NCIS (2003–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Switch - full transcript

WOMAN: Well, What do you want?
- I don't care. Whatever you want.

- You don 't care?
- I didn't mean that.

- I'm not that picky.
- How come / always have the ideas?

Why don't you make that thing
you made the first night?

- What was that thing / made?
- It had a green sauce, right?

- You don't even know, do you?
- Do we have to do this now?

- You never remember anything.
- It's our anniversary.

You never listen to me,
you bastard.

Oh!

Jerry.

[TYRES SQUEAL]

Jerry!

Hey, finish that database yet, probie?

Yesterday.

Then it should have been
on my desk yesterday.

I didn't realise a compilation
of nudie bars was that urgent.

- Well, it is.
- Why?

I don't have to explain myself
to a junior agent.

- Okay, is this work-related, because--?
- But I will just this once.

It's a mercy mission, probie.

A buddy of mine is getting married

to a particularly unpleasant
beast of a woman.

- So?
- So?

So the memory
of his bachelor party

will be the only thing
that sustains him

through the rest
of his miserable existence.

|'|| print it out
as soon as I'm finished with this.

On behalf of men everywhere,
we thank you, probie.

What are you working on?

Uh, I'm reviewing
my credit card statement.

There appears
to be some anomalies.

Fifty DVD copies
of Forrest Hump?

Yeah, see, I don't even know
what a Forrest Hump is.

Well, it's like Forrest Gump
with naked people, probie.

- What?
- It's a porno

or so I've been told.

This is obviously an error
with the credit card company.

Oh, or it's identity theft.

No. It's not possible.

I use, uh, a secure browser
and the latest firewall protection.

TONY: Look at that, a $5,000 charge
from John Deere.

A down payment on that combine
you've always dreamed of.

GIBBS:
Put the farm equipment on hold.

A sailor was shot on Route 249.

Tony, grab the gear. Green Acres.

Gas the truck.
Where the hell is David?

- Uh. Boss, Officer David is, uh--
- Late.

I took the wrong bus this morning.

Had to walk
from the 18th Street stop.

That's a tough part of town.

I've been in worse.
Won't happen again, Gibbs.

I know.

[SIREN WAILS]

Special Agent Gibbs?

No, he's the older gentleman
with the smile on his face.

HAMPTON: Agent Gibbs,
car's in the crevice at the bottom.

The victim's dead inside.

Lieutenant Hampton,
Virginia State Police.

The last few yards are pretty steep.

One of the EMTs managed
to make it all the way down.

The fire department's bringing special
equipment to extricate the body.

It's gonna take a while.

- McGee. Sketch.
McGEE: Yo.

Get close enough
without breaking your neck.

- On it.
GIBBS: DiNozzo, photos.

Is there a problem?

You didn't say anything
about my neck.

But I'll be careful.

ZlVA:
What about me?

- Who called it in?
- His wife.

HAMPTON: She was on the phone
with him when it happened.

Officer David, take her statement.

I should warn you
I'm not very good with women.

That'll make two things
you're not very good at today.

- And the first?
GIBBS: Being on time.

- I'm sorry for the delay, Jethro.
PALMER: Yeah, traffic, it was murder.

Sorry, poor choice of words there.

See what you can get, Duck.

- He's trapped in there pretty good.
- Oh, we'll do our best.

I hope you brought more
appropriate footwear, Mr. Palmer.

The journey to our petty officer
looks rather challenging.

Don't worry, doctor.
I have a merit badge in hiking.

I have a driver's licence, Mr. Palmer.

It doesn't mean I turn up
at Indianapolis in my Morgan.

ZlVA: You were on the phone
with him when he was shot?

[SNIFFLING]
He couldn't remember pesto

and it pissed me off.

How stupid is that?

Could you tell me how many shots?

Do you know what the last words
I said to him were?

I called him a bastard.

And I can't take it back.

Not now, I can't.

If it's any consolation, probie,
I had my identity stolen once.

- Really?
- I had a charge on my Visa

for a vintage Barbie doll.

Career Girl outfit.

With the matching briefcase
and pumps?

Oh, well-- Um.

I, I had a, uh, girlfriend
who collected once.

We used to--
We'd line them up on the--

I lost respect for you
at the word "pumps."

Get back to work.

It's kind of hard to sketch
from this distance.

Don't get any closer.
It gets steeper as it gets deeper.

- One false move and--
PALMER: Whoa.

[YELLING]

Look out.

Good hustle, Palmer.

ZlVA: No skid marks. He didn't attempt
to control the car before it went over.

They were having an argument
over a six-month anniversary.

I don't understand the half-year thing.
I thought perhaps--

I don't understand anniversaries,
penod.

Apparently, neither did her husband.

She was screaming at him
when she heard a loud gunshot

followed by the crash.

- What else?
- She could hear a low moan

for a few minutes after impact.

Oh, yeah. I think it's sprained, guys.

Oh, Dr. Mallard's gonna be upset,
isn't he?

Uh. Wouldn't worry about him.

But if Gibbs sees you wearing loafers
at a crime scene...

He'll pretty much kill you dead.

PALMER:
Ah!

[GRUNTING]

DUCKY: They were having
a little trouble with the help.

Nothing for you to worry about.

It's gonna take more time
than usual,

but we're gonna get you out of there,
I promise.

[SHOUTING]
Is anybody gonna join me down here?

McGEE: Well, uh, Gibbs said
not to get too close.

Yeah, you really shouldn't be
down there, Ducky. It's not safe.

The exit wound
to the petty officer's neck

seems to indicate
the bullet went straight through.

There could be a spent round

that might be crucial
to our investigation.

Well, as you've pointed out many
times, I'm just a junior field agent.

All the more reason
you need the experience, probie.

How about I follow in your footsteps?
You lead the way.

How about you kiss
my experienced buttocks?

Am I gonna have to call Jethro
on this one, gentlemen?

No, we're good.

The chances of finding
that bullet are--

One in a million.

You gotta see this, Gibbs.

The grooves made that pattern.

It's the exact same design as the cover
of Classic Death's second CD.

Don't tell me you don't know
Classic Death,

- because it's, like, my favourite--
GIBBS: Not now, Abby.

But it could be a sign, Gibbs.

Like that tortilla skillet
with the image of Jesus in it.

- They thought that was a miracle.
- It'll be a miracle if you still have a job

if you don't get back on topic.

I see your point, O Great One.

This is me getting back on topic.

Nine millimetre, 120 grain.

The window was rolled up
when he was shot.

- Glass?
- There's traces in the rifling.

GIBBS: Manufacturer?
- Can't tell.

I'm gonna plug this
into the FBI's Drugfire database

- and see if I get a match, but--
- But it's gonna take a while.

See? Mind reading.

There may be something supernatural
going on here.

Let me know
when you have something.

I bet I could sell this on eBay.
Did you know they got 28 grand

for the grilled cheese sandwich with
the image of the Virgin Mary on it?

Gibbs?

McGEE: Preliminary trajectory shows
that the bullet passed

straight through
the driver's side window.

So I recommend we search the area
along this path looking for spent brass.

You won't find it.

Nine-millimetre rounds are slow
and only accurate to about 30 metres.

The shooter was in a moving car
that pulled up alongside.

Yeah, that is one possibility, Ziva.
But, you see,

we're investigators, which means we
investigate things, we don't assume.

She's right. Wife said she heard
the gunshot over the phone.

- The shooter had to be close.
- Thank you.

GIBBS:
What do we know about Smith?

I ran his military ID.
He was a clerk at Norfolk.

Had four months left
before his discharge.

Tony, take Ziva with you
and check with the CO.

- Yeah.
GIBBS: When you're done,

have her sweep the trajectory
for brass.

- But why? You just said I--
- Because DiNozzo's right too.

[SCOFFS]

[PHONE RINGS]

ZlVA: All of these people
are in the military?

Yeah, the uniforms
are kind of a dead giveaway.

Then why aren't they armed?

TONY:
Because we're in America,

and the machine guns
would just get in the way.

MAN:
All right. Okay.

- Commander.
- What can I do for NCIS today?

Sorry to have to tell you this, but one
of your men was killed this morning.

My God, who?

- Petty Officer Jerry Smith.
- Smith?

He was shot on Route 249
on his way in to work.

I think you have my man confused
with someone else.

That's Petty Officer Jerry Smith
right over there.

flAUGHS]

Why would anyone
want to impersonate me?

Let's see. Blackmail, espionage,
terrorism, potential assassination.

I'm just-- I'm just a clerk, ma'am.

I don't even have
a security clearance or anything.

- What kind of a clerk?
- I'm in a supply unit. I'm an SK2.

I'm new to NCIS, petty officer.

You're gonna have
to be more specific.

Well, well--
Basically, I'm just a storekeeper.

Um, like today, Ifilled requests for tp,
liquid soap, toilet seat covers.

[LAUGHING]

We call it "Getting a Head Day."

Because in the Navy,
the head is another word--

For the toilet. Yes, I know.

This has something to do
with your personal life?

Well, probably not.
I don't really have one.

I mean, most nights Ijust go home
and surf the web or watch reality TV.

Really into Survivor. Average Joe.

The Amazing Race is cool.
I like Extreme Makeover, but--

- I don't own a TV.
- Really?

I don't think I've ever
met anyone who didn't--

What does your wife think
about all this nightly stimulation?

I don't have a wife.
No girlfriend either.

I just don't really seem to do very well
in that department.

It's just me and Max.

- Max is your boyfriend?
- No. No.

Jeez,
I'm like as straight as they come.

- Max is a marmoset.
- A monkey.

A pet. Nothing more.

That's reassuring, petty officer.

A buddy of mine was shipping out.
He was in a bit of a bind.

I said no way, but when I got
one look at the little guy...

He's just so damn cute, ma'am.

[CHUCKLES]

Petty Officer Smith
was transferred from Pearl

about the same time I was,
Agent DiNozzo.

- You serve with him there?
- Different units.

We never crossed paths
until this command.

- What kind of a sailor is he?
- Officially, he's never missed work.

He's always on time.

I'm more interested in unofficially,
commander.

It's not in my nature
to be disparaging.

Well, I've got a body
lying on a slab back at NCIS.

So by all means, disparage away.

I guess you could say Petty Officer
Smith is not the brightest sailor

that I've ever commanded.

Now that I say it out loud, the thought
occurs to me that could be the reason

someone found it so easy
to steal his identity.

Can you think of any reason

why someone
would want to impersonate him?

God, no, Agent DiNozzo. God, no.

More porno?

GIBBS:
What do we have, McGee?

Three more charges
since yesterday.

Sorry. Sorry, boss. Um.

Uh, cell phone records
are downloading now.

Okay, it looks like
Petty Officer Smith--

Officer Smith in the car,
not the one on base who's the real--

Yeah, I got it, McGee.

Well, he was definitely talking
to Mrs. Smith, if that is her real name.

- McGee.
McGEE: Ah.

He was talking to her
at their home from his cell

just before she called in the accident.
I've got an address here.

It's an apartment in Newport News.

- Lease is in the wife's name.
- Ziva, you're with me.

Possibly a point man for an operational
reconnaissance of the naval base.

_ [__
- That means you go with him.

Now.

Preferably,
before the elevator doors close.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[SIGHS]

You just hung up
on Director Shepard.

Uh-huh.

In my country, the officer in charge
is always treated with--

In my country, on my team,
working my cases,

my people don't bypass
the chain of command.

- Which is?
- Me.

Are we clear on that, Officer David?

Crystal, Agent Gibbs.

Except she called me.
What would you have me do?

Smile. Talk about the weather.
Tell her to call me.

And if that doesn't work?

You're a smart girl.
Think of something.

- I am merely trying to do myjob.
- Yourjob is to follow my instructions.

And I respect that. Is it too much
to ask for some in return?

No. It's not.

- So that's it?
GIBBS: Mm-hm.

Don't I even get a slap on the head?

Don't push it.

Just to be clear, are there any more
of these rules I should be aware of?

About 50 of them.

flAUGHS]

And I don't suppose
they're written down

- anywhere that I could--
- No.

- Then how am I supposed to--?
- Myjob is to teach them to you.

[SIGHS]

GIBBS: No picture of your husband
in uniform?

Jerry hated the Navy.

He onlyjoined for the money
they'd give him for college.

But he couldn't wait to get out.

I was so mean to him on the phone.

It was our half anniversary.

We know. A very special occasion.

Why can't men understand that?

Your husband talk
about his work much, Mrs. Smith?

Never.

He wouldn't even let me visit him
on base or even call him there.

You never saw him at his work?

You never dropped him off?

I told you he hated the Navy.

Every morning, he'd put on his uniform
and go to the office.

Soon as he got home,
couldn't get out of it fast enough.

You didn't know Jerry long
before you married, did you?

Only three months.

I know. It was crazy.

It just felt right, you know?

Jerry was the first truly decent man
I had ever met.

What's going on here?

This is Petty Officer Jerry Smith.

He's been working at Norfolk
for about four months.

His commanding officer confirmed it.

GIBBS:
He look familiar?

I don't know this man.

I don't understand.

Neither do we.

PALMER:
Ow.

DUCKY: Discolouration
indicates blunt-force trauma.

Yes, these abdominal bruises here
in this area

are consistent with the door frame
crushing against his body.

You think Epsom salt
reduces swelling faster?

Mr. Palmer, I'm sure our mystery guest
would appreciate it

if you could concentrate
all your efforts

on helping me to discover
the cause of his demise

rather than obsessing on how
you will look in shorts this weekend.

- Sorry, doctor.
DUCKY: Actually,

I found the ladies tend to be
sympathetic towards visible injury.

- Really?
- Yes. My first year in college,

I suffered an unfortunate injury
to my testicles.

The excruciating pain was offset
by an impressive swelling,

which Ramona Kincaid--

Bless her heart.

--found extremely fascinating.

Yeah.

Ah.

Now, the bullet wound to the neck
evaded the anterior triangle,

thus missing both
the carotid artery and jugular vein.

Most of the damage was muscular.

DUCKY: It also grazed
the oesophagus and thyroid.

Oh, dear. Severe damage
to the liver, pancreas, spleen.

Oh, and there's a nasty tear to the left
ventricle caused by a bruised rib.

Cause of death
is from the trauma of the crash.

You just earned yourself
another merit badge, Mr. Palmer.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, he was alive for several minutes
after he was shot.

Sorry to have to say it, my poor fellow,
but you'd have been better off

if your assassin had been
a more precise marksman.

[BLEEPING]

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

ZlVA:
You know, this case reminds me

of something my father used to tell me
as a child.

"Really, Ziva? What was that?"

He would say that no one

could ever truly know another person
or their secrets.

I, of course, refused to believe him.

"And now, Ziva?"

As an adult,

I believe he was never
more honest with me.

What do you believe, Gibbs?

I think I really got to get the radio
in this car fixed.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

on the dead guy's prints, Gibbs.

- From the AF/S database.
- He's in the military?

- Anchors aweigh, Gibbs-o.
GIBBS: Who?

You're not gonna believe it.

- Try me.
- You're not.

- Who the hell is he, Abs?
- Petty Officer Jerry Smith.

He actually
is Petty Officer Jerry Smith.

He's stationed at the Regional
Supply Office in Norfolk.

Okay, the dead guy downstairs
who we thought was impersonating

Petty Officer Jerry Smith is actually
the real Petty Officer Jerry Smith.

And that Jerry Smith
Tony and Ziva talked to in Norfolk

turns out to be the fake Jerry Smith,
and it's confusing.

Like the pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the brew that is true.

Court Jester, Danny Kaye?
Come on, guys, it's a classic.

- Thank you, boss.
- Who is he, McGee?

John Kirby. We lifted his prints
from his desk at Norfolk.

His empty desk.
He didn't report for duty today.

He and Smith had overlapping tours
at Jacksonville in '02.

- Kirby was discharged in '03.
- Honourably.

These guys had this planned from the
first day of Smith's new assignment.

Think so, McGee?

- I'm gonna need Kirby's--
- Address.

He lives on West Little Creek.
Been there about a year.

And the warrant.

- DiNozzo, David, take a ride.
- You got it, boss.

Get a BOLO out on Kirby
with the FBI, local and state.

- Already done, Boss.
- BOLO?

"Be on the lookout."

Good job, McGee.
Go on. Catch up to them.

"Good job, McGee."

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Is he always this juvenile?

Only on days of the week
ending with the word "day."

ZlVA:
I'll drive, Tony.

No, no, no.
Not gonna make that mistake again.

Did you really think
my driving was that terrible?

Aside from the high speed
and near misses.

Let's just say it's an acquired taste,
like regurgitated lunch.

- That's disgusting, DiNozzo.
TONY: Tell me about it, probie.

That chilli cheese dog was hard
to chew the second time around.

McGEE: Maybe we should give her
another chance.

It's not like she killed
or maimed anyone.

Maybe we should concentrate
on why John Kirby switched places

with Seaman Smith at Norfolk,
and leave death wish for another day.

ZlVA:
He could very well be an assassin.

He works in a supply office.

Who's he gonna assassinate?
Mr. Clean?

All the better not
to draw attention to himself.

McGEE: Well, she's right.
It's a big base. A lot of targets.

TONY:
I don't know. Look at the guy.

- He's such a--
- Pimp.

TONY & McGEE:
Wimp.

Mm. Very much in line
with other assassins.

McGEE:
She's right, Tony.

Look at Lee Harvey Oswald,
Sirhan Sirhan.

That's original, McGee. Is there
any part of your brain that's your own?

At least I have one, Tony.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.

We're not going anywhere.

[SIGHS]

- What, until I apologise?
- No, not until you apologise.

We're in the wrong damn car.

GIBBS: What'd you find, Abs?
ABBY: After the car crashed,

it went end over end
for about a hundred feet

before finally slamming to a stop
up against a boulder,

which crushed the driver's side door
into his body,

which led to a lot of blood.
I also found these in the trunk,

three identical sets of Hawaiian shirts
and khaki pants.

Correction.
Did you find anything useful?

Maybe. But it's probably nothing.

Do not make me say
a magic word now, Abs.

Of course not. But it is a cool idea.

It's in the blood patterns.

The residual splatter
from where the blood struck is there.

Exit-wound splatter is there.

Dropping slightly
from the angle of the impact.

GIBBS:
Normal when they pass through flesh.

Very good, Gibbs.

But that would be the case
of a senior lead special agent

who's worked hundreds
of crime scene investigations

throughout his storied career.

I'd hate to start smacking you
like I do DiNozzo.

You wouldn't. You would?

It won't be on the head.

The blood here is darker,
and the pattern is random.

Skip to the "probably nothing" part,
will you?

The trail of splattering
is wider than you'd expect.

And the blood is smeared
somewhat here

like something
brushed up against it.

- What?
- I have absolutely no idea.

That would be
the "probably nothing" part.

But I haven't analysed it
in my computer yet.

Do it.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Oh, I love Hawaiian shirts.

ZlVA:
I'm not surprised.

It's a cultural experience
you couldn't appreciate.

- Isn't that right, probie?
- I wouldn't be caught dead in one.

[GASPS]

It can't be.

Do you realise what we have here?

ZlVA:
Another ugly shirt?

It's an authentic Magnum, P./.
Jungle Bird design.

Hundred percent cotton,
bamboo buttons,

"Made in Hawaii" label.

Come on, this is the Holy Grail

- of Aloha garments.
- That's great.

Eight seasons
Magnum wore this shirt.

Putting up with Higgins
and those stupid dogs.

Zeus! Apollo!

It was a TV show,
it was big in the '80s.

I know who Tom Selleck is, Tony.

The hot, sexy
American man of adventure.

He was-- He was good, sure.

But take away the shirt, moustache,
Detroit Tigers hat, Ferrari, the Audi,

wine cellar, Robin Masters' estate,
Rick, TC and the helicopter...

Well, it looks like Kirby
has not checked his e-mail

or even turned on his computer
since yesterday.

Once he saw us at Norfolk,
he must have taken a kite.

Hike.
The expression is "taking a hike."

She may have had it confused
with "go fly a kite."

I speak five languages, forgive me
if I get confused sometimes.

- I found his bankbook.
- Chequebook.

Whatever you call it.
His deposits seem high.

Where you come from,
they may seem high

but here in the good old US. of A.,
these are really, really high.

[RUSTLING]

- I think it's the--
TONY: Shh.

[SCREECHING AND GIBBERING]

- It's a--
- It's a marmoset.

McGEE:
Actually, that's a capuchin.

I don't advise shooting him.
Americans and their pets.

It will be a public-relations
nightmare.

You knew all about this.

I tried to tell you,
but you shushed me.

Well, next time try harder.

ZlVA:
His name is Max.

Oh, I read a Snapple cap that said
that the most popular name for a pet

in the United States is Max.

That's funny, I thought it was Tim.

GIBBS: We know that your husband
and John Kirby served together.

And we also know
that they switched places.

It's a federal crime
to impersonate military personnel.

Which means that withholding
any information

is a chargeable offence.
So, what do you know, Mrs. Smith?

I lied before.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

I saw the other man once.

VVhen?

Um.

Right after we moved here
from Hawaii.

I came home early from yoga.
I wasn't feeling well.

He was with Jerry in the den.

Jerry was upset.

It was clear I'd interrupted them.

Uh. When he left, he said
I should forget I ever saw him

and never tell anyone.

Do you think he's the one
who killed my husband?

McGEE:
Kirby was getting e-mails

from an anonymous Internet account
several times a week.

Each one
was just a time and a location.

The times were random,
all throughout the day,

the locations were business
and residential addresses

all throughout Norfolk.

- How long have they been coming in?
- About four months.

Same time Kirby's
been posing as Smith.

You think Kirby was doing Smith's job,
while Smith was doing Kirby's?

I've seen communications
like this before.

- So have I.
- Many intelligence agencies

use this technique
for arranging a drop-off.

I believe you refer to them
as goblins.

Spooks. The term is spooks.

ABBY: According to this, there's
a drop scheduled for this afternoon.

- Where and when, Abs?
- Granby and Harbor,

southeast corner, 1400.

One of you is gonna have
to pose as Kirby.

Mm, yeah.
That really doesn't work for him.

For once, I've got to agree with Tony.
I don't think I'm a Hawaiian-shirt type.

You're the closest we've got to age
and looks to Smith and Kirby.

Which won't matter if whoever
he's meeting with knows their faces.

No, it won't. But if it doesn't,
we just might get something,

which is more than we have now.

DiNozzo, you and Ziva
will be here mobile on Granby,

as far as you can
while maintaining visual contact.

I'll be over here on Harbor.

McGee, we do not know
what we have here.

So go with the flow.
If it gets hinky, call it.

Hinky? What's hinky?

You know, like when your gut
is telling you something?

Oh, I see. In my country,
we refer to that as gas.

GIBBS [ON RADIO]:
You got a visual, DiNozzo?

TONY:
Affirmative, boss.

Suck that gut in, probie.

McGEE:
Guy with the briefcase.

I got him, McGee.

ZlVA: The logistics for the drop
may only start here, McGee.

- Look for any sign.
McGEE: Like what?

A hand gesture,
the angle he holds his briefcase.

It was nothing, boss.

- Lost the visual.
- Same here, DiNozzo.

Move up the block.

[TYRES SQUEAL]

There's a park bench across the street
from the Baltimore Museum of Art.

WOMAN: Leave it underneath.
- Girl with the pack.

Wait, McGee,
for her to make the move.

- Don't be late.
- Right.

[GRUNTING]

- Kirby, my 9 o'clock, boss.
GIBBS: lgot him. Get the girl.

Go. Go. Go.

[TYRES SQUEALING]

[G RUNTS]

[STUN GUN FIRES
AND MCGEE GRUNTS]

[TYRES SQUEAL]

[PANTING]
We lost her.

More like she lost us.

There are three wheels,
numbered zero through nine each.

- That's a thousand possibilities.
- Then your fingers better get busy.

Wait, there's more.

The seams are filled with something
that looks like an epoxy material.

May be for waterproofing.

Or to hold explosive components
in place until they're exploded.

- Bada-boom.
- X-rays.

ABBY: Didn't penetrate.
The metal's high-density steel,

probably with a thin layer
of lead sheeting.

The nitrate sniffer came up negative.

- That's because of the epoxy.
- Probably.

Gibbs, it might not be rigged
with a bomb, per se.

I love saying per se.
It's one of those phrases

nobody really knows what it means,
but you say it anyway because...

- Am I off topic again?
- Bigtime.

Um. It could be armed with something
like formic acid in a glass liner.

It would destroy the contents
if opened incorrectly.

There's also the possibility
it could be nothing.

It's just a bluff to scare anyone
from taking a peek inside.

- Do we have a bottom line here, Abs?
- We do.

- Do you wanna hear it?
- Yes.

The bomb squad is gonna pick this
up, they'll do their thing

and then I will get to the bottom
of this, but--

It's going to take time.

See? We are having
a melding of the minds.

TONY: It was called The Transporter.
McGEE: Didn't see it.

Cool British guy
delivers illegal stuff for a price.

Obviously, what Smith was doing.

Then what Kirby was doing.

Then what you were doing, probie.

- Only badly.
- Yeah, I got the case, didn't I?

TONY: Hmm. You're missing the point.
- How could there possibly be a point?

ZlVA:
I think what Agent DiNozzo means

is that the Transporter would have
gotten the case, gotten the girl

and still have held on
to his cappuccino.

Exactly. Speaking of movies, you know
what I was thinking about, probie?

- Really not interested, Tony.
- Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Identity mystery.

Then there's our Smith.
Identity mystery.

And if it turns out the guy

charging porn and tractors
on your credit card is a Smith,

- then that's identity mystery.
- Uh, Tony?

Not now, probie.
I'm almost done with this level.

[BEEPING]

Find out what's in the case yet,
boss?

[SPLASH]

- Are you going to interrogate Kirby?
- No.

That is a mistake. The longer we wait,
the more time he has to--

I am going to be interrogating Kirby.

You and DiNozzo will be observing.

It takes a while for him
to, uh, warm up to people, doesn't it?

Wanna know how to get
on his good side?

- Of course.
- Me too.

I didn't kill Jerry.

GIBBS:
I know. We checked.

You were on base
when it happened.

So can I go now?

Impersonating a petty officer.

That's a felony.

Lying during a federal investigation,

felony.

Resisting arrest.

That's a misdemeanour.

Not to mention what we have
in that case downstairs.

You looked in the case?

Look, I was only trying to help.
I swear to you.

It wasn't even my idea.

ZlVA: I doubt this has anything to do
with espionage, Tony.

Kirby's far too stupid
for this line of work.

Why did you two switch places?

Because Jerry,

he couldn't keep it
in his damn pants.

Keep what in his pants?

[SCOFFS]

You're kidding, right?

Come on.

[HUMMING]

[SLAPPING]

Dancing?

- Yeah, dancing.
GIBBS: What happened?

He'd been fooling around
with this officer's wife over at Pearl.

One night, the officer came home
early and caught him in the act.

He got a good look at Jerry's face,
but he didn't recognise him.

[KIRBY LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Jerry wasn't worried.

He knew he was shipping out
the next week

and they'd never met before.

That was the good news.

Until he got the bad news.

The husband was gonna be
his CO. in Norfolk.

Commander Morris.

KIRBY:
Yes, sir.

Jerry only had four months left
to an honourable discharge.

Morris would have made sure
that didn't happen.

- Who else knew about it?
KIRBY: No one.

That's why Jerry begged me
to switch places with him.

Except I couldn't leave myjob.

Delivering illegal goods.

Wait, I-- I mean, I didn't even know
what was in the cases.

I was strictly transportation.

Hey, Kirby,
they weren't exactly using FedEx.

- It was stupid, I know.
- Yeah.

KIRBY:
But the money was really good.

Life since the Navy has...

...been kind of hard on me.

- You never looked inside?
KIRBY: No.

There were only two rules.

Be on time and...

...don't look in the cases.

Jerry, uh...

[KIRBY SWALLOWS]

I guess he looked.

Then they killed him for it.

I think--
I think I want to get a lawyer now.

[LAUGHING]
Oh, yeah.

You're gonna need one.

Remember that smeared area
that I thought was probably nothing?

Well, it probably
might not be probably nothing.

I'm not saying a magic word, Abs.

Okay, this is the windshield
of the vehicle.

See the smeared marks?
There's four of them.

And they connect together.
Now, step back and squint.

At What?

Just do it
like when you're trying to figure out

the hidden message
in the bad 3-D art at the fair.

This is important.
Try to see the bigger picture for once.

See it?

- Maybe an M.
- Yes, Gibbs, yes.

Those smears
were smeared on purpose.

Now, these are the photographs

of Petty Officer Smith's body
before it was washed.

He has blood
on his right index finger.

There were no lacerations
on that hand.

Petty Officer Smith used his finger
to write a message in his own blood.

Sometimes people in the throes
of death try to communicate.

Like that guy
in the LA. Metro Rail crash,

he wrote I love you to his wife
in his blood.

- He lived.
- He did.

But Petty Officer Smith
is trying to tell us who killed him.

- What does M mean?
TONY: Commander Morris.

MORRIS: How could you think
that I had to do with his murder?

Because you found out he was
the sailor sleeping with your wife.

- At Pearl.
- Yes, commander, at Pearl Harbor.

That was Smith?

If I had known who he was,
I would have killed him myself.

But I didn't. I was here that morning.

There's a dozen witnesses
who will vouch for that.

[SIGHING] Surveillance camera at
the main gate has Commander Morris

coming on base an hour
before Smith's time of death.

- Leeway on time of death?
- Ducky says 15, maybe 20 minutes.

Drive time to the crime scene?

Thirty minutes.
Fifteen if you're driving.

Seven sailors in his office all verify
he was in the supply unit

- until we showed up.
- Where in the unit?

Mostly in his private office,
behind closed doors.

Was there another exit? Could he have
left unseen through a window?

Windows don't open, boss.
Solid plate glass.

Morris couldn't have been
at the crime scene.

- Yeah, I know that, McGee.
- He knows that, McGee.

His murder has to be related
to the delivery service.

Which we know nothing about.

Kirby claims he didn't know
who he was working for.

Was Petty Officer Smith wearing
his seat belt when he crashed?

[YELLING]
Was Petty Officer Smith

wearing a seat belt?

McGEE & ZlVA: No, he wasn't.
- Crash-test dummy, boss.

He was in an unnaturally
contorted position.

Yes. Very, very unusual.

I can flip the image,

only if you want.

ZlVA: W.
- What was the wife's name again?

ZlVA:
It's Wendy.

Did you discover your husband
was cheating on you, Wendy?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Must have been a real shock.
You were so much in love with him.

The one decent man you've ever met
wasn't really decent at all, was he?

That's not true.

He called you on the way to work.
You weren't home.

I was. He called me at home.

ZlVA: Phone records show you
fonNarded your home phone to your cell.

He had no idea you followed him,
Wendy.

He only worked
a couple of days a week.

I wonder what he did
with all the rest of that free time?

Did you know he cheated on me
on our wedding day?

Our wedding day.

SMITH:
Honey, honey, it's our anniversary.

McGEE:
Great, thank you. Hah.

Well, that takes care of them all.
Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, Diners.

Old cards cancelled,
new ones reissued.

It only took me 200 phone calls.

You know what I find interesting?

- What?
- That you actually have Diners.

- What's wrong with that?
- I've never met anyone

who used Diners Club
who wasn't wearing Depends.

It's a very hip piece of plastic, Tony.

Yes, in the year 1927.

Good news and bad news.
The good news is I'm still cute.

Bad news, the bomb squad
got a little trigger happy.

They blew up the metal box?

Do you have any idea
what's beyond smithereens?

- Not a clue.
- Me neither.

That's what we've got.

- There's not much I can do.
- Nope.

Except put it back together.

Gibbs. It's in like ajillion pieces.
That would take months.

It's the only link we have
to that delivery service.

Yeah? Well you're not the one that has
to put it back together, Officer David.

She doesn't like me, does she?

Nah.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

- Are you going home?
- Not yet.

I thought I might be able
to help you with that.

Do you have a degree
in forensic science?

[SCOFFS]

No.

But I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.

We'll see.