NYPD Blue (1993–2005): Season 7, Episode 13 - The Irvin Files - full transcript

YOO‐HOO.

AH, THIS IS GOING TO BE
AN ART THEFT?

IT’S NOT
THE FRAME’S FAULT.

ARE YOU A MEMBER

OF THE ART FRAME
DEFENSE LEAGUE?

Man: MORNING.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE OWNER GAVE ME THIS.
HE COULDN’T STICK AROUND.

IS THAT SO?

WHAT, DID HE HAVE
A SQUASH APPOINTMENT?

"I NEED A DRINK
SOMEPLACE



WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO LOOK
AT ALL THESE EMPTY FRAMES."

GIVE ME A BREAK.

OH.

I DEFINITELY UNDERSTAND WHY
THEY DIDN’T TAKE THIS ONE.

THIS ASSHOLE
TELL YOU WHEN HE WAS

GOING TO GET AROUND
TO TALKING TO US?

THE GIRL SAID
SHE’D BRING HIM IN.

I AM STARTING
TO TAKE A BURN AT YOU.

OVER WHAT?

OVER YOU
DISPENSE INFORMATION

IN DRIPS AND DRABS
LIKE A LEAKY FAUCET.

THE GIRL’S NAME’S
NIKKI CAMERON.

THE OWNER’S NAME’S
NOEL BELLER.

AND NIKKI CAMERON
IS TO NOEL BELLER WHAT?



SHE STOOD HERE
CONSOLING HIM.

I WAS FIRST ON THE SCENE.
I DIDN’T DO AN INTERVIEW.

THIS BEAT‐UP DOOR ‐‐

ENLIGHTEN ME WHY IT’S
SMASHED UP ON BOTH SIDES.

YOU KNOW, THE OUTSIDE’S
SMASHED UP.

THAT’S THE PERPETRATORS
FORCING ENTRY.

BEATING UP THE INSIDE,
MAYBE YOU ALREADY HAD ACCESS,

AND YOU’RE SCREWING UP
A TRY AT A MISDIRECT.

MAYBE YOU’RE A NOVICE
OR A BONEHEAD OR AMATEUR THIEF.

HOW MANY BELTS
DID IT LOOK LIKE

IT WAS GOING TO TAKE
THIS GUY TO EVEN OUT?

I WOULDN’T SEE HIM
ON A BENDER.

ANYBODY ELSE RETURNS HERE,
TRY AND PERSUADE THEM TO STAY.

MAY I HELP YOU?

MY WIFE IS MISSING.

DETECTIVE MEDAVOY
CAN SEE YOU.

YEAH.

IT’S ABOUT
A MISSING PERSON.

YVETTE GUNTHER ‐‐
MY WIFE ‐‐

SHE DIDN’T COME HOME
YESTERDAY.

UH, WELL, LET’S, UH,
GO IN HERE

WHERE WE CAN ALL
SIT DOWN.

I‐I DIDN’T CATCH
YOUR NAME.

I’M DWIGHT GUNTHER.

THIS WAY.

THAT’S MY PARTNER
DETECTIVE JONES.

MY WIFE HAD A TICKET
TO FLY TO ST. AUGUSTINE

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON,
NON‐REFUNDABLE.

SHE WAS PACKED AND WENT OUT
TO RUN SOME ERRANDS.

I WENT TO WORK,

AND I LEFT A MESSAGE
FOR HER TO CALL ME

BEFORE SHE LEFT
FOR THE AIRPORT,

BUT SHE NEVER CALLED.
I CAME HOME LAST NIGHT.

HER LUGGAGE AND THE TICKET
WERE STILL THERE.

THERE WASN’T ANY SIGN
SHE’D EVER COME BACK.

HUH!

YEAH, SHE’S 53, 5’2".

HERE’S A PICTURE
AND A DESCRIPTION.

I RAN THESE OFF
IN A KINKO’S.

I POSTED SOME
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

YOU WERE VERY ACTIVE
BEFORE COMING IN.

YOUR WIFE GOT
ANY MEDICAL CONDITION?

NO.

WERE YOU HAVING
DOMESTIC PROBLEMS?

I GOT ON HER NERVES
A LITTLE,

BUT THAT’S HOW IT GOES
WHEN YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED

30 YEARS.

MAYBE I’M A LITTLE SLOPPY
OR I’M LATE

OR I’M A PROCRASTINATOR

OR WHATEVER
THE COMPLAINT IS,

BUT WE DIDN’T HAVE
ANY BIG BLOWUP.

SHE’S NEVER DONE ANYTHING
LIKE THIS BEFORE.

WHAT KIND OF ERRANDS
WAS SHE GOING TO RUN?

I DIDN’T ASK.

AND WHAT WAS THE TRIP
TO ST. AUGUSTINE FOR?

TO PUT OUR VACATION HOUSE
ON THE MARKET.

SHE WAS GOING TO
PACK OUR THINGS.

DID YOUR WIFE EVER TALK
ABOUT DOING AWAY WITH HERSELF?

NOT TO ME.

AHEM. WHAT KIND OF WORK
YOU IN, MR. GUNTHER?

I HAVE A SMALL
MANUFACTURING COMPANY

OVER IN BROOKLYN.
WE MAKE LAMPSHADES.

YOU GOT ANY ENEMIES?
NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

IS THERE A CHANCE
THAT, UH,

YOUR WIFE COULD HAVE BEEN
INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

I’D SAY NO,
THOUGH I SUPPOSE

IT’S ALWAYS
A POSSIBILITY.

WELL, WE’LL, UH,
CERTAINLY PUT THIS

IN THE HANDS
OF MISSING PERSONS,

AND, UH, WE’LL OPEN
A FILE ON IT OURSELVES

BASED ON THIS
THOROUGH INFORMATION

YOU’VE PROVIDED, UH,
WITH THESE FLIERS

FROM KINKO’S.

ALL RIGHT.

WE’LL ALL HOPE
FOR THE BEST.

THANK YOU.

SHALL I SHOW MYSELF OUT?

YEAH, SURE. GO AHEAD.

I THINK WE NOW KNOW,
BALDWIN,

HOW A MALE RESIDENT
OF MARS

WOULD REPORT
HIS WIFE MISSING.

Man: THIS IS WHERE
WE’RE GOING?

Woman: SIT THERE, NOEL.

MY HEART IS GOING
LIKE CRAZY.

SIT DOWN.

CAN I HELP YOU?

I’M NIKKI CAMERON,
A FRIEND OF MR. BELLER’S.

I’M SO SORRY
ABOUT YOUR COLLECTION.

IT’S VERY CONSIDERATE
OF YOU TO SAY.

DETECTIVE,
THIS IS MR. BELLER.

HOW’S IT GOING?

HOW’S IT GOING?

MR. BELLER’S
ART COLLECTION

WAS STOLEN.

IT’S MY CASE.

IF IT’S YOUR CASE,

AND YOU KNOW THAT
THE COLLECTION’S BEEN STOLEN,

WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME,
"HOW ARE THINGS GOING?"

EITHER OF YOU HAS A GUN,
FEEL FREE TO SHOOT ME.

I MEANT IT LIKE "HELLO."

THANK YOU.

AHEM.

MY PARTNER DANNY SORENSON.
DON’T ASK HOW IT’S GOING.

HI.

MR. BELLER, WHO HAD
HIS ART COLLECTION STOLEN.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOT THAT YOU HAD IT STOLEN.
NOW THIS IS GOING TO BE A PIP.

WHO WOULD YOU BE?

NIKKI CAMERON.
I’VE BEEN VISITING MR. BELLER.

WHERE FROM?

SANTA MONICA...CALIFORNIA.

I’VE BEEN PREPARING AN ARTICLE
ON MR. BELLER’S COLLECTION.

YOU MIGHT CALL IT
"OBJETS COLLECTED WITH LOVE,

"AND I’D LIKE TO THINK
SOME AMOUNT OF DISCERNMENT

GONE FOREVER FROM
NOEL BELLER’S POSSESSION."

DON’T TAKE
A DEFEATIST TONE.

WHAT ALL DID YOU LOSE?

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD,
WHAT ALL I LOST WAS A MONDRIAN

APPRAISED AT
$4 MILLION 7 YEARS AGO.

WITH THE ARRIVISTE
INTERNET MONEY

BLOATING THE MARKET,

IT WOULD BRING
THREE TIMES THAT TODAY.

YEAH, WELL,
EVIDENTLY NOT TO ME.

AND I ALSO LOST
AN ARTHUR DOVE WATERCOLOR

AND A STUART DAVIS GOUACHE
AND SOME GIACOMETTI DRAWINGS.

THANK GOD AT LEAST
THEY WERE ALL INSURED.

NOT THAT THAT CAN COMPENSATE
FOR THE EMOTIONAL DEVASTATION.

THESE ARE THINGS I’VE HAD
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

I ALSO LOST
ALL MY JEWELRY ‐‐

DIAMOND RING,
DIAMOND CUFF LINKS.

ALL OF IT’S GOING TO
END UP IN SOME PAWN SHOP.

KEEPING SOME DRUG ADDICT
IN HEROIN.

YOUR DOOR LOCKS.

YOU COULD SEE
WHERE THE BURGLAR

PUSHED THE DOOR OPEN.

YOU COULD SEE
THE DAMAGE HE DID.

SOMEBODY BEAT THE DOOR.
WHO ELSE HAS KEYS?

NO ONE. I LIVE ALONE.

YOU GOT A SET
FOR FRIENDS?

NO, NOR DO MR. BELLER’S
FRIENDS TAKE THAT AMISS.

MY COUSIN MOVED TO EUROPE
ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

HE HAD A SET.

WE’LL NEED THAT NAME.

HE WOULD NEVER DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

THIS IS EVAN?

JUST DON’T
MAKE IT SOUND

LIKE I WAS
ACCUSING HIM.

HIS NAME IS EVAN SIBLEY,

AND I’LL GET YOU
HIS PHONE NUMBER IN PARIS.

EVAN COMMITTING A BURGLARY,
THAT’S COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE.

ANYONE ANGRY AT YOU?

ONLY THOSE I CHOOSE
TO BE DISAGREEABLE TO.

AHEM. BUSINESS DISPUTES
WITH ANYONE?

Nikki: MR. BELLER
DOESN’T HAVE ANY BUSINESS

TO BE DISPUTATIOUS ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU DO
WITH YOURSELF?

I HAVE MY INTERESTS,
LITTLE ROUTINES.

ANY PHOTOS
OF THESE ARTWORKS?

PHOTOGRAPHS WERE TAKEN
FOR THE INSURANCE POLICY.

DID YOU BRING THOSE IN?

AH! I’M A DOLT.

I’M INCAPABLE RIGHT NOW
OF A COGENT ACT.

I’LL SEE THAT
YOU GET THE PHOTOS

AND A LIST OF POSSESSIONS
THAT WERE TAKEN.

GOOD. THANKS VERY MUCH.

ARE YOU STAYING
AT MR. BELLER’S PLACE?

NO, THE ESSEX HOUSE.

ALONE?

YES. WHY?

JUST TO MAKE SURE
THE ROOM’S IN YOUR NAME.

ANYWAYS, OUR JOB’S
GOT TASK FORCE DETECTIVES

THAT SPECIALIZE
IN THIS TYPE OF CRIME.

WE’LL BE STAYING
IN TOUCH WITH YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

SORRY YOU LOST
ALL YOUR ART.

YOU MIGHT HAVE COMMISERATED
BY OFFERING ME

SOME SORT OF BEVERAGE.

YOU WANT A BEVERAGE?

NO, NOT NOW.

HOW ABOUT A CUP
OF LIQUID DRANO?

THAT WOULDN’T BE
THE FIRST TOXIC CHEMICAL

HE’S INGESTED TODAY.

THE MONDRIAN’S
WORTH A LOT OF MONEY.

THE DOVE’S
A MINOR PIECE.

THE DAVIS
IS A MINOR PIECE.

THE GIACOMETTI DRAWINGS
ARE DECENT.

SOMEONE HAD KEYS
TO THIS GUY’S PLACE.

Andy: KNOCKED OFF
THE DOORKNOBS

TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
A BREAK‐IN,

BUT IT WAS THE INSIDE
DOORKNOB THEY BANGED AROUND.

WHAT ABOUT BELLER?

HE’S A SOCIAL‐TYPE
DOUCHE BAG.

YOU SEE HIM IN PARTY PHOTOS
IN THEM SOCIETY MAGAZINES.

EVER HEAR
HE’S GOT MONEY PROBLEMS?

NO, HE’S SUPPOSED
TO BE LOADED.

I THINK HIS GRANDFATHER
MADE TOILET BOWLS OR SOMETHING.

YOU’LL NOTIFY THE GUILDS?

AND THE FBI AND INTERPOL,

AND I HAVE EARS
WITH A FEW CRIMINAL RECEIVERS.

THANKS A LOT
FOR COMING IN, WALLY.

YOU TOOK WEIGHT OFF,
DIDN’T YOU?

A FEW POUNDS.

MY VACATION,
I’M GOING ON A RUTHLESS

EXERCISE AND DIET REGIME.

WHEN’S THAT COMING UP?

JUNE 14, PAL.
10 WEEKS AND COUNTING.

WHY?

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GO
FOR INCOME TAX DAY.

WAIT TILL YOU HIT 35

AND YOUR METABOLISM
SLOWS DOWN.

WALLY CAN’T SEE 35 NO MORE
IN HIS REAR‐VIEW MIRROR.

PEOPLE START TO DIET WHEN
THEIR STOMACHS STICK OUT FARTHER

THAN THEIR DICKY‐DOO.

AHEM. THIS, UH, COUSIN

THAT HAD A SET OF KEYS
TO THE PLACE...

EVAN SIBLEY.

THAT BELLER THINKS
IS IN PARIS.

WE CALL. 2‐WEEK‐OLD MESSAGE
ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE

SAYS HE’S IN NEW YORK.

WE GOT A PLACE FOR HIM?

HE’S STAYING WITH FRIENDS
IN THE VILLAGE.

THAT’S PROBABLY WORTH
AN UNANNOUNCED APPEARANCE.

I WOULDN’T BE GIVING HIM
ANY NOTICE.

John: MAY I HELP YOU?

AHEM.

THAT’S BELLER’S FRIEND?

YEAH ‐‐ NIKKI CAMERON.

WE LIKE HER?

SHE SHOWS UP IN TOWN
AND THE GUY GETS ROBBED.

I’LL GO TALK TO HER.

FIND OUT WHERE SHE
GOT THEM LONG LEGS.

YOU DON’T WANT TO
TALK TO HER?

IF SHE’S GOING TO
TRY TO WORK SOMETHING,

SHE’S GOING TO DO IT
WITH HIM.

HOW’S IT GOING,
MISS CAMERON?

HI.

PERMIT ME TO IMMEDIATELY
OFFER YOU A BEVERAGE.

I’M NOT A STICKLER
THE WAY NOEL IS.

WHY DON’T WE TALK
IN OUR REFRESHMENT AREA,

WHERE BESIDES COFFEE,
WE’VE ALSO GOT SODA

AND BOTTLED WATER
AND FOOD THAT’S BEEN

LEFT IN OUR REFRIGERATOR
PERIODS UP TO SEVERAL WEEKS.

I WISH I COULD SAY I’D NEVER
HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

FOOD LEFT TO SPOIL
IN THE FRIDGE ‐‐

THE UNIVERSAL SIN
OF SINGLE PEOPLE.

DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,
A SPRITE?

THERE’S AN UPSET.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU WANTING A SPRITE.

OH.

YOU REMEMBER TOM CRUISE
IN "COCKTAIL,"

THE WAY HE’D THROW
THAT DRINK OVER HIS SHOULDER

BEFORE HE POURED IT?

YEAH.

YOU WANT ME
TO DO THAT FOR YOU?

I THINK IT MIGHT SPRAY.

I’LL JUST OPEN IT UP
AND POUR.

PLEASE DON’T SUSPECT ME
BECAUSE I’M NERVOUS.

OKAY.

OKAY.

WHY DON’T YOU
HAVE A SEAT?

IF NOEL FEELS
YOU’VE OVERSTEPPED,

HE CAN BE VINDICTIVE,

AND I’M NOT IN A POSITION
AT THE MOMENT

WHERE THAT WOULD BE
VERY GOOD FOR ME.

THAT’S WHAT
I’M NERVOUS ABOUT.

YOU CAN BEAT YOUR NERVES.
JUST SAY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND.

HA. YOU MAKE LIFE
SOUND VERY SIMPLE.

EVAN SIBLEY ‐‐
NOEL’S COUSIN IN PARIS...

THAT HAD THE EXTRA SET
OF KEYS

TO MR. BELLER’S APARTMENT.

EVAN THAT HAD
THE EXTRA SET OF KEYS ‐‐

HE’S IN NEW YORK.

IS THAT RIGHT?

AND HE HAS BEEN
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

AFTER WE LEFT, I SUGGESTED
TO NOEL THAT HE CALL EVAN

TO FIND OUT IF EVAN
HAD LOST THE KEYS

OR FOR WHATEVER REASON.
I MEAN, WHY NOT CALL HIM?

SURE.

AND NOEL WOULDN’T,

AND SO WHEN NOEL
WAS IN THE KITCHEN,

I CALLED EVAN’S NUMBER,

AND HIS MESSAGE MACHINE
SAID THAT FROM MARCH 12th

HE WAS GOING TO BE
IN NEW YORK CITY.

DID YOU FEEL HE KNEW
HIS COUSIN WAS IN TOWN?

I HAD THAT FEELING.

HOW DID YOU
KNOW THAT?

ANYWAYS, WE MADE THAT
PHONE CALL TO PARIS,

ALSO, MISS CAMERON.
WE KNOW HE’S IN TOWN,

AND WE’RE GOING TO SEE
IF WE CAN TALK TO MR. SIBLEY.

ALL RIGHT.
THAT’S GREAT,

BECAUSE THE BIG THING
FOR ME,

WHOEVER DID THIS,

I DON’T NEED NOEL
ANGRY AT ME.

OR HE WON’T LET YOU DO
THE ART MAGAZINE ARTICLE.

WHICH WOULD BE MY FIRST.

I’M A BIT OF A HANGER‐ON
AT THE MOMENT, DETECTIVE.

AT THIS POINT, MY BIGGEST
ACCOMPLISHMENT IN LIFE

IS HAVING PARENTS
WHO SENT ME TO VASSAR.

HOW ABOUT IF MR. BELLER
STOLE THE PAINTINGS HIMSELF

AND HE’S TRYING
TO FRAME HIS COUSIN?

THEN YOU COULD SELL
YOUR ARTICLE

TO PEOPLE MAGAZINE.

I DON’T KNOW IF THAT
WOULD BE THE EXACT VENUE,

BUT THE PIECE WOULD HAVE
A LARGER AUDIENCE.

I APPRECIATE YOU COMING IN
WITH THIS INFORMATION.

THANKS FOR THE SPRITE.

WELL, WHY DON’T YOU
TAKE IT WITH YOU?

NO, THANKS.

ALL RIGHT,
I’LL WALK YOU OUT.

YOU WERE RIGHT
ABOUT THE UPSET.

THAT’S THE FIRST SPRITE

I DRANK SINCE I WAS
A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL,

AND IF YOU ASKED WHY,
I COULDN’T TELL YOU.

AHEM. HAVE THEY GOT
A NEW AD CAMPAIGN?

MAYBE THAT’S IT.

SO, YOU’RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE, ARE YOU,

IN TERMS OF LEAVING
OUR FAIR CITY?

NO, I’LL BE AROUND.

GOOD. THAT’S GREAT.

BYE.

SHE’S GOT SOMETHING
TO DO WITH IT.

MAYBE YOU COULD FIND OUT
OVER A BANANA SPLIT

AT RUMPELSTILSKIN’S.

THAT’S RIGHT NEAR
THE ESSEX HOUSE, AIN’T IT?

RUMPELMAYER’S.

THAT PINK DOPEY PLACE
WITH ALL THE ICE CREAM.

I READ ABOUT RUMPELMAYER’S

IN THE FIRST BOOK
I BOUGHT ABOUT NEW YORK.

WHEN EACH OF MY SISTERS
TURNED 10,

I TOOK THEM THERE
FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

I HEARD IT’S VERY NICE.

SO SHOULD WE MAKE
OUR UNANNOUNCED VISIT

TO THIS EVAN SIBLEY?

YEAH, WE’LL JUST
GIVE HER A CHANCE

TO CLEAR THE BUILDING
BEFORE WE GO.

HOW YOU DOING?

THIS YVETTE GUNTHER
LISTED MISSING

ON THE LIGHT POLE FLIERS ‐‐

MENTION OF A REWARD?

YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT HER WHEREABOUTS?

WELL, I RENTED A CAR
TO A DWIGHT GUNTHER

YESTERDAY THAT BEHAVED
PRETTY STRANGE.

IS THAT SO?

YEAH. OH, UH...

THAT’S ME ‐‐

RANDALL DIXON,
RELIANCE AUTO RENTAL.

BALDWIN JONES.
I’M A DETECTIVE HERE.

COME ON IN, MR. DIXON.

WHERE IT’S GOT "REWARD" ‐‐
WHO IS IT OFFERING THAT?

HERE,
RIGHT STRAIGHT AHEAD.

Baldwin: HEY, GREG.
RANDALL DIXON,

THIS IS MY PARTNER
DETECTIVE MEDAVOY.

YEAH, HOW’S IT GOING,
RANDALL?

WHERE IT SAYS "REWARD,"
WHO IS OFFERING THAT?

MR. DIXON SAID
HE RENTED A CAR

TO MR. GUNTHER
YESTERDAY...

STATION WAGON.

AND THAT MR. GUNTHER
WAS BEHAVING STRANGE.

AH, STRANGE, EH?

UM...

IN WHAT WAY?

PUT ME THROUGH
ANY AMOUNT OF HASSLE

ON THE R. A. RIGHT OUT
ON THE STREET.

THE R. A.?

THE RENTAL AGREEMENT
ON THE STATION WAGON.

DEMANDED I GIVE HIM
A DISCOUNT.

WANTED THE 7‐DAY DISCOUNT,

BUT HE ORDERED THE CAR
THAT MORNING.

I SAID
HE COULDN’T HAVE IT.

HE SAYS,
"TAKE THE WAGON BACK.

I’LL GO SOMEPLACE
THEY APPRECIATE MY BUSINESS."

THAT’S WHAT
YOU THOUGHT WAS STRANGE.

SO I OFF‐LOAD THE LUGGAGE

THAT I JUST HELPED HIM
LOAD UP,

AND THEN HE SAYS,
"ALL RIGHT, NEVER MIND.

I’LL TAKE THE CARAVAN
WITHOUT THE DISCOUNT."

SO I SAID TO HIM,
"IF YOU THINK I’M RELOADING

"THAT DAMN LUGGAGE
YOU JUST HAD ME OFF‐LOAD,

I HOPE YOU’RE DRIVING
TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST."

IT WAS LIKE
HE DIDN’T HEAR ME.

JUST SIGNED THE R. A.

AND LOADED HIS LUGGAGE
BACK UP HIMSELF.

I DIDN’T HAVE HIM DROP ME
BACK AT THE OFFICE.

LET HIM DRIVE OFF WITH ME
STANDING IN THE STREET.

HAD ONE OF MY OWN MEN
COME AND GET ME.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
THE LUGGAGE

YOU WERE LOADING
AND OFF‐LOADING,

MR. DIXON?

JUST THREE PIECES
STANDARD‐SIZE

PLAID‐PATTERN LUGGAGE.

DIDN’T HAVE
ANY PECULIAR SMELL

TO THEM, OR THE LIKE?

OH, GOD! OH!

THAT’S JUST AN EXPLORATORY
QUESTION WE NEED TO ASK,

AND WHICH YOU SAY
THERE WAS NO PECULIAR SMELL.

NO, BUT I LOADED
AND OFF‐LOADED THAT LUGGAGE.

DON’T GET AHEAD
OF YOURSELF.

YOU DID A VERY CIVIC THING
COMING IN,

REPORTING THE POSSIBLY
SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR

OF THIS MR. GUNTHER.

PAST THAT, LET’S LEAVE
THE GRUESOME IMAGININGS

TO, UH, "TALES OF THE CRYPT."

SO, WHO’S OFFERING
THE REWARD IN THIS THING?

IN ‐‐ IN TERMS
OF THOSE FLIERS,

THAT WOULD, UH, ACTUALLY BE
MR. GUNTHER HIMSELF

THAT PUT THOSE
IN CIRCULATION.

THE MR. GUNTHER
I’M IN HERE REPORTING.

THAT WOULD BE THE ONE.

SO HE WOULDN’T BE GIVING ME
ANY REWARD, WOULD HE?

I GAVE UP FOUR HOURS
OF WORK FOR THIS.

ANOTHER HAPPY CUSTOMER.

WHEN THIS GUY SHOWS UP
TELLING US

HOW HIS WIFE
HAS GONE MISSING,

GREG AND I HAD
THE SAME REACTION.

SHE JUST PICKED
A NEW LIFESTYLE

THAT DIDN’T INVOLVE LIVING
WITH SOMEONE WHO TALKED

LIKE HAL
IN THE "2001" MOVIE.

BUT THIS CAR RENTAL AGENT

COMES IN CONTRADICTING
EVERYTHING

THIS ROBOT‐SOUNDING
GUY TOLD US.

YOU THINK THE ROBOT‐SOUNDING
GUY MIGHT HAVE KILLED HER?

WACKY AS HE ACTED WITH US,

BALDWIN AND ME DEFINITELY THINK
YOU GOT TO LOOK AT THIS GUY

FOR MAYBE PORTIONING OUT
HIS WIFE

AMONG THEM THREE
PLAID‐PATTERNED SUITCASES.

HOW DO YOU WANT
TO GO AT HIM?

WE FIGURE FIRING
OUR RETRO THRUSTERS,

WE COULD ACHIEVE
ORBITAL INSERTION

AROUND THIS GUNTHER’S PLANET.

AT THAT POINT WE DESCEND
TO HIS HOME PLANET’S SURFACE

IN OUR LANDING MODULE.

THIS WACKY GUNTHER, UH...

AND, UH, UH, ONCE
WE’VE INITIATED CONTACT,

WE COULD, UH, MAYBE BRING HIM
BACK TO OUR HOME PLANET.

WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD
AND TALK TO HIM AGAIN?

YEAH, WE’LL GO AHEAD
AND RE‐INTERVIEW.

THE NEXT TIME
YOU’RE WATCHING

FROM THE COMFORT
OF YOUR DINGHY

WHILE I’M BEING TOSSED
AND BATTERED

BY THE OCEAN WAVES,
BALDWIN,

YOU MIGHT CONSIDER
SOME KIND OF RESCUE EFFORT.

AND WHERE DID YOU WANT ME
LEAPING IN, PARTNER?

THE RETRO THRUSTER,
THE LANDING MODULE?

ANYWAYS, YOU’RE ON POINT

RE‐INTERVIEWING
THIS WACK JOB.

AND I KNOW
YOU GOT OUR PERIMETER

IF OUR RETRO BLASTER
DON’T MALFUNCTION.

NEVER AGAIN REFER
TO THAT CONVERSATION.

HOW’S IT GOING?

EVERYONE, INCLUDING
THE MORTALLY WOUNDED,

GET ASKED,
"HOW’S IT GOING?"

Greg: HOW’S IT GOING?

YEAH, HOW’S IT GOING?

CHECK IT OUT, ANDY.

WHO’S THAT WITH HIM?

GENTLEMEN,
HOW’S IT GOING?

THIS IS MY COUSIN
EVAN SIBLEY.

HOW COINCIDENTAL.

WE WERE JUST
LOOKING FOR YOU.

I WISH I COULD’VE
SAVED YOU A TRIP.

OH, PISH.

YOUR COUSIN EXPLAIN WHY
WE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU?

HIS APARTMENT HAS BEEN ROBBED
AND I HAVE THE SPARE KEYS.

EVEN APART FROM EVAN’S
EXEMPLARY CHARACTER,

DON’T MY JIMMIED DOORKNOBS
SUGGEST A THEFT BY INTRUDERS?

ACTUALLY, YOUR DOORKNOBS WERE
JIMMIED FROM THE INSIDE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

YOU DIDN’T REALIZE THEY WERE
JIMMIED FROM THE INSIDE?

I DON’T SUPPOSE I REALIZED
THE FULL IMPLICATION.

THANK GOODNESS

CHARACTER STILL INSULATES YOU
FROM SUSPICION, EVAN.

NOEL, I DON’T EVEN
LIKE YOUR ART.

OF COURSE THE THIEF
WOULD NEVER LET HIS OWN TASTE

CIRCUMSCRIBE THE FARE
HE TOOK TO MARKET.

SO YOU’RE ACCUSING ME
OF STEALING YOUR THINGS?

CERTAINLY NOT.

FOR ONE THING, THAT WOULD
BE UP TO THESE GENTLEMEN.

FELLAS, ARE YOU ENTERTAINING
ANY SUSPICIONS OF MR. SIBLEY?

HOW IS IT GOING
IN THAT REGARD?

THIS IS ABOUT MACAO,
ISN’T IT, NOEL?

MACAO?

NOEL CAME DOWN WITH GOUT AND WAS
PUT OFF WITH SOME FRIENDS AND I

BECAUSE WE WOULDN’T
POSTPONE OUR TRIP.

CAN YOU ACCOUNT FOR YOUR
TIME IN THE LAST 24 HOURS?

I’VE BEEN WITH PEOPLE
EVERY MINUTE

FOR THE LAST FOUR DAYS.

THERE.
THAT DISPOSES OF IT.

WHAT’S YOUR ACT EXACTLY,
MR. BELLER?

IS THIS SOME KIND
OF SKIPPY‐WHIP ‐‐

PUTTING US THROUGH OUR PACES?

MY SUSPICIONS ARE INCREASINGLY
FOCUSED ON MS. CAMERON.

THAT STARTED WHEN?

I’VE JUST BEEN PUTTING
TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.

MEANING YOU LIKED HER
FROM THE JUMP.

IF IT’S NOT HER, YOU WANT
TO KNOW WHO I LIKE? YOU.

$34 MILLION AND COUNTING,
DETECTIVE.

THAT DON’T RULE YOU OUT YET
IN MY BOOK,

’CAUSE I’M FIGURING YOU’RE
THE KIND OF HUMP JERK‐OFF

ONE DAY FINDS HIS LITTLE
INTERESTS AND ROUTINES ‐‐

THEY DON’T HOLD
HIS ATTENTION NO MORE.

DECIDES HE’S GOING TO PUT
ZEST IN HIS LIFE

BY DOING SOMETHING NAUGHTY.

I’M FLATTERED,
DETECTIVE,

BUT I DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH
IMAGINATION OR NERVE.

PERHAPS IF I DIDN’T
TAKE SO MUCH VICODIN.

ACTUALLY, I BELIEVE MS. CAMERON
IS BACK AT MY APARTMENT.

I SUPPOSE
FOR YOUR PURPOSES

MY PRESENCE WOULD BE
AN IMPEDIMENT.

SO, ANY SPECIAL KNOCK CODE
WE SHOULD USE?

NO. JUST PRESS
THE BELL VIGOROUSLY.

MR. SIBLEY, WE’RE SORRY
TO PUT YOU OUT.

ENJOYED THE FLOOR SHOW.

SEE? NONE OF THEM
WILL LET YOU LIKE THEM.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Nikki: NOEL?

DETECTIVES, MS. CAMERON.

OH, SURE.
JUST A MINUTE.

HI.

HI.

UH,
NOEL’S NOT HERE.

HE TOLD US YOU WERE.

HE TOLD YOU?

SAID HE’D STARTED
HAVING MISGIVINGS ‐‐

MAYBE YOU WERE INVOLVED
STEALING HIS ART.

NOEL CAN BE PERVERSE.

WE DON’T THINK
SEX PREFERENCE FACTORS IN.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

YOU WANT TO WALK US THROUGH YOUR
WHEREABOUTS SINCE LAST NIGHT,

AND IF MAYBE SOMEONE
COULD VOUCH FOR THEM?

MILLION SQUARE‐FOOT
LIVING ROOM

WITH NOT ONE PHONE
IN IT?

THE WELL‐TO‐DO DON’T HAVE
PHONES IN THE LIVING ROOM.

WHAT THE HELL MAGAZINES
ARE YOU READING?

[ RINGS ]

GUN, DANNY!

Danny: FACE DOWN.

HE’S GOT A DOOR
BEHIND HIM.

WHERE DOES
THE DAMN DOOR GO?

NOWHERE.
INTO THE CLOSET.

YOU LAY YOUR GUN DOWN
OR YOU DIE HERE, PAL!

WHAT’S HIS NAME?
DERRICK.

YOU WANT TO DIE
IN THIS ASSHOLE’S APARTMENT

OVER A LARCENY COLLAR?

I GOT EMERGENCY SERVICES
COMING, ANDY.

OFF YOUR WORK AS A THIEF,

I DON’T SEE YOU
BEING MUCH WITH THAT GUN,

AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET

AN EMERGENCY SERVICE
TAKE MY COLLAR.

NOW LAY IT DOWN,
OR I START SHOOTING.

DERRICK,
FOR GOD’S SAKE!

LAY IT DOWN!

ALL RIGHT!

DON’T TOSS IT!

LAY IT ON THE GROUND
AND PUSH IT AWAY.

PUSHING IT AWAY.
GETTING ON THE GROUND.

GET UP.

[ RINGS ]

LAY DOWN.

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU’RE GOING TO POINT
A GUN AT ME!

WHAT?
BELLER RESIDENCE.

WAIT, EXCUSE ME A SECOND.
SAY THAT AGAIN.

Beller: How is my
little play going?

WHAT?

WELL, NIKKI’S HERE,
MR. BELLER.

Is Derrick there?

OH,
THIS INBRED HUMP.

YEAH, DERRICK’S HERE, WHO HAD
A SURPRISE PROP WITH HIM.

What sort of prop?

NEVER MIND.
IT’S NOT IMPORTANT.

I confided to Nikki

my suspicions
about what she’d done,

and we agreed I’d meet her
at 4:00 to ransom my art.

Nikki, were you surprised
when the police showed up?

Can Nikki hear me now?

I GOT TO RING OFF NOW,
MR. B.

COME BY THE STATION HOUSE
TO SEE US.

TAKE YOUR CURTAIN CALL THERE.

Bravo, detectives.

WONDERFUL.

I’LL GIVE HIM
A CURTAIN CALL.

Danny:
COME ON, GET UP.

YEAH, WALKED US INTO
A POSSIBLE AMBUSH ‐‐ ABSOLUTELY.

ANY TROUBLE, I’M GOING
TO BREAK YOUR FINGER

THAT YOU HAD ON THAT TRIGGER
OFF YOUR HAND.

STAND UP, NIKKI.

THESE CUFFS ARE TIGHT.

YEAH, THEY COME LIKE THAT
FROM THE FACTORY.

WE SAID WE’D COME GET YOU
AT 4:00.

I’M SORRY
ABOUT JUMPING THE GUN.

I WAS HOPING THERE’S
GOOD NEWS ABOUT YVETTE.

AS FAR AS THAT GOES,

A WOMAN MORE OR LESS FITTING
YOUR WIFE’S DESCRIPTION

TURNED UP DISORIENTED
IN ATLANTIC CITY,

IDENTIFYING HERSELF
AS A MRS. GUNDERSON.

FITTING MY WIFE’S
DESCRIPTION?

MORE OR LESS.

I’D LIKE VERY MUCH
TO MEET THIS WOMAN.

HAVE YOU
KNOWN YOUR WIFE

TO TAKE DAY TRIPS
TO ATLANTIC CITY ‐‐

ENJOY PLAYING THE SLOTS
OR THE LIKE?

NO, NOT THAT I’M AWARE OF.
I’D LIKE TO MEET THIS WOMAN.

IF IT’S YOUR WIFE, I GUESS
YOU’VE ALREADY MET HER.

YES, IF IT’S YVETTE.

RIGHT NOW YOU’RE
SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING,

"HAVE WE GOT A PHONE NUMBER
WHERE I CAN TALK TO HER?

HOPE SHE’S ALL RIGHT."

"I’M GOING TO BE SO RELIEVED
IF IT IS MY WIFE."

ALL THAT
GOES WITHOUT SAYING.

NO.
USUALLY IT ALL GETS SAID.

WELL, HAVE YOU GOT
A PHONE NUMBER?

WE WENT
TO YOUR PLANT EARLIER.

SOME OF YOUR EMPLOYEES
SAID THEY SAW YOU

DRIVE OUT IN THE WEEDS
BEHIND THE PLACE THIS MORNING

AND TAKE OUT SOME SUITCASES

AND THEN PUT THEM BACK
IN YOUR CAR.

YES, I DID.

WHAT WAS IN THOSE SUITCASES
YOU WANTED TO DITCH?

THINGS OF YVETTE’S
I WANTED TO BE RID OF.

AND WHERE
ARE THE SUITCASES NOW?

I TOOK THEM TO A DUMP.
CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH ONE.

THERE WAS SOME SORT OF FIRE
GOING IN ALL THE REFUSE,

AND I TOSSED THEM
IN THERE.

WHY DON’T WE TAKE A RIDE?
MAYBE IT’LL COME BACK TO YOU.

I WANT TO PUT ALL THIS
BEHIND ME

AND SPEAK TO THAT WOMAN
IN ATLANTIC CITY.

WHAT’S YOUR HOPE HERE,
MR. GUNTHER ‐‐

YOU MURDERED YOUR WIFE,
NOW YOU’RE GOING TO START ANEW

WITH SOME WOMAN
HAS AMNESIA?

YOU KNOW WHAT LUMINOL IS,
MR GUNTHER?

IT’S A SPRAY WE PUT DOWN
AT CRIME SCENES.

IT MAKES
BLOOD RESIDUE GLOW.

NOBODY IN HISTORY

HAS EVER BEEN CUT
INTO PARTS SMALL ENOUGH

TO FIT
INTO THREE SUITCASES

WITHOUT LUMINOL
PICKING OUT RESIDUE

AT THE DISMEMBERMENT
SITE.

BEFORE WE GET THE WARRANT
TO GO INTO YOUR HOUSE

AND LAY DOWN THE LUMINOL
AND 100% INCRIMINATE YOU,

YOU GOT A CHANCE
TO MAKE A STATEMENT

WHERE IT WILL COUNT
FOR SOMETHING WITH A JUDGE

INSTEAD OF AFTER
YOU’RE INCRIMINATED

WHEN IT DON’T COUNT
FOR JACK.

BUT ALL OF THIS IS MOOT

IF THE WOMAN IN ATLANTIC CITY
IS YVETTE.

IS SHE, MR. GUNTHER?

YOU MIGHT ASK
IF THAT WOMAN

IS TOLERABLE IN ANY WAY
AS A HUMAN BEING,

WHICH WOULD
RULE HER OUT ABSOLUTELY

AS BEING MY WIFE.

MEANING YOU DID AWAY
WITH MRS. GUNTHER ‐‐

DISMEMBERED HER ‐‐

PUT HER IN
THE THREE SUITCASES,

AND YOUR EMPLOYEES SEEING YOU
OUT BACK OF THE PLANT

WAS YOU LOOKING
TO DISPOSE OF HER BODY,

WHICH, EVIDENTLY,
YOU THEN TOOK HER TO A DUMP.

WELL, THE TRUTH IS,

I CAN’T SEEM
TO DISPOSE OF HER.

I TAKE HER PLACES

AND WIND UP BRINGING HER
BACK INTO THE HOUSE.

IS EITHER OF YOU MARRIED?

I WAS.

HOW DID YOU EVER
GET RID OF HER?

SHE DUMPED ME.

NOT IN THE SAME SENSE

THAT YOU WERE LOOKING
TO DUMP MRS. GUNTHER.

YOU’LL GET HIM SITUATED?

YEAH, DERRICK AND ALL 25
OF HIS CALIBERS.

LET ME GET SOMEONE DOING
A CAVITY SEARCH ON HER.

OH, COME ON.

THE ONLY SITUATING YOU’RE
GOING TO BE DOING FOR ME

IS CALLING ME A LAWYER.

OKAY, YOU’RE A LAWYER. THAT’S
A STEP DOWN FROM STEALING.

KISS MY ASS.

EXCUSE ME.

I THINK I SAID
"KISS MY ASS! "

YOU GOT A MINUTE, DIANE,
BEFORE A BOMB BLOWS?

SURE.

THIS ONE
NEEDS TO BE SEARCHED.

Diane: GO IN THERE.

HEY, DERRICK,

LET’S HEAR HOW "KISS MY ASS"
SOUNDS WITH A PUFF NOSE.

KITH MY ATH ‐‐
COME ON.

DERRICK
WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

IF THERE’S ANYONE
IN THE POKEY.

DETECTIVES MEDAVOY AND JONES
ARE IN THE POKEY.

INTERVIEW THREE IS OPEN.

THAT’S THE ANSWER
TO ONE QUESTION I DID ASK

AND ONE I DIDN’T.

YES, THE POKEY
IS OCCUPIED.

LET’S SIT YOU DOWN
ON THE BENCH HERE TEMPORARILY.

MAY I OFFER HIM
A TISSUE?

JUST RELAX.

SURE,
I’LL KNOW TO COME HERE

NEXT TIME THAT’S
WHAT I WANT TO DO.

IS THAT ENOUGH WISECRACKS?

’CAUSE THIS IS
WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

I’M GOING TO LAY
SOME THINGS OUT FOR YOU

THAT IF YOU’RE
UP TO DO IT,

MAYBE YOU’RE GOING
TO SAVE YOURSELF SOME YEARS.

LET HER PUT
HER SWEATER BACK ON.

OKAY, COMMANDER.

SORRY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

WHAT’S UP, ANDY?

YOU NEED THIS ROOM?

WE’RE TAKING A STATEMENT.

AND I’M ASKING
IF YOU NEED THIS ROOM.

NOT THIS ONE
PARTICULARLY, NO.

WE NEED
THIS PARTICULAR ROOM.

WE CAN MOVE.

THANK YOU.

I ACTUALLY PREFER
THE REFRESHMENT ROOM.

WHATEVER YOU TELL US
DON’T GET YOU NO YEARS OFF

IF WE CAN’T
CORROBORATE IT.

HOW WOULD YOU
CORROBORATE IT?

EITHER IF CAN WE GET
YOU AND DERRICK

INTO A ROOM THAT’S MIKED

AND YOU GET DERRICK
TALKING ABOUT WHAT HE DID,

OR OTHERWISE, ARE YOU
WILLING TO BE WIRED?

YOU GET HIM TALKING.

WHAT IF HE DOESN’T
SAY ANYTHING

THAT CORROBORATES
MY INNOCENCE?

ARE YOU INNOCENT?

THE TAPE WILL CONFIRM
YOUR GUILT AND HIS,

BUT YOUR WEARING A WIRE
SHOWS CONSTRUCTIVE COOPERATION.

WHICH TRANSLATES
TO TIME OFF.

HOW COME
I’M THE LUCKY ONE?

YOUR PAL DERRICK
PULLING THAT PIECE ‐‐

THAT MOVED HIM
TO THE HEAD OF THE LINE.

THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT
TO SAY YES, NIKKI.

I’LL DO WHATEVER
I HAVE TO DO.

GOOD.

SHE DON’T NEED TO BE MIKED.
WE GOT THE POKEY ROOM.

ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN HERE?

I’M PROBABLY NOT THE ONE
YOU NEED TO ASK.

’CAUSE HE’S
SUPPOSED TO GO IN THE POKEY.

THE POLICEWOMAN LEFT HERE
ABOUT THREE MINUTES AGO.

SET YOU UP
IN ANOTHER INTERVIEW ROOM?

I DON’T KNOW.

SO WHEN YOU AREN’T PULLING
SOMEONE AROUND BY THE NOSE,

YOU PEOPLE DON’T KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

HEY,
I’LL GRAB YOU BY THE NOSE

IF YOU WANT
TO DO IT THAT WAY.

COME ON.

IN HERE.

DON’T BE
TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

THAT’S A 2‐WAY MIRROR,

AND YOU ARE
UNDER OBSERVATION.

Andy: ALWAYS TELL THEM
THE TRUTH.

IT’S THE ONE THING
THEY NEVER BELIEVE.

SO, YOU GOT YOUR LEGS UP
FOR THEM, NIKKI?

LEAVE ME ALONE.

GET YOURSELF A LAWYER
AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

I’M JUST SITTING HERE
FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF.

ARE YOU GETTING A LAWYER?
’CAUSE WE CAN RIDE THIS OUT.

IS THAT WHY YOU PULLED
THE GUN ON THOSE COPS ‐‐

BECAUSE YOU WERE SO CONFIDENT
WITH THE RIGHT REPRESENTATION

WE COULD RIDE THIS OUT?

WAS THAT YOU WASTED AND BROKE
UNDER THAT STATUE AT CAESAR’S

WITH YOUR WISE MOUTH
AND YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATION,

AND WAS THAT ME THAT PUT YOU
BACK ON YOUR FEET?

I WISH YOU WOULD’VE
LEFT ME THERE.

GOING ON ABOUT YOUR
RICH FRIENDS SO I’D KNOW

HOW LUCKY I WAS THAT YOU
WERE GIVING ME A PIECE OF ASS.

LITTLE DID I KNOW I’D WIND UP
FORCED ACROSS THE COUNTRY

AT GUNPOINT SO WE COULD
ROB ONE OF THEM.

THAT GUN WAS ON YOU
ALL THE TIME.

I NEVER TRIED TO ROB ANYONE
IN MY LIFE TILL I MET YOU.

IT’S LIKE HOW I MADE YOU
SCREAM IN BED.

YOU JUST DIDN’T KNOW
YOU HAD IT IN YOU.

THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH?

YEAH,
THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH.

I DO WISH

YOU’D LET DETECTIVES SORENSON
AND SIPOWICZ KNOW I’M HERE.

THEY TOLD ME TO HANG OUT
WITH YOU, MR. BELLER.

LOOK, I’VE BEEN INSTRUMENTAL
IN THEIR CASE.

THEY SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME
TO COME TO THE STATION HOUSE.

THEY WOULDN’T WANT ME
TO BE COOLING MY HEELS.

ACTUALLY,
I THINK THEY GOT

ABOUT 18 MONTHS OF THAT
IN MIND.

EXCUSE ME?

NOT MY CASE,
NOT MY PLACE.

THAT ALMOST REACHES THE QUALITY
OF THE METAPHYSICAL ‐‐

YOUR LITTLE
POLICE APHORISM.

YOU KNOW, I DON’T THINK
SOMEONE WITH YOUR PROBLEMS

OUGHT TO BE MAKING
COMMENTS ABOUT MY ASS.

WHAT PROBLEM, DETECTIVE?
WHAT 18 MONTHS?

18 MONTHS FOR IMPEDING POLICE
ADMINISTRATION, MR. BELLER.

ARE YOU SAYING
THEY’RE INTENDING

TO TAKE ME INTO CUSTODY?

YOU THINK I’M LEANING
MY POLICE APHORISM

AGAINST THIS DESK BECAUSE
I LIKE KEEPING COMPANY

WITH A LAME‐O
VICODIN FREAK?

ARE THEY INTENDING
TO ARREST ME?

I’M JUST THE P. A. A.

I DEMAND TO SEE DETECTIVE
SIPOWICZ OR SORENSON.

A COLLAR
ONLY GETS ONE CALL.

I THINK YOU
OUGHT TO BE DECIDING

WHETHER THAT’S GOING TO BE
YOUR LAWYER OR YOUR DEALER.

I DIDN’T INTEND TO IMPEDE
POLICE ADMINISTRATION.

I THINK BEING ROBBED

ENTITLED ME TO SOME
SMALL AMUSEMENT

ORCHESTRATING
THE THIEVES’ CAPTURE.

WELL, THAT’S ’CAUSE YOU’RE
A LAME‐O VICODIN FREAK.

Danny: HOW’S IT GOING,
MR. BELLER?

NOT WELL.

I DON’T THINK MR. BELLER

REALLY UNDERSTANDS
HIS SITUATION YET.

IF YOU SHOUT UP HIS ASS

WHEN HIS HEAD’S
POSITIONED RIGHT ‐‐

ONE OF HIS EARS POINTED
TOWARDS THE OUTSIDE WORLD ‐‐

HE GETS SOME KIND OF CLUE
WHAT’S GOING ON.

HOW PEOPLE
DOING THEIR JOBS,

WHICH INCLUDES TRYING TO GET
HIS ART BACK,

WHICH HE EARNED WITH THE SWEAT
OF HIS GRANDFATHER’S BROW...

GRANDPA WAS IN
TOILET BOWL MANUFACTURE?

HOW PEOPLE LIKE THAT
MIGHT GET PISSED OFF

HIS IDEA OF A HOOT

IS SENDING THEM
INTO AN APARTMENT

WHERE SOMEONE DUMB ENOUGH
TO USE IT’S GOT A GUN OUT.

DERRICK HAD A GUN OUT?

SOMEBODY OUT TO TAPE RECORD
YOU SAYING THAT

AND MAKE YOU LISTEN TO IT
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

COULD I DO THAT
AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO JAIL?

NO ONE’S SENDING YOU
TO JAIL, DOUCHE BAG.

THANKS.

NO PROBLEM.

NIGHT.

SO THIS WAS JUST
SOME LITTLE MORALITY PLAY

STAGED FOR MY BENEFIT?

NOW WHERE WOULD WE GET AN IDEA
TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

WHAT WOULD BENEFIT YOU ‐‐

SOMEBODY SMACKING YOU
IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD

FOR ABOUT SIX STRAIGHT HOURS,
BUT WE GOT HOMES TO GO TO.

THE ART
IS AT THE ESSEX HOUSE.

IT’S GOT TO BE VOUCHERED
AND HELD AS EVIDENCE.

YOU’LL GET IT BACK.

OH, OUR PLEASURE.

TAKE A HIKE,
MR. BELLER.

YOU DON’T WANT TO CALL
THE DESK SERGEANT

AND HAVE SOME COP TOSS
THIS PRICK FOR HIS PILLS?

NOT TO COLLAR HIM?

NO. JUST TO GIVE HIM
A FAREWELL SCARE.

YEAH, WE COULD DO THAT,
BUT IT WOULD BE BENEATH US.

"I WOULD NOT EAT THEM
FROM A BOX.

I WOULD NOT EAT THEM
WITH A FOX."

YOU DO YOURS.

"I WOULD NOT EAT THEM
HERE OR THERE.

"I WOULD NOT
EAT THEM ANYWHERE.

"I DO NOT LIKE
GREEN EGGS AND HAM.

I DO NOT LIKE THEM,
SAM I AM."

NOW YOURS.

UH, I WOULD NOT
EAT THEM IN A BUS.

I WOULD NOT PUT THEM
IN MY TRUSS.

I, UH, I’D THROW A FEW
AT COUSIN GUS...

BUT NOT AT LARRY, MOE,
OR PETE.

THEO, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN YOU WERE SICK

AND YOU DID THESE WATERCOLORS
WITH AUNT KATY?

I WOULD NOT EAT THEM
IN YOUR SHOE.

YEAH, WE’LL DO MORE
"SAM I AM" LATER,

BUT, HERE, LOOK AT THESE
WATERCOLORS THAT YOU MADE.

THERE’S THE PARK.

DID THESE COME TO YOU

’CAUSE YOU HAD
THE FEVER, SON,

OR COULD YOU TURN THEM OUT
ON A REGULAR BASIS?

THAT’S ME AND GREGORY.

YEAH, THAT’S ‐‐ THAT’S YOU
AND YOUR PAL GREGORY.

I WOULD NOT EAT THEM
WITH MY PAL GREGORY.

ALL RIGHT,
BUT I’LL TELL YOU,

I THINK THOSE
ARE GREAT PAINTINGS,

AND IF YOU EVER FEEL
LIKE PICKING UP A BRUSH,

YOU JUST HOLLER.

I DON’T FEEL LIKE
PICKING UP A BRUSH.

ALL RIGHT,
BUT LET ME TELL YOU...

GUYS ARE PAINTING
CRAP OUT THERE

THAT DON’T HOLD A CANDLE
TO YOUR STUFF,

AND THEY ARE MAKING
SOME LIVING AT IT, TOO.

OKAY.

I WOULD NOT PUT THEM
IN YOUR NOSE.

NO, DON’T PICK
MY NOSE HAIRS, THEO.

"I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT,
IN THE RAIN.

I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT,
ON A TRAIN."

"I DO NOT LIKE
GREEN EGGS AND HAM."

"I DO NOT LIKE THEM,
SAM I AM."