Naked Attraction (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Chris & Louise - full transcript

27-year-old former club rep Chris should be many women's dream catch, being good-looking, toned and well-hung. Technophobe care worker Louise, also 27, is looking to meet an old fashioned gentleman to sweep her off her feet.

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When it comes to looking for love
we've all been caught out

by fancy filters and exaggerated
online profiles. We have a more

instinctive way to find love.
Tonight, an aviation student,

a gas engineer, and a veterinary
nurse are stripping bare

to attract the perfect partner.

All right, all right, all right.

Because we like to start where a
good date ends...

Fantastic. It's a penis and it's
in my face.

..naked.

Hell, yeah!

I'm loving this.

Can picking a partner based solely
on natural beauty...

Give me a little wiggle..
Oh, blimey.

..help you find the one?

Do you look at that and think
'I want to get the helmet on and

I want to explore'?

When we're entirely unfiltered...

What do you do with a
guiche piercing?

I think you just lick it.

..what do men and women really
find attractive?

I'm actually still a virgin.

We're looking for a third partner.

This is a Naked Attraction first.

Let's find out by dating in reverse.

You're going to have to say
goodbye to one of them.

Um. Oh. Can I keep them all, now?

Not on this show.

This, is Naked Attraction.

Welcome to Naked Attraction,
the dating show where nobody

minds getting caught with
their pants down.

Inside each of these six pods I've
lined up a naked singleton.

Only one of them will be picked
to go on a date.

But who's doing the choosing?

I'm Chris, I'm 27 years old,

and for six years I lived and worked
around Europe as a club rep.

Club reps, everyone thinks they're
just out there for sunshine,

drinking, and shagging.

You know, yeah, all right, I have
done... I done some of those things.

I've been on top of bars naked and
skinny dipping and all that

I'm not adverse to at all.

The trouble is, you get to a certain
point, where you realise

you've got to start
growing up a bit.

I think one of the main epiphany
moments was looking around

and seeing reps of 40 odd years old
still doing the same thing

and trying to hit on the young
girls and I thought,

I don't want that to be me.

A complete change of lifestyle for
me now, you know moving back

to London, getting myself a real job
and sort of growing up.

The icing on the cake would to
be to meet someone.

I'm looking for, somebody that
would share my interests,

you know be fun and spontaneous
enough to go on holiday

at the drop of a hat,
but also someone that I can curl up,

watch some bad TV with and get a
big pizza to be honest.

So Chris, welcome to the show.
Thank you very much.

Now listen, you have been a club
rep for six years,

what was that life like?

Because, I mean, you must've
seen some action?

Yeah, I mean, when I first
started doing it I'd come out

of a really long relationship so it
was an escape at the beginning.

It was definitely
Sun, Sea, Sex and Sand.

Amazing. Oh, yes.
Why are you single?

Dating massively changed from when
I've been over there

to when I come back. OK.

There's no, it's not physical any
more it's all texting and

apps and there's always something
better around the corner.

It's not, it's not a nice state
of affairs.

Why do you want to pick a
girl naked?

It gets it out the way, and you
haven't got no nasty surprises.

Spend, spend three months courting
and then, you know,

you see each other naked and she's
like 'Oh, God, what's that',

or... Yeah. You know, you don't like
the look of that it's...

We've all been there. Yep.
OK, are you ready to play the game?

Yeah, I'm buzzing.
All right, Chris.

Inside each of these coloured pods,
we have a naked lady just for you.

Fantastic. Each of them has an
attribute that you have said

that you find really attractive,
OK. OK.

We're going to reveal them
bit by bit.

All you've got to do is whittle them
down from six to one,

and take one girl on a date. All
I've got to do(!)

You make it sound so easy.

Yeah, I know, are you ready to see
the lower half of the bodies? Yeah.

Where do I start? Oh, my God.

I mean I've not been in this
situation before.

What even as a club rep you've not,
you've not seen six vaginas

staring you in the face? I mean, I
mean, I can't say it was

any of the party games that
we used to run no,

you know, like guess the vagina.
No, it's not.

Which vagina would you like to take
a closer look at first of all?

So I've got a lot of tattoos so I'm
going to drag you over here

first of all. You'll drag me
over to Pink.

Absolutely fantastic,
love the tattoos.

I've got strange ones but I mean
they're very quirky,

they're very different.
Moving on.

Orange, this one's Orange,
is that right?

Yeah, this is Orange. Yeah it's
very, very tidy. No pubic hair.

It's nice to be looked after so..
Yeah.

So you don't want it to be
absolutely everywhere,

especially if you're engaging in
some sort of amorous activities.

It's not nice to be flossing
your teeth with... No.

Nah. Are we talking oral sex?

We're definitely talking oral
sex, yeah.

Do you rate yourself as a bit
of an oral pleaser?

Well, I've never had any complaints.
That means nothing love.

Let's move on to Blue.

So it's not always tucked in, but
they're not always like that.

Nice legs. OK so, Yellow.

Looking at the vagina,
what are we thinking?

Very, very tidy.

To be honest even from here

looks like she's got
a fantastic bottom.

That you can see the arse cheeks,
you're getting very excited there.

Yeah I'm jumping the gun,
can you blame me?

Well, no, I mean look you know,
if you're faced with six vaginas

then, you know, you're going to be
like a kid in a candy shop. OK.

Red. Very tidy, difference,
and a bit of..

Yeah, but she's got pubic hair,
none of the other girls have.

Yeah, but, that's obviously well
looked after. I mean, she doesn't

just leave it to, to roam free.

The lawn mower's definitely
come out there.

LAUGHTER

Let's have a look at Green.

What about legs?

Lovely thigh gap there,
which is nice, yeah. Thigh gap.

So that little triangle at the top
of the thigh, why is that important?

To be honest it's just something
that, that I like the look of.

It's... it's nice.

A thigh gap is the little triangle
formed by the tops of both legs,

just beneath the vagina, and they're
quite desirable among ladies.

They can give the illusion of
slimmer legs, and in a recent survey

40% of women said having on would
make them feel more body confident.

Girls, the bad news is, unless you
have one, you probably never will.

It's down to genetics, a wider
pelvis and hips are what make

it possible, not exercise and diet.

OK, now Chris. Oh, no.

You've seen half of the best bits.

Who would you like to say
goodbye to?

Can I close my eyes, spin around and
then just point at one at random.

That is so club rep, no.

I think I'll say goodbye to the Red.
Why Red?

I like things kept tidy, and
although that is tidy,

she has got a bit more pubic hair
than everyone else,

I'm less drawn to Red. So this, is
the very lovely Sarah Jane,

a 25-year-old social worker,
from Edinburgh.

Hello, come down love.

Hello darling, you all right. You
OK? Yeah, not so OK now.

What are you thinking?

Gutted mate,
that's what you're thinking.

Yes, you took the words out of my
mouth I'm absolutely gutted. Gutted.

Take you and your perfect bosoms.

Oh, fantastic. Thank you my love,
it's not a date.

It was a bit disappointing to go
away on the first round.

He was a good looking man,
but it's his loss, shall we say.

We are left with five
gorgeous women.

Are you ready to see the next
part of the bodies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

Can we reveal the middle part of
the bodies, please?

I'm just in awe a little bit
here, to be honest.

Do you want to drink it in a bit?
No, I'm going to come over to..

To Pink. Pink over here,
because of the tattoos again.

Absolutely crazy here
what's going on?

What about the boobs? Yeah,
brilliant,

it looks like you've had them done,
because they're very...

Yeah, I'm right? OK. Yeah.

Have you experienced fake
boobs before? Yes. Are you a fan?

I wasn't years and years ago,
when I was much younger.

I think it's come along a long way.

Moving on, Orange.

I mean what,
what would I do with those.

If I put my head down I'd
probably lose it.

Absolutely fantastic.

Big ones are great,

they look like they'd be quite a
bit of fun so that's...

OK, so you can play all day
with those. Yep, yeah.

What about Blue? Yeah, lovely, so
I'd say just, just a handful.

You know they say more than a
handful's a waste. OK.

Where else have we not, OK, Green.

We haven't been over to Green.

Pleasing to the eye Chris?
Yes, fantastic, cracking.

She's got almost a little bit of a
six pack going on there.

Yeah. So athletic girl? Yeah.

Do you need a girl that's got a
little bit of energy?

I think, I think it's important
isn't it? A little bit of stamina.

Yeah, yeah, stamina, yeah. OK, it is
time Chris, to make a decision.

Which colour are you going to lose?

I'm going to go with Blue.
Blue! Why Blue?

The other girls have
slightly fuller boobs.

OK, Chris,
this lovely lady in blue is Liz,

she is a 32-year-old project
manager, from Northampton.

Hi, Liz. How you doing babe,
you all right?

You don't get to hug. I'm good.

I haven't got the biggest boobs
ever but, you know,

I've got a cracking arse and you
missed out on that, so...

You have got a cracking arse.
Thank you so much my love.

Have a lovely night. Thank you.
See you later, love.

There you go. I'm feeling
really good.

I didn't give him a hug on the way
out, I gave Anna a hug.

No, he wants a hug, he has to pick
me for a date doesn't he.

Coming up, Chris bares all before
choosing who to date.

Err...

And a brand-new singleton gets to
pick a partner

based on naked attraction.

I think I'm a bit speechless.

Earlier, former club rep Chris
whittled six women

down to four based on naked
attraction alone.

He can only choose one girl to go on
that date, so who will he lose next?

So Chris, remind me again,
why is that you're here?

So I spent a lot of years abroad,

sort of as a club rep and doing all
those sort of things.

Come back to England last year and
yeah, I'd like to settle down,

it's not the easiest thing to do.

So you want to meet a nice girl.
Yeah, I'd love to, to be honest.

Well, let's see if we can help you
out, because in this round

you get to see the girl's faces,
and more importantly, my love...

They get to see me.
Yeah. Yeah.

Can we see the girl's faces please?

Oh, fantastic.

All very, very pretty.

Who's drawing your eye first?

Probably yellow, she's giving me a
very cheeky,

a cheeky little grin there.

She's definitely working
it isn't she?

Beautiful dark, deep eyes.

Does it matter to you about the
colour of the eyes? No, see, colour

is not important. I think, it sounds
cliche, doesn't it? But you,

you look into someone through their
eyes, don't you? Of course you do.

Go over here...

Beautiful blond hair, lovely smile.

Very, very nice. Oh, wow, yeah. And
very kind eyes.

Yeah. Like, blue, bright.

Really, really nice. We don't often
talk about noses, actually.

OK. Are noses important to you?

Yeah. How do you feel about a girl's
nose?

As long as it's smaller than
mine I'm happy.

The interesting thing about fellas'
noses is on average they're

about 10% bigger than a girl's nose.

OK.

So, I think you're going to be
all right, you're going to be fine.

Yeah, definitely.

The difference in size between men
and women's noses begins

during puberty.

As men develop lean muscle mass,
a larger nose is needed to

inhale more oxygen to feed the
energy-hungry muscles.

No wonder our Neanderthal ancestors
had such big hooters.

Without them their muscly bodies
would have suffered,

making survival in their loin
cloths that little bit harder.

Pink? Yeah, very cheeky smile.

You look like you'd be a bit
mischievous, to be honest.

Yeah, that, that all day long.
Bang in trouble mate, so.

Oh, have you got a
piercing on your tongue?

That I didn't notice,
well done, yeah.

Is that a first for you,
a pierced tongue?

No. Can you feel it? Does it feel?

I know what you're going to ask now.

You know what I'm going to ask.
Yeah, go on.

What's it like, I mean, if she sort
of goes down on you,

can you feel it?

Depends if she's good at
what she does.

Are you good what you do?

HE LAUGHS

Shall we have a look at green?

Yeah, look beaming, absolutely
beaming, really pretty smile.

You're killing me, absolutely
killing me, you really are.

OK, here you go,
four gorgeous girls,

you're going to have to say
goodbye to one of them.

Which colour?

I'm going to go with...

..green, I think.

With green!

Why green?

I feel like she might be
slightly taller than me.

If she has to wear flat shoes and I
have to put heels on then it

might be an issue. Yeah, that's a
downside.

So Chris, this is Charlotte,

a 30-year-old equine veterinary
nurse, from Kent.

Sorry, darling.

Can I have? Yeah, see I got a cuddle
from this one, fantastic.

So you're a rider, and it obviously
really works out your core,

and your legs. Definitely, yep.

I'm afraid you're not going to be
riding Chris tonight.

Charlotte, thank you very much
indeed for taking part.

No problem. Thank you very much.

There you go, look, you see,
look at that.

I think I'm a bit gutted
not to be chosen,

I think we all want to be the
last man standing.

It actually was really good fun,
yeah.

I didn't really have any qualms
about being naked.

And now we have three.

This is where you get to hear what
they sound like, Chris.

I might get to work out where
they're from then as well, won't I?

Yeah, you will.

Possibly, I'm quite good with
accents.

So, Chris used to be a club rep,

and when he was he used to like to
show off his chest.

What part of your body would you
like to show off and why?

Orange.

I think I would like to show
off my boobs more,

just because they're big.

Yeah, I mean,
totally agree with that.

But what do you think of
Orange's voice?

Bubbly northern girl,
nice soft voice, so yeah.

So possibly north of the
Watford Gap.

Yeah, yeah, north of the river.

OK, yellow.

I'd say my eye lashes,
because I like to flirt.

Oh, I love a good flirt to
be fair as well.

Pitch and tone, do you like the
fact, has she got that sort

voice that you like?

Yeah, she looks like butter wouldn't
melt, and normally that means

that, on the other end of things,
I'd get in trouble.

Yeah, OK, so what about pink?

I would say my smile,

because you can kind of get to know
someone with their smile.

Yeah, yeah, OK, I haven't got a
Scooby where that's from.

No, me neither, actually.

It's middle somewhere isn't it?

Not, not up, not middle, I'd say a
little bit below the Midlands.

OK, based on what you've seen and
what you've heard,

who would you like to say
goodbye to?

I'm going to have to say...

..Orange, Anna.

Orange, OK.

Why?

She's north, I'm south,
long distance is difficult.

Chris, you are saying goodbye
to Abby.

She's a 25-year-old receptionist
from Doncaster.

Hello darling, you all right?

Absolutely gutted.

I do get the long distance
relationship.

Yeah. That is a big part of me
as well, so.

So, Abby, I am really, really sorry
but it ain't a date.

But thank you very much. Thank you,
good luck. Cheers, thank you.

Bye-bye. I was really anxious about
coming here.

I thought that I was going to be
going out first,

because I'm curvy and I thought the
other girls are thinner than me.

I'm so proud of myself for just,
just doing it, really.

So, we've got pink,
we've got yellow.

They're both stunning girls.

I know, yeah, massively.

Now, shortly you're going to have
to make a decision,

but not before the girls get to see
you, with your kit off.

Are you ready for this? Yeah.

All right off you go,
get your shirt off.

That way.

Based on naked attraction, Chris has
whittled six girls down to two.

27-year-old model Mariaca,
and 20-year-old dancer Shauna.

But he can only choose one girl to
go on that date to find out

if there's chemistry when the
clothes go on.

So Mariaca, Shauna,
how are you feeling? Shauna?

I'm quite, like, surprised that I'm,

with Mariaca like in the last round,
so I'm quite happy.

How about you, then, Mariaca?

Did you think you'd get this far?

Never, ever.

Come on! Why? You're stunning,
why would you think that?

You're both gorgeous.

I prefer her boobs.

Really? 100%, I want a boob job.

OK, Mariaca,
what do you want of Shauna's?

I want her hair.

So up until this point,
he's seen you guys naked,

now it's our turn,
to get the revenge.

Are you ready? BOTH: Yeah.

Shall we see him without his kit on.

Yes, please do.

Christopher.

Wow.

Nervous, now. Feeling a little bit
exposed?

Yeah a bit, yeah.

Girls, what are making of
Christopher?

I love his body.

I really like a muscly man,
big chest and big shoulders.

Mariaca?

I love the tattoos.

So, amazing tats.

There is the elephant in the room
that we've not discussed.

That's packing a punch, isn't it?

It looks like it could be a grower.

It's fairly well just there, anyway.

Yeah. Mariaca?

Very, very nice.

There you go.

OK, Chris, tonight you're going to
be dating just one of these girls.

You have Shauna, you have Mariaca.

Who's your girl?

Oh, fucking hell.

I think I'm going to have to go
with...

Shauna, Anna.

Shauna, Mariaca!

It is what it is.

It is what it is.

So sorry.

Give each other a hug.
Come on give us a cuddle.

Nice to meet you, darling. You too.
Thank you for taking part.

I'm sorry, but it isn't a
date with Chris.

See you later. Bye!
See you later. See you later.

It is disappointing, the fact that
you've come this far,

he could have just chose me.

He seems like a lovely guy.

Guys, you two are a couple.

Shauna, meet Chris.

Not yet. Chris, meet Shauna.

No not yet, that's it, how you
doing? I'm good thank you.

What're you thinking, are you happy?
Oh, I'm made up, I'm made up.

She is absolutely stunning.

Right up my street really,
massively,

you are gorgeous, darling, so.

Well, listen do you know what?

The next time you guys see each
other, it is with your clothes.

We'll have some clothes on, yeah.
See you later.

Bye. See ya. Bye Shauna, bye Chris.

He's definitely cheeky,
and that's 100% my type,

so I'm excited to see
where the date ends.

Happy as Larry.

If things go well then I'd love the
night to end with a cheeky

kiss, but, you know,
only time will tell.

Hey, babe, you all right?
Hiya, you all right?

You look wonderful.

Yeah? I think you look better.

I still fancy her 100%.
She's... yeah, she's gorgeous.

I felt like you was going
to go for that other girl,
cos she had tattoos.

What made you choose me
over her, then?

I could see how nice your bum
was from the front, which... So...

..which just said to me,
I was like, "wow". So.

It's going really well.
He's really attractive,

and I wouldn't have thought
someone like that would go for me.

You are, like, my type to a T.

OK, well, that's... that's
always a plus. Yeah.

I mean, you nearly killed me off
when you said,
"I hope he's a grower."

I was like, "Oh no."
I couldn't believe that.

Like that... that line
almost killed me.

VOICEOVER: She's laughing,
the body language looks good.

So far, it all seems positive,
but I could be completely wrong.

She could think I'm a right
dickhead, so you never know.

So what do you want to do?

I think I need a cocktail.
Yeah? Come on, then. Let's go. OK.

Do you kiss on the first date?

I definitely want to kiss you,
I think.

I've never kissed on a first
date, so... No? Sorry.

I'm gonna get pretty
mugged off here, aren't I?

Well you've already seen me
naked, so that's enough!

Give me a high five for that.
I like that, brilliant.

VOICEOVER: It's been really fun.

He's got a bit of banter, which
I like, which I find attractive.

He seems like a really nice person.

I expected it to be more
awkward than it was.

It's been really relaxed
and really nice.

She's... yeah, a quality girl,
I had a lot of fun.

It's all right,
I'm not letting this go.

Let's get her home!

Hey, babe, are you all right?
Hi, you all right? Yeah.

How are you doing?

Better now you're here.

There was definitely a bit
of romance that night.

I got a kiss, in the end.

I had to have a few drinks
before I kissed him.

Have you guys spent the night
together?

We've spent a couple of nights
together, haven't we?

Yeah, yeah, we've spent
a few together now.

Chris, is Shauna girlfriend
material?

Yeah, she would be.

The first time I saw you, I was...
I was blown away. Yeah.

And we get on well, so,
I mean, I've...

I think everything so far
has been really, really good.

I would say he's boyfriend material.
I think so.

Yeah, we'd make pretty babies,
wouldn't we, eh?

Can I get a kiss this time or not?

Yeah.

Yes!

Welcome back to Naked Attraction,

the dating show where clothes
are strictly off limits.

No ifs, no buts,
apart from actual butts.

There's plenty of them.

My name's Louise. I'm 27,
and I live in High Wycombe.

I'm really into my
old classic romantic novels.

All the Jane Austens
and the Bronte sisters.

I've always had a thing for
Colin Firth in Pride And Prejudice,

you know, the Mr Darcy Colin Firth.

I work as a care worker,
so I work with a lot of old people.

Back in their day,
they were courted, they were wooed,

and I wish it was like that now.

The problem is, I'm not going to
meet Mr Right

hanging out with pensioners.

They are great fun
to be around though.

I'm not your typical Millennial.

This is my phone. There's no
Internet, no apps. I don't care.

I like my phone.
It does what I need it to do.

Where am I going wrong, Jen?

I think the problem is, Louise,

you're not up to date
with technology.

Everyone's using
social media nowadays

and she's just stuck in the past.

I think Naked Attraction's
the perfect way to meet someone,

not hiding behind a smartphone
or your trendy clothes.

I'm hoping that behind one of
the pods I might find my Mr Darcy.

So, Louise, hello. Hello!

Welcome to the show. Thank you.

How are you?

Excited, nervous.

OK, so I think it's fair to say,

you haven't exactly embraced
the modern way of dating, have you?

No, not at all.

So you haven't got a smartphone?

No, I've still got a record player.

So, you're quite old-fashioned then?

Yeah, so I'm looking for Mr Darcy.
I love my Jane Austen.

Someone who is a gentleman,
that will open doors for me

and treat me right
and make me feel special.

OK, come on then.

Inside of each of these
six coloured pods

is a lovely naked man just for you.
Woohoo!

Each of them has an attribute that
you've told us you find attractive.

We are going to reveal them
bit by bit.

All you've got to is find your Mr
Darcy using naked attraction alone,

and just whittle them down
from six to one.

Shall we see... Oh!
..the bottom half of the bodies?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Ooh...

SHE LAUGHS

I think I'm a bit speechless.

They all look pretty good,
to be honest.

They're all looking good. Can I take
them all on a date, is that allowed?

Well, could be illegal.
So, who's drawing your eye?

Pink.

Why pink?

He's got quite a nice shape to him.

He's stood quite strong.

Are you into legs?

Yeah, I had an ex tell me once
that he really liked my legs,

they're really solid,
they're like tree trunks.

So, I think I like a guy
that's got bigger legs than me.

Can I just say?
That's why he's an ex. Yes, yeah.

What about the willy?

Yeah, it's a nice willy.

I think if they're too big
it can be quite intimidating,

but it's a nice size.

Where would you like to go next?

Green.
Again he seems quite confident,

but his legs are probably slightly
smaller than I would like.

I don't know, I feel like they're
a similar size to mine.

OK. Quite a sizeable penis, that.

Yeah.

How did you feel about
no pubic hair?

I don't want someone necessarily
shaved because of me,

but, yeah, if that's how they're
most comfortable then that's fine.

Shall we go have a look at red then?
Yeah.

Oh, that's a chunky thigh.
Come on, Louise. Yep.

Maybe he's shorter than the others.

I prefer someone taller than me.
Especially..

Well, you're quite tall.

Yeah. Again, he's got quite
a nice looking penis, yes.

Do you think that red
could be a grower?

It's difficult to tell, isn't it?

Someone I used to live with
was very small flaccid

but when he was erect
he was really big.

I was like, "Wow, how did that
come from that?"

Wow. This is just a flatmate?

Someone I lived with, yeah,
so, yeah.

Quite a strict interview process
that you put him through there.

Do you know, I have something
very handy here. A-ha!

It's the Naked... the Naked
Attraction penis ruler. Brilliant.

The average penis in the UK
is only around 3.6 inches,

and they grow by about a third.

So, red, if you wouldn't mind
taking the ruler please,

and placing it against your Johnson.

He's definitely pulling it down
but he is...

We're talking three and half there,
Red. Bang on average.

Nice try with the four inches.

He might grow to five.

OK, let me, ah, do that.

Where shall we go now?

?

How do you feel about his legs?

Nice size to them.
Yeah, that's good.

What about the penis?
Yeah, it's a good size.

I'm quite scared by blue.

It is a little bit intimidating.

God, do you think you could you
handle it? I don't know.

Do you want to fling
the ruler in there?

Go on, then.

Oh, Louise, that's coming in
at a five.

Wow. Right.

Orange.

Yeah, he's got lovely legs.

Power stance. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, he's strong and confident.

So, it is time to make a decision.

It's really hard.

I think it's going to
have to be green.

Just cos of the size of his thighs.

That's a shame.
Shall we find out who green is?

Yeah.

Louise, Mr Green is...

..Alex and he is a 24-year-old
window cleaner from Sheffield.

Oh, wow and he's gorgeous.

He is as well. Hello.

Are you a little bit gutted to have
gone out in the first round?

Yeah, I am but someone's got to go
first, haven't they?

I know, he's a good looking fellow
as well. He's... You're stunning.

No, what have I done? I'm so sorry.
It's just not going to be.

But thank you very much indeed.

Thank you very much.
Bye-bye. Bye, Alex.

What have I done?

I've been brought up with
old-fashioned family values

and I would think of myself
as a hopeless romantic

but I'm probably more just hopeless.

We are left with five guys
to choose from.

Now, going to get more exciting
because this is where we get

to see the middle part of the body.

So, are you into a good chest, abs?
Yeah.

Shall we find out? Yes.

Yep, they all look
pretty strong to me.

Wow.

Who do you want to go and see first?

Red.

What do you think of his chest?

It's nice, he's not kind of,
too in-your-face abs,

but, yeah, looks like he does
look after himself.

Who next then?

Blue, I think.

Again, he looks like he
looks after himself, yeah.

Just not sure about the tattoos.

A woman who's pulled
someone's arm off.

Yeah, I'm not sure if I like that.
Right.

Who next then?

The lovely orange.

He's just big and strong.

I think he might be a little bit
older than some of the bods in pods.

Yeah, no,
I think you're right there.

How important is age to you?

I've dated quite a few guys
that are younger and foreplay,

"What, what is that word?
I don't, I don't know."

Just straight in. Yeah.

A minute at best.

A recent survey found that
nearly two thirds of women

say older men are better lovers
in the bedroom.

Some studies suggest that
this could be because they're more

secure and experienced, and as they
may take longer to become aroused,

they're more likely to
indulge in longer foreplay.

Have a good look at all the boys.

You have to make a decision.

Oh, this is so hard.

Which colour would you
like to say goodbye to?

Um, I think it's going to
have to be blue.

Blue? Yeah.

Tell me, what was it then
about blue?

I didn't want to have to be
staring at a gorgeous

zombie girl on his side.

Yeah, right, Louise.

This is Jordan, and he is a
22-year-old decorator from London.

Hello. Sorry.

There's quite a height difference.

You're diminutive and yet massive.

Congratulations on that.
Thank you very much.

But I'm afraid, Jordan,
just you're going to have to take

you and your enormous penis
through there.

I will do. It's goodnight. Thank
you very much. Sorry. All right.

That's brought a tear to my eye.

She complimented
my penis quite a lot.

That's a good compliment
for any man.

Coming up, Louise bares all
before choosing who to date.

I really don't know.

Earlier, Pride And Prejudice
fan Louise whittled her six

potential Mr Darcys down to four,
based on naked attraction.

She can only choose one guy
to go on that date,

so who will she lose next?

You are a traditional girl in
a way, aren't you?

Yeah.

What do your family think
about you doing this?

My mum's really excited.

She phoned me up this morning and
she was just like,

"I'm so excited for you."

Go, Mum,
she sounds like my kind of girl.

That's absolutely...
Yeah, you'd love her.

Now this round is absolutely crucial
because this is where you get

to see the boys' faces for
the first time.

Are you ready, Louise?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

They're all lovely.

Shall we go and see orange?

We did think that orange
might be older.

Yeah.
And we were right.

He's got a nice face,
trying to hide a grin I think,

but bright eyes.

A mature, refined gentleman.

Yeah.

Let's go to yellow.

Very sweet face and quite
nice big eyes.

I think he's trying not to
give too much away.

So kind of a bit of a mystery.

Yeah.

Let's go for red.

Red?

He's got a twinkle in his eye,
nice colour eyes as well.

He just looks... You look cheeky.

A cheeky glint and a sense of
humour can get you a long way.

Nearly a quarter of women think a
sense of humour is more

attractive in a man
than good looks.

That might explain why Russell Brand
does so well with the ladies.

So pink,
what do you think of his face?

He's got a nice face.

Have you got blue eyes?
Yeah, nice eyes.

Lovely eyes. Yeah.

OK, so it is time to make a
decision.

I don't like this bit. I know.

I think maybe yellow.

Mystery's nice but I like
someone more open.

Fair enough, so you,
you're looking for...

Give more away.
..maybe more of an open book.

Yeah.

Well, Louise,
you are saying goodbye to Pritom,

and he is a 27-year-old, get this,
inventor from Birmingham.

What? Wow.
Pritom come and say hello to us.

Hello.

The man's got brains and looks.

Good game, best of luck.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, he's lovely.

She had that impression that
I'm mysterious,

but it's part of my nature,
and that's what makes me who I am.

We have three gentlemen left.

This is the round where you get to
hear their voices.

OK.

So, gentlemen,

Louise often wishes that she was a
little bit sexier.

What do you think is the sexiest
thing about you?

Let's go for pink.

I think the sexiest thing about
me is my smile,

because it shows my
happy personality.

That's a nice voice,
not too high pitched, not too deep.

So could he be Mr Darcy...

From Manchester.
..from the north?

Maybe.

Orange, what's the sexiest thing
about you?

My silver fox look

and my bum.

Yay.

Shall we do red? Yes.

I've been told it's my eyes, because
they're quite bright green in

the summer, and as winter comes they
tend to go more of a browny colour.

Wow. Kind of like a gecko.

Yeah. Wow.

That's quite cool.

OK, so you've heard the boys,

you've seen the boys,

who would you like to say
goodbye to?

I don't know, I really don't know.

Possibly red.

And it's not on the voice either,
he seems a bit shorter.

So again for you,
height is quite important.

Yeah, yeah.

Louise, this is the lovely Daniel

and he is a 24-year-old
groundsman from Tenby.

Hello.

Sorry.

So Louise was saying,
gorgeous, just for her,

because she's quite tall in heels.
Yeah, you are quite tall.

Yeah. I'm only 5'5", so...

Thank you so much, Daniel.

That's fine. Cheers, guys.

I found that getting naked is
actually not as bad as I

thought it would be, I thought it
would be quite awkward,

but it was actually really good.

I'll definitely start being naked
more often now.

Two chaps remaining.

Yeah.

The next round, Louise,

is where they get to see you with
your clothes off.

Yeah.

Are you OK with that?

I thought I'd be OK, I'm a bit
nervous now.

Yeah, I'm afraid it's time to get
the party dress off,

off you go, lady. Thank you.

Based on naked attraction, Louise
has whittled six guys down to two.

29-year-old gas engineer Stefan,

and 41-year-old sales
consultant Mark.

But only one can go on a date to
find out if there's chemistry

when the clothes go on.

Stefan, Mark, our two Mr Darcys.

Stefan,
were you expecting to get here?

No, I thought I'd be out
first round.

No! Yeah.

And how about you, Mark?

Surprised, but
now I'm here, I'm glad.

Anything you like on Stefan that,
that you're a bit like,

"I wish I could have had that."

I like his pecs.

OK, so, Stefan, if you were
to look at Mark,

what are you admiring in terms of
the competition?

Well, he's looking in pretty
damn good shape so,

I hope when I get to that age...

He's only 41!

OK, so here you are,

only one of you can go on that date.

But before Louise decides,
you guys get to see her

without her clothes on.

OK, Louise. Come on out, my love.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

Take your glasses off for us,
just for one second.

Stunning girl,
Stefan, what do you think?

Looking good, yeah,
can we get a twirl?

Very beautiful.

Aww, thank you.

Put my glasses back on so I
can see you again.

Is there anything specifically
that you're admiring?

The thighs, nice thighs, yeah.

Yeah, good strong thighs.

Not like tree trunks, I hope.

No, definitely not.

How do you feel about the fact that
she's got pubic hair?

Are you OK with that?

Yeah, I'm fine with that,
as long as it's not crazy bush,

which it's not, so...

You can manage with,
with the uncrazy bush.

Mark, are you all right with
pubic hair?

Cos you don't see it
often these days.

No, everything's all in proportion,
got no qualms.

No qualms, I like that.

I've got no qualms.

What do you like about your body?

I quite like my lower legs,
I think they've got quite a nice

shape to them, and I think my boobs
have quite a nice size.

Yeah, yeah.

Very perfect in every way.

Aww, thank you.

OK, it is the moment of truth.

So you have Stefan, you have Mark.

Oh, no, can I take them both?

No, I can't take them both.

You're both lovely.

I really don't know.

I might have to say Stefan.

Just because my mum was probably
going to absolutely love you,

and you might run off with her.

Mark, how do you feel?

Gutted. Sorry.

You were lovely.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Mark.

The reason why she didn't pick me
was because she thought that

I might run away with her mum.

You know, by all means, if her mum
wants to get in touch with me,

then feel free to come and
say hello to me.

Stefan, Louise, come on in.

Hi!

You are officially a couple.

Are you pleased, Stefan?

How are you feeling?
Yeah, I'm happy, yeah, happy.

You're happy.

Next time you see each other,
it's going to be with your clothes

back on, so let's see whether there
is the chemistry

when you get your kit on.

OK, enjoy yourselves,
have an amazing date, see you later.

See you.

I've come away
confident as hell because

I didn't think I was best
looking guy there,

my willy had all shrivelled up, so I
was the smallest guy there for sure.

And because I've won it now, no-one
can say nothing, can they, really?

I'm super excited for later.

I'm hoping he's my Mr Darcy.
We'll find out.

I don't know who Mr Darcy is.

Is it Pride And Prejudice
or something?

Yeah? I've never seen any of it,
so...

Nice to see you clothed.

Yeah, nice to see you with some
clothes on, yeah.

Yeah.

I was worried what he might look
like with clothes on.

Like is he going to rock up
in a tracksuit?

But he looks great clothed,

so, yeah, I'm happy.

What did you think when
I came out naked?

What was that like?
Oh, I liked it.

He's a strong silent
type, definitely.

I'm just hoping I can get him to
open up a bit more

and maybe have a few shots.

I don't want to do all the talking.

I think the date's going quite
well, yeah.

It doesn't seem quite as awkward as
some dates I've had before.

Nah, she's nice, she looks good,
it's going well.

How do you think the date is going?

Yeah, it's going good,
I'm enjoying myself.

You're just not very chatty, so...

No, well, I'm never very chatty
on a first date.

No?

So I'm glad you like to talk
because you're saving me.

Saving you from your silence.

Yeah. Gosh.

So have you watched any period
dramas or is that

not really your thing?

I ain't seen none of it.

Oh!

I don't know what it is.

I'm sorry.

So I should have been googling
Mr Darcy and everything or

whatever, shouldn't I?

Yeah. Yeah, so sorry about that,

that's the only thing you wanted

that I don't have. Shocking.

I'm obviously after someone who can
treat me right. Are you...

..are you a gent?

I'm a gent,
I'll send you some flowers and...

Oh, will you?

..buy you some chocolates.

Yeah, of course. Oh, nice.

I don't think anyone's ever
bought me flowers.

If you hold the door open for me...

Oh, yeah,
I'll put your coat on for you.

I haven't got one, but thanks.

It's definitely a lot better now
that he's opened up more.

There's been a bit more flirting
between us, a bit more banter,

so I'm hoping that the rest of the
evening goes that way.

It's looking good.

Have you finished your drink?
Yeah, I'm good.

Do you want to go elsewhere?

Come on, then, let's go. Let's go.

I thought we were going OK, but now
I think it's going pretty great,

because she's just made it obvious
she's into me. So it's going good.

How about a cheers?

Cheers.

With kisses?

Do you want a kiss?

You all right? Hi.

There you are, for you.
Aww, thanks.

Oh, they smell gorgeous.

Louise, you were looking for
Mr Darcy,

so was he a gent?

He was.

We've met up with each other again,
which is always a good sign.

Yeah.

And what happened after the date?

We went to a hotel,
made a cup of tea,

put my nightgown on and
went to bed.

Yeah.

Mm.

Yep, yep.

Totally.

So will you see each other again?

Yeah.

Nah.

Not interested.

You're horrible.

Yeah, we'll see each other again.

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