Nirvanna the Band the Show (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - The Book - full transcript
On Halloween night, Jay finds a cursed music book hidden in the house. In this fun but terrifying quest, the guys work together to have order restored.
(Goosebumps theme playing)
♪ Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ♪
(Stairs creaking)
MATT: Alright.
’Kay, you ready?
Wh-where’s your costume?
\hWe’re gonna clean
this place up first.
Yeah, but trick-or-treating
time’s now, the time’s now!
\h\hNo, we’re not going
trick-or-treating untilthis place is cleaned up.
\h\h\hI’m not leaving
this place like this.
Look, there’s crumbs everywhere.
Just imagine we come home
with a bag full of treats,
and we put it on a clean ground.
We categorize all the candy.
Yeah, we can’t, man,
\h\hbecause there’s not
gonna be any candy left.
\hWe gotta go while
the getting’s good.You know that.
No, this place is
\htoo messy, Matt.
Yeah, you know what I realized?
\hWe got a fucking
Bolshevik in here.
You’re just trying to
\hget out of cleaning.
\h\h\hLook what you’re doing,
you’re making more of a mess!
And I’m gonna get a bag full!
Look what you did to the pillow!
It’s my bag!My favourite pillow.
\h\hWhen I come back,
it’s gonna be so big.
It’s gonna be a plump bitch bag!
Full!
Why don’t we just take
it down a little bit.
Sure, you’re right, okay.
- And we’ll do a quick Lysol--
- No! That’s it!
No, we’re gonna clean now!\h\h\h\h\hWe’re going
trick-or-treating now!
- Now we’re gonna clean!
\h- No, now trick-treat!
\hWe’re not going
trick-or-treating.
Yep!
\h\h\hNo, we’re gonna--
we’re gonna clean first.
You know what?
\h\h\hThe Halloween
spirit has left you,
and now you will be haunted.
- Hunted?
- Haunted!
No, that’s not--
I’m gonna get a bag
\h\hfull of goodies!
A bag full of...
Don’t leave this house, Matt.
\h\h\hMay Halloween
put a curse on you!
(Gasping)
♪
(Thundering)
(Streetcar screeching)
(Howling)
(Thundering)
(Evil laughing)
(Screaming)
♪
♪
(Laughing)
Trick or treat!
How are ya doing?
Ah, Rockets!
Amazing.Thank you, thank you.
Can’t believe Jay’s missing
\h\h\h\hthis, this is crazy.
Whoa!
That got me, I’m serious.
Ah, a little Spiderman.
(Kid shouting)
Ah, that’s good, the webs.
I’m the Grim Reaper of Death.
You’re a Minion?
\h\hYeah.
(Laughing)
Okay.
Trick or treat!
Hello?
I’m trick-or-treating.
Oh.
I just realized I’m the only...
adult trick-or-treating.
\hI thought it was
gonna be mostly...
like cool old people like us.
(Nervous laughing)
Okay, thanks.
Just starting to think that
\h\h\hmaybe it was a mistake
leaving my friend.
He’s cleaning by himself.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Chuckling)
You don’t have any cleaning
\hsupplies in there, do you?
Trick or treat without me?
Call me Bulkovich?
(Grunting)
(Clanking)
Ow, (Bleep).
(Ominous music)
What the hell is this?
(Ominous music)
(Ominous music)
It’s a music book!
(Knuckles cracking)
(Clearing throat)
(Notes playing)
(Notes playing)
That’s pretty simple.
(Piano playing)
(Electrical buzzing)
(Laughing)
Learned my lesson!
(Laughing)
Come on!
Jay!
(Door shutting)
Bird?
The hell?
He went out trick-or-treating.
I got to him.
\h\h\hI’m gonna clean the
house before he gets back!
♪
(Loud booming)
(Gasping)
\h\hMatt!
I’m small!
Matt!
(Whistling)
(Glass shattering)
\h\h\h\h\hOh shit!
I’ll have to clean that up.
(Laughing)
This is gonna be great!
♪
Okay, what do I start with...
Ah, the piano!
\h\h\hWhat everybody
knows is a piano...
needs a good spray.
Oh (Bleep)!
(Crinkling)
\h\hYou know, people
get weird with wood.
Not me, I go water.
(Loud splashing)
(Screaming)
(Bottle spritzing)
\hJay just does not
maintain this piano!
(Gasping)
(Loud booming)
(Groaning)
(Laughing)
Yikes!
Woo!
See, when Bird gets home,
you are never gonna
\hsee a harder dick.
That dude...
That is a-- That’s a good guy.
That guy is my best friend.I’m not kidding.
\hAnd the shit that I tried to
pull on him today with the...
oh yeah, no Halloween for you...
(Screaming)
Of course he’s mad.
I’m outta the house two
minutes, and he’s gone.
(Distant screaming)
Huh.
Uh, okay, time to
\hget back to it.
(Groaning)
MATT: Look at this crap.
Yuck! Ugh!
Okay.
Oh, Matt! Matt!
\h- Aah.
- Matt!
(Distant screaming)
(Distant screaming)
♪
I gotta get his attention!
MATT: What’s this from?
Someone was ripping
\h\ha pillow apart.
Animals.
(Dinging)
(Sighing)
Time for a big Art Attack!
♪
\hLet’s see if I can
figure out this one.
♪
Yeah, there we go.
♪
Oh, Matt’s gonna love this.
♪
What the hell?
(Uplifting music)
Now that is a piece of shit.
You don’t-- Jay didn’t
\h\hmake that, did he?
Oh my god.
(Bittersweet music)
(Sighing)
Guess I am just a Bulkovich.
Wait a second...
Oh!
I should vacuum up
\hthat stupid art.
(Dramatic sting)
(Vacuum whirring)
\hMATT: I’m gonna
clean this table!
Oh, gotta get that Art Attack.
Here I go. Ah!
(Vacuum whirring)
Sweep this fucking table up!
♪
Whoa!
(Vacuum whirring)
JAY: Help!
(Vacuum whirring)
Did you hear that?
(Vacuum whirring)
Hello?
JAY: Matt!
(Vacuum whirring)
JAY: Matt!
Jay?
JAY: Matt, it’s me!
Yeah, Bird, where are you, man?
JAY: I’m in your head!
No kidding.
JAY: No, I’m in your head!
Yeah, okay, so what do you want?
You’re sending me on a mission?
Do I have to kill the
person who killed you?
Jay, I’m sorry, are you dead?
\hJAY: Matt, your
papier-mâché head!
What?!
JAY: Matt, you gotta
\hget me outta here!What do you mean, Bird?
\h\h\h\hYou fit your
whole body in there?
JAY: No, I’m small!
What the hell are
you talking about?
JAY: You gotta help me!
We’ll get to the bottom of this.
JAY: Don’t step on me!
(Grunting)
Look at me.
What the hell?!
Oh my god!
I need help!
Hold on!
Oh jeez.
(Panting)
Oh!
Can you see me?
Uh, yes, I do.
This is the body and the feet.
Um...
What happened to you, man?!
\h\h\h\h\h\hI played from that
magical book over at the piano,
and it turned me small!
Oh.
Dude, that book looks pure evil.
What the fuck?JAY: Yeah, it’s a cursed book!
So if it’s cursed, then we just
have to play a different song.
Is that how this works?JAY: Okay, okay okay okay okay.
Then we’ll change-- Yeah,
\hthen we’ll change you...
Hmm...
JAY: Okay.
Change you back...
(Lips smacking)
\h\hWhy are you doing
that with your mouth?
(Lips smacking)What?
Oh, no no no, I’m saying
\h\hwe’re gonna change--
You’re licking your lips?
Uh, no no.You’re thinking about eating me?
- What’s the matter with you?
- Yeah, yeah, you know what?
It’s just-- You know what?
It was in case this is a dream,
\hand I would regret it if I
woke up and I didn’t do it.
No! Come on!
Put me on the piano!
Okay, alright, okay.
\h\hThis is a pretty
fucked up situation
in... in many regards.
\hJAY: Matt, I just wanna get
brought back to regular size!
Yeah, okay, alright!Okay, so what are we gonna do?
I’ll pick you up!
Ready? Here we go!
Climb up on my hand.
Okay. You’re not gonna eat me?
MATT: I already said I wasn’t.
Ugh, ’kay, just take
me to the piano now.
MATT: What?
Look-- What a diva.
Okay, ready? Here we go.
(Grunting)
Whoa! Oh (Bleep)!
(Laughing)
This is fun!
It’s like you’re a boy again!
JAY: I’m just a little baby!
Oh, you’re so cute!
(Screaming)
JAY: ’Kay, I’m gonna jump!
Whoa... Ha!
Hey, you did it!
Oh my god, I did it!
Okay, I’ll get the book.
Okay, alright, can
you read this one?
- Yeah, that one looks good.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.
It looks like a friendly song.Yeah, dude, this is it!
\hLook, it’s got a body, and
it turns into a bigger body.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThis is the...
This is the reverse-- revert.JAY: Okay, here we go!
Oh, do... Tom Hanks,
\hdo the Tom Hanks.
Like, okay, yeah, so it’s
\hlike dun dun dun dun...
What the hell?
No, do Tom Hanks I’m saying.
\h\hIt’s not making any
sounds ’cause I’m small!
MATT: Oh, that movie’s called
Big, this is the issue.
Okay, so then you gotta
\hteach me how to do it.
So you show me what...
what to play, and I’ll
fucking play the song.
Okay, yeah.
- Press this one!
\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.
(Note playing)
Good, now all the way... here.
Okay, so...
Da, da, da, da, black one!
(Snorting)
Nice moves, man!
(Laughing)
\hNo, okay, yeah, I
will play it, okay.
(Notes playing)
Yeah, that’s good!
I’m good at this, Bird!
(Notes playing)
Okay, good, I remember
this, I remember this.What is that? Whoa!
- I think it’s working!
\h\h\h\h\h- Whoa, whoa!
(Screaming)
(Panting)
Did it work?
(Gasping)
Did it work? Did it work?
I’m big!
I did it! I...
Bird?
Matt?
What are you in my body for?
(Gasping)
(Screaming)
(Spooky music)
Oh (Bleep).
\h\h\h\hMatt’s body has
got my mind in it!
Oh my god.
I’m... Matt.
Oh no!
I don’t wanna be Matt!
Oh God, look at him!
Let me out!
Let me o-o-out!
This is great!
(Laughing)
How is this great, Matt?
Now we can really get
a show at the Rivoli!
What?
There we go.
\hNo, no no no,
no, no, Matt...
We’re not making a
Rivoli plan, Matt!
Just think about it, Bird.
\hYou get up there in my body
and you start playing the piano!
\h\hThey don’t know that
you’re the piano player.
They don’t know us well?
\hIt’s not gonna make
any difference at all.’Kay, what if we go
to the Rivoli and--
No! We’re figuring out
\hhow to switch back!
That’s it!
(Buzzing)
You got a fly on you?
Because the bugs are
attracted to how...
(Sniffing)
You stink!
Alright, so we’ll switch back.
We’ll work on switching back.
\h\h\hSo how about a
little bit of music?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Pssh!
- Bird, play the piano.
For what?
Little inspiration!
Okay, fine.
Okay, ready?
I’m only doing this once.
(Piano playing)
\h\h\h\hOkay, so we know
that the book is cursed.
\h\h\h\hYou’re playing
songs from the book...
\h\hRight, and then you--
and then you played the...
the Freaky Friday song.Played the Freaky Friday song.
\hWe play that song again, and
then we’re gonna switch back.\h\h\hBird, do you
understand that--
\h\hI got it, yeah, okay,
I’ll play the song again.
\h♪ Oh I’d like to
be you for a day ♪
Put your arms down,
\hnothing happened.Play it again.
\h\h\hWe used up the
magic in this page.
Well, play a different song!I don’t know, Matt.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hCome on, there’s
probably a nice song in here.
Maybe we’ll get something fun.
\h\h\h\h\h- Fun?
- Play this one.
(Sighing)
- Come on, play.
\h\h\h- Okay...
(Piano playing)
(Bongos playing)
Huh...
Whoa, Matt, I didn’t
notice this before.
(Bongos playing)
"A hunter from the
\hdarkest wild..."
\h"...makes you feel
just like a child."
(Laughing)
(Gasping)
BOTH: Van Pelt!
(Screaming)
(Gunshot)
Oh shit!
You miserable coward!
\h\h\hCome back and
face me like a man!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
(Gunshot)
(Glass shattering)
(Bleep)!
Jay, play another
song on the piano!
\hW-What song?
W-which song?!
Just play something!
Okay, okay, Matt, I got one!
(Piano playing)
Stand up.
(Piano playing)
Matt, it’s not working!
(Laughing)
You got him laughing, Bird.
\h\hYou’re finally
acting like a man.
Any last words?
9/11 was an inside job.
Investigate Building 7.
Jet fuel cannot--
\h\h\h\h(Gunshot)
Melt steel beams!
Jay?
I did it, I did it, I did it!
I played the right song!
You’re alive!
\h\h\hI thought you
were gonna get shot!
\h\h\hI don’t actually-- I
don’t really believe that.So the 9/11 stuff...
\h\h\h\h\h\hWe’re both alive!
We’re back in our own bodies!
(Cheering)
(Shuddering)
(Sniffing)
\h\h\h\h\hWell, we went
through something today.
I know!
And thank God it’s over.
(Electrical buzzing)
What was that?
Ah, I got a tummy ache.A what-y ache?
Something in your ear?
\h\h\h\h\h(Shuddering)
- What was that?
\h\h\h\h\h- Oh!
What are you doing?
(Bleep)!
(Gasping)
(Screaming)
(Wincing)
(Screaming)
(Gasping)
(Gagging)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(Gagging)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
World Star!
(Growling)(Screaming)
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThe Nirvanna The Band
The Show Halloween Special
will be right back.
(Roaring)
Hey, Bird, hey!
(Roaring)
Hey, hey, Bird!
It’s me, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!
Bird, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!
(Growling)
Bird?
Are you still Bird?
Matt...
- Matt.
- Matt!
Hey, Jaybird!
Yeah, I can-- I can talk.
You’re still a human?
The best part of you
\h\his still there.
What happened?
Do you wanna be honest or kind?
Well, how do I look?
You’re a wolf.
Take me to the doctor.
\hI have a feeling,
you go to a doctor,
and I’m never seeing you again.
How bad is it?
10 out of 10.
- Oh (Bleep).
\h\h\h\h- Yes.
Yeah, it’s a bit...
Wait a second, wait a second.
Is this a prank?
A prank?
Be honest, Matt,
is this a prank?How would I orc--
\hI mean, that’s the most
insane prank of all time.
Well, what are we gonna do?!
We gotta turn me back!
P-play another song
\h\h\hfrom the book!
That’s the last one.
\h\hWhat do you mean
it’s the last one?!
Look: blanks, blanks, blanks.
Nothing left.
Who the hell wrote that book?!
What? Yeah, you think it was me?
I can’t speak Latin.
\h\h\h\hWell, somebody’s
having a good laugh now!
(Sobbing)
\h\hHey, you know what?
No, no, this isn’t bad!
Hey, you know what?
\hYou’re a werewolf!
Who... Who’s gonna...
(Bleep) a werewolf?
Who’s gonna wanna...
(Sobbing)
...(Bleep) me?You know what?
Maybe they will if you get
\ha... show at the Rivoli.
♪
♪ Dark in the city
night is a wire ♪
♪ Steam in the subway
\h\hearth is a fire ♪
\h\h♪ Do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do ♪
♪
♪ Woman you want me
\h\hgive me a sign ♪
♪ And catch my breathing
\h\heven closer behind ♪
\h\h♪ Do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do ♪
♪
♪ In touch with the ground ♪
♪ I’m on the hunt
\hI’m after you ♪
\h♪ Smell like I sound
I’m lost in a crowd ♪
♪ And I’m hungry like the wolf ♪
Yes, he is a werewolf!
It’s Nirvanna the
Band and the Wolf.
\hBaby, this is the-- this
is the show of a lifetime.
\hPlays the piano, sings,
dances, anything you want.
Do I sound like I’m joking?
I’m watching him right now
chasing fucking squirrels,
he’s gonna rip the thing apart.
He’ll do it all!Dude, hey, for an extra 500,
I can get him to tie you up
\hand fuck your wife for ya.
♪
We got a deal!
We did it!
(Laughing)
We got the show at the Rivoli!
I... I...
(Gunshot)
Huh?
(Gasping)
Bird?
Ah...
♪
♪
♪ Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ♪
(Stairs creaking)
MATT: Alright.
’Kay, you ready?
Wh-where’s your costume?
\hWe’re gonna clean
this place up first.
Yeah, but trick-or-treating
time’s now, the time’s now!
\h\hNo, we’re not going
trick-or-treating untilthis place is cleaned up.
\h\h\hI’m not leaving
this place like this.
Look, there’s crumbs everywhere.
Just imagine we come home
with a bag full of treats,
and we put it on a clean ground.
We categorize all the candy.
Yeah, we can’t, man,
\h\hbecause there’s not
gonna be any candy left.
\hWe gotta go while
the getting’s good.You know that.
No, this place is
\htoo messy, Matt.
Yeah, you know what I realized?
\hWe got a fucking
Bolshevik in here.
You’re just trying to
\hget out of cleaning.
\h\h\hLook what you’re doing,
you’re making more of a mess!
And I’m gonna get a bag full!
Look what you did to the pillow!
It’s my bag!My favourite pillow.
\h\hWhen I come back,
it’s gonna be so big.
It’s gonna be a plump bitch bag!
Full!
Why don’t we just take
it down a little bit.
Sure, you’re right, okay.
- And we’ll do a quick Lysol--
- No! That’s it!
No, we’re gonna clean now!\h\h\h\h\hWe’re going
trick-or-treating now!
- Now we’re gonna clean!
\h- No, now trick-treat!
\hWe’re not going
trick-or-treating.
Yep!
\h\h\hNo, we’re gonna--
we’re gonna clean first.
You know what?
\h\h\hThe Halloween
spirit has left you,
and now you will be haunted.
- Hunted?
- Haunted!
No, that’s not--
I’m gonna get a bag
\h\hfull of goodies!
A bag full of...
Don’t leave this house, Matt.
\h\h\hMay Halloween
put a curse on you!
(Gasping)
♪
(Thundering)
(Streetcar screeching)
(Howling)
(Thundering)
(Evil laughing)
(Screaming)
♪
♪
(Laughing)
Trick or treat!
How are ya doing?
Ah, Rockets!
Amazing.Thank you, thank you.
Can’t believe Jay’s missing
\h\h\h\hthis, this is crazy.
Whoa!
That got me, I’m serious.
Ah, a little Spiderman.
(Kid shouting)
Ah, that’s good, the webs.
I’m the Grim Reaper of Death.
You’re a Minion?
\h\hYeah.
(Laughing)
Okay.
Trick or treat!
Hello?
I’m trick-or-treating.
Oh.
I just realized I’m the only...
adult trick-or-treating.
\hI thought it was
gonna be mostly...
like cool old people like us.
(Nervous laughing)
Okay, thanks.
Just starting to think that
\h\h\hmaybe it was a mistake
leaving my friend.
He’s cleaning by himself.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Chuckling)
You don’t have any cleaning
\hsupplies in there, do you?
Trick or treat without me?
Call me Bulkovich?
(Grunting)
(Clanking)
Ow, (Bleep).
(Ominous music)
What the hell is this?
(Ominous music)
(Ominous music)
It’s a music book!
(Knuckles cracking)
(Clearing throat)
(Notes playing)
(Notes playing)
That’s pretty simple.
(Piano playing)
(Electrical buzzing)
(Laughing)
Learned my lesson!
(Laughing)
Come on!
Jay!
(Door shutting)
Bird?
The hell?
He went out trick-or-treating.
I got to him.
\h\h\hI’m gonna clean the
house before he gets back!
♪
(Loud booming)
(Gasping)
\h\hMatt!
I’m small!
Matt!
(Whistling)
(Glass shattering)
\h\h\h\h\hOh shit!
I’ll have to clean that up.
(Laughing)
This is gonna be great!
♪
Okay, what do I start with...
Ah, the piano!
\h\h\hWhat everybody
knows is a piano...
needs a good spray.
Oh (Bleep)!
(Crinkling)
\h\hYou know, people
get weird with wood.
Not me, I go water.
(Loud splashing)
(Screaming)
(Bottle spritzing)
\hJay just does not
maintain this piano!
(Gasping)
(Loud booming)
(Groaning)
(Laughing)
Yikes!
Woo!
See, when Bird gets home,
you are never gonna
\hsee a harder dick.
That dude...
That is a-- That’s a good guy.
That guy is my best friend.I’m not kidding.
\hAnd the shit that I tried to
pull on him today with the...
oh yeah, no Halloween for you...
(Screaming)
Of course he’s mad.
I’m outta the house two
minutes, and he’s gone.
(Distant screaming)
Huh.
Uh, okay, time to
\hget back to it.
(Groaning)
MATT: Look at this crap.
Yuck! Ugh!
Okay.
Oh, Matt! Matt!
\h- Aah.
- Matt!
(Distant screaming)
(Distant screaming)
♪
I gotta get his attention!
MATT: What’s this from?
Someone was ripping
\h\ha pillow apart.
Animals.
(Dinging)
(Sighing)
Time for a big Art Attack!
♪
\hLet’s see if I can
figure out this one.
♪
Yeah, there we go.
♪
Oh, Matt’s gonna love this.
♪
What the hell?
(Uplifting music)
Now that is a piece of shit.
You don’t-- Jay didn’t
\h\hmake that, did he?
Oh my god.
(Bittersweet music)
(Sighing)
Guess I am just a Bulkovich.
Wait a second...
Oh!
I should vacuum up
\hthat stupid art.
(Dramatic sting)
(Vacuum whirring)
\hMATT: I’m gonna
clean this table!
Oh, gotta get that Art Attack.
Here I go. Ah!
(Vacuum whirring)
Sweep this fucking table up!
♪
Whoa!
(Vacuum whirring)
JAY: Help!
(Vacuum whirring)
Did you hear that?
(Vacuum whirring)
Hello?
JAY: Matt!
(Vacuum whirring)
JAY: Matt!
Jay?
JAY: Matt, it’s me!
Yeah, Bird, where are you, man?
JAY: I’m in your head!
No kidding.
JAY: No, I’m in your head!
Yeah, okay, so what do you want?
You’re sending me on a mission?
Do I have to kill the
person who killed you?
Jay, I’m sorry, are you dead?
\hJAY: Matt, your
papier-mâché head!
What?!
JAY: Matt, you gotta
\hget me outta here!What do you mean, Bird?
\h\h\h\hYou fit your
whole body in there?
JAY: No, I’m small!
What the hell are
you talking about?
JAY: You gotta help me!
We’ll get to the bottom of this.
JAY: Don’t step on me!
(Grunting)
Look at me.
What the hell?!
Oh my god!
I need help!
Hold on!
Oh jeez.
(Panting)
Oh!
Can you see me?
Uh, yes, I do.
This is the body and the feet.
Um...
What happened to you, man?!
\h\h\h\h\h\hI played from that
magical book over at the piano,
and it turned me small!
Oh.
Dude, that book looks pure evil.
What the fuck?JAY: Yeah, it’s a cursed book!
So if it’s cursed, then we just
have to play a different song.
Is that how this works?JAY: Okay, okay okay okay okay.
Then we’ll change-- Yeah,
\hthen we’ll change you...
Hmm...
JAY: Okay.
Change you back...
(Lips smacking)
\h\hWhy are you doing
that with your mouth?
(Lips smacking)What?
Oh, no no no, I’m saying
\h\hwe’re gonna change--
You’re licking your lips?
Uh, no no.You’re thinking about eating me?
- What’s the matter with you?
- Yeah, yeah, you know what?
It’s just-- You know what?
It was in case this is a dream,
\hand I would regret it if I
woke up and I didn’t do it.
No! Come on!
Put me on the piano!
Okay, alright, okay.
\h\hThis is a pretty
fucked up situation
in... in many regards.
\hJAY: Matt, I just wanna get
brought back to regular size!
Yeah, okay, alright!Okay, so what are we gonna do?
I’ll pick you up!
Ready? Here we go!
Climb up on my hand.
Okay. You’re not gonna eat me?
MATT: I already said I wasn’t.
Ugh, ’kay, just take
me to the piano now.
MATT: What?
Look-- What a diva.
Okay, ready? Here we go.
(Grunting)
Whoa! Oh (Bleep)!
(Laughing)
This is fun!
It’s like you’re a boy again!
JAY: I’m just a little baby!
Oh, you’re so cute!
(Screaming)
JAY: ’Kay, I’m gonna jump!
Whoa... Ha!
Hey, you did it!
Oh my god, I did it!
Okay, I’ll get the book.
Okay, alright, can
you read this one?
- Yeah, that one looks good.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.
It looks like a friendly song.Yeah, dude, this is it!
\hLook, it’s got a body, and
it turns into a bigger body.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThis is the...
This is the reverse-- revert.JAY: Okay, here we go!
Oh, do... Tom Hanks,
\hdo the Tom Hanks.
Like, okay, yeah, so it’s
\hlike dun dun dun dun...
What the hell?
No, do Tom Hanks I’m saying.
\h\hIt’s not making any
sounds ’cause I’m small!
MATT: Oh, that movie’s called
Big, this is the issue.
Okay, so then you gotta
\hteach me how to do it.
So you show me what...
what to play, and I’ll
fucking play the song.
Okay, yeah.
- Press this one!
\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.
(Note playing)
Good, now all the way... here.
Okay, so...
Da, da, da, da, black one!
(Snorting)
Nice moves, man!
(Laughing)
\hNo, okay, yeah, I
will play it, okay.
(Notes playing)
Yeah, that’s good!
I’m good at this, Bird!
(Notes playing)
Okay, good, I remember
this, I remember this.What is that? Whoa!
- I think it’s working!
\h\h\h\h\h- Whoa, whoa!
(Screaming)
(Panting)
Did it work?
(Gasping)
Did it work? Did it work?
I’m big!
I did it! I...
Bird?
Matt?
What are you in my body for?
(Gasping)
(Screaming)
(Spooky music)
Oh (Bleep).
\h\h\h\hMatt’s body has
got my mind in it!
Oh my god.
I’m... Matt.
Oh no!
I don’t wanna be Matt!
Oh God, look at him!
Let me out!
Let me o-o-out!
This is great!
(Laughing)
How is this great, Matt?
Now we can really get
a show at the Rivoli!
What?
There we go.
\hNo, no no no,
no, no, Matt...
We’re not making a
Rivoli plan, Matt!
Just think about it, Bird.
\hYou get up there in my body
and you start playing the piano!
\h\hThey don’t know that
you’re the piano player.
They don’t know us well?
\hIt’s not gonna make
any difference at all.’Kay, what if we go
to the Rivoli and--
No! We’re figuring out
\hhow to switch back!
That’s it!
(Buzzing)
You got a fly on you?
Because the bugs are
attracted to how...
(Sniffing)
You stink!
Alright, so we’ll switch back.
We’ll work on switching back.
\h\h\hSo how about a
little bit of music?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Pssh!
- Bird, play the piano.
For what?
Little inspiration!
Okay, fine.
Okay, ready?
I’m only doing this once.
(Piano playing)
\h\h\h\hOkay, so we know
that the book is cursed.
\h\h\h\hYou’re playing
songs from the book...
\h\hRight, and then you--
and then you played the...
the Freaky Friday song.Played the Freaky Friday song.
\hWe play that song again, and
then we’re gonna switch back.\h\h\hBird, do you
understand that--
\h\hI got it, yeah, okay,
I’ll play the song again.
\h♪ Oh I’d like to
be you for a day ♪
Put your arms down,
\hnothing happened.Play it again.
\h\h\hWe used up the
magic in this page.
Well, play a different song!I don’t know, Matt.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hCome on, there’s
probably a nice song in here.
Maybe we’ll get something fun.
\h\h\h\h\h- Fun?
- Play this one.
(Sighing)
- Come on, play.
\h\h\h- Okay...
(Piano playing)
(Bongos playing)
Huh...
Whoa, Matt, I didn’t
notice this before.
(Bongos playing)
"A hunter from the
\hdarkest wild..."
\h"...makes you feel
just like a child."
(Laughing)
(Gasping)
BOTH: Van Pelt!
(Screaming)
(Gunshot)
Oh shit!
You miserable coward!
\h\h\hCome back and
face me like a man!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
(Gunshot)
(Glass shattering)
(Bleep)!
Jay, play another
song on the piano!
\hW-What song?
W-which song?!
Just play something!
Okay, okay, Matt, I got one!
(Piano playing)
Stand up.
(Piano playing)
Matt, it’s not working!
(Laughing)
You got him laughing, Bird.
\h\hYou’re finally
acting like a man.
Any last words?
9/11 was an inside job.
Investigate Building 7.
Jet fuel cannot--
\h\h\h\h(Gunshot)
Melt steel beams!
Jay?
I did it, I did it, I did it!
I played the right song!
You’re alive!
\h\h\hI thought you
were gonna get shot!
\h\h\hI don’t actually-- I
don’t really believe that.So the 9/11 stuff...
\h\h\h\h\h\hWe’re both alive!
We’re back in our own bodies!
(Cheering)
(Shuddering)
(Sniffing)
\h\h\h\h\hWell, we went
through something today.
I know!
And thank God it’s over.
(Electrical buzzing)
What was that?
Ah, I got a tummy ache.A what-y ache?
Something in your ear?
\h\h\h\h\h(Shuddering)
- What was that?
\h\h\h\h\h- Oh!
What are you doing?
(Bleep)!
(Gasping)
(Screaming)
(Wincing)
(Screaming)
(Gasping)
(Gagging)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(Gagging)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
World Star!
(Growling)(Screaming)
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThe Nirvanna The Band
The Show Halloween Special
will be right back.
(Roaring)
Hey, Bird, hey!
(Roaring)
Hey, hey, Bird!
It’s me, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!
Bird, it’s Matt, it’s Matt!
(Growling)
Bird?
Are you still Bird?
Matt...
- Matt.
- Matt!
Hey, Jaybird!
Yeah, I can-- I can talk.
You’re still a human?
The best part of you
\h\his still there.
What happened?
Do you wanna be honest or kind?
Well, how do I look?
You’re a wolf.
Take me to the doctor.
\hI have a feeling,
you go to a doctor,
and I’m never seeing you again.
How bad is it?
10 out of 10.
- Oh (Bleep).
\h\h\h\h- Yes.
Yeah, it’s a bit...
Wait a second, wait a second.
Is this a prank?
A prank?
Be honest, Matt,
is this a prank?How would I orc--
\hI mean, that’s the most
insane prank of all time.
Well, what are we gonna do?!
We gotta turn me back!
P-play another song
\h\h\hfrom the book!
That’s the last one.
\h\hWhat do you mean
it’s the last one?!
Look: blanks, blanks, blanks.
Nothing left.
Who the hell wrote that book?!
What? Yeah, you think it was me?
I can’t speak Latin.
\h\h\h\hWell, somebody’s
having a good laugh now!
(Sobbing)
\h\hHey, you know what?
No, no, this isn’t bad!
Hey, you know what?
\hYou’re a werewolf!
Who... Who’s gonna...
(Bleep) a werewolf?
Who’s gonna wanna...
(Sobbing)
...(Bleep) me?You know what?
Maybe they will if you get
\ha... show at the Rivoli.
♪
♪ Dark in the city
night is a wire ♪
♪ Steam in the subway
\h\hearth is a fire ♪
\h\h♪ Do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do ♪
♪
♪ Woman you want me
\h\hgive me a sign ♪
♪ And catch my breathing
\h\heven closer behind ♪
\h\h♪ Do do do do do do do
do do do do do do do do ♪
♪
♪ In touch with the ground ♪
♪ I’m on the hunt
\hI’m after you ♪
\h♪ Smell like I sound
I’m lost in a crowd ♪
♪ And I’m hungry like the wolf ♪
Yes, he is a werewolf!
It’s Nirvanna the
Band and the Wolf.
\hBaby, this is the-- this
is the show of a lifetime.
\hPlays the piano, sings,
dances, anything you want.
Do I sound like I’m joking?
I’m watching him right now
chasing fucking squirrels,
he’s gonna rip the thing apart.
He’ll do it all!Dude, hey, for an extra 500,
I can get him to tie you up
\hand fuck your wife for ya.
♪
We got a deal!
We did it!
(Laughing)
We got the show at the Rivoli!
I... I...
(Gunshot)
Huh?
(Gasping)
Bird?
Ah...
♪
♪