Neo Yokio (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - I'm Starting to Think Neo Yokio's Not the Greatest City in the World - full transcript

The 267th Neo Yokio Grand Prix
promises to be the best yet.

The eyes of the world are
on this glamorous city-state

as the best of the best gather

for one of sport's most elegant
and dangerous competitions.

The race is 20 miles
through the streets of Neo Yokio.

The course is challenging,

running through the narrow pathways
of Long Island Walled City,

the halls of The Guggenheim
and even dipping underwater

for the infamous
Sea Beneath 14th St. Tunnel.

The current world champ,
Mark Radicchio of Giappone, is the favorite.

He'll have his work
cut out for him against drivers like:



Dave 1 of French Canada

and Mila Malevich of the Soviet Union.

We wish the drivers the best of luck,

and we pray to the God of Death

to spare as many of them as possible.

I'm here to see Kaz Kaan.

I refuse to believe it.

I blew up the Bachelor Board.
Accept it.

No, it doesn't make any sense.

You're not a terrorist.

The Bachelor Board was a symbol of misery.

Don't you feel better now that it's gone?

I guess I do, but it's our culture.

A culture built on hatred, greed
and the subjugation of the working class.



You know she's right, Kazzy.

I liked things a lot better
when you stayed inside Charles.

No, too stuffy in there.

Kaz, listen to me.

I need to get out of the city
as soon as possible.

Will you help?

I really don't know if I should help
an enemy of the state.

Kaz, someone's at the door.

Can't you get it, Sadie?

No, I'm making brekky, you schmuck.

Oh, I can't stand her.

Coming.

Damn it.
Sadie, it's the Remembrancer.

Hide Helena.

Mr. Khan, I know you're in there.

Oh, hello, Mr. Remembrancer.

Sorry to drop in on you so early.

Is now a bad time?

Actually, it is.

- Is that an original Arco lamp?
- No, that's a...

It's a reproduction.

Well, either way,
it's quite a feat of design.

So, how can I help you?

Why don't you sit down, Mr. Kaan?

- That's quite all right.
- I insist.

You should feel comfortable.

You know, today is such a special day
for Neo Yokio,

and it makes me sick to my stomach
knowing there's a terrorist out there.

Don't you mean suspected terrorist?

Oh, no. I know Helena did it.

And she's gonna hang.

Now, Mr. Kaan, would you mind
if I took a gander in your bedroom?

Why would you wanna do that?

Mr. Kaan, the bedroom is the heart
of the apartment.

I'm a furniture buff.

I need to see it.

Oh, hello.

Who is this lovely woman?

She's not lovely.
She's actually quite crass.

That's right.
See you later, handsome.

Hello, gentlemen.

Don't know what it is
about a well-decorated apartment,

but it makes me wanna smoke.
Do you mind?

Uh... Yeah, sure.

Actually, the young master's neighbors
are quite sensitive to smoke.

- Best not to.
- Good thing I brought my vape.

Hell of a view, Mr. Kaan.

Is there a city more beautiful
than Neo Yokio?

Well, that's enough vaping for me.
I'll be seeing you around.

Nice talking to you, Mr. Kaan.
Do let me know if you hear from Helena.

- Everything all right?
- Uh... slight malfunction, I'm afraid.

I... I keep forgetting to update
his operating system.

Better get on that, Mr. Kaan.

Okay. We should stay in the apartment
until things calm down.

We'll be safe here.

Hello.

- Who else has a key to your apartment?
- Nobody.

Ugh. Just wait right here.

Who are you?
And how did you get into my apartment?

- We are the subletters.
- Subletters?

Yeah, from Frankfurt.

We sublet the apartment
for watch the Grand Prix.

But I didn't sublet my apartment.

Yeah, we paid €30,000.
See?

Aunt Agatha.

- Speak.
- You sublet my apartment?

I sublet the apartment
in which you currently reside. Yes.

- But why?
- It's Grand Prix weekend.

These Germans will pay through
the nose for a view of the track.

Ugh. Where am I supposed to stay?

Kaz, you're smart enough, boy.
You'll figure it out.

Put down my field hockey sticks!

Bad news, we can't stay here.

Charles, can you fly us to Connecticut?

Air traffic is restricted
until after the race.

There has to be
some way out of the city.

Our options are quite limited, ma'am.
On Grand Prix day,

there's only one train out,
and it leaves at 1:15.

Great, we can still make it.

But I can't go outside.
The cops are looking for me.

But they're not looking...
for Mila Malevich.

Okay. The coast is clear.

If we catch a cab, we can make it
to Grand Central in 15 minutes.

- Miss Malevich, there you are.
- I'm sorry. Who are you?

This is the Soviet ambassador.

He wants to personally escort her
to the press conference.

Press conference?

For the Grand Prix. It's about to start.
Let's go. Chop-chop.

Just keep a low profile

and we'll get out of here
as soon as possible.

Mila, it's good to see you.

God, I was shit-faced last night,

but I woke up at seven a.m.
and ran five miles.

Crazy, right?

The day is finally here,
the 267th Neo Yokio Grand Prix.

This race is a symbol of our passion,
our heritage and our resilience.

Journalists, start your questions.

The Neo Yokio Grand Prix
is already known

as one of the world's
most dangerous sporting events.

Given the recent violence in the city,

do you think the Lord Mayor's decision
to let the race go on is misguided?

We put our lives on the line
every time we race, okay?

To cancel the Grand Prix
would be pure pussy shit.

What about you, Mr. Radicchio?

Are you happy to defend your title
in such an unusual situation?

I'm a driver.

I drive.

I assume the authorities will deal
with the terrorists.

Miss Malevich, your thoughts?

Miss Malevich?

Mr. French Canada,
are there any scores you wish to settle?

I don't like Mrs. Malevich.
It's no secret.

She stole too many titles from me.

That's a serious accusation.
Your response, Miss Malevich?

See that? She even admits it.

This is crazy.

Ah! Miss Malevich has no words
for you puppets of the West.

Communism forever!

I just wanna say, screw all these chumps.

I don't know if I'll win today,

but I'll certainly be
the most beautiful driver out there.

Boarding has begun
for the 1:15 to Greenwich,

final train of the day.

Did you get the tickets, sir?

- Yup, last three.
- Mr. Kaan.

- Fancy seeing you here.
- Mr. Remembrancer.

You're not following me, are you?

Following you? Of course, not.

I'm just having lunch at the Oyster Bar.

Now, what are you doing here?

Oh, yeah.
We're having lunch here, too.

If you're just here to eat,
why do you have those train tickets?

- Good question. Charles?
- The young master bought them

for our trip to the Greenwich
polo store next week.

He likes to plan ahead.

Is there anything special
about that particular polo store?

- No, not really.
- Interesting.

Well, since we're all here,
shall we dine together?

We have a fantastic selection
of oysters today.

Final boarding call
for the 1:15 to Greenwich.

For the Kumamotos,
we recommend just a bit of lemon.

Oh, that's great, thank you very much.

Ahem. For the Wellfleets,
perhaps some mignonette.

- Mm-hm. Yeah, perfect.
- Ahem.

And, of course,
for the Long Island Blue Points,

our house-made horseradish.

Okay. That's amazing.
Sounds delicious. Bye-bye.

- Can I get you anything else?
- Just the check, please.

Certainly.

You know, Mr. Kaan, when I was down
at the Saint Tesoro townhouse,

I found something very interesting.

Is that so?

Yep.

Helena's diary.

You know,
she wrote about you quite frequently.

She says that although
you are a brainwashed tool of the regime,

she felt a deep rapport with you,

something akin to...

- Are you all right, Miss Malevich?
- Uh, she's fine. Just pre-race jitters.

The 1:15 to Greenwich is now departing.

Damn it.

Aunt Agatha, I can't talk right now.

What happened at the press conference?

Mila, I'll be right back.

Aunt Agatha, I promise you.

Everything's okay.
But I really don't have time to talk.

Come, come, Miss Malevich,
I insist that you try

at least one oyster
at our city's most famous oyster bar.

- Seriously, I need to go.
- Don't you dare hang up on me.

Come on.

I want to see you enjoy it.

Alright, Kaz. You have
one chance to tell the truth

or so help me God,
I will write you out of my will.

Ugh. Okay. The truth is Mila's...

so much fun!
I gotta go, bye!

Sorry, she's gotta go.
That was the Soviets on the phone.

Lovely dining with you.

I call this right here
the Crazy Caprese Pyramid.

Hey, what's up, Kaz?

Damn! You know you don't fit in here.
It's too small.

Yo, you gotta wait outside, man.
Come on.

I'm sorry,

but it's imperative
that we have ultimate privacy.

Yo, what's will all the secrecy, dude?

I'm sorry, guys.

I really didn't wanna rope you into this,
but we have nowhere else to turn.

What are you talking about, dawg?

What?

Helena Saint Terrorist is in our bar?

- This is dope.
- You're not mad I brought her here?

Hell, no, dawg.
This is a crazy VIP-terrorist scenario.

Gentlemen, I hate to interrupt,
but time is of the essence.

We have to formulate a new plan
to get Helena out of the city.

All right. Where are you trying to go?

At this point,
New Jersey is our best option.

Uh... So, why don't y'all take
the Lincoln Tunnel?

Unfortunately, the Lincoln Tunnel is
on the Grand Prix track.

Only a race car driver could get near it.

Race car driver?

Bong! Problem solved.

I grew up in the city.
I have no idea how to drive.

But Kaz does.

What does that have to do with anything?

Dawg,
you two have the same feminine frame.

If you dress up in that outfit,
you can pretend to be the Russian,

Helena can hide in the nose cone
of the car.

That's brilliant.

No, it's not. Don't they inspect the car
before the race?

They'll find you in there.

You are allowed one pit stop, sir.

We can hide her then.

I'm gonna die, right?

Nah, dawg, not necessarily.

You can do this, Kaz.

We'll make it out... together.

Lexy... one last Caprese Martini, please.

I brought you a big Toblerone
for the road.

Thanks. That's really thoughtful.

I know you still don't understand
why I did it.

But there's a darkness in Neo Yokio,
and it's not the demons.

Drivers, report to your cars for check-in.

We'll talk about it more
in New Jersey, right?

Yeah, Kaz.
We'll talk in New Jersey.

Charles, are you there?

Yes.
I'm on top of the Pan Am Building.

I can see the whole track.

- Pray for me.
- Of course, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

Don't drive too slowly, sir.
It'll make you more vulnerable.

Brace yourself, sir.
You're heading into the Walled City.

The Walled City?
But don't people live there?

Sir, Neo Yokio doesn't concern itself
with the safety of its slum denizens.

I'm starting to think Neo Yokio's
not the greatest city in the world.

Bougie pig, don't you know
we're dying down here?

I'm so sorry, everybody.

- Yo, B, you're killing it out there.
- Thanks, Lexy.

- How's the car look?
- I don't know. I'm not a mechanic.

Hey, Gottlieb,
hurry up with that precious cargo.

Yo, I'm trying.
She's heavier than she looks.

So, Helena's in there?

- That's right.
- And who makes that bag?

Louis Vuitton.

Very nice.

Sir, you're approaching The Guggenheim.

What do I need to know?

There's a ramp on the roof.

You need to hit it at 125 miles per hour.

Or else?

Or else you won't make the landing, sir.

Miss Malevich, prepare to die.

Helena's extra weight
is slowing the car down.

Sir, you need to go faster.

Hell, yeah, I did it.

Don't celebrate just yet, sir.

You're about to enter
the Sea Beneath 14th Street.

It's dark and tortuous.

You'll have to keep your wits about you.

I can't see.

Kaz? What are you doing here?

Long story,
but I can't have anyone hit my car.

Will you help me?

I'd do it for a homey.

- Are we homeys?
- Yes.

Say it. Say I'm your homey.

Fine. You're my homey.

That's what I thought.
See you on the other side, homey.

What? What are you doing racing?
You herb!

He's not a herb.

He's my homey.

Oh, no, no!

Mamma mia!

I love being in public when my hair's wet.

I feel like a Gucci model.

Charles, you know I could beat this prick.

I know, sir.

What?

Bingo!

We made it, Helena!

Noble effort, Mr. Kaan,
but your race is over.

Louis Vuitton.

Very nice.

I'm sorry, Helena. We were so close.

Remembrancer, this is Agatha Kaan.

Step away from my nephew.

Your nephew has aided and abetted
an enemy of the state.

Your magistocratic rights are meaningless.

It's okay. I accept my fate.

Hello there, handsome!

What? Impossible.

- Sadie?
- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no. This is cuckoo bananas.

Where is she?

Where is she, damn it?!

Damn it, where is she?

Where did you hide her?
Where is she?

Where is she?

Where is she?!

It's been three weeks,

and I still can't believe
she's really gone.

Helena Saint Tesoro has vanished
without a trace.

Life in the metropolis continues
as though nothing has happened.

I have a new mecha,
Charles the Second.

The West Side Gentlemen
have begun practicing

for the upcoming field hockey season.

The new Bachelor Board is up,

and Arcangelo is once again my nemesis.

Everything has fallen back into place.
And yet,

I can't help but feel that
Neo Yokio is about to explode.