Neverwhere (1996–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Blackfriars - full transcript

You can call me Mr. Croup...

and you can call my brother...

...associate,

Mr. Vandemar.

You may have had nightmares about us.

We are currently executing
a commission in London Below,

that city of the lost and forgotten

that exists as it were, contemporaneously
with the other London

of the same name.

There is a girl, called Door
and she's on her way to see an angel.

And there is the Marquis de Carabas



and he came to see us.

Always a mistake.

You are, I understand Mr. Croup, a collector
of T'ang dynasty figurines.

How did you know that?

People tell me things.

I'm approachable.

Even if I were...

If you were, you might be interested
in this.

What's to stop us taking it...

and leaving little bits of you all over the Underside?

We've never dismembered a marquis before!

Have.

In York.

In the XIV century.



In the rain.

He wasn't a marquis.

He was the earl of Exeter.

And marquis of Westmorland.

What's to stop us hacking you
into as many pieces as we
hacked the marquis of Westmorland?

Oh, please!

No more silly threats.

I think I'd feel better if you're both sitting down.

Name your price.

This wine

it's the last bottle of its kind.

I was given a dozen bottles
by one of your ancestors.

This was a...
30, 40 thousands years ago.

I suppose that you could accuse me
of squandering something that I should treasure.

But I receive guests so rarely.

And the way here is hard.

The Angelus...

You travelled here using the Angelus, yes.

But that way only works once for each traveller.

Drink it carefully

It is most potent

When one tastes it, I like to imagine
that one is actually tasting
the sunlight of bygone days.

A toast:

to former glories.

Former glories.

It's magical.

I've never tasted anything like it.

You never will again.

There is no more wine from Atlantis.

You really claim to be an angel?

I mean, you've actually
met God and ever...

I claim nothing, Richard,

But I am an angel.

You honour us.

No.

You do me much honour by coming here.

Your father was a friend to me, Door.

I was deeply saddened by his death.

My father told me to come talk to you.

He said I can trust you.

Lady,

I hear many things here in my chambers

They say you are travelling with the marquis de Carabas.

Yes.

Why?

The marquis has a certain reputation. But if you trust him.

I do trust him.

Your prerogative.

I'll trade it. For the answer to a question

and an hour's head start.

Who are you working for?

Simple.

Our principal.

who wishes to remain nameless.

Very helpful.

So, why didn't you kill Door
when you had a chance?

Got to keep her alive.
She's the only one
who can open the door.

That's right! Tell him everything!

Wanted a go.

And who is your principal?

Uh-uh, now we're getting greedy.

I hope I can be worthy of your father's trust.

Mr. Islington...

Sir, my family were killed
by Croup and Vandemar.

But - who ordered it?

I - I want to know why.

I know what pain is.

And lost.

I sympathise.

London Below is the second city that I've cared for.

The first sank beneath the waves,
and there was nothing that I could do to prevent it.

I wish there were some way that I could help you.

It will not be simple.

You and your companions
will face certain difficulties.

But there is a way to learn.

A key to solve all problems.

Even yours Richards.

You must bring me that key.

And you can use it to find out who killed my family?

I hope so.

An hour's head start, remember.

Of course.

Oh, fine, fine.

T'ang dynasty indeed. Twelve hundred years old.

The finest pottery figurines
ever made on this earth.

This was created by Kai Lung,

finest of potters.

There is not a twin to it in existence.

Just examine the colour of the glaze;

the sense of proportion;

the life...

It adds a little beauty and wonder to the world.

This will keep you safe
through the last part
of your journey back to me,

The rest is up to you.

What do you want us to do?

The Black Friars are custodians of the key.

Bring it to me.

Bring it to me.

Bring it to me.

I don't know what you drank,
but it must've been potent.

No wonder Atlantis sank,

If they all felt like this in the morning

it was probably a relief.

Were are we?

In the stables of a friend.

Temple and Arch!

Am I dead?

No.

That's Serpentine's crest.

Serpentine, of the Seven Sisters!
We have to run!

And do you think
you could enter Serpentine's house
without Serpentine knowing, child?

Do not worry.

Hunter worked for me long ago.

Her friends are my friends, child.

You've kept your looks better than I, Hunter.

How long did we say we'd give him?

An hour.

You follow him, Mr. Vandemar.

I need a little more time in which to...

...savour the occasion.

Is it an hour yet?

You find us funny,
Messire Marquis,
do you not?

A source of amusement.
Is that not so?

With our pretty clothes,
and our convoluted circumlocutions...

I haven't got a circumlo...

...and our little sillinesses of manner and behaviour.

And perhaps we are funny.

But you must never imagine,
that just because something is funny,
Messire Marquis, it is not also dangerous.

Circumlocution,

a way of speaking around something.

A digression.

Verbosity.

I wondered.

Your hero is unable to hold his wine, I see.

He's not my hero.

I'm afraid he is.

You learn to recognise the type.

There's a... something in the eyes, perhaps.

Bring a restorative for the gentleman.

When I last saw your father,

I told him that if he ever came back here,

I'd turn him into a blindworm.

All that foolishness about uniting the Underside.

How is your father?

Dead.

See?

You're Beast-hunting then?

You want the spear, of course.

What are you giving him?

Nothing that will hurt him.

You are guests.

He's in trouble.

The marquis.

He's in bad trouble.

Has he come round yet?

No, Mr. Croup.

I think I broke him.

You must be more careful
with your toys, Mister Vandermar.

There.

I had my fill of hospitality.

Hunter, my dear, you are always welcomed here.

Child, young man, good day.

Well,

that was Serpentine.

She seemed nice enough.

When they want to make children
behave themselves in the Underside,

they tell them,

"Behave, or Serpentine will get you."

What is it Hunter?

What is it what?

What is it you want?

I fought in the sewers beneath New York

with the great blind white alligator-king.

He was 30 feet long,

fat with sewage,

and fierce in battle.

And I bested him

and I killed him.

His eyes were like huge pearls in the darkness.

I fought the bear that stalked the city beneath Berlin.

He had killed a thousand men,

and his claws were stained brown and black

with the dried blood of a hundred years.

But he fell to me.

He whispered words in a human tongue as he died.

And I shall slay the Beast of London.

They say his hide bristles
with swords and spears
and knives stuck in him

by those who have tried and failed.

His tusks are razors,

ans his hooves are thunderbolts.

I will kill him...
or I will die in the attempt.

Up a little.

Left a little.

There.

Lovely

???

What is this?

Pea-soupers.

London Particular.

Hasn't been one on the Uperworld for 40 years now.

That doesn't sound good.

Fog in my throat.

Not again.

There are little bubbles of old time in London,
where thing and places stay the same,
like bubbles in amber.

There's a lot of time in London,
and it has to go somewhere,

It doesn't all get used up at once.

I may still be hung over

that almost made sense.

This is disgusting.

Hold fast!

State your intentions.

We're here for a key.

Enough.

You may come forward.

I turn my head, and you may go where you want.

I turn it again, you will stay till you rot.

I have no face, but I live or die

by my crooked teeth - who am I?

I turn my head...

crooked teeth...

go where you....

A key!

You're a key.

A wise one.

That's two steps taken.

One more to take.

So, one of them is left to face
the Ordeal of the Key.

Oh, no...

Ordeal?

Someone's got an ordeal waiting for them.

Let him or her stand forward now.

Let me take his place.

I will face the ordeal.

We cannot permit that.

This ordeal of yours,

How much of an ordeal is it?

Is this the kind of ordeal like
going to visit another elderly elder
temple of your female relatives.

Or is this kind of ordeal more like...

... like plunging your hand into hot water ???

We're looking for a key.

Yes.

It's for an angel

Yes.

You can't say no to an angel!

especially a man of the cloth like yourself

look, why don't we just skip the ordeal?

You could just hand it over.

and I tell them that we ???

When our order was founded,
we were entrusted with the key.

It is one of the holiest,

and the most powerful of all sacred relics.

We must pass it on,
but only to the one who

who survives the ordeal.

And if I fail

can I come back later for a second go?

Not really, my son,

If that should happen, you will in all probability be...

well, be uncaring.

This is our wall of those who failed.

to ensure that they are none of them forgotten.

That is our burden also:

memorial.

The first part of the Ordeal of the Key,

is the nice cup of tea.

Do you take sugar?

No,

thank you.

Is it poisoned?

Good gracious, no.

But this is part of the ordeal.

Part of the ordeal for us.

Not for you.

Rather nice tea, all things considered.

Would you mind if....

...just got on with the ordeal, please?

Not at all,

Not at all.

Well,

lead on, MacDuff.

Best of luck.

It's 'lay on, Macduff' actually.
But I hadn't the heart to correct him.

He seemed such a nice young man.

Don't get too near to him, Melanie.

Why do people like that stay alive?

Not enough guts to end it all.

Pathetic.

Jesus.

How are you, Dick?

You all right?

Gary...

You know who I am?

You always were a kidder.

What's happening?

I'm not sure how to tell you this.

What's happening?

I'm not really here.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm you. Talking to yourself.

Gary...

Maybe

Gary...

this will help.

You're standing on Blackfriars Station at rush hour.

And you're talking to yourself.

And you know what they
say about people who talk talk themselves.

I don't know who you are

but you aren't very convincing.

you don't even look like me.

I am you, Richard.

I'm whatever's left on your mind.

Hi.

Concentrate.

Look at this place.

try to see the people

try to see the truth

Is this some kind of joke?

try to see the people.

Richard?

Jess!

I am afraid not.

I'm still you.

But you have to listen, darling

You're the closest to reality you've been...

You people keep talking 'bout
the closest to reality.

the closest to sanity,

Is this part of the ordeal?

Ordeal?

With the Black Friars who live under London.

There's a key I've got to get
for this angel called Islington.

Listen to youtself, Richard.

Can't you tell how ridiculous all this sounds?

You're not going through an ordeal, Richard.

You had some kind of nervous breakdown.

A week ago you cracked up.

I broke off our engagement.

you'd been acting so strangely,
-- I am not here --
it was like you were a different person.

I

I couldn't cope

the you vanished

I wandered, alone and crazy,
through the streets of London.

sleeping under bridges,

eating food from garbage cans.

Shivering,

lost,

and alone.

Muttering to myself

talking to people who
just weren't there...

I'm so sorry, Richard.

No!

No.

Hello.

What, you still want someone to tell you what to do?

Richard, I'm you.

The only advice I can give you is
what you're telling yourself.

Only, maybe you're too scared to listen.

You are not me.

Touch me.

See? I'm not here.

All there is, is you,
talking to yourself,
walking up and down the platform,

trying to get up the courage to...

Trying to get up the courage to do ...

... what?

London Transporr would like to apologize for the delay.

This is due to an incident at Blackfriars Station.

Richard, your life is a...

joyless,

loveless,

empty shaft.

You've got no friends.

I've got you.

I think you are a tosser.

I've got Door.

And Hunter

I've got Anestesia.

More imaginary friends?

We all used to laugh at you
round the office for those trolls.

You remember them? On your desk?

No!

Richard,

come on Richard.

Come on.

Yes.

Help me.

Come on.

Come on.

Richard.

Hold on.

Take the body, Brother Fuliginous.

But. But father...

What is it?

He's not dead.

One of those, eh?

Ah well, we will look after the
poor creature until it passes
on to its ultimate reward.

Lead it to the infirmary.

I'm not a poor creature.

I - I think I got through it.

Unless this is more of the ordeal.

No, my son,

I - I thing I will have that cup of tea now.
If you don't mind.

Of course,

This way.

Excuse me, sir.

Don't forget your key.

Oh, yes.

Thanks.

By my crooked teeth,

who am I?

Richard!

We've lost the key,

God help us all.

Mister Croup,

I want the girl called Door kept
safe on her journey back to me.

Nothing must hurt her.

Safe.

Right.

By the by, do you recall the Marquis de Carabas?

Of course.

I take that there is no such similar
prohibition on extirpating him?

Not any longer.

Just protect the girl.

What did he say, Mister Croup?

He said, Mister Vandemar,

that we should feel free to do
whatsoever we wished with the marquis.

Did that include killing him painfully?

Yes, Mister Vandemar.

I think, on reflection, that it did.

That's good, Mister Croup.

Wouldn't like another telling-off.

Better get rid of the body, then.