumble
around here like a blind man?

I'll take you.

You know, I had a friend,
Bert Nystrom. He...

He was unsighted, too.

He used a dog
to help him get around.

I had a dog once.

But then business
got real slow, so I ate him.

Man's best friend tastes
surprisingly like chicken.

51-inch Sterling.

Oh.

This is a mess.

The key bushings are worn
out, missing dampers...

someone's sprung
the trapwork.

Well, we get pretty large
temperature extremes around here.

That could account for it.

$150.

I'm sorry?

I'll tune this piano
for $150.

I don't know, that's an awful lot
of money to spend on this old thing.

This "old thing" has
copper-wound bass strings...

and nickel-plated
tuning pins.

Holling, customer at number four
says the fish cakes are rank.

What do you think?

What are you trying to do,
poison people here?

Who's he?

This is a piano tuner,
Shelly.

You're blind, huh?

Good call.

You know, that was such
a bummer on Little House...

when Mary Ingalls got scarlet
fever and couldn't see any more.

Nice meeting you.

Shelly, ask him if he
wouldn't like a Moose-burger.

That's the way I like 'em,
blonde and stacked.

How would you know that?

I may be blind, Sherlock,
but I'm not stupid.

Hey, Fleischman,
I need to ask you something.

Are you hemorrhaging,
O'Connell?

No.

Acute abdominal pain?
No.

Life-threatening situation?
No.

Well, I'm busy. Please.

I need some information,
Fleischman.

Mike and I are going away
for a couple of days.

Mike?
Yes.

I need to know if there's
any medicine he might need...

or anything I should
watch out for.

'Cause you and Mike are
going away for a few days?

A couple of days, Fleischman.

A couple, meaning two,
not a few, meaning several.

What?

Fleischman, I don't know
what kind of scenario...

your juvenile imagination
is concocting...

but Mike and I happen to be doing
some very important research.

No doubt.

I am flying him
to the llivit Mountains...

so he can read what's in some
50-gallon drums floating on an iceberg.

Mike is going to the top
of a mountain so he can...

take a sniff of a drum,
what, 500 miles away?

That's right.

O'Connell, let me give you a little
gloss on the old olfactory system, okay?

High up in the nasal passage
is a tract of mucous membrane...

which contains the cell
endings of the olfactory nerve.

This is how we human beings
acquire our sense of smell.

Mike would need...

an olfactory nerve
the size of Yankee Stadium...

to do what
you're talking about.

Forget it.

Wait. No, no, no, no.
I get it. I get it.

It's like The Princess and
the Pea thing, right? Yeah.

If a woman can sense a pea
50 mattresses below her...

certainly a man can smell some schmutz
in a drum hundreds of miles away.

What made me think
you were going to help me?

Wait! We're missing
a golden opportunity here.

I'll bet even as we speak, there's
some miscreant up in Yokohama...

illegally firing
up his hibachi.

You can get Mike to the top of Mount
McKinley and bust the sucker in a flash.

Drop dead!

See that guy over there?

That's him.

You mean the short one
with the ponytail?

No, the tall one.

Are you sure?
Absolutely.

Look at that chin.
Look at those eyes.

My eyes are blue.

Whatever.

That man is your father.

What are you waiting for?

Go on over
and talk to him.

I don't think
now is such a good time.

You know, I promised Ruth-Anne
I'd defrost her freezer.

Ed, that man is your father. You've
been waiting all your life to meet him.

I know, but...

I think tomorrow would be
a better day, you know.

I've the whole afternoon
off tomorrow.

I could have spent the
last two years relaxing...

reminiscing with friends,
carving totems.

But no, I spent the time
looking for your father.

Why? Because I couldn't get
your face out of my mind.

An orphan boy, longing for
some knowledge of his father.

Now go on over there.

Excuse me, Sir.

Oh, good. You're here.

I need you up there
right away.

You're the skip sheeter,
right?

Uh...

After you finish
the sheeting...

I want you to move on
to laying the felt.

But don't go on to the starter
course until I check the shake, okay?

Hey, Ed, come here.

There's a seat right here.

After you get finished
laying the felt...

I want you to hold off
on the first row of shake.

I may need you inside to help the
finish guys with the tape and float.

Okay.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

What's your name?

Pete. Pete Jarvis.

I'm Ed.

You're right.

Ed Chigliak.

I just thought
you should know.

Know what, Ed?

That's my name.

See, the thing is...

I know what this
is all about, Ed.

You do?

It's as plain as that
mustard on your face.

I was watching you work.
It's obvious.

You don't know your way
around laying paper.

Oh.

You're right, Pete. Paper keeps sticking
out from underneath the shingles.

We'll fix that.

Right after lunch,
I'll come up there...

and show you how
to do the overlap, okay?

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Great.

That's funny.

The way you eat
your sandwich.

I like to work my way in.

My son does that. I always get
such a kick out of watching him.

You have a son?

Two. And a girl.

We live over in
Chickaloon.

I wish work didn't
take me away so much.

I get home and they're all
a foot taller.

The little one, Freddie, he likes
to eat around the edges first.

I don't know
where he gets it from.

Must have been something
he saw on TV.

Oh.

Pete, I think I'll just wait for
you on the roof, if that's all right?

I'll be there as soon as I finish
the rest of this turkey loaf.

All right.

Can I sweeten
your coffee for you?

I've had all of that sludge
I can stand.

Hold on, come back here.

Do you know what these are?

Thumb tacks.

Which some cretin stuck
into the piano hammers...

to get a honky-tonk sound.

Now the striking points
are dead.

Get a pencil.
A pencil?

You're going to be
writing something down.

I would do it for you, but I'm
told my penmanship is lacking.

All right.

Sleetmute, Pollard's Music. Get me
a carton of treble piano hammers.

That's treble piano hammers.

Sleetmute?

S- L-E-E-T-

Sleetmute is over
200 miles from here.

Well, then you'd better get going,
I need those hammers by tomorrow.

You expect me to drop everything
just to fetch your hammers?

Read my lips, Einstein.

Yes.

Who does he think he is?

I'm paying that man.

He works for me,
I don't work for him.

Whoa, chill, babe.

Where does he get off
insulting me like that?

Treating me like
some kind of errand boy.

Cut him some slack, H.

You got to remember he's
like Mr. Magoo, only worse.

Yeah, this is good.

This is very good.

The high pressure area
has moved inland.

The wind's coming from the
north by northeast, 15 degrees.

12 knots,
yeah, this is perfect.

Mike, Mike.

Really, shouldn't you be wearing a
respirator or at least a pair of gloves?

No, no, no. I'm fine.

Smell the alders.

Aw, would you look at that?

How did that piece of junk get out here?

You ever hear
of Surtsey Island?

It's this tiny speck
in the North Atlantic.

It's some rocks
and a whole lot of nothing.

But you know
what people found...

when they first
set foot on the beach?

Candy wrappers, plastic bags,
and a vinyl sofa cushion.

What are we doing
to this planet?

Whoa.

Wait a minute.
What?

Ketones.

Phenols.

No. No cramping...

no ocular migraine.

We can forget about
sulfites and paints.

The drums.

I'm starting to get some rash
patterns, a little hiving.

Some sensitivity
down in my pharynx.

It's got to be tars,
it's all petrochemicals.

Lubricants.

Must be from that machinery
used by the Russians...

out on that
research station.

Mike?

Chance of anaphylactic shock.

Epinephrine.

Oh.
Not to worry.

Just a precaution.

Good job, Ed.
Thanks.

So, Ed, how did it go?

Really good. We got all
the skip sheeting done...

laid all the paper,
started on the shingles.

You accomplished a lot.
I'll say.

What happened when you told
your father who you are?

I didn't tell him.

You didn't tell him?

I was going to...

and then my mouth
got really dry...

and it felt like
my tongue was swelling up.

And then, every time I
tried to get the words out...

it was like
these great big hands...

just encircling my throat
and choking me.

How very peculiar.

Not really.

'Cause, you see, when
you left the last time...

and we couldn't find
my father...

well,
at first I was upset.

And then of course, I saw
him, or I thought I did...

but it was okay.

You know, even if all we did
was change a tire...

it felt better.

'Cause I didn't have to
think about him any more.

Even if I thought
I'd never see him again.

It was like Luke Skywalker.

Skywalker?
Joe Skywalker's boy.

No.

Luke Skywalker is this
character in Star Wars.

His father is
a Jedi warrior...

and everybody thinks
his father is dead.

But your father is alive
and we know who he is.

Luke's father turned out
to be alive, too.

And they got
in this terrible fight.

And he cut off Luke's hand...

and, well...

that's the kind of thing that
would make a person nervous.

You're disappointed in me.

Puzzled.

I thought you'd be happy
to see your father.

I... It would be a great
moment in your life.

I did, too.

Now I find out you're afraid
to tell him who you are.

I'll tell him, I will.

I promise.

Hi, Ed. How's it going?

Well, I...

Have you told him yet?

I came really, really close
this morning.

You know, I have an idea
that might help.

Ask him to dinner.

Why ask him to dinner?

Because good food
ends with good talk.

Since the beginning of time, it's
always been that way with human beings.

Ancient legends are told...

marriage is proposed,
hunts are planned.

Ed, take my word for it...

once you share a meal, it'll be
easy to tell your father who you are.

Go ahead, go on.
Ask him.

Pete?

Yeah, Ed?

I was wondering if you'd like
to come to dinner at my place?

Dinner?

Yeah, you were so nice about helping
me lay the felt and everything...

I just thought
maybe you'd like a steak.

Or a fish or chicken.

You know, whatever you want.

Takeout, KFC, Chinese.

I mean, well,
you have to eat, right?

So you'll come?

Sure.
Good.

All right!

One Who Waits,
he's coming over.

And we're going to
have steak.

Or we might have
chicken or fish...

but he's coming over.

I brought your hammers.

Just leave them.

You said you needed
these things right away.

Listen, Jughead, I have
to repair the shanks...

before I can put
the hammers in.

Incidentally,
it's going to cost you $250.

What is?
This job.

You said $150.

That is before I found out
the extent of the damage.

You've got loose bass-strings
windings, broken brass butt flanges.

Mister, we set a price
and we shook hands on it.

Excuse me,
I shook hands with someone.

How do I know
that clammy paw was yours?

Are you saying
I'm trying to cheat a-

Perceptually impaired
individual?

Someone who's
visually challenged?

Who knows?

You may be trying
to rob me blind.

Listen, I'm not the one who's
trying to break this agreement.

Ooh, we're getting upset now,
aren't we?

I can feel the heat
radiating off your prostate.

You want to sock me,
don't you?

Admit it. If I had 'em,
you'd punch my lights out.

Come on.

Go ahead,
what are you waiting for?

Go ahead,
clean my clock.

Wherever you are.

What are you waiting for?

Come on!
Belt me one, hero.

Let's slug it out,
mano a mano.

Yeah.

Just what I figured.

A wuss.

A wimp.

I like the way you fixed
these little carrots.

Yeah?

With lemon and honey.

There's a diner
on the Alcan...

just outside of Dot Lake.

They make 'em like this.

Sweet potatoes, too.

Pete?

Yeah, Ed?

Well...

I just thought
you ought to know that...

That what, Ed?

I have more brisket
on the stove.

No, I'm fine.

Oh, okay.

With my work, Ed,
I have to travel a lot.

I don't get very many
home-cooked meals.

Usually it's chicken pot pie
in a microwave.

Pete?

What?

I think you should know
that I'm... I'm...

I'm... I'm... I'm...

You're what, Ed?

Kind of thirsty.

Would you like some tea?

Any coffee?
Sure.

I've got Bavarian Chocolate
Mint or Café Mocha.

Café Mocha would be good.

That your mom?

Her?

No, that's my Aunt Sylvia.

Of course,
she's not really my aunt.

She helped raise me.

And who's this?

That's Carl Graybuck.

He's someone else from the
tribe. He makes furniture.

Say, Pete, you know, I've got quite an
extensive video collection over here.

Maybe you'd like to
watch something.

This is
my Native American section.

Pow Wow Highway, Black
Robe, Broken Arrow.

That is one of
my favorite films.

You know, excellent casting, they've
got a lot of good action sequences in it.

Jimmy Stewart,
Jay Silverheels.

I'm an orphan.

Excuse me?

I'm an orphan.

I'll check the water.

Hi.

Hi, come on in.

I didn't see you
at The Brick last night.

I thought maybe with everything you
inhaled, you weren't feeling well.

No, no, no.
It's just... Very busy.

Come here, I'll show
you something. Okay.

This is a satellite infrared
taken two days ago.

Here's the iceberg.

Now, look at it
in comparison...

with this taken last week.

See, it's...

It's obviously slowed.

Great.

I'll be monitoring it
for a while...

to make sure it hasn't
picked up any speed.

It depends on the Chukchi
currents, that are right along here.

And if...

they don't surprise us,
we'll be fine.

That's wonderful.

Of course, I'll have to
keep the EPA informed.

Of course.

Maggie...

Mmm-hmm?

...you're standing
on my foot.

Sorry.
It's okay.

It's okay.

Whoa.

Let's do that again.

Wait.

What?
I can't do this.

What?

This, I can't.
I can't do this.

Is it Joel?

Fleischman? No, no,
of course not. It's...

I've got to go.
Why?

Mike, you don't want to
get involved with me.

I don't want you
to get involved with me.

I'm like toxic sludge.

I'm the global warming and the
greenhouse effect all rolled into one.

Maggie, what are you
talking about?

The kiss was great,
it's just...

I kill men.

Hey, One Who Waits.

Ed, I've come
to say goodbye.

Oh.

You're going.

There's really nothing left
for me to do here now.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell Pete
he was my father.

A man's got to do
what a man's got to do.

Even if you can't
explain why.

I just never seem to be able
to find the right time.

There are those who believe that
time is a wheel turning forever.

Which would mean that your
moment will surely come.

Then, there are those who
believe that time is a river.

Which, if that's true...

it's possible your moment
has already flowed by.

Which one do you think it is?

I think that time
is just time.

Goodbye, Ed.

Ruth-Anne?

Yes, Ed?

I've been wondering
why a mother or father...

would decide to leave
his or her child.

Is this about a TV movie?

No. I was just thinking.

There's this tiny baby,
eight or nine weeks old.

Somebody bundles him up
in a blanket and...

sticks him in a basket down by
the river in the rushes, and...

Well, why would they do that?

There was a very good reason
for that, Ed.

Pharaoh's soldiers would have
killed that little baby Moses.

No, I wasn't thinking of
Charlton Heston, Ruth-Anne.

I was thinking more like real-life. Oh.

In my experience, it's
generally just a matter of youth.

Of not being able to see the
consequences of your actions.

When my husband's youngest
brother Clayton was 17...

his girlfriend dumped him
for a college man.

And they were having
a clog dancing contest...

down at
the Odd Fellows Hall...

that Clayton was
determined to win.

Really?
Oh, yeah.

He wanted to show up his
old girlfriend and her beau.

And sure enough, he and his
new partner did indeed win.

The trouble was,
they decided to celebrate...

in the back seat
of his Hudson Hornet.

Get the picture?

Later, when the girl told Clayton she
was pregnant, he just couldn't cope.

He didn't have any earnings except
part-timing it down at the granary.

And the only reason
he'd asked her out...

was he needed
a dancing partner.

He didn't even
know her folks.

It was a mess.

What happened?

He shipped out
with the Merchant Marine...

for three weeks
after she had young Dale.

The point I'm trying
to make, Ed, is this:

It isn't that
he was a bad boy.

It was just
that he was a boy.

Still, they could have
celebrated a lot smarter...

by having a couple of hot
fudge sundaes down at Carvel's.

Okay, softer on the repeats.

Right. Keep it moving,
but don't rush.

Better.

Arlen?

Yes?

The D above the middle C...

Yeah?

It's flat.

It's the way I want it.

Why?

You know anything
about Persian rugs?

Isfahans, Tabrizes.

Sarouks?

Yes.
No.

No, what?

I don't know
anything about them.

The men
who wove those rugs...

great craftsmen.

Shah Abbas, Seirafian.

It took years
to complete each rug.

They tied thousands
of knots...

but they always left one
that was tied wrong.

One flawed knot.

You know why?

Otherwise the rug
would be perfect?

That's right.

Okay, that's...

two and a half hours
overtime, Tuesday...

full day Wednesday,
full day Thursday...

and half a day
this morning.

Thanks, Pete.

Thank you, Ed.

You're a good worker.
Right.

Well, goodbye.

Pete?

Yeah?

Have a good trip home.

Thanks.

What's the matter,
door stuck?

No.

Yes.

Come on, One Who Waits.

Come on.

What's the problem, Ed?

I'm your son.

What?

I'm your son.

My son?

About 20 years ago,
you had a baby.

Only you didn't
want him...

so you kind of left him...

and that baby
grew up to be me.

How do you know?

A friend told me, but he
wants to remain anonymous.

See, it was the spring
of 1972.

May...

and Fast Cloud...

found a baby down
by the Tuka River...

where the tribe
goes to fish every day.

And that baby was wrapped
in a sealskin coat...

and about eight weeks old.

I don't know what to say.

Oh. You don't have
to say anything.

You don't have to explain.

I know what happened.

See, you were young...

and you were feeling awful bad because
your girlfriend broke up with you.

And you needed a partner...

for the dance contest down
at the Odd Fellows Hall...

so you took this other girl,
and you won.

And you were feeling great...

so you celebrated in the back
of your brother's car.

And she got pregnant...

and you got scared.

After all, you only had a
part-time job down at the granary.

And you didn't even
know her family.

Shoot, you didn't know her.

What else could you do?

You want a glass of water?

Yeah, please.

I hardly knew
your mother, Ed.

Like you said,
it just kind of happened.

I wish I could
tell you where she is...

but I lost track of her
a long time ago.

Always wondered
what happened to you.

Where you were,
who was raising you?

I'd see a kid
in the school yard...

or a park...

and I'd think...

he's about the right age,
maybe that's him.

I just hoped
you were okay.

Oh, I'm fine.

Really, I've got
all the people in the tribe.

Gosh, I got a lot of friends.

And I got a good job at Maurice's
and another at Ruth-Anne's.

And, well, I've got my films.

I'm really doing very well.

Are you?

I sure am.

I'm fine.

You know, listening to you
play the piano...

reminds me of something
I remember, many years ago.

I was living up on the north
shore of Lake Crosswind.

That's where I heard it.

Music spilling out
of a piano.

Coming from somewhere
across the water.

Three times I made my way around
to the other side of the lake...

but I could never locate where
that sweet sound was coming from.

It was as if the music were
flowing out of the lake itself.

Gee, what
an enchanting story.

Arlen, you are
a thorough-going S.O.B.

Yes, I am.

I'm pouring whiskey.

You care to join me?

If it's on the house,
the answer is yes.

You know,
there was a time...

when I drank a lot.

Too much.

Self pity, perhaps.

But I had the perfect cover.

You see, no one gives a second thought
to blind men walking into walls.

You know...

the other day, I really
thought you might hit me.

Was I right?

No. But I had
something else in mind.

Which was?

I was going to help you
across the street.

Right in front
of a logger's truck.

Not bad.

You know, I've torn apart
a Bösendorfer up in Nome...

I've blowtorched frost off
the church organ up in Barrow.

I've even tuned a Yamaha aboard
a submarine at Adak Naval Base...

and everywhere I go,
people want to say...

look at that
nice blind man.

Look how nicely
he handles his disability.

Isn't that nice?

That's what people want.

But a man has to be
true to his nature.

And my nature...

Well, you know.

Pretty hard
to make friends that way.

Making friends has never been
very high on my list of priorities.

Of course...

if you were to set me up
with a new pair of eyes...

I'd be your pal for life.

Hey, you shorted me.

Don't be so stingy
this time.

Hi.

Hi.

Maggie, this is ridiculous.

You can't just say to me,
"I kill men"...

and then walk away,
end of discussion.

It's true.

Come on, Maggie,
you don't kill men.

Mike, yes, I do.

Ever since I was 21...

every man I've been
romantically involved with...

has died an untimely,
unnatural death.

You talking about Rick,
who got hit by a satellite...

and that other guy
on the glacier?

Yeah, like Rick and David.

But there's also Bruce
and Glen and Steve.

Five men.

Five healthy men
in the prime of their lives.

Five?

Yeah, five.

Well, okay.

Five guys.

That's strange, I admit.

But there is no
cause and effect here.

Yes, there is.

I'm the cause,
death is the effect.

Come on, Maggie.
Look at me.

People think I'm nuts
because of my illness...

but you and I both know that there's
a rational, scientific explanation.

It's the same with you.

Maybe there is a scientific,
rational explanation.

Maybe I effect
men's molecular levels.

Maybe I disturb
their negative ions.

Maggie-
Science is based on...

observable phenomena.

You throw a ball
into the air...

if it comes back
down to earth every time...

you have gravity.

Well, I'm five for five.

I'm a scientific phenomenon.

Okay...

even if I believed that,
which I don't...

remember who
you're dealing with here.

There's not a man on the planet
who lives more safely than I do.

My home is
a hermetically sealed bubble.

I grow
all my own vegetables...

I breathe filtered air...

I drink filtered water.

I don't smoke,
I don't drive.

No matter how many
negative ions you disturb...

nothing bad
can happen to me.

Nothing.

What?

When I first met you I thought you
were the bravest man in the world.

And now?

Now I think you're braver than
the bravest man in the world.

Well?

I'll think about it.

Okay.

You're stronger
than you look, Ed.

I had a hard time
holding that door shut.

Sorry.

Not too tight,
not too tight.

Okay, sorry.

I'd send you
to Dr. Fleischman...

but he doesn't believe
you exist.

This should heal up fine...

and thanks.

My pleasure, Ed.

So, are you and your father
going to keep in touch?

Oh, yes. We're going to
write each other and call...

and he's invited me up to
see his family in Chickaloon.

Good.

I don't know
if I'll go or not.

I mean,
he has his life now...

and I have mine.

But it's okay.

You know, I got to meet him,
and that's a really big thing.

I feel better.

Mmm. Buttered popcorn.

Yup.

And I've got
the perfect movie.

What are we going to watch?

Wild Strawberries.

Oh.

1957.

Probably Ingmar Bergman's
greatest film.

Really? What's it about?

It's about this old man
who takes a trip...

and reviews his life
as he travels.

I think
I'll like that one.

I've been thinking about
that old Zen conundrum:

"What's the sound
of one hand clapping?"

My personal opinion,
nothing.

You don't have two hands, you don't have
any clapping. It's as simple as that.

Stars, galaxies, clapping
hands, what's the point?

The point is that
we all need somebody.

Whether you're a super
cluster or a little proton...

or a yin or a yang.

Everybody is hooked
into everybody else.

Like Romeo and Juliet...

fish and chips,
Ben and Jerry...

Gilbert and Sullivan...

Mutt and Jeff...

Lunt and Fontanne...

Bert and Ernie,
Wilbur and Orville...

bubble and cheese,
E. and 'Scilla...

Bogie and Bacall...

Anthony and Cleopatra...