NCIS (2003–…): Season 4, Episode 23 - Trojan Horse - full transcript
While Jen attends a conference in Paris, Gibbs serves as the acting director. When a taxicab delivers a fare to the NCIS headquarters, the passenger, a Yemeni, is DoA; the gang investigate. Jen diverts to Moscow, and many answers emerge.
MAN: Well, these Marines
sure take this stuff seriously.
Might as well get comfortable,
this could take some time.
Check the ID, check the trunk.
No dogs, hate dogs.
Dogs are a pain in the ass. Heh.
Never met a dog
that didn't wanna try to bite me.
Looking for bombs or bin Laden,
I guess.
- Clear.
- Finally.
MARINE:
Proceed.
SANCHEZ:
Morning, sir.
- Photo ID and pop the trunk, please.
KELLY: Sure thing.
SANCHEZ: Drop off?
- Guy says he wants to see someone
at NCIS.
MARINE:
Clear.
Lower the window, please, sir.
Hey, buddy,
lady needs to see some ID.
Photo ID, please, sir.
Sir, step out of the vehicle, please.
MAN [ON TV]: The mortar barrage
is the latest in a series of attacks.
C YNTHIA: These files
have to be reviewed by Friday.
GIBBS: Mm-hm. I'll get to them.
- Tomorrow's Friday.
Had a wife like you once, Cynthia.
- I divorced her.
- Beat her to it, did you?
[SIGHS]
- You didn't read it.
- Scoletti case.
I know the case agent, Jeff Gillman.
He's a good man.
The director doesn't want Justice
not going to trial
because of a procedural error.
Well, then the director should be here
instead of shopping in Paris all week.
An Interpol antiterrorist conference
isn't shopping.
Yeah.
- Know him too?
- Yep.
Don't worry. Justice has its own
procedural problems.
Who's Special Agent Grisham?
Transferred in from San Diego.
Hollywood special agent.
- Rejected.
- You have to give a reason.
[PHONE RINGING]
It's her private line.
JEN [ON PHONE]:
Hello, Cynthia.
Hello?
Cynthia?
No.
Jethro.
I should have recognised
the heavy breathing.
Is the agency intact?
I cut it up into small bitsy pieces
and sold it to the three-letter boys.
I take it walking in my heels
has presented a challenge.
Well, I accepted some
speaking requests for you.
JEN [ON PHONE]:
Which speaking requests?
Women for Women,
Saint Paul, Minnesota chapter.
The eighth-grade class of
Hondo Middle School in Hondo, Texas.
The teacher, she's, uh--
She's an admirer.
Society of Preservation
for Barbershop Quartets.
You're not serious, Jethro.
Well, about the barbershop quartets?
No, no, I'm not.
But I did accept six, seven, eight,
nine others for you.
Put Cynthia on.
Hey, how's the frog...
...legs?
You always enjoyed them
sautéed in butter.
Cynthia, now.
Yes, director.
Tell me you didn't
send out acceptances
for speaking engagements.
- Of course not, director.
- Thank you, Cynthia.
You have just earned yourself
an Hermes scarf.
Thank you, director.
[MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Put him back on.
Yes?
Is there any serious business
I should know about?
Well, the Buy America toilet paper
doesn't fit the metric fixtures.
And we 've got a truck--
[DIAL TONE]
She hung up on me.
- Shocking.
-Hmm.
[RINGS]
Did you call back to apologise?
Uh, I don't know what you heard,
boss, but I was not the one
who started that pool.
What pool is that, DiNozzo?
- On the case.
- What case?
There's-a-dead-body-in-the-taxi-
at—the-main-gate case?
I'll be right there.
C YNTHIA: The case files.
- Leave them on my desk.
They are on your desk.
DUCKY: It's not often we get
to walk to a crime scene.
If this is a crime scene.
There's no blood, no bullet holes,
no knife punctures.
No obvious signs of bruising.
No ligature marks.
No petechial haemorrhaging
on the eye or eyelid.
- Natural causes?
- There's nothing natural
about a man of his age
keeling over in a taxicab.
TONY:
Maybe he died of embarrassment
when he couldn't
pay the cab fare.
Ha, ha. Alas, death by embarrassment
is not a certifiable cause,
however intriguing the notion.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Excuse me, Ducky.
It's about time that boy fell in love.
TONY: Hey.
- I found a house.
House? I thought we were renting
an apartment.
No, we're buying a house.
TONY [ON PHONE]:
Buying?
It's the most adorable
little bungalow, Tony.
Only Hollywood has bungalows,
Jeanne.
You don't wanna buy
a house with me?
- I love playing house with you.
- Not the same thing.
Can I call you back tonight?
My boss is on his way over
and he doesn't look very happy.
I thought you ran things over there.
I do. Just not all the time.
Um, we'll play house tonight.
Hey, I win the pool.
TONY: Wait a minute.
How do you figure that?
Well, I predicted that Gibbs would last
four days as director
before reverting to working a case.
This is Thursday. Four days.
He is not working the case.
He's just...
...curious.
Every time he's been at the crime
scene, he's been there to investigate.
How is today different?
He is in the Navy Yard because that's
where the director's office is located.
Huh. Let's ask him.
So you would have Gibbs
give up his post as acting director
just to win a $50 pool?
Yes.
Hmm. I guess it's true what they say
about the Scotsman.
I trust that if Gibbs is more than
just curious, you will inform me.
Scout's honour.
You said you were never
in the Boy Scouts.
I was an Alpha Chi Delta Wet T-shirt
Spring Break Talent Scout.
Does that count?
Give me some love.
You gave that man too much
to swallow in one bite, Dr. Benoit.
It's a house, Carly. Not a steak.
From rental apartment
to buying a house in one phone call?
Are you crazy?
You've gotta take these things slow.
Toss a few home magazines around.
Leave the real estate section
of the Sunday paper next to the toilet.
Well, he does crossword puzzles
in there.
Okay, talk to him about it
when he's vulnerable.
JEANNE:
Hmm.
Tony's never vulnerable.
Not even when you put on
your best bedside manner?
ZIVA:
Driver's name is Joe Kelly.
He says the victim hailed him on 25th
Street and told him to bring him here.
- To see?
- Us.
He did not specify a particular agent.
Mr. Kelly, did you ever see
your fare before?
- Never.
GIBBS: Did he seem injured
or ill when you picked him up?
Not really.
He was kind of out of breath.
- Like he was running?
- Yeah.
He kept looking back over his shoulder
like someone might be following us.
- Were they?
- Good luck tailing in DC. traffic.
- Did he speak to you?
- Not a word.
As usual, I did all the talking.
Passes the time, you know.
I passed the time, he passed away,
poor guy.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah, Gibbs.
C YNTHIA: SECNA V is holding, sir.
- SECNAV? Tell him--
- I told him
you were on the Navy Yard
and available, sir.
Cynthia, don't ever tell anybody
I'm available
until I tell you I'm available, okay?
- Yes, sir.
- Put him through.
Is that the director on the phone?
- SECNAV.
- I wonder what Gibbs did wrong.
Slipped into Jenny's heels.
- Uh, Ziva, take the driver's statement.
ZIVA: I already did.
McGee, crime scene photos,
- finish them.
- Yeah, I finished them.
- You get an ID?
TONY: Yeah.
The photo on the Yemeni's
driver's licence matches the victim's.
Hamal Farhan.
- No buzzers.
- Bells.
GIBBS: What else?
- List.
Seven names on it.
Farhan is number five.
Whatever he wanted to tell us
had something to do with this list.
- Find everyone on it.
- Director, does that mean you're--?
I'm heading the investigation.
Hey, Duck.
- You win the pool.
- Yes. Thank you, Jethro.
And I didn't do anything wrong,
McGee.
Black Rose has countered
our ejection seat bid.
How does the POB hope to maintain
a classical ballet company
if there are no classical works
scheduled?
I have no idea.
Black Rose, René?
What is La Dame's bid?
Um...
Twenty thousand euros per seat.
Double it.
I know you want to corner the market
on F-14 components, René,
but even if the Iranian
paid top euros,
by the time we split the shipment
for transport--
We're not splitting
the shipment now. Hmm?
It's all going on La Tortue.
She sails for Hormuz on the 23rd.
If the Americans stop her,
you risk losing not only
the components but the ship.
Sixty-eight million and change.
Regine, the US. Navy
will seize La Tortue
after she enters the Persian Gulf.
Don't you know Americans pay more
to keep their F-14 parts
out of Iranian hands
than the Iranians pay to get them?
So just double it.
Nice in 20 minutes.
Time to refresh.
A friend in the GRU informs me
that NCIS Naples
is quietly trying to locate a former
Colonel General Dimitri Borov.
[LAUGHS]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
- She is relentless.
KORT: Does that surprise you?
She is the first female director
of an armed federal agency.
Have they located
Colonel General Dimitri Borov?
Not yet.
Perhaps they should.
I've been hacking cabs for 22 years.
Never had a fare die on me.
A couple of heart attacks,
a suicide attempt or two,
- but none of them died.
- Till now.
Anyone who does something
for 22 years must love it.
Are you kidding?
It's the best job in the world.
So now you think I'm crazy, right?
Well, here's the thing.
My best friend, I met him in the cab.
The guy who does my taxes,
I met him in the cab.
Poker buddies, met them in the cab.
I even met my wife in the cab.
Well, three out of four ain't bad.
Ha, ha.
This is your statement. Read it.
If you agree, sign it.
I think we should, uh,
call for a re-count.
- On what?
- Ducky winning the pool.
Gibbs is up in the director's office,
directing, right?
And we're working the case.
He's not.
[McGEE TYPING]
Because he's waiting for an update.
Which I'm gonna do,
as soon as Mr. Kelly signs and leaves.
I can go?
You can go to the head
or our conference room.
Well, he said I could leave.
Well, what I say doesn't count
when the boss is here.
Like me when the wife is around.
- Mr. Kelly.
- Lead the way.
ZIVA:
Follow me.
GIBBS: Update.
- McGee.
According to Immigration,
Hamal Farhan
applied for a student visa twice,
and was turned down twice.
Granted a six-month tourist visa,
a year and a half ago.
Even if he had it extended for a year,
he's here illegally.
Should we notify Immigration
and deport him?
[CHUCKLES]
TONY:
That's a good one, boss.
McGEE: Uh, actually, his visa
was extended indefinitely.
Yemen added Farhan
to their embassy personnel.
What are you trying to do,
make me look bad?
Ijust read it.
Added as what?
A gardener.
ZIVA:
In here.
Anything I can get you, Mr. Kelly?
My cab so I can leave.
To eat or drink?
Philly cheese steak and a beer
would be nice.
No alcoholic beverages allowed.
I will work on your sandwich.
Are you gonna lock me in?
Uh, no. But there will be
an escort outside the door.
Is that another name for a guard?
Thelma, you're never gonna believe
where I am.
No, I'm not at Kelsey's bar.
- How did he die, Duck?
- Quickly, Jethro.
As the meter ticked over,
and without the driver even noticing.
And whatever caused his demise
is not evident from my autopsy.
There was no sign of violence.
No lumps, bumps,
- punctures or holes.
- Drug overdose?
Well, I can't say for certain
till I receive Abby's report.
But he didn't die of a cardiac infarction,
which is how most overdoses kill.
His heart shows no sign
of coronary artery disease.
In fact, it's in excellent condition,
as can be said of all your organs.
Pity they couldn't
all have been donated.
They were all so healthy.
- Poison?
- Well, it's the most likely culprit.
But again, I await Abigail.
I thought you were supposed
to solve these riddles, Duck.
Abby and I like to share.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Right.
That wouldn't have been
your assistant, would it, director?
I do hate a nagging woman, Duck.
She's only doing her job, Jethro.
Ah. Abby.
Any news on the tox screen?
Abby. Abby, are you there?
Oh. I guess she must have...
...gone.
ABBY: Oh, this cab
is bringing back memories.
Cheap vinyl, plastic divider,
dirty floors.
Actually, these floors are pretty clean.
The ones I remember were dirty.
Let me guess.
Short-lived career as a cabby?
Ah, a short-lived encounter.
- A ship in the night.
- Ooh.
My first time.
For what?
McGEE:
Front seat or back?
Back. Well, both, kind of.
Oh!
My first time
was in a weapons carrier.
- Of course it was.
- Of course it was.
Where was the cabby when this,
um, encounter took place?
He was a cabby.
Putting himself through school.
- It was his first time too.
- First time for what?
Seeing a curling match, Gibbs.
Have you ever seen a curling match?
The pristine ice
and those little brooms that sweep.
It's a clean cab.
So, um, what killed him?
Heart attack?
GIBBS:
No, Ducky ruled out a heart attack.
Poison looks better all the time.
Well, Major Mass Spectrometer
is working as fast as he can.
Make him work faster, Abby.
ABBY:
Yes, sir.
Running shoe.
McGEE: Yeah, that impression
matches Farhan's left foot.
The cab must have been cleaned
before he was picked up.
After he hailed the cab,
like most passengers,
he didn't sit directly
behind the driver.
He crossed his leg like this:
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
ZIVA: Then he died.
- In a very relaxed position.
It may have been a natural death,
Gibbs.
Now, I know he was healthy
and young, but it does happen. SADS.
No, sad. No S.
No. It is SADS.
Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome.
Right. Sorry.
ZIVA:
It can leave the heart looking normal.
McGee, you check out our cabby?
- Uh, not yet. That is my next task.
TONY: Hey, boss.
Five of the seven names found
on the list in Farhan's wallet are dead.
A hit list.
- When?
TONY: First died three weeks ago.
The last, not including Farhan,
Monday.
TONY: SADS?
- Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome.
I know what it is.
It's number two on the list.
Sean Price, 24. Died of SADS.
- The others?
TONY: Heart attack.
- Or a blown autopsy.
- No autopsy. He was 79.
One car crash, one drowning.
One list, five people.
You and Ziva find the two live names
on this list. Look for a connection.
David Brown and Robert Smith.
There will be dozens of them.
| read the obits.
If there's a connection, I didn't see it.
- Oh, there's a connection.
TONY: What?
They're all dead.
Relax, Thelma.
They won't keep me here overnight.
I'll be out of here soon.
- Right, boss?
- I'm not your boss.
Right now it sure feels like it.
- When did you have the cab cleaned?
- I got it that way from dispatch.
- How many fares before Farhan?
- He was my first.
He was looking over his shoulder?
Till he was sure we weren't
being tailed. Then he relaxed.
Maybe Ijust thought he relaxed,
seeing how he was dead.
- Can I get my cab and go now?
- Not yet.
I am very relieved that none of the
deceased are your friends or relatives.
TONY:
Hi, may I speak with David Brown?
ZIVA: Yes, I am certain they are dead.
TONY: Thanks.
- Oh, no, no. Iwouldn't send flowers.
TONY: May I speak with David Brown?
If you wish to send a sympathy card,
I am sure it would be very appreciated.
WOMAN: You have a good life.
- Oh, you have a good life too.
I wouldn't normally ask, but since
you don't know the deceased,
I was wondering if you'd be interested
in subscribing to our DVD club?
It's mostly East German films,
because I have a very special--
[PHONE CLICKS
THEN TONY LAUGHS]
TONY:
Gets them off the line fast every time.
Hey, boss, 32 David Browns
in the metro area.
So far I've talked to four.
Forty-one Robert Smiths. Two.
- I notified the Yemen Embassy of--
C YNTHIA: Director Gibbs.
- Your cell phone is off.
- Because I shut it off.
The Yemen Embassy
has been calling for the director.
GIBBS:
Did you tell them she's in Paris?
- Yes.
- Good.
I also told them
you were acting director.
They're sending an attaché
to identify the body.
ATTACHE:
Yes, that is him, Hamal Farhan.
When will the body be released?
When we know how he died
and why.
- You suspect murder?
- | always suspect murder
when a healthy young man
dies of no apparent cause.
Finding the cause of death
could take several days.
Weeks.
It is our request that Mr. Farhan
be turned over to the embassy,
immediately.
Kid must have been
a hell of a gardener.
He had no family in America.
We take care of our own.
This time of night,
the embassy sends an e-mail,
not a cultural attaché, Dr. Temani.
You are acting director of NCIS,
I believe.
The director will be back at the end
of the week if you wanna wait around.
Mr. Farhan wanted to attend
an American university,
but was repeatedly denied
a student visa.
- So he took up gardening?
- Only on paper.
He stops at the embassy every Friday,
just to pick up a paycheque.
- He was connected.
- Yes.
The son of one of
the prime minister's advisers.
Hamal wanted to learn English
and study American culture.
Nothing more.
- Did I say there was?
- No.
But I know what you're thinking.
Hamal was not the type
to be involved with terrorism.
He asked to be brought
to NCIS for a reason.
I cannot imagine why.
The last person from your country
who asked to talk to NCIS was killed.
- When was that?
- October 10th, 2000.
Two days before the terrorist attack
on the USS Cole.
TONY: Do you know
Maury Goldberg, Thomas West,
Adam Zeileg, Sean Price,
or Hamal Farhan?
MAN [ON PHONE]: Adam West?
- No, not Adam West.
Adam Zeileg or Thomas West.
MAN:
Burt Ward's a good friend of mine.
You know Burt Ward?
Really? Holy molars.
[TONY CHUCKLES]
No kidding. On The Simpsons?
Which one?
Is that the one with the Muslim guy
on the bike?
Uh, well, thanks for your help,
Mr. Brown.
[WHISPERS]
Tell Burt Tony says hi.
I know, boss. This isn't TV trivia.
A dead man was left on our doorstep
clutching a hit list.
Well, not exactly clutching,
but with a hit list in his wallet.
And we have to find
the two names on the list
that haven't been hit yet
before they are hit.
- No, DiNozzo.
- No?
We have to find the dirtbag
that killed the other five.
- Agent Gibbs?
- What?
Justice called on the Scoletti case.
They've granted the defence
permission to do ballistics tests.
Tell Special Agent Gillman
this is his case.
As acting director,
you have to sign off on it.
ZIVA:
We were hoping you might be able...
We still have those case files
to review.
We can do them later.
- Joe Kelly.
McGEE: Uh, legit.
He's had a hack licence in DC.
for 22 years.
Other than a couple
minor traffic violations, he's clean.
He has been here a while.
Should we release him?
- If I wanted him released, McGee--
- You would have told me.
Scoletti's lawyers have a hired gun
coming in to check Abby's ballistics.
- Tell Abby.
- I'd rather not.
It wasn't a request.
ZIVA: When is the director returning?
TONY: Sometime tomorrow.
- I don't think Gibbs is going to last--
MAN [ON PHONE]: Hello?
- Yes.
MAN: Yeah?
Mr. Smith. I'm calling from NCIS.
Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
They're questioning the validity
of my ballistics?
Scoletti's lawyers are desperate.
They're desperate.
They're like drowning men grasping--
At thin polystyrene tubes?
I was gonna say straws,
but I do like that idiom better.
Well, because mine's
more accurate.
I mean, does saying
"grasping at straws"
tell you if they're made out of paper
or glass or metal or polystyrene? No.
I pride myself on the accuracy
of my forensics.
And lawyers?
Lawyers are questioning it.
Abby, they don't know you
like we know you.
Okay, they're hoping
that you made a mistake.
But when their ballistic experts
don't find any,
that makes your forensics
all the more damning in court.
So please do not let
desperate lawyers
grasping at thin polystyrene tubes
upset you.
Please?
Mm. I love you, McGee.
Not like "love you" love you.
Not that I don't love you,
because I do, uh, kind of.
You know, like the way
I love puppies.
I could have done
without that comparison.
But I love puppies.
You'll just have to wait.
They can't hold me here overnight.
My wife doesn't believe
I'm being held by Navy cops.
He's a material witness.
Thanks, pal.
You know how wives are.
They don't trust you
as far as they can kick you.
- I wouldn't know. Never married.
- How did you get away?
After a while, women,
theyjust don't like me.
What do you do?
Leave the toilet lid up?
I know when they're lying.
Men too.
- From the top.
- Ah...
The guy was my first fare.
Flagged me down
outside Kelsey's bar on 25th.
[TONY EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Done.
ZIVA: I have a dozen Smiths left.
Wanna take half of them?
[LAUGHING]
I don't think so.
Hey, I'll make it worth your wow.
While, not wow.
ZIVA:
Wow makes more sense.
You're right. Wow would be better.
Then you'll help me?
No.
- Hey.
- Did you call to apologise?
Uh, yeah. You're right.
I was in a rush.
[should have taken more time.
Me too.
I sprung that house on you.
- That was a surprise.
- Are you willing to look at it with me?
[LAUGHS]
- Look? Yeah. When?
- Saturday.
Deal.
JEANNE:
I gotta go.
I love you, Tony.
I love you too, Jeanne.
McGEE: Come on. You can tell us
what you’re feeling.
ABBY:
Stop nagging my baby
or you can plot the mass spectrum
on a graph yourself, McGee.
Perfect.
You know what they say
about the watched pot, right?
- Don't you have something to do?
- No.
Not until Major Mass Spec tells me
if Farhan was poisoned or not.
Be a good boy and go get me Scoletti's
weapon out of the evidence locker.
You're gonna run
another ballistics test?
No, I've already
quadruple checked that.
But the serial number
was filed off of the weapon.
| used an acid-etching solution
to lift it up.
I'm gonna
quadruple check that now.
Abby, you did not make an error.
By the time you get back,
the kettle will be whistling.
[MACHINE BEEPING]
If not sooner.
- Saxitoxin?
- Never heard of it.
It's a neurotoxin.
It's found in most cases
of paralytic shellfish poisoning.
- He ate a bad clam?
- I don't know.
- What are you looking for?
- Gibbs.
He has this uncanny way
ofjust showing up
whenever I make a discovery.
He's a little bit off his game
since he's been playing director.
GIBBS [ON MONITOR]:
Is that so, McGee?
Both of you get down here.
Saxitoxin is produced
by a single-cell organism
that flourishes in the warm months.
It is eaten
by oysters, clams, mussels,
and is responsible for the deadly
phenomenon known as red tide.
The poison disrupts
the electrical impulses to the brain.
And the body basically forgets
how to breathe, how to live.
And it's practically undetectable.
Good work, my dear.
ABBY: Thank you, Ducky.
DUCKY: You're welcome.
Whenever you two are done.
Yes, well, six-tenths of a milligram
could kill an adult.
That level is consistent with,
well, for example,
improperly prepared fugu.
It's a blowfish. Japanese delicacy.
- Farhan's death was accidental?
- Not likely. His stomach was empty.
Even if it wasn't, the saxitoxin levels
were a hundred times higher
than he could have possibly consumed
by eating shellfish.
There's nothing in nature
with that high of a concentration.
During the '50s,
a suicide pill was synthesized
using contaminated butter clams.
- By who?
- Our old friends, the CIA.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Shepard.
KORT [ON PHONE]:
Colonel General Borov.
Who is this?
I have located him.
Place de la Concorde.
Circle the obelisk.
I'll be waiting where Marie
lost her head.
Place de la Concorde.
- And hit it.
- Yes, director.
[CHATTERING]
[ELEVATOR BUZZES]
[GRUNTING]
There he is. Pull over.
After Pulp Fiction, a gun aimed
my way in a car makes me nervous.
Put it away, Hektor.
And turn around, Hektor.
This is to be a private conversation.
Colonel General Borov.
- No foreplay?
- No time.
So American.
Is La Grenouille in Paris?
That's better.
No.
He is in Nice.
I'm joining him later tonight.
Why is the CIA helping me?
Perhaps we believe
in righting a wrong.
Colonel General Borov's address.
He's in a hospital?
Dying of lung cancer.
Pull over by the bridge.
There's an e-ticket in your name
with a visa at Charles de Gaulle.
Aeroflot flight SU 252 to Moscow.
It departs in three hours.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
[ELEVATOR BUZZES]
[GATE ALARM BUZZES]
We're trying to establish a timeline
of Farhan's final ride, Gibbs.
Taxicab's onboard computer
tracked his movements with a GPS,
and determined the fare
based on how many zones it crossed.
Our cabby did not take the most
direct route from the embassy.
This is America, Ziva,
land of opportunity.
No cabby ever takes
the quickest route.
Dropped down along the river,
circumvented the city centre.
How much?
Twenty-seven dollars, 65 cents.
I hope you guys are on overtime.
Is this the route you took
to the Navy Yard this afternoon?
- More or less.
- More.
The fare was 27.65.
It does not match the distance
you said you travelled.
There was traffic.
I was trying to avoid it.
Got jammed up.
He wasn't complaining, you know?
Because he was dead.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
The wife. I'm gonna take this because
she scares me more than you guys.
- Thelma?
- I made the switch.
Now, get us the hell out of here.
I'm trying, Thelma. I'm trying.
Yeah, well, try harder, sweet pea.
They're gonna let me go soon.
Well, they better,
or you're gonna end up like your fare.
Love you too, sweetheart.
- Thelma's really getting worried.
- The route.
Okay, so maybe I took
the long way around.
What cabby doesn't now and then?
Report me to the commission.
I'll report myself to the commission.
Just tell me we're done.
Tell me I can get my cab
and go home to Thelma.
Abby's done with the taxi,
and he's been here all day.
GIBBS: Call the front gate.
- Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[ZIVA CHUCKLING]
Just go home to your wife.
Did I tell you Thelma and I are gonna
take a cruise to the Bahamas?
Bingo. So how did it get there,
Abigail?
GIBBS: What are we watching?
- It's an NSA decryption programme
scanning all possible connections
between people on the list.
TONY: There's a 5 and a 3
in their Social Security numbers.
Except for Farhan, who didn't have
a Social Security card.
- I have the numbers 3 and 5 in mine.
- Me too.
- That's it. No other connections.
TONY: Nope.
No common churches, social clubs,
schools, fraternities, nothing.
The only place these people ever met
was in the obituaries.
Pull up the full pages
of the obituaries.
Where do your eyes go to?
The photos.
You think their names
were randomly picked from the obits?
It gives the appearance of a hit list.
The only one actually murdered
was Farhan.
- Why?
- To distract us.
Gibbs. Gibbs. Gibbs.
Unless this foam grew legs,
something weird is going on.
Not that polyurethane foam growing
legs isn't weird in the first place.
But this is the foam that we found
on the floor of the taxi.
- And this foam is exactly the same.
GIBBS: The point?
Well, I just found this foam
inside evidence lockup.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
David.
Too late. He's gone.
VINCETTI: Speed it up.
KELLY: Fifteen's the limit.
- Never had my ass give me orders.
VINCETTI: What?
KELLY:
Main gate's coming up.
Hi. NCIS call about me?
They did, sir.
KELLY: Whoa.
- Both hands on the wheel.
Okay. Okay. Whatever you say.
Step out of the taxi.
Hands on the wheel or step out?
I can't do both.
Guess.
KELLY:
Oh, man.
KEENER:
Both hands on the hood.
What is this, Baghdad?
Gibbs. Thank God you're here.
Tell these gyrenes I can go.
- Clear.
- Clear? It's empty.
- Front or back?
KELLY: What?
GIBBS:
Which seat?
Which seat?
What are you talking about?
The accomplice you smuggled
into the evidence lockup.
Accomplice?
Thelma looks like you
when she's pissed,
only she doesn't have a gun,
thank God.
Front or back?
- Front. Front.
GIBBS: Name.
Mario Vincetti.
Mario. Special Agent Gibbs.
Come out slowly, hands first.
KELLY:
There's no sense in getting--
VINCETTI:
God, don't shoot. I'm coming out.
[VINCETTI GRUNTING]
I said drive faster.
ZIVA:
And to think I pitied a murderer.
KELLY:
Murderer?
That guy was murdered?
I didn't know.
I ain't no murderer.
Mario told me the guy was a stiff
they got from a funeral home.
Tell them.
- Let Scoletti's lawyers do the talking.
McGEE: Come on.
Scoletti's lawyers
got us into this mess.
VINCETTI: Shut up.
McGEE: Settle down.
I didn't know they killed the guy.
I was gonna get 10 grand,
take Thelma on a Princess Cruise
to the Bahamas.
Second honeymoon.
We never had a first.
Tell her enough with the evil eye.
It reminds me of my mother.
You're comparing me to your mother?
Just the eyes.
And maybe a little around the mouth.
Permission to shoot.
Oh.
[WOMAN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
And you come all the way
from America to see my grandfather?
Actually, I was in Paris
when I found out he was ill.
He's dying. This week, perhaps next.
- Lung cancer.
- I'm sorry.
Still, you must have flown
half the day to get here.
I'm writing my father's biography.
He and the colonel general
were close friends.
They were adversaries, yes?
Sometimes, adversaries make
the best friends.
Most days the morphine affects
his memory.
Let's hope this isn't one of them.
[DARYA SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Stuff the crocus.
Do you have a cigarette?
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Cigarettes put you here.
Oh, what they gonna do,
kill me twice?
[CHUCKLES]
[BOROV COUGHING]
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
It appears to be a good day.
I will find a vase.
Do you have a cigarette?
Mm.
[BOROV COUGHING]
Your father and I swapped
Cuban cigars for American cigarettes.
[COUGHS]
Like vodka.
It does not burn so much
the second time.
You did not come all this way
to watch an old man die.
No.
I came for your signature.
What does it say?
That you verified the destruction
of Warsaw Pact weapons
that were, in fact,
acquired by an arms dealer
known as La Grenouille.
- You angry at your father?
- No.
Why would you even think that?
[COUGHS]
We had to mutually verify.
La Grenouille paid him too.
That's a lie.
A dying man does not lie.
- Ask your father.
- My father's dead.
He beat me to it.
- When?
- Twelve years ago.
[LAUGHS]
The old fox.
One last move in the game, huh?
[LAUGHS]
My father has been dead since '95.
He stood where you stand...
...three weeks ago,
smoking a cigar.
sure take this stuff seriously.
Might as well get comfortable,
this could take some time.
Check the ID, check the trunk.
No dogs, hate dogs.
Dogs are a pain in the ass. Heh.
Never met a dog
that didn't wanna try to bite me.
Looking for bombs or bin Laden,
I guess.
- Clear.
- Finally.
MARINE:
Proceed.
SANCHEZ:
Morning, sir.
- Photo ID and pop the trunk, please.
KELLY: Sure thing.
SANCHEZ: Drop off?
- Guy says he wants to see someone
at NCIS.
MARINE:
Clear.
Lower the window, please, sir.
Hey, buddy,
lady needs to see some ID.
Photo ID, please, sir.
Sir, step out of the vehicle, please.
MAN [ON TV]: The mortar barrage
is the latest in a series of attacks.
C YNTHIA: These files
have to be reviewed by Friday.
GIBBS: Mm-hm. I'll get to them.
- Tomorrow's Friday.
Had a wife like you once, Cynthia.
- I divorced her.
- Beat her to it, did you?
[SIGHS]
- You didn't read it.
- Scoletti case.
I know the case agent, Jeff Gillman.
He's a good man.
The director doesn't want Justice
not going to trial
because of a procedural error.
Well, then the director should be here
instead of shopping in Paris all week.
An Interpol antiterrorist conference
isn't shopping.
Yeah.
- Know him too?
- Yep.
Don't worry. Justice has its own
procedural problems.
Who's Special Agent Grisham?
Transferred in from San Diego.
Hollywood special agent.
- Rejected.
- You have to give a reason.
[PHONE RINGING]
It's her private line.
JEN [ON PHONE]:
Hello, Cynthia.
Hello?
Cynthia?
No.
Jethro.
I should have recognised
the heavy breathing.
Is the agency intact?
I cut it up into small bitsy pieces
and sold it to the three-letter boys.
I take it walking in my heels
has presented a challenge.
Well, I accepted some
speaking requests for you.
JEN [ON PHONE]:
Which speaking requests?
Women for Women,
Saint Paul, Minnesota chapter.
The eighth-grade class of
Hondo Middle School in Hondo, Texas.
The teacher, she's, uh--
She's an admirer.
Society of Preservation
for Barbershop Quartets.
You're not serious, Jethro.
Well, about the barbershop quartets?
No, no, I'm not.
But I did accept six, seven, eight,
nine others for you.
Put Cynthia on.
Hey, how's the frog...
...legs?
You always enjoyed them
sautéed in butter.
Cynthia, now.
Yes, director.
Tell me you didn't
send out acceptances
for speaking engagements.
- Of course not, director.
- Thank you, Cynthia.
You have just earned yourself
an Hermes scarf.
Thank you, director.
[MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Put him back on.
Yes?
Is there any serious business
I should know about?
Well, the Buy America toilet paper
doesn't fit the metric fixtures.
And we 've got a truck--
[DIAL TONE]
She hung up on me.
- Shocking.
-Hmm.
[RINGS]
Did you call back to apologise?
Uh, I don't know what you heard,
boss, but I was not the one
who started that pool.
What pool is that, DiNozzo?
- On the case.
- What case?
There's-a-dead-body-in-the-taxi-
at—the-main-gate case?
I'll be right there.
C YNTHIA: The case files.
- Leave them on my desk.
They are on your desk.
DUCKY: It's not often we get
to walk to a crime scene.
If this is a crime scene.
There's no blood, no bullet holes,
no knife punctures.
No obvious signs of bruising.
No ligature marks.
No petechial haemorrhaging
on the eye or eyelid.
- Natural causes?
- There's nothing natural
about a man of his age
keeling over in a taxicab.
TONY:
Maybe he died of embarrassment
when he couldn't
pay the cab fare.
Ha, ha. Alas, death by embarrassment
is not a certifiable cause,
however intriguing the notion.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Excuse me, Ducky.
It's about time that boy fell in love.
TONY: Hey.
- I found a house.
House? I thought we were renting
an apartment.
No, we're buying a house.
TONY [ON PHONE]:
Buying?
It's the most adorable
little bungalow, Tony.
Only Hollywood has bungalows,
Jeanne.
You don't wanna buy
a house with me?
- I love playing house with you.
- Not the same thing.
Can I call you back tonight?
My boss is on his way over
and he doesn't look very happy.
I thought you ran things over there.
I do. Just not all the time.
Um, we'll play house tonight.
Hey, I win the pool.
TONY: Wait a minute.
How do you figure that?
Well, I predicted that Gibbs would last
four days as director
before reverting to working a case.
This is Thursday. Four days.
He is not working the case.
He's just...
...curious.
Every time he's been at the crime
scene, he's been there to investigate.
How is today different?
He is in the Navy Yard because that's
where the director's office is located.
Huh. Let's ask him.
So you would have Gibbs
give up his post as acting director
just to win a $50 pool?
Yes.
Hmm. I guess it's true what they say
about the Scotsman.
I trust that if Gibbs is more than
just curious, you will inform me.
Scout's honour.
You said you were never
in the Boy Scouts.
I was an Alpha Chi Delta Wet T-shirt
Spring Break Talent Scout.
Does that count?
Give me some love.
You gave that man too much
to swallow in one bite, Dr. Benoit.
It's a house, Carly. Not a steak.
From rental apartment
to buying a house in one phone call?
Are you crazy?
You've gotta take these things slow.
Toss a few home magazines around.
Leave the real estate section
of the Sunday paper next to the toilet.
Well, he does crossword puzzles
in there.
Okay, talk to him about it
when he's vulnerable.
JEANNE:
Hmm.
Tony's never vulnerable.
Not even when you put on
your best bedside manner?
ZIVA:
Driver's name is Joe Kelly.
He says the victim hailed him on 25th
Street and told him to bring him here.
- To see?
- Us.
He did not specify a particular agent.
Mr. Kelly, did you ever see
your fare before?
- Never.
GIBBS: Did he seem injured
or ill when you picked him up?
Not really.
He was kind of out of breath.
- Like he was running?
- Yeah.
He kept looking back over his shoulder
like someone might be following us.
- Were they?
- Good luck tailing in DC. traffic.
- Did he speak to you?
- Not a word.
As usual, I did all the talking.
Passes the time, you know.
I passed the time, he passed away,
poor guy.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah, Gibbs.
C YNTHIA: SECNA V is holding, sir.
- SECNAV? Tell him--
- I told him
you were on the Navy Yard
and available, sir.
Cynthia, don't ever tell anybody
I'm available
until I tell you I'm available, okay?
- Yes, sir.
- Put him through.
Is that the director on the phone?
- SECNAV.
- I wonder what Gibbs did wrong.
Slipped into Jenny's heels.
- Uh, Ziva, take the driver's statement.
ZIVA: I already did.
McGee, crime scene photos,
- finish them.
- Yeah, I finished them.
- You get an ID?
TONY: Yeah.
The photo on the Yemeni's
driver's licence matches the victim's.
Hamal Farhan.
- No buzzers.
- Bells.
GIBBS: What else?
- List.
Seven names on it.
Farhan is number five.
Whatever he wanted to tell us
had something to do with this list.
- Find everyone on it.
- Director, does that mean you're--?
I'm heading the investigation.
Hey, Duck.
- You win the pool.
- Yes. Thank you, Jethro.
And I didn't do anything wrong,
McGee.
Black Rose has countered
our ejection seat bid.
How does the POB hope to maintain
a classical ballet company
if there are no classical works
scheduled?
I have no idea.
Black Rose, René?
What is La Dame's bid?
Um...
Twenty thousand euros per seat.
Double it.
I know you want to corner the market
on F-14 components, René,
but even if the Iranian
paid top euros,
by the time we split the shipment
for transport--
We're not splitting
the shipment now. Hmm?
It's all going on La Tortue.
She sails for Hormuz on the 23rd.
If the Americans stop her,
you risk losing not only
the components but the ship.
Sixty-eight million and change.
Regine, the US. Navy
will seize La Tortue
after she enters the Persian Gulf.
Don't you know Americans pay more
to keep their F-14 parts
out of Iranian hands
than the Iranians pay to get them?
So just double it.
Nice in 20 minutes.
Time to refresh.
A friend in the GRU informs me
that NCIS Naples
is quietly trying to locate a former
Colonel General Dimitri Borov.
[LAUGHS]
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
- She is relentless.
KORT: Does that surprise you?
She is the first female director
of an armed federal agency.
Have they located
Colonel General Dimitri Borov?
Not yet.
Perhaps they should.
I've been hacking cabs for 22 years.
Never had a fare die on me.
A couple of heart attacks,
a suicide attempt or two,
- but none of them died.
- Till now.
Anyone who does something
for 22 years must love it.
Are you kidding?
It's the best job in the world.
So now you think I'm crazy, right?
Well, here's the thing.
My best friend, I met him in the cab.
The guy who does my taxes,
I met him in the cab.
Poker buddies, met them in the cab.
I even met my wife in the cab.
Well, three out of four ain't bad.
Ha, ha.
This is your statement. Read it.
If you agree, sign it.
I think we should, uh,
call for a re-count.
- On what?
- Ducky winning the pool.
Gibbs is up in the director's office,
directing, right?
And we're working the case.
He's not.
[McGEE TYPING]
Because he's waiting for an update.
Which I'm gonna do,
as soon as Mr. Kelly signs and leaves.
I can go?
You can go to the head
or our conference room.
Well, he said I could leave.
Well, what I say doesn't count
when the boss is here.
Like me when the wife is around.
- Mr. Kelly.
- Lead the way.
ZIVA:
Follow me.
GIBBS: Update.
- McGee.
According to Immigration,
Hamal Farhan
applied for a student visa twice,
and was turned down twice.
Granted a six-month tourist visa,
a year and a half ago.
Even if he had it extended for a year,
he's here illegally.
Should we notify Immigration
and deport him?
[CHUCKLES]
TONY:
That's a good one, boss.
McGEE: Uh, actually, his visa
was extended indefinitely.
Yemen added Farhan
to their embassy personnel.
What are you trying to do,
make me look bad?
Ijust read it.
Added as what?
A gardener.
ZIVA:
In here.
Anything I can get you, Mr. Kelly?
My cab so I can leave.
To eat or drink?
Philly cheese steak and a beer
would be nice.
No alcoholic beverages allowed.
I will work on your sandwich.
Are you gonna lock me in?
Uh, no. But there will be
an escort outside the door.
Is that another name for a guard?
Thelma, you're never gonna believe
where I am.
No, I'm not at Kelsey's bar.
- How did he die, Duck?
- Quickly, Jethro.
As the meter ticked over,
and without the driver even noticing.
And whatever caused his demise
is not evident from my autopsy.
There was no sign of violence.
No lumps, bumps,
- punctures or holes.
- Drug overdose?
Well, I can't say for certain
till I receive Abby's report.
But he didn't die of a cardiac infarction,
which is how most overdoses kill.
His heart shows no sign
of coronary artery disease.
In fact, it's in excellent condition,
as can be said of all your organs.
Pity they couldn't
all have been donated.
They were all so healthy.
- Poison?
- Well, it's the most likely culprit.
But again, I await Abigail.
I thought you were supposed
to solve these riddles, Duck.
Abby and I like to share.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Right.
That wouldn't have been
your assistant, would it, director?
I do hate a nagging woman, Duck.
She's only doing her job, Jethro.
Ah. Abby.
Any news on the tox screen?
Abby. Abby, are you there?
Oh. I guess she must have...
...gone.
ABBY: Oh, this cab
is bringing back memories.
Cheap vinyl, plastic divider,
dirty floors.
Actually, these floors are pretty clean.
The ones I remember were dirty.
Let me guess.
Short-lived career as a cabby?
Ah, a short-lived encounter.
- A ship in the night.
- Ooh.
My first time.
For what?
McGEE:
Front seat or back?
Back. Well, both, kind of.
Oh!
My first time
was in a weapons carrier.
- Of course it was.
- Of course it was.
Where was the cabby when this,
um, encounter took place?
He was a cabby.
Putting himself through school.
- It was his first time too.
- First time for what?
Seeing a curling match, Gibbs.
Have you ever seen a curling match?
The pristine ice
and those little brooms that sweep.
It's a clean cab.
So, um, what killed him?
Heart attack?
GIBBS:
No, Ducky ruled out a heart attack.
Poison looks better all the time.
Well, Major Mass Spectrometer
is working as fast as he can.
Make him work faster, Abby.
ABBY:
Yes, sir.
Running shoe.
McGEE: Yeah, that impression
matches Farhan's left foot.
The cab must have been cleaned
before he was picked up.
After he hailed the cab,
like most passengers,
he didn't sit directly
behind the driver.
He crossed his leg like this:
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
ZIVA: Then he died.
- In a very relaxed position.
It may have been a natural death,
Gibbs.
Now, I know he was healthy
and young, but it does happen. SADS.
No, sad. No S.
No. It is SADS.
Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome.
Right. Sorry.
ZIVA:
It can leave the heart looking normal.
McGee, you check out our cabby?
- Uh, not yet. That is my next task.
TONY: Hey, boss.
Five of the seven names found
on the list in Farhan's wallet are dead.
A hit list.
- When?
TONY: First died three weeks ago.
The last, not including Farhan,
Monday.
TONY: SADS?
- Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome.
I know what it is.
It's number two on the list.
Sean Price, 24. Died of SADS.
- The others?
TONY: Heart attack.
- Or a blown autopsy.
- No autopsy. He was 79.
One car crash, one drowning.
One list, five people.
You and Ziva find the two live names
on this list. Look for a connection.
David Brown and Robert Smith.
There will be dozens of them.
| read the obits.
If there's a connection, I didn't see it.
- Oh, there's a connection.
TONY: What?
They're all dead.
Relax, Thelma.
They won't keep me here overnight.
I'll be out of here soon.
- Right, boss?
- I'm not your boss.
Right now it sure feels like it.
- When did you have the cab cleaned?
- I got it that way from dispatch.
- How many fares before Farhan?
- He was my first.
He was looking over his shoulder?
Till he was sure we weren't
being tailed. Then he relaxed.
Maybe Ijust thought he relaxed,
seeing how he was dead.
- Can I get my cab and go now?
- Not yet.
I am very relieved that none of the
deceased are your friends or relatives.
TONY:
Hi, may I speak with David Brown?
ZIVA: Yes, I am certain they are dead.
TONY: Thanks.
- Oh, no, no. Iwouldn't send flowers.
TONY: May I speak with David Brown?
If you wish to send a sympathy card,
I am sure it would be very appreciated.
WOMAN: You have a good life.
- Oh, you have a good life too.
I wouldn't normally ask, but since
you don't know the deceased,
I was wondering if you'd be interested
in subscribing to our DVD club?
It's mostly East German films,
because I have a very special--
[PHONE CLICKS
THEN TONY LAUGHS]
TONY:
Gets them off the line fast every time.
Hey, boss, 32 David Browns
in the metro area.
So far I've talked to four.
Forty-one Robert Smiths. Two.
- I notified the Yemen Embassy of--
C YNTHIA: Director Gibbs.
- Your cell phone is off.
- Because I shut it off.
The Yemen Embassy
has been calling for the director.
GIBBS:
Did you tell them she's in Paris?
- Yes.
- Good.
I also told them
you were acting director.
They're sending an attaché
to identify the body.
ATTACHE:
Yes, that is him, Hamal Farhan.
When will the body be released?
When we know how he died
and why.
- You suspect murder?
- | always suspect murder
when a healthy young man
dies of no apparent cause.
Finding the cause of death
could take several days.
Weeks.
It is our request that Mr. Farhan
be turned over to the embassy,
immediately.
Kid must have been
a hell of a gardener.
He had no family in America.
We take care of our own.
This time of night,
the embassy sends an e-mail,
not a cultural attaché, Dr. Temani.
You are acting director of NCIS,
I believe.
The director will be back at the end
of the week if you wanna wait around.
Mr. Farhan wanted to attend
an American university,
but was repeatedly denied
a student visa.
- So he took up gardening?
- Only on paper.
He stops at the embassy every Friday,
just to pick up a paycheque.
- He was connected.
- Yes.
The son of one of
the prime minister's advisers.
Hamal wanted to learn English
and study American culture.
Nothing more.
- Did I say there was?
- No.
But I know what you're thinking.
Hamal was not the type
to be involved with terrorism.
He asked to be brought
to NCIS for a reason.
I cannot imagine why.
The last person from your country
who asked to talk to NCIS was killed.
- When was that?
- October 10th, 2000.
Two days before the terrorist attack
on the USS Cole.
TONY: Do you know
Maury Goldberg, Thomas West,
Adam Zeileg, Sean Price,
or Hamal Farhan?
MAN [ON PHONE]: Adam West?
- No, not Adam West.
Adam Zeileg or Thomas West.
MAN:
Burt Ward's a good friend of mine.
You know Burt Ward?
Really? Holy molars.
[TONY CHUCKLES]
No kidding. On The Simpsons?
Which one?
Is that the one with the Muslim guy
on the bike?
Uh, well, thanks for your help,
Mr. Brown.
[WHISPERS]
Tell Burt Tony says hi.
I know, boss. This isn't TV trivia.
A dead man was left on our doorstep
clutching a hit list.
Well, not exactly clutching,
but with a hit list in his wallet.
And we have to find
the two names on the list
that haven't been hit yet
before they are hit.
- No, DiNozzo.
- No?
We have to find the dirtbag
that killed the other five.
- Agent Gibbs?
- What?
Justice called on the Scoletti case.
They've granted the defence
permission to do ballistics tests.
Tell Special Agent Gillman
this is his case.
As acting director,
you have to sign off on it.
ZIVA:
We were hoping you might be able...
We still have those case files
to review.
We can do them later.
- Joe Kelly.
McGEE: Uh, legit.
He's had a hack licence in DC.
for 22 years.
Other than a couple
minor traffic violations, he's clean.
He has been here a while.
Should we release him?
- If I wanted him released, McGee--
- You would have told me.
Scoletti's lawyers have a hired gun
coming in to check Abby's ballistics.
- Tell Abby.
- I'd rather not.
It wasn't a request.
ZIVA: When is the director returning?
TONY: Sometime tomorrow.
- I don't think Gibbs is going to last--
MAN [ON PHONE]: Hello?
- Yes.
MAN: Yeah?
Mr. Smith. I'm calling from NCIS.
Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
They're questioning the validity
of my ballistics?
Scoletti's lawyers are desperate.
They're desperate.
They're like drowning men grasping--
At thin polystyrene tubes?
I was gonna say straws,
but I do like that idiom better.
Well, because mine's
more accurate.
I mean, does saying
"grasping at straws"
tell you if they're made out of paper
or glass or metal or polystyrene? No.
I pride myself on the accuracy
of my forensics.
And lawyers?
Lawyers are questioning it.
Abby, they don't know you
like we know you.
Okay, they're hoping
that you made a mistake.
But when their ballistic experts
don't find any,
that makes your forensics
all the more damning in court.
So please do not let
desperate lawyers
grasping at thin polystyrene tubes
upset you.
Please?
Mm. I love you, McGee.
Not like "love you" love you.
Not that I don't love you,
because I do, uh, kind of.
You know, like the way
I love puppies.
I could have done
without that comparison.
But I love puppies.
You'll just have to wait.
They can't hold me here overnight.
My wife doesn't believe
I'm being held by Navy cops.
He's a material witness.
Thanks, pal.
You know how wives are.
They don't trust you
as far as they can kick you.
- I wouldn't know. Never married.
- How did you get away?
After a while, women,
theyjust don't like me.
What do you do?
Leave the toilet lid up?
I know when they're lying.
Men too.
- From the top.
- Ah...
The guy was my first fare.
Flagged me down
outside Kelsey's bar on 25th.
[TONY EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Done.
ZIVA: I have a dozen Smiths left.
Wanna take half of them?
[LAUGHING]
I don't think so.
Hey, I'll make it worth your wow.
While, not wow.
ZIVA:
Wow makes more sense.
You're right. Wow would be better.
Then you'll help me?
No.
- Hey.
- Did you call to apologise?
Uh, yeah. You're right.
I was in a rush.
[should have taken more time.
Me too.
I sprung that house on you.
- That was a surprise.
- Are you willing to look at it with me?
[LAUGHS]
- Look? Yeah. When?
- Saturday.
Deal.
JEANNE:
I gotta go.
I love you, Tony.
I love you too, Jeanne.
McGEE: Come on. You can tell us
what you’re feeling.
ABBY:
Stop nagging my baby
or you can plot the mass spectrum
on a graph yourself, McGee.
Perfect.
You know what they say
about the watched pot, right?
- Don't you have something to do?
- No.
Not until Major Mass Spec tells me
if Farhan was poisoned or not.
Be a good boy and go get me Scoletti's
weapon out of the evidence locker.
You're gonna run
another ballistics test?
No, I've already
quadruple checked that.
But the serial number
was filed off of the weapon.
| used an acid-etching solution
to lift it up.
I'm gonna
quadruple check that now.
Abby, you did not make an error.
By the time you get back,
the kettle will be whistling.
[MACHINE BEEPING]
If not sooner.
- Saxitoxin?
- Never heard of it.
It's a neurotoxin.
It's found in most cases
of paralytic shellfish poisoning.
- He ate a bad clam?
- I don't know.
- What are you looking for?
- Gibbs.
He has this uncanny way
ofjust showing up
whenever I make a discovery.
He's a little bit off his game
since he's been playing director.
GIBBS [ON MONITOR]:
Is that so, McGee?
Both of you get down here.
Saxitoxin is produced
by a single-cell organism
that flourishes in the warm months.
It is eaten
by oysters, clams, mussels,
and is responsible for the deadly
phenomenon known as red tide.
The poison disrupts
the electrical impulses to the brain.
And the body basically forgets
how to breathe, how to live.
And it's practically undetectable.
Good work, my dear.
ABBY: Thank you, Ducky.
DUCKY: You're welcome.
Whenever you two are done.
Yes, well, six-tenths of a milligram
could kill an adult.
That level is consistent with,
well, for example,
improperly prepared fugu.
It's a blowfish. Japanese delicacy.
- Farhan's death was accidental?
- Not likely. His stomach was empty.
Even if it wasn't, the saxitoxin levels
were a hundred times higher
than he could have possibly consumed
by eating shellfish.
There's nothing in nature
with that high of a concentration.
During the '50s,
a suicide pill was synthesized
using contaminated butter clams.
- By who?
- Our old friends, the CIA.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Shepard.
KORT [ON PHONE]:
Colonel General Borov.
Who is this?
I have located him.
Place de la Concorde.
Circle the obelisk.
I'll be waiting where Marie
lost her head.
Place de la Concorde.
- And hit it.
- Yes, director.
[CHATTERING]
[ELEVATOR BUZZES]
[GRUNTING]
There he is. Pull over.
After Pulp Fiction, a gun aimed
my way in a car makes me nervous.
Put it away, Hektor.
And turn around, Hektor.
This is to be a private conversation.
Colonel General Borov.
- No foreplay?
- No time.
So American.
Is La Grenouille in Paris?
That's better.
No.
He is in Nice.
I'm joining him later tonight.
Why is the CIA helping me?
Perhaps we believe
in righting a wrong.
Colonel General Borov's address.
He's in a hospital?
Dying of lung cancer.
Pull over by the bridge.
There's an e-ticket in your name
with a visa at Charles de Gaulle.
Aeroflot flight SU 252 to Moscow.
It departs in three hours.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
[ELEVATOR BUZZES]
[GATE ALARM BUZZES]
We're trying to establish a timeline
of Farhan's final ride, Gibbs.
Taxicab's onboard computer
tracked his movements with a GPS,
and determined the fare
based on how many zones it crossed.
Our cabby did not take the most
direct route from the embassy.
This is America, Ziva,
land of opportunity.
No cabby ever takes
the quickest route.
Dropped down along the river,
circumvented the city centre.
How much?
Twenty-seven dollars, 65 cents.
I hope you guys are on overtime.
Is this the route you took
to the Navy Yard this afternoon?
- More or less.
- More.
The fare was 27.65.
It does not match the distance
you said you travelled.
There was traffic.
I was trying to avoid it.
Got jammed up.
He wasn't complaining, you know?
Because he was dead.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
The wife. I'm gonna take this because
she scares me more than you guys.
- Thelma?
- I made the switch.
Now, get us the hell out of here.
I'm trying, Thelma. I'm trying.
Yeah, well, try harder, sweet pea.
They're gonna let me go soon.
Well, they better,
or you're gonna end up like your fare.
Love you too, sweetheart.
- Thelma's really getting worried.
- The route.
Okay, so maybe I took
the long way around.
What cabby doesn't now and then?
Report me to the commission.
I'll report myself to the commission.
Just tell me we're done.
Tell me I can get my cab
and go home to Thelma.
Abby's done with the taxi,
and he's been here all day.
GIBBS: Call the front gate.
- Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[ZIVA CHUCKLING]
Just go home to your wife.
Did I tell you Thelma and I are gonna
take a cruise to the Bahamas?
Bingo. So how did it get there,
Abigail?
GIBBS: What are we watching?
- It's an NSA decryption programme
scanning all possible connections
between people on the list.
TONY: There's a 5 and a 3
in their Social Security numbers.
Except for Farhan, who didn't have
a Social Security card.
- I have the numbers 3 and 5 in mine.
- Me too.
- That's it. No other connections.
TONY: Nope.
No common churches, social clubs,
schools, fraternities, nothing.
The only place these people ever met
was in the obituaries.
Pull up the full pages
of the obituaries.
Where do your eyes go to?
The photos.
You think their names
were randomly picked from the obits?
It gives the appearance of a hit list.
The only one actually murdered
was Farhan.
- Why?
- To distract us.
Gibbs. Gibbs. Gibbs.
Unless this foam grew legs,
something weird is going on.
Not that polyurethane foam growing
legs isn't weird in the first place.
But this is the foam that we found
on the floor of the taxi.
- And this foam is exactly the same.
GIBBS: The point?
Well, I just found this foam
inside evidence lockup.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
David.
Too late. He's gone.
VINCETTI: Speed it up.
KELLY: Fifteen's the limit.
- Never had my ass give me orders.
VINCETTI: What?
KELLY:
Main gate's coming up.
Hi. NCIS call about me?
They did, sir.
KELLY: Whoa.
- Both hands on the wheel.
Okay. Okay. Whatever you say.
Step out of the taxi.
Hands on the wheel or step out?
I can't do both.
Guess.
KELLY:
Oh, man.
KEENER:
Both hands on the hood.
What is this, Baghdad?
Gibbs. Thank God you're here.
Tell these gyrenes I can go.
- Clear.
- Clear? It's empty.
- Front or back?
KELLY: What?
GIBBS:
Which seat?
Which seat?
What are you talking about?
The accomplice you smuggled
into the evidence lockup.
Accomplice?
Thelma looks like you
when she's pissed,
only she doesn't have a gun,
thank God.
Front or back?
- Front. Front.
GIBBS: Name.
Mario Vincetti.
Mario. Special Agent Gibbs.
Come out slowly, hands first.
KELLY:
There's no sense in getting--
VINCETTI:
God, don't shoot. I'm coming out.
[VINCETTI GRUNTING]
I said drive faster.
ZIVA:
And to think I pitied a murderer.
KELLY:
Murderer?
That guy was murdered?
I didn't know.
I ain't no murderer.
Mario told me the guy was a stiff
they got from a funeral home.
Tell them.
- Let Scoletti's lawyers do the talking.
McGEE: Come on.
Scoletti's lawyers
got us into this mess.
VINCETTI: Shut up.
McGEE: Settle down.
I didn't know they killed the guy.
I was gonna get 10 grand,
take Thelma on a Princess Cruise
to the Bahamas.
Second honeymoon.
We never had a first.
Tell her enough with the evil eye.
It reminds me of my mother.
You're comparing me to your mother?
Just the eyes.
And maybe a little around the mouth.
Permission to shoot.
Oh.
[WOMAN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
And you come all the way
from America to see my grandfather?
Actually, I was in Paris
when I found out he was ill.
He's dying. This week, perhaps next.
- Lung cancer.
- I'm sorry.
Still, you must have flown
half the day to get here.
I'm writing my father's biography.
He and the colonel general
were close friends.
They were adversaries, yes?
Sometimes, adversaries make
the best friends.
Most days the morphine affects
his memory.
Let's hope this isn't one of them.
[DARYA SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Stuff the crocus.
Do you have a cigarette?
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Cigarettes put you here.
Oh, what they gonna do,
kill me twice?
[CHUCKLES]
[BOROV COUGHING]
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
It appears to be a good day.
I will find a vase.
Do you have a cigarette?
Mm.
[BOROV COUGHING]
Your father and I swapped
Cuban cigars for American cigarettes.
[COUGHS]
Like vodka.
It does not burn so much
the second time.
You did not come all this way
to watch an old man die.
No.
I came for your signature.
What does it say?
That you verified the destruction
of Warsaw Pact weapons
that were, in fact,
acquired by an arms dealer
known as La Grenouille.
- You angry at your father?
- No.
Why would you even think that?
[COUGHS]
We had to mutually verify.
La Grenouille paid him too.
That's a lie.
A dying man does not lie.
- Ask your father.
- My father's dead.
He beat me to it.
- When?
- Twelve years ago.
[LAUGHS]
The old fox.
One last move in the game, huh?
[LAUGHS]
My father has been dead since '95.
He stood where you stand...
...three weeks ago,
smoking a cigar.