Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 1, Episode 3 - Soapy Sanderson - full transcript

Hello!

Soapy?

Hey, Maggie.
Over here.

Hi, guys.

Soapy, you should not
be lifting that.

Gotta feed the kids.

Here.

Hi.

- I was thinking of you all the way up here.
- That's nice to know.

You're not going to like this, but you know
you're too old to be climbing a tree.

I tried mountain climbing.



- Made my ears feel screwy.
- Yeah?

The damn water's
always too cold to swim.

Have you ever thought about
reading a good book?

If I wanted to be a prune,
I'd try lawn bowling.

Come on.

Let's get outta here
before the wind picks up.

- Hi, Marilyn.
- Marilyn, can you show Soapy in?

Do you know
what time it is?

I'm sorry. We got some blankets
for the potlatch festival.

- Oh, I see.
- And Soapy wanted to go over the peaks,

so I decided to take the scenic route.

- You're angry?
- Of course not.

I love watching Marilyn browse through
my Sharper Image catalogue.

- In case you hadn't noticed, I am a doctor.
- Really?



Even if you don't like me, you owe some
respect to my years in medical school.

Are you trying to tell me
that in a town of 815 people,

with 16 hours of daylight,
you can't squeeze everybody in?

It's the principle. See? Um, look.

"Hello, I was hit by a bus" is a reason
to be late for a doctor's appointment.

Not "I decided to have my nails done. "

I don't have my nails done! And if I got hit
by a bus, I wouldn't be late, I'd cancel.

Oh, she's a pistol,
isn't she?

- Oh, yeah!
- Feisty women never get boring.

Yeah? Well,
let me tell you something.

Boring women get a bad rap.
There's a lot to be said for boring women.

- So, Soapy, how you getting around?
- Slowly.

When exactly may I expect
an improvement?

Deep breath.

Again.

I told you weeks ago a broken hip
was nothing to laugh at. At your age...

"At your age"?
Gee, I hate that expression.

Even if you were 30,
you've got significant nerve damage.

It's gonna take a long time
for it to improve. Lean back.

How's your therapy going?
You doing the exercises?

Exercises? You mean practising
to milk a groundhog with my toes?

I gotta level with you. It's gonna be a hard
thing to do even with the therapy. OK.

Push.

OK.
Put your shoes back on.

I know how you feel about autonomy, but
you'd be better off if you came into town.

No.
It's too crowded for my taste.

What about moving in
with a relative?

The closest relative I have
is in Daytona.

I wouldn't move in with him,
not if he'd rented the White House.

What's gonna happen when you get
snowed in? Or you slip on the ice?

- I've taken all that under consideration.
- Soapy, I'm serious.

You're not getting any better, and you're
not following the prescribed treatment.

You have to start thinking
about your future. Please.

- You're right.
- I am?

Yes.

I'm gonna go home
and I'm gonna figure it out.

It's time to think about the future.

OK.

But only if you promise
to do the same thing.

The only future I wanna think about
is so far away I think I'd need a telescope.

Tell me, Doc, you wouldn't be married
by any chance, would you?

No. Why?

I was just wondering.
Goodbye, Dr Fleischman.

Do you need a steak knife,
Dr Fleischman?

No. Actually,
I could use a chain saw.

And would you mind identifying
this evening's side dishes?

I'll ask.

- Soapy told me to give you this.
- What is it?

- A note.
- I just saw him.

You're to go to his house tomorrow.
He has a dirty deed for you.

You read my note?

He told me what it says.
You're supposed to go to his house.

I can read, Ed.
Thank you.

- How the hell am I supposed to get there?
- Oh, Maggie can fly you.

I asked her.
She said "Be ready at 6am. "

Lovely. Thank you.

- That's not OK?
- That's peachy.

I can't wait to get up at dawn and climb
into a flying sardine can - thank you -

with a woman who wishes
I'd catch a disease,

so I can do some dirty deed
for an old geezer

who ignores what I tell him and then gets
annoyed at me cos he doesn't get better.

I don't know how I'll sleep.

There were some air pockets you missed.
Let's look for 'em on the way back.

How did you survive
in New York City?

My idea of roughing it is mass transit.
It doesn't require Dramamine.

Hi, guys.

"Hi, guys"? They're baring their fangs.

They're fantasising about
your femur bone, and you say "Hi, guys"?

- Soapy, it's Maggie.
- And Joel.

- Soapy?
- Soapy?

- Uh-oh.
- What?

Don't come in here.
You don't wanna see this.

Give me a break, Fleischman.

- Oh, boy.
- He's dead.

I can see that.

He put on a suit?

Look at this, he tied his bow tie.
He even polished his shoes.

He left a note.

"Dear Maggie, Joel. Sorry. I didn't want to
lie here until someone noticed the smell. "

- Maggie.
- What?

He's wearing Old Spice.
The man shaved to kill himself.

- I think I've found the murder weapon.
- Watch where you point that thing.

His will's in that box, with some papers.
There's a bottle of wine for our trouble.

- Huh. Red or white?
- You have a twisted sense of humour!

The man puts on the Ritz to kill himself,
and I have a twisted sense of humour?

- Tell me he just slept with this.
- He wants us to use it for his ashes.

Wow. I never...
He even tidied the place up.

Let's get him and his stuff
into the plane.

You don't have
a problem with this?

Soapy lived the way he wanted,
he died the way he wanted.

And you're not rattled?

You're a doctor,
haven't you seen dead bodies before?

Yeah.
I don't like people committing suicide.

It's just plain bad for business.

He was doing fine till you told him
to think about his future.

I was talking about a walker.

"My only regret is that Helen,
my beloved wife of 42 years,

did not come to Alaska with me. "

"We talked about it, but there was always
a good excuse not to make the move. "

"Then she died. "

"So I decided to do it for the both of us,
and I've loved every damn minute of it. "

"It gave me permission to become
the person I've always longed to be -

a hermit, living in a shack
in the middle of nowhere. "

"I leave the enclosed cash
to Holling's bar,

in hopes that you'll all go and have a drink
or two on me when you leave here. "

"I'd also like Holling to oversee
my cremation, per these instructions. "

I'll skip these cremating instructions,
if it's OK with you.

Please do.

"And as for my other possessions,

to Chris I leave my extensive collection of
obscure country and bluegrass records... "

Wow.

".. to be played in my memory
on the Chris In The Morning show. "

"And I want everybody to listen.
This is good stuff. "

- "Finally... "
- Finally!

".. the remainder of my estate,

which consists of 100 acres
and my team of champion huskies,

I leave to my coexecutors... "

Well, what? What you think we are?
Lip-readers?

Well, it says here Dr Joel Fleischman
and Maggie O'Connell.

- Wait. You must have read that wrong.
- No. It's your name here, big as life.

What are you talking about?
I barely knew him.

Why would he leave me anything,
much less everything?

- Maybe he liked you.
- That's crazy. He barely knew me.

- What do you know about this?
- Soapy and I never discussed you.

- Yeah? What'd you talk about?
- None of your business.

- What are you trying to hide?
- A man, a dead man, put you in his will,

and you would think
there's some ulterior motive.

He thinks you're Dr Frankenstein
and can bring him back.

You put something
in his head. What?

- You're unbelievable.
- Was he some kinda nut?

Soapy, unlike you, was a kind,
generous, wonderful human being.

Whatever the hell he was...
this gathering is adjourned.

I don't get this.
Why would he leave anything to me?

The guy never even paid his bill.

So I have inherited 100 acres of dirt
and a pack of wolves.

We've inherited.

Team of dogs like that'll bring
ten, maybe twelve, hundred dollars.

Wonderful. So with enough work from me,
I'll have inherited a set of new snow tyres.

I was thinking we could set up an
animal preserve and name it after Soapy.

An animal preserve? So the Alaskans can
have someplace to get back to nature?

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. It's original and it's just what's
needed amidst all this urban sprawl.

All right, you can have my half.
But you gotta name a petting zoo after me.

You know why he did this to me? I bet you
he was annoyed I told him he was old.

The man was 82.
What was I supposed to say?

Right, Fleischman. He killed himself
just to ruin your weekend.

- All right, you tell me why he did it.
- To annoy you.

I think you hit it
right on the head.

Ferlin Husky's
"Why Do I Put Up With You?"

Man, you just gotta love
country music.

It's just so raw
with honesty and passion.

"She's Actin' Single,
I'm Drinkin' Double".

"I'm the Only Hell

Chris, you play this crap
at six o'clock in the morning,

you'll be looking down so many barrels
you'll think you're in an NRA convention.

And I'll be leading the pack!

The reason it's called book-keeping
is that I need to keep those records.

If it were book-losing,
they'd have called it that.

Chief Ronkonhoma
is here to see you.

- Chief who?
- And his friend Fred and their accountant.

Dr Fleischman?
I'm William Casebear.

This is Chief Ronkonhoma
and his friend Fred.

I represent
the financial interests of their tribe.

You're the first patient to show up
with his accountant.

The chief's not ill. He's interested
in buying Sanderson's land from you.

You are?

Just one sec.

The tribe has parlayed its income
from the pipeline and mineral rights

into a substantial portfolio,
even by Wall Street standards.

We had the sense not to go into
Ginny Maes or junk bonds.

Which has put us in
a rather unfortunate tax bracket.

We think maybe your land
might be the shelter we need.

How?

By drilling for oil,
exploring for new minerals, uranium, gas.

I gotta be honest, there's no minerals
on that land. No natural gas, no oil.

- We know that.
- A tax shelter?

The government encourages us
to write off unprofitable businesses.

Everyone agrees the land is worthless,
so it should be easy to negotiate a price.

I got a partner, and she's got her mind
set on turning it into some nature path.

Perhaps you could
change her mind.

I don't know.

When she gets her mind set,
it's pretty much set in concrete.

Dr Fleischman...

may I ask you...

who would know better how to govern
this land? You and this partner?

Or the people who have lived and died
here for thousands of years?

That's true. But...

It's a question of justice.
Don't you think?

Well, justice and fifty thousand.

Fifty thou...
Fifty thousand what?

Dollars.

A chunk of change like that'd be handy
to take back to the Big Apple.

I've been thinking
about your idea.

- You think it's stupid.
- No, it is not stupid.

It's a little absurd and ridiculous,
but it has its own logic.

- What do you want, Fleischman?
- Nothing. I just...

I just want you to think of
alternative uses for Soapy's land.

- Such as?
- Um...

I don't know, but what I was thinking was,
whatever we do with the land...

"We", Fleischman?

As far as I'm concerned, you're just
an obstacle, a partner in paper only.

That's how you feel?
I'm nothing more than an obstacle?

- More or less.
- More or less? No, come on, say it.

OK.
All right, Fleischman.

If I'm driving in my truck,

and I see a sign that says "rock slide"
or "roadwork ahead", I see you.

OK. Fine.

- Fine. But you wanna know what I think?
- Not really.

We should return the land
to its original caretakers. Yeah.

We should give it
to the Indians.

Have you had a blow to the head
that I don't know about?

I am serious. I have been thinking about
this all day. It is the right thing to do.

I mean, don't you agree?

Yeah.

Yeah.
It's just that I'm...

Just what? What?

- Nothing.
- Then you agree?

- Yeah.
- All right.

I won't burden you with any responsibility.
I'll take care of everything. All right?

Fleischman?

I'm just really...
surprised you thought of that.

Sometimes even obstacles think.

Practical source. No fill.
Absolutely no artificial light.

- Cool.
- This is incredible.

It's so real.
This is a real Alaskan town.

Yeah. Well, it's kinda small,
but we're getting a video store.

Look at this dirt.
Isn't this great dirt?

It's so...
It's so... wet.

- Wet?
- Cool.

Ed, what kind of dirt's this?

Is this a trick question?

Get a shot of the dirt,
and get a shot of his feet, too.

- What exactly is this movie about?
- It's not a movie. It's a documentary.

Oh, yeah?
I like those.

Animals kill each other.
That bald guy sells insurance.

Well, that's network.

This is different.

It should be personal,
but have a sense of size.

What's that movie where
John Wayne looks for the girl?

And you never see the Indian attack,
you just hear the drums.

- And you see the empty cabin.
- What is it? Um...

The Searchers.
John Ford.

Elaine, where you been?

I have been trying all morning.

What sale at Barneys?

Really?
Which beige jacket?

The raw silk?
How much?

Wow!

All right, listen.
I got some more shopping for you to do.

Find me an attorney. OK? Almost the best
that money can buy. No, I'm not in trouble.

I'm gonna get outta my contract.
I don't care if it's expensive. Listen.

Elaine! I have struck gold here.
Actually, it struck me.

It doesn't matter. I think I've found
a way out of this godforsaken hole.

Listen to me, I gotta go.
Yeah, I gotta go.

See what you can find out, and spare...
practically no expense. OK? All right.

This is my coexecutor,
Dr Joel Fleischman.

Hi.

This is Kim Chang and Laurie Batton.
They're doing a documentary on Soapy.

A documentary? Why?

We're from Kenyon College.
Dr Sanderson was a major benefactor.

Dr Sanderson?

Soapy was a professor at Kenyon. He had
doctorates in theology and mythology.

He's a legend at Kenyon.

Someone named "Soapy"
has two doctorates?

First we need
a pan on the walls.

And then we need to zoom in on
the moose head.

- You knew that Soapy was a professor?
- Everybody knew.

- I didn't.
- You never asked.

So, what? Is Holling a former
secretary of state? Is Ed with the CIA?

What else have I missed cos I haven't
thought to ask? What? What's so funny?

You, Fleischman.

OK.
Go in close on the lids.

- Do those lids work?
- Not any more.

OK. Good.

Cut! All right, make sure
you get the goat's foot ashtray.

Excuse me. This is all very interesting.
Do you mind if I watch?

We're cool.

Uh-huh.

What?
For two bedrooms, no doorman?

No. No. Give me a break.

Yeah, it's open.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I hope you haven't eaten yet.
- Um, no.

Great. I brought
a celebratory dinner.

- What are we celebrating?
- The nature preserve.

Joey?

- Don't tell me you've changed your mind.
- No, not at all.

Listen, honey, I gotta run.
We can do better.

- Yeah. We'll talk later. OK.
- Bye-bye.

I was thinking we could name it
the Hundred Acre Wood,

after Winnie-the-Pooh.

You probably think that's silly.

- What's silly?
- Hundred Acre Wood, Winnie-the-Pooh.

No. I always liked Eeyore. Yeah.

Christopher Robin was
one of my role models as a kid.

Well, you look...

What?

Nothing.
You clean up very nicely.

- Can I take over your kitchen?
- By all means.

I brought the wine Soapy left us.

I don't remember anything I used to know
about wine. Is this any good?

Not bad.
It's a Lafitte-Rothschild 1975.

Yeah, it's one of
the outstanding vintages of all time.

For French wine, anyway.

It was a very warm autumn.

See, I don't usually drink, but...

I get stupid too fast, but... I always make
an exception for a $200 bottle of wine.

- How come you know about wine?
- To impress the other doctors.

Wow!

Two glasses of this and you may see me
in an entirely new light. I mean...

You know what I mean.

That's finito on the vino.

You were right
about this wine.

Yeah.
Well, law of averages.

I owe you an apology.

I mean, I don't always see you
as this huge physical impediment.

It's just that
you come off as this...

arrogant, insensitive egomaniac,

who's never had a thought
about another person in his life.

So I apologise for never considering there
might be another side to your personality.

You have nice hands.

I never noticed that.

Doctors tend to pamper
their hands.

What else have I missed?

Well, I don't know,
but, Maggie, look, um...

I am... I am...

First of all, I'm glad that
you're happy about the nature thing.

And it's very nice that you're willing
to consider the possibility

that I may not be
the worst person that ever lived,

but I'm starting
to think that maybe, um...

maybe there's something
I should clear the air about.

What?

Even though there's this other side to me,
right - the side that you like -

there's a lot
in the middle, too.

What do you mean?

I mean that, well, um...
a person's only human.

A person, uh...

A person can make an error in judgement.
They can misplace their loyalties. Uh...

You know what it is?
They can... A person...

A person can take a wrong turn
in an impetuous moment.

- OK. I get it.
- You do?

Yeah.
You think I'm coming on to you.

Well, I'm not.

And even if I were,
it's... the wine.

- I'm leaving now.
- No, no, wait, wait. Wait.

I don't think you understand
what I'm saying.

I was trying to clear something up
about the land.

What I was saying was,
I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything.

- No?
- No.

Oh.

But, just for the record,
what exactly just happened?

Well, I-I-I guess
I was hitting on you.

You were coming on to me
and... I stopped you?

Well... yes.

Maybe.

So you're saying,
if I hadn't done whatever it is that I did...

- You're doing it now.
- I am?

- Mm-hm.
- Oh.

Can you describe whatever it is that
I'm doing? What I'm aware of is that...

We were just sitting there and...

Good night, Fleischman.

Soapy told me that the thing he loved
most about country was its sense of myth.

There's heroes and villains,
good and bad, right and wrong.

The protagonist strolls into a bar, which
he sees as a microcosm of the big picture.

He contemplates his existence,
and he asks himself:

"Who's that babe in the red dress?"

Meanwhile, here's a classic from Pee Wee
King and the Golden West Cowboys.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Shelley, could you do me a favour and
turn the radio down before I go insane?

OK.

Tell me when.

Perfect.

Dr Fleischman, we've got your paperwork
ready. Do you have a moment?

Sure, but don't you think we should
do this someplace private?

Is this confidential?

No. It's business, which I generally
conduct someplace other than a bar.

We thought you might be in a hurry
to get your hands on your money.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Dr Fleischman?

Excuse me.
I'm doing business with the chief.

"The chief"? You're a chief? Oh, great.
Can you get them both together?

- Just go on with whatever you're doing.
- I don't think so. Ed?

OK.

Um, Laurie, I don't think
you should bug Dr Fleischman,

cos he's from New York
and they have a thing about paparazzi.

I didn't know Soapy that well. Except,
he did come in here for breakfast a lot.

He always ordered the same thing,
a one-eyed Jack.

That's a piece of toast with a hole and an
egg under it, so the yolk sticks through.

It's supposed to look like an eye.
That's how it got its name.

Then you melt cheese on top.
That's where the "Jack" part comes in.

Except Soapy would always order
American cheese.

A one-eyed American.

Doesn't sound very delicious.

I don't think.

Was there anything about Soapy
that no one knew except you?

Well...

I probably shouldn't say this since
he's not here to defend himself,

but...

Soapy did not believe
in artificial sweeteners.

Maggie, tell us
about the real Alaska.

- Excuse me?
- What did you come here hoping to find?

Actually, I came out here
with somebody else.

Right. The guy who
fell off the mountain.

- No.
- The one that sacked out on the glacier.

- How did you know?
- It was in Dr Sanderson's journal.

Oh.

I didn't even know he had a wife.
Until the funeral, that is.

Her picture's in the file,
isn't it?

- Why don't you use any lights?
- I like source.

- You do? Why?
- Because it delivers reality.

Oh.

- She looks like me.
- It's weird, she looks exactly like you.

In his journal he said that you guys
were alike in more ways than looks.

- What do you mean?
- What'd he say?

He said you both sang
your own song.

- What does that mean?
- I don't know.

Soapy said Helen was less defensive than
you are, but that you took more chances.

- Except...
- Except?

Except when it came to men.

So I don't know. I never really thought
about it till Soapy brought it up.

I mean, I thought about it,
but I never saw it quite so clearly.

- What do you think?
- I think it's a pretty good idea.

- You do?
- Absolutely.

Are we talking about
the same thing?

Your nature preserve.
What we're doing here.

No.

I wanna know if you think
that what Soapy said was true, Holling.

Uh, about what?

Do I kill guys?

Or is it just sheer coincidence that
every guy I go out with ends up dead?

Oh, that.

Well, maybe you're just...
putting something out into the universe.

What do I do? Only go out with
guys I'd like to see dead?

- Joel?
- Yeah.

Only now I'm starting to think -
having seen this other side of him -

that maybe it'd be OK
if he doesn't get hit by a large truck.

Ah, yeah.
Move more to your left!

Your left, yeah.
Two steps.

Excuse me.
What are you doing?

- Surveying.
- I can see that. Why are you surveying?

The new owners need a map
before they can start the road.

What new owners?
What road?

Tell us about Soapy's land. What made
you give it back to the Indians?

Again, as I said,
I'm not much for interviews.

I never was very good at public speaking,
so maybe we could...

- What's this?
- A quote from Soapy's favourite book.

Sums up his feelings about the land
he gave you. Why don't you read it?

Oh. Uh, OK, sure.

Apparently, this is a quote
from Chief Seattle, dated 1852.

Go? OK.

"The President in Washington sends word
that he wishes to buy our land. "

"But how can you buy or sell
the sky, the land?"

"The Earth does not belong to man,
man belongs to the Earth. "

"All things are connected,
like the blood that unites us all. "

"Man did not weave the web of life,
he is merely a strand of it. "

"Whatever he does to the web,
he does to himself. "

"Your destiny
is a mystery to us. "

"What will happen
when the buffalo are all slaughtered?"

Or will some materialistic,
money-grubbing, short-sighted subhuman

sell it to other materialistic,
money-grubbing subhumans,

so they can ravish the land and cover it
with concrete so they can pay less tax?

I know all about your reasons,
all 50,000 of them.

Half of which is mine, by the way.
Not that I'd touch it.

I can't believe I thought
there was hope for you.

Because you are the most vile, odious,
waste of corpuscles I have ever seen!

Maggie.
Maggie, wait!

That was great!

Did you get all that?

Maggie, Maggie!
Maggie, wait.

It's not just your lying
and your cheating that bothers me.

It's your whole... everything.

You wanna talk about
"whole everything", huh?

You do not care about
people's feelings.

All you care about is you and New York
and your precious career!

I did not get off the plane
and say that I am Marcus Welby,

kindly physician
and all-around swell guy.

I was fully prepared
to do my time in Anchorage,

but I am contractually manacled to
this tundra under false pretences.

So if I resort to some unscrupulous
practices to right a greater wrong...

Look! Where's Amnesty International
when it comes to me?

So you're an amoral cretin
and you admit it upfront.

Well, let me tell you something, buster.
That does not excuse you!

Soapy was wrong!

Wrong about what?

What the...?

Oh, good.

Great, wonderful.

Thanks, O'Connell.
This is delightful.

Holling,
tell us about the real Alaska.

Um...
I'm not sure what you mean.

Can you turn your right hand over
so we can see the calluses?

Good eye.

Can you think of some incident that
depicts what Soapy loved about Alaska?

There was the time that
he raced the dogs in the Iditarod.

Did he see it as a metaphor

for the hero's journey
into the wilderness to face himself?

Um...

He thought it was fun.

Soapy used to say that Alaska wasn't
just a state, but... a state of mind.

Hogwash
is a state of mind.

You might as well get rid of those
cute visions that Soapy put into

your idealistic college heads.

Alaska is not a place to run away from
the world. Alaska is the world.

You got warm weather resorts
and cold weather resorts.

We've got restaurants.
We've got hotels. We've got shopping.

You've got camping,
boating, ice fishing.

And that is just a drop in the bucket
to what we will have in a couple of years.

Now, people don't want rugged.

People want clean towels.

And people like Soapy Sanderson,

who give the whole world the idea that
Alaska's full of rednecks livin' in shacks,

make my butt tired!

- Ed?
- Oh.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, Mr Minnifield.
Can you say that all again?

Well, sure. Uh...

Where was I?

Your butt was tired.

Continuing with the Soapy Sanderson
tribute, here's a favourite of Soapy's.

I like it myself. Little Jimmy Dickens,
"Take an Old Cold Tater ".

All right.

Well, the way I see it,

if you're here for four more years or
four more weeks, you're here right now.

And when you're somewhere
you ought to be there because...

it's not about how long you stay in a
place, but what you do while you're there,

and, when you go, is that place
any better for you having been there.

Am I answering your question?

Um, no, not really.

- What was your question?
- What am I gonna say to Maggie?

I don't know.

It would help if I hadn't had to sleep
in a kennel. I can't even think straight.

I think you ought to just be honest.

Don't skirt the issue, don't...
Just deal with it head-on.

I know.

I'd tell her she's got great lips.

Hello, O'Connell.

- What do you want?
- I just wanna talk.

So talk.

Could you put the axe down?
Please?

Meet you halfway.

This is for you.

What is it?

It's Chief Ronkonhoma's offer
on the property.

- How many spare copies did you keep?
- I told him the land wasn't for sale.

You can ask him.

Look, um...

I've been thinking a lot about
what you said, and, um...

some of it was
right on the money.

OK.

A significant amount.

Most of it. Everything except "odious".
I bathe regularly.

So what do you want me to do?
Absolve you?

You are a hard nut to crack.

Oh, I don't know. You did a pretty
good job about that the other night.

When were you planning on
telling me the truth?

Over breakfast?

I was trying
to tell you the truth. OK?

I wasn't trying very hard,
but I was trying.

Look...

I am sorry about the other night,

but if memory serves, me and my cheek
were minding our own business.

Why don't you just do me the small favour
and not make me relive it?

The other night was about
a bottle of wine. End of story.

I told you, I can't drink.

I have a fianc?e.
You have that... Rick.

We hate each other.
It didn't happen.

Maggie?

I'm fine.
I'm fine, Fleischman.

- Did I...?
- No, you didn't do anything.

Why do you always think
everything has anything to do with you?

I'm upset because... of me, Fleischman,
not because of you.

And because of how... completely
Soapy loved his wife.

And he saw her in me.

In me, Fleischman.

So that's why I'm upset. So just do me
the small favour and just shut up.

Um...

What time is it?

It's almost ten.

- Oh, we gotta get going.
- Going where?

Soapy wanted us
to drop his ashes in the morning.

- Drop them where?
- Over the peaks. It was in the letter.

The peaks,
as in the tops of the mountains?

As in, the only way to get there
is in that plane?

Yeah.

I think you could
do that without me.

Soapy wanted
both of us to do it.

Soapy was under a lot of stress.
He wasn't thinking straight.

Dr Fleischman, tilt your head towards the
jar, like you're saying goodbye to Soapy.

- You'd have more fun doing this alone.
- Get in!

Maybe you two could look a little sad.
Maybe you could cry or something.

Shut up, Ed!

Don't worry. It's a gorgeous day.
It'll be perfectly smooth.

- Maggie, stop it!
- Stop what?

I get the point.

What point?
This is just a little turbulence.

These are the peaks.

- What?
- The peaks. The ashes.

All right, fine.
Good, I could use the urn.

Fleischman!

God!

I mean, I'm a doctor.

I deal with a lot of stuff that other people
would find completely disgusting.

It's not like I'm a wimp
about this kinda thing, believe me.

It's just that I don't like to have remains
in my mouth. Even people I know.

Kim said I had a good eye.
And that was unsolicited.

I was about to lose my breakfast

as Polly Purebred
was busy getting revenge at 5,000ft.

I gotta be honest,

that woman and the Hippocratic oath are
having a hard time together in my head.

I could be the Bergman of the north.

Alaska is further north
than Stockholm, isn't it?

Would you tell me why I care?

I mean, someday Elaine and I are gonna
be married, with three spoiled kids.

The only chief I'll be socialising with
will be the chief of obstetrics.

Maybe neurology.

No, those guys are lunatics.

They said I'd get
a second assistant director's credit.

So it's not like
I don't already have a credit.

We'll be busy raising the kids
and arguing about the in-laws.

Doing a lot of faux-marble stuff
to the condo.

The only consequences of all this will be
that whenever I open a nice Bordeaux,

there will be the distant, distasteful
memory of a nutcase who tried to kill me

because I allowed her to kiss me
on the cheek under false pretences.

I can live with it.

I don't think I'm ever gonna
look at life the same after this.

She kissed you?!