Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 1, Episode 2 - Mandi/Randi - full transcript

Dr. Pendleton: dr. Mcnamara,

You wanted to see me?

Sean: dr. Pendleton,

Please put on your mask.

Dr. Pendleton: oh. Sorry.

I haven't been

In too many surgeries.

Sean: that's exactly the reason

I thought you might like

To observe today.

It's vital you fully understand



The risks and rewards of all our

Procedures if you're going

To counsel our patients.

Dr. Pendleton: are we doing

A breast augmentation today?

Sean: actually,

We're correcting one.

Soundtrack: * you make me feel

So young *

Dr. Pendleton: jesus, she looks

Like murray feltman.

Sean: this patient received

"C" implants a month ago.

Before the gels could set



Properly, her abusive boyfriend

Pushed her against a wall

So hard that the implant

Ruptured through the capsular

Wall.

We're repairing the damage

And the capsular wall pro bono.

Liz, how deep's the patient?

Marie: it's marie...

and she's ready when you are.

Sean: uh...sorry.

Liz was our previous

Anesthesiologist.

We begin by cutting

Into the nipple.

Soundtrack: * are just like

A couple of tots,

Running across... *

Sean: oh, shit.

Soundtrack: * ...a meadow,

Picking up lots of... *

Christian: good hire, sean.

Sean: what's wrong?

Christian: other than

The new mandate

That all patients have to be

Psychologically screened

And approved by both of us?

I have a consult in my office.

Step in when you're finished.

Soundtrack: * fling to be flung,

Even when i'm... *

Sean: ms. Dante, tell me what

You don't like about yourself.

Ms. Dante: well, it's not that

I don't like myself.

It's just that i don't want

To look like her anymore.

Second ms. Dante: yeah, and i

Don't want to look like her,

Either.

See, we've made this agreement.

First ms. Dante: i want to

Change my face.

Second ms. Dante: and i want

To change my body.

We were thinking it would

Be so great if one of us

Could wear a miniskirt

And not feel self-Conscious

About our chicken legs.

So i'd like bigger calves,

And i'd also like to go

Up to a "c" cup.

First ms. Dante: oh, and i was

Thinking that maybe i could have

Her ears, see, 'cause they

Don't stick out like ours do.

See?

Second ms. Dante: see?

First ms. Dante: and i like

Her nose.

That is jennifer garner.

Second ms. Dante: she kicks ass.

First ms. Dante: she so

Kicks ass.

I tore that picture out of

Teen vogue magazine so you guys

Could copy it.

Sean: uh, ms. Dante...

Ms. Dante...

i'd like you to come back

Later in the week and meet

Dr. Pendleton,

Our on-Site psychologist.

Christian: interestingly enough,

Sean, mandi and randi have

Already given me the contact

Information of their own

Psychologist.

Mandi: yeah, and she's

Completely cool with the fact

That we're sick and tired

Of going through our lives being

Mistaken for each other.

Even our own father

Can't even tell us apart.

Christian: mandi and randi are

Going to the university of miami

In the fall, and they believe

That now is the perfect time

For them to establish their own

Singular identities.

Sean: not to play devil's

Advocate, but have you tried

Less drastic measures?

For instance, maybe styling

Your hair differently.

Mandi: didn't work.

I mean, people still confuse

Me with randi.

We even went as far

As to get tattoos.

Randi: and they were

Pretty much worthless.

Christian: why

Were they worthless?

Randi: well...

we realized that people could

Only use them to tell us apart

If we're naked.

Christian: god, it's good

To be back.

* ahh *

* make me beautiful *

* make me

A perfect soul,

A perfect mind,

A perfect face,

A perfect

Life *

Sean: heads up.

Matt: w-What's this?

Sean: it's a prophylactic, matt.

Matt: well, yeah,

I know what it is, dad.

Why'd you give it to me?

Sean: you're worried about your

Girl's reaction to your foreskin

In the first time, right?

Well, you responsibly slip this

On when that time comes...

she won't even know.

Once you get your sea legs,

You can be confident enough

To initiate a conversation

About what foreskin is and how

It really won't affect

Her pleasure.

Annie: how's it look now?

Sean: hey, that looks great.

Just want to write

Somethin' on the top...

good morning.

Julia: morning.

What you guys drawing

Over there?

Annie: it's so we can find

Frisky.

Sean: don't worry, honey.

He'll show up.

Jules, that smell is terrible.

We gotta get a plumber out here

To fix the toilet.

Julia: it's the entire

Septic system.

It's completely backed up.

Sean: well, can you get someone

Out here this week?

Julia: sure, sean.

Can you pick up

The dry cleaning today?

Sean: sure.

[Sighs]

Are you gettin' the jump

On easter, jules?

Julia: i'm starting a new

Business with suzanne.

Sean: crazy suzanne?

Julia: creative suzanne.

Sean: huh.

Matt: um...

uh, what kind of business?

Julia: they're gift baskets

For women, and, uh, they're

Very popular right now.

There's a real market for them.

Sean: well, jules,

I think that's great.

You can work out of the home

And be with the kids,

And i think that's great.

Julia: i can go back to school

And be with the kids, too, sean.

My priorities aren't changing

That greatly.

Sean, softly: christ.

Matt: god. Look,

This is ridiculous.

Why don't you guys just go

To marriage counseling?

Julia: because marital

Counseling never works.

It's just a way for people

To figure out how to break up.

Matt: yeah, well, you're helping

No one by doin'

What you're doin'.

You guys need to stop dealing

In stupid half-Measures and

Either shit or get off the pot.

Annie: he said the brown word.

Matt: oh, uh...yeah, i did.

I'm sorry, honey.

Sorry.

Woman: so...i haven't seen you

Here in a while, christian.

You look like an albino.

[Christian chuckles]

Christian: i had

A work-Related injury.

But now i'm back on my game and

Resuming my regular activities.

Woman: can i, um...interest you

In our mystique tan today?

Christian: just a regular bed

For me, sweetheart.

I'm a traditionalist.

Woman: mmm.

How about some, um...

tanning accelerator lotion,

Then?

Christian: well, janelle...

it all depends.

Does it come

With an application?

Soundtrack: * in this haze,

I see you... *

[Excited, passionate breathing]

Christian: don't worry.

I'll turn you over when the

Timer goes off.

[Both laugh]

Janelle: too early

In the morning for you, baby?

Christian: help me out a little.

[Janelle sighs]

[Christian sighs]

Christian: ohhh...

[christian growls with pleasure]

Woman echoing: christian,

Can you help me out here?

I'm getting lockjaw.

[Janelle giggles]

Christian: uhh!

[Janelle laughs]

[Christian breathes sharply]

Sean: dr. Santiago, how long

Have you been treating

The dante sisters?

Dr. Santiago: 3 years,

At the miami free clinic.

I'm the director there.

You know, i think that physical

Change is a last resort,

But in their case,

It's a necessary one.

Sean: how so?

Dr. Santiago: well, last year,

They both lost their virginity

To the same person--

A 40-Year-Old fetishist

They met in a twins chat room

Who promised to love them

Both equally, and he did.

And afterwards they felt

Like shit about it, and that's

When they decided that they

Wanted to be different and not

Interchangeable.

Half-Measures have ceased

To work.

Sean: so you don't believe

In half-Measures.

Dr. Santiago: i believe

In committing fully to change.

It's the commitment that brings

Constructive results.

I think that if mandi and

Randi can look in the mirror

And see singular reflection,

Only then are they going to be

Able to view themselves

As whole and not halves.

Sean: hmm.

Dr. Santiago: oh,

I'm still debating.

Go ahead.

Sean: uh...

i'll have the sea bass

And a pelligrino.

Dr. Santiago: and i'll have

A hamburger, fries,

And a margarita.

Waiter: you got it.

Sean: you know what?

I'll have what she's having.

Waiter: sure.

Sean: i don't have any surgeries

This afternoon.

One margarita will be fine.

You?

Dr. Santiago: oh.

I need to drink.

I have an a.D.D. Patient

Right after this who spends

Half the session lining up

The kleenex box just so

And the remaining 20 minutes

Recounting how he obsessively

Thinks about me

While he's masturbating.

Sean: you must get that a lot.

Attention deficit disorder

Patients.

Vanessa: matt.

Matt: mmm? Hmm?

Vanessa: i want to try it.

Matt: oh. Ok.

Vanessa: where are you going?

Matt: oh. Uh...i was gonna

Get a condom.

Vanessa: i want to see it first.

Matt: ok.

Yeah, sure.

Vanessa: it looks like

A shar-Pei.

Are you part arab or something?

Matt: uh...

no.

Does it--

Does it turn you off

That i'm not...

circumcised?

Vanessa: no. Not at all.

Maybe we should

Just make out today.

Sean: this isn't

Your father's coffeepot.

It actually grinds the beans

In the machine.

It's amazing what you can afford

When you nix a marble steam room

And put that money towards

Something more practical.

Liz: that cost more than my car.

What a perk it would've been

To hang out in here and have

A double macchiato

In between tit jobs.

Sean: a macchiato, you say?

Liz: sean, why did you

Ask me here today?

Sean: to make you an offer.

If you come back,

I'll double your salary.

Liz: oh. That sounds

Like hush money, sean.

Sean: you're an invaluable part

Of the team, liz.

You're the best anesthesiologist

I've ever worked with.

And as an additional bonus,

I'll throw in somethin'

You've always wanted--

Complete health benefits

For your partner jean.

Liz: jan.

Sean: i can't work

This goddamn thing.

Liz: i'll do it.

Mmm.

Jan and i broke up.

Sean: i'm sorry.

Liz: i'm not.

For 15 years, i put up

With her pot smoking

And her cynicism...

and finally, 2 weeks ago,

I just said, "honey, i love you,

But i am not in love with you."

Sean: what got in you?

Liz: someone pushed a gun

Into my temple.

You might remember that moment.

Sean, you were there.

Sean: i've never really...

apologized for putting you

In that situation, liz.

Liz: no, you didn't.

Sean: i'm sorry.

Liz: it's all right, sean.

Actually...it was the best thing

That ever happened to me.

A shift...

has happened...in me.

I can feel it.

I broke up with jan because

I want to be in love deeply.

I sold my condo.

I'm moving to the beach, 'cause

That's always what i've wanted,

And i figured, "what

Are you waiting for?"

What happened that night

Got me thinking.

What if i can't put off stuff

Until tomorrow because

I don't get another tomorrow?

Sean: i felt similarly.

What happened really...

changed my outlook.

Liz: yeah.

Well...

there's a big difference

Between changing your outlook

And changing your life, sean.

[Coffee machine hums]

Julia: where are you gonna stay?

Sean: a hotel for tonight,

And then i don't know.

Julia: this is so typical

Of you, sean.

You don't even show me

The respect you show a patient.

I mean, at least with a patient,

You tell them what the diagnosis

Is before you operate.

Sean: let's just cut the shit,

Julia, starting right now.

You want out of this marriage.

If you didn't,

You'd fight for us.

But instead, all you do

Is fight with me.

Julia: fighting denotes

Communication, sean,

Which you don't do!

Sean: we've talked in circles!

I'm dizzy from it.

I have no perspective anymore.

Julia: you're

A goddamn hypocrite.

Sean: and i am miserable

With you!

And you are miserable with me,

And the big difference is--

And let's just say it--You're

Content in your misery, julia.

I'd rather separate and try and

Figure out a way to make us

Connect again.

We have to change this,

Or we die on the vine.

And if you're too paralyzed

To take any action, i will.

Julia: what about the kids?

Sean: i'm not abdicating

My role as a father.

Of course i'll see them.

Julia: for one hour a week,

Like you do now?

Don't i get a say

In any of this?

Sean: you do get a say.

Say you're still in love

With me, and i'll stay.

Sean: have you ever done twins?

Christian, fake accent:

Mother and daughter once, but

Never twins.

Sean: i left last night.

I left my family.

I swore i wouldn't turn into

My asshole of a father, and god

Help me...

christian: how'd julia take it?

Sean: she's hurt...

angry, afraid.

Christian: you gonna get

A divorce, or is this just

Another separation?

Sean: i just want to feel

Something again.

Christian: hey. Celebrate,

You dumb mick.

You're a single doctor now.

Translation--Ass galore.

Sean: i can't just turn

Into you, christian.

I'm not...that guy.

Christian: now's your chance.

Christian: welcome back.

Liz: at double the salary,

How could a lady refuse?

Soundtrack: * make your desires

Reality *

Sean: i'll do facial,

You do bodywork?

Soundtrack: * make your desires

Reality *

Christian: 10 blade.

Sean: scalpel.

Soundtrack: * make your desires

Reality *

* make your desires reality *

Julia: is it fixed?

Plumber: no.

It's a wicked, big clog.

I had to run out

And get a bigger snake.

Suzanne: don't be embarrassed,

Julia.

Joe used to clog up the toilet,

Too, and leave it for me to fix.

You know, it's not until they

Leave that you realize

How much you settled.

[Julia sighs]

[Sniffles]

Julia: i'm sorry, suzanne.

Um, the--Why are we putting

These eye masks in our baskets?

Suzanne: you get a hot flash.

You plop it out of the fridge

And onto your eyes.

Menopausal women will love them.

Plumber: mrs. Mcnamara.

Julia: yeah?

Plumber: i fixed your clog.

And...i found this.

Suzanne: what's she gonna do

With a turd, bronze it?

Jesus!

Plumber: it's a gerbil.

My daughter has one.

Suzanne: annie lost her gerbil,

Right?

I saw the sign outside.

Ohhh.

Julia: poor frisky.

It--It must've...climbed up

And fallen in.

Suzanne: ohhh.

Plumber: no, that's impossible.

Gerbils can't climb porcelain.

There's no traction

For their claws.

Somebody threw this in.

You know, i saw a boy's bike

Outside the house.

You have a teenage son.

Isn't that right, mrs. Mcnamara?

I don't want to freak you out

About this, but...

they say ted bundy

Started out this way...

torturing small animals.

Suzanne: oh, my god.

Matt.

Julia: my son didn't do it.

I did.

Suzanne: you accidentally

Ran it over when you were

Vacuuming or something. Right?

And--And you didn't

Want annie to know.

See? That explains it.

Julia: it wasn't an accident.

Plumber: there'll be no charge.

I don't want your money.

What kind of mother are you?

[Rap music playing]

Matt: why won't you give me

The circumcision?

He doesn't even have to know.

Christian: carving up your dick

Is a little more telltale

Than buying you a 6-Pack

On the sly, matty.

Matt: uh, hi.

I'll have a, uh...

dewar's straight up.

[Christian chuckles]

Christian: he'll have a coke.

I'll have the dewar's,

Sweetheart.

Thank you.

Besides...

i'm of the opinion that your

Father's right about this one.

You don't need a circumcision.

Matt: fine. If you guys won't

Help me, i'll go

To another surgeon.

Christian: who will operate

Without a signed

Parental consent form.

Good luck.

The problem isn't your dick,

Matty.

It's your confidence.

You were timid and embarrassed.

She saw that, and that's

What turned her off.

Matt: thanks.

Um...why are we here?

Christian: because "we"...

are gonna work

On the confidence part.

[Matt laughs]

Christian, chuckling: yeah.

Matt: you're kidding me. Right?

Christian: au contraire,

My little virginator.

I've arranged for you to just

Get it out of the way.

A little bang under your belt,

And i firmly believe you'll be

Able to bicycle over to

Vanessa's place, grab that

Peachy ass, and show her

How it's done...

with no fear.

Girls don't care if you have

A 2-Inch pecker, hairy ass,

Or balls like cranberries.

What they care about is that

You know what you're doing.

[Sighs]

So, which girl?

Christian: behind me

On the stairs.

Her name's avanti.

Rumor has it she can suck

The peel off an apple.

Matt: i feel entirely creepy

About paying someone

To pretend they like me.

[Christian laughs]

Matt: no. Hey. Besides, man,

I'm not gonna cheat on vanessa.

I love her.

Haven't you ever had that?

Christian: once.

Avanti: hey, papi.

Matt: uh, hey.

Avanti: hey.

Matt: ahem...

[christian laughs]

Matt: uh...yeah.

Uh, thank you.

Um...but, uh...

no.

No, thank you.

Christian: fair enough.

[Sighs]

Mmm. Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go upstairs and pay

Someone to pretend to like me.

Soundtrack: * nothin'

Like sex *

[Continuing, indistinct]

* round and round *

[Continuing, indistinct]

* round in a circle

Like a star *

[Continues, indistinct]

Avanti: what's wrong, baby?

You like boys?

[Christian sighs]

Julia: i think you like boys.

[Christian sighs]

Avanti: i think you like boys.

[Laughs]

Come on, baby, why can't you

Get caliente?

Christian: because you've got

A carved face, and in my

Estimation, that's the worst

Tit job i've ever seen.

Here's my business card.

You want to look like a woman

Instead of a carnival freak,

Call me.

Sean: mr. Brancato,

I've invited

Our psychologist dr. Pendleton

To sit in on our consultation.

Mr. Brancato, tell me what

You don't like about yourself.

Brancato: it's my dick.

I hate my dick.

Sean: you feel it's...

inadequate?

Dr. Pendleton: well...

would you like to show us?

[Music starts]

[Music stops]

Sean: it looked like one of

Those summer blood sausages

You get in the hickory farms

Christmas gift sampler baskets.

[Christian laughs]

Christian: how many enlargement

Surgeries has this guy

Been through?

Sean: 5. He wants us to harvest

Fat from his glutes and

Inject it into his shaft.

If he can't go longer,

He'll go wider.

Dr. Pendleton: dr. Mcnamara,

I take issue with your

Condescending tone.

Mr. Brancato's not

To be pitied.

Sean: are you saying you're for

Giving him the operation?

Because that wouldn't be

My recommendation.

Christian: why, sean?

Because you find it

Personally disturbing?

Correct me if i'm wrong, but

Didn't you hire dr. Pendleton

To make recommendations based

On psychological profiling?

That's what he's doing.

Dr. Pendleton,

As you were saying...

Dr. Pendleton: well, with every

Operation, as his penis becomes

Larger, mr. Brancato takes

A personal risk.

If he needs a self-Esteem boost

To actually make a positive

Change in his life,

I say we give it to him.

Mmm.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go for a jog and let

My miso dressing set

For an hour.

Christian: dr. Pendleton.

I'd like to join you,

If you don't mind.

Dr. Pendleton: oh.

That would be nice.

Thank you.

Christian: i'll catch up.

Sean: if you have issue

With something i do or say,

Take it up with me privately,

Not in front of our staff.

Christian: absolutely.

And likewise, i'd appreciate it

If you could, uh, send me a memo

Notifying me of staff salary

Increases.

If calling mr. Brancato and

Scheduling surgery is, uh,

Too distasteful for you,

I'm happy to do it.

Sean: you agreed we needed to

Rethink our ethical philosophy

Here.

I'm doing that.

Christian: you know, i'm fine

With hiring a shrink and doing

Pro bono as long as we take

On other cases to finance

Your sainthood.

I'm playing your game, sean.

Once in a while, throw me

The goddamn ball.

Dr. Pendleton: really?

So...you're tellin' me

You couldn't even get it up

For some hot geisha gash

Like that?

Christian: my urologist says

It's psychological.

Dr. Pendleton: i'm--I'm sorry,

Christian.

I feel like we're crossin'

The professional line here.

You're my employer.

Christian: that's right.

I pay your salary.

So give me my money's worth.

Christian: i think i know

Why this is happening.

I just, uh...

i just don't know how to fix it.

Recently, a married woman

Threw herself at my jock.

I passed, but...

since then i find myself

Thinking about her

Whenever i'm with someone else.

She's mentally stalking me.

The problem is further

Complicated because she's

The wife of one of my friends.

[Dr. Pendleton clicks tongue,

Speaks latin]

Christian: sorry.

I was never an altar boy.

Dr. Pendleton: it's latin for

"That which nourishes me

Destroys me."

You have 2 choices.

You can destroy your friendship

And nourish your sexual

Appetite by banging the horny

Housewife, or you can nourish

Your friendship and destroy

The sexual fantasy

By rejecting her.

And once you choose,

Once you're...firm...

that feeling will be

Reciprocated in your dockers.

That'll be 150 bucks, and i'm

Not available the entire month

Of august.

[Dr. Pendleton chuckles]

[Christian sighs]

Julia: 3 sugars. Right?

Christian: i don't drink coffee.

Julia: 3 sugars

In your iced tea.

Now i remember.

I'll get some.

Uh...does sean know

You're, uh, stopping by?

Christian: no.

Should we call him and tell him?

Thanks.

[Julia sighs]

Christian: look, uh...

about the other day...

my exam was unprofessional,

And...i apologize.

Julia: oh, don't.

You...saved me from a--

An excruciating operation.

I'm the one who should be sorry

For not calling you

When you were sick.

The bell's palsy thing?

Christian: right.

Uh...a few weeks of antivirals

Later, i'm back on my game.

Julia, chuckling: and a legion

Of thong-Wearing cocktail

Waitresses rejoice.

[Chuckle turns to tears]

Sorry.

Christian: hey, it's ok.

[Julia sniffles]

Christian: you were married

Almost 16 years.

Julia: no, i'm not crying

About him.

They kicked me out.

Christian: who?

Julia: the mothers

In my kindergarten carpool.

Suzanne told them what had

Happened, and then they said

They felt nervous about trusting

Their kids' safety

To a murderer.

Christian: back up.

Who got killed?

Julia: frisky.

Christian: frisky the gerbil?

Julia: yes!

And...i don't know.

It just kept shitting,

And i felt...overwhelmed,

And i...flushed him.

I'm a terrible person.

Christian: you're not

A terrible person.

I just think you make bad,

If understandable choices

Sometimes.

You have a history of that.

Come on.

Drink my tea and sit with me.

Christian: what happened to the

Girl i knew who was the most

Confident thing i ever saw...

who was, and is, by the way,

Going back to medical school?

Who used to sing at the top of

Her lungs to fleetwood mac even

Though she was tone-Deaf?

[Julia chuckles]

Who made me forget there was

Ever another girl in the room.

Julia: i miss us...

the way we used to be.

Christian: then let's fix that.

Tomorrow.

7:00.

My place. We'll, um...

we'll grill steaks and get

Shit-Faced on merlot.

Julia: ok.

Christian: you're still in

There.

I see you even if you don't.

Shit.

I gotta go check on a couple of

Patients. Ahem.

Julia: well...

[christian chuckles]

Julia: are you...

christian: hard?

Yeah.

We'll pick this up tomorrow

Night.

[Music playing]

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Matt: hello!

Sean: hey, matt. Uh...

i was wondering if you were free

For lunch tomorrow?

I'll pick you up at school.

We can go to joe stonecrab's.

You like that place, right?

Matt: uh, tomorrow's no good for

Me, dad.

Sean: ok. How 'bout friday?

I need to talk to you about

What's happening to our family,

Matt.

Matt: look, we don't need to

Play catch-Up.

I get it.

You and mom can't stand each

Other anymore.

You bailed.

We'll, uh--We'll talk later, ok?

I gotta, uh--I gotta study.

[Girl murmuring, sobbing]

Mandi: he didn't notice me.

Christian: who didn't notice

You?

Mandi: the male nurse!

When he came in, he didn't even

Look at me!

She's prettier than me now!

She's prettier!

[Sobbing]

Christian: i think you

Misunderstood, sweetheart.

Mandi: i'm mandi!

Don't call me sweetheart 'cause

You can't remember my name!

[Sobbing]

Randi: shh! Mandi. Shh.

We just--We just wanna go back

To the way we were.

And...we wanna be treated the

Same.

Please help us?

Please?

Sean: this is matt.

He's 16, going on 40.

And this is annie.

She's 7.

[Dr. Santiago laughs]

Is your son the mailman's?

Sean: yeah, we laugh about that.

My wife, who--Who i'm separated

From, is black-Irish on her

Father's side.

My daughter looks like her, too.

Dr. Santiago: actually, she

Looks a lot like you.

She's beautiful.

You know, this really wasn't

Necessary.

This place is expensive.

Sean: you helped me a lot with

The dante twins.

It's the least i could do.

Actually...

i hope to do it again.

Dr. Santiago: i'd--I'd like

That.

Dr. Santiago: what are you

Doing?

Sean: was i--

Did i read something wrong here?

I thought--I thought there was

An attraction thing going on.

Dr. Santiago: interesting,

Because i thought we were being

Professionals.

Did you think that i kept

Meeting with you because i

Wanted to get laid?

I thought you respected me.

Sean: i do.

Dr. Santiago: no.

Apparently, you don't.

You know, i actually thought

That these second opinions could

Lead to better work.

Most people, they get paid for

Their consultations.

Sean: please don't. Just--

Dr. Santiago: if my share is

More than that, bill me.

Christian: so...when are you

Gonna start dating again?

Sean: dating?

I'm not dating.

Who's dating?

Corpse isn't even cold.

Christian: believe me, sean,

I understand.

Change is hard.

Sometimes you just need a strong

Jolt to move forward.

Sean: by jolt you mean shock?

Christian: yes.

Like finding out that julia is

Dating again.

Maybe that would make it easier

For you to get back on the

Horse.

Would you like to know if she

Was dating again?

Sean: is she?

Christian: how would i know?

I haven't talked to her.

I'm just...musing,

Theoretically.

Sean: no, i don't want to know

If she's dating.

I can honestly say that would

Kill me.

Dr. Pendleton: dr. Mcnamara,

Congratulations!

Sean: for what?

Dr. Pendleton: for operating on

Joe brancato and admitting

Your mistake.

Taking ownership of personal

Error is the first step toward

Healthy growth and change.

Good job, buddy.

Sean: dr. Pendleton.

You're fired.

Matt: so, you look spiffy.

[Julia laughs]

Where you off to tonight?

Julia: i have a business dinner

With suzanne.

I should be back by 10:00.

Dinner's in the fridge.

Heat it up for 5 minutes at 350.

And, matt, don't show annie

The exorcist again.

Matt: she needs to know that

Evil exists.

Ok. Ok.

Julia: look...

i know your dad and i separating

Really sucks for you.

I'm sorry we didn't do this

Better.

Matt: oh, hey, mom.

Um...do you have any cuticle

Scissors?

Julia: why do you need those?

Matt: why do you think?

I have a hangnail.

Julia: upstairs bathroom.

Third drawer on the right.

Sean: i've been waiting out here

For an hour.

Why'd you tell the guard not to

Let me in?

Dr. Santiago: funny. I've had

Stalkers before, but they were

Patients, not fellow doctors.

Sean: look, that guy last

Night, that wasn't me.

I haven't had a date since

Reagan was in office.

I'm bad at it.

Dr. Santiago: what do you want?

Sean: to tell you how sorry

I am.

It won't happen again.

Dr. Santiago: i don't want your

Apologies.

Sean: then how 'bout a job?

[Soft music playing]

Julia: christian?

* and then again,

You can be cold as ice,

I'm over my head,

Oh, oh, oh,

But it sure feels nice *

Randi: hi.

Mandi: hi.

* i'll be around

If you think you might

Love me, baby... *

Christian: i thought we said

7:30.

Julia: 7:00.

We said 7:00.

Did you think it was easy for me

To come here?

Christian: what did you think

You were coming over here for?

I'm sorry you had to catch me

In the middle of a doublemint

Moment back there.

But let's not fool ourselves.

That's who i am,

Always will be.

You want a regular friday night

Date and a father for your kids?

Stay with sean.

Julia: when did you become so

Cruel?

Julia: what are you doing?

Sean: i'm moving back in.

Might not be able to change me,

But i can change me in this

Marriage.

I realize i'm not a single guy

Who wants a new life.

I'm a married man who wants to

Fix this family.

That's what i'm gonna do.

Julia: i don't want a fix.

I want you out.

I want you to take your

Pettiness and your control

Issues and your sad, lonely

Midlife crisis and get out of

My house!

And notice i said my house,

Sean...because i'm not selling

It and splitting the difference

When we get a divorce.

This is not california, buddy.

I put you through medical

School, and this is all i have

To show for it.

Sean: you want a divorce?

Julia: yeah!

You should be happy, sean.

You'll be legally free to screw

Every hot 20-Year-Old that

Waltzes through your office.

How it must kill you that

Christian gets the pick of the

Litter.

Sean: hey, hey, hey, calm down.

Julia: let go of me!

Sean: i don't wanna screw

Around.

Julia: yeah? Well, maybe i do.

You always were a lousy lay,

Sean.

Sean: oh, yeah?

Julia: yeah.

Sean: you're either a liar or a

Very good actress.

I know your body.

I always have.

I know right where you live and

Breathe.

Julia: then why haven't i had an

Orgasm in 2 years?

Sean: because i didn't wanna

Work that hard.

[Both breathing hard]

Julia: ohh!

Sean: right there.

That's where you like it, isn't

It?

Joey: hey, how's it going?

You've logged on to joey's

Self-Circumcision web page, a

Guide for guys like me who have

A foreskin problem and are too

Embarrassed to have their doctor

Do the duty.

First things first, guys.

Relax.

A shaking hand means you could

Slip.

I took a mild muscle relaxant,

But other guys i know have fared

Well on a glass of red wine.

Be smooth and confident.

Your surgical tools have to be

Sharpened to razor sharpness.

When you do this, the cuts are

Virtually painless and bleed

Very little.

I didn't use ice or anything.

There was no need.

For the first cut, grip the

Foreskin and pull it out.

Cut in a circular motion,

Removing a thin quarter-Inch

Strip.