Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 4, Episode 2 - Blu Mondae - full transcript

Previously on Nip / Tuck...

Something wrong with our baby?

- It's called Electridl...
- Ectrodactyly.

Look, you're a doctor.
You know what those hands look like.

Never be able to go out in public

and not be stared at by strangers
who'd laugh that he's a freak!

- Where's Mattie?
- He's in the garage.

- It's been over two hours.
- Sweetheart, just let him be.

It's a family dinner, Julia.
That means all the family.

Maybe the reason your relationships
with women keep failing

is because you're taken.



What the hell are you talking about?

Have you ever considered the possibility
that you're in love with your partner?

Nothing like the real thing, baby.

Everything's real about me
except my name, Blu Mondae.

I made it up when I moved out here
from Embarrass, Minnesota,

that's the coldest place
in the United States.

I nearly froze my hooters off.
Wanna know my real name?

Honey,
everything I need to know about you

is bouncing right in front of my face.

You can have them.
They're like huge weights around my neck.

By the end of the day...

Sweetheart, I pay you money
to keep it simple,

which means more ass and less mouth,
unless it's sucking on me hard.

Sorry.



Look, your breasts are beautiful.

They're the quintessence of femininity.
Trust me, I should know.

I spend my life stuffing implants
into flat-chested wannabes.

You're a plastic surgeon?

I can't get taken serious

on account of everyone assumes
I'm just some big-titted whore.

I couldn't even get a job at Sea World
because my tits weren't "family friendly. "

Why would you wanna look like a boy?

Well, if you made them look smaller,

then people's attitudes
towards me would change.

I could maybe go into business
selling Mary Kay or something.

I could work it off.

Sorry, honey. You could dance
on my dick until you're 90.

No pro bono for boning a pro,
no matter how hot you are.

New policy.

Let's go.

Shit!

Thank you, sweetheart.

Yeah?

Shit, Michelle,
I'm in the middle of something.

I'll be there when I'm finished.

Yeah. Let's get them bouncing, honey.

That's it.

Mr. Skinner, tell me
what you don't like about yourself.

- Well, I was...
- His chin, for starters.

It's weak and a bit ill-defined.
We're thinking something stronger.

And maybe a little straightening
of the nose.

Something a bit more aristocratic,
like, well, like this.

So you'd like me to make him look
more like you?

Well, I'm not expecting miracles.

We can't all be born
with these cheekbones.

I was a sculptor's model.

You remember the naked statue
that caused such a fuss in Tampa?

- The dolphin?
- Oh, snap!

I like you.

Brains and beauty.

I'm sorry. I don't play for your team.

That's what they all say at first.

Look at Mitchell.
Straight as the day was long.

Until I came along and saved him

from a backwards,
backwoods marriage to a child-bride.

- You were married?
- I was 16.

We grew up together. It didn't work out.

You see? People can change.

He was so innocent, poor boy.

But I thought,
"I can make something of this boy. "

But the face...

Mr. Skinner, is this something
you're interested in?

Yeah. Sure. You know.

Mitchell understands
that the world I live in,

that we live in, has a certain aesthetic.

And you can't enjoy its privileges without
conforming to certain higher standards.

Why don't we schedule you for a
pre-operative consultation, Mr. Skinner?

That way we can go through your options
in greater detail?

How's that sound?

Hey. We got you a little something,
sort of a pre-birthday present.

- It's a gym membership.
- It's the new one down on Collins.

Oh, well, thanks. That's really cool of you.

But, I got everything I need in the garage.

Matt, wait.

It's just that we think
you're in there all the time.

- You're all alone.
- Yeah, I like being alone.

But it'd be good for you to get out, honey.

You know, just to be around other people.

It's two minutes from your therapist's,
you can go right after.

Was there anything else
you wanna control in my life?

Maybe I should be
on a bathroom schedule, too?

Look, do us a favor.
Don't say no until you check it out.

Morning.

You know, it could've been worse, Sean.
You know, at least it didn't blow up.

Is there any raspberry jelly?

What did you do to your hands?

Nothing. I just taped them up
to look like the baby's gonna look.

Untape them, please. Right now.

I just wanted to see
what it would be like to eat and stuff.

Put the glass down and take off that tape.

- Sean...
- Look, just give me your hands.

- Oh!
- Shit!

I'm sorry. I was just curious
what it would be like for him.

You don't imitate
another person's disabilities.

It's like you're making fun of them.

Look, just get ready for school
and I'll drive you, okay?

You overreacted, Sean.

Now, we only told her about the baby
a week ago.

If she has questions, she can ask us.
We'll get her a book.

A book's not gonna tell her how to feel.

Tell her I'll be in the car.

Double latte, Sean?

- Boo.
- Sorry.

Which do you think is ruder?
You staring at my face,

or me telling you
to move your ass out of the way

because you're staring at my face and
blocking customers?

Non-fat vanilla mocha for Elaine?

Excuse me.

Look, I apologize.

It's just, I'm a plastic surgeon and
you have Treacher Collins.

I do? Oh, my God!

I haven't seen a case since medical school.

There have been
a lot of technical advances since then.

If you're interested, come in for a consult.

I think I could help you.

Did you know you were gay
when you got married?

I'm not sure I'm gay now.

Arthur bought me a Porsche,
and he moved me into his guest house.

Buys me clothes,
takes me to all these fancy parties.

It's worth the occasional blowjob,
you know?

The cheek implants are made of bone
grafted from the back of your skull.

It sounds worse than it is.

Fix the droop here by adding
fatty deposits for greater support,

and reposition the angle of your jaw,

which should have a positive effect
on your breathing, eating, speaking.

How about French kissing?

Why didn't you have any of this done
when you were younger?

My dad was a janitor.
The health coverage sucked.

When I was born, I had so many
medical problems he got kicked off it.

I guess it was just something
I learned to live with, you know?

So you're gay for pay?

Trust me, killer,
there's plenty of sugar mamas out there

who'd love a good-looking guy like you
without demanding surgical alterations.

Straight's a hell of a lot easier,
if you have a choice.

You bi, too?

No. I'm not bi.

I just hate to see somebody
being trapped into something they're not

because of financial hardship.

You're gonna do all this for nothing?

- Why?
- It all comes out in the wash.

We have an opening this week,
if you're interested.

It's funny, you know?

What you can get used to.

Looking like I do,
it's forced me to accept being different.

It must have been a hard way to grow up.

I just always assumed it was too late,
you know?

And when I got the job making coffee,

I thought, at least I'm not hiding out
in a basement where no one can see me.

You don't need to be making lattes
for the rest of your life.

You don't need to do this shit to
satisfy some rich old queen.

You should hang with me sometime,
let me reintroduce you to the other side,

to who you really are.

You wanna hang with me?

- Sure.
- Cool.

- When?
- How's tomorrow sound?

Come on. Get going. Get going.

All right, come on, let's go!
All right, hands going. Keep it going!

Come on! Keep it going over there!
Work, work, work!

There you go! Come on, keep it going!
Keep it going! Keep it going!

Come on! Almost! Almost!
All right, you're done!

Thanks a lot, you guys.

Kimber.

Matt! Hi, how are you?

- Oh, gosh. Sorry, I'm all sweaty.
- Oh, that's all right.

- Look at you. You've grown.
- Oh, yeah. I've been working out.

Yeah, nice.

- Wow. You look wonderful.
- Really? Thank you.

Yeah. What...
Have you changed your hair or what?

No, the hair's the same.
I'm just, I'm just feeling clearer, I guess.

But it's good to know it shows, though.
Thanks.

- So, what up?
- Nothing. Wait a minute.

So, what have you been doing?
Like Tai Chi? Yoga? What?

Not really.

Well...

You really wanna know?

All I can say is that the tech works.

I was a total victim of my reactive mind,
but now I have this awareness...

- So is this like therapy?
- No way!

How many people do you know
actually got better from seeing a shrink?

Those people don't listen,

they interpret
based on their own hang-ups

and then lay their bullshit
onto their patients.

- Stay away from them, Matt.
- Too late.

Sorry.

- Well, is it working for you?
- I don't feel as bad as I did.

But then again,
I don't feel much of anything.

- I've been taking these anti-depressants.
- Matt, that's awful.

I know.

- Sometimes it's better to be numb than...
- What?

Wait. Why would you say that?

This is your life we're talking about here.
You wanna be awake for it, don't you?

Matt, come on. Things happened to me,
things that I would rather not remember.

But the more I avoided dealing with them
the more I became a prisoner of my past.

- So did you find God or something?
- I found my integrity.

And my self-worth.

And so can you.

Well, maybe this isn't such a great idea.

It's been a while
since I've been with a woman.

It's just like riding a bike, my friend.

All you gotta do
is get yourself the right hot bitch.

- And there she is right now.
- Hey, doc!

Wanna dance?

Actually, Mitchell here
was interested in meeting you.

Sure. Hi, Mitchell.

Can you excuse us a second? Come here.

Listen, sweetheart,
the kid's a little confused.

He hasn't been with a woman in a while,

and I want you to remind him
of what he's been missing.

No problem, I'm big with the bi guys.

- I'm very maternal.
- I bet you are.

But, this is gonna take
a little more than a lap dance.

- I'm not a whore, you know.
- Of course you're not. How much?

Forget it.

I'll do your tits for free.

All you gotta do
is spend the night with him

and make him feel like your
body is the happiest place on Earth.

Oh, my God! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you, you're awesome!

- Watch the suit, huh?
- Sorry.

You must really want this guy
to be straight.

He is straight. He just doesn't know it yet.

Go get him, tiger.

- Hi, cutie. Follow me.
- Hi.

Does that feel good, baby?

Yeah. Sure.

Your thighs are so strong.

Squish.

You're starting to feel it, too, huh, baby?

Yeah, yeah. I'm getting a woody.

You sure are, baby.

Okay, now I'm gonna close my eyes
and pretend that you're deep inside me.

You do it, too, okay?

Yeah, okay.

I'm inside you.

Are you feeling it, baby?

Oh, yeah. Oh, mama...

- You ready?
- Anything to improve my love life.

My on-line girlfriend's
giving me carpal tunnel.

Count backwards from 10 for me.

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six...

15-blade.

Ruler.

Shit.
The mandibular plane angle's too steep.

He's expecting Viggo Mortensen's chin.

And he'll get it. 15-blade.

And then don't you, like, grab from the end
and you go through?

Yeah.

Perfect.

Mommy, do you know where that
really soft yarn is

that I bought with you last weekend?

I wanna show Zoey.

Yeah, I think I put it in your closet.
I'll go and get it.

You'll love this stuff. It's really soft.

What is this?

- We were just playing.
- At your brother's expense?

Zoey, can you please go home now?
You can come back another time.

Bye.

- Do you think this is funny?
- No.

Are you making fun
of what your brother's gonna have?

You know, and that's how
you're amusing your friends?

No. I was just...

Do you have any idea how difficult
this is gonna be for us, huh?

And for him?

Throw them all out.

And all the ones in your closet.
Just get them out!

This just measures
your emotional responses.

When the needle floats, it just means
that you got rid of a bunch of old crap,

bad feelings, experiences in your life
that has just gotten in your way.

So, are you willing to share with me
some of your difficulties?

- Okay, fine. Go ahead.
- Fantastic.

So tell me about the decisions
you've made in your life. Right or wrong.

Well, gee, let's see.
There was getting involved with Ariel.

- That was a real good decision.
- Thank you for that.

Any other decisions?
Good, bad, right or wrong.

I don't care.
Just tell me what comes to your mind.

Okay.

When her Aryan Nation
suckwad of a father held a gun to my head

and gave me the choice of cutting off
this guy's dick or my own,

I decided that...

I decided on his.

Cherry's.

She was a pre-op transsexual
and my friend.

Okay.

- Any other decisions?
- I don't wanna do this.

The tech works, Matt.
You just gotta trust it.

Fine, you wanna hear
about my best decision ever?

I do.

Cherry had a gun
pointed directly at that bastard.

She was hesitant, unsure what to do.

I should've grabbed it from her,
but instead she shot him in the stomach.

And, I left him there to rot.

Getting Cherry to the hospital was more
important than the life of that shit-stain.

You can write him care of the Florida
state prison system if you like.

This is really, really good, Matt.

- Keep going. Any other decisions?
- Don't you get it?

I've never made a decision in my life.

I mean, I let my dick choose some
pretty girl and I nearly got it cut off.

You know? And the whole thing
with Cherry and the shooting...

I mean, that was out of my hands.
I never had a choice.

- Can you repeat what you just said to me?
- What? That I never had a choice?

I never had a choice.

How did I never see that?

Well, thank you, Matt.

Now, tell me I am no longer auditing you.

- What?
- I'm no longer auditing you.

Look.

The needle's floating, and you are clear.

I wanna get off my anti-depressants.

I think that's what we all want, Matt.
Eventually.

I mean now.

- And I wanna stop going to the shrink, too.
- Hold on.

You asked us all to get together for a
discussion, not a press statement.

I don't think
you're ready to stop treatment.

No, I don't wanna stop treatment.
I just want a different kind of treatment.

We could find another psychiatrist.

Look.

I didn't come here to ask your permission.

I'm not a kid anymore.

And what I put into my body
or into my mind has to be my decision.

Okay, now,
I'm committed to getting better

and, you know, I've found something
that I know can help me.

What?

It's a new religion.

But I'm gonna need some money to join,

and I was hoping
that I could use the money

that you're throwing away on all the drugs
and the shrink for this instead.

What new religion?

Scientology.

You're out of your fricking mind.

It's not a group you wanna get involved
with, Matt. It's not gonna help you.

- How do you know?
- I've read about it.

Yeah, from people
who don't have any first-hand experience.

You're not getting a dime.

In fact, all this does is prove to me
that you're not taking enough drugs.

No, no! I've experienced it, man. It works.

Look, this is the real deal, okay?

I mean, I saw how it helped her.

I know the hell she went through
and it saved her life.

Saved whose life?

Kimber's.

And it can save mine, too.

Coming! Coming. Keep your pants on!

Jesus. Who is it?

Remember me?

Go away, Christian.

Open the door, Kimber.
I need to talk to you.

Go away! I'm not gonna let you in.

You scared, baby?

Come on, I'd never hurt that
perfectly reconstructed body of yours.

It's my best work.

Please, Christian. I can't see you anymore.

- You're not good for me.
- But my son is, huh?

Is that why you went after him?
Or was it to get to me?

I didn't go after Matt. We met at the gym.

He's miserable and lost.

And you decided what?
That you'd rescue him?

Maybe put him in one of your movies?

Sweet pad you got here.

What did you do? Move into snuff films?

I don't do that sort of work anymore.

I found something much more compatible
with my core values.

Kiddie porn? Oh, yeah.

Matt's almost 18.

You must be talking about that brain suck
you convinced him to join.

It's a religion, Christian.

I needed something spiritual...

That's bullshit and you know it!
What we had was spiritual, Kimber!

I made you see God every time you came.

You made me see garbage, Christian.

I was nothing to you.

I was a fixer-upper
that you could throw a coat of paint on.

You are such a freaking hypocrite.

You're the one who seduced me
when you realized I was a plastic surgeon

who could get you everything you wanted.

You were never anything more than
an ambitious piece of ass.

You need to go. You need to go right now.

How much more pain
do you need to cause me

before you think I've had enough?

Look, whatever I did,
whatever we did to each other...

I loved you.

You loved your creation.

You never loved me
because you never saw who I really was.

I was just something
made up in your head.

Well, I see you now, Kimber.

And you know what?
You're dangerous because you're weak.

You can't survive without someone
or something to suck off.

A new lover, a new religion.

But if you start feeding on my son,

I swear, there's not one place on Earth
that will keep you safe from me.

You can bill me for the door.

I don't recall Mrs. Beazer
having such enormous tits.

Yeah, I rescheduled her.

You don't just bump a patient
without telling me first, Christian.

I wouldn't bump Mrs. Beazer
if it meant world peace.

I just put Blu Mondae in her slot.

- Blue Monday?
- Yeah.

No "e" at the end of Blu, but one
at the end of Monday instead of a "y".

You brought a hooker in here?
I want her off that table.

Sean, we've got a problem
in the scrub room.

You're telling me
you're doing this slut for free?

We said no more
boob jobs for blowjobs, Christian.

- I thought we agreed.
- Oh, come on! Take a look.

It's obvious that Blu Mondae
needs to lighten her load.

- It's called pro bono.
- Blue Monday?

With an "e" instead of a "y".
Don't give me that look.

What's the difference between me
giving her a breast reduction

and whatever you're doing
with Mr. Coffee?

Who the hell is Mr. Coffee?

The guy with the deformed face
Sean operated on yesterday.

What do you get for that in return, huh?
Lattes?

- That's totally different!
- That's enough, both of you.

You work for me now, okay?

I own your practice and your name.

Speaking of names,
where's your husband, huh?

Isn't he the Landau in Landau Industries?

My husband has empowered me

to make all business decisions
during his recuperation,

which means I can replace you both

with other highly-skilled surgeons
whose clientele can actually pay.

Alex has Treacher Collins.
It's not the same.

They both have physical problems
that need treating.

What makes his face more deserving
than her tits?

You're right, Christian.
You're just a goddamn Mother Teresa.

Thanks for backing me up there, partner.

Matt, would you ask Mom
to pass the ketchup, please?

Oh, Annie, for God's sake.
Now, I said I was sorry.

- What more do you want me to do?
- Yeah. Come on, squirt, give her a break.

All right, that's it. Just leave the table!

Fine!
You're the reason the baby's deformed!

Don't let her get you down, okay?

- It's just early-onset adolescence.
- Yeah.

Well, whatever it is,
I don't think I can take it right now.

No, hey. You sit. Let me clear.

Thanks, sweetie.

I should never have gone back to work
last year.

You were right to go after your dreams.

Annie has to learn
to work through her issues.

You know,
you take away your children's problems

and you weaken their ability
to overcome them.

You know, I think that therapist
is really helping.

- Maybe I should book an appointment.
- I stopped seeing him.

- What?
- I found something better.

It's kind of a spiritual skill set
for handling life.

I don't understand.

There's a life force inside all of us

that reveals itself
as we become more conscious.

It's called theta.

If you're waiting for me to apologize,
forget it.

The girl needed a breast reduction
and she couldn't pay for it.

Look, just because
I spend all my time around hookers

and you spend all your time around coffee,
doesn't mean...

You're right. I should've backed you up.

I'm sorry. I'm just under a lot of stress.

I get it.

So, what are we gonna do about Matt?

I don't know.

I'm open to suggestions.

I say we cut him off financially.

And make sure Julia's in on it,

that way the little shit
can't play us off against each other.

I'll talk to her.

No, let's talk to her together.

She can argue with one of us, but,
united, she doesn't stand a chance.

- Mitchell?
- Yeah, I'm sorry. I just...

Arthur found out about me going to the
strip club. About Blu and me.

And he freaked. He went all crazy.
He kicked me out.

He took the clothes, the car, everything.

Jesus.

Come in.

Why don't you go down
to the Ocean View on Washington?

I'll call them,
let them know that you're coming.

You can stay there for a week or two.

My treat.

- I appreciate that.
- Of course.

And here. Just to... Just to tide you over.

500 bucks?

That's really generous.

It's kind of late. You should probably...

Can I use your bathroom before I go?

Sure.

Oh, shit.

- You got a really nice place here.
- Yeah...

- What the hell are you doing?
- I like to work for my money.

How about I give you
the best blowjob you've ever had?

And, then, maybe I could stay here.

I told you, asshole, I'm not gay.

Get your clothes
and get the hell out of here.

Gay, straight, bi.
Who gives a shit about labels, right?

A blowjob's a blowjob.

Get out!

Get out,
before I break your goddamn skull!

Get out!

You can see how steep
the occlusal plane angle is here.

That's the surface
where the upper and lower teeth meet.

In the least severe cases,

surgical repositioning
of the upper and lower jaws

is usually enough to normalize the angle.

But not with me, right?

'Cause I'm Mr. Lucky.

There's a procedure

where we'd connect an expansion rod
on the outside of your face

and turn it periodically
to lengthen your jaw.

You'd need three or four years of
orthodontics, but...

No. I'm not interested.

I'm used to this level of ugly.

I don't need to add wires to my face
to scare more people away.

It would be temporary.
Once the jaw's lengthened...

No, I don't wanna go through the pain.

I knew this was a mistake.

Maybe if my parents
would have done something

when I was young it could've worked.

But they didn't. It's just me now.

Nice place you're working at.

Classy.

- I was just going to...
- Well, I thought I'd surprise you.

It's more fun like this.

I'm not even gonna count it.
That's how much I trust you.

You look good.

Lovelier than ever.

Sooner than later.

How could you give him money?

Do you have any idea
who these people are?

They're people who are helping him.

Like who? Like Kimber?

You should've discussed this
with me, Julia.

Why? You already turned him down.

We both agreed
a psychiatrist was the way to go...

When you see your happy child turn into
a morose, clinically depressed young man,

you do whatever it takes
to make him happy again

before he decides
that he can't take it anymore.

She's got a point.
You don't know how depressed he's been.

Why don't you just give him a lobotomy
and admit you're throwing in the towel?

He has been high maintenance and
with a special needs baby...

- That's not fair!
- No, but it's true.

Matt's my kid,
and he has special needs, too.

And I'm not giving up on him
just because his parents are!

Oh, God.

I mean,
he would have found the money anyway.

He was that determined.

Do you think I did the wrong thing?

I don't know. But I don't think it matters.

Matt's fully cooked.

It's too late
to change the ingredients now.

You do what you can, when you can.

When there's still enough time
to make a difference.

Yeah.

Julia,

I wanna do an operation on the baby.

We can close the cleft,
reconstruct the thumb,

improve his hand functioning,
his motor skills.

It may take multiple surgeries,
I can't know that yet,

but I wanna do it soon,

while he's still too young to understand,

before he knows enough
to be afraid of the pain.

Okay. Yeah.

Do it, Sean.

I mean, if life is this hard for a kid
like Matt with 10 fingers and 10 toes,

can you imagine
how tough it's gonna be for Conor?

So, we've decided?

On the name, I mean?

Yeah. Conor McNamara.

It's a good strong name, isn't it?

- Yes.
- Like his father's.

I mean, the name Blu Mondae

just didn't feel like me anymore
since I got my tits done.

Want me to touch myself?

Sure, whatever.

I'm gonna get out of here,
once I decide what I wanna do, you know?

Course the tips are good.

Lots of guys like a flat-chested girl.
I'm really busy. But not for you.

Anytime you want a dance,
just ask for Ashley.

Ashley Wednesday, that's my new name.

It's a lot classier, don't you think?

ENGLISH