Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 16 - Gene Shelly - full transcript

Previously on Nip/Tuck:

I am not ready to operate.

Cervical nerves are still inflamed.
My hands aren't what they were.

- Where's your partner?
- I prefer to work alone.

Very nice.

Are you a doctor?

I'm your husband.

- I can't walk. It's hard.
- So is stage II breast cancer.

What does breast cancer
have to do with anything?

I have it.

Let me tell you what I
don't like about yourself.



Raj. I'm very sorry about that.

Dr. Paresh is new here, I'm
afraid, and a little overzealous.

Miss Shelly, tell us
what you don't like.

It's Mr. Shelly, for starters.

You are a man.

Could you send Gunga
Din out for water, please?

Oh, that's all right. We're
used to it, aren't we, Tracey?

Can't tell you how
many times we've been

mistaken for sisters
over the past few years.

Even lesbians.

What we are is horse people.

We have a ranch
up in Santa Clarita.

The ranch hands have taken to
calling me "ma'am" behind my back.

- But you're generally in good health?
- Never been sick a day in my life.



But I turn 45 and suddenly all
my muscles have turned to jelly.

My tummy is all flab and I've
got jowls like my grandmother.

Have you experienced a
decrease in your sex drive?

No question about that.

Just being honest, honey.

Hot flashes? Irritability?

Oh, my Lord. You're
going through the change.

Actually, a gradual
decrease in testosterone...

can cause a hormonal condition
similar to those experienced by women.

It is called andropause.
From the Greek.

"Andro" meaning male,
"pause" meaning stop.

There are various forms of testosterone
replacement. Injections, creams...

And risk cancer? Shit,
I'd rather turn into a girl.

Which, in fact, is a distinct
possibility, hormonally speaking.

Chemotherapy can produce
temporary or permanent sterility...

because of the effect upon
the testes. Ask Dr. Troy...

- Dr. Paresh, please.
- It's all right, Sean.

I, uh, was recently
diagnosed with breast cancer.

I know all there is to know
about hormone therapies.

You poor man.

I'm so sorry.

Well, Mr. Shelly, we can certainly
give you more definition in your jawline.

Tighten up your cheeks,
give you some pec implants.

No offense here, doctor...

but, uh, who the heck
is gonna do the surgery?

I mean, you're in a wheelchair
and he's getting chemo and...

How old are you, son?

Seventeen. But I am a genius.

Regardless of what Dr. McNamara
and I are going through, I assure you...

that we can make you look as virile
and masculine as the man you are inside.

All right.

Had probably been on
for about an hour, and, uh...

Soaking wet.

And, uh, there were two.

My neighbors walked over and asked
me very politely to get off their lawn.

So I got up and put
my clothes on and, uh...

This might sting as
it enters the system.

- Where's the call button?
- I'm nearby. Don't worry.

When is the nausea
most likely to start...?

Lizzy? Lizzy... Lizzy,
I'm a big boy, okay?

I'll ask the questions.

I mean, really, when's
the last time I...?

You know, to just take, uh, a look
at nature just to really, fully take it in?

You know, the other day I decided to
lay down on the grass, uh, for awhile...

and just look up at the sky.

Stop it. You've been
a lesbian so long...

you forgot that men don't like
to be petted when they're puking.

Gotcha.

Oh, shit.

I hate vomiting.

It means that
it's working, doll.

That's an urban myth.

What are you doing? I don't need
a mommy. I don't want a mommy.

Stop being my mommy.

Will you get me
some water, please?

Where's your toy? Oh, here.

Hmm.

There you go.

Now you can focus on
what really counts, right?

Picking up some
babes in the park, right?

- Hey.
- Oh, hey, um.

Look, Mommy's
here. There she is.

- Are you ready to go do some swinging?
- Hello.

Oh.

I made some pasta.
It's in the fridge.

And there's some juice boxes
there, if you wanna grab a couple.

Do you need some, uh...?

No, no, no. I got it.

I'm okay.

Looks like you've really
mastered that thing.

Well, it's not hard
once you get used to it.

- How's Olivia?
- Great.

She's really taking care of me.

And how are you?

The doctor said
it'll take as long as it

takes. That I shouldn't
expect any miracles.

Some things are coming back, although
I don't remember the actual incident.

But, you know,
childhood memories...

and my grandparents, relatives.

Our years together.

I know you're still mad at me.

Matt told me.

I just don't understand why
you'd lie to me like that, you know?

Tell me we were still married.

I guess at the time...

it just seemed
like it would help.

Who? You or me?

Olivia's working late all week.

When was the last time you
had a good home-cooked meal?

You know what's great?

You haven't lost any
hair from your chemo yet.

You'd like to see me bald?

What are you talking about?

Did you know 17 percent of cancer
patients don't actually lose their hair?

That's gonna be me, boy.

I am stronger than any of that
chemical bullshit they can dish at me.

So, pal, even on chemo, I'm
gonna be better-looking than you.

Don't be an asshole. I was
just making conversation.

What I should've said was, I feel
terrible you're going through this.

But I'm here for you,
whatever you need.

I'll let you know when I
need your help. I'm fine.

You don't look fine. Why
don't you take today off?

We have a patient. You're
sure not gonna operate, are you?

Raj is here. I'm assisting.

Don't be ridiculous, all right?
Look, I need to work, okay?

Need a hand wheeling
yourself out, killer?

No, I'm fine, pal.

Soon it will be you in his place,
Dr. Christian Troy, and me in yours.

May I say that it will be an
honor to do your reconstruction?

Christian and I haven't discussed
you performing the surgery, Raj.

Because there's nothing
to talk about. You're doing it.

We're talking about my
tit here. I want the best.

- I can't operate in this chair.
- I will rig the table so you can reach it.

I mean, Jesus, Sean.

A little help, Linda. Who
cranked up the heat in here?

You trying to make it feel
like sweet home Calcutta?

No one touches the
thermostat but me.

I'm sick and tired of talking
about you in that chair.

Can you pass me a
tray, please, Linda?

Whew.

Okay. Who wants to close?

There you go.

Perfect.

Are you expecting
a playdate, Gloria?

Uh, no. Wilber and I go
to the park, Mr. Christian.

Oh.

Mm.

- Hi.
- Oh, hello.

Where's Matt?

- Tuesday's his day to watch Jenna.
- Well, you're early, because it's Monday.

- What? You're kidding.
- Mm-hm. No.

No, no, no. I can't cancel
my massage, Christian.

- Do you have any idea how tense I've been?
- Grandpa can take care of her.

No. She can't be around you.

- What if she catches something?
- What?

- Ah, Gloria. Gloria, right?
- Mm-hm.

- Is that your name? Hi.
- Mm-hm.

Um, how would you like to make a
little extra dinero right now? Yeah?

If you could watch my daughter
till I get back from my appointment...

I will give you dos. Dos
hundred dollars. Is that fair?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay, great. Here we go.

Oh, yes.

Okay, here we
go. Here's her bag.

- Okay, uh.
- And the money?

- Oh, money. Yes, very good.
- Uh-huh.

- Thank you.
- There you go, okay, yes. Goodbye.

- Here we go.
- Come on, Wilber.

- See you later, Wilber.
- See you.

- Let's go.
- You be a good boy, all right?

I'm sorry about the Jenna
thing. You understand, I just...

I want what's best for her.
Do you have any water?

Oh, I need to start flushing my
toxins right now. I'm exhausted.

I understand. In fact, I've
never seen you this tense.

You have no idea.

I mean, maybe a little bit with
the cancer, but being a mother?

- There's nothing more stressful.
- I bet.

And with Eden living
with you and Ram...

I'm sure you're not getting
the attention you need.

Mm.

- You always know what to do.
- That's because I'm a real man.

I wanna hear you say it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You're a real man, baby.

Uh, uh, uh.

- Leave it on.
- Real men have scars.

I'm sorry.

That's disgusting.

- What?
- It's... It's disgusting.

And I'm not surprised, because
you, with all of your self-loathing...

and the way you've treated people,
I mean, no wonder you pulled that in.

- I did what?
- You did this.

It's karma,
Christian. It's a bitch.

Are you gloating at the
fact that I have cancer?

Get out of here.

I bet that made you feel
like a real man now, huh?

Throwing me around like that?

I feel sorry for
you, Christian, I do.

But when you look at
all the emotional scars...

you've left on other
women over the years...

I'm surprised that this
didn't happen to you sooner.

You're a great candidate
for liposuction, Miss Taylor.

Incisions will be very small, I promise.
Your coworkers won't notice a thing.

Except how much
better you look, of course.

So it says here that you take
naproxen and Celebrex for arthritis...

uh, Tagamet for GERD...

ahem, and liotrix,
uh, for hypothyroidism.

Wow, uh, okay.

- Uh, and you take Tagamet every day?
- Yes.

- Uh, that's right.
- Okay, um.

I'm gonna have
to look this up...

just because I'm not sure that
you should be taking all these if...

Okay, let's just... Let's
move on for a second.

Um, your facelift.

So I can easily remove your brow lines
with injections of Botox here and here.

Ow!

- And pull back here and here.
- Oh, that hurts.

- Okay, stop.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you trying to break
my skin with that thing?

This isn't worth $15 an hour.

She's a real live person, Dr. Pendell,
not just some body on a table.

You have to talk to her,
you have to listen to her.

What's your name, ma'am?

Lila Rusovic.

Miss Rusovic, thank you
so much for coming today.

I know it's not much
money for your time...

but it really helps the students
to practice their consultations.

That's okay. I enjoy
the role-playing. Ha, ha.

It's more fun than sitting around
watching the soaps all day.

Ha, ha. Well, good.

Uh, let's talk about your prescriptions
before we talk about the operation.

How long have you
had this thyroid problem?

Twenty years.

Okay, have you been
on liotrix the whole time?

I was in awe at the way you
connected with that woman.

Oh, you're connecting
now, Daphne.

- I can take good care of people.
- Yes, you can.

- I know I can.
- You can.

Oh, God, you are beautiful.

Oh, you're a big boy.

Oh, yeah, my baby.

My big, beautiful baby boy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, please, Mommy.

What the hell's
going on in here?

Jesus, Raj. You're a physician.
This is a place of business.

Back off, Doc Holliday.

I was just thanking Raji for
the bang-up job he did on Gene.

Next time buy him
a muffin basket.

You have any idea what kind of a
lawsuit we'd be facing if Gene found out?

- You're all down but nine, doctor.
- What the hell does that mean?

It means you're
missing the point.

Not a whole lot to do up in
horse country except ride.

And screw.

Trace and I, we like
to stay open-minded.

Well, next time, open your minds
and your mouths somewhere else.

You are tight as a spring.

If you don't release some of that
energy you got gurgling up in your pants...

you're gonna give
yourself a heart attack.

Please forgive me, Dr. Christian Troy. I
have never experienced a woman before.

It was so glorious.

Go home, Raj.

Yeah... Just...

Look at you. You're
practically walking again.

Can you grab my chair?

- Yeah.
- Leave it where it is.

I wanna see you walk to it
yourself. Five steps without the bars.

- You can do it.
- No, I can't.

Just bring it over, please.

You want the chair again?

You're going to have
to get it on your own.

I can't. I can't.

Come on, man. He already wore
himself out. Just bring him the chair.

Your muscle mass is normal. Your
range of motion is above average.

I've worked in
rehabilitation for nine years.

I know when someone is ready to walk,
and I know when someone is refusing to.

Matt, the chair.

- You can walk.
- I need the chair!

You can walk!

Walk, Sean! Walk!

Oh, Dad? You okay?

You're fired. Get out.

- You're babying him.
- I said, get the hell out of here!

You have no idea what you're doing
or how to treat people. So just go.

Here.

It's okay, Dad. You'll
walk when you're ready.

You're doing the best
you can, I know that.

Thank you.

Mm.

I love washing your body.

Mm.

Mm.

Hmm.

I wanna take away all your pain.

All your trauma, all your fear.

Why don't you join me, huh?

- Come on.
- Oh.

That big, bad monster lady took
away all of your trust, didn't she?

Actually, I'm doing
pretty fine at the moment.

- Sean.
- Yeah?

- I have an idea.
- What?

- I know just what you need, baby.
- Ha, ha.

- Here, come here.
- No...

- Put your arms around me.
- Daphne, take your clothes off...

- No, trust me, baby. Trust me.
- And get in here.

Come on, put your
arms around Mommy.

- Okay.
- Come on, baby, hold on.

- Hold on to Mommy.
- Unh.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, baby's all clean now.

Hmm.

Come here.

Just one more thing.

Just think how soft and smooth
you'll be for Mommy, huh?

Sweetie, what are you doing?

Don't you trust me?

Show me how brave you are. You
need to learn how to trust again, baby.

Oh, you like the foamy
friction? Ha, ha, oh, yes, you do.

No, no, stay still.
Stay very still.

No sudden moves so
Mommy's hand won't slip.

You are gonna be as soft
and smooth as a baby's bottom.

- That's it. Yeah.
- Ha, ha.

- Hey, baby.
- Who the hell are you?

I'm Kitty. We
talked on the phone.

We may have talked on the
phone, but you're not Kitty.

Not the Kitty I
saw on Craigslist.

Yeah, that, uh,
picture's a few years old.

Hah. And of someone else.

Look, dude.

I'm here. I have a vagina. It's a
pretty good one, believe it or not.

And for 300 bucks, you
can put your dick in it.

Or any of my other
welcoming holes.

And afterwards, I will leave without
asking for as much as a Hot Pocket.

So am I staying or going?

- Fine.
- Ha, ha, okay, Kool Moe Dee.

So do you want, um, straight
sex or something kinky?

Just straight.

Don't.

You want a drink?

Sure.

Nice digs. I was once
with one of the dudes

from Taxi, at a place,
uh, right near here.

A few years ago.

Mm.

You don't have AIDS
or anything, do you?

Because you look like shit.

No. I have cancer.

Oh.

Well, no refunds if
you can't get it up.

- I'll be fine.
- As long as you're not contagious.

Jesus Christ, what did you
swallow, a whole loaf of garlic bread?

I went to the Olive Garden.
I've gotta eat, don't I?

Oh, God. Get out.

Oh, relax. I have an Altoid. I don't
know where you get off being so choosy.

Have you taken a
good look at yourself?

You're no Rico Suave.

No refunds. I want my money.

- What, for stinking up my living room?
- I walk through the door, I get paid.

What are you
doing? Give me that.

Give it to me. Give it to me.

Don't take those. Please.

- I need them. I'm sick.
- Go call your doctor.

Dickhead.

Hey, it's me.

Can you come over?

Where's Wilber?

At the nanny's house.

He's close with her son.

- And how did you say the lamp broke?
- I told you, I tripped.

Why does it smell like Shalimar?

Shit.

Oh, Liz?

I'm not watching.

Aren't you gonna do
the rub-my-back thing?

Here. Take this.

You'll be out before you know it,
and tonight will seem like a bad dream.

Mm.

You're the real deal,
Lizzy. Who knew?

I left you juice.

I cleaned the lamp, I scrubbed
the toilet. You're gonna be good.

I will see you in the morning.

- Liz?
- Yeah?

Can you stay a while?

Just until I fall asleep.

- Dr. Christian Troy.
- Mm-hm.

- I apologize if I am late.
- No, you're right on time.

I was thinking, while we're at it,
why don't we go a bit bigger, huh?

Bulk it up a little. You
know, bilateral implants.

- Let me show you what I was thinking.
- All right.

Uh, Dr. Liz Cruz.

- We are meeting in here.
- Oh, okay.

- Hi, Christian.
- What do you think, Lizzy?

- One pec or two?
- One.

I don't think your chest
needs any more inflating.

Here we are then. 3-D imaging,
the latest in CAT-scan technology.

- How you feeling?
- Good, thanks.

- Thanks for coming over.
- Hmm.

I will now present
a 3-D rendering...

of Dr. Christian Troy's
custom-made pectoralis implant.

What is going on here?

Oh, Raj is showing us a
demonstration of my, uh, breast implants.

- Without consulting me?
- You didn't wanna do it.

- You want me to beg?
- Fine, it's your body.

Sean, Christian had a
really rough night last night...

so maybe this isn't the
time to have that discussion.

Lizzy, it's really
not your concern.

And why did you leave this
morning without saying goodbye?

- You mean without making your breakfast?
- Left? What were you doing?

She was holding my
head up while I was puking.

You gonna get pissed because I
didn't call you so you could do that too?

It was no big deal. I came over, I
kept him company, I rubbed his back.

And then we just drifted off
into sleep. And you know, it was...

Miss Cruz.

You and Dr. Christian
Troy had sexual intercourse.

You and Liz had sex?

Yes, Sean, Lizzy was there for me. She
spread her legs and made me feel good.

- You were awake?
- Yup, got my mojo back, ha, ha.

It just happened. Um.

I was practically asleep. I
thought that he was asleep.

Practically asleep? Nobody orgasms
like that if they're practically asleep.

You pretended to be out of it.
And why didn't you say anything?

It was late. I know what lesbians are like,
they like to cuddle and talk afterwards.

You arrogant little prick.

- Oh, come on, it's not a big deal.
- No, you're right.

You know what? It is no big deal.
Because I knew you weren't sleeping...

and I faked my orgasm,
and you are a lousy lay!

That is a snap.

No, she didn't fake it.
Nobody fakes it that good.

Nobody.

- Yeah.
- Shh.

- Oh, yeah.
- Ha, ha.

Oh, God, I love how
smooth you are down there.

I have some surprises
for my baby tonight.

I like that.

Oh.

Oh, that's warm.

Well, I don't want your
skin to be all dry down there.

One more.

- I get to do you next, okay?
- Ha, ha.

Close your eyes.

- Don't look.
- Okay.

Okay. You ready?

You ready for Mommy?

Oh, God.

Don't look. Almost there.

That's, uh... Okay.

Yeah, good boy.

- What the...?
- Good boy.

Oh, my God. Your legs.

- A diaper?
- You can walk?

Yeah, it's a goddamn
miracle. Now, you, out.

But... You know what? You
love it. You love the attention.

- You love being treated like a child.
- I'm not your Baby Huey.

Yeah, you're a big liar pretending
you needed a wheelchair.

Not anymore!

Hi, Mr. Raj. How you doing?

Oh, my.

You have a penis.

It goes with my balls.

But it doesn't make
me any less of a woman.

Raj? Am I interrupting?
Are you meditating?

I am praying to free
myself from impurity and sin.

Well, aim high.

- Liz Cruz?
- Yeah?

Why do you choose to rub
vaginas with your own sex?

Attraction isn't
something you choose.

It's just who you are.

- But what if I don't want to be what I am?
- What are you talking about?

I was very attracted
to Tracey Shelly.

We had oral copulation. It was more
ecstatic than releasing my kundalini.

Okay, I don't think I
wanna know any more.

But just now...

in the men's room, I
discovered Tracey had a penis.

Oh, wait a minute.
Tracey is a man?

- Yes.
- Oh!

The best sex I have
ever had was from a dude.

Look, it is okay to be confused.

Sex is like politics.

You label yourself Republican,
Democrat, straight or gay.

And then one day,
you cross party lines...

because you have a strong
feeling about a particular candidate.

And then you don't
know what you are.

I like breasts, Liz Cruz.

Well, so do I.

Oh, or I did.

- You don't like them anymore?
- Of course I do.

Labels are for cans
of tuna, not people.

Hmm.

Thank you, Liz Cruz.

I think you are a
beautiful lesbian.

Or non-lesbian.
Whatever you decide.

- I'm sorry.
- What, it's broken?

No, because you're such
an idiot for punching a wall.

He's lucky he wasn't home when Mom told
me or it'd be his head you'd be examining.

Just take a breath, all right?

I'm surprised you're
not angrier, Christian.

I'm not convinced
you saw what you saw.

Sean was standing there naked at
the front door, tossing some floozy out...

and then he smoothly
walked back to his room.

I mean, the whole thing
was so inconceivable...

that at first I
thought it was you.

And then you noticed
the missing 3 inches?

Be serious, Christian.

You know, Sean's
made fools of all of us.

The only reason I was there was
because I actually felt sorry for him...

because I saw your empty refrigerator. I
was actually gonna cook dinner for him.

I don't understand
why he'd do it.

It's more work trying to pull this
off than it would be if he stood up.

He's a big baby. He wanted
attention. I was around all the time.

- He got Mom to forgive him out of pity.
- Sean has used us.

He has manipulated us to fulfill
some kind of regression fantasy.

You're actually sick, Christian,
and he stuck you with all the work.

He's so addicted to coddling...

he's letting that Indian kid
do your reconstruction surgery.

He's supposed to
be your best friend.

I say we all wait for him here,
push him down to the pier...

dump him and that chair into the ocean
and see how fast his legs start working.

I'll deal with this.

Alone.

And, Julia, start
using the front door.

Oh, you caught me.

I was just finishing my shoulder presses.
Helps me get up those ramps, you know.

- I have one more set.
- Right.

- What are you doing home so early?
- Ah.

What...? What's going on?

We need to talk about what is
going on with you and this chair.

You're right. And I
know what this is about.

You're still pissed that
I'm not doing your surgery.

And I get it. No one feels
worse about it than I do.

If you think you can
force me to get better...

so I just jump up and walk
back into surgery, you're wrong.

I don't need any more pressure right
now. I'm doing the best I can, all right?

I know you are.

Always have.

You've always been
the responsible one.

You're the one who studied in
college while I was out partying.

You're the one who had kids and got
married while I was screwing around.

Must be exhausting having
to take care of everybody else.

All I wanna say is...

you stay in that chair
as long as you need.

As far as the surgery's concerned,
I can wait as long as it takes.

All right?

Shit. Chemo.

Don't fight it.

It's less painful that way.