Nathan for You (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Funeral Home/Burger Joint/Skydiving - full transcript

- MY NAME IS NATHAN FIELDER

AND I GRADUATED FROM ONE
OF CANADA'S TOP BUSINESS SCHOOLS

WITH REALLY GOOD GRADES.

NOW, I'M USING
MY KNOWLEDGE

TO HELP STRUGGLING
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS

MAKE IT
IN THIS COMPETITIVE WORLD.

THIS IS NATHAN FOR YOU.

OF ALL THE WAYS TO MAKE MONEY
WITH DEAD BODIES,

PERHAPS THE MOST POPULAR
IS RUNNING A FUNERAL HOME,

AND WITH PEOPLE DYING
DAILY

FROM EVERYTHING
FROM HEART ATTACKS



TO COLLAPSING
DURING A STOCK PHOTO SHOOT,

THE FUNERAL BUSINESS
HAS NEVER BEEN MORE PROFITABLE.

JUST ASK CANDY BOYD.

SHE'S BEEN RUNNING
BOYD FUNERAL HOME

IN LINWOOD, CALIFORNIA,
FOR OVER 15 YEARS,

AND TODAY,
I PAID HER A VISIT

WITH AN IDEA TO MAKE
HER BUSINESS EVEN BETTER.

UNBEKNOWNST TO CANDY,
I WENT BY THE NIGHT BEFORE

IN MY USUAL DISGUISE
TO SCOPE THINGS OUT,

BUT MY BEARD
WAS COMING LOOSE,

SO I WAS TOO AFRAID
TO GO INSIDE,

SO I ENDED UP JUST
CHECKING OUT THEIR WEBSITE

TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE BUSINESS.

SO BASICALLY,
YOUR BUSINESS IS DEATH.



- CORRECT. CORRECT.

- AND THAT MUST BE
BITTERSWEET FOR YOU.

- I MUST SAY, IT IS.

- BITTER BECAUSE PEOPLE DIE...
- RIGHT.

- AND SWEET...
- RIGHT.

- BECAUSE
YOU'RE MAKING MONEY.

- EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
- SO IT'S HARD,

BECAUSE YOU MAYBE GET EXCITED
WHEN SOMEONE DIES.

- RIGHT, EXACTLY.
- BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE,

"I'M GONNA PROFIT FROM THIS..."
- RIGHT, EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

- BUT IT'S SAD BECAUSE, "OH..."
- EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

- THEY'RE, LIKE, LOSING.

- EXACTLY.
- SO IT'S A BALANCE.

- IT'S A BALANCE.

- MONEY WAS CLEARLY
IMPORTANT TO MRS. BOYD,

AND I SAW SHE WAS MISSING OUT
ON SOME PROFITABLE SERVICES

TO OFFER HER CUSTOMERS.

THE PLAN--I WANTED HER
TO GIVE PEOPLE

THE OPTION
OF BUYING MORE FRIENDS.

- BUYING MORE FRIENDS?
- BASICALLY,

WHEN YOU DIE,
YOU WANT TO HAVE

A LOT OF PEOPLE
COME TO YOUR FUNERAL,

BECAUSE IT SHOWS
THAT YOU'RE WELL-LIKED.

- CORRECT.
- SO I THINK YOU SHOULD

GIVE PEOPLE THE OPTION
OF PAYING FOR ACTORS

TO BE FAMILY OR FRIENDS
AT A FUNERAL.

- OH, I SEE, I SEE.
- LIKE, TO FILL THE ROOM.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
- YEAH.

- AND IT COULD BE
A VERY PROFITABLE ADD-ON SERVICE

TO OFFER TO PEOPLE.
- WELL, I MEAN,

IT IS PRETTY INTERESTING.
I DON'T KNOW--

- I'D LOVE TO DEMONSTRATE
FOR YOU WHAT IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE.

- OH, SURE. THAT'D BE GREAT.

-AND MAYBE THAT WOULD
HELP SELL IT TO YOU.

- I'M NOT SAYING "NO."
LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS,

AND, YOU KNOW--

- TO DEMONSTRATE MY IDEA,

I NEEDED TO ASSEMBLE
A DREAM TEAM OF ACTORS

WHO KNOW HOW TO CONDUCT
THEMSELVES AT A FUNERAL,

SO I MET
WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL ACTORS

TO PICK OUT THE BEST.

THIS WIDOW
JUST LOST HER HUSBAND.

- OKAY.
- SO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.

- I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND.
I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS.

- AND MAYBE YOU'D HUG HER
AND KISS HER.

- PLEASE CALL ME
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

- SO YOU CAN DO
A LOT OF DIALECTS, YOU WROTE.

- YES, I PICK UP
PEOPLE'S LANGUAGES

WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.
I DON'T MEAN TO, I--

- IT SAYS "CANADIAN"
YOU CAN DO?

- CANADIAN, UM...

CANADIAN
IS A LOT LIKE BRITISH.

- I'M CANADIAN.
- ARE YOU CANADIAN?

- YEAH.
- WELL, YOU SOUND NORMAL.

- A CHILD IS RUNNING
UP AND DOWN THE AISLES

DURING THE SERVICE.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS?

- YOU ARE A LITTLE [bleep]!
JUST GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT,

OR I'M GONNA
TELL YOUR [bleep] PARENTS!

- I AM SEAN CONNERY.

I WANT A MASSAGE.

- I LIVE
UP IN THE DESERT.

- NOW THAT I HAD
SELECTED MY ACTORS,

I WANTED
TO DEMONSTRATE FOR CANDY

WHAT A FUNERAL SERVICE
WITH FAKE FAMILY AND FRIENDS

MIGHT LOOK LIKE,

SO SPENT THE NIGHT
WRITING A SCRIPT

FOR THE FUNERAL
OF A FAKE DEAD GUY

AND SENT IT
TO ALL THE ACTORS.

THE NEXT DAY,
WE ARRIVED AT THE FUNERAL HOME

REHEARSED
AND IN WARDROBE,

AND WITH THE ACTORS
IN PLACE,

IT WAS TIME
TO BRING IN MRS. BOYD.

THE WOMAN
IN THE BLACK HAT

IS THE WIDOW.
- MM-HMM, THE WIDOW.

- AND SHE HIRED
SEVEN ACTORS

TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
THAT MAN WHO JUST DIED,

WHO'S GETTING IN THE CASKET,
WAS MORE LOVED THAN HE WAS.

- OKAY.
- OKAY,

AND I THINK
WE'RE READY TO BEGIN.

- WE ARE GATHERED HERE
TODAY

TO REMEMBER
SID HOWARD DOUBLETREE,

AND IF THE ATTENDANCE TODAY
IS ANY INDICATION,

SID WAS A VERY LOVED MAN.

WOULD ANYONE
LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?

- SID WAS SUCH A GOOD GUY.

HE ONCE GAVE ME $1,000
FOR NO REASON.

I'M SO SAD.
I AM SO SAD.

I AM SO SAD.

I AM SO...SAD.

- I CAN'T HOLD
IT IN ANYMORE.

ME AND SID WERE LOVERS.

WE'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR
FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS.

- I KNEW IT!

EVERY NIGHT HE SAID HE WAS GOING
TO 7-ELEVEN, HE WAS WITH YOU!

- I'M SORRY.
- WE CANNOT BE MAD.

SID WAS CURSED...

CURSED WITH THE GIFT
OF HAVING TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.

- NOW, PLEASE JOIN ME
IN SINGING DEATH HAPPENS,

AN ORIGINAL FUNERAL SONG
BY NATHAN FIELDER,

AS YOU COME UP
TO VIEW THE BODY.

- ♪ HE'S SO SAD

♪ DEATH IS SO SAD

♪ DEATH IS SO SAD
BUT IT HAPPENS ♪

- JOHN,
YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.

YOU NEED
TO KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.

ARE YOU--YOU'RE MOVING
YOUR LEGS TOO.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD.
DO YOU--

- I DIDN'T REALIZE
I WAS MOVING IT.

I THOUGHT
I WAS ABSOLUTELY STILL, SO--

- OKAY, YOU'RE TALKING NOW.
YOU CAN'T EVEN DO ANY OF THAT.

OKAY, JUST--I NEED YOU TO BE--
I'M JUST GONNA CLOSE THIS,

BECAUSE I THINK IT'D JUST
BE BETTER FOR THE REST OF US.

♪ DEATH IS SO SAD

- ♪ DEATH IS SAD

♪ BUT IT HA-APPENS

♪ THINGS GET BETTER
FOR FRIE-IENDS ♪

SO HOW SOON DO YOU THINK
YOU'LL BE IMPLEMENTING IT?

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED A LITTLE
MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

BUT LIKE I SAID,
MORE "YES" THAN "NO."

- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU DID,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO,

BUT SOMETIMES,
WHEN I DO THESE THINGS,

PEOPLE WILL HAVE
A "THANK YOU" GIFT FOR ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU--
- OKAY, NO, I GUESS NOT.

- OKAY, WELL,
IN THESE SITUATIONS,

WE JUST HAVE
SOMETHING PREPARED.

- MM-HMM.
- SO MAYBE I COULD

GIVE IT TO YOU
AND YOU COULD HAND IT TO ME

SO IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
GIVING IT TO ME ON CAMERA.

- OKAY. OKAY.
- OKAY, SO I'LL JUST--

I'LL JUST GRAB IT.

OKAY.
- OKAY.

SO I'LL--I'LL COME IN AGAIN.
- OKAY.

- OH, HI, MRS. BOYD.
- HI. HI, HOW ARE YOU?

- HI, GREAT.
- GOOD, GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- UM, WHAT IS THIS?
- THIS IS A--

A SMALL TOKEN
OF MY APPRECIATION

FOR THE SERVICE THAT YOU
BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION.

- OH, MY GOD.
THANK YOU.

YOU REALLY
DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

- YES, WE DID.

- SCISSORS?

- MM-HMM.

- WHY DID YOU GET ME
SCISSORS?

- EVERYBODY NEEDS A PAIR
OF SCISSORS, I GUESS.

- ARE THESE USED
OR ARE THEY NEW?

- NO, THEY'RE NEW.
- OH, OKAY.

GREAT, IT WAS--
THANK YOU FOR THE SCISSORS,

AND I HOPE
YOU USE THE IDEA.

- THANK YOU.
- OKAY.

BYE.
- BYE-BYE.

- PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING
TO GET THE BEST,

SO WHY IS THE PLACE
THAT CLAIMS TO HAVE

THE BEST BURGER IN LOS ANGELES
COMPLETELY EMPTY?

GUSTAVO MUNOZ OWNS L.A. BURGER
IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA,

AND HE HAS
THE BEST BURGER IN TOWN.

- I HAVE THE BEST BURGERS
IN L.A.

- SO I PAID HIM A VISIT
WITH A WAY

TO GET EVERYONE
TO TRY HIS BURGER.

MY PLAN WAS A GUARANTEE:
TRY THE BURGER,

AND IF YOU DON'T THINK
IT'S THE BEST IN L.A.,

GUSTAVO WILL GIVE YOU
$100 CASH OF HIS OWN MONEY.

- I DON'T KNOW.

- IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT?
- IT'S THE BEST.

- OKAY, GREAT.
SO THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- WELL,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE--

- UNLESS YOUR BURGER
ISN'T THE BEST.

- UH, WELL, UM--

- WAIT,
IS YOUR BURGER THE BEST?

- OF COURSE,
IT'S THE BEST.

- 'CAUSE NO BURGER PLACE
HAS EVER MADE A CLAIM LIKE THIS,

BUT YOU CAN,
'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST.

- WELL,
IT SOUNDS GOOD.

- YEAH
- IT SOUNDS GOOD.

- GUSTAVO AGREED TO PUT UP
HIS OWN CASH FOR THE PROMOTION,

AND IT WAS
SUCH AN AMAZING OFFER,

THAT I WAS EASILY ABLE
TO LAND US

ON L.A.'S MOST LISTENED-TO
MORNING RADIO SHOW.

95.5 KLOS.

- COME OVER,
TRY OUR--OUR BURGERS.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
IT'S GONNA BE $100 BILL.

- WOW, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
- THAT'S--

THAT'S A LOT OF BALLS,
GUSTAVO...

- YEAH.
- 100 BUCKS, 'CAUSE I MEAN,

AREN'T YOU--I MEAN,
WHEN'S THIS PROMOTION HAPPENING?

- IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TODAY AT--
- TODAY?

- YEAH.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR

HOW IT TURNS OUT. OKAY.
- ALL FAITH, ALL RIGHT.

- AND I TRUST HIM,

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY
TRIED THE BURGER.

I DON'T EAT RED MEAT
RIGHT NOW.

- WHAT?
- WHAT?

- SO I MEAN,
WHEN HE SAYS IT'S THE BEST,

I--YOU KNOW,
I BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE BEST.

- OKAY.
- CAN I ASK,

HOW MANY PEOPLE
ARE LISTENING RIGHT NOW?

both: MILLIONS.
- MILLIONS?

- YEAH.
- MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

ARE LISTENING TO THIS RIGHT NOW,
GUSTAVO.

- THAT'S CRAZY.
- YEAH, THAT IS.

- LET'S GO TO FREDDY
ON LINE TWO.

HELLO, FREDDY. WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS PROMOTIONAL IDEA

THAT L.A. BURGER'S
THROWING ON.

- I THINK
IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

LET ME TELL YOU MY BACKGROUND,
FIRST OF ALL--

- WELL, I--WHO CARES
ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND, FREDDY?

ALL RIGHT, NEXT CALLER, PLEASE.

- STEVE ON LINE TWO.
HELLO, STEVE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS IDEA?

- WELL, I ADMIRE, YOU KNOW,
HIM STANDING BY HIS PRODUCT,

BUT I THINK
THAT SOMEBODY CAN BE DISHONEST

AND LIE ABOUT THE BURGER.
THEY CAN JUST SAY, "YOU KNOW,

I'VE HAD OTHER BURGERS
I THINK ARE BETTER."

- I COULD SEE THAT GUSTAVO
WAS GETTING NERVOUS

DURING THE RADIO SHOW,

SO AFTER,
I HAD A TALK WITH HIM.

- SO I SAW YOU WERE
A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS IN THERE.

- UM, A LITTLE.

- WELL, I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE
A STRESSFUL EXPERIENCE FOR YOU,

SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
EVEN THOUGH IT'S UNLIKELY

I THINK PEOPLE
WILL CLAIM THE $100,

I'LL PERSONALLY PUT UP
MY OWN MONEY IF THEY DO,

BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE
I TRUST YOU

WHEN YOU SAY IT'S THE BEST.
IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT?

- IT IS THE BEST, YES.

- SO WE WON'T
BE PAYING A LOT.

- WE'RE NOT GONNA PAY
THAT MUCH MONEY...AT ALL.

- OKAY, SO NO RISK ON YOU,
IT'S ALL ON ME.

- NOW I'M A BIT NERVOUS.

THE RADIO SHOW APPEARANCE
SEEMED TO WORK,

BECAUSE WHEN WE GOT
BACK TO L.A. BURGER,

THERE WAS A LINE
AROUND THE BLOCK.

HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
- YEAH, IT'S VERY GOOD, YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO COOK SOME BURGERS.

- OKAY.
- AND WITH GUSTAVO ON THE GRILL,

I GOT THE CROWD PUMPED

FOR THE BEST BURGER EXPERIENCE
THEY'VE EVER HAD.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO L.A. BURGER.

THE PROMOTION
IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.

AND AFTER A COUPLE PEOPLE
BOUGHT BURGERS,

IT SEEMED LIKE GUSTAVO
WAS RIGHT.

- UH, I LISTENED TO KLOS THIS
MORNING TO HEIDI AND FRANK,

BUT IT'S A GOOD BURGER, YEAH.
IT'S EXCELLENT. I LIKE IT.

- CAME IN HERE
AND HAD ONE,

BEST BURGER IN L.A.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- I WAS HAPPY TO SEE
SOME PEOPLE WERE BEING HONEST

ABOUT LIKING THE BURGER,
BUT I SUSPECTED

OTHERS WERE LYING
JUST TO GET THE MONEY.

- I MEAN, I'M NOT A FAN
OF MUSTARD AND KETCHUP.

I THINK THEY SHOULD LEAVE THAT
TO MCDONALD'S, YOU KNOW?

- IT'S LEAVING
THAT AFTERTASTE IN MY MOUTH.

I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I'M GONNA GO HOME,

AND I'M GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH
TO TRY TO GET IT OUT,

BECAUSE
IT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL.

- WELL,
THE BEST WAY TO TELL

IF SOMEONE
DOESN'T LIKE SOMETHING

IS BY LOOKING AT THEIR FACE
WHEN THEY TAKE A BITE.

- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT HAMBURGER, MAN.

THAT IS GOOD.

- WOW, DO YOU WANT $100
OR AN ACADEMY AWARD?

- $100.

- I THOUGHT SOME PEOPLE
MIGHT BE DISHONEST,

SO I BROUGHT HOLY BOOKS
FROM EVERY MAJOR RELIGION

TO BE SURE PEOPLE WERE
TELLING THE TRUTH.

- I DO NOT THINK THIS IS
THE BEST BURGER IN L.A.

- I DID NOT LIKE THE BURGER,
I SOLEMNLY SWEAR.

- NO, I DON'T LIKE THE BURGER.
- OKAY.

- WHOO, ANYBODY GOT
SOME TOOTHPASTE, OR SOMETHING?

SHOOT.
- BUT STILL,

IT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP,
AND BY LATE IN THE AFTERNOON,

I WAS PAYING OUT TONS AND TONS
AND TONS OF MY OWN MONEY.

I JUST COULDN'T TELL
WHO WAS LYING,

AND WHEN I TRIED TO QUESTION
PEOPLE, THEY GOT UNRULY.

- DUDE, I'LL CALL A LAWYER
RIGHT NOW

IF YOU'RE SAYING
I'M [bleep] LYING.

- YEAH,
BUT WHY ARE YOU SO MAD?

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE SAYING
I'M LYING.

IT'S NOT THE GREATEST
DAMN BURGER IN THE WORLD,

OR IN L.A.

- THE ONLY WAY TO CALM THE MOB
WAS TO PAY THEM OUT.

I'M A FRUGAL GUY,
SO THIS WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME.

- THIS IS MY SECOND BURGER.
IT'S GOOD, LIKE--

- YOUR SECOND BURGER?
- WHOA HO HO HO!

- THE SECOND?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WAIT, TIME OUT.
- SECOND BURGER?

- SECOND BURGER.
- IT'S GOOD.

- AND BY THE END
OF THE AFTERNOON,

I WAS DOING WHATEVER I COULD
TO HOLD ONTO MY MONEY.

- THE BURGERS, WELL, DID NOT
REALLY SATISFY MY TASTES,

AND I HADN'T EVEN
HAD BREAKFAST.

- IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT
WHERE IF WE GIVE YOU THE $100,

WE MIGHT HAVE TO START
CUTTING STAFF,

AND RAQUEL WOULD BE
THE FIRST TO GO.

- WHO'S RAQUEL?

- SHE WORKS
IN THE KITCHEN.

- OH, NO.
- SO YEAH,

HERE'S YOUR $100 EACH.
HERE YOU GO.

- IT WAS REALLY BAD.
- YEAH.

- OH, HEY, RAQUEL.
WERE YOU JUST WALKING OUT HERE?

- YEAH.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- UH, RAQUEL,

THE PROMOTION IS COSTING US
MORE THAN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD,

SO WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO LET YOU GO.

- IT'S NOT FAIR.

- IT'S FINE.
HAVE YOUR MONEY. HERE.

- NO, IT'S OKAY. REALLY,
- SHE'S WAITING AROUND. I MEAN--

- I MEAN, NO THE TRUTH IS--
THE TRUTH IS, I MEAN,

IF IT'S GONNA GET LIKE THIS,
IT'S NOT REALLY WORTH IT.

- DO YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE IT BACK?

YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

- YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH IT?

- WE'RE GONNA KEEP YOU AROUND.
- THANKS.

- THANKS.
THANK--THANK THEM.

THAT WAS NICE OF YOU GUYS.
- YEAH.

THANKS SO MUCH.
YOU GUYS ARE GENEROUS.

- NO PROBLEM.

- BY THE END OF THE DAY,

THE CUSTOMERS LEFT HAPPY,

AND GUSTAVO SOLD
A LOT OF BURGERS.

IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYONE
CAME OUT A WINNER,

EXCEPT FOR ME.

HOW WAS IT TODAY?

- GOOD. IT WAS GOOD.

- THAT WAS BRUTAL
FOR ME.

- REALLY?

- I LOST $6,000.

- $6,000?

- YEAH, OF MY OWN MONEY,
FROM PAYING PEOPLE.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN A LOT OF MONEY,
BUT THEN AGAIN,

IT WAS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY
TO SEE GUSTAVO SMILE.

COMING UP, THOUGH,
I RISK LOSING SOMETHING

EVEN MORE PRECIOUS THAN MONEY--
MY LIFE.

- SOMETIMES,
IF WE'RE HELPING A BUSINESS,

IT'S IMPORTANT TO EXPERIENCE
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A CUSTOMER,

AND ONCE IN A WHILE,

THAT CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE
IS PRETTY RAD.

SCOTT SMITH RUNS SKYDIVE PERRIS
IN PERRIS, CALIFORNIA,

AND THOUGH
HE LOVES TO FALL, ONE THING

HE DOESN'T WANT TO FALL
IS HIS PROFITS.

- IT'D BE NICER TO HAVE
A LITTLE BIT MORE CONSISTENCY

IN TERMS OF THE BUSINESS LEVEL
THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.

- SKYDIVING IS SO SWEET,
AND I WAS STOKED

TO PAY HIM A VISIT
TO HELP HIS BUSINESS OUT.

HEY.
- HI. YOU MUST BE NATHAN.

- YEAH.
- SCOTT SMITH. NICE TO MEET YOU.

- GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.

SKYDIVING, I MEAN...
- MM-HMM.

- THAT'S A COOL BUSINESS.
LIKE, REALLY,

THAT'S SWEET,
SO TELL ME ABOUT THAT.

- WELL, SKYDIVING,
IT'S OUR BUSINESS HERE,

BUT IT'S ALSO OUR PASSION.

- I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO DO,
LIKE, A JUMP,

TO GET A BETTER SENSE
OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE,

BUT MOSTLY JUST TO,
YOU KNOW, LIKE,

ROCK AND ROLL AND STUFF.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- YEAH, JUST, LIKE,
GET OUT THERE.

- EXCELLENT. WELL,
WE GOT SOME PAPERWORK

YOU GOTTA FILL OUT FIRST.
- ALL RIGHT, SWEET, MAN.

- LET'S DO IT, MAN.
- I WAS PUMPED

FOR MY FIRST SKYDIVE,
AND THIS WOULD REALLY GIVE ME

A GOOD SENSE
OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE

AT SKYDIVE PERRIS,
BUT MOSTLY,

I JUST WANTED TO GET
ON OUT THERE AND EAT SOME WIND.

SO HOW HIGH ARE WE GOING,
LIKE 500 FEET?

- UH, NO, WE'RE GOING
TO 12,500 FEET.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT
HIGHER THAN THAT.

LET ME--LET ME--
TELL YOU WHAT, LET ME

GET THIS ADJUSTED
FOR YOU HERE.

- OH, COOL.
IT WAS TIME

FOR SOME BALLS-TO-THE-WALL
RISK-TAKING FUN,

AND EVEN THOUGH THIS JUMP
WOULD BE A CINCH FOR ME,

I WAS STILL SUPER STOKED.

- WHOO!

- BUT I'M SUPPOSED--

I THINK--

I TOTALLY FORGOT I HAD
LUNCH PLANS WITH MY FRIEND,

WHICH WAS TERRIBLE SCHEDULING
ON MY PART.

REGARDLESS,
I COULDN'T DO THE JUMP,

OR I'D KEEP
MY FRIEND WAITING.

SORRY, I-I SHOULD HAVE
THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE

AND EVERYTHING, I'M JUST
SUPPOSED TO MEET, UH, MY FRIEND.

- OKAY. IT'S OKAY.
- IT'S EMBARRASSING,

'CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE AN EXCUSE,
OR LIKE I'M--YOU KNOW,

AN EXCUSE FOR CHICKENING OUT,
BUT I DIDN'T.

- OKAY. OKAY.
- WHAT? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

- YEAH, OKAY-- I WOULD--
I'M NOT LAUGHING.

- I'M REALLY
MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH.

- OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE--

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
THOUGH.

- I...
IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOES IT?

NO, YOU'RE MEETING--
- WELL, COME, COME.

I'LL--LIKE, I'LL--
- OKAY.

- YOU CAN MEET HIM.
- OKAY.

- I REALLY WANTED TO JUMP.
IT SUCKS.

- OH, WE'LL JUST GO BACK
AND DO IT ANOTHER TIME.

- YEAH, DEFINITELY.

WEARING A SEAT BELT?
- YEAH.

- WHEN WE ARRIVED
AT THE RESTAURANT

WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET
MY FRIEND,

IT SEEMED LIKE
HE WAS RUNNING LATE.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

BUT THEN I SPOTTED HIM...

THERE HE IS.

LATE AS USUAL.
HEY!

HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- HOW'S IT GOING?

- HOW'S IT GOING?

- HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?
- UH--

- I NEED YOU TO PRETEND
TO BE MY FRIEND.

I CAN PAY YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE $40?

- OKAY.
- IS THAT OKAY?

- SURE.
- I FORGOT

THAT I OWED MY FRIEND $40,

SO THE FIRST THING I DID
WAS PAY HIM BACK.

- SO WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
- NATHAN.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT YOU
CONVINCE HIM YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY? ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- WHAT'S UP, BUD?

- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AWHILE.
- ALL RIGHT.

- DON'T ACT TOO--
YOU'RE OVERACTING.

THIS IS SCOTT.

- I MEAN, THE MAIN REASON
I WANTED YOU GUYS TO CHAT

IS BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH
PRETTY INTO SKYDIVING, SO--

- YEAH.

OKAY.

- DO YOU EVER
SEE HIM AROUND, OR--

- WHAT'S THAT? UM...

- OH, REALLY?
- YEAH.

OH, OKAY.

- BUT YOU DID IT A BUNCH
IN GERMANY, RIGHT?

ISN'T THAT
WHERE YOU DID IT MOST?

- MM-HMM.

- WELL,
SCOTT MET MY FRIEND,

SO NOW HE KNEW THAT
WHAT I WAS SAYING IN THE PLANE

WASN'T AN EXCUSE
FOR CHICKENING OUT,

SO WE HEADED IN THE DINER

WHERE I GOT TO CATCH UP
WITH MY OLD PAL.

- TELL SCOTT THE STORY OF
WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

IT'S A FUNNY STORY--
TO YOUR PARENTS.

I MEAN,
IT WAS AWKWARD, BUT--

- UM, WHEN I
CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET, UM--

- AFTER WE WERE DONE
WITH LUNCH,

SCOTT ASKED ME IF I WANTED
TO GO BACK AND DO THE JUMP,

NOW THAT I WAS FREE.

MY ANSWER--HELL, YEAH.

SO WE DROVE BACK
TO SKYDIVE PERRIS,

SUITED UP AGAIN,
AND HEADED ON THAT PLANE.

♪ LOOKING OUT FOR MORE

I WAS SUPER STOKED.

FINALLY, I'D BE ABLE
TO EAT SOME SKY.

♪ I START A HOLY WAR

ONCE I GOT TO THE EDGE,
THERE WAS NO HESITATION.

"THREE, TWO, ONE,"
AND I WAS GONE.

WAIT. WAIT.

♪ HOW LONG I GOTTA WAIT FOR--
WAIT FOR YOU? ♪

IT FELT SO GOOD
TO FINALLY JUMP.

MAN, WHAT A THRILL.

BEING UP THERE WITH THE BIRDS--
SO PURE.

IN THE END, I REALIZED
THAT SKYDIVE PERRIS

DIDN'T NEED MY ADVICE,
BECAUSE THEIR BUSINESS

IS ALL ABOUT GIVING PEOPLE
A REAL EXPERIENCE,

AND IT DOESN'T GET
MUCH REALER THAN THIS.

- AB-SO-LUTELY.