Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 4, Episode 1 - Northwest Passages - full transcript
On Maggie's 30th birthday, she decides to perform an ancient Native American ritual for saying goodbye to her dead boyfriends. Joel and Ed later have to rush in for the rescue when she turns out to be ill.
- Good morning, Chris!
- Hey, morning.
Beautiful morning,
isn't it?
- Yeah, it is. Has its possibilities.
- Yeah, I'll say.
- You're in a good mood.
- Yeah, you know why?
- You had a good breakfast?
- No.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
I'll be 30.
Wow, 30. That's a biggie.
Congratulations.
Yeah, it is,
isn't it?
Yeah. How you
holding up? Okay?
What?
Well, yeah.
I've never been better.
That's good. You know,
'cause here in the West...
we have this morbid fear of aging...
this simplistic glorification of youth.
You know, in the Orient,
old age is revered.
It's a time of wisdom
and influence.
- Well, it's the way it should be.
- Yeah.
You know, we impose all these chronological
imperatives on ourselves, and...
We don't make $1 million
by the time we're 30...
you know, we jump off a bridge.
I know. It's crazy, really.
Yeah, you look at all the arts, you
know, poets, artists, painters...
they're always putting
their head in the oven...
or starting the car
with the garage door down.
- I know. It's a waste.
- Yeah.
Well, they can bend statistics
any way they want, I guess, you know?
What statistics?
You know, those adult crisis shrinks,
Buhler and Daniel Levinson.
You don't get it by the time
you're 30, you ain't gonna get it.
Get what?
Basics.
You know, career track, intimacy.
Well, they're talking
percentages, usually.
- Percentages? Really?
- Yeah.
What percentages?
I don't know, 90%, 95%, around there.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
You still got
5% to play with.
Happy birthday,
I'll see you later.
Yeah. Thanks.
NORTHERN EXPOSURE
4x01 "NORTHWEST PASSAGES"
Subtitles subXpacio
Good morning, Marilyn.
Morning.
What do we have
on the books today?
Splinter removal?
M&M's stuck up some kid's nose?
- No.
- No. Course not.
My colleagues from Columbia
are nipping and tucking...
their way up Park Avenue to Westchester.
I'm stuck in the middle of Alaska just
praying for a case of Lyme disease.
What are you reading?
Driver's manual.
Is that right?
You're getting your driver's license?
That's great. Good for you.
I remember when I took the test.
I missed only two.
Didn't even read it.
Go ahead, ask me something.
Something?
From the thing.
The pamphlet.
Speed limit in a alley.
Speed limit in an alley?
Okay. Okay.
Ten miles an hour.
Uh-uh.
Five?
No.
Come on, higher? Lower?
Give me a hint. It's an alley.
You said to quiz you.
Okay. Fifteen miles.
Fifteen? No kidding.
Well, look, we don't have any
appointments in the foreseeable future.
Come on, I'll give you a driver's lesson.
Uh-uh.
No? Why not?
You make me nervous.
Oh, I make you nervous?
Thank you very much.
I'll tell you what...
you make me nervous.
I make you nervous.
That's great.
That's just beautiful.
Wonderful. I make you nervous.
Morning, Cicely.
Chris in the Morning...
here on KBHR.
Got a hot news flash.
"Guys versus gals eight ball
shootout Friday night at The Brick.
"Half price beer and dogs. "
You don't wanna miss that.
Birthday greetings to our
very own Maggie O'Connell...
who's turning the corner
on the big 3-0 tomorrow.
It's an important marker
on life's journey.
Leaving youth, entering
the middle way.
Safe passage, Mary Margaret.
I got me a little milestone
of my own happening here.
My engineer license came in.
I've been working the board in your
ears for what, two, three years, now?
Now I got me a real, genuine
certificate says I know how.
Does it matter?
I don't know yet.
Does it make a difference?
Does a piece of paper make
two people more married?
Does a bar mitzvah
make a child a man?
Why do I have the urge to legitimize
myself with a piece of paper?
Was it to simply put a Post-It
Note on this chapter in my life?
Or to say to the world, "World,
Kilroy Stevens, too, was here"?
And let's see,
marinated artichokes.
And smoked oysters.
Well, you might as well treat
yourself, huh, Ruth-Anne?
You only go around once.
You said it.
You have a bundle
of mail, dear.
Birthday greetings,
no doubt.
Wow, look at this.
Lynnie Lawrence.
Wouldn't you know, Lynnie Lawrence.
Wow, we were best friends growing up.
Well, isn't that nice?
Oops!
Whoop, got it.
"You're not getting older.
You're already there. "
That's funny.
Very funny, Lynnie.
Wow. These are her kids.
They're so big.
Let's see, "Denny, six.
Matthew, four. "
Cute.
They look just like her, too.
Neat as a little button.
That's the spirit.
What's the spirit?
People are so foolish about their
birthdays, especially big ones like yours.
They seem to think that...
there's a light shining on
everything lacking in their life.
What, like
not having children?
Well...
Well, Ruth-Anne, I'm just 30. There's
plenty of time to have children.
Absolutely.
Plenty. I mean, I could
always do in-vitro or adopt.
And if you never have them, it
won't be the end of the world.
Now, don't make any mistake, I love my
children, and I loved being pregnant.
But if I hadn't had them, I could
have held my head up just fine.
Ruth-Anne, don't forget, I have
a career, you know. I fly a plane.
Yes, you do.
And I have a wonderful life,
you know. Things are great.
And tomorrow's my birthday.
And I hope you have
a very happy one.
Thank you. I will.
Bye-bye, now.
Hey, Chris,
listen to this.
I really nailed her
this time. Chapter One.
You ready?
Yeah.
"Three score and change
in God's green acre...
"I've decided to take time from
the rigors of daily living...
"to look back over the years
and chart the course of a life...
"whose challenges
and achievements...
"may serve as an example and
benefit those who read these pages. "
I like it. I like it.
Read on.
Oh, that's to come,
I've got it all mapped out.
Sort of like a blueprint
here in my head.
How does a lad...
from Tulsa rise to fame
as a United States astronaut?
And how does he parlay
that fame into a vast fortune?
We'll meet his early
influences, his math teacher...
his wrestling coach,
his mother.
That's the beginning, and that's
a good place to start, Maurice.
Yeah.
It'll be my contribution
to space travel literature.
I envision the Book-of-the-Month
Club, Main Selection.
I see libraries, schools.
Maybe a film adaptation,
tasteful, of course...
with George C. Scott
in the later years.
Hey, right.
I can see it.
I'll be right back
with the newest installment.
Hurry up, I can't wait.
Yeah.
One warm beef stew.
I don't know
how you do it, Maggie.
Do it?
Keep it together.
Thirty.
Wow. I mean, I'm looking down
the snout of the big 2-1...
and I'm ready
to call a T-O.
Well, it's really not
all that bad, Shelly.
I mean, actually, I'm
dying to get out of my 20s.
I am. Truly, I am.
I've always wanted to be
in my 30s, actually.
I've always thought the
30s would be my decade...
that I'd come into my own.
Both the 30s
and the 40s.
Yeah, but 30.
You get crow's feet
and chicken chin...
and your nips start heading south,
and your bum turns to yogurt.
It does?
Oh, yeah.
And the competition's coming
up and gaining on you quick.
Who's gonna look at a chick 24
with all these teenage mall-flies...
strutting their booty
and talking their trash?
You'd think
they'd invented spandex.
Morning, Maggie.
Can I top you off?
Guess what, hon?
Maggie's turning 30.
Well.
Bummer, huh?
Maggie's just a baby.
Thirty is a slice of pie.
He would say that.
He's gonna live to be 120.
But she's only got
10 years till 40, Holling.
Then what's
she gonna do?
What are your plans, Maggie?
Did you wanna have
a party?
No. No, actually, I think I'd just like
to spend some quality time with myself.
Quality time?
Well, you know, spend some
time thinking about the past...
laying it all to rest, and
getting that old baggage off...
so I can move on
ahead, you know?
- The Indians do that.
- They do?
Oh, yeah. To hold back
the terrors of aging...
they'll go to the river
and send messages...
to all the people they've
known, dead and alive...
that are holding them
in their past...
and then they think that the great
river delivers those messages.
- Cool.
- Now, that's meaningful.
That's really beautiful. Yeah.
I think I'll do that.
Good morning, friends.
- Holling, cup of java, if you please.
- You got it.
Maggie's turning 30, Maurice.
She's blowing off her party.
She's camping by herself...
and she's unloading all her
old baggage in the river.
Well, congratulations, Maggie.
That's a very important
year in a life.
That's the year they separate
the men from the boys.
Really?
That was the year
I made full colonel.
My, only 30.
Yeah.
Wow.
I think I've got something
about it written here.
Let's see.
Yeah, there we are.
"We were like stallions
in the desert.
"Coop, Shepard, me,
and Schirra...
"in my 30th year.
"Leaving the glory
of our youth behind us...
"and embracing
our middle years. "
Marilyn, I find it's always best...
to look both ways, dear.
You're a little close to this side,
dear. Aim for the center a little more.
Better?
Yeah, that's much better.
You might give it
a tad more gas.
Marilyn! Not so much.
Ease up, for God's sake.
Like this?
Very good. Very good. There's a
parking space. Can you make it?
Okay.
Oh, my God!
Thank goodness.
Back in one piece.
So, how'd I do?
You did very well, Marilyn.
Really?
For the first lesson,
you just did fine.
Same time tomorrow?
I'm afraid not.
I'm too old
for this sort of thing.
Any more stress
on these worn-out nerves...
and they'll snap just like
a frayed old fan belt.
Good luck.
Well, it's been a year
since your last physical.
This better not leave
a bruise, Fleischman.
Keep your mouth shut.
Big day tomorrow, huh?
Mmm-hmm.
Turning 30, boy.
Well, I'm up
against it myself.
Poor baby.
What, you telling me
it doesn't bother you?
Why should it? I have my
whole life ahead of me.
You? You get hysterical if
there's a bunion on your toe.
The death of your youth
doesn't raise a ripple?
That's the difference
between us, Fleischman.
I see a passage,
you see a wall.
Well, you're running a slight
temperature. You feeling okay?
Yeah.
Maybe it's just a bug or
something. It's nothing.
Tell you what I think.
I think you're in denial.
About what?
About what?
Turning 30.
That's ridiculous.
You're so heavily into denial
that you're denying your denial.
Okay, I admit it.
I had some trepidation.
A big life-cycle event
like this.
But no pain no gain,
Fleischman.
I'm not saying
it's not a little scary...
but I'm eager
to get on with it.
Where's the party?
I'm not having one this year.
No party?
No, I'm gonna spend some
quality time with myself.
Quality time
with yourself?
Yes.
I'm going camping.
And Ed told me about this
wonderful Indian ritual...
where you write letters
and resolve issues...
you know, with people from your
past, both living and dead...
and then you send them off
via the great river.
Well, that sounds
like a blast.
Yeah, well, you know, Fleischman,
five minutes of self-examination...
and you'd end up being your
own patient at Bellevue.
Have a ball with yourself,
O'Connell. I will.
Next.
Hey, Marilyn. What
brings you out this way?
You.
Me?
Teach me to drive.
You want me to teach
you to drive? Mmm-hmm.
Oh, wow.
Marilyn, I never did anything
instructive before, you know?
I mean, it's not that I
don't want to. It's just...
it's never come up.
You know me, I'm a student of this
life, you know, I'm not a teacher.
I mean, I'm more like...
More like a sponge...
than a fountain.
You're a good driver.
I am?
I've seen you.
It's true. I am.
I mean, I got a real feel
for the road. I'm experienced.
I've been laying rubber
since I was nine years old.
Hot-wired a Mustang at 10.
Me, a teacher, huh?
Sure, why not?
Marilyn, I'd be glad to teach you
how to drive. It'd be my privilege.
Good.
Hello, Maggie.
Hey, Ed.
Well, I think
that's everything.
Bedroll, fly swatter...
lots of paper and pencils
for writing my letters.
I brought you a map to your place
on the river. X marks the spot.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
I hope you're not offended
that I'm not asking you along.
Oh, no.
'Cause you know, any other time,
I'd really enjoy your company.
We'd have lots of fun.
We'd camp along the river, take
out our kayaks, hook salmon.
Right.
But this is a personal
journey, you know?
A time to contemplate
and reflect.
It's just something
I need to do on my own.
Okay.
I'll write my letters, I'll look at
the stars, I'll set my past to rights.
Sounds really good,
Maggie.
Well, here goes.
Wish me luck.
Say, Maggie, can I ask
you a personal question?
Yeah, I suppose.
Well, how does it feel
to be 30?
Well, almost 30.
It feels good.
It feels really good, Ed.
I feel more confident,
at ease with myself.
Of course, you know, I wish I'd
known at your age what I know now.
But better late
than never, right?
Right.
You know, Ed, I feel like I'm
at a real point of growth...
of transition, like I'm really
opening up to what's inside.
That's why your passage
ritual's so perfect...
because it's a way for me to
unburden myself of everything...
that's been festering
in my guts, you know?
A way for me to expel it into the
universe like a big, popped boil.
Yeah.
Next time you see me,
I'll be a different person.
I'll be...
Well, you'll be 30.
Yeah.
Well, bye.
See you.
Heads up, Fleischman.
We've got an emergency.
I went to take a whiz and
the damn thing wouldn't grasp.
I had to do my business
like a southpaw.
All right, okay, relax,
have a seat.
Ever happened before?
No.
No?
Any other pain
or symptoms?
No. No, I'm as healthy
as a horse. You know that.
110/70.
What is it? What could cause
me to lose the use of my hand?
Well, a lot of possibilities.
Potassium abnormality...
but usually affects large muscle
masses like your thighs or calves.
Tetanus, but you'd
be sick otherwise.
Could be nerve damage.
This is a fine final chapter
to my memoirs.
I reach outer space and I can't even
hold my peter to take a proper pee.
It's your memoirs.
Huh?
Every time I see you, you're
scribbling on this yellow pad.
Yeah, they say a
computer's better, but if...
pencil and paper was good
enough for Hemingway...
it's good enough
for this flyboy.
You have writer's cramp.
Huh?
You grip a pencil for hours on
end, your hand tends to cramp up.
You think so?
Well, in all probability.
I'll be damned.
Well, what are we
gonna do about it?
Lay off the writing
till the hand comes back...
put some heat on it, massage
it. It'll be as good as new.
Uh-uh.
No can do, Joel.
I've got a boy
at Doubleday waiting...
for the first installment
and a prospectus for the rest.
I've set myself a schedule,
and I aim to keep it.
See you, Fleischman.
Hey! Yoo-hoo!
Yeah?
Yeah, excuse me.
Hello.
What are you doing here?
Well, fishing.
Here?
Yeah.
It's a beautiful spot, isn't it?
Best salmon fishing on the river.
Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to move.
Beg your pardon?
Yeah, I need to camp here, so you're
gonna have to fish someplace else.
You want me to move my camp? Yeah.
This is Alaska.
There's 600,000 square miles
of wilderness out here.
There's nobody on this
river for 50 miles.
This is my spot.
But I need to camp here.
You see, I'm from
Grosse Pointe, Michigan...
and I carry around a lot
of baggage from the past.
My parents got divorced
last year and...
you know, I couldn't help feeling
that I've been rebelling...
all my life against something
that didn't exist.
Look, lady-
And my mom...
even though she's kind of
passive-aggressive...
she was totally overbearing, so I have
a lot of invasion issues to work out.
And my dad, well,
he just wasn't there.
I mean, he was there...
but he just had this way of keeping
me at arm's length, you know?
And then I've had all these
boyfriends that just die on me.
I mean, each one has been
a horrible coincidence.
But is it my fault, you know,
that Rick got hit by a satellite?
A satellite?
And then tomorrow's
my 30th birthday.
So, see, what I really want to do
on the eve of my 30th birthday...
is write these letters
to my significant others...
and then mail them
up the river.
And then tomorrow
when I wake up...
the weight will be lifted and
the slate will be wiped clean.
I'll tell you what, lady,
you can have it.
I can?
Yeah.
Write your letters,
do your business...
howl at the moon,
hey, whatever it takes.
I'm out of here.
Great. Thank you.
Diving's kinda like
breathing, see?
You can't think
too much about it.
You're really looking comfortable
behind the wheel, Marilyn.
That's the important thing,
confidence.
Confidence, common sense, and
consciousness. How you feeling?
All right.
Good, good.
You see, the road,
the road is your future.
You, the vehicle, and the road,
you're part of a continuum.
Uh-huh.
Now the vehicle is
just a means...
it's just an enabler,
an extension of your idea.
And that's the joy of it,
the journey.
Now the greater your rapport with
the vehicle, the greater the joy.
Okay.
Take my bike.
Why do I have a Hog?
I could get from A to B in a station
wagon, a minivan, a moped, right?
Uh-huh.
But for me, a Harley-Davidson, it's
the ultimate, ultimate driving machine.
I think, therefore I do. I can
go 50. Boom, boom! I'm going 50.
I like the smell of the
exhaust. I like the rumble.
I lean into a curve,
she's there for me.
This is interesting.
This is very interesting.
Without realizing it, I was
taking all this for granted.
I mean, this is what
teaching means to the teacher.
Makes it all so clear,
so crisp, so present.
Thank you, Marilyn.
You're welcome.
"And now that time
has passed...
"I can look back
on our time together, Rick...
"and see the great happiness
that was ours.
"Cabin by the lake,
our flight checks...
"and midnight mail runs
to Barrow.
"I know that had you lived, you would
have realized the error of your ways...
"and known, too, that I would
forgive you everything, as I do now.
"Fondly always, Maggie. "
Well, guess
that's everybody.
Let's do it.
Whoa!
Guess I got up
too fast.
Okay, let's mail
you guys.
Rick.
Bruce. Bye, Bruce.
David.
Take care of yourself, David.
Glen. Don't take
any wooden nickels, Glen.
I got to lie down.
There's been a lot
of speculation...
throughout history as to
when a boy becomes a man.
At the beginning
of the previous chapter...
I made mention
to an episode...
that took place on the U.S. Grant
Military Academy play yard...
that I would subsequently
refer to.
Will there be anything else
for you, Maurice? One minute.
It concerned fisticuffs with a
young cadet by the name of Stasson.
Sorry. I was afraid
I'd lose my train of thought.
That would be a tragedy.
This young man had accused me
of using a full nelson...
which would clearly have been a
violation of the Rangier Rules...
See you, Maurice.
Excuse me, Maurice.
Hey, Ed.
Morning, Joel. Hi. Do
you know where Maggie is?
She's at the river. I know. Which
one? There are a million rivers.
I need to find her.
You know which one?
Yeah. What's wrong, Joel?
Is everything all right?
No, it isn't. She was in my office
yesterday and she had a slight fever.
She said it was a bug, but I was
running her blood this morning.
Her white counts are
markedly high. 15,000.
Oh, my dear.
That's bad?
Well, it indicates a severe
bacterial infection...
but she's out there
in the middle of nowhere...
writing letters
to a river, so...
Ruth-Anne?
Go. Go! Go!
Bye.
Two waffles
with boysenberry syrup...
ham, a cup of coffee,
two sugars.
The fish is in my pocket.
Huh?
I'm outside.
That's right.
It's my birthday.
Happy birthday.
It's the first day
of the rest of my life.
So what could
happen to her?
Pneumonia, pancreatitis,
appendicitis...
infected gall bladder, kidney, liver.
You can pretty much name your organ, Ed.
How about leukemia?
Yeah, well, I mean, high
polymorphonucleocytes can indicate leukemia.
Maggie could have...
No, she doesn't
have leukemia.
I ran a differential on
her blood after the CBC...
and there were none of the
atypical or abnormal cells...
that would indicate leukemia.
We don't have to worry
about that.
Well, good.
I just wanna get there
before she gets toxic.
Poor Maggie.
It's her birthday today.
Yeah.
I don't know, maybe she really,
really was okay with it, you know?
Yeah.
With what?
Turning 30.
I mean, maybe she's right.
See, to me,
it's this big, black wall.
By the time you're 30, you should
pretty much be where you're going.
But where am I?
Alaska.
Yeah, that, too.
Nowhere.
I mean, nowhere I planned to be, anyway.
I had an agenda.
I had goals.
I mean, I remember sitting in the stacks
in my carrel at the library at Columbia...
and all this work
was gonna pay off.
I mean, I figured
by the time I was 30...
I'd be partners
in a practice.
I'd be raking it in. Stuffing money
into tax-deferred pension plans.
I'd be married.
That was before Elaine
dumped you.
Yeah.
It just wasn't
gonna work, anyway.
I mean, not to mention there's a male
baldness pattern in my genetic history...
not to mention there's a steady
decline in the man's sex drive after 18.
There is?
Oh, yeah.
But you know
what the worst thing is?
What?
I won't be
a whiz kid anymore.
You know I skipped
two grades in high school?
No. Why?
Because I was precocious.
Estelle Fleischman's
brilliant little grandson.
She got a lot of mileage out of
that at the Jewish Community Center.
And I bought into it.
Youngest in my debate club.
Youngest intern
in my surgery rotation.
But after 30,
you're just...
I mean, you're another
guy on the rope, pulling.
I mean, I still sew the same sutures,
I still treat the same gout...
but it's expected.
I'm not adorable anymore.
See?
Well, you look okay to me,
Dr. Fleischman.
Thanks. Thank you, Ed.
Forget it.
Well, I didn't mean it
like that. I mean...
well, you're cute.
Better than okay.
I would call you handsome, but
you're really not very tall.
It's more like cute.
Marilyn, before we get
behind the wheel today...
I thought we'd take a
little look under the hood.
Now, you might ask yourself why. Why?
Well, that's a good question.
You know, most people...
they're afraid
of technology.
Their solution is just
to forget it, you know?
They get in the car
and they go.
They move
without understanding.
I want you to always keep in mind
the words of Robert Pirsig, okay?
Who?
Robert Pirsig.
He wrote a book called Zen and
The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
And he pointed out wisely,
I think, Marilyn...
that Buddha's just as comfy in the
gears of a cycle transmission...
as he is in the mountaintops
or the petals of a flower.
Huh?
Let's take a little look-see, shall we?
There she is.
That's the engine, Marilyn.
Isn't she beautiful?
Why do we say "she"?
Maybe because an engine is
both temperamental and powerful.
That is 360 cubic inches
of internal combustion.
Now, the mechanics of an
automobile are relatively simple.
You turn your key, a small
motor starts under there...
that sends a spark to the
sparkplug which is right here.
Now, at the same time, you're
giving her a little gas, right?
Yes.
Okay.
Gas is going into the carburetor,
which is right there...
where it's mixing
with air.
Then at precisely the exact moment,
the spark causes a controlled...
Do you remember
the spark plug?
Good.
Well, that causes
a controlled explosion.
Now that explosion
takes your piston...
which is right here
under this manifold cover...
and it makes it become forced
down. You with me so far?
I think so.
Okay.
Let's talk about torque
for a minute.
Torque?
Torque.
Webster's defines torque as "a force
that produces or tends to produce...
"rotation or torsion
in the drive shaft. "
You have any questions?
Let's go for a spin.
Okay.
# In the pines
In the pines #
# Where the sun never shines #
# And she shivered #
# The whole night through ##
What is this?
Glen?
Why did you write this?
Did you wanna humiliate me?
The letter?
You got the letter?
"When we had sex, you'd make
that little whimpering noise.
"Some women might've
been turned off.
"I thought it was sweet. "
How could you say that?
What?
I never made
any whimpering noise.
I had a deviated septum,
so sometimes...
when I breathed heavily it made a whistling
sound, but I never, never whimpered.
Well, Glen,
it's no big deal. Really.
I mean, it isn't.
It wasn't.
It's just not. I mean, I'm
sure I made noises, too.
Did you stop to think
how this might make me feel?
But you're dead.
Same old Maggie O'Connell.
What?
My feelings don't count.
I don't have any feelings
because I'm dead.
Well, you are.
Aren't you?
What's the point?
I never could talk to you.
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. We can talk. Glen!
Glen, wait! We can talk. I'll listen.
I will. Glen!
Glennie. Glennie!
I'll listen, Glennie.
I'll listen.
And so began
my North County years.
One of the pioneers
of Cicely...
was tavern master
Holling Vincoeur.
Maurice, can I get
you anything?
Yeah, tenderloin, blood rare, side
of rings and a cold one, please.
Loin, still kicking.
When I first met Vincoeur, I
realized I had found a kindred spirit.
I walked into his establishment
and introduced myself.
"Minnifield, United
States astronaut," I said.
My friend, together, you and
I are going to make this town...
a crown jewel
in the final frontier.
Actually, Maurice, you asked,
did I have any sauerkraut.
When I said I didn't, you
said that'd be all right...
'cause you'd
take coleslaw.
I can't very well write that,
now, can I?
Well, I guess not.
Hey, Maurice. Blue or
Thousand on your iceberg?
Scratch that last,
just say...
"I walked into his establishment
and sampled the local fare. "
Which one, Maurice?
I've got a table full of loggers
ready to eat their silverware.
Vincoeur and I, over the years,
established a very warm bond...
as men sometimes do.
But it was not
without its tribulations.
Okay, eat it plain.
You're driving me bat loony with that
tape recorder, Maurice. Give it a rest.
The trouble was over a woman,
as is often the case.
Look, you sure
we didn't miss it?
You said it was just past
a bend. We just passed a bend.
Passed 35 bends.
Look, there it is!
Where?
Maggie's camp.
Hey, I'll be damned.
You're right.
There it is!
How'd you do that?
Go ahead and jump out.
I'll pull the boat up.
There. Her jacket.
Well, now what?
Oh, I think she went this way. You do?
Yep. See there, where that twig
snapped? And there's a footprint.
Huh! You can track?
All right.
Can you learn that
or are you born that way?
Beats me.
O'Connell!
Oh, my God!
It's all of you.
Rick! David! Bruce!
All my boyfriends.
You're here.
Just like you were.
My little boo boos.
Hey, Rick,
when did you get the gut?
It's me, Maggie.
I'm so glad to see you.
You look a little waxy.
Are you wearing blush-on?
I'm dead, Maggie.
How should I look?
Did you get my letter?
"I used to pretend...
"I was asleep so that I
could watch you flexing...
"and preening
in front of the mirror.
"You had this sad need
to be more beautiful than me. "
You did get my letter.
You wanted me to look good.
I was your trophy.
Now suddenly I'm vain? Suddenly,
I'm self-absorbed? I'm preening?
You know, if I gained a pound, one
pound, she'd take away my ice cream.
Hot dog?
Just a sec, Bruce. Rick,
I cared about your health.
I mean, all those
fatty foods?
You know you had
high cholesterol.
And I could just picture your arteries,
you know, the plaque building up like...
layers of paint
on an old windowsill.
That's my metaphor.
Dave, just-
"Like layers of paint
on an old windowsill. "
That's mine.
I wrote that in my book.
You did?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Don't play innocent with me.
You were always co-opting
things I wrote, things I said.
Selective memory, O'Connell.
Remember what you
want to remember.
Why bother
with the rest?
Why are you shivering?
Why do you think? I froze
to death on a glacier.
Or have you forgotten
that, too?
Hey, look, you want
this hot dog or not?
Yes. No.
I don't know.
She always had
to have it both ways.
No, I'm just not hungry.
Constant need with that
patina of independence.
Yeah, she used to go through
my pockets at night.
Okay, I mean, I admit it.
I wasn't perfect. But...
Well, we did have good sex.
We didn't have good sex?
Mediocre. At best.
It was all right,
I guess.
Nothing to write
home about.
I liked it okay.
But I loved you guys.
I did!
Each one of you, you know,
in your own special way.
Rick.
David. Bruce. Glen.
And... you.
Who are you?
Steve.
Steve?
Escandon.
Steve Escandon.
My dad and your dad were golfing
buddies. We went out once.
We saw Chariots of Fire
and then we had some pizza.
We did?
Just that one date?
Yeah.
Did we, uh...
Uh-huh.
But you're not...
Uh, lightning. Oil rig. I was taking
some pictures for an annual report.
Boom.
Great potato salad, Rick.
You wanna pass me the ketchup?
One time in a mall
in Anchorage...
we ran into these two old
friends of hers, Sally and Dick.
Sally and Mike.
It was Sally and Mike.
Let him finish
this story.
She always did that. Always
corrected me. She do that to you?
Yeah, could never get a word
in. Hey, I didn't mean to, okay?
So, Maggie introduced me, but she
didn't tell them we were living together.
It slipped my mind.
Oh, sure.
You were embarrassed.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, she didn't want them to
know. They were her "smart" friends.
Well, you know, if that's
what you wanna believe.
How well I remember
that tone.
Yeah, me, too.
What tone?
Patronizing with just
a hint of sarcasm.
You know, she'd never
confront you directly.
It was always this
approach-avoidance thing.
You know what I mean?
You know? Always.
I never understood
why we were together.
I asked her once and she said, "I
love you because you make me laugh. "
Now, wait a minute. What's wrong
with that? That's a lovely sentiment.
She said it to me, too.
Yeah. Me, too.
Bet she said it to every Tom, Dick,
and Harry that walked through the door.
I can't go on with this.
Why are you doing
this to me?
Why am I doing this to me?
Was there ever
an honest moment?
I mean, did you mean
anything you said?
Well, I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I can't remember.
Selective memory, there.
Very nice.
All right, all right.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm a horrible,
terrible person.
You all are so good,
and I'm so bad.
That's right.
Okay.
Guys, guys. Come on.
That's enough,
give it a rest.
Fleischman? Oh, God.
You didn't kick
the bucket, too?
No.
Ed, nice feathers.
I'm not saying O'Connell
hasn't made a mess of things.
I mean, sure, there's denial.
Sure, she's late getting started.
I mean, 30 years old, she should
be able to make a commitment.
But she is working on it.
Yeah, you tell them.
I mean, have
a little sympathy.
If you had come from the same
kind of dysfunctional family...
where open communications or the
honest expression of emotions...
were shunned like the
plague, you'd be nuts, too.
Hey, lay off Mom and Dad.
Hey, they slept in two different
beds, O'Connell. Who told you that?
You did.
But I see progress here.
I see growth.
I don't see her running
from something.
I see her running
to something.
You think that?
Yeah, sure.
Now, right now, I'm going
to unzip your trousers...
and I'm gonna pull them
down over your hips.
I'll try not to get
turned on.
Here we go,
nice and easy.
Get the IV
out of my bag.
Okay, Maggie, easy.
You tell me if this hurts.
All right, you're gonna be
fine. You're gonna be just fine.
I don't feel good.
This is an IV of spectrum
antibiotics going into your arm, okay?
It'll fight the infection.
What's wrong with me?
You have an inflamed appendix,
that's all. It's gonna be fine.
Take it out.
We're going to.
Throw it in the river.
We're gonna get you to a
hospital. You're gonna be fine.
Okay?
Did you see Rick?
Look, Rick's dead, Maggie. He
was squashed by a satellite.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Hey, Marilyn.
Morning, Chris.
What do you say? You all
ready for your next lesson?
I'm not going.
What'd you mean you're not
going? What, a bad time for you?
You wanna do it later?
Uh-uh.
Come on, Marilyn, we're
gonna have some fun today.
I'm gonna teach you how to
parallel park. I don't want to.
What, you don't
wanna drive?
Uh-uh.
Marilyn, another couple lessons,
you know, I'm gonna have you soloing.
You're doing great, you know? You'll
be all ready to get your license.
I don't want to.
Why?
I miss walking.
Many sought appointments
at Annapolis that year.
What was it that set
me apart from the crowd?
Was it the fire in the belly?
The grit? The determination?
Ruth-Anne, did you move
the kipper snacks?
They'd bite you on the nose if
they were any closer, Maurice.
Oh, yeah, there they are.
All right, now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Eagle Scout, class valedictorian,
state wrestling champion...
at 142 pounds...
President of the Young
Republican Club.
None of that
could hurt that year.
Ruth-Anne, give me
about a dozen of those...
AA batteries, would you?
She's dragging on me
a little bit.
You and me both.
How's Maggie doing?
Ed checked in.
She's doing just fine.
Sailed through
with flying colors.
She'll be home
in a few days.
Good.
That's a girl
with moxie to burn.
Here's a thought.
Yulong Valley dogfight,
my first kill.
Paragraph. RE:
The Vagaries of Existence.
Maurice, could I see
that a minute?
Sure.
It's quite a nifty
little item there.
The Japs are getting real good
at miniaturization.
Mmm-hmm.
My goodness.
Been thinking
about where I'd be...
without those teachers
who taught me.
Earl P. Duffy, Dean of
Discipline back home in juvvy.
Earl P. showed me around the lathe,
and then in the gym, the uppercut...
followed by
the left hook. Pow!
Uncle Roy Bower, respect for the
rifle, the rules of the woods.
Erasmus, reason, the harmonious
shaping of my mental world.
Then it came my turn.
Graduation. From student,
I became teacher.
A chance to...
give back what had been given to
me, light somebody else's fire.
What did I do?
I blew it, plain and simple.
I flamed out.
I flunked the course.
My student came to me with
a desire to know the time...
and I told her
how to make a watch.
Live and learn.
Power to the hour. Another
broadcast day on KBHR.
You up for a visitor?
Fleischman.
How you doing?
Well, I'm so whacked out
on pain pills...
I'm flying.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, you look
like holy hell.
Thanks.
You don't look so hot
yourself.
Well, been up for 36 hours,
thanks to you.
What're you doing here,
anyway?
I came on the helicopter.
Helicopter?
Yeah. Helicopter.
You? You were in
a helicopter?
You're scared
of helicopters.
Yeah, well, I'm right.
They are truly horrible.
They have no wings.
Do you know that?
Don't even have doors.
What was that for?
Happy birthday.
Yeah.
- Hey, morning.
Beautiful morning,
isn't it?
- Yeah, it is. Has its possibilities.
- Yeah, I'll say.
- You're in a good mood.
- Yeah, you know why?
- You had a good breakfast?
- No.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
I'll be 30.
Wow, 30. That's a biggie.
Congratulations.
Yeah, it is,
isn't it?
Yeah. How you
holding up? Okay?
What?
Well, yeah.
I've never been better.
That's good. You know,
'cause here in the West...
we have this morbid fear of aging...
this simplistic glorification of youth.
You know, in the Orient,
old age is revered.
It's a time of wisdom
and influence.
- Well, it's the way it should be.
- Yeah.
You know, we impose all these chronological
imperatives on ourselves, and...
We don't make $1 million
by the time we're 30...
you know, we jump off a bridge.
I know. It's crazy, really.
Yeah, you look at all the arts, you
know, poets, artists, painters...
they're always putting
their head in the oven...
or starting the car
with the garage door down.
- I know. It's a waste.
- Yeah.
Well, they can bend statistics
any way they want, I guess, you know?
What statistics?
You know, those adult crisis shrinks,
Buhler and Daniel Levinson.
You don't get it by the time
you're 30, you ain't gonna get it.
Get what?
Basics.
You know, career track, intimacy.
Well, they're talking
percentages, usually.
- Percentages? Really?
- Yeah.
What percentages?
I don't know, 90%, 95%, around there.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
You still got
5% to play with.
Happy birthday,
I'll see you later.
Yeah. Thanks.
NORTHERN EXPOSURE
4x01 "NORTHWEST PASSAGES"
Subtitles subXpacio
Good morning, Marilyn.
Morning.
What do we have
on the books today?
Splinter removal?
M&M's stuck up some kid's nose?
- No.
- No. Course not.
My colleagues from Columbia
are nipping and tucking...
their way up Park Avenue to Westchester.
I'm stuck in the middle of Alaska just
praying for a case of Lyme disease.
What are you reading?
Driver's manual.
Is that right?
You're getting your driver's license?
That's great. Good for you.
I remember when I took the test.
I missed only two.
Didn't even read it.
Go ahead, ask me something.
Something?
From the thing.
The pamphlet.
Speed limit in a alley.
Speed limit in an alley?
Okay. Okay.
Ten miles an hour.
Uh-uh.
Five?
No.
Come on, higher? Lower?
Give me a hint. It's an alley.
You said to quiz you.
Okay. Fifteen miles.
Fifteen? No kidding.
Well, look, we don't have any
appointments in the foreseeable future.
Come on, I'll give you a driver's lesson.
Uh-uh.
No? Why not?
You make me nervous.
Oh, I make you nervous?
Thank you very much.
I'll tell you what...
you make me nervous.
I make you nervous.
That's great.
That's just beautiful.
Wonderful. I make you nervous.
Morning, Cicely.
Chris in the Morning...
here on KBHR.
Got a hot news flash.
"Guys versus gals eight ball
shootout Friday night at The Brick.
"Half price beer and dogs. "
You don't wanna miss that.
Birthday greetings to our
very own Maggie O'Connell...
who's turning the corner
on the big 3-0 tomorrow.
It's an important marker
on life's journey.
Leaving youth, entering
the middle way.
Safe passage, Mary Margaret.
I got me a little milestone
of my own happening here.
My engineer license came in.
I've been working the board in your
ears for what, two, three years, now?
Now I got me a real, genuine
certificate says I know how.
Does it matter?
I don't know yet.
Does it make a difference?
Does a piece of paper make
two people more married?
Does a bar mitzvah
make a child a man?
Why do I have the urge to legitimize
myself with a piece of paper?
Was it to simply put a Post-It
Note on this chapter in my life?
Or to say to the world, "World,
Kilroy Stevens, too, was here"?
And let's see,
marinated artichokes.
And smoked oysters.
Well, you might as well treat
yourself, huh, Ruth-Anne?
You only go around once.
You said it.
You have a bundle
of mail, dear.
Birthday greetings,
no doubt.
Wow, look at this.
Lynnie Lawrence.
Wouldn't you know, Lynnie Lawrence.
Wow, we were best friends growing up.
Well, isn't that nice?
Oops!
Whoop, got it.
"You're not getting older.
You're already there. "
That's funny.
Very funny, Lynnie.
Wow. These are her kids.
They're so big.
Let's see, "Denny, six.
Matthew, four. "
Cute.
They look just like her, too.
Neat as a little button.
That's the spirit.
What's the spirit?
People are so foolish about their
birthdays, especially big ones like yours.
They seem to think that...
there's a light shining on
everything lacking in their life.
What, like
not having children?
Well...
Well, Ruth-Anne, I'm just 30. There's
plenty of time to have children.
Absolutely.
Plenty. I mean, I could
always do in-vitro or adopt.
And if you never have them, it
won't be the end of the world.
Now, don't make any mistake, I love my
children, and I loved being pregnant.
But if I hadn't had them, I could
have held my head up just fine.
Ruth-Anne, don't forget, I have
a career, you know. I fly a plane.
Yes, you do.
And I have a wonderful life,
you know. Things are great.
And tomorrow's my birthday.
And I hope you have
a very happy one.
Thank you. I will.
Bye-bye, now.
Hey, Chris,
listen to this.
I really nailed her
this time. Chapter One.
You ready?
Yeah.
"Three score and change
in God's green acre...
"I've decided to take time from
the rigors of daily living...
"to look back over the years
and chart the course of a life...
"whose challenges
and achievements...
"may serve as an example and
benefit those who read these pages. "
I like it. I like it.
Read on.
Oh, that's to come,
I've got it all mapped out.
Sort of like a blueprint
here in my head.
How does a lad...
from Tulsa rise to fame
as a United States astronaut?
And how does he parlay
that fame into a vast fortune?
We'll meet his early
influences, his math teacher...
his wrestling coach,
his mother.
That's the beginning, and that's
a good place to start, Maurice.
Yeah.
It'll be my contribution
to space travel literature.
I envision the Book-of-the-Month
Club, Main Selection.
I see libraries, schools.
Maybe a film adaptation,
tasteful, of course...
with George C. Scott
in the later years.
Hey, right.
I can see it.
I'll be right back
with the newest installment.
Hurry up, I can't wait.
Yeah.
One warm beef stew.
I don't know
how you do it, Maggie.
Do it?
Keep it together.
Thirty.
Wow. I mean, I'm looking down
the snout of the big 2-1...
and I'm ready
to call a T-O.
Well, it's really not
all that bad, Shelly.
I mean, actually, I'm
dying to get out of my 20s.
I am. Truly, I am.
I've always wanted to be
in my 30s, actually.
I've always thought the
30s would be my decade...
that I'd come into my own.
Both the 30s
and the 40s.
Yeah, but 30.
You get crow's feet
and chicken chin...
and your nips start heading south,
and your bum turns to yogurt.
It does?
Oh, yeah.
And the competition's coming
up and gaining on you quick.
Who's gonna look at a chick 24
with all these teenage mall-flies...
strutting their booty
and talking their trash?
You'd think
they'd invented spandex.
Morning, Maggie.
Can I top you off?
Guess what, hon?
Maggie's turning 30.
Well.
Bummer, huh?
Maggie's just a baby.
Thirty is a slice of pie.
He would say that.
He's gonna live to be 120.
But she's only got
10 years till 40, Holling.
Then what's
she gonna do?
What are your plans, Maggie?
Did you wanna have
a party?
No. No, actually, I think I'd just like
to spend some quality time with myself.
Quality time?
Well, you know, spend some
time thinking about the past...
laying it all to rest, and
getting that old baggage off...
so I can move on
ahead, you know?
- The Indians do that.
- They do?
Oh, yeah. To hold back
the terrors of aging...
they'll go to the river
and send messages...
to all the people they've
known, dead and alive...
that are holding them
in their past...
and then they think that the great
river delivers those messages.
- Cool.
- Now, that's meaningful.
That's really beautiful. Yeah.
I think I'll do that.
Good morning, friends.
- Holling, cup of java, if you please.
- You got it.
Maggie's turning 30, Maurice.
She's blowing off her party.
She's camping by herself...
and she's unloading all her
old baggage in the river.
Well, congratulations, Maggie.
That's a very important
year in a life.
That's the year they separate
the men from the boys.
Really?
That was the year
I made full colonel.
My, only 30.
Yeah.
Wow.
I think I've got something
about it written here.
Let's see.
Yeah, there we are.
"We were like stallions
in the desert.
"Coop, Shepard, me,
and Schirra...
"in my 30th year.
"Leaving the glory
of our youth behind us...
"and embracing
our middle years. "
Marilyn, I find it's always best...
to look both ways, dear.
You're a little close to this side,
dear. Aim for the center a little more.
Better?
Yeah, that's much better.
You might give it
a tad more gas.
Marilyn! Not so much.
Ease up, for God's sake.
Like this?
Very good. Very good. There's a
parking space. Can you make it?
Okay.
Oh, my God!
Thank goodness.
Back in one piece.
So, how'd I do?
You did very well, Marilyn.
Really?
For the first lesson,
you just did fine.
Same time tomorrow?
I'm afraid not.
I'm too old
for this sort of thing.
Any more stress
on these worn-out nerves...
and they'll snap just like
a frayed old fan belt.
Good luck.
Well, it's been a year
since your last physical.
This better not leave
a bruise, Fleischman.
Keep your mouth shut.
Big day tomorrow, huh?
Mmm-hmm.
Turning 30, boy.
Well, I'm up
against it myself.
Poor baby.
What, you telling me
it doesn't bother you?
Why should it? I have my
whole life ahead of me.
You? You get hysterical if
there's a bunion on your toe.
The death of your youth
doesn't raise a ripple?
That's the difference
between us, Fleischman.
I see a passage,
you see a wall.
Well, you're running a slight
temperature. You feeling okay?
Yeah.
Maybe it's just a bug or
something. It's nothing.
Tell you what I think.
I think you're in denial.
About what?
About what?
Turning 30.
That's ridiculous.
You're so heavily into denial
that you're denying your denial.
Okay, I admit it.
I had some trepidation.
A big life-cycle event
like this.
But no pain no gain,
Fleischman.
I'm not saying
it's not a little scary...
but I'm eager
to get on with it.
Where's the party?
I'm not having one this year.
No party?
No, I'm gonna spend some
quality time with myself.
Quality time
with yourself?
Yes.
I'm going camping.
And Ed told me about this
wonderful Indian ritual...
where you write letters
and resolve issues...
you know, with people from your
past, both living and dead...
and then you send them off
via the great river.
Well, that sounds
like a blast.
Yeah, well, you know, Fleischman,
five minutes of self-examination...
and you'd end up being your
own patient at Bellevue.
Have a ball with yourself,
O'Connell. I will.
Next.
Hey, Marilyn. What
brings you out this way?
You.
Me?
Teach me to drive.
You want me to teach
you to drive? Mmm-hmm.
Oh, wow.
Marilyn, I never did anything
instructive before, you know?
I mean, it's not that I
don't want to. It's just...
it's never come up.
You know me, I'm a student of this
life, you know, I'm not a teacher.
I mean, I'm more like...
More like a sponge...
than a fountain.
You're a good driver.
I am?
I've seen you.
It's true. I am.
I mean, I got a real feel
for the road. I'm experienced.
I've been laying rubber
since I was nine years old.
Hot-wired a Mustang at 10.
Me, a teacher, huh?
Sure, why not?
Marilyn, I'd be glad to teach you
how to drive. It'd be my privilege.
Good.
Hello, Maggie.
Hey, Ed.
Well, I think
that's everything.
Bedroll, fly swatter...
lots of paper and pencils
for writing my letters.
I brought you a map to your place
on the river. X marks the spot.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
I hope you're not offended
that I'm not asking you along.
Oh, no.
'Cause you know, any other time,
I'd really enjoy your company.
We'd have lots of fun.
We'd camp along the river, take
out our kayaks, hook salmon.
Right.
But this is a personal
journey, you know?
A time to contemplate
and reflect.
It's just something
I need to do on my own.
Okay.
I'll write my letters, I'll look at
the stars, I'll set my past to rights.
Sounds really good,
Maggie.
Well, here goes.
Wish me luck.
Say, Maggie, can I ask
you a personal question?
Yeah, I suppose.
Well, how does it feel
to be 30?
Well, almost 30.
It feels good.
It feels really good, Ed.
I feel more confident,
at ease with myself.
Of course, you know, I wish I'd
known at your age what I know now.
But better late
than never, right?
Right.
You know, Ed, I feel like I'm
at a real point of growth...
of transition, like I'm really
opening up to what's inside.
That's why your passage
ritual's so perfect...
because it's a way for me to
unburden myself of everything...
that's been festering
in my guts, you know?
A way for me to expel it into the
universe like a big, popped boil.
Yeah.
Next time you see me,
I'll be a different person.
I'll be...
Well, you'll be 30.
Yeah.
Well, bye.
See you.
Heads up, Fleischman.
We've got an emergency.
I went to take a whiz and
the damn thing wouldn't grasp.
I had to do my business
like a southpaw.
All right, okay, relax,
have a seat.
Ever happened before?
No.
No?
Any other pain
or symptoms?
No. No, I'm as healthy
as a horse. You know that.
110/70.
What is it? What could cause
me to lose the use of my hand?
Well, a lot of possibilities.
Potassium abnormality...
but usually affects large muscle
masses like your thighs or calves.
Tetanus, but you'd
be sick otherwise.
Could be nerve damage.
This is a fine final chapter
to my memoirs.
I reach outer space and I can't even
hold my peter to take a proper pee.
It's your memoirs.
Huh?
Every time I see you, you're
scribbling on this yellow pad.
Yeah, they say a
computer's better, but if...
pencil and paper was good
enough for Hemingway...
it's good enough
for this flyboy.
You have writer's cramp.
Huh?
You grip a pencil for hours on
end, your hand tends to cramp up.
You think so?
Well, in all probability.
I'll be damned.
Well, what are we
gonna do about it?
Lay off the writing
till the hand comes back...
put some heat on it, massage
it. It'll be as good as new.
Uh-uh.
No can do, Joel.
I've got a boy
at Doubleday waiting...
for the first installment
and a prospectus for the rest.
I've set myself a schedule,
and I aim to keep it.
See you, Fleischman.
Hey! Yoo-hoo!
Yeah?
Yeah, excuse me.
Hello.
What are you doing here?
Well, fishing.
Here?
Yeah.
It's a beautiful spot, isn't it?
Best salmon fishing on the river.
Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to move.
Beg your pardon?
Yeah, I need to camp here, so you're
gonna have to fish someplace else.
You want me to move my camp? Yeah.
This is Alaska.
There's 600,000 square miles
of wilderness out here.
There's nobody on this
river for 50 miles.
This is my spot.
But I need to camp here.
You see, I'm from
Grosse Pointe, Michigan...
and I carry around a lot
of baggage from the past.
My parents got divorced
last year and...
you know, I couldn't help feeling
that I've been rebelling...
all my life against something
that didn't exist.
Look, lady-
And my mom...
even though she's kind of
passive-aggressive...
she was totally overbearing, so I have
a lot of invasion issues to work out.
And my dad, well,
he just wasn't there.
I mean, he was there...
but he just had this way of keeping
me at arm's length, you know?
And then I've had all these
boyfriends that just die on me.
I mean, each one has been
a horrible coincidence.
But is it my fault, you know,
that Rick got hit by a satellite?
A satellite?
And then tomorrow's
my 30th birthday.
So, see, what I really want to do
on the eve of my 30th birthday...
is write these letters
to my significant others...
and then mail them
up the river.
And then tomorrow
when I wake up...
the weight will be lifted and
the slate will be wiped clean.
I'll tell you what, lady,
you can have it.
I can?
Yeah.
Write your letters,
do your business...
howl at the moon,
hey, whatever it takes.
I'm out of here.
Great. Thank you.
Diving's kinda like
breathing, see?
You can't think
too much about it.
You're really looking comfortable
behind the wheel, Marilyn.
That's the important thing,
confidence.
Confidence, common sense, and
consciousness. How you feeling?
All right.
Good, good.
You see, the road,
the road is your future.
You, the vehicle, and the road,
you're part of a continuum.
Uh-huh.
Now the vehicle is
just a means...
it's just an enabler,
an extension of your idea.
And that's the joy of it,
the journey.
Now the greater your rapport with
the vehicle, the greater the joy.
Okay.
Take my bike.
Why do I have a Hog?
I could get from A to B in a station
wagon, a minivan, a moped, right?
Uh-huh.
But for me, a Harley-Davidson, it's
the ultimate, ultimate driving machine.
I think, therefore I do. I can
go 50. Boom, boom! I'm going 50.
I like the smell of the
exhaust. I like the rumble.
I lean into a curve,
she's there for me.
This is interesting.
This is very interesting.
Without realizing it, I was
taking all this for granted.
I mean, this is what
teaching means to the teacher.
Makes it all so clear,
so crisp, so present.
Thank you, Marilyn.
You're welcome.
"And now that time
has passed...
"I can look back
on our time together, Rick...
"and see the great happiness
that was ours.
"Cabin by the lake,
our flight checks...
"and midnight mail runs
to Barrow.
"I know that had you lived, you would
have realized the error of your ways...
"and known, too, that I would
forgive you everything, as I do now.
"Fondly always, Maggie. "
Well, guess
that's everybody.
Let's do it.
Whoa!
Guess I got up
too fast.
Okay, let's mail
you guys.
Rick.
Bruce. Bye, Bruce.
David.
Take care of yourself, David.
Glen. Don't take
any wooden nickels, Glen.
I got to lie down.
There's been a lot
of speculation...
throughout history as to
when a boy becomes a man.
At the beginning
of the previous chapter...
I made mention
to an episode...
that took place on the U.S. Grant
Military Academy play yard...
that I would subsequently
refer to.
Will there be anything else
for you, Maurice? One minute.
It concerned fisticuffs with a
young cadet by the name of Stasson.
Sorry. I was afraid
I'd lose my train of thought.
That would be a tragedy.
This young man had accused me
of using a full nelson...
which would clearly have been a
violation of the Rangier Rules...
See you, Maurice.
Excuse me, Maurice.
Hey, Ed.
Morning, Joel. Hi. Do
you know where Maggie is?
She's at the river. I know. Which
one? There are a million rivers.
I need to find her.
You know which one?
Yeah. What's wrong, Joel?
Is everything all right?
No, it isn't. She was in my office
yesterday and she had a slight fever.
She said it was a bug, but I was
running her blood this morning.
Her white counts are
markedly high. 15,000.
Oh, my dear.
That's bad?
Well, it indicates a severe
bacterial infection...
but she's out there
in the middle of nowhere...
writing letters
to a river, so...
Ruth-Anne?
Go. Go! Go!
Bye.
Two waffles
with boysenberry syrup...
ham, a cup of coffee,
two sugars.
The fish is in my pocket.
Huh?
I'm outside.
That's right.
It's my birthday.
Happy birthday.
It's the first day
of the rest of my life.
So what could
happen to her?
Pneumonia, pancreatitis,
appendicitis...
infected gall bladder, kidney, liver.
You can pretty much name your organ, Ed.
How about leukemia?
Yeah, well, I mean, high
polymorphonucleocytes can indicate leukemia.
Maggie could have...
No, she doesn't
have leukemia.
I ran a differential on
her blood after the CBC...
and there were none of the
atypical or abnormal cells...
that would indicate leukemia.
We don't have to worry
about that.
Well, good.
I just wanna get there
before she gets toxic.
Poor Maggie.
It's her birthday today.
Yeah.
I don't know, maybe she really,
really was okay with it, you know?
Yeah.
With what?
Turning 30.
I mean, maybe she's right.
See, to me,
it's this big, black wall.
By the time you're 30, you should
pretty much be where you're going.
But where am I?
Alaska.
Yeah, that, too.
Nowhere.
I mean, nowhere I planned to be, anyway.
I had an agenda.
I had goals.
I mean, I remember sitting in the stacks
in my carrel at the library at Columbia...
and all this work
was gonna pay off.
I mean, I figured
by the time I was 30...
I'd be partners
in a practice.
I'd be raking it in. Stuffing money
into tax-deferred pension plans.
I'd be married.
That was before Elaine
dumped you.
Yeah.
It just wasn't
gonna work, anyway.
I mean, not to mention there's a male
baldness pattern in my genetic history...
not to mention there's a steady
decline in the man's sex drive after 18.
There is?
Oh, yeah.
But you know
what the worst thing is?
What?
I won't be
a whiz kid anymore.
You know I skipped
two grades in high school?
No. Why?
Because I was precocious.
Estelle Fleischman's
brilliant little grandson.
She got a lot of mileage out of
that at the Jewish Community Center.
And I bought into it.
Youngest in my debate club.
Youngest intern
in my surgery rotation.
But after 30,
you're just...
I mean, you're another
guy on the rope, pulling.
I mean, I still sew the same sutures,
I still treat the same gout...
but it's expected.
I'm not adorable anymore.
See?
Well, you look okay to me,
Dr. Fleischman.
Thanks. Thank you, Ed.
Forget it.
Well, I didn't mean it
like that. I mean...
well, you're cute.
Better than okay.
I would call you handsome, but
you're really not very tall.
It's more like cute.
Marilyn, before we get
behind the wheel today...
I thought we'd take a
little look under the hood.
Now, you might ask yourself why. Why?
Well, that's a good question.
You know, most people...
they're afraid
of technology.
Their solution is just
to forget it, you know?
They get in the car
and they go.
They move
without understanding.
I want you to always keep in mind
the words of Robert Pirsig, okay?
Who?
Robert Pirsig.
He wrote a book called Zen and
The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
And he pointed out wisely,
I think, Marilyn...
that Buddha's just as comfy in the
gears of a cycle transmission...
as he is in the mountaintops
or the petals of a flower.
Huh?
Let's take a little look-see, shall we?
There she is.
That's the engine, Marilyn.
Isn't she beautiful?
Why do we say "she"?
Maybe because an engine is
both temperamental and powerful.
That is 360 cubic inches
of internal combustion.
Now, the mechanics of an
automobile are relatively simple.
You turn your key, a small
motor starts under there...
that sends a spark to the
sparkplug which is right here.
Now, at the same time, you're
giving her a little gas, right?
Yes.
Okay.
Gas is going into the carburetor,
which is right there...
where it's mixing
with air.
Then at precisely the exact moment,
the spark causes a controlled...
Do you remember
the spark plug?
Good.
Well, that causes
a controlled explosion.
Now that explosion
takes your piston...
which is right here
under this manifold cover...
and it makes it become forced
down. You with me so far?
I think so.
Okay.
Let's talk about torque
for a minute.
Torque?
Torque.
Webster's defines torque as "a force
that produces or tends to produce...
"rotation or torsion
in the drive shaft. "
You have any questions?
Let's go for a spin.
Okay.
# In the pines
In the pines #
# Where the sun never shines #
# And she shivered #
# The whole night through ##
What is this?
Glen?
Why did you write this?
Did you wanna humiliate me?
The letter?
You got the letter?
"When we had sex, you'd make
that little whimpering noise.
"Some women might've
been turned off.
"I thought it was sweet. "
How could you say that?
What?
I never made
any whimpering noise.
I had a deviated septum,
so sometimes...
when I breathed heavily it made a whistling
sound, but I never, never whimpered.
Well, Glen,
it's no big deal. Really.
I mean, it isn't.
It wasn't.
It's just not. I mean, I'm
sure I made noises, too.
Did you stop to think
how this might make me feel?
But you're dead.
Same old Maggie O'Connell.
What?
My feelings don't count.
I don't have any feelings
because I'm dead.
Well, you are.
Aren't you?
What's the point?
I never could talk to you.
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. We can talk. Glen!
Glen, wait! We can talk. I'll listen.
I will. Glen!
Glennie. Glennie!
I'll listen, Glennie.
I'll listen.
And so began
my North County years.
One of the pioneers
of Cicely...
was tavern master
Holling Vincoeur.
Maurice, can I get
you anything?
Yeah, tenderloin, blood rare, side
of rings and a cold one, please.
Loin, still kicking.
When I first met Vincoeur, I
realized I had found a kindred spirit.
I walked into his establishment
and introduced myself.
"Minnifield, United
States astronaut," I said.
My friend, together, you and
I are going to make this town...
a crown jewel
in the final frontier.
Actually, Maurice, you asked,
did I have any sauerkraut.
When I said I didn't, you
said that'd be all right...
'cause you'd
take coleslaw.
I can't very well write that,
now, can I?
Well, I guess not.
Hey, Maurice. Blue or
Thousand on your iceberg?
Scratch that last,
just say...
"I walked into his establishment
and sampled the local fare. "
Which one, Maurice?
I've got a table full of loggers
ready to eat their silverware.
Vincoeur and I, over the years,
established a very warm bond...
as men sometimes do.
But it was not
without its tribulations.
Okay, eat it plain.
You're driving me bat loony with that
tape recorder, Maurice. Give it a rest.
The trouble was over a woman,
as is often the case.
Look, you sure
we didn't miss it?
You said it was just past
a bend. We just passed a bend.
Passed 35 bends.
Look, there it is!
Where?
Maggie's camp.
Hey, I'll be damned.
You're right.
There it is!
How'd you do that?
Go ahead and jump out.
I'll pull the boat up.
There. Her jacket.
Well, now what?
Oh, I think she went this way. You do?
Yep. See there, where that twig
snapped? And there's a footprint.
Huh! You can track?
All right.
Can you learn that
or are you born that way?
Beats me.
O'Connell!
Oh, my God!
It's all of you.
Rick! David! Bruce!
All my boyfriends.
You're here.
Just like you were.
My little boo boos.
Hey, Rick,
when did you get the gut?
It's me, Maggie.
I'm so glad to see you.
You look a little waxy.
Are you wearing blush-on?
I'm dead, Maggie.
How should I look?
Did you get my letter?
"I used to pretend...
"I was asleep so that I
could watch you flexing...
"and preening
in front of the mirror.
"You had this sad need
to be more beautiful than me. "
You did get my letter.
You wanted me to look good.
I was your trophy.
Now suddenly I'm vain? Suddenly,
I'm self-absorbed? I'm preening?
You know, if I gained a pound, one
pound, she'd take away my ice cream.
Hot dog?
Just a sec, Bruce. Rick,
I cared about your health.
I mean, all those
fatty foods?
You know you had
high cholesterol.
And I could just picture your arteries,
you know, the plaque building up like...
layers of paint
on an old windowsill.
That's my metaphor.
Dave, just-
"Like layers of paint
on an old windowsill. "
That's mine.
I wrote that in my book.
You did?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Don't play innocent with me.
You were always co-opting
things I wrote, things I said.
Selective memory, O'Connell.
Remember what you
want to remember.
Why bother
with the rest?
Why are you shivering?
Why do you think? I froze
to death on a glacier.
Or have you forgotten
that, too?
Hey, look, you want
this hot dog or not?
Yes. No.
I don't know.
She always had
to have it both ways.
No, I'm just not hungry.
Constant need with that
patina of independence.
Yeah, she used to go through
my pockets at night.
Okay, I mean, I admit it.
I wasn't perfect. But...
Well, we did have good sex.
We didn't have good sex?
Mediocre. At best.
It was all right,
I guess.
Nothing to write
home about.
I liked it okay.
But I loved you guys.
I did!
Each one of you, you know,
in your own special way.
Rick.
David. Bruce. Glen.
And... you.
Who are you?
Steve.
Steve?
Escandon.
Steve Escandon.
My dad and your dad were golfing
buddies. We went out once.
We saw Chariots of Fire
and then we had some pizza.
We did?
Just that one date?
Yeah.
Did we, uh...
Uh-huh.
But you're not...
Uh, lightning. Oil rig. I was taking
some pictures for an annual report.
Boom.
Great potato salad, Rick.
You wanna pass me the ketchup?
One time in a mall
in Anchorage...
we ran into these two old
friends of hers, Sally and Dick.
Sally and Mike.
It was Sally and Mike.
Let him finish
this story.
She always did that. Always
corrected me. She do that to you?
Yeah, could never get a word
in. Hey, I didn't mean to, okay?
So, Maggie introduced me, but she
didn't tell them we were living together.
It slipped my mind.
Oh, sure.
You were embarrassed.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, she didn't want them to
know. They were her "smart" friends.
Well, you know, if that's
what you wanna believe.
How well I remember
that tone.
Yeah, me, too.
What tone?
Patronizing with just
a hint of sarcasm.
You know, she'd never
confront you directly.
It was always this
approach-avoidance thing.
You know what I mean?
You know? Always.
I never understood
why we were together.
I asked her once and she said, "I
love you because you make me laugh. "
Now, wait a minute. What's wrong
with that? That's a lovely sentiment.
She said it to me, too.
Yeah. Me, too.
Bet she said it to every Tom, Dick,
and Harry that walked through the door.
I can't go on with this.
Why are you doing
this to me?
Why am I doing this to me?
Was there ever
an honest moment?
I mean, did you mean
anything you said?
Well, I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I can't remember.
Selective memory, there.
Very nice.
All right, all right.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm a horrible,
terrible person.
You all are so good,
and I'm so bad.
That's right.
Okay.
Guys, guys. Come on.
That's enough,
give it a rest.
Fleischman? Oh, God.
You didn't kick
the bucket, too?
No.
Ed, nice feathers.
I'm not saying O'Connell
hasn't made a mess of things.
I mean, sure, there's denial.
Sure, she's late getting started.
I mean, 30 years old, she should
be able to make a commitment.
But she is working on it.
Yeah, you tell them.
I mean, have
a little sympathy.
If you had come from the same
kind of dysfunctional family...
where open communications or the
honest expression of emotions...
were shunned like the
plague, you'd be nuts, too.
Hey, lay off Mom and Dad.
Hey, they slept in two different
beds, O'Connell. Who told you that?
You did.
But I see progress here.
I see growth.
I don't see her running
from something.
I see her running
to something.
You think that?
Yeah, sure.
Now, right now, I'm going
to unzip your trousers...
and I'm gonna pull them
down over your hips.
I'll try not to get
turned on.
Here we go,
nice and easy.
Get the IV
out of my bag.
Okay, Maggie, easy.
You tell me if this hurts.
All right, you're gonna be
fine. You're gonna be just fine.
I don't feel good.
This is an IV of spectrum
antibiotics going into your arm, okay?
It'll fight the infection.
What's wrong with me?
You have an inflamed appendix,
that's all. It's gonna be fine.
Take it out.
We're going to.
Throw it in the river.
We're gonna get you to a
hospital. You're gonna be fine.
Okay?
Did you see Rick?
Look, Rick's dead, Maggie. He
was squashed by a satellite.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Hey, Marilyn.
Morning, Chris.
What do you say? You all
ready for your next lesson?
I'm not going.
What'd you mean you're not
going? What, a bad time for you?
You wanna do it later?
Uh-uh.
Come on, Marilyn, we're
gonna have some fun today.
I'm gonna teach you how to
parallel park. I don't want to.
What, you don't
wanna drive?
Uh-uh.
Marilyn, another couple lessons,
you know, I'm gonna have you soloing.
You're doing great, you know? You'll
be all ready to get your license.
I don't want to.
Why?
I miss walking.
Many sought appointments
at Annapolis that year.
What was it that set
me apart from the crowd?
Was it the fire in the belly?
The grit? The determination?
Ruth-Anne, did you move
the kipper snacks?
They'd bite you on the nose if
they were any closer, Maurice.
Oh, yeah, there they are.
All right, now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Eagle Scout, class valedictorian,
state wrestling champion...
at 142 pounds...
President of the Young
Republican Club.
None of that
could hurt that year.
Ruth-Anne, give me
about a dozen of those...
AA batteries, would you?
She's dragging on me
a little bit.
You and me both.
How's Maggie doing?
Ed checked in.
She's doing just fine.
Sailed through
with flying colors.
She'll be home
in a few days.
Good.
That's a girl
with moxie to burn.
Here's a thought.
Yulong Valley dogfight,
my first kill.
Paragraph. RE:
The Vagaries of Existence.
Maurice, could I see
that a minute?
Sure.
It's quite a nifty
little item there.
The Japs are getting real good
at miniaturization.
Mmm-hmm.
My goodness.
Been thinking
about where I'd be...
without those teachers
who taught me.
Earl P. Duffy, Dean of
Discipline back home in juvvy.
Earl P. showed me around the lathe,
and then in the gym, the uppercut...
followed by
the left hook. Pow!
Uncle Roy Bower, respect for the
rifle, the rules of the woods.
Erasmus, reason, the harmonious
shaping of my mental world.
Then it came my turn.
Graduation. From student,
I became teacher.
A chance to...
give back what had been given to
me, light somebody else's fire.
What did I do?
I blew it, plain and simple.
I flamed out.
I flunked the course.
My student came to me with
a desire to know the time...
and I told her
how to make a watch.
Live and learn.
Power to the hour. Another
broadcast day on KBHR.
You up for a visitor?
Fleischman.
How you doing?
Well, I'm so whacked out
on pain pills...
I'm flying.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, you look
like holy hell.
Thanks.
You don't look so hot
yourself.
Well, been up for 36 hours,
thanks to you.
What're you doing here,
anyway?
I came on the helicopter.
Helicopter?
Yeah. Helicopter.
You? You were in
a helicopter?
You're scared
of helicopters.
Yeah, well, I'm right.
They are truly horrible.
They have no wings.
Do you know that?
Don't even have doors.
What was that for?
Happy birthday.
Yeah.