Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 1, Episode 4 - Dreams, Schemes and Putting Greens - full transcript
Shelly becomes pregnant and a wedding is arranged, but Holling has a deep-rooted fear - both his father and grandfather lived over a century, while their wives died young, leaving them alone and grieving for over sixty years each. Holling vowed to avoid their fate. Meanwhile, Maurice and Fleischman entertain a Japanese investor interested in building a resort in Cicely.
Fore! Fore! Ed!
Ed! Ed!
Didn't you hear me yell "Fore"?
The ball was headed straight for you!
I know, I saw it.
Till it hooked way off thataway.
You up here for some specific reason,
or was it a little slow in the woods today?
No, they're about the same as always.
Do you realise that guys
I first met in Anatomy 1A
are now on the first tee at Silver Lake?
Tradin' stock tips,
referrin' patients to one another...
The worst part is, their game improves,
and I don't even have
a decent place to practise.
I found it.
Ah, what's the use?
My game might as well be back
in New York with the rest of my life.
- You know what I would do?
- About what?
Lay Astroturf over this whole road,
have yourself a real golf course.
Yeah! We'll put in a windmill,
call it Fleischman's Mini-Putt
Yeah, they got here.
They're squawking away over here.
I don't know, but they're smiling and
bowing a lot, so I guess everything's OK.
Yeah, you can start the countdown
anytime now. OK.
That was my man on the radio.
You were sayin', Mr Chiba?
Just that the majority of Mr Masuto's
resort communities are on the Big Island.
Oh, yeah? I've been to Hawaii.
They got their sun, they got their water,
but you could take Big Island, plop it on
top of Mount McKinley, with all its lava,
still have room for a leper colony.
- Pipe down.
- .. Masuto and Mr Vincent Chiba.
Howdy, boys!
You likey, huh?
In Hawaii, they'll fix you up with a luau
and roast you a pig.
But in Alaska, we have what the executive
consumer will pay through the nose for
in the way of a vacation destination:
elbow room!
You know what I mean? Elbow room.
- What's with him?
- He's going to vomit.
Not in the car!
Hey, Dr Fleischman, how many times
a day do you wash your hands?
Good question.
I don't know. Guess it depends how many
patients I see: five, ten, fifty.
- Do you ever use Wash'n Dris?
- When I eat ribs.
We use 'em at work. They really get out
the grease. And they smell nice.
Is that right?
Anyway, let me explain
the procedure to you.
With a new patient, I like to take
a medical history and do an examination.
What's wrong is my stomach's been
yucky and I've been getting sick a lot.
I'm sorry to hear that. For how long?
- About two months.
- I see. Could be a virus.
Since I missed my last two periods, I did
one of those tests where you pee in a cup,
- and it turned blue.
- Well, um...
an ultrasound is warranted,
but I haven't got one, so...
I'm gonna take a wild stab
and suggest you might be pregnant.
- That's what I was thinking too.
- Oh.
I take it it's an unplanned pregnancy?
D'you wanna...?
- No!
- No, what?
- What were you gonna say?
- D'you wanna take your coat off?
- OK.
- Good.
- Why don't you just lie back here?
- OK.
Make yourself comfortable.
- What exactly is the problem, Shelly?
- Holling.
- He doesn't want a baby?
- No. Maybe.
I don't know. He doesn't know yet.
He saw the cup this morning, but I said
Ruth-Anne was giving away free Mr Toilet.
I think you ought to tell him.
Sit up, please.
- Couldn't you tell him, Dr Fleischman?
- I don't think so.
It might be more meaningful
coming from you.
Why don't you give me
another urine sample?
And I'll write you up
a prescription for vitamins.
And there's a pamphlet
I want you to read on prenatal care.
- OK.
- So, uh...
no drinking, no smoking,
no bucking broncos. All right?
So sex is out?
Only for me.
I don't care what he's doing. I wanna
see him, and I wanna see him now.
- What's the problem?
- He won't wait his turn.
This man is sick, Joel.
He puked in my Caddy.
Rice pellets all over my dashboard.
Yuck!
Mr Chiba, Mr Masuto,
this is Dr Joel Fleischman.
Nice to meet you. Take a seat.
Sorry you're not feeling well.
- Where does it hurt?
- His stomach is upset.
- It started on the plane from Hawaii.
- Ah.
Tell him it's probably just turbulence,
or maybe the airline food,
but I'll poke around, just to be safe.
Tell him that Dr Fleischman is the kind
of enterprising young professional
who's chosen to stake his claim right here
on the banks of the Alaskan Riviera.
Tell him I'm being held against my will.
There's nothing
this young man can't handle.
If you want a Cadillac, go to Detroit.
If you want a doctor, go to New York City.
Say "Ah".
- Ah.
- Ah.
Careful there, son. Those are
valuable glands you're examining.
- What business are you guys in?
- Trucking.
- Trucking?
- And docks.
- Ducks?
- Docks.
- Docks!
- Just let it be, Fleischman.
Let's just say that Mr Masuto's got
a very highly diversified portfolio.
- He's also got wax.
- He's gonna build a resort in Cicely.
- Really?
- If we can agree on the figures.
We can agree on the figures!
Yeah, it's gonna be a state-of-the-art hotel
complex, 1,000 rooms, swimming pools,
riding stable, tennis courts,
18-hole golf course.
- Golf course?
- Yeah.
Would you excuse us
for one moment, please?
Tell him to disrobe.
I want in.
I want in, so I can get out.
- Now just listen to me. Just hear me out.
- What?
A resort this size
will need a highly-paid physician, right?
- What are you drivin' at?
- I will do it full-time, and for peanuts.
- In return for what?
- Um...
A one-year reduction in my sentence?
What's so funny?
You're gonna need someone
to help sell the area.
I'm urban, I'm professional,
and I'm desperate.
You know, you got a point there, son.
Hey, I'm the perfect prototype of
the new and improved modern Alaskan.
The most important thing
in dealing with these people is bonding.
You got to do all you can to break down
the cultural barriers to close the deal.
- Are you ready for somethin' like that?
- Oh, yeah!
I love sushi.
- Shelly, you're agonising.
- I am?
I suppose I am.
But how do you tell your old man
that your pee turned blue?
It really depends on
the type of man you're dealing with.
If he's a romantic, break it to him over
a candlelit dinner and a bottle of wine.
Holling likes draught beer.
Or if he's a musician,
you could take him to a concert.
Or if he's an arrogant, condescending
professional from New York,
you'd probably want
to raise the kid on your own.
But a man like Holling - a gentle man,
a mature man, a man's man?
The direct approach would be the best.
- You mean, like, just say it?
- Just say it.
- OK.
- OK.
Come on, boys!
Never negotiate, never turn your back
on 'em, and never mention Pearl Harbor.
- Right.
- Wine 'em and dine 'em till they drop,
and then stick them with the tab
before they stick you.
Oh, good. Here's our mayor now.
Holling Vincoeur, I'd like you to meet
two very special VIP guests...
It's just an honorary title anyway.
Gentlemen, if you'll step right in,
make yourselves at home.
- What the hell's the problem?
- She's pregnant.
Preggies? Who's preggies?
- Shelly.
- My Shelly?
Mr Minnifield? Mr Minnifield!
Oh, yeah. Gentlemen, please.
What happened? He got angry?
No, he just dropped
what he was doing and left.
- So why's she crying?
- Haven't you ever heard of hormones?
What is this, a pop quiz?
Yeah, I've heard of hormones.
Oestrogen, progesterone, testosterone -
which obviously regulates you.
- Wanna know what I think?
- Do I care?
- Do I care if you care?
- Hey, look, O'Connell...
You made a real mess of things here.
I know.
I never thought of myself
as the marryin' kind, but...
there's no one in the world
I would rather marry than you.
Shelly, honey, will you marry me?
OK.
Maurice! What are you doin'?!
The guys are gettin' restless.
Sake's not my beverage of choice.
Just take small sips.
If we're gonna bond with these guys,
there's gotta be a toast.
All right, let's do it.
Sorry about the delay.
The microwave was made in Korea!
Oh!
Tell Mr Masuto that, as a doctor,
I can't recommend that he drinks liquor.
But, as a friend,
I'd like to propose a toast.
To a long and fruitful relationship.
I gotta hand it to you people.
You got the resiliency of ants.
45 years ago we bombed you into a pulp.
Now you practically own
the whole Pacific Rim.
Lock, stock and barrel.
I say I'chaim.
- L'chaim.
- L'chaim!
And you know how to treat your women.
I mean, you guys
practically set the standard.
- What Maurice means...
- How can they kick you in the jewels
when they're walkin'
six paces behind you?
Of course, they can stab you in the back
and rip your heart out.
Hm, yeah.
So, anyway...
I was the one who originally
brought Shelly to town.
I first met her right after she was crowned
Miss Northwest Passage.
I was one of the judges.
She was not the best-looking one of the
bunch, but she had this look about her.
You know what I mean?
Well...
you'll have to excuse me.
I've gotta go sit on the can
for a little while.
Warm liquor gives me gas.
Excuse me.
Maurice! We're in the middle of a toast.
What's the deal?
The deal?
The deal is she dumped me for him,
and now she's carrying his baby.
That's the deal.
We saw the satellite dish outside. Do you
think we can pick up the Kemper Open?
You guys like golf, huh?
- How deep d'you want this hole?
- 4 inches, with a 4.5-inch diameter.
I gotta hand it to you, Ed. Great idea.
Mr Masuto was very impressed.
Yeah. I swiped it from
a National Geographic special on Iceland.
All these bumps will be smoothed out
before you tee up.
Mr Masuto wants to draw up plans
for a 36-hole, all-Astroturf golf course,
- complete with drainage, at his resort.
- You'll be the doctor?
The attending physician.
That's the game plan anyway.
"Physician in residence"
at a top-of-the-line vacation resort.
Sort of like Gopher on Love Boat?
Gopher was the purser.
Now he's a... he's a what?
- Congressman.
- Right.
Too bad the show was a hit -
he might've been an ex-president.
Isaac was the bartender,
and Captain Stubing was the captain.
Right. OK, Ed, you're doin' a great job.
Remember you gotta
stretch out these seams.
- Stretch out these seams!
- I wonder what she wants.
I don't have to justify myself to you!
You don't see anything tacky
about dropping a lime-green rug here?
To you it's a rug, to me it's a 355-yard
par four with two sand traps and a dogleg.
Then why don't you just hoist a canvas
over the trees, paint it blue...?
- That's not a bad idea.
- Drain the lake, line it with concrete,
- stock it with goldfish!
- Did you just come here to give me grief?
- You're in the wedding party.
- I am? Why?
Holling didn't care who his best man was,
Shelly picked you.
- Why?
- You're her OB.
- What?!
- Just be there, Fleischman, on time.
- And try to be festive.
- Any other commands?
- Shelly would like Maurice to sing.
- Don't count on him.
- Why not?
- He's in negotiations with the Japanese.
- A lame excuse. Make sure he's there.
- Why can't you?
You're the best man.
Do something to earn your job distinction.
- What's your job title?
- Maid of honour.
Heavy load
You wanna go over
the ceremony with Chris?
- With Chris?
- He's ordained.
- Chris is ordained?!
- He answered an ad in Rolling Stone.
- Rolling Stone?!
- Stop repeating everything I say.
It's annoying, and I'm in a time crunch.
- I gotta go pick out the menu.
- You love every minute of it.
I do not. I detest weddings.
I don't have to justify myself to you.
- Daddy!
- Hey, baby girl!
- Where's Uncle Bart and Aunt Louise?
- They had to stay at the cannery.
That's what happens when your girl gets
knocked up in the middle of a salmon run.
Daddy, this is your soon-to-be son-in-law,
Holling Vincoeur.
Holling, this is my daddy, Gorman Tambo.
Your soon-to-be second father.
- Howdy.
- Pleased to meet you, sir.
- Holling, please.
- Holling.
Isn't he just the coolest?
I gotta go to Betsy Palmer's
to get my dress fitted.
Why don't you sit down, get a little buzz
on and get to know each other?
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Bye.
So, uh... can I get you anything?
You got any Drambuie?
Uh... no.
Well, then a pitcher of draught
should do it.
You know, to be honest, I was...
I was kinda hopin' Shelly would
get hitched to that astronaut fella.
Have you ever met Maurice?
I... I admit he don't have
all his oars in the water,
but he's sure got a lot of cash, huh?
I guess it must be strange
for a father like yourself
to be giving away his only girl
to a total stranger.
Not really.
Shelly took off when she was 14,
and she's been down a road or two
since then, huh?
- You been married before?
- No. No, no, I haven't.
Four-time loser, myself.
- Anyway, good luck.
- Well, thank you very much.
I don't think I'll need it. I want you to know
that Shelly and I are very much in love.
I wanna do this right by formally asking
for your daughter's hand in marriage.
How old are you?
I'm 62.
Mr Masuto respectfully says
you're putting your head up,
and that your grip is all wrong.
But he'd be honoured
to play another round.
Well, you can tell Mr Masuto
that I would be honoured to honour him.
Smart shank, Fleischman.
You're forging a bond with these ninjas
tighter than a G-string on a sumo wrestler.
- I wasn't trying to.
- And by letting them win,
you're lulling them into
a false sense of superiority.
How long before this deal is closed?
These guys make me nervous.
We'll seal the hatch on it after I take
Wing and Wang upriver tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Shelly's getting married tomorrow.
- So?
- She wants you to sing at the ceremony.
I can't very well do that if I'm gonna
be in the next county all day, can I?
- I guess not.
- You guess right.
Look, Maurice, I've been jilted.
Everybody's been jilted.
What's jilted got to do with anything?
I wish 'em well. I... Well, I really do!
If she wants to live over a bar
with a man who doesn't believe in guns...
If that'll make her happy,
that's fine with me.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Where is he?
You were supposed to bring him.
Where is he?
- Maurice asked me to send his...
- Not Maurice. Holling.
- Holling? Holling isn't here?
- The best man should keep tabs on him.
But all you care about is wheeling
and dealing on plastic grass!
- Maggie...
- You don't care about her.
Look, O'Connell...
Maggie, it's not Dr Fleischman's fault
Holling didn't come.
If you leave now,
you can make the graveyard shift.
- Oh, no. Don't think that, Shelly.
- She's right. Don't think that.
You know Holling.
He probably just forgot what time it is.
It hasn't even been an hour yet.
I looked everywhere, and he's nowhere.
Well...
OK, I'm gonna go. Hold this a second.
This is no longer bonding, defined as
"that which binds, links, unionises".
This is playing golf in a thunderstorm,
defined as "absurd and totally insane"!
Come on, son. Look at 'em out there,
quackin' away like
a couple of mallards on a marsh.
I'm talkin' about me!
Joel, unless I'm mistaken, I didn't ask you
in. You asked to be let in. Am I right?
Yes, but...
And this is your first taste of wheelin'
and dealin' with the big boys, right?
Granted, it's a little humid out there,
and you are sounding a little nasal,
but the forecast for this deal
is sunny and mild.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- When's the deal gonna close?
- Soon. Trust me.
- OK, but...
- Shh!
This is Chris,
and we're on the phone lines.
- Who am I talkin' to?
- Jewels, up on the Kayak River.
- Jewels, what's on your mind today?
- I went up to Baker's Point to find Holling.
- He used to make camp there with...
- Cut to the chase, Jewels.
All I saw was a couple of empty beer cans
and used condoms.
Not a trace of Holling. Not even a track.
He's halfway to the Arctic Circle now.
Where's your sense of compassion?
I'm as compassionate as the day is long!
I'm just not sheddin' tears
over anything obvious.
You knew Holling
wouldn't go through with the wedding?
Shelly and Holling
were doomed from the first.
They just never fit together. He doesn't
know what makes her tick the way I do.
Shelly didn't walk out on Holling.
He stood her up.
I saw that look in her eyes
when she walked out of your office.
- That was morning sickness.
- I've got nothing personal against Holling.
But one of these days, sooner or later,
Shelly is gonna come to her senses
and find her way back to my doorstep.
Your play, Dr Fleischman!
Honky Tonk Angels" by Kitty Wells)
Uh, you got 'em mixed up.
But I suppose I could eat his.
Just a bit touchy today, ain't you, Shel?
Back off!
Hello, Shelly.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
- Yesterday?
- Yeah, you know...
What?
About, uh...
standin' you up for the wedding.
Oh, that.
I guess the time just got away from me.
- I guess.
- I was up on Cripple Creek.
I got a picture. I hope it turns out.
It's of a fish hawk
with its shadow across the face of a rock.
Jeez, Shelly!
- You're mad.
- Good guess.
Well, you've a right to be mad,
I... I reckon.
You reckon?
You reckon?!
I've never been so humiliated in my life.
You could have warned me!
What do you think I am, some kid?
If you're marrying me because
you think you have to, then think again.
I want you to marry me cos you feel the
same way about me that I feel about you.
I do!
You may think that, since you're so much
older, you know more about the world.
Well, in some cases, that may be.
But I read magazines.
I watch TV.
I know how people
are supposed to treat each other.
Another half-inch,
this would have been a terrible tragedy.
- Shelly's got good aim.
- You've got good luck.
It's not too deep a gash,
so there shouldn't be much of a scar.
Thanks, Joel.
I didn't get a chance
to thank you for bein' my best man.
- Well, almost, that is.
- Well, I'm glad to almost do it, Holling.
Joel, may I speak with you for a moment?
Yeah, sure.
I've never been one to scare easily,
but then, all of a sudden, it...
You see...
for 40 years I have been alone,
on my own, and life has been good.
But now, it's...
- What? Now it's what?
- It's better.
- That's great. Then what's the problem?
- I was born in the Yukon.
- I was an only child.
- Uh-huh?
My father kicked the bucket
when he was 104.
- Really?
- My grandfather, God bless him,
he shuffled off when he was 106.
My mother, on the other hand,
died when she was 42.
My grandmother passed on
when she was 44.
And neither man ever remarried.
The Vincoeurs have always been known,
for generations, as one-woman men.
- Myself included.
- Shelly adores you.
I know that, Joel. I do.
But that doesn't change the fact that
I'm slated to be alive for another 45 years.
What if Shelly's not there with me
at the end?
She's 18 years old, Holling!
In 45 years, she'll be... 63.
An errant snowmobile aside,
she's got a long and full life ahead.
One would think.
But life's a cruel mistress, Joel.
What if something does happen to her?
I remember plainly my... my father
and my grandfather's pain and sadness.
They lived alone
for the last 60 years of their lives,
without the women
who'd made life itself worthwhile.
Now, I promised myself
I would never get married,
never go through what they had.
Not even if it meant
never allowing myself to fall in love.
I've done a good job of it, too.
Until now.
- Thank you. I'll see you later.
- OK.
Hey, Fleischman.
The wedding's back on.
- Holling and Shelly?
- No, Fleischman, Laurel and Hardy
Tomorrow at five.
Let's bring dignity to it this time.
Dignity, me? What are you insinuating?
- Late show, no groom, bad socks.
- Hey, my fianc?e gave me those socks!
You're best man, I'm maid of honour.
We set the tone, we set the example.
All I'm asking is that, years from now,
when we're just a distasteful memory
to each other,
we can say we helped create a charming,
touching ceremony. What d'you say?
What time did you book 'em out
on the honeymoon moose?
Fine. You stay on your side of the aisle,
I'll stay on mine.
Wait, wait. Just wait!
You're right. You're right,
and I agree with you.
As members of the wedding,
we should put our best foot forward
and lie about
how much we loathe each other.
Good.
- Sorry what I said about the socks.
- I hadn't done my laundry in two weeks.
Anyway, they look great in the gym.
So what about you? I guess
you'll be getting married in New York.
Me and Elaine? Oh, yeah, New York.
Big Apple family, you know.
- Are you?
- Rick and me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I guess. I mean, maybe.
Who knows? But sure. Why not?
- I don't know. No reason.
- OK.
Gotta go.
- Maurice?
- Shelly!
- OK if I come in?
- Please, yeah.
Don't ask me if Holling knows
if I'm here or not, cos he doesn't.
Don't get spooked. It's just business.
Hey, guess what I've got on the second
shelf in the fridge. Had it for six months.
A Diet Cherry Pepsi.
I'll get it for you.
Thanks, but it'll just make me pee.
So, little missy.
- How you been?
- I'm OK.
Except for when I get the twirly-whirlies.
Uh-huh? Well, you're...
you're lookin' real good, Shelly.
- You're making my stomach gurgle.
- That's a start, darlin'.
What I'm trying to say is you're not
making what I came to ask you very easy.
Oh. Well, I don't mean to do that.
I'm just as pleased as Punch
that you came back, Shelly.
I've been countin' the days,
tickin' 'em off one by one.
Maurice...
Do you want me
to help you get the words out?
You wanna come home to Daddy, right?
No! I want you to sing at my wedding.
- What?!
- It would mean a lot to me and Holling.
He walked out on you. He left you
standing at the altar in disgrace!
He walked back in. And he re-asked me
to remarry him tomorrow. I've re-said yes.
- What did you expect?
- Well...
I don't know, I...
Well, I thought that we... You...
- Well, I thought that I would...
- Hop on me?
Well, no!
Well, not right away.
Shelly! Shelly, please...
Please sit down.
All right, I...
I did hope that we'd fool around.
But not before I told you
how much I'd missed you,
how much I'd thought about you,
and how I'd dreamed you'd come back.
That other day, at the chapel,
when everybody kept asking
"Where's Holling?",
what I kept thinking was
"Holling can take care of himself. "
"But if Maurice passes up
a chance to sing in public,
he must still be real mad at me. "
And now you're saying
you're not only still PO'd,
but that you want me back?
Yeah.
Isn't a year and a half a long enough time
to have a crush on somebody?
Wait a minute. Shelly... it was more
than a crush. I would have married you.
I'm sorry, Maurice, but you can't marry
me, cos I'm marrying Holling tomorrow.
Besides which,
you can't carry a blowtorch for me
when I'm carrying little Holling Junior.
It's yucky, and it makes me feel weird.
I don't understand, dammit! I'm so much...
better than he is. You've got to admit that.
Maybe you are. But he's better for me.
I'm sorry, Maurice.
If you'll excuse me,
I've got a couple of businessmen
waiting to close a big deal.
What I always liked best
about you, Maurice,
was when you'd put on those old show
tunes and sing along with the record.
Hey! You can't split.
We haven't notarised the contracts yet!
Come on! One song, Maurice.
Give the kid a break.
to have wings on your heels
on the chance that you'll meet
I'm sorry your daddy couldn't stay.
- We can always send him a snapshot.
- Yeah.
Holling's here, Shelly's here, he's here -
wearing decent socks.
- Got the ring?
- Yes.
- Show me.
- It's in my pocket.
- Show it to me.
- I'm not gonna show it to you! Oh, for G...
It's occasions like these
that my thoughts turn to marriage.
I think of the Dalai Lama,
the Pope, Mother Teresa -
very spiritual people
who never took the plunge.
Then we have Elizabeth Taylor and
Mickey Rooney - couldn't get enough of it.
What do we make of this dichotomy?
Well, we're here to wish our friends
a long life filled with happiness.
Shelly Tambo, do you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband,
- till death do you part?
- Uh-huh.
Holling Vincoeur, do you take this
lovely girl to be your lawful wedded wife,
till death do you part?
Holling?
Holling?
I wonder if I might speak with Shelly
for a moment.
In private.
- What'd you say to him, Fleischman?
- Nothing!
The plot thickens.
You promised! You crossed your heart
and you hoped to die!
I know I did, but if you could
just let me say what I have to say.
OK, fine. What do you have to say?
It's no secret that I'm not very good
at expressin' myself in words.
But...
there was a moment, when friends were
smilin' at us and Maurice was warblin'
and you looked at me and...
we became one.
And I can tell you this.
You are the most beautiful thing
that has ever happened to me.
And I will love you, Shelly.
And cherish you.
And protect you and our little pup
till death do us part.
No matter who goes first.
But... don't make me do this.
Do we still get to keep the presents?
Yeah.
That was the most beautiful
non-ceremony I ever saw.
She's almost as tall as he is.
- What are we gonna do with all the rice?
- Make a pudding.
I know two years is a long time, but with
time off for good behaviour, who knows?
- Maybe...
- Fleischman?
Maurice! Just the man I wanna see.
Elaine, honey? Maurice just walked in.
No, that's Holling.
Maurice is the one I'm in on the deal with.
You remember. He's the one who
tried to blow my head off with a shotgun.
Right. Right.
Let me get the latest lowdown.
I'll call you right back, OK?
OK, me too.
So, why aren't you down at Holling's,
celebrating with everybody?
I was until Chris started doing
his Ozzy Osbourne impersonation.
Let me ask you somethin', Joel.
Do you think Shelly cared for my singing?
Yeah, I think everyone did, Maurice.
- What's the latest on the Japanese?
- They passed.
- They what?!
- They passed.
- These things happen, son.
- They happen?
That's the sum total of sushi and sake
and soaking wet golf?!
What can I tell you? You don't wanna get
mixed up with the likes of them anyway.
"The likes of them"?
What exactly was their likes?
Well, let me put it this way.
If you cross those guys,
you sleep with the sushi.
- Oh, hello, Maurice.
- Hi, Ed.
- Should I get lost?
- No, no. I'm just leavin' anyway.
Maurice, I just wanna tell you I'm real
sorry you didn't get the girl in the end.
I was pulling for you.
Thanks, Ed.
The memory of that little gal walkin' down
that runway at that beauty contest,
wearin' that bathing suit
with that tiara on her head...
That's somethin' nobody'll ever be able
to take away from me.
- Are you all right, Dr Fleischman?
- What do you want, Ed?
- The golf course is beginning to smell.
- Why?
With the rain, and no drainage system,
it's beginning to mildew.
But I guess we can
figure something out tomorrow.
Well, good night, Dr Fleischman.
This is Elaine. I'm not here right now, but
if you leave a message I'll get back to you.
Ed! Ed!
Didn't you hear me yell "Fore"?
The ball was headed straight for you!
I know, I saw it.
Till it hooked way off thataway.
You up here for some specific reason,
or was it a little slow in the woods today?
No, they're about the same as always.
Do you realise that guys
I first met in Anatomy 1A
are now on the first tee at Silver Lake?
Tradin' stock tips,
referrin' patients to one another...
The worst part is, their game improves,
and I don't even have
a decent place to practise.
I found it.
Ah, what's the use?
My game might as well be back
in New York with the rest of my life.
- You know what I would do?
- About what?
Lay Astroturf over this whole road,
have yourself a real golf course.
Yeah! We'll put in a windmill,
call it Fleischman's Mini-Putt
Yeah, they got here.
They're squawking away over here.
I don't know, but they're smiling and
bowing a lot, so I guess everything's OK.
Yeah, you can start the countdown
anytime now. OK.
That was my man on the radio.
You were sayin', Mr Chiba?
Just that the majority of Mr Masuto's
resort communities are on the Big Island.
Oh, yeah? I've been to Hawaii.
They got their sun, they got their water,
but you could take Big Island, plop it on
top of Mount McKinley, with all its lava,
still have room for a leper colony.
- Pipe down.
- .. Masuto and Mr Vincent Chiba.
Howdy, boys!
You likey, huh?
In Hawaii, they'll fix you up with a luau
and roast you a pig.
But in Alaska, we have what the executive
consumer will pay through the nose for
in the way of a vacation destination:
elbow room!
You know what I mean? Elbow room.
- What's with him?
- He's going to vomit.
Not in the car!
Hey, Dr Fleischman, how many times
a day do you wash your hands?
Good question.
I don't know. Guess it depends how many
patients I see: five, ten, fifty.
- Do you ever use Wash'n Dris?
- When I eat ribs.
We use 'em at work. They really get out
the grease. And they smell nice.
Is that right?
Anyway, let me explain
the procedure to you.
With a new patient, I like to take
a medical history and do an examination.
What's wrong is my stomach's been
yucky and I've been getting sick a lot.
I'm sorry to hear that. For how long?
- About two months.
- I see. Could be a virus.
Since I missed my last two periods, I did
one of those tests where you pee in a cup,
- and it turned blue.
- Well, um...
an ultrasound is warranted,
but I haven't got one, so...
I'm gonna take a wild stab
and suggest you might be pregnant.
- That's what I was thinking too.
- Oh.
I take it it's an unplanned pregnancy?
D'you wanna...?
- No!
- No, what?
- What were you gonna say?
- D'you wanna take your coat off?
- OK.
- Good.
- Why don't you just lie back here?
- OK.
Make yourself comfortable.
- What exactly is the problem, Shelly?
- Holling.
- He doesn't want a baby?
- No. Maybe.
I don't know. He doesn't know yet.
He saw the cup this morning, but I said
Ruth-Anne was giving away free Mr Toilet.
I think you ought to tell him.
Sit up, please.
- Couldn't you tell him, Dr Fleischman?
- I don't think so.
It might be more meaningful
coming from you.
Why don't you give me
another urine sample?
And I'll write you up
a prescription for vitamins.
And there's a pamphlet
I want you to read on prenatal care.
- OK.
- So, uh...
no drinking, no smoking,
no bucking broncos. All right?
So sex is out?
Only for me.
I don't care what he's doing. I wanna
see him, and I wanna see him now.
- What's the problem?
- He won't wait his turn.
This man is sick, Joel.
He puked in my Caddy.
Rice pellets all over my dashboard.
Yuck!
Mr Chiba, Mr Masuto,
this is Dr Joel Fleischman.
Nice to meet you. Take a seat.
Sorry you're not feeling well.
- Where does it hurt?
- His stomach is upset.
- It started on the plane from Hawaii.
- Ah.
Tell him it's probably just turbulence,
or maybe the airline food,
but I'll poke around, just to be safe.
Tell him that Dr Fleischman is the kind
of enterprising young professional
who's chosen to stake his claim right here
on the banks of the Alaskan Riviera.
Tell him I'm being held against my will.
There's nothing
this young man can't handle.
If you want a Cadillac, go to Detroit.
If you want a doctor, go to New York City.
Say "Ah".
- Ah.
- Ah.
Careful there, son. Those are
valuable glands you're examining.
- What business are you guys in?
- Trucking.
- Trucking?
- And docks.
- Ducks?
- Docks.
- Docks!
- Just let it be, Fleischman.
Let's just say that Mr Masuto's got
a very highly diversified portfolio.
- He's also got wax.
- He's gonna build a resort in Cicely.
- Really?
- If we can agree on the figures.
We can agree on the figures!
Yeah, it's gonna be a state-of-the-art hotel
complex, 1,000 rooms, swimming pools,
riding stable, tennis courts,
18-hole golf course.
- Golf course?
- Yeah.
Would you excuse us
for one moment, please?
Tell him to disrobe.
I want in.
I want in, so I can get out.
- Now just listen to me. Just hear me out.
- What?
A resort this size
will need a highly-paid physician, right?
- What are you drivin' at?
- I will do it full-time, and for peanuts.
- In return for what?
- Um...
A one-year reduction in my sentence?
What's so funny?
You're gonna need someone
to help sell the area.
I'm urban, I'm professional,
and I'm desperate.
You know, you got a point there, son.
Hey, I'm the perfect prototype of
the new and improved modern Alaskan.
The most important thing
in dealing with these people is bonding.
You got to do all you can to break down
the cultural barriers to close the deal.
- Are you ready for somethin' like that?
- Oh, yeah!
I love sushi.
- Shelly, you're agonising.
- I am?
I suppose I am.
But how do you tell your old man
that your pee turned blue?
It really depends on
the type of man you're dealing with.
If he's a romantic, break it to him over
a candlelit dinner and a bottle of wine.
Holling likes draught beer.
Or if he's a musician,
you could take him to a concert.
Or if he's an arrogant, condescending
professional from New York,
you'd probably want
to raise the kid on your own.
But a man like Holling - a gentle man,
a mature man, a man's man?
The direct approach would be the best.
- You mean, like, just say it?
- Just say it.
- OK.
- OK.
Come on, boys!
Never negotiate, never turn your back
on 'em, and never mention Pearl Harbor.
- Right.
- Wine 'em and dine 'em till they drop,
and then stick them with the tab
before they stick you.
Oh, good. Here's our mayor now.
Holling Vincoeur, I'd like you to meet
two very special VIP guests...
It's just an honorary title anyway.
Gentlemen, if you'll step right in,
make yourselves at home.
- What the hell's the problem?
- She's pregnant.
Preggies? Who's preggies?
- Shelly.
- My Shelly?
Mr Minnifield? Mr Minnifield!
Oh, yeah. Gentlemen, please.
What happened? He got angry?
No, he just dropped
what he was doing and left.
- So why's she crying?
- Haven't you ever heard of hormones?
What is this, a pop quiz?
Yeah, I've heard of hormones.
Oestrogen, progesterone, testosterone -
which obviously regulates you.
- Wanna know what I think?
- Do I care?
- Do I care if you care?
- Hey, look, O'Connell...
You made a real mess of things here.
I know.
I never thought of myself
as the marryin' kind, but...
there's no one in the world
I would rather marry than you.
Shelly, honey, will you marry me?
OK.
Maurice! What are you doin'?!
The guys are gettin' restless.
Sake's not my beverage of choice.
Just take small sips.
If we're gonna bond with these guys,
there's gotta be a toast.
All right, let's do it.
Sorry about the delay.
The microwave was made in Korea!
Oh!
Tell Mr Masuto that, as a doctor,
I can't recommend that he drinks liquor.
But, as a friend,
I'd like to propose a toast.
To a long and fruitful relationship.
I gotta hand it to you people.
You got the resiliency of ants.
45 years ago we bombed you into a pulp.
Now you practically own
the whole Pacific Rim.
Lock, stock and barrel.
I say I'chaim.
- L'chaim.
- L'chaim!
And you know how to treat your women.
I mean, you guys
practically set the standard.
- What Maurice means...
- How can they kick you in the jewels
when they're walkin'
six paces behind you?
Of course, they can stab you in the back
and rip your heart out.
Hm, yeah.
So, anyway...
I was the one who originally
brought Shelly to town.
I first met her right after she was crowned
Miss Northwest Passage.
I was one of the judges.
She was not the best-looking one of the
bunch, but she had this look about her.
You know what I mean?
Well...
you'll have to excuse me.
I've gotta go sit on the can
for a little while.
Warm liquor gives me gas.
Excuse me.
Maurice! We're in the middle of a toast.
What's the deal?
The deal?
The deal is she dumped me for him,
and now she's carrying his baby.
That's the deal.
We saw the satellite dish outside. Do you
think we can pick up the Kemper Open?
You guys like golf, huh?
- How deep d'you want this hole?
- 4 inches, with a 4.5-inch diameter.
I gotta hand it to you, Ed. Great idea.
Mr Masuto was very impressed.
Yeah. I swiped it from
a National Geographic special on Iceland.
All these bumps will be smoothed out
before you tee up.
Mr Masuto wants to draw up plans
for a 36-hole, all-Astroturf golf course,
- complete with drainage, at his resort.
- You'll be the doctor?
The attending physician.
That's the game plan anyway.
"Physician in residence"
at a top-of-the-line vacation resort.
Sort of like Gopher on Love Boat?
Gopher was the purser.
Now he's a... he's a what?
- Congressman.
- Right.
Too bad the show was a hit -
he might've been an ex-president.
Isaac was the bartender,
and Captain Stubing was the captain.
Right. OK, Ed, you're doin' a great job.
Remember you gotta
stretch out these seams.
- Stretch out these seams!
- I wonder what she wants.
I don't have to justify myself to you!
You don't see anything tacky
about dropping a lime-green rug here?
To you it's a rug, to me it's a 355-yard
par four with two sand traps and a dogleg.
Then why don't you just hoist a canvas
over the trees, paint it blue...?
- That's not a bad idea.
- Drain the lake, line it with concrete,
- stock it with goldfish!
- Did you just come here to give me grief?
- You're in the wedding party.
- I am? Why?
Holling didn't care who his best man was,
Shelly picked you.
- Why?
- You're her OB.
- What?!
- Just be there, Fleischman, on time.
- And try to be festive.
- Any other commands?
- Shelly would like Maurice to sing.
- Don't count on him.
- Why not?
- He's in negotiations with the Japanese.
- A lame excuse. Make sure he's there.
- Why can't you?
You're the best man.
Do something to earn your job distinction.
- What's your job title?
- Maid of honour.
Heavy load
You wanna go over
the ceremony with Chris?
- With Chris?
- He's ordained.
- Chris is ordained?!
- He answered an ad in Rolling Stone.
- Rolling Stone?!
- Stop repeating everything I say.
It's annoying, and I'm in a time crunch.
- I gotta go pick out the menu.
- You love every minute of it.
I do not. I detest weddings.
I don't have to justify myself to you.
- Daddy!
- Hey, baby girl!
- Where's Uncle Bart and Aunt Louise?
- They had to stay at the cannery.
That's what happens when your girl gets
knocked up in the middle of a salmon run.
Daddy, this is your soon-to-be son-in-law,
Holling Vincoeur.
Holling, this is my daddy, Gorman Tambo.
Your soon-to-be second father.
- Howdy.
- Pleased to meet you, sir.
- Holling, please.
- Holling.
Isn't he just the coolest?
I gotta go to Betsy Palmer's
to get my dress fitted.
Why don't you sit down, get a little buzz
on and get to know each other?
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Bye.
So, uh... can I get you anything?
You got any Drambuie?
Uh... no.
Well, then a pitcher of draught
should do it.
You know, to be honest, I was...
I was kinda hopin' Shelly would
get hitched to that astronaut fella.
Have you ever met Maurice?
I... I admit he don't have
all his oars in the water,
but he's sure got a lot of cash, huh?
I guess it must be strange
for a father like yourself
to be giving away his only girl
to a total stranger.
Not really.
Shelly took off when she was 14,
and she's been down a road or two
since then, huh?
- You been married before?
- No. No, no, I haven't.
Four-time loser, myself.
- Anyway, good luck.
- Well, thank you very much.
I don't think I'll need it. I want you to know
that Shelly and I are very much in love.
I wanna do this right by formally asking
for your daughter's hand in marriage.
How old are you?
I'm 62.
Mr Masuto respectfully says
you're putting your head up,
and that your grip is all wrong.
But he'd be honoured
to play another round.
Well, you can tell Mr Masuto
that I would be honoured to honour him.
Smart shank, Fleischman.
You're forging a bond with these ninjas
tighter than a G-string on a sumo wrestler.
- I wasn't trying to.
- And by letting them win,
you're lulling them into
a false sense of superiority.
How long before this deal is closed?
These guys make me nervous.
We'll seal the hatch on it after I take
Wing and Wang upriver tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Shelly's getting married tomorrow.
- So?
- She wants you to sing at the ceremony.
I can't very well do that if I'm gonna
be in the next county all day, can I?
- I guess not.
- You guess right.
Look, Maurice, I've been jilted.
Everybody's been jilted.
What's jilted got to do with anything?
I wish 'em well. I... Well, I really do!
If she wants to live over a bar
with a man who doesn't believe in guns...
If that'll make her happy,
that's fine with me.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Where is he?
You were supposed to bring him.
Where is he?
- Maurice asked me to send his...
- Not Maurice. Holling.
- Holling? Holling isn't here?
- The best man should keep tabs on him.
But all you care about is wheeling
and dealing on plastic grass!
- Maggie...
- You don't care about her.
Look, O'Connell...
Maggie, it's not Dr Fleischman's fault
Holling didn't come.
If you leave now,
you can make the graveyard shift.
- Oh, no. Don't think that, Shelly.
- She's right. Don't think that.
You know Holling.
He probably just forgot what time it is.
It hasn't even been an hour yet.
I looked everywhere, and he's nowhere.
Well...
OK, I'm gonna go. Hold this a second.
This is no longer bonding, defined as
"that which binds, links, unionises".
This is playing golf in a thunderstorm,
defined as "absurd and totally insane"!
Come on, son. Look at 'em out there,
quackin' away like
a couple of mallards on a marsh.
I'm talkin' about me!
Joel, unless I'm mistaken, I didn't ask you
in. You asked to be let in. Am I right?
Yes, but...
And this is your first taste of wheelin'
and dealin' with the big boys, right?
Granted, it's a little humid out there,
and you are sounding a little nasal,
but the forecast for this deal
is sunny and mild.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- When's the deal gonna close?
- Soon. Trust me.
- OK, but...
- Shh!
This is Chris,
and we're on the phone lines.
- Who am I talkin' to?
- Jewels, up on the Kayak River.
- Jewels, what's on your mind today?
- I went up to Baker's Point to find Holling.
- He used to make camp there with...
- Cut to the chase, Jewels.
All I saw was a couple of empty beer cans
and used condoms.
Not a trace of Holling. Not even a track.
He's halfway to the Arctic Circle now.
Where's your sense of compassion?
I'm as compassionate as the day is long!
I'm just not sheddin' tears
over anything obvious.
You knew Holling
wouldn't go through with the wedding?
Shelly and Holling
were doomed from the first.
They just never fit together. He doesn't
know what makes her tick the way I do.
Shelly didn't walk out on Holling.
He stood her up.
I saw that look in her eyes
when she walked out of your office.
- That was morning sickness.
- I've got nothing personal against Holling.
But one of these days, sooner or later,
Shelly is gonna come to her senses
and find her way back to my doorstep.
Your play, Dr Fleischman!
Honky Tonk Angels" by Kitty Wells)
Uh, you got 'em mixed up.
But I suppose I could eat his.
Just a bit touchy today, ain't you, Shel?
Back off!
Hello, Shelly.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
- Yesterday?
- Yeah, you know...
What?
About, uh...
standin' you up for the wedding.
Oh, that.
I guess the time just got away from me.
- I guess.
- I was up on Cripple Creek.
I got a picture. I hope it turns out.
It's of a fish hawk
with its shadow across the face of a rock.
Jeez, Shelly!
- You're mad.
- Good guess.
Well, you've a right to be mad,
I... I reckon.
You reckon?
You reckon?!
I've never been so humiliated in my life.
You could have warned me!
What do you think I am, some kid?
If you're marrying me because
you think you have to, then think again.
I want you to marry me cos you feel the
same way about me that I feel about you.
I do!
You may think that, since you're so much
older, you know more about the world.
Well, in some cases, that may be.
But I read magazines.
I watch TV.
I know how people
are supposed to treat each other.
Another half-inch,
this would have been a terrible tragedy.
- Shelly's got good aim.
- You've got good luck.
It's not too deep a gash,
so there shouldn't be much of a scar.
Thanks, Joel.
I didn't get a chance
to thank you for bein' my best man.
- Well, almost, that is.
- Well, I'm glad to almost do it, Holling.
Joel, may I speak with you for a moment?
Yeah, sure.
I've never been one to scare easily,
but then, all of a sudden, it...
You see...
for 40 years I have been alone,
on my own, and life has been good.
But now, it's...
- What? Now it's what?
- It's better.
- That's great. Then what's the problem?
- I was born in the Yukon.
- I was an only child.
- Uh-huh?
My father kicked the bucket
when he was 104.
- Really?
- My grandfather, God bless him,
he shuffled off when he was 106.
My mother, on the other hand,
died when she was 42.
My grandmother passed on
when she was 44.
And neither man ever remarried.
The Vincoeurs have always been known,
for generations, as one-woman men.
- Myself included.
- Shelly adores you.
I know that, Joel. I do.
But that doesn't change the fact that
I'm slated to be alive for another 45 years.
What if Shelly's not there with me
at the end?
She's 18 years old, Holling!
In 45 years, she'll be... 63.
An errant snowmobile aside,
she's got a long and full life ahead.
One would think.
But life's a cruel mistress, Joel.
What if something does happen to her?
I remember plainly my... my father
and my grandfather's pain and sadness.
They lived alone
for the last 60 years of their lives,
without the women
who'd made life itself worthwhile.
Now, I promised myself
I would never get married,
never go through what they had.
Not even if it meant
never allowing myself to fall in love.
I've done a good job of it, too.
Until now.
- Thank you. I'll see you later.
- OK.
Hey, Fleischman.
The wedding's back on.
- Holling and Shelly?
- No, Fleischman, Laurel and Hardy
Tomorrow at five.
Let's bring dignity to it this time.
Dignity, me? What are you insinuating?
- Late show, no groom, bad socks.
- Hey, my fianc?e gave me those socks!
You're best man, I'm maid of honour.
We set the tone, we set the example.
All I'm asking is that, years from now,
when we're just a distasteful memory
to each other,
we can say we helped create a charming,
touching ceremony. What d'you say?
What time did you book 'em out
on the honeymoon moose?
Fine. You stay on your side of the aisle,
I'll stay on mine.
Wait, wait. Just wait!
You're right. You're right,
and I agree with you.
As members of the wedding,
we should put our best foot forward
and lie about
how much we loathe each other.
Good.
- Sorry what I said about the socks.
- I hadn't done my laundry in two weeks.
Anyway, they look great in the gym.
So what about you? I guess
you'll be getting married in New York.
Me and Elaine? Oh, yeah, New York.
Big Apple family, you know.
- Are you?
- Rick and me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I guess. I mean, maybe.
Who knows? But sure. Why not?
- I don't know. No reason.
- OK.
Gotta go.
- Maurice?
- Shelly!
- OK if I come in?
- Please, yeah.
Don't ask me if Holling knows
if I'm here or not, cos he doesn't.
Don't get spooked. It's just business.
Hey, guess what I've got on the second
shelf in the fridge. Had it for six months.
A Diet Cherry Pepsi.
I'll get it for you.
Thanks, but it'll just make me pee.
So, little missy.
- How you been?
- I'm OK.
Except for when I get the twirly-whirlies.
Uh-huh? Well, you're...
you're lookin' real good, Shelly.
- You're making my stomach gurgle.
- That's a start, darlin'.
What I'm trying to say is you're not
making what I came to ask you very easy.
Oh. Well, I don't mean to do that.
I'm just as pleased as Punch
that you came back, Shelly.
I've been countin' the days,
tickin' 'em off one by one.
Maurice...
Do you want me
to help you get the words out?
You wanna come home to Daddy, right?
No! I want you to sing at my wedding.
- What?!
- It would mean a lot to me and Holling.
He walked out on you. He left you
standing at the altar in disgrace!
He walked back in. And he re-asked me
to remarry him tomorrow. I've re-said yes.
- What did you expect?
- Well...
I don't know, I...
Well, I thought that we... You...
- Well, I thought that I would...
- Hop on me?
Well, no!
Well, not right away.
Shelly! Shelly, please...
Please sit down.
All right, I...
I did hope that we'd fool around.
But not before I told you
how much I'd missed you,
how much I'd thought about you,
and how I'd dreamed you'd come back.
That other day, at the chapel,
when everybody kept asking
"Where's Holling?",
what I kept thinking was
"Holling can take care of himself. "
"But if Maurice passes up
a chance to sing in public,
he must still be real mad at me. "
And now you're saying
you're not only still PO'd,
but that you want me back?
Yeah.
Isn't a year and a half a long enough time
to have a crush on somebody?
Wait a minute. Shelly... it was more
than a crush. I would have married you.
I'm sorry, Maurice, but you can't marry
me, cos I'm marrying Holling tomorrow.
Besides which,
you can't carry a blowtorch for me
when I'm carrying little Holling Junior.
It's yucky, and it makes me feel weird.
I don't understand, dammit! I'm so much...
better than he is. You've got to admit that.
Maybe you are. But he's better for me.
I'm sorry, Maurice.
If you'll excuse me,
I've got a couple of businessmen
waiting to close a big deal.
What I always liked best
about you, Maurice,
was when you'd put on those old show
tunes and sing along with the record.
Hey! You can't split.
We haven't notarised the contracts yet!
Come on! One song, Maurice.
Give the kid a break.
to have wings on your heels
on the chance that you'll meet
I'm sorry your daddy couldn't stay.
- We can always send him a snapshot.
- Yeah.
Holling's here, Shelly's here, he's here -
wearing decent socks.
- Got the ring?
- Yes.
- Show me.
- It's in my pocket.
- Show it to me.
- I'm not gonna show it to you! Oh, for G...
It's occasions like these
that my thoughts turn to marriage.
I think of the Dalai Lama,
the Pope, Mother Teresa -
very spiritual people
who never took the plunge.
Then we have Elizabeth Taylor and
Mickey Rooney - couldn't get enough of it.
What do we make of this dichotomy?
Well, we're here to wish our friends
a long life filled with happiness.
Shelly Tambo, do you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband,
- till death do you part?
- Uh-huh.
Holling Vincoeur, do you take this
lovely girl to be your lawful wedded wife,
till death do you part?
Holling?
Holling?
I wonder if I might speak with Shelly
for a moment.
In private.
- What'd you say to him, Fleischman?
- Nothing!
The plot thickens.
You promised! You crossed your heart
and you hoped to die!
I know I did, but if you could
just let me say what I have to say.
OK, fine. What do you have to say?
It's no secret that I'm not very good
at expressin' myself in words.
But...
there was a moment, when friends were
smilin' at us and Maurice was warblin'
and you looked at me and...
we became one.
And I can tell you this.
You are the most beautiful thing
that has ever happened to me.
And I will love you, Shelly.
And cherish you.
And protect you and our little pup
till death do us part.
No matter who goes first.
But... don't make me do this.
Do we still get to keep the presents?
Yeah.
That was the most beautiful
non-ceremony I ever saw.
She's almost as tall as he is.
- What are we gonna do with all the rice?
- Make a pudding.
I know two years is a long time, but with
time off for good behaviour, who knows?
- Maybe...
- Fleischman?
Maurice! Just the man I wanna see.
Elaine, honey? Maurice just walked in.
No, that's Holling.
Maurice is the one I'm in on the deal with.
You remember. He's the one who
tried to blow my head off with a shotgun.
Right. Right.
Let me get the latest lowdown.
I'll call you right back, OK?
OK, me too.
So, why aren't you down at Holling's,
celebrating with everybody?
I was until Chris started doing
his Ozzy Osbourne impersonation.
Let me ask you somethin', Joel.
Do you think Shelly cared for my singing?
Yeah, I think everyone did, Maurice.
- What's the latest on the Japanese?
- They passed.
- They what?!
- They passed.
- These things happen, son.
- They happen?
That's the sum total of sushi and sake
and soaking wet golf?!
What can I tell you? You don't wanna get
mixed up with the likes of them anyway.
"The likes of them"?
What exactly was their likes?
Well, let me put it this way.
If you cross those guys,
you sleep with the sushi.
- Oh, hello, Maurice.
- Hi, Ed.
- Should I get lost?
- No, no. I'm just leavin' anyway.
Maurice, I just wanna tell you I'm real
sorry you didn't get the girl in the end.
I was pulling for you.
Thanks, Ed.
The memory of that little gal walkin' down
that runway at that beauty contest,
wearin' that bathing suit
with that tiara on her head...
That's somethin' nobody'll ever be able
to take away from me.
- Are you all right, Dr Fleischman?
- What do you want, Ed?
- The golf course is beginning to smell.
- Why?
With the rain, and no drainage system,
it's beginning to mildew.
But I guess we can
figure something out tomorrow.
Well, good night, Dr Fleischman.
This is Elaine. I'm not here right now, but
if you leave a message I'll get back to you.