Night Court (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Blood Moon Binga - full transcript

-Next up, The People
vs. Pam Allen.

-Your Honor, the defense moves
to have this case dismissed

due to my client's
debilitating medical condition.

-If I may ask, what
condition is that?

-Defendant claims
she's a werewolf.

-Actually, Your Honor,
she would be a wiffwolf,

since "were" is Old
English for "man."

-Patriarchy strikes again.

-Okay, none of this excuses
the fact that Ms. Allen

bit the ankle of an
innocent deliveryman,

then chased his truck and
humped a child's Teddy bear.



-Your Honor, try to put
yourself in my client's... paws.

She was very much on edge.

There were fireworks,
and someone nearby

was running a vacuum cleaner.

-My neighbors are monsters.

-If the defendant is,
indeed, a wiffwolf,

her actions are beyond
the court's jurisdiction.

Therefore, we will allow her
the opportunity to... turn?

Transform?

- We will accept transform.
- Great.

Can we get an infield huddle?

-What the hell is going on here?

We're only three cases in,

and we've already had
a feminist werewolf,



someone trying to
break the time barrier,

and what appears to be
a classic body swap.

-It's a Blood Moon, Your Honor.

It's when the city's
craziest cases come in.

-We used to actually bet on all
the insanity back in the day.

One year I won the trifecta.

I had invisible man,
a doll come to life,

and an alien trying to get
back to his home planet.

-We play Blood Moon Bingo.

The cards would be
here already, but...

the
copier is broken!

What?
Trying to set the mood.

-Let's call the next case.

-Uh, I can't seem to find
the paperwork, Your Honor.

-This is a scary
one, Your Honor,

even for a Blood Moon.

-Alright, what is it, a
zombie, a swamp monster?

-Worse! It's a mom!

-Ahhh!

- Oh, my gosh!
- Oh, my gosh!

-Oh, good, now
there's two of them.

-I know I wasn't
supposed to come down

for another couple of months,
but I just couldn't wait.

What if I got hit by
a bus before then?

It's very possible.

Our town is up to two buses.

-Guys, this is my mom, Gina.

-Oh, you must be Olivia.

You look just like the lady

they put in the picture
frames at Marshall's.

And then you buy it and think,
"Maybe I'll just keep it in."

- Do you really mean that?
- Yeah.

-Not... Not used to
sincere parenting.

Oh, God, I'm crying.

- And you must be...
- I am, and let me just say

you have excellent
taste in daughters.

- I'm sorry?
- Don't be.

So...
- There's my partner in crime.

Oh, thank you so much for
helping me plan this, Gurgs.

-Oh!

That hug has some
torque behind it.

-I went to an authentic New
York shop in Times Square

and got you all
personalized key chains.

They had a "Gurgs."

But sorry, they
didn't have a "Neil."

So, I just got you
one that says "Guy."

-This says Olivia.
That's my name.

This is a gift.

It's a gift for Olivia.

-And for you, my dear, I
brought you a potted plant

because the air-quality index
in Manhattan is just a skull.

-She doesn't trust a
city that never sleeps.

-And why does it never sleep?

Drugs.

-Ah, and here's the
famous Dan Fielding.

-Well, hi. Nice to
finally meet you.

- Gina.
- Ah, Gina.

You look familiar.

Have we ever...
- We've never met.

I've heard a lot
about you from Harry.

-Ah.

-Um, I need to use
the ladies room.

-Oh, down the hall
and to the left.

And I know you like
to have a good time,

but do not call any of the
phone numbers written in there.

-I'm headed that way.

May I show you?
- Oh, what a gentleman.

I love a bathroom escort.

-Oh, that's what
those numbers are!

Really, don't call them!

-Oh, you're from
Baton Rouge, huh?

I hear there's a lot
of jazz down there.

Listen up, Fielding.
We need to talk.

-Oh, my God.
That's who you are!

I thought I recognized you.

You married Harry?
- Zip it!

My daughter doesn't
know we know each other,

and I want to keep it that way.

-Wait, so she doesn't know
how you and Harry actually...

-Shh!

I'm not getting
into this with you.

I just came here to
check on my daughter

and make sure you
keep your trap shut.

-Hey, listen, I know
better than to get mixed up

in whatever this is.

The only family drama I
care about is "Succession."

I'm rooting for the old man.

I want everybody else to die

and him just keep getting
richer and richer.

- So we have an understanding?
- Yes, I understand that

for some reason you want to
keep secrets from your daughter.

Which is none of my business.

-Now, are you going to show me
where the bathroom is or not?

-Follow me.

What the hell am I
doing? Go that way.

Go that way.

-I'm telling you.

There's something going
on between Dan and Gina.

I have a seventh sense
about these things.

-Isn't it a sixth sense?

-No, my sixth sense
is I see dead people,

like that boy.

- From the movie?
- No, the one next to you.

-There she is!
No, you can move.

It's a video.
- Oh, okay.

Well, welcome to Night Court.

-Never mind. I stopped it.

-Must be nice having
your mom here.

-Oh, it's great.

But also it's very bad.

When she pops in like this,
it means she's worried.

I love my mom, but we are
very different people,

and she was always against
me taking this job.

With her, everything has to
be neat and tidy and perfect,

and this place is...

-Merry Blood Moon, everyone!

The bingo cards are here.

-Like that.

-Well, actually, for legal
reasons, it's "binga."

"Blood Moon Bingo" is a
John Cusack Redbox movie.

-Ooh, right off the bat, I
got drunk Statue of Liberty.

-Here you go, Blaine. I know
you're used to winning...

Oscar pools, trivia
nights, blood drives.

But that ends tonight because
I have been practicing.

-This is a game of chance.
How are you practicing?

-If you're asking that question,
I'm already in your head.

-Honey, remember to engage your
core when banging the gavel.

She hurt her elbow
playing softball.

Now she has a corpse ligament.

-You don't really have
to worry, you know.

Corpse ligament or not,
she's very capable.

Is that why you're
hiding things from her?

You don't think
she can handle it?

-Excuse me. I'm trying to talk
to my friend, this Beetlejuice.

-I call the court to order.
What's the next case?

-We have The People vs.
Marsha Roberts, Your Honor.

-The defendant was arrested
for barricading patrons

into a Home Depot and blasting
Jimmy Buffett's "Margaritaville"

through the PA
system for six hours.

-Your Honor, my client was
merely following instructions

personally given
to her by... Satan.

-When you say Satan, you mean...

-The main one.

-Satan is my father.

-Isn't that wonderful?

Parent and child sharing an
open line of communication.

There are no secrets
in this family.

We should all be so lucky.

-Real quick.

When Satan speaks to you, is
it in your head or from a dog?

-He speaks through my air fryer.

-Possessed
appliances... I got it.

-Order!

As a judge who has
everything under control,

I find Ms. Roberts guilty
of false imprisonment

and call a recess.

-Oh, oh, are you calling recess
because a dog told you to?

-No!

-Satan is a big
fan of your work.

-We go way back.

-Well, you all certainly do
interesting work around here.

-Tonight is a little
crazier than usual,

but I got it handled.

You'll see. Things
will settle down.

-Has anyone seen my gun?

-Don't worry. He
always finds it.

So, how did you meet Abby's dad?

-Oh, no one wants to
hear that boring story.

-Personally, I would just
love to hear what you've been

telling Abby all these years.

-It's a fairy tale.

My dad was upstate for
the Mel Tormé concert

and decided to go to
the Harvest Festival.

He and my mom ended up in
the same Ferris-wheel cart,

and by the end of the
ride, they fell in love.

Later that night,
he proposed, saying,

"You're only one 'yes' away
from the rest of your life."

-Almost sounds too
good to be true.

-Well, that's exactly
how it happened.

And we had a wonderful life

until my daughter
decided the Big Apple

was more important
than her little mom.

-Mom, I'm not going
over this again.

-I'm just saying.

I miss you. Rand misses you.

All the people that
love you are upstate.

-You and your mom talk about
how you love each other?

It's not just a word that was
once written in a birthday card

you keep with you at all times?

Did someone hear a phone
ring? I got to take this.

-You just seem overwhelmed.

-You've only seen one case!
I'm doing good work here, Mom.

-Honey, I'm not trying to fight.

You know what?
It's getting late.

I should just head
back to the hotel.

-Oh, no, no, don't leave.

You should not leave.
You should stay.

You never know what the
Blood Moon might reveal.

-I figured it out, Timo.

Those two have history.

Classic PTSD... Post
Tremendous Sex Disorder.

Oh, don't look at me like that.

I was right about you and Carol.

-Quick question.

Would you be willing to
set yourself on fire?

Wait, are you stalking
Abby's mom on Facebook?

-No!

I'm just doing
some light research

so I can have a successful
conversation with her.

-Oh, Neil.

Being a person might
not be for you.

-Being great with
moms is my thing.

At sleepovers, I didn't care
who Jonah had a crush on.

I wanted to hang
with Mrs. Rayzok

and hear how Mr. Rayzok's
anger management was going.

Not well.

-If you want to
get the good dirt,

just use your clerk powers.

Access the state database.

-I guess it couldn't hurt to
know some previous addresses.

Wait. This can't be right.

-Abby's mom was convicted
of running a gambling ring?

-Dan prosecuted her, and
the judge was Harry Stone.

I bet
that's Abby's dad!

-You're good.

All moms have secrets, right?

Mine was that she
never wanted me,

although I guess it wasn't
really much of a secret

because it's how she'd kick
off parent-teacher conferences.

We're not going to
tell Abby this, right?

-No, of course not.

I know when to not
tell people things.

-I won't say anything, either.

Sorry, couldn't
help but overhear.

Wolf ears.

-Oops, you spilled.

You seem to be in a
spilling mood tonight.

-I needed that to take a pill.

-I thought you weren't
going to get involved.

-I had to say something.

Abby deserves to know the truth.

Oh, and what was
that story you told,

two adult strangers taking
a Ferris wheel together?

Ooh-ooh, made you sound
like a couple of creeps.

-Creeps?!

I stole that from the back
of a Danielle Steel novel.

-I think you're
underestimating your daughter.

She is stronger than you think.

-So am I.

-You!

-Everything alright?

Seem a little
nervous around Gina.

-I don't get nervous.

Besides, I hardly
know the woman.

-Oh, stop.

I know all about you two
and your secret past,

and unlike the drug-sniffing
dog downstairs,

you can't get anything past me.

-I don't have anything to hide.

If it was up to me, Abby
would know all of it,

but her mother is against
it for some reason.

-Oh, well, I think
I know the reason.

Abby don't want to know
that about her mama.

You should keep it to yourself.
- You know something?

I wouldn't be in this
position if Harry and Gina

had just told her the
truth to begin with.

- Her dad knew?
- Well, of course.

He was there the whole time.

You know, it was just a
regular Tuesday night for us.

-Ugh! Y'all are gross.

-Hey, Earth angel.

Where's the sock hop?

-I've been approaching
this all wrong.

Gina is a criminal. She's
probably into bad boys.

So, I'm being bad.

-Should I just sit
where I was before?

-I wouldn't know.
Rules aren't my thing.

Next up, The People vs.
Todd and Missy McMurray.

-The McMurrays are charged
with disturbing the peace

outside a bodega
on St. Marks Place.

-Your Honor, my clients
were just involved

in a lovers' squabble,
nothing serious.

Some words were exchanged.
Some produce was thrown.

-Nothing serious? It
was attempted murder.

She threw garlic at me.

-And it's attempted
murder because?

-They're vampires.

-Vampire drama.

One square away from winning the
money to pay for my dad's Lasik.

-Does everyone around here

have an amazing relationship
with their parents?

-Your Honor, she started this.

-Because I had the
nerve to ask you

where you were the other night?

-I was looking for a
virgin to surprise you

for our anniversary.

You think I wanted to
go to a Barenaked Ladies

reunion concert?

-You never tell me anything,

like when I have
food in my fangs.

I can't look in a mirror, Todd!

-Bunch of weirdos around here.

-I'm going to be honest.

I don't care about
garlic or virgins.

But I am very excited to hear
that the Barenaked Ladies

are back together.

At the end of the day,

you two found someone who
accepts you for who you are.

That's special and
worth fighting for.

And since this is your first
offense, the state is willing

to drop the charges if you
agree to couples counseling.

Before you say no, remember,
you're only one "yes" away

from the rest of your life.

- I do still love you.
- I love you, too.

-Honey, that was beautiful.

It was like watching
your dad up there.

-I mean, you never actually
saw him as a judge.

-About that.

-Binga! Criminal hugs judge!

Criminal hugs judge!

I win! I win!

-Criminal?

-Hey, not me. Didn't
say a word, nope.

-Don't look at me.

I just thought she had the
best sex of her life with Dan.

-Why would you think that?

I made it perfectly clear

I was just trying to
get her in handcuffs.

Oh! Yeah, now I hear it.

-Mom, how could you... Mom?

-Alright.

Now that that's out
in the open, Neil,

what the hell are you wearing?

-Gina Brown operated an
illegal high-stakes poker game

in Hell's Kitchen
for over a year.

Who is this person?

My mom doesn't even
watch the Super Bowl.

We're Puppy Bowl people.

Is this why no one ran
against her for PTA president?

Or why she knew so many
people on "Dateline"?

-Feels like questions you
should ask your mother.

-Why, so she can
just lie to me more?

-You know, I'm not going
to pretend to understand

why your parents
kept this from you.

But, then again, there's a lot
about Harry I didn't understand,

like he would keep rabbits
up his sleeve for hours

just in case there
was a chance of magic.

You give every defendant
who comes in here

a chance to tell their sad,
desperate side of the story.

Don't you think your
mother deserves the same?

I mean, do whatever you want.

I am not going to get involved.

-I wouldn't even know
where to find her.

-I told her to wait
in the courtroom.

Not involved, starting now.

-Honey, can I explain?

-First.

Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth?

-I do, Your Honor.

-Gina Stone for the
defense. You may proceed.

-Okay, first,

I just want to say your
father wanted you to know.

But he respected that
it was my story to tell.

-Right. So, tell it.

-It started with a little
poker game at the Jiffy Lube

where my boyfriend worked.

We were riding high on
cash and exhaust fumes.

But things got out of
control, and I ended up here.

Your dad could've
thrown the book at me.

But he saw me the way
I wanted to see myself.

-He had a habit of doing that.

-After I served my time,
I... I reached out.

Turns out I was
on his mind, too.

He wasn't sure about the whole
judge-dating-the-ex-con thing.

But I said,

"You're only one 'yes' away
from the rest of your life."

-That was you?

-We wanted a fresh start,

so we got married
and moved upstate.

- So, no Ferris wheel?
- Mnh-mnh.

-Because I bought you, like,
a thousand Ferris-wheel

Christmas ornaments.

-Sorry, I should've told you.

But I was ashamed.

-I know what that's like.

When I was struggling,

I did things that I wouldn't
want to tell my kids about.

When I have kids... I
don't have any secret kids.

But if I did, this would
be the time to tell you.

No, I thought I was the
only screw-up in the family.

It's nice to know
that my perfect mom

is as messed up as I am.

-Oh! I'm a huge mess.

There is one other thing.

Abby isn't short for Abigail.

Your real name is
Abracadabra Stone.

I'm sorry. That
one's on your father.

-You know what?

I think I've always felt
like an Abracadabra.

Order in the court!

Judge Abracadabra
Stone presiding.

I love it.

-Hey!

Well, looks like
it all worked out.

You guys made up, and nobody's
mad at me for exposing

for a decades-long family
secret for my own profit.

-So, um, what you got
there? Couple hundred bucks?

-Uh...

-How would you like
to double that?

-See, this is why I
don't come down here.

-Sorry you didn't transform.

Until tonight, I
didn't even know

there was a glass ceiling
in the wolf world.

But I was rooting
for you to break it.

-Thanks for seeing me, Gurgs.

I'll do my best not
to eat you tonight.

-What's the matter, Neil?

Did you hit the jukebox,
and it didn't come on?

-I blew it with Gina.

My streak is over.

-Well, why you care
so much about Gina?

You got
a crush on Gina!

-What? No.

You
got a crush on me!

-If I had a crush on you,

I'd be trying to
impress yourmom.

-You got a crush on Abby!

-Oh, no.

I do.

-You are so screwed.

But that means my
seventh sense was right.

There was a love connection
in the courtroom.

-Gurgs, you cannot tell her.

-Well, I can keep a secret,
but I can't speak for Pam.

Oh, you're good. She got
her own stuff going on.