Nehama (2019): Season 1, Episode 10 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript
What do you do for a living?
-I'm a discharged soldier.
For how long?
-Six months.
You're not a discharged soldier,
you're a parasite.
You live off your parents.
Leave home already!
You're my greatest fear.
still living at home,
30 years old,
"What's up, Dad? I just got up.
"What time is 7:00?
I couldn't wake up.
They fart on you
and each has a partner.
Ten people...
That's why everything
that makes you happy about kids
are signs that they'll leave home.
"Look, he's crawling!
"He started walking,
he'll leave home."
My kids left home.
Five kids.
It's a miracle.
For years you pray,
and lo and behold, it happens.
They moved to Grandma's.
Shir.
What joy, for them and for me.
They literally ran to the car.
Get in the car, okay?
Get in.
Johnny... Jonathan!
Jonathan!
No! Jonathan, what's with you?
I don't want to leave you, Dad.
I don't want this either,
but that's what the court decided.
We have to go. The court decided
we have to go to Grandma's.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I'll stop popping pills.
Sweetie, it's not you
that's not the reason, okay?
It's not your fau
Your shitty Uncle Oren screwed us.
You kids made mistakes, but it's
not your fault. Look at me, Jonathan.
For years I tried to get rid of them.
I'd drop them off in
the middle of nowhere and zoom off.
And their grandma is a real creep.
They don't fight over
who sits in which seat,
no seatbelts eith
it's like the '80s.
They sprawl all over the seats
no seatbelts.
Thank you, you were awesome.
It's been great, thank you.
Except the discharged soldier.
Shame on you,
living with your parents
at the age of 40.
Thank you.
Now let's give it up
for Shiomi Badani!
Idea for a series
with a comedian in the lead role
that'll win prizes all over the world
about the connection
between suffering and art
which only comedians can see.
Nahum Krakowski was a bank clerk
in charge of loan stamps.
One stormy night
he heard a knocking at the door
that refused to cease.
It was so rare
for anyone to visit them
that he was sure the pounding
was in his head again
and that he was having
an anxiety attack.
Who's that at this hour, Nahum?
Don't open, it could be ISIS.
To Nahum's astonishment,
behind the door stood the very worst.
Are you Nahum Krakowski?
-Who's asking?
The Grim Reaper.
Wrong apartment.
Upstairs on the right.
Amzaleg?
Aneurysm in 2028,
he has plenty of time.
I'm here for you.
Why now?
I'm so young.
You didn't fulfill your destiny.
You were supposed to be a famous poet
and what are you? A bank clerk.
What's wrong with that?
Who are you talking to?
There's nothing there but fog.
I couldn't fulfill my destiny,
I had to support my wife and kids.
God is sick of you, Krakowski.
Coward.
Get in the car. Now.
Wait, please.
Give me two months
and I'll fulfill my destiny.
Really.
All these years my head's been
full of metaphors, similes, allegories.
Every morning I'd hear wondrous poems
in my head on the way to work.
I appeal to your mercy,
I'm like troubled waters
floating in the air that cower
after a hot shower.
Interesting.
Okay, I'll give you 14 days. Deal?
14 business days
or 14 days total?
See why everyone
hates bank clerks?
The Grim Reaper agrees
to Krakowski's proposition
but it's not easy to be creative,
especially as the Sword of Death
lies on the neck of the frightened artist.
I can't work with all this noise
you're giving me writer's block.
Writer's block?
They're going to kill you.
Who'It support us?
Our children need money
for the orthodontist.
The little one has dysgraphia,
i gave my word.
Where's our poem?
Where are you, Nahum?
Where are you?
What's your worry?
You're the Grim Reaper.
It's only been two years.
I'm not going back
to being the Tooth Fairy.
I'll never forgive you!
Write a poem.
Write me a poem!
I'm uninspired.
People write out of distress,
out of poverty or loss,
I live the perfect life
of a bank clerk,
with a perfect wife.
-I see.
The Grim Reaper realizes
that Krakowski needs inspiration.
And just as his predecessor
inspired Anne Frank and Spielberg,
his wife gives up the ghost.
What have you done?!
Paula!
Welfare workers
swoop down like crows
they deny the father's right
to his children
and take his little ones away.
He's crushed.
Krakowski has nothing left
to live for.
The pain inundates him
with metaphors
and he writes the best poem
he ever wrote.
In a public performance
a public loner.
In a crowded city square
half my soul
searched for my mother
who always said,
with hands with red traces:
Beware of sunsets
and empty faces.
The melting snow
exudes no scent,
in a desert city
water has no intent.
All my life I polished my sword
and now, facing death,
the blade is broken.
Woe.
Those who came before me
left me ground
I will never cover,
I will never recover.
Nachum's poem is a sensation.
The organizer asks him to perform
at a poetry event in Jerusalem.
He promises
he'll sell out Tzavta Theater
and appear on Saturday Culture TV
with lots of politicians.
The Grim Reaper wells up with pride.
It's the first time
ever wept on the job.
He's glad to tell Krakowski
he'll keep his side of the bargain.
He'll fix him up
with a woman from work,
he'll get the kids back,
but it's too late.
The pain overwhelms Krakowski.
He decides to quit while he's winning
that way people will remember him
for his best poem.
He said to tell you
you're going back to being
the Tooth Fairy.
Tooth Fairy?
Yo mama's a tooth fairy.
Oh, Krakowski, Krakowski.
The next day everyone discovered
what a great poet he was.
Krakowski...
It was in all the papers
everyone read it,
except his children,
who had dysgraphia.
What's the matter?
You didn't pick up.
I was worried.
Why should I answer the phone
at 2:30 a.m.?
What a pain,
now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm taking care of five kids,
I've never worked so hard...
Leah, can I just see them
for a second?
No way.
Come on, they're my children.
I just want to see them
for a second, okay?
Is it true what the girls say,
Dana Khen is with Asi Dvora?
Yes.
-What the...?
it's true. Why not?
He's handsome and single,
she's pretty and single,
she's a total babe,
she's gorgeous,
she's a genius...
What's that got to do with me? -You?
Nothing. Nothing has to do with you.
Every phone in Israel crashes
but nothing has to do with you.
What are you trying to say, Leah?
You also think I should be
with Dana Khen?
Would I say such a thing?
It's not my place.
Me, find a replacement
for my own daughter?
Between you and me,
when she was still here
she was four levels above you.
Can Tamar be replaced?
Leah, you're insane.
Do me a favor,
just let me smell them,
I won't wake them,
I'll just smell them and go.
The court placed them with me
so they could have
a somewhat normal life
somewhat normal,
so I could give your kids
a somewhat normal life,
so leave, so I can give your kids
a somewhat normal life.
Come on, Eden, she doesn't even
know what you look like.
I told you when I phoned the baby, it's
the last time I go along with your craziness
Eden, a dad needs to know
his son's growth curve.
You know how many dads
in Israel are in my situation?
At least 10,000.
2,500 are registered with the "A Father
Isn't Just A Sperm Donor" organization.
Chico Eviatar is my son and I don't
even know what he looks like.
All right.
is he your brother?
I wish. I'm his babysitter.
I've been with him a month
and I'm crazy about him.
He is just the cutest.
Thanks .
He's... the sweetest.
What's his name?
-Eviata r.
Just like my favorite singer.
Want to eat? I blended some
apples and pears. Want some?
Tell me.. .
Are you looking for more work?
Actually, I'm busy,
but for your cutie
I'lI clear my schedule.
Take my number.
-Go ahead.
054... 55...
43... 2296...
Yasmin.
Okay?
Cutie.
Okay, then... bye.
Bye.
Nehama.
Nehama !
Nehama, you hear me?
Nehama!
Nehama!
Fuck
Nehama!
What' s the matter?
-Geez, you scared me!
I've been looking for you, you don't
pick up, I come in, see a bottle of pills
I thought something happened.
I took two sleeping pills
on a full stomach,
one too many sandwiches.
Look at you.
I wouldn't hurt myself, Avital,
the world is a better place
with me in it.
Look at you, clothes all rumpled,
you don't pick up,
you had me worried.
What are you doing here?
Got a gig for me?
A gig. . .
You think you'll get
your kids back this way?
The lawyer for the defense is nice.
It'll be okay.
Listen here.
Nice lawyers are the enemy, y'hear?
Did I ever tell you
how I opened my club?
More than once.
Good. Listen. I'm in Amsterdam
I'm allergic to nuts since I was a kid,
even before it became trendy.
You went into three restaurants...
-Exactly. -Ordered dessert,
they all had nuts... -Right.
-You fainted. -That's right.
I go into Bulldog - pecan pie.
I go into... -Geliben.
-Geliben, pecan pie.
I go to the red light district,
ate cream with hazelnuts
cashews and almonds
in coconut jelly, and why?
Because you wanted to reopen
the Comedy Club
come hell or high water,
because you have a dream.
No.
Because I wanted to die, Nehama.
I had nothing to live for.
Katarina took Agam
and left Israel, and...
I figured, as long as I'm dying
I might as well have something sweet
that I've never been able to eat.
This nice lawyer
visited me at the hospital.
An asshole, a scumbag,
a bastard,
Otto Schmuckler,
his father worked with the Nazis.
He tipped off the SS to Anne Frank,
and for what? She was a great gal,
never hurt anyone.
-Disgusting.
We sued for damages,
70% for me.
Anyway, I shouldn't own a club,
I should've been dead, Nehama.
And what does this teach you?
Don't marry a stripper?
That too, but. . .
The lesson is,
just when you're at your lowest,
when you can't get any lower,
that's when you see the peak ahead.
I brought you something.
Your peak.
What is it?
-A contract.
You have a feature on Asi Dvora's show.
Congrats.
You're kidding.
-That's right.
They didn't want Badani?
You're No. 1, he's No. 2.
See, Nehama?
You know how to succeed?
No idea,
tell you Listen.
Success is on the table
at the other end of the room.
The first person who stands up
crosses the room,
picks it up and puts it in his pocket,
success is his.
That's what you have to do.
Stand up, cross the room
and put it in your pocket,
and I've got your back.
I'll nail it. -You better,
or I'll ruin your reputation forever.
I'm not going back to Dimona
because of you.
I'll make you some coffee.
-No, go wash up, you look like shit.
I have almond milk.
-I gotta go.
Avital.
-What?
Thanks .
Congratulations.
Well?
-He'll do it.
Yes!
Dana, you're the best.
You're awesome.
Awesome? I didn't do it for him,
I did it for Asi. He isn't funny.
All his jokes are about how rotten
women are and how stupid men are...
Why? He has his moments.
It's all stolen, but he has his moments.
He mustn't find out
you put this together. -Obviously.
Doofuses.
Okay.
-Let's go.
Nervous?
No.
Just play it cool. Don't be afraid.
And don't show them your material,
they're all thieves.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
What's up, Mr. Asi Dvora?
Check it out,
this is what a millionaire looks like.
He's got loads of apartments
he owns Rothschild Blvd.
Okay, Avital.
How's it going?
Nehama, you're our new star, huh?
Nice paunch. I want one, too.
-Yeah? Thanks.
I was about to say
I want to dye my hair gray.
So what do you say?
Wow.
What do you say about your brother?
Prime time, man.
What do you say about your brother?
-Channel 12 hit rock bottom.
It's all thanks to you.
-You don't say.
Since the fuss over that sketch
about gays you wrote me...
They made an online petition
against me,
100,000 people signed,
I apologized...
I saw the video you posted,
it was so touching,
I didn't know you had
a homosexual experience in Lebanon.
I just said that
to get them off my back,
but then the bigshots noticed me, said,
hey, we've finally got something here.
They called me in and said:
"Finally you're edgy,
no more little observations on life,
"you're scandalous, sexy, dark."
And they gave me a show.
Amazing.
-Disgraceful.
That too.
-Mainly.
Show me your stuff.
-Leave him alone, not now.
What's the problem, Avital?
-No problem, he just wants it to be fresh.
It's okay, hey, this is commercial TV
not your two-bit club. -Oh, really?
Yes, really. -That's how you talk about
the club that discovered you?
Thanks to my club you're here
looking like a pedophile in a polo shirt.
Dana. . .
Everything okay?
Never been better.
How about you?
Nothing but love.
Yes. Uh.
I hear Arik started driving a cab.
-Yeah, one of us finally found a job.
Elbaz ruined us for good.
-T rue.
Everyone knows we ruined
a cellular company.
What an achievement.
How're the kids?
How are Shir and Eden...
and Jonathan and Amir and Itai?
You wrote their names down
like you did before big meetings?
Bingo.
They're fine.
They're eating fine, sleeping fine.
They're with their Grandma Leah.
-I know, I'm in their WhatsApp group.
I meant how are they feeling?
You're in their WhatsApp group?
They threw me out of all the groups.
Nehama, are you okay?
You look pale.
I'm fine
I'm fine
Okay.
What's up, babe?
You should let someone
go over your contract, an expert...
Are you okay? Too cold?
Too hot? -No, I'm fine.
Should I tell them to lower
the temperature? -No, I'm fine.
You sure?
-Yeah.
They have piles of fruit there,
I'm making a platter.
Get a banana for Dana.
- Yeah, let's...
Let's get some fruit.
-Let them bring it to you, hon. -Okay.
Grandma fell asleep in my bed.
We're wearing her out.
She was used to sleeping
12 hours a night.
I'll give her two weeks until
she has a stroke or an amputation.
miss Mom.
Don't think about it,
it only makes you weaker.
He's right.
I miss her too.
We never talk about
We never bring up old memories.
Once she slapped me,
when she found out I locked Jonathan
in the school bathroom.
She wanted us to be friends.
Once she threatened Omer Elbaz
because he hit me.
She said she'd send him
to reform school,
then she denied it
to the principal.
I'm the most like her,
both physically and personality-wise.
I'd punch any of you
who deserve it,
and I'll kill anyone
who touches you, Jonathan.
Think we'll meet her when we
Jonathan, science has proved
that can't happen.
Her memory is all that remains.
miss Dad.
Me too.
I don't understand why,
there's no real reason to.
But I miss him.
Everything's ruined.
Everything's ruined.
You know how many dads in Israel
can't see their kids?
Over 10,000.
A failure.
A big failure, that's what I am.
Come here, stupid.
You have to go.
Dad says it's far away.
I'll have to get up at 6:00
and take two buses.
You're going to audition,
I'll take you and you'll get into
the School of the Arts.
Don't worry about Dad
and his demons.
This is mine, why'd you take
-1 didn't,
it was in the laundry.
-I've been looking all over for it.
What demons?
I know you're ashamed of me.
I'm not ashamed of you.
-Yes you are, honey.
No I'm not. -You don't bring
friends over anymore, right?
You didn't want me to speak
on Parents Day.
Because you don't have a job, Mom.
-Do you think...
What would you talk about?
-You think I'm a loser
for staying home and raising you
but that was my dream.
I'm not ashamed of you.
-Yes you are, honey.
I wanted noise,
where I grew up I had to make noise
to cover up my loneliness.
You think Dad's dream
is to work at Technosystems?
Then why did he stop
doing comedy?
He told me his sense of humor
was too dark.
He was ahead of his time.
-Yeah.
He was ahead of his time. Right.
-Yeah.
That's not what happened.
-Then what did happen?
You know Asi Dvora?
THE Asi Dvora?
Nehama and Dvora were
the most popular duo in the club
' and Dad decided to perform alone
because he was really the star.
This was after they argued over
whose name came first in their ad.
Dad's stand-up routine
was the talk of the town.
It really was great.
Although I never saw
And one day the TV people
came to see him.
Remember how Yair Lapid's show
had a comedy feature?
Dad thought he had it in the bag.
Everyone at the club thought so.
But what Dad didn't know was
that Asi Dvora
also decided to show up.
You know...
You know when I realized.
You know when I realized
I have a small dick?
You know when I realized...
-Dvora?
What are you doing here?
You think I'm gonna pass up
Yair Lapid?
But you don't have a routine.
I bought Regev's routine.
-No way. -Yup.
That's great stuff. -Yeah, thanks.
-That's great. -Thanks. -That's great.
Thanks, bro.
-That's great.
You sold him your routine?
-No regrets, Regev.
Dude, I want to be a playwright.
I'm sick of this shit.
I want the simple life,
a wife and kids...
Lucky you. -You understand.
-That's great.
That's great, man!
-Wish me luck,
I'm nervous. -Yeah, sure.
-Thanks, bro.
Thanks, bro.
Well?
What's up, Rami?
You okay? Nervous?
For me. -Of course.
- Kidding...
Give us a minute alone, Rami.
-Oh, sure.
Thanks.
You know when...
You know... No...
You know when I realized
I have a small...
No, say it... -You know
when I realized I have a small dick?
You know when I realized
I have a small dick?
When I compared it with my sister's.
Throw down the punchline.
That's Regev's best line.
Set it up, then drop it.
And Dan Shilon yells:
"Where's my phone card?"
Then Dad started to tank up.
Shot after shot.
Oh, no... Oh, fuck...
At first just to boost
his confidence,
then he just downed them
automatically.
On a personal note,
I wanted to tell you...
The first time I realized I have...
a small dick...
So glad you came.
Would I miss the most important night
of my man's career?
Wow.
I have a friend named Regev.
I'm going on soon.
He's doing great out there.
He couldn't say an original line
you held a gun to his head.
I'm not sure originality
is what they're looking for.
I love you.
Really. First time I've gone out
with an ugly man, and I'm happy.
Thanks. I'm glad.
I'm compromising, too,
your family's broke.
Knock 'em dead, okay?
I gotta pee.
-Go.
Well? Did he make them laugh?
Not exactly.
He went on stage...
and for the time
ever he blacked out.
He stood there in the spotlight
and couldn't remember a single joke
and the silence killed him.
What have I done?
I pushed him to perform again.
I can never perform again.
I'll never perform again,
what have I done?
But a week later Herzl found him
a programming course and he signed up.
Tamar, I'll never perform again.
That was the last time.
It's like death.
I felt like someone
stabbed me in the heart.
I felt like I was being
locked into my grave.
I'll never do it again.
It's for clueless people
like Asi Dvora, not me.
Never again.
Never again, you hear?
I'm pregnant.
You're kidding.
Really?
Get out. Really?
Wow!
We'll have a little boy
or girl if you want.
Wow. . .
Wow!
Really? Really?
Wow!
You're not just saying it
to cheer me up? -You think?
Good to know I'm fertile.
At least that.
And when you were born
he wanted to call you Shir (Poem)
because you were the best poem
he ever wrote.
Then who's Amir named after?
After Grandpa Herzl's brother.
His name was Amir Fadida Nehama
he suffocated during the Gulf War
from wearing a gas mask
with the filter shut.
Idiot.
But he spelled his name Ameer.
And never tell Amir.
Where are you, Eden?
You won't take my calls
Shir won't take my call:
I leave you messages
and I know you see them
because there are
two check marks, okay?
You're screening my calls
and I don't know why.
I have a gig
and you should be here,
this is how I support the family
though you may think
money grows on trees.
I made tofu
with spirulina for you.
It's gone cold,
I should throw it awa
but never mind,
eat Grandma's junk,
that'll be your dinner.
I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait outside, ready to go,
and you should be available.
What if I got hurt?
Kids !
Eden !
-It's the middle of the night...
What's going on?
-You don't take my calls,
they don't either, it's just wrong.
-Don't I deserve some sleep?
I dropped off for a second,
what's wrong with that?
-Shir, Eden... Where are they?
Aren't they with you?
-No, they didn't show up.
I'm going nuts...
-Leah, where are the kids?
Shir took the bus with them,
they insisted I go to sleep.
Guy, we lost the kids.
-"We lost the kids?
You lost them.
-Go look for them.
Search the hospitals,
the trains.
I'm getting dressed.
You lost the kids...
-Hello?
I'm getting dressed.
-Kube.
I need you to turn on the monitor app
on the kids' phones.
For Shir, Eden,
Amir and Jonathan.
Do it now.
What the...?
I didn't know you were into graves.
If I'd known
I would've brought you here.
Dad, go away.
-What?
We had a vote, and until we're
back home permanently
nobody talks to you.
Eden took you off
all the WhatsApp groups.
Shir,
you're not happy with me.
The lawyer gave me
the transcription of the protocol
from the parental capacity hearing
where you spoke about me.
We all want to be with you.
-Yeah, right.
Jonathan said he dreams
that he's running
and I push him off a
Amir asked when he can leave home
and start a career.
You're not gonna be a greengrocer
how many times have I told you?!
You asked if it's legal
to move in with your boyfriend,
and only Eden lied
and said everything's perfect.
Good thing Itai can't talk.
The worst thing is, I saw the list
of everything that happened last year,
all the atrocities that happened
on my watch.
Maybe I can't take care
of five kids by myself.
I'm not like Mom.
Leave Mom out of this.
Shir, you're better off with Grandma.
You sleep normal hours,
you eat, everything's clean,
and you're with me twice a week,
and I'm finally starting to make it
and it's good for your dad to make it,
don't you see that?
You won't make it.
-Don't jinx me, Shi
You won ' t make it.
-Don't j inx me, Shir.
You don't stand a chance.
You're a cowa rd.
At the moment of truth
you'll find an excuse to chicken out.
You'It choke.
-That won't happen this time.
20 years from now
when you look back and wonder:
"Why will only Eden talk to me?"
It's because you chickened out here
at Mom's graveside.
Come on, we're going.
Let's go. -What now?
-Come on.
Shir, don't.
Come on...
Don't.
In the middle of the night?
Come back.
Shir.
Amir, Jonathan.
I'm not going to chase you.
You'll freeze to death.
Stop
Got any marshmallows, Eden?
Eden, let's go.
"Here lies our beloved
Tamar Ophir Nehama"
Scandal in the classical music world.
This humdrum world
doesn't usually make the headlines
but yesterday it was hit with
one of the biggest scandals ever:
a German musicologist
found ancient scores
by a Jewish composer named
Yehoshua Yehoyachin Mendelbaum.
This Mendelbaum, so it seems
wrote many of the pieces
attributed to none other
than Johann Sebastian Bach.
Guy Nehama.
Yes?
-Attorney Elad Abuhav.
Great.
-After you.
I have all the papers you asked for.
For sale
Arik?
Nehama.
-What's up, Ariko?
You heard I'm back in the game
and want to join the party?
What are you doing here?
-What am I doing here?
Nehama, you know what
the difference between us is?
I'm tall?
No, I can spot an opportunity
and you never could.
You know high-tech is dead?
Seen the obituaries all over the world?
You don't say. -Yes.
But you know where the future lies?
Bitcoin?
Healthy energy drinks.
That's right.
You know that 60%
of all white men
run over 1,500 meters a week?
-Is that a lot?
I forgot you were a paratrooper.
For the Intelligence Corps it's a lot,
almost impossible. Guaranteed heart attack.
Anyway, meet my new company,
Arik Bio Innovations.
Already registered in the Cayman Islands.
I'm gonna recruit the Technosystems crew,
only the winners this time.
Ruthie from HR is in,
it's gonna be amazing.
How about you, Nehama?
Where are you, Nehama?
Where are you?
Arik, how did you get back the old office?
They shut down the company.
-I rented it at half price.
Opportunities,
that's the difference between us.
I thought the difference was
that you're a taxi driver.
What?
-Someone saw you.
What? !
-That's what they say.
Lots of people.
What a...
Eve ryone.
-Wow.
High-tech is so full of assholes.
Someone said that?
-Lots of people.
You see why...
-Not just one or two.
I'm shocked.
See why I
high-tech?
I had to get away from them.
I'd sue them all
but I need to forget the past.
I'm always thinking ahead.
That's Arik, always thinking ahead.
I'm shocked.
One time.
One time I do my poor dad a favor,
take a fare to Rosh HaAyin
and now I'm a taxi driver?
Only once, that's all.
Once, maybe once to Rishon,
but that's it,
and once to the airport, and...
And now I'm a taxi driver.
What assholes!
People are so mean.
Wow.
-Arik,
I'm going to give you 350,000 shekels.
G reat.
-It's all I have left.
I sold my house... -Okay.
-I paid off my loans,
hired the best family lawyer in Israel.
- Excellent.
You won't regret it, Nehama.
It's like giving money to Steve Jobs
20 years ago.
I'll give you 2% of the stock.
G reat.
Arik, this isn't an investment.
Put the money in a mutual fund
and don't touch it.
Even if temptation calls, hands off.
I'll find you and kill you.
Touch that money,
you're dead meat, you hear? -Okay.
Pay me a monthly salary
out of that money
and give me a document saying I'm your VP
Financial Development in charge of customers
Why are you doing all this?
I have one last custody hearing
and I have to have a normal job.
That' s .
fraud.
Nice idea,
but what do I get out of it?
Don't you feel good about
helping a friend? -"Feel"?
"Feel" is for Sephardis.
A 2% service charge
plus bookkeeping expenses.
Hurry up,
before I realize
what a mistake this is.
Where are you, Nehama?
Where are you?
There you go!
Bam!
Bio Innovations' first deal.
Those assholes at The Marker
said Arik Cherney is dead.
You call this dead?
I don't need an energy drink
this is my energy drink!
Let's go, folks.
Go on, -Hi sit
down. Dana.
Well? -Well what?
Eden asked me to come,
so here I am.
Come on, don't make a big deal.
I'm scared red to death.
Your Honor,
my client works for
Arik Bio Innovations,
a flourishing energy drink company.
He's in a relationship with a leader
in the high-tech world, Dana Khen.
She's here today,
Dana Khen lives with him
Dana Khen has a healthy, normal,
intimate relationship with the children.
As you can see from the report by
three psychiatrists attached to this file,
he's a normal person
a benefit to society
a former paratrooper,
he fought in Lebanon,
fought in Gaza,
protected us all.
Leah Ophir, on the other hand
is an elderly woman,
she's very dear to my client
grandmother to his children,
but she's had a hard
It wasn't her choice,
but that's how it was.
She never married, she beat her late
daughter Tamar on several occasions,
I'm not blaming her,
she's had a hard life.
I'm afraid she's having
a nervous breakdown right now.
Yo mama's
having a nervous breakdown!
Your Honor.
you can see in the affidavit
of Mr. Merinsky,
owner of her local grocery store
she had a rage attack just last week,
and I quote:
"You scumbag,
the boy wants a grilled cheese,
"am I supposed to tell him
we don't have his favorite cheese?
"Who do you think you are, Boris?
Who do you think you are?
"I asked you to put it aside
and you didn't, did you?"
In our society, I don't think children
should be raised in an environment
that hates Russians.
Did you write down
what he said to me?
Your Honor, he swore in Russian.
He speaks Russian,
I don't speak their language.
He cursed me out in Russian.
"Their language," you
Israel 2018.
We're one and the same people
Ms. Ophir.
Your Honor, the stenographer,
the social workers...
My attorney asked me
to speak about my wife.
He asked me to talk about
her bouts of depression,
how she once went to India
and left me alone with the children
and came back three days later
a broken woman.
But I can't do that.
can't sully my wife's name
because although she may be dead
she's still the love of my
And I love her so much that...
even when we fought I loved her
because I knew we'd make up.
And. . .
She was the best mother in the world
she was perfect.
Much better than me.
I wasn't in her league.
Not in her league?
A different sport entirely.
But now she's dead
and I'm with them,
I'm their father
and I haven't got a clue.
Fact is, I don't know what to do.
And it's unfair to compare
a mother to a father.
A mother takes care of the kids,
their schedules,
what they do and don't do.
A father should be there,
and I'm there.
there, Shoshi,
I'm always there.
We won.
Thanks .
Pa rt 2
What's up,
Feel an epilepsy attack coming on?
-I don't have epilepsy.
Shh... don't shout.
-Two attacks isn't epilepsy.
Don't shout.
-You're freaking me out.
You're making me a cripple.
Just get me a sticker and get it over with.
Great.
Then you can stay with them
I'll be back in an hour.
No way.
I'm not their mother.
Shir.
Don't wake them up, please.
Oh, all right.
I'll babysit.
-Great.
We got much closer
staying with Grandma Leah. -Really?
Yeah, I started to imagine hiding
with them during the Holocaust,
I could do it easily.
I'd come out 5 lbs heavier.
You'd win "Outstanding Jew.
What's that?
It's...
the record of calls
from Mom's phone.
I want to see where she was
the night she died.
Dad, finding out that Mom was
somewhere won't free you from her.
Shir, I have everything I want.
You're with me,
my career is taking off,
this is my big break.
Soon I'll be making money
and we can afford a decent apartment.
Dana Khen will be back in a few days,
she and Asi Dvora are living on gas fumes.
Dad, they're getting married in Cyprus
next week. -It won't happen.
She's in the newspaper
wearing a wedding dress.
Big deal, Dana likes white clothes,
it's all a bluff.
It won't happen.
I can't seem
to enjoy anything because...
love Mom.
Even if she cheated on me
I need to know the truth,
it's the only way to let her go.
Let's say Mom lied to you,
so what?
People lie all the time.
Let's go home, Guy.
Stop playing detective.
You're turning into an obsessive nut
I know one when I see one.
Guy, I'll book you into the rehab village,
they'll pump you full of pills.
Oren, shut up!
The only reason I don't hit you is
I don't want to go onstage
with a black eye.
Oren.
You idiot, you put in
the wrong coordinates.
Oh yeah? Who was the Border Police
orienteering champ?
I double-checked the coordinates.
Oh yeah? They searched
the Hebron hills for you all night.
This is my house.
Yeah? Who got through the paratroops
by making the guys laugh?
Your house?
I'm staying in Rami Avital's Airbnb
upstairs, with the kids.
You brought us back
where I came from.
You mistyped.
This is where Tamar
spent her last night.
Here, I'm inputting it again.
They knew each other.
Tamar and Rami Avital.
How did they know each other?
I met her at the club.
She was a waitress
and he ran the bar.
Everyone was hot for her.
Son of a bitch
Oren, put the knife back.
No knives!
They say Ethiopians are sensitive.
It's not true, it's the Tasers...
Where's Rami?
Taking a dump.
Give us five minutes
alone with Rami.
Badani, out. -I asked nicely.
See you later.
- Bye.
Hey, Rami.
-What's up, Nehama?
Here to try out material?
I can ask them to call you up.
Rami, did you meet with Tamar?
Who's Tamar?
I'm calling you from her phone.
One of the Best
Well, look at that.
One of the Best.
If not THE best.
Nehama,
just let it be.
I loved her just as much as you.
-That's what bothers me.
You want the truth?
-Yes !
sure you can handle it?
You know why they call him
Dudi Coma?
Because he's in a coma?
-You know who put him in a coma?
What do you want to hear, Nehama?
She phoned after years
of not hearing from her.
At first I didn't answer,
then she insisted we meet
that night.
It had to be nighttime.
So excited you called, Strawberry.
She'd obviously been crying.
Don't call me that.
Isn't that your nickname?
Not for years and years.
What is this place?
You know something?
You're still the prettiest woman
I ever saw.
Thanks .
You live here?
No, Julia and I use
as an Airbnb.
Have a seat.
Then why meet me here?
Damn, Strawberry.
-Don't call me that.
I always hated that club.
All those "artists
who think they're hot shit.
What was the name
of that guy you married?
Tikva? No...
Nehama. -Nehama.
-Yeah.
Oh, Nehama.
came to ask you...
to let him into your club.
And give him a good slot.
He's a good kid.
Kid?
Isn't he 200 years old by now?
He can't perform at his age.
It won't work.
There are no shortcuts.
Do it for me.
For me.
If you come to the club...
can we have some fun afterwards?
No, I have cancer.
Get out. Are you joking?
Does anyone joke about cancer?
-I do.
At least six times,
before I went to Holland,
I tried to get Social Security
to pay my rent.
Well. . .
will you do it for me?
Whatever you wish.
I'll make us some coffee.
-No, no thanks. -Something...
You sure? No coffee, no tea?
-No, I gotta go. -Why?
It'll only take a sec...
-No, I really have to go.
Thanks.
Take care of him, okay?
Can I get a hug?
What for?
I'm so sad to hear you're sick.
You know how many people
lost to cancer this year?
A woman in your condition.
It's not even a question of ethics,
you have to do what you want.
You know what I want?
To gather all my kids
and sleep in one bed with them.
Drop me off, I don't have a license.
She didn't do anything.
Really, Nehama,
she was a good wife.
Another league,
you see in Dimona
not like the trash
you see here in Tel Aviv.
Bravo, Rami. You win the Emmy.
But you were in the car with her.
-What?
I saw you
in the security camera footage.
What did you do in the car?
-Nothing, I tell you.
Nothing happened, I swear!
Nothing.
You once loved me, remember?
I wanted to piss off my mom,
that's all.
Can I kiss you?
No.
Why not?
If I want to puke,
I'll do chemo.
You're the funniest, you know?
-For sure. -No, really.
You know something?
I lied.
I have a car and a license
Because of you,
I don't know if I'll get home.
I'll call an ambulance...
have to get out of here...
If Julia catches me here...
She's always threatening
to divorce me.
Strawberry, are you okay?
Are you okay?
-Yes .
I need...
I need an ambulance
on Ein HaBesor Road
by the gas station. There was
an accident, a woman's injured.
Come quick, it's urgent.
Urgent!
I made you a star
like she asked me to.
At first it was for her sake,
but then I started to like you.
You're desperate, I can relate.
Nehama, they didn't want you
on Asi Dvora's show.
I fought everyone there
to get you on.
What about Monday's pilot?
Are you with me?
Of course he's with you.
You think he'd give up his dream?
I've heard him blab on about it
since I was eight.
Get up.
That's showbiz.
You're all who res.
Wake up, Devora.
You don't throw away a career
for a girl.
Who is this Dana Khen anyway?
She's not even hot.
Revital, take my phone,
any call or message
from Dana Khen,
remember the name,
Dana Khen,
stop the shoot
and bring me the phone.
Got it.
-Thanks, hon.
She even told me
she wanted someone to argue with
just to make up afterwards.
Can you believe it?
Asi,
you've been waiting for a chance
to be on TV for years.
Well,
here it is.
Here.
Take
Thanks, bro. What is
-It'll relax you.
Relax me? Before a show?!
You're funny.
You're brilliant.
Women are mad about you.
And you have a cool dick.
It isn't big, but it's cool,
all the girls say so.
Dad was wrong.
Mom was right.
You're a star.
go, Asi.
Let's go, As
Let's go
There's a courier here for you.
-Oh, good.
Hey, hey, are you crazy,
bringing grass here?!
Don't be silly, Asi. Of course not.
I know nothing about it.
What's with you? -Don't mess with me.
-I know nothing about it.
What's wrong with him?
I ordered it for tomorrow, for the club.
What does he think it
a pizza delivery?
Thanks.
What's your problem? Give it here.
Last time you come here.
Go. I'll get your website busted
for this, mark my words.
Yo mama.
That guy...
Hold on.
Yes, Avital?
-Nehama, where are you?
We're starting in a second.
Having fun with my kids.
You haven't caught a cab?
Are you out of your mind?
Bring the kids, I'll watch them.
Avital, take your feature
and shove it up your ass
and Asi's too.
Play with it and tell
me how it felt, okay?
Really?
Wow.
What's the matter, Avital?
rouble breathing?
Want
Your injection?
Hazelnuts, macadamia nuts,
walnuts, nutmeg,
pistachios
and cashews.
We ground all that
into your grass.
Want this?
Is this what you want?
You left Tamar
to crawl on the ground and die?
Guy.
Look at my face.
On one condition, Oren.
Don't touch his hair,
don't touch his diaper,
no DNA test,
I read it could ruin his
Can I pick him up?
Of course, he's your son.
The first time I realized
I have a small dick
was when I compared mine
with my sister's.
What's funny about that?
That's not funny.
Shh... Be quiet,
Amir, Jonathan, don't wake him up.
Put him in the other room.
Look.
It's not like our old house
but it's a kickass apartment.
It's all about location.
Amazing location. -I get the room
on the right. Touch it and you die.
Got that, Amir?
Dad, what'll you do?
I' It work with Arik,
he has a great concept.
And give up comedy?
No, I think I'll perform
once in a while.
And whenever I perform,
legally speaking,
you won't be alone.
"Stand-up Factory"
-I'm a discharged soldier.
For how long?
-Six months.
You're not a discharged soldier,
you're a parasite.
You live off your parents.
Leave home already!
You're my greatest fear.
still living at home,
30 years old,
"What's up, Dad? I just got up.
"What time is 7:00?
I couldn't wake up.
They fart on you
and each has a partner.
Ten people...
That's why everything
that makes you happy about kids
are signs that they'll leave home.
"Look, he's crawling!
"He started walking,
he'll leave home."
My kids left home.
Five kids.
It's a miracle.
For years you pray,
and lo and behold, it happens.
They moved to Grandma's.
Shir.
What joy, for them and for me.
They literally ran to the car.
Get in the car, okay?
Get in.
Johnny... Jonathan!
Jonathan!
No! Jonathan, what's with you?
I don't want to leave you, Dad.
I don't want this either,
but that's what the court decided.
We have to go. The court decided
we have to go to Grandma's.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I'll stop popping pills.
Sweetie, it's not you
that's not the reason, okay?
It's not your fau
Your shitty Uncle Oren screwed us.
You kids made mistakes, but it's
not your fault. Look at me, Jonathan.
For years I tried to get rid of them.
I'd drop them off in
the middle of nowhere and zoom off.
And their grandma is a real creep.
They don't fight over
who sits in which seat,
no seatbelts eith
it's like the '80s.
They sprawl all over the seats
no seatbelts.
Thank you, you were awesome.
It's been great, thank you.
Except the discharged soldier.
Shame on you,
living with your parents
at the age of 40.
Thank you.
Now let's give it up
for Shiomi Badani!
Idea for a series
with a comedian in the lead role
that'll win prizes all over the world
about the connection
between suffering and art
which only comedians can see.
Nahum Krakowski was a bank clerk
in charge of loan stamps.
One stormy night
he heard a knocking at the door
that refused to cease.
It was so rare
for anyone to visit them
that he was sure the pounding
was in his head again
and that he was having
an anxiety attack.
Who's that at this hour, Nahum?
Don't open, it could be ISIS.
To Nahum's astonishment,
behind the door stood the very worst.
Are you Nahum Krakowski?
-Who's asking?
The Grim Reaper.
Wrong apartment.
Upstairs on the right.
Amzaleg?
Aneurysm in 2028,
he has plenty of time.
I'm here for you.
Why now?
I'm so young.
You didn't fulfill your destiny.
You were supposed to be a famous poet
and what are you? A bank clerk.
What's wrong with that?
Who are you talking to?
There's nothing there but fog.
I couldn't fulfill my destiny,
I had to support my wife and kids.
God is sick of you, Krakowski.
Coward.
Get in the car. Now.
Wait, please.
Give me two months
and I'll fulfill my destiny.
Really.
All these years my head's been
full of metaphors, similes, allegories.
Every morning I'd hear wondrous poems
in my head on the way to work.
I appeal to your mercy,
I'm like troubled waters
floating in the air that cower
after a hot shower.
Interesting.
Okay, I'll give you 14 days. Deal?
14 business days
or 14 days total?
See why everyone
hates bank clerks?
The Grim Reaper agrees
to Krakowski's proposition
but it's not easy to be creative,
especially as the Sword of Death
lies on the neck of the frightened artist.
I can't work with all this noise
you're giving me writer's block.
Writer's block?
They're going to kill you.
Who'It support us?
Our children need money
for the orthodontist.
The little one has dysgraphia,
i gave my word.
Where's our poem?
Where are you, Nahum?
Where are you?
What's your worry?
You're the Grim Reaper.
It's only been two years.
I'm not going back
to being the Tooth Fairy.
I'll never forgive you!
Write a poem.
Write me a poem!
I'm uninspired.
People write out of distress,
out of poverty or loss,
I live the perfect life
of a bank clerk,
with a perfect wife.
-I see.
The Grim Reaper realizes
that Krakowski needs inspiration.
And just as his predecessor
inspired Anne Frank and Spielberg,
his wife gives up the ghost.
What have you done?!
Paula!
Welfare workers
swoop down like crows
they deny the father's right
to his children
and take his little ones away.
He's crushed.
Krakowski has nothing left
to live for.
The pain inundates him
with metaphors
and he writes the best poem
he ever wrote.
In a public performance
a public loner.
In a crowded city square
half my soul
searched for my mother
who always said,
with hands with red traces:
Beware of sunsets
and empty faces.
The melting snow
exudes no scent,
in a desert city
water has no intent.
All my life I polished my sword
and now, facing death,
the blade is broken.
Woe.
Those who came before me
left me ground
I will never cover,
I will never recover.
Nachum's poem is a sensation.
The organizer asks him to perform
at a poetry event in Jerusalem.
He promises
he'll sell out Tzavta Theater
and appear on Saturday Culture TV
with lots of politicians.
The Grim Reaper wells up with pride.
It's the first time
ever wept on the job.
He's glad to tell Krakowski
he'll keep his side of the bargain.
He'll fix him up
with a woman from work,
he'll get the kids back,
but it's too late.
The pain overwhelms Krakowski.
He decides to quit while he's winning
that way people will remember him
for his best poem.
He said to tell you
you're going back to being
the Tooth Fairy.
Tooth Fairy?
Yo mama's a tooth fairy.
Oh, Krakowski, Krakowski.
The next day everyone discovered
what a great poet he was.
Krakowski...
It was in all the papers
everyone read it,
except his children,
who had dysgraphia.
What's the matter?
You didn't pick up.
I was worried.
Why should I answer the phone
at 2:30 a.m.?
What a pain,
now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm taking care of five kids,
I've never worked so hard...
Leah, can I just see them
for a second?
No way.
Come on, they're my children.
I just want to see them
for a second, okay?
Is it true what the girls say,
Dana Khen is with Asi Dvora?
Yes.
-What the...?
it's true. Why not?
He's handsome and single,
she's pretty and single,
she's a total babe,
she's gorgeous,
she's a genius...
What's that got to do with me? -You?
Nothing. Nothing has to do with you.
Every phone in Israel crashes
but nothing has to do with you.
What are you trying to say, Leah?
You also think I should be
with Dana Khen?
Would I say such a thing?
It's not my place.
Me, find a replacement
for my own daughter?
Between you and me,
when she was still here
she was four levels above you.
Can Tamar be replaced?
Leah, you're insane.
Do me a favor,
just let me smell them,
I won't wake them,
I'll just smell them and go.
The court placed them with me
so they could have
a somewhat normal life
somewhat normal,
so I could give your kids
a somewhat normal life,
so leave, so I can give your kids
a somewhat normal life.
Come on, Eden, she doesn't even
know what you look like.
I told you when I phoned the baby, it's
the last time I go along with your craziness
Eden, a dad needs to know
his son's growth curve.
You know how many dads
in Israel are in my situation?
At least 10,000.
2,500 are registered with the "A Father
Isn't Just A Sperm Donor" organization.
Chico Eviatar is my son and I don't
even know what he looks like.
All right.
is he your brother?
I wish. I'm his babysitter.
I've been with him a month
and I'm crazy about him.
He is just the cutest.
Thanks .
He's... the sweetest.
What's his name?
-Eviata r.
Just like my favorite singer.
Want to eat? I blended some
apples and pears. Want some?
Tell me.. .
Are you looking for more work?
Actually, I'm busy,
but for your cutie
I'lI clear my schedule.
Take my number.
-Go ahead.
054... 55...
43... 2296...
Yasmin.
Okay?
Cutie.
Okay, then... bye.
Bye.
Nehama.
Nehama !
Nehama, you hear me?
Nehama!
Nehama!
Fuck
Nehama!
What' s the matter?
-Geez, you scared me!
I've been looking for you, you don't
pick up, I come in, see a bottle of pills
I thought something happened.
I took two sleeping pills
on a full stomach,
one too many sandwiches.
Look at you.
I wouldn't hurt myself, Avital,
the world is a better place
with me in it.
Look at you, clothes all rumpled,
you don't pick up,
you had me worried.
What are you doing here?
Got a gig for me?
A gig. . .
You think you'll get
your kids back this way?
The lawyer for the defense is nice.
It'll be okay.
Listen here.
Nice lawyers are the enemy, y'hear?
Did I ever tell you
how I opened my club?
More than once.
Good. Listen. I'm in Amsterdam
I'm allergic to nuts since I was a kid,
even before it became trendy.
You went into three restaurants...
-Exactly. -Ordered dessert,
they all had nuts... -Right.
-You fainted. -That's right.
I go into Bulldog - pecan pie.
I go into... -Geliben.
-Geliben, pecan pie.
I go to the red light district,
ate cream with hazelnuts
cashews and almonds
in coconut jelly, and why?
Because you wanted to reopen
the Comedy Club
come hell or high water,
because you have a dream.
No.
Because I wanted to die, Nehama.
I had nothing to live for.
Katarina took Agam
and left Israel, and...
I figured, as long as I'm dying
I might as well have something sweet
that I've never been able to eat.
This nice lawyer
visited me at the hospital.
An asshole, a scumbag,
a bastard,
Otto Schmuckler,
his father worked with the Nazis.
He tipped off the SS to Anne Frank,
and for what? She was a great gal,
never hurt anyone.
-Disgusting.
We sued for damages,
70% for me.
Anyway, I shouldn't own a club,
I should've been dead, Nehama.
And what does this teach you?
Don't marry a stripper?
That too, but. . .
The lesson is,
just when you're at your lowest,
when you can't get any lower,
that's when you see the peak ahead.
I brought you something.
Your peak.
What is it?
-A contract.
You have a feature on Asi Dvora's show.
Congrats.
You're kidding.
-That's right.
They didn't want Badani?
You're No. 1, he's No. 2.
See, Nehama?
You know how to succeed?
No idea,
tell you Listen.
Success is on the table
at the other end of the room.
The first person who stands up
crosses the room,
picks it up and puts it in his pocket,
success is his.
That's what you have to do.
Stand up, cross the room
and put it in your pocket,
and I've got your back.
I'll nail it. -You better,
or I'll ruin your reputation forever.
I'm not going back to Dimona
because of you.
I'll make you some coffee.
-No, go wash up, you look like shit.
I have almond milk.
-I gotta go.
Avital.
-What?
Thanks .
Congratulations.
Well?
-He'll do it.
Yes!
Dana, you're the best.
You're awesome.
Awesome? I didn't do it for him,
I did it for Asi. He isn't funny.
All his jokes are about how rotten
women are and how stupid men are...
Why? He has his moments.
It's all stolen, but he has his moments.
He mustn't find out
you put this together. -Obviously.
Doofuses.
Okay.
-Let's go.
Nervous?
No.
Just play it cool. Don't be afraid.
And don't show them your material,
they're all thieves.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
What's up, Mr. Asi Dvora?
Check it out,
this is what a millionaire looks like.
He's got loads of apartments
he owns Rothschild Blvd.
Okay, Avital.
How's it going?
Nehama, you're our new star, huh?
Nice paunch. I want one, too.
-Yeah? Thanks.
I was about to say
I want to dye my hair gray.
So what do you say?
Wow.
What do you say about your brother?
Prime time, man.
What do you say about your brother?
-Channel 12 hit rock bottom.
It's all thanks to you.
-You don't say.
Since the fuss over that sketch
about gays you wrote me...
They made an online petition
against me,
100,000 people signed,
I apologized...
I saw the video you posted,
it was so touching,
I didn't know you had
a homosexual experience in Lebanon.
I just said that
to get them off my back,
but then the bigshots noticed me, said,
hey, we've finally got something here.
They called me in and said:
"Finally you're edgy,
no more little observations on life,
"you're scandalous, sexy, dark."
And they gave me a show.
Amazing.
-Disgraceful.
That too.
-Mainly.
Show me your stuff.
-Leave him alone, not now.
What's the problem, Avital?
-No problem, he just wants it to be fresh.
It's okay, hey, this is commercial TV
not your two-bit club. -Oh, really?
Yes, really. -That's how you talk about
the club that discovered you?
Thanks to my club you're here
looking like a pedophile in a polo shirt.
Dana. . .
Everything okay?
Never been better.
How about you?
Nothing but love.
Yes. Uh.
I hear Arik started driving a cab.
-Yeah, one of us finally found a job.
Elbaz ruined us for good.
-T rue.
Everyone knows we ruined
a cellular company.
What an achievement.
How're the kids?
How are Shir and Eden...
and Jonathan and Amir and Itai?
You wrote their names down
like you did before big meetings?
Bingo.
They're fine.
They're eating fine, sleeping fine.
They're with their Grandma Leah.
-I know, I'm in their WhatsApp group.
I meant how are they feeling?
You're in their WhatsApp group?
They threw me out of all the groups.
Nehama, are you okay?
You look pale.
I'm fine
I'm fine
Okay.
What's up, babe?
You should let someone
go over your contract, an expert...
Are you okay? Too cold?
Too hot? -No, I'm fine.
Should I tell them to lower
the temperature? -No, I'm fine.
You sure?
-Yeah.
They have piles of fruit there,
I'm making a platter.
Get a banana for Dana.
- Yeah, let's...
Let's get some fruit.
-Let them bring it to you, hon. -Okay.
Grandma fell asleep in my bed.
We're wearing her out.
She was used to sleeping
12 hours a night.
I'll give her two weeks until
she has a stroke or an amputation.
miss Mom.
Don't think about it,
it only makes you weaker.
He's right.
I miss her too.
We never talk about
We never bring up old memories.
Once she slapped me,
when she found out I locked Jonathan
in the school bathroom.
She wanted us to be friends.
Once she threatened Omer Elbaz
because he hit me.
She said she'd send him
to reform school,
then she denied it
to the principal.
I'm the most like her,
both physically and personality-wise.
I'd punch any of you
who deserve it,
and I'll kill anyone
who touches you, Jonathan.
Think we'll meet her when we
Jonathan, science has proved
that can't happen.
Her memory is all that remains.
miss Dad.
Me too.
I don't understand why,
there's no real reason to.
But I miss him.
Everything's ruined.
Everything's ruined.
You know how many dads in Israel
can't see their kids?
Over 10,000.
A failure.
A big failure, that's what I am.
Come here, stupid.
You have to go.
Dad says it's far away.
I'll have to get up at 6:00
and take two buses.
You're going to audition,
I'll take you and you'll get into
the School of the Arts.
Don't worry about Dad
and his demons.
This is mine, why'd you take
-1 didn't,
it was in the laundry.
-I've been looking all over for it.
What demons?
I know you're ashamed of me.
I'm not ashamed of you.
-Yes you are, honey.
No I'm not. -You don't bring
friends over anymore, right?
You didn't want me to speak
on Parents Day.
Because you don't have a job, Mom.
-Do you think...
What would you talk about?
-You think I'm a loser
for staying home and raising you
but that was my dream.
I'm not ashamed of you.
-Yes you are, honey.
I wanted noise,
where I grew up I had to make noise
to cover up my loneliness.
You think Dad's dream
is to work at Technosystems?
Then why did he stop
doing comedy?
He told me his sense of humor
was too dark.
He was ahead of his time.
-Yeah.
He was ahead of his time. Right.
-Yeah.
That's not what happened.
-Then what did happen?
You know Asi Dvora?
THE Asi Dvora?
Nehama and Dvora were
the most popular duo in the club
' and Dad decided to perform alone
because he was really the star.
This was after they argued over
whose name came first in their ad.
Dad's stand-up routine
was the talk of the town.
It really was great.
Although I never saw
And one day the TV people
came to see him.
Remember how Yair Lapid's show
had a comedy feature?
Dad thought he had it in the bag.
Everyone at the club thought so.
But what Dad didn't know was
that Asi Dvora
also decided to show up.
You know...
You know when I realized.
You know when I realized
I have a small dick?
You know when I realized...
-Dvora?
What are you doing here?
You think I'm gonna pass up
Yair Lapid?
But you don't have a routine.
I bought Regev's routine.
-No way. -Yup.
That's great stuff. -Yeah, thanks.
-That's great. -Thanks. -That's great.
Thanks, bro.
-That's great.
You sold him your routine?
-No regrets, Regev.
Dude, I want to be a playwright.
I'm sick of this shit.
I want the simple life,
a wife and kids...
Lucky you. -You understand.
-That's great.
That's great, man!
-Wish me luck,
I'm nervous. -Yeah, sure.
-Thanks, bro.
Thanks, bro.
Well?
What's up, Rami?
You okay? Nervous?
For me. -Of course.
- Kidding...
Give us a minute alone, Rami.
-Oh, sure.
Thanks.
You know when...
You know... No...
You know when I realized
I have a small...
No, say it... -You know
when I realized I have a small dick?
You know when I realized
I have a small dick?
When I compared it with my sister's.
Throw down the punchline.
That's Regev's best line.
Set it up, then drop it.
And Dan Shilon yells:
"Where's my phone card?"
Then Dad started to tank up.
Shot after shot.
Oh, no... Oh, fuck...
At first just to boost
his confidence,
then he just downed them
automatically.
On a personal note,
I wanted to tell you...
The first time I realized I have...
a small dick...
So glad you came.
Would I miss the most important night
of my man's career?
Wow.
I have a friend named Regev.
I'm going on soon.
He's doing great out there.
He couldn't say an original line
you held a gun to his head.
I'm not sure originality
is what they're looking for.
I love you.
Really. First time I've gone out
with an ugly man, and I'm happy.
Thanks. I'm glad.
I'm compromising, too,
your family's broke.
Knock 'em dead, okay?
I gotta pee.
-Go.
Well? Did he make them laugh?
Not exactly.
He went on stage...
and for the time
ever he blacked out.
He stood there in the spotlight
and couldn't remember a single joke
and the silence killed him.
What have I done?
I pushed him to perform again.
I can never perform again.
I'll never perform again,
what have I done?
But a week later Herzl found him
a programming course and he signed up.
Tamar, I'll never perform again.
That was the last time.
It's like death.
I felt like someone
stabbed me in the heart.
I felt like I was being
locked into my grave.
I'll never do it again.
It's for clueless people
like Asi Dvora, not me.
Never again.
Never again, you hear?
I'm pregnant.
You're kidding.
Really?
Get out. Really?
Wow!
We'll have a little boy
or girl if you want.
Wow. . .
Wow!
Really? Really?
Wow!
You're not just saying it
to cheer me up? -You think?
Good to know I'm fertile.
At least that.
And when you were born
he wanted to call you Shir (Poem)
because you were the best poem
he ever wrote.
Then who's Amir named after?
After Grandpa Herzl's brother.
His name was Amir Fadida Nehama
he suffocated during the Gulf War
from wearing a gas mask
with the filter shut.
Idiot.
But he spelled his name Ameer.
And never tell Amir.
Where are you, Eden?
You won't take my calls
Shir won't take my call:
I leave you messages
and I know you see them
because there are
two check marks, okay?
You're screening my calls
and I don't know why.
I have a gig
and you should be here,
this is how I support the family
though you may think
money grows on trees.
I made tofu
with spirulina for you.
It's gone cold,
I should throw it awa
but never mind,
eat Grandma's junk,
that'll be your dinner.
I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait outside, ready to go,
and you should be available.
What if I got hurt?
Kids !
Eden !
-It's the middle of the night...
What's going on?
-You don't take my calls,
they don't either, it's just wrong.
-Don't I deserve some sleep?
I dropped off for a second,
what's wrong with that?
-Shir, Eden... Where are they?
Aren't they with you?
-No, they didn't show up.
I'm going nuts...
-Leah, where are the kids?
Shir took the bus with them,
they insisted I go to sleep.
Guy, we lost the kids.
-"We lost the kids?
You lost them.
-Go look for them.
Search the hospitals,
the trains.
I'm getting dressed.
You lost the kids...
-Hello?
I'm getting dressed.
-Kube.
I need you to turn on the monitor app
on the kids' phones.
For Shir, Eden,
Amir and Jonathan.
Do it now.
What the...?
I didn't know you were into graves.
If I'd known
I would've brought you here.
Dad, go away.
-What?
We had a vote, and until we're
back home permanently
nobody talks to you.
Eden took you off
all the WhatsApp groups.
Shir,
you're not happy with me.
The lawyer gave me
the transcription of the protocol
from the parental capacity hearing
where you spoke about me.
We all want to be with you.
-Yeah, right.
Jonathan said he dreams
that he's running
and I push him off a
Amir asked when he can leave home
and start a career.
You're not gonna be a greengrocer
how many times have I told you?!
You asked if it's legal
to move in with your boyfriend,
and only Eden lied
and said everything's perfect.
Good thing Itai can't talk.
The worst thing is, I saw the list
of everything that happened last year,
all the atrocities that happened
on my watch.
Maybe I can't take care
of five kids by myself.
I'm not like Mom.
Leave Mom out of this.
Shir, you're better off with Grandma.
You sleep normal hours,
you eat, everything's clean,
and you're with me twice a week,
and I'm finally starting to make it
and it's good for your dad to make it,
don't you see that?
You won't make it.
-Don't jinx me, Shi
You won ' t make it.
-Don't j inx me, Shir.
You don't stand a chance.
You're a cowa rd.
At the moment of truth
you'll find an excuse to chicken out.
You'It choke.
-That won't happen this time.
20 years from now
when you look back and wonder:
"Why will only Eden talk to me?"
It's because you chickened out here
at Mom's graveside.
Come on, we're going.
Let's go. -What now?
-Come on.
Shir, don't.
Come on...
Don't.
In the middle of the night?
Come back.
Shir.
Amir, Jonathan.
I'm not going to chase you.
You'll freeze to death.
Stop
Got any marshmallows, Eden?
Eden, let's go.
"Here lies our beloved
Tamar Ophir Nehama"
Scandal in the classical music world.
This humdrum world
doesn't usually make the headlines
but yesterday it was hit with
one of the biggest scandals ever:
a German musicologist
found ancient scores
by a Jewish composer named
Yehoshua Yehoyachin Mendelbaum.
This Mendelbaum, so it seems
wrote many of the pieces
attributed to none other
than Johann Sebastian Bach.
Guy Nehama.
Yes?
-Attorney Elad Abuhav.
Great.
-After you.
I have all the papers you asked for.
For sale
Arik?
Nehama.
-What's up, Ariko?
You heard I'm back in the game
and want to join the party?
What are you doing here?
-What am I doing here?
Nehama, you know what
the difference between us is?
I'm tall?
No, I can spot an opportunity
and you never could.
You know high-tech is dead?
Seen the obituaries all over the world?
You don't say. -Yes.
But you know where the future lies?
Bitcoin?
Healthy energy drinks.
That's right.
You know that 60%
of all white men
run over 1,500 meters a week?
-Is that a lot?
I forgot you were a paratrooper.
For the Intelligence Corps it's a lot,
almost impossible. Guaranteed heart attack.
Anyway, meet my new company,
Arik Bio Innovations.
Already registered in the Cayman Islands.
I'm gonna recruit the Technosystems crew,
only the winners this time.
Ruthie from HR is in,
it's gonna be amazing.
How about you, Nehama?
Where are you, Nehama?
Where are you?
Arik, how did you get back the old office?
They shut down the company.
-I rented it at half price.
Opportunities,
that's the difference between us.
I thought the difference was
that you're a taxi driver.
What?
-Someone saw you.
What? !
-That's what they say.
Lots of people.
What a...
Eve ryone.
-Wow.
High-tech is so full of assholes.
Someone said that?
-Lots of people.
You see why...
-Not just one or two.
I'm shocked.
See why I
high-tech?
I had to get away from them.
I'd sue them all
but I need to forget the past.
I'm always thinking ahead.
That's Arik, always thinking ahead.
I'm shocked.
One time.
One time I do my poor dad a favor,
take a fare to Rosh HaAyin
and now I'm a taxi driver?
Only once, that's all.
Once, maybe once to Rishon,
but that's it,
and once to the airport, and...
And now I'm a taxi driver.
What assholes!
People are so mean.
Wow.
-Arik,
I'm going to give you 350,000 shekels.
G reat.
-It's all I have left.
I sold my house... -Okay.
-I paid off my loans,
hired the best family lawyer in Israel.
- Excellent.
You won't regret it, Nehama.
It's like giving money to Steve Jobs
20 years ago.
I'll give you 2% of the stock.
G reat.
Arik, this isn't an investment.
Put the money in a mutual fund
and don't touch it.
Even if temptation calls, hands off.
I'll find you and kill you.
Touch that money,
you're dead meat, you hear? -Okay.
Pay me a monthly salary
out of that money
and give me a document saying I'm your VP
Financial Development in charge of customers
Why are you doing all this?
I have one last custody hearing
and I have to have a normal job.
That' s .
fraud.
Nice idea,
but what do I get out of it?
Don't you feel good about
helping a friend? -"Feel"?
"Feel" is for Sephardis.
A 2% service charge
plus bookkeeping expenses.
Hurry up,
before I realize
what a mistake this is.
Where are you, Nehama?
Where are you?
There you go!
Bam!
Bio Innovations' first deal.
Those assholes at The Marker
said Arik Cherney is dead.
You call this dead?
I don't need an energy drink
this is my energy drink!
Let's go, folks.
Go on, -Hi sit
down. Dana.
Well? -Well what?
Eden asked me to come,
so here I am.
Come on, don't make a big deal.
I'm scared red to death.
Your Honor,
my client works for
Arik Bio Innovations,
a flourishing energy drink company.
He's in a relationship with a leader
in the high-tech world, Dana Khen.
She's here today,
Dana Khen lives with him
Dana Khen has a healthy, normal,
intimate relationship with the children.
As you can see from the report by
three psychiatrists attached to this file,
he's a normal person
a benefit to society
a former paratrooper,
he fought in Lebanon,
fought in Gaza,
protected us all.
Leah Ophir, on the other hand
is an elderly woman,
she's very dear to my client
grandmother to his children,
but she's had a hard
It wasn't her choice,
but that's how it was.
She never married, she beat her late
daughter Tamar on several occasions,
I'm not blaming her,
she's had a hard life.
I'm afraid she's having
a nervous breakdown right now.
Yo mama's
having a nervous breakdown!
Your Honor.
you can see in the affidavit
of Mr. Merinsky,
owner of her local grocery store
she had a rage attack just last week,
and I quote:
"You scumbag,
the boy wants a grilled cheese,
"am I supposed to tell him
we don't have his favorite cheese?
"Who do you think you are, Boris?
Who do you think you are?
"I asked you to put it aside
and you didn't, did you?"
In our society, I don't think children
should be raised in an environment
that hates Russians.
Did you write down
what he said to me?
Your Honor, he swore in Russian.
He speaks Russian,
I don't speak their language.
He cursed me out in Russian.
"Their language," you
Israel 2018.
We're one and the same people
Ms. Ophir.
Your Honor, the stenographer,
the social workers...
My attorney asked me
to speak about my wife.
He asked me to talk about
her bouts of depression,
how she once went to India
and left me alone with the children
and came back three days later
a broken woman.
But I can't do that.
can't sully my wife's name
because although she may be dead
she's still the love of my
And I love her so much that...
even when we fought I loved her
because I knew we'd make up.
And. . .
She was the best mother in the world
she was perfect.
Much better than me.
I wasn't in her league.
Not in her league?
A different sport entirely.
But now she's dead
and I'm with them,
I'm their father
and I haven't got a clue.
Fact is, I don't know what to do.
And it's unfair to compare
a mother to a father.
A mother takes care of the kids,
their schedules,
what they do and don't do.
A father should be there,
and I'm there.
there, Shoshi,
I'm always there.
We won.
Thanks .
Pa rt 2
What's up,
Feel an epilepsy attack coming on?
-I don't have epilepsy.
Shh... don't shout.
-Two attacks isn't epilepsy.
Don't shout.
-You're freaking me out.
You're making me a cripple.
Just get me a sticker and get it over with.
Great.
Then you can stay with them
I'll be back in an hour.
No way.
I'm not their mother.
Shir.
Don't wake them up, please.
Oh, all right.
I'll babysit.
-Great.
We got much closer
staying with Grandma Leah. -Really?
Yeah, I started to imagine hiding
with them during the Holocaust,
I could do it easily.
I'd come out 5 lbs heavier.
You'd win "Outstanding Jew.
What's that?
It's...
the record of calls
from Mom's phone.
I want to see where she was
the night she died.
Dad, finding out that Mom was
somewhere won't free you from her.
Shir, I have everything I want.
You're with me,
my career is taking off,
this is my big break.
Soon I'll be making money
and we can afford a decent apartment.
Dana Khen will be back in a few days,
she and Asi Dvora are living on gas fumes.
Dad, they're getting married in Cyprus
next week. -It won't happen.
She's in the newspaper
wearing a wedding dress.
Big deal, Dana likes white clothes,
it's all a bluff.
It won't happen.
I can't seem
to enjoy anything because...
love Mom.
Even if she cheated on me
I need to know the truth,
it's the only way to let her go.
Let's say Mom lied to you,
so what?
People lie all the time.
Let's go home, Guy.
Stop playing detective.
You're turning into an obsessive nut
I know one when I see one.
Guy, I'll book you into the rehab village,
they'll pump you full of pills.
Oren, shut up!
The only reason I don't hit you is
I don't want to go onstage
with a black eye.
Oren.
You idiot, you put in
the wrong coordinates.
Oh yeah? Who was the Border Police
orienteering champ?
I double-checked the coordinates.
Oh yeah? They searched
the Hebron hills for you all night.
This is my house.
Yeah? Who got through the paratroops
by making the guys laugh?
Your house?
I'm staying in Rami Avital's Airbnb
upstairs, with the kids.
You brought us back
where I came from.
You mistyped.
This is where Tamar
spent her last night.
Here, I'm inputting it again.
They knew each other.
Tamar and Rami Avital.
How did they know each other?
I met her at the club.
She was a waitress
and he ran the bar.
Everyone was hot for her.
Son of a bitch
Oren, put the knife back.
No knives!
They say Ethiopians are sensitive.
It's not true, it's the Tasers...
Where's Rami?
Taking a dump.
Give us five minutes
alone with Rami.
Badani, out. -I asked nicely.
See you later.
- Bye.
Hey, Rami.
-What's up, Nehama?
Here to try out material?
I can ask them to call you up.
Rami, did you meet with Tamar?
Who's Tamar?
I'm calling you from her phone.
One of the Best
Well, look at that.
One of the Best.
If not THE best.
Nehama,
just let it be.
I loved her just as much as you.
-That's what bothers me.
You want the truth?
-Yes !
sure you can handle it?
You know why they call him
Dudi Coma?
Because he's in a coma?
-You know who put him in a coma?
What do you want to hear, Nehama?
She phoned after years
of not hearing from her.
At first I didn't answer,
then she insisted we meet
that night.
It had to be nighttime.
So excited you called, Strawberry.
She'd obviously been crying.
Don't call me that.
Isn't that your nickname?
Not for years and years.
What is this place?
You know something?
You're still the prettiest woman
I ever saw.
Thanks .
You live here?
No, Julia and I use
as an Airbnb.
Have a seat.
Then why meet me here?
Damn, Strawberry.
-Don't call me that.
I always hated that club.
All those "artists
who think they're hot shit.
What was the name
of that guy you married?
Tikva? No...
Nehama. -Nehama.
-Yeah.
Oh, Nehama.
came to ask you...
to let him into your club.
And give him a good slot.
He's a good kid.
Kid?
Isn't he 200 years old by now?
He can't perform at his age.
It won't work.
There are no shortcuts.
Do it for me.
For me.
If you come to the club...
can we have some fun afterwards?
No, I have cancer.
Get out. Are you joking?
Does anyone joke about cancer?
-I do.
At least six times,
before I went to Holland,
I tried to get Social Security
to pay my rent.
Well. . .
will you do it for me?
Whatever you wish.
I'll make us some coffee.
-No, no thanks. -Something...
You sure? No coffee, no tea?
-No, I gotta go. -Why?
It'll only take a sec...
-No, I really have to go.
Thanks.
Take care of him, okay?
Can I get a hug?
What for?
I'm so sad to hear you're sick.
You know how many people
lost to cancer this year?
A woman in your condition.
It's not even a question of ethics,
you have to do what you want.
You know what I want?
To gather all my kids
and sleep in one bed with them.
Drop me off, I don't have a license.
She didn't do anything.
Really, Nehama,
she was a good wife.
Another league,
you see in Dimona
not like the trash
you see here in Tel Aviv.
Bravo, Rami. You win the Emmy.
But you were in the car with her.
-What?
I saw you
in the security camera footage.
What did you do in the car?
-Nothing, I tell you.
Nothing happened, I swear!
Nothing.
You once loved me, remember?
I wanted to piss off my mom,
that's all.
Can I kiss you?
No.
Why not?
If I want to puke,
I'll do chemo.
You're the funniest, you know?
-For sure. -No, really.
You know something?
I lied.
I have a car and a license
Because of you,
I don't know if I'll get home.
I'll call an ambulance...
have to get out of here...
If Julia catches me here...
She's always threatening
to divorce me.
Strawberry, are you okay?
Are you okay?
-Yes .
I need...
I need an ambulance
on Ein HaBesor Road
by the gas station. There was
an accident, a woman's injured.
Come quick, it's urgent.
Urgent!
I made you a star
like she asked me to.
At first it was for her sake,
but then I started to like you.
You're desperate, I can relate.
Nehama, they didn't want you
on Asi Dvora's show.
I fought everyone there
to get you on.
What about Monday's pilot?
Are you with me?
Of course he's with you.
You think he'd give up his dream?
I've heard him blab on about it
since I was eight.
Get up.
That's showbiz.
You're all who res.
Wake up, Devora.
You don't throw away a career
for a girl.
Who is this Dana Khen anyway?
She's not even hot.
Revital, take my phone,
any call or message
from Dana Khen,
remember the name,
Dana Khen,
stop the shoot
and bring me the phone.
Got it.
-Thanks, hon.
She even told me
she wanted someone to argue with
just to make up afterwards.
Can you believe it?
Asi,
you've been waiting for a chance
to be on TV for years.
Well,
here it is.
Here.
Take
Thanks, bro. What is
-It'll relax you.
Relax me? Before a show?!
You're funny.
You're brilliant.
Women are mad about you.
And you have a cool dick.
It isn't big, but it's cool,
all the girls say so.
Dad was wrong.
Mom was right.
You're a star.
go, Asi.
Let's go, As
Let's go
There's a courier here for you.
-Oh, good.
Hey, hey, are you crazy,
bringing grass here?!
Don't be silly, Asi. Of course not.
I know nothing about it.
What's with you? -Don't mess with me.
-I know nothing about it.
What's wrong with him?
I ordered it for tomorrow, for the club.
What does he think it
a pizza delivery?
Thanks.
What's your problem? Give it here.
Last time you come here.
Go. I'll get your website busted
for this, mark my words.
Yo mama.
That guy...
Hold on.
Yes, Avital?
-Nehama, where are you?
We're starting in a second.
Having fun with my kids.
You haven't caught a cab?
Are you out of your mind?
Bring the kids, I'll watch them.
Avital, take your feature
and shove it up your ass
and Asi's too.
Play with it and tell
me how it felt, okay?
Really?
Wow.
What's the matter, Avital?
rouble breathing?
Want
Your injection?
Hazelnuts, macadamia nuts,
walnuts, nutmeg,
pistachios
and cashews.
We ground all that
into your grass.
Want this?
Is this what you want?
You left Tamar
to crawl on the ground and die?
Guy.
Look at my face.
On one condition, Oren.
Don't touch his hair,
don't touch his diaper,
no DNA test,
I read it could ruin his
Can I pick him up?
Of course, he's your son.
The first time I realized
I have a small dick
was when I compared mine
with my sister's.
What's funny about that?
That's not funny.
Shh... Be quiet,
Amir, Jonathan, don't wake him up.
Put him in the other room.
Look.
It's not like our old house
but it's a kickass apartment.
It's all about location.
Amazing location. -I get the room
on the right. Touch it and you die.
Got that, Amir?
Dad, what'll you do?
I' It work with Arik,
he has a great concept.
And give up comedy?
No, I think I'll perform
once in a while.
And whenever I perform,
legally speaking,
you won't be alone.
"Stand-up Factory"