Noragami (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 3 - Bidden Calamity - full transcript

I seriously gotta
wear this garbage?

[YATO] Quit yer complainin'.

Here! Check it out!
This one's kinda cool.

[YUKINE] That's so lame.

Fine, I'll wear it then!

I wonder why I still feel
all this physical stuff.

It doesn't make sense,

considering how long
I've been dead.

[YATO] This looks like
a good spot to eat.

[YATO] Eat up.

Is this a joke?

Ya said you were
hungry, now didn't ya?

So don't be a snob
and eat your lunch.

You call this lunch?

[YATO] Get this straight:
You're my Regalia.

I'm your master
and what I say goes!

[CAT screeching]

Your Regalia, huh?

[YATO] Yup!

And I deserve nothin'
but respect from you!

Worship me!

[CAT meows angrily]

You loyally serve your
master's every demand!

[coughing]

You could at least
serve us some tea, y'know!

With what stove
and what tea, exactly?

This backtalk is not gonna fly!

I demand obedience!

[YATO yelling]

[YATO]
You're ripping out my hair!

Get off me,
you vicious little monster!

[YUKINE] I never would've
dreamed this is how a god lives,

drifting around town
like some kind of bum,

sleeping out on the stone
steps of some old shrine

just to avoid attention,

and digging through
garbage every day

just to find some food.

That's your strategy?

Gotta advertise.

For jobs that never come?

[stomachs growling]

Are you positive
that you're a real god?

That's rude. You doubt me?

All right, then.

I'll show you what I can do.

[door chiming]

[WAITRESS 3A]
Welcome. Good afternoon!

Hiyori's offered
to buy us some grub

all because she
appreciates my services.

[YUKINE]
This feels like extortion to me.

After you eat,

I expect you to finally
take my request seriously.

[WAITRESS 3A]
Hey! Good afternoon.

Can I get you anything to drink?

[YATO] Yeah, how 'bout
two more glasses of water?

[WAITRESS 3A] Huh?

[WAITRESS 3A] Oh!
I'm so sorry, I didn't see you!

I thought you were
invisible to other people,

considering that you're
not human and all.

Not quite.

[YATO]
We're not actually invisible.

We're just hard for people to
notice, but they can see us.

[YATO] Let me ask you this.

How many waitresses
are working in here?

Huh?

[YATO]
Don't look, that's cheating.

Um, I guess...

Like, two?

Whoa, there's four of them?

And it's the same with us.

Yukine and I just kind of
blend in with the background,

just like those
other waitresses.

And if someone does notice us,

we look like normal,
boring people.

They quickly forget
they ever saw us.

[WAITRESS 3A]
I apologize again about that!

[YATO] Think about it like this.

You don't remember
every stranger

you've ever passed
on the street, right?

[YATO] Being from the Far Shore,

we're like the ultimate
stranger, so it's stronger.

[HIYORI]
Well it's pretty noticeable

how much food you eat.

Never let an
offering go to waste!

An important rule!

You're gonna make
yourself sick, you know.

[YATO] Oh, I'll be fine,
gods don't need to poop!

[WAITRESS 3A]
Thank you! Come again!

[HIYORI] Jeez!
He's really got some nerve!

So, uh, thanks
for the food and all.

No problem.

I'm Hiyori Iki, by the way.

You can just call me Hiyori.

[YUKINE] So how do
you know him, Hiyori?

[HIYORI] Um, well...

[HIYORI] I kind of
sometimes lose my body now,

so I'm hoping he can
help me fix that.

Sucks to be you, huh?

I guess so.

[laughs awkwardly]

[HIYORI] Um, so what about you?

How did you, um...

Y'know, what'd you do
before you were Yato's Regalia?

[YUKINE] Well...

...I dunno. I mean,

I do know that I died,

but I can only recall
suddenly being in his hand.

And that's all I can remember.

Nothing from when I was alive,

and I don't know what
to expect now, either.

[YUKINE] Hey, you're that
sardine thief from earlier.

[YUKINE] Good boy.

[HIYORI] He likes you.

Do you like cats?

[YUKINE] It seems like it.

Well cats are
really cute, huh?

I like them, too.

[YATO shouts]

[YATO] Yukine...

You just had a rather
filthy thought, didn't you?

[YATO] Listen up, kid,
just so you know,

gods and Regalias
share mind and body.

So as your master,
you subject me

to every one
of your pervy thoughts.

Keep our minds
out of the gutter!

[YUKINE] Huh?

I don't even know
what you're talking about.

[HIYORI] Wait, what do you
mean you share mind and body?

Man, you kids.

I know puberty's rough, but
try to have a little control.

Shut your mouth, you idiot!

[YATO] Hey, who do you think
you're callin' an idiot?

This is not exactly
how I pictured

a wish-granting god to act.

--[PHONE ringing]
--Not at all.

[YATO] Hello!

Thanks for calling
Delivery God Yato.

I'm fast, affordable,
and I get results!

Yukine!
We got a job! Let's go!

[YUKINE] Someone hired you?

Wait! What about my job?

[screaming in pain]

[breathing deeply]

Hey, what the hell,
who invited you along?

[HIYORI]
You wanna get rid of me?

Finish my job
like you said you would!

[YUKINE] A tail?

[YATO] Who are you?

[YATO] Did you call in
a fake job just to set me up?

[TENJIN]
"When the east wind blows,

spread your fragrance,
o plum blossoms."

Plum blossoms?

[TENJIN]
"Even without your master,

do not forget the spring."

Wait, that's a
Sugawara-no-Michizane poem.

Don't tell me that's...

...the god of learning!

Lord Tenjin!

Oh, my...

You've heard of me?

[YUKINE, HIYORI] Oh, god!

[YATO] Hey, cut it out!

I'm impressed you
recognized the poem,

little spirit.

It's a bit of a golden oldie.

It's in all the schoolbooks!

[TENJIN]
Well, that's distressing.

Don't you have copyright laws?

[HIYORI] They expire
50 years after death.

[TENJIN] Is that so?

So you're a real god.

Such an impressive aura!

[TENJIN] Oh, you flatter me so.

He's the complete opposite.

[TENJIN]
Hmm? Tell me, Yato.

What's this little one called?

[YATO] He's called Yuki.

As a Regalia, Sekki,
and as a person, he's Yukine.

So, Yukine.

I take it you've only
just become a Regalia.

As such, you need not
prostrate yourself before me.

Huh?

[TENJIN] Tsuyu.

It's true.

To put it simply...

...you already serve
in the employ of one god.

And to bow before
another, like so,

is to disrespect
your master.

Please remember this rule.

Wow!

You've also got like an
entire swarm of shrine maidens!

I'm Ayu!

I'm Nayu!

I'm Miyu!

I'm Moyu!

[MOYU] And together we are...

[MAIDENS]
...the maidens of Lord Tenjin!

To be precise,

each one of them
serves as a Regalia to me.

It can be a task
providing for all of them.

Real gods are on
a whole different level!

I'm a real god!

So what do you want?

[TENJIN] Oh, right,

I have my hands
full with requests,

it being exam season and all.

So I was hoping you could
dispatch some Phantoms for me.

I mean, it's not
like you're busy.

[TENJIN]
And I am aware of the fact

that you sleep in my
shrines without permission.

I know you've
hit hard times,

so I'm more than happy to
let you join my Tenman Group.

I could even make you
a branch manager.

[TENJIN] But of course,

I assume you'd prefer
to have your own shrine.

I can respect that.

Oh, I'm sorry, I seem
to only have large bills.

Can you make some change?

Oh, how sad.

Running a little low
on funds, are we?

[HIYORI] There's even a
class division amongst gods?

[YUKINE] That's gotta be why
the world's so screwed up.

You had change
the whole time?

Now then, I'll provide
you with some guidance.

Makoto.

My Lord,

Mayu is still new
to these parts.

I would suggest another guide.

[TENJIN] You do have a point.

[YATO]
This better not be fake.

[TENJIN] But Mayu
happens to know Yato.

[YATO] Tomone?

I no longer go by Tomone.

It's Mayu now.

Tomone!

You--You joined this blowhard?

[MAYU] My name is Mayu.

[HIYORI] You know each other?

[MAYU] You could say that.

There was a time
when I was Yato's Regalia.

Oh, wow!
You were, really?

How was it? I mean,
working with him?

Did he actually follow
through on his jobs?

And what about
food and clothing?

Was he always a homeless,
jobless, bum in a tracksuit?

Well he would
never admit it,

but he's actually every last one
of those things you mentioned.

[YATO] Give your former master
some credit here, Tomone!

It's Mayu, dammit!

Quit calling me by that name.
It's disrespectful.

[YATO] You complained nonstop
about me putting my hands on you

and now you're some
geezer's smoking pipe?

Money sure does change things!

[MAYU] I would have gladly
teamed up with anyone but you!

Is she an ex-girlfriend?

No!

An ex-wife, then?
You're on pretty bad terms.

It's nothing like that!

[YUKINE] Well you sound
like a bitter divorced couple.

[YATO and MAYU arguing]

[HIYORI] Excuse me...

[YATO and MAYU arguing]

[HIYORI] This job
you need Yato for--

It's to kill Phantoms, right?

Are they really that bad?

I mean, do you have to
permanently get rid of them?

Isn't there some other way
you can deal with them?

"Disorder on Earth brings
disorder to the heavens."

[TENJIN] Hiyori, dear,
to be honest with you,

I can't say that I
approve of the existence

of one such as you.

You could too easily
complicate matters

without meaning to.

[MAYU] A few days back,

Lord Tenjin received an
unsettling wish plaque.

[MAYU]
I chose to investigate it,

and learned that two students
had taken their own lives.

Why would anybody do that?

This area is
plagued by Storms.

The Phantoms they bring
cling to people,

and then they take
control of them.

[MAYU] Overcome with
unbearable heartache,

Lord Michizane erected
a barrier here.

[MAYU]
Although, people can still carry

deeply-rooted
inner demons through it,

which hinders the
act of purification.

[train whistle]

[MAYU]
Such an unfortunate waste.

A waste of precious life.

[HIYORI]
So then all we have to do

is the defeat the Phantoms that
are possessing these people?

Yes!

[YATO] Hiyori?

People are dying
because of these Phantoms.

I can't just sit back
and let that happen.

If someone wants
to die, let 'em die.

Huh?

Spoken like the
true scumbag you are.

[HIYORI] Y'know,

that's a pretty
crappy attitude to take.

[YATO] If a soul's
willing to commit suicide,

that means it's been possessed.

It can't even become a Regalia.

[YATO] Dead or alive,
it still doesn't matter.

There's no saving it.

[HIYORI]
How can you even say that?

Isn't it your job
to save people's souls?

[YATO] Right. I'm out.

[MAYU] Not so fast!
You've been paid!

Should we stop her?
Or go after her, at least?

[YUKINE] Man, why's
he gotta be such a jerk?

[YATO] Yukine...

[YATO] It's time
for your first job.

So what exactly
do I have to do?

[YATO] Come to me when
I call for the Regalia

and revert when
I call your name.

That's it for now.

[HIYORI] Yato...

If someone wants
to die, let 'em die.

That's disgusting.
You're plain wrong!

[GREEN PHANTOM 3A]
Don't wanna get a job.

Don't wanna work,

but don't wanna
go to college, either.

[HIYORI] Sushi Roll Kick!

[PHANTOM screaming]

You're gonna pay
for the awful things

you make people do!

[PHANTOMS]
Is us?

--[PHANTOMS] Like us?
--[PHANTOMS] One of us?

[MALE ANNOUNCER 3A] Your
attention please.

A train will be
passing Platform 1.

For your safety, please
remain behind the yellow line.

[PHANTOMS]
--She should be with us.
--We need her with us.

[PHANTOMS]
--Come with us.
--This way.

[PHANTOMS beckoning]

[train whistling]

[HIYORI] Wait!

Jump to me!

[YATO] You okay?

[YATO] Man...

Try to remember you'll
die if your tail gets cut.

Now stay put for a moment.

[YATO] Yukine...

We're barreling straight
towards the real showdown.

I got an E on my practice exam.

Man, this sucks.

[RED PHANTOM 3A]
E. Z.? Take it easy!

[HAND PHANTOM 3A] Don't worry,
come here and take it easy.

[HAND PHANTOM 3A]
Easy. Easy. Take it easy.

The answer is easy.

[YATO]
We're taking out that Phantom.

Don't wuss out now,
all right?

Yeah, no problem.

[HAND PHANTOM 3A] Easy. Easy.

Oh, no! We're too late!

Relax!

[HAND PHANTOM 3A] Easy.

This is the land
of the Rising Sun.

Your desecrations
shall not be allowed.

[YATO] Hear me.
I am the god Yato.

I now lay thee waste
with the Sekki

and expel
thy vast defilement!

I cleanse thee!

[YATO] Rend!

Yuki! Revert!

That's enough!
You cut too well!

[HIYORI] You said
that people who wanna die

should just go ahead and die.

But I guess you don't
feel that way after all.

[YATO] Hate to tell ya,
but you're wrong.

I just refuse to let anyone
die in front of these guys.

"These guys" who?

[YATO] I know things
can get painful.

But people should
still appreciate

what it means to be alive.

[YATO] If a soul's
willing to commit suicide,

that means it's been possessed.

It can't even become a Regalia.

[HIYORI] The Regalias.

They're all so
young and innocent.

[HIYORI] And if none of them
took their own lives,

then every one of them
still wanted to keep on living.

[HIYORI] Yato couldn't stand

for the Regalias to see these
suicides waste their lives.

He wanted to
protect them from that.

Hiyori?

[sobbing]

[YATO yelling]

You little perv!

Okay, what'd you do to her?

Nothing!

[HIYORI] Hey! I'm okay!

I've just got some debris from
earlier in my eye, that's all!

[YUKINE] Huh?
That's not okay, it's dangerous!

[YATO] Huh?
No, don't rub them!

[YUKINE] Easy!

[YATO]
Listen! Just stay calm!

Take deep breaths, okay?

[YATO breathing deeply]

[YUKINE] How's that gonna help?

[YATO] Use it.

[YATO] It'll help
warm ya up a little.

[YATO] For your first job,

I gotta say that ya actually did
pretty good out there today.

[YUKINE] Huh?

[YATO]
Yukine, what's the difference

between butter and margarine?

[YUKINE] Uh, their
ingredients, right?

[YATO] Wrong!
It's their names! Ha ha!

Are you too slow
to solve a simple riddle?

[HIYORI] Next time on Noragami:

"Where Happiness Lies."

[YUKINE] He is so obnoxious.

[HIYORI] Hang in there, Yukine.