Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Crushing It - full transcript
David uses exciting news about MQ to make Ian jealous. Poppy, Rachel, and Jo go to brunch.
Well, thank you guys for gathering.
I called you to this emergency meeting
because I have some news.
- Jo, you might wanna film for posterity.
- Hmm.
[clears throat] So, here's the news.
♪ Doo, doo ♪
- [Jo] In a meeting! Leave!
- Okay.
It's okay. He can stay.
You might wanna hear this.
- Nah, I'm good.
- [Jo] Stay and listen!
- Okay.
- [clears throat]
Anyway, Montreal just called
with some rather surprising news.
You got named
in the sexual harassment lawsuit.
- Huh?
- You better lawyer up.
- I'll make some calls.
- I don't need a lawyer.
You're gonna want a lawyer. The guys
in prison who represented themselves,
they always got the longest sentences.
Harassment stuff's hard to shake.
I've not been named
in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
- Good defense.
- It's not a defense. It's the truth.
I've never sexually assaulted anyone.
[chuckles] So, Jo, please stop filming.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, then what's the news?
They wanna make a Mythic Quest movie,
and I'm gonna be named
the executive producer.
That's all.
Aren't you already the executive producer?
Of the game, not of the movie.
Thought it was...
- Celebrate this man!
- Don't force it.
David, this was neither an emergency,
nor a meeting.
- And I don't have time for it.
- Yeah.
- W... Hold on. Wh... Where you going?
- [Brad sighs]
Oh. No, I thought you were done
bragging about your successes,
and I have to get back to handling
the trash in order to stay out of prison.
I can stay if you want
to talk about your salary, or…
- All right. Just go.
- Okay.
How dare they disrespect you.
You wanted to share your achievements,
and they come in here
looking like sad sacks?
- I can make them sad.
- What?
I can put them in sacks.
No, Jo. You're coming off
a little intense, even for you.
You know what? Take the day off, you know.
- Go hang out with your friends.
- Friends.
Actually, you know what, Jo?
On your way down, stop by GrimPop.
Send Ian up.
Well, he's always wanted
to bring MQ to Hollywood,
- but I'm the first one to pull it off.
- [both chuckle]
Yes, send him up.
I wanna watch his weird square face fall
when I tell him the news.
[inhales sharply]
This is the year of Brittlesbee.
Come on, code baby, code. Work for Mama.
That's it. Now don't you embarrass me,
or you won't be getting any french fries,
not even one.
[inhales deeply, exhales sharply] Okay.
Yes!
♪ Slice, slice, baby
Slice, slice ♪
♪ Dun, dun, dun ♪
How the rest of the song goes.
Ian, once again I have…
Done the impossible.
Whoo-hoo!
[bag rustles]
Hey! Ole tester,
get your grubby mitts off my chips.
Hi! Sorry, I was just trying to get
a snack for the road.
Is Dana around?
Nah, nah,
I shat out some busywork programming tool
for her and Ian so they'd leave me alone.
- I think they took it out to the desert.
- Why the desert?
Ian likes a dramatic backdrop.
Right now
they're probably getting in the zone
and, like, shoving crystals
up their asses and meditating.
- Wait, what?
- Anyway, who cares what they're doing?
He doesn't care that I've been grinding
on this vertical slice for weeks,
and I finally finished it like a boss.
- Hey! That's awesome!
- Now go away.
I've gotta tune
this predictive simulation engine.
Wait, you... [scoffs]
You just accomplished something huge.
You can't just go back to working.
We need to celebrate.
- We?
- Yeah, I did say "we".
Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?
School can wait. [Gasps]
Ooh, you know what we should do?
We should go to brunch, huh?
Nothing says a party like pancakes.
You know, pan... pancakes.
Do you like pancakes? Maple syrup?
I don't know what your vibe is.
- Waffles? Give me something.
- I do like pancakes.
Okay, 'cause you were really
not emoting at all.
You know what? Screw it.
If Ian gets to go out to the desert
and get naked
and smoke peyote
with a bunch of crypto bros,
then I can have fun too.
That was extremely specific.
Should I be worried? Is Dana okay?
- [elevator dings]
- Ian! Ian!
- Ian Elizabeth Grimm.
- Is that his middle name?
Where's the man of the house?
I'm here to retrieve him for David,
and it's of the utmost importance.
- Ian!
- Stop yelling! He's not here.
He and Dana are probably
in a sweat lodge somewhere,
just beating themselves with dry branches.
Is that what's happening?
I'll text him. I'll tell him
that David's looking for him.
Okay, good.
Task complete.
[inhales deeply]
[imitates popping, clicks tongue]
That means I'm done for the day.
So, I am going to go hang out
with my friends.
[softly] Um…
[stammers] Jo, do you, um, like pancakes?
[epic music playing]
- [knocks]
- Hey, Carol. Can I take out your trash?
- Go nuts.
- Thanks.
[sighing]
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm. Busy.
Oh, yeah. I can see that.
You know, as janitor,
I see a lot of things.
Like the, uh, three or four résumés a day
that you've been throwing in the trash,
or the buildup of smudges
on your phone screen
from playing so much Candy Crush
that you must be on level 198.
I'm on 247.
[sighs] Damn, see. I mean,
the old Brad would've gotten that dead-on.
Fine. [Scoffing] I'm not okay.
[chuckles] And I'm not busy.
I mean,
your girl on struggle street, honestly.
Let me guess.
You're having a crisis of conscience
because Montreal made you the HODI,
- but they won't...
- HODI?
The HODI.
The Head of Diversity and Inclusion.
HODI. I figured
you were sick of saying the full title.
[sighing] Yeah, I am.
So they made you the HODI,
but they won't give you money
- to make an actual difference.
- Yes.
Yep. You just need to make
a whole bunch of money out of thin air.
[scoffs] That's all I need to do, huh?
Old Brad used to do that every day back
when I was the HOMIE.
Okay, tell me what HOMIE is...
Head of Monetization
and Internet E-Commerce. The HOMIE.
- Sure.
- But, you know, that was a long time ago.
Long time ago.
It wasn't that long ago.
- Can I talk to old Brad for a second?
- Wait, you wanna talk to the HOMIE?
[gulp] Yep, I wanna talk to HOMIE.
Walk with me.
A lot of filming in Bulgaria these days,
but, uh, I've got my fingers crossed
for Iceland, you know.
It's, uh, where I proposed to my ex-wife.
Sort of a full-circle moment to come back
a successful movie producer, I suppose.
Uh, either way,
um, I... I just want you to hear it from me
before it hits the old trades.
You know, again,
it's... it's nothing personal.
It's just "bidness".
Oh! Just "bidness".
- [laughs] Oh, that's good.
- Yeah, you like that?
You know,
things have just been so much better
since you started leading MQ.
- You know, you gave me your old office…
- Oh, well.
…and access to fresh air and sunlight.
You know,
my plants and I are forever in your debt.
Yeah, I see you have a lot of plants
and, uh, and cat things too.
- A lot of cat things.
- Well, I hope to have one, one day.
[laughs] Fingers crossed.
- You don't have a cat?
- Not yet.
Now, can I just ask
for one more little favor?
- Sure thing.
- Don't do it.
Sorry?
The players,
they hate adaptations of games.
- They haven't even seen ours.
- They don't have to, and they won't.
They will band together online,
ruin its reputation,
and spew pure evil at us.
- Specifically me.
- Okay, Sue, ours is gonna be different.
You know, it'll be accessible to everyone,
not just gamers.
They will hate that, all right?
This game is their special place.
You can't just waltz into
someone's special place
and mess with their stuff.
- They'll lose their gosh darn minds!
- Huh.
You're right.
A certain type of person
just hates not having control.
Well, s-sure and...
And it might make him cry.
[laughs] Oh, yes.
- Him?
- Ian.
Yeah, well, I sent for him to come up
a while ago,
and he hasn't come up. Why?
Because he's trying to take away
my moment.
Well, I can take back my power
by going into his special place,
shoving the news in his face.
Reclaim my power just like I'm gonna
reclaim that waterfall in Iceland
where I proposed to my wife.
- Ex-wife.
- Yeah, that's what I meant.
[inhales sharply]
Yes. This time it's super personal.
[singsongy] Oh.
Why are there so many people here?
Don't they have actual jobs?
Jo, brunch is about so much more
than just food.
Yes.
- Right?
- Yeah.
It's... It's a safe space
- where we can be ourselves, you know?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's like a... like a circle of trust.
- Well said.
You know, we talk, we laugh…
- [exclaims]
- …and everyone just feels better.
Yeah, Jo. [Laughs]
Act like you've been to the brunch before.
- Did you say "the brunch?"
- Yeah.
It's... It's just brunch.
No, I know. I j... I just, um...
We say it different in Australia.
- You say "the brunch" in Australia?
- Yeah.
Is that not how you guys say it?
That's weird.
Ladies, your table's set.
Table's ready, so.
What do you do for work?
Jo, what are you doing? No, no, no.
- Asking a genuine question.
- [Rachel] I'm sorry.
I don't see what's so wrong with that.
Yeah, Berkeley's actually really great.
I can't wait to go back.
I'm building such a community there.
[chuckles]
Jesus Christ! How much did you order?
The pancakes are for the table, gals.
Dig in. [Chuckles]
Although, actually don't eat too much
'cause a lot of it is to-go,
because I'm kind of between paychecks
right now.
You know how it is.
- Poppy, you're paying for this, right?
- Hmm? Yeah, sure. Uh, it's a party.
Hey! Here's to me crushing it at work
and being a total badass
that doesn't need Ian's validation.
[Rachel] Hell, yes!
And here's to me crushing it at school
and making a ton of new friends.
Hey.
- Jo, what are you celebrating?
- Mmm.
Mmm, this girl I went to school with
used to bully me.
She lost her house in a tornado.
I did it wrong, didn't I?
- Uh…
- [stammers] Mmm.
No. It... That... It was...
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
You know what?
Here's to Jo crushing it at the brunch.
[all chuckle]
- It's just brunch, to be clear.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah. No, that's clear.
[elevator dings]
[David] Brittlesbee in the house!
Stupid office.
Yo, Ian!
Poppy?
Taking your candy.
I mean, are you serious? [Scoffs]
All right, gonna stand me up?
All right, power play me.
Sad.
Oh, my God. Looks like a Tokyo subway.
Uh… Mmm.
Where's the buttons?
Where are the buttons?
Hmm. Elevator open?
Activate elevator.
[imitating Poppy] Elevator open.
What the... [scoffs]
[echoing] Hello!
Okay, not that I care,
but it is kind of annoying
that Ian couldn't even, like,
thumbs up my text.
Yeah, so annoying.
I thought you said
you didn't need his validation.
I don't. I don't, but I just...
Just... Just be on my side, okay, Jo?
Women supporting women
is what the brunch is all about.
- It's just brunch.
- [Poppy] Yeah.
But yes, totally.
You're so right about Ian.
- Screw him.
- Yeah.
He's probably ignoring you because
he feels threatened by your success.
- Yes.
- He's trying to steal your thunder
'cause he can't handle
how empowered you are.
Totally. Mm-hmm.
Maybe he tried to text you,
but he ended up mangled in a car crash.
I did it wrong again, didn't I?
- Uh…
- No, that was... that was great.
- It just trends a little dark.
- It's a little dark.
I don't think he actually crashed.
I just thought we were telling lies
to make ourselves feel better.
Jo, we're not lying,
we're supporting each other.
Oh, okay.
Maybe Ian just sucks.
- Yes. Ian does suck.
- Yes. Mm-hmm.
- And we are all the best.
- Yes!
We are badass bitches who are popular
and happy, baby!
Yes! To empowered women at brunch.
- Brunch!
- You did it!
[stammers]
[all laughing]
[upbeat funk music playing]
[sobs] I don't want to go back to school.
[crying] Everyone there hates me.
Text me back, dick!
[Rachel] And they're all so smart.
Like, I only found out last week
that Beowulf was the name of the author,
not the name of the book.
Like, I thought his name was...
I thought his name was "Bayo Wolf".
[sobbing]
They probably think I'm so fucking stupid.
They probably do.
[gasps] Jo!
I was being supportive.
I was agreeing with you.
At least they notice you at all.
I mean, I've spent e-every waking moment
of the past decade with Ian, and...
And he doesn't even give a crap about me.
That's so sad.
[both sobbing]
So, this is brunch.
You want us to design another loot box
for you guys to sell?
We need to make a quick buck.
So I'm gonna need my usual team, okay?
I need Rick, Mellie. I need Kel for sure.
They all quit.
They were overworked and underpaid.
That's the problem, Phil.
[scoffs] We need to fix the entire culture
at this company.
That's right. And that's why we need you
to work through the weekend.
We're gonna generate some revenue
off the backs of these moron players.
Sounds like you're generating revenue
off the backs of us.
I see how you would see that. Okay.
But actually,
the goal here is to increase the budget
so we can bring in some new faces.
You're hiring new people?
But you aren't paying
the ones you already have.
- That's not my department.
- [clicks tongue] Uh, or mine.
- I'm so confused.
- Okay, sorry.
Phil, to clarify, I'm HODI and he's HOMIE.
Well, technically FHOMIE,
the Former Head of.
But he's helping me out today. Do you see?
HOMIE. FHOMIE.
HODI. CHODI, if you will. Current Head of.
Am I getting fired?
- [chuckles] Wh...
- [chuckles] Fired?
- Why would you think that?
- Because you're head of HR.
I'm HODI, Phil. I just told you that.
Wait, wait, wait, Carol. No, he's right.
- I'm getting fired?
- No.
- Yes.
- What?
- What?
- Okay, maybe not now, but soon.
I mean, this entire model is outdated.
If we're gonna change things,
we got to go big.
- Like, really big.
- Jesus.
Hello?
Hello?
No buttons anywhere.
I mean, not a button on the floor.
[echoes] Help!
Ah! Ah! Mmm. Ah.
♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪
Pretty good.
♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪
Ninety-one, 92.
[vocalizing]
♪ Seventy-six trombones
In the big para... ♪
[sobs]
♪ Followed by rows and rows
Of the finest virtuosos ♪
Keep the body sharp. [Panting]
Keep the mind sharp.
[sighs]
Mmm.
[groans]
[chuckles] Yeah, you're gonna die in here.
[epic music playing]
So, we just wanted to prepare you
for any questions the players might have
about our new NFT initiative.
- Super. Super. Super.
- [Brad] That's right.
Loot boxes are a thing of the past.
NFTs are the future, Sue.
NFT, huh? Hey, I got an NFT for ya.
No fucking thanks.
- Excuse me?
- No fucking thanks!
N, no. Fucking, F. T, thanks.
- Sue.
- It's o... It's okay.
It's good she's approaching this
with her eyes open.
- What do you mean?
- Well, Sue here is about to feel
the weight of the entire gaming Internet
on top of her head.
Mm-hmm. See, there is nothing
that players hate more than NFTs.
Mmm, that's not true. Remember DLC in '97?
- Oh, yeah.
- Free to play in 2000.
- Horse armor in '06.
- Oh, God.
Then the loot boxes, season passes.
Gamers hate everything.
Everything new, that is.
But eventually they adopt it,
learn to like it, forget about it,
and then direct their anger
towards the next commodification
of their pleasure.
- Now I'm confused.
- [Brad] Mm-hmm.
- Are NFTs good or bad?
- Yes.
[Carol] That is not an answer.
Where are you going?
No. I'm going back underground
where I was safe.
- From the players?
- No, from you!
You people coming in here
with your crazy ideas,
torturing me with the knowledge
of my future pain.
I was better off in the basement.
In the dark.
[snoring]
Why do we keep finding people
sleeping in our office?
- Should we wake him?
- David!
[grunts] What the...
[gasps] Where did you come from?
Huh? We've been here all day.
- We were in the lounge.
- There's a lounge?
Where is the lounge?
- It's this way.
- And this way.
- It's both ways.
- And neither.
[groans] I hate you both.
And neither. [Chuckles]
I'm getting the hell out of here.
Okay, how do you call the elevator?
With our minds.
We just think about the elevator
and it comes.
- Really?
- Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
- Button right here.
- [beeps]
[elevator dings]
Definitely don't like this.
Oh, and how's this for a power move?
I pissed in your office.
- It looks like you pissed in your pants.
- Mmm.
Well, yeah,
but I pissed in my pants in your office.
So… [chuckles] Oh, no.
Is this going up? No.
Just think "down," David.
Office, cyan.
[Office voice] Cyan.
- Yeah. That's nice. That is nice.
- That's nice.
- [car horn honks]
- Whoa.
[groans]
Oh, my God. I have to stop eating gluten.
It really wipes me out.
Where are we?
About 30 minutes outside of Vegas.
Why are we in another state?
To do something
you would never normally do.
[Poppy] A gun range?
- [Rachel] No, no, no. I hate guns.
- [Jo] You know what I hate?
Listening to entitled women cry
into their cheap champagne
and overpriced eggs
about how hard the world is.
But I tried something different,
and it got me out of my funk.
Gave me a fresh perspective.
Now, I'd like to return the favor.
[gunshot]
- This is way different to brunch.
- No, it isn't.
You've got your community,
and I've got mine.
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey, darlin'.
- Shooting or crushing?
- Crushing.
- All right.
- [Poppy] Crushing?
Are we getting crushed?
Are we crushing someone else?
What does that mean?
- This place is shady as shit, Jo.
- To you. It's shady as shit to you.
There are 7 billion people on this planet.
Millions of them would not find
this place shady.
- [sighs] Is this a weird political thing?
- No, it's not a political thing.
This is a cure to your actual problems.
[sighs] See, your heads are jammed
so far up your own assholes,
you can't see
there's a whole world out there
that doesn't give a shit about you
or what you're doing.
But the more important you think you are,
the more important you
think your problems are.
And so, you spin and bitch
and bitch and spin.
But today, we're gonna break the cycle.
[tank driver cheering]
Whoo! Yeah!
Whoo!
Crush.
Are we getting in the tank?
I just think that this sends
the wrong message about...
Stop thinking! Stop thinking about
what other people will think about you.
Not Ian, not your douche bag classmates,
not anybody.
The only question
you should be asking yourselves is,
"Do you want to drive the tank?"
[both] Yes.
All right. Let's go.
["Uptight (Everything's All Right)"
playing]
- [cheers] Yeah!
- I can't believe this is happening!
I feel so powerful!
[both screaming]
- [Poppy laughs]
- Screw Berkeley! Screw Beowulf!
[both laughing, shouting]
[Poppy] Yeah! I wanna crush something!
Poppy, Ian texted you back!
Ian who? Throw it in the car!
I'm gonna crush it!
Yeah, crush it!
[both cheering]
[laughing]
[Poppy yells] Yes!
Jo, this is so much better than brunch.
- Yes.
- [Poppy cheers]
Do it again!
[both] Do it again! Do it again!
[both]
Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!
Friends.
I called you to this emergency meeting
because I have some news.
- Jo, you might wanna film for posterity.
- Hmm.
[clears throat] So, here's the news.
♪ Doo, doo ♪
- [Jo] In a meeting! Leave!
- Okay.
It's okay. He can stay.
You might wanna hear this.
- Nah, I'm good.
- [Jo] Stay and listen!
- Okay.
- [clears throat]
Anyway, Montreal just called
with some rather surprising news.
You got named
in the sexual harassment lawsuit.
- Huh?
- You better lawyer up.
- I'll make some calls.
- I don't need a lawyer.
You're gonna want a lawyer. The guys
in prison who represented themselves,
they always got the longest sentences.
Harassment stuff's hard to shake.
I've not been named
in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
- Good defense.
- It's not a defense. It's the truth.
I've never sexually assaulted anyone.
[chuckles] So, Jo, please stop filming.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, then what's the news?
They wanna make a Mythic Quest movie,
and I'm gonna be named
the executive producer.
That's all.
Aren't you already the executive producer?
Of the game, not of the movie.
Thought it was...
- Celebrate this man!
- Don't force it.
David, this was neither an emergency,
nor a meeting.
- And I don't have time for it.
- Yeah.
- W... Hold on. Wh... Where you going?
- [Brad sighs]
Oh. No, I thought you were done
bragging about your successes,
and I have to get back to handling
the trash in order to stay out of prison.
I can stay if you want
to talk about your salary, or…
- All right. Just go.
- Okay.
How dare they disrespect you.
You wanted to share your achievements,
and they come in here
looking like sad sacks?
- I can make them sad.
- What?
I can put them in sacks.
No, Jo. You're coming off
a little intense, even for you.
You know what? Take the day off, you know.
- Go hang out with your friends.
- Friends.
Actually, you know what, Jo?
On your way down, stop by GrimPop.
Send Ian up.
Well, he's always wanted
to bring MQ to Hollywood,
- but I'm the first one to pull it off.
- [both chuckle]
Yes, send him up.
I wanna watch his weird square face fall
when I tell him the news.
[inhales sharply]
This is the year of Brittlesbee.
Come on, code baby, code. Work for Mama.
That's it. Now don't you embarrass me,
or you won't be getting any french fries,
not even one.
[inhales deeply, exhales sharply] Okay.
Yes!
♪ Slice, slice, baby
Slice, slice ♪
♪ Dun, dun, dun ♪
How the rest of the song goes.
Ian, once again I have…
Done the impossible.
Whoo-hoo!
[bag rustles]
Hey! Ole tester,
get your grubby mitts off my chips.
Hi! Sorry, I was just trying to get
a snack for the road.
Is Dana around?
Nah, nah,
I shat out some busywork programming tool
for her and Ian so they'd leave me alone.
- I think they took it out to the desert.
- Why the desert?
Ian likes a dramatic backdrop.
Right now
they're probably getting in the zone
and, like, shoving crystals
up their asses and meditating.
- Wait, what?
- Anyway, who cares what they're doing?
He doesn't care that I've been grinding
on this vertical slice for weeks,
and I finally finished it like a boss.
- Hey! That's awesome!
- Now go away.
I've gotta tune
this predictive simulation engine.
Wait, you... [scoffs]
You just accomplished something huge.
You can't just go back to working.
We need to celebrate.
- We?
- Yeah, I did say "we".
Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?
School can wait. [Gasps]
Ooh, you know what we should do?
We should go to brunch, huh?
Nothing says a party like pancakes.
You know, pan... pancakes.
Do you like pancakes? Maple syrup?
I don't know what your vibe is.
- Waffles? Give me something.
- I do like pancakes.
Okay, 'cause you were really
not emoting at all.
You know what? Screw it.
If Ian gets to go out to the desert
and get naked
and smoke peyote
with a bunch of crypto bros,
then I can have fun too.
That was extremely specific.
Should I be worried? Is Dana okay?
- [elevator dings]
- Ian! Ian!
- Ian Elizabeth Grimm.
- Is that his middle name?
Where's the man of the house?
I'm here to retrieve him for David,
and it's of the utmost importance.
- Ian!
- Stop yelling! He's not here.
He and Dana are probably
in a sweat lodge somewhere,
just beating themselves with dry branches.
Is that what's happening?
I'll text him. I'll tell him
that David's looking for him.
Okay, good.
Task complete.
[inhales deeply]
[imitates popping, clicks tongue]
That means I'm done for the day.
So, I am going to go hang out
with my friends.
[softly] Um…
[stammers] Jo, do you, um, like pancakes?
[epic music playing]
- [knocks]
- Hey, Carol. Can I take out your trash?
- Go nuts.
- Thanks.
[sighing]
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm. Busy.
Oh, yeah. I can see that.
You know, as janitor,
I see a lot of things.
Like the, uh, three or four résumés a day
that you've been throwing in the trash,
or the buildup of smudges
on your phone screen
from playing so much Candy Crush
that you must be on level 198.
I'm on 247.
[sighs] Damn, see. I mean,
the old Brad would've gotten that dead-on.
Fine. [Scoffing] I'm not okay.
[chuckles] And I'm not busy.
I mean,
your girl on struggle street, honestly.
Let me guess.
You're having a crisis of conscience
because Montreal made you the HODI,
- but they won't...
- HODI?
The HODI.
The Head of Diversity and Inclusion.
HODI. I figured
you were sick of saying the full title.
[sighing] Yeah, I am.
So they made you the HODI,
but they won't give you money
- to make an actual difference.
- Yes.
Yep. You just need to make
a whole bunch of money out of thin air.
[scoffs] That's all I need to do, huh?
Old Brad used to do that every day back
when I was the HOMIE.
Okay, tell me what HOMIE is...
Head of Monetization
and Internet E-Commerce. The HOMIE.
- Sure.
- But, you know, that was a long time ago.
Long time ago.
It wasn't that long ago.
- Can I talk to old Brad for a second?
- Wait, you wanna talk to the HOMIE?
[gulp] Yep, I wanna talk to HOMIE.
Walk with me.
A lot of filming in Bulgaria these days,
but, uh, I've got my fingers crossed
for Iceland, you know.
It's, uh, where I proposed to my ex-wife.
Sort of a full-circle moment to come back
a successful movie producer, I suppose.
Uh, either way,
um, I... I just want you to hear it from me
before it hits the old trades.
You know, again,
it's... it's nothing personal.
It's just "bidness".
Oh! Just "bidness".
- [laughs] Oh, that's good.
- Yeah, you like that?
You know,
things have just been so much better
since you started leading MQ.
- You know, you gave me your old office…
- Oh, well.
…and access to fresh air and sunlight.
You know,
my plants and I are forever in your debt.
Yeah, I see you have a lot of plants
and, uh, and cat things too.
- A lot of cat things.
- Well, I hope to have one, one day.
[laughs] Fingers crossed.
- You don't have a cat?
- Not yet.
Now, can I just ask
for one more little favor?
- Sure thing.
- Don't do it.
Sorry?
The players,
they hate adaptations of games.
- They haven't even seen ours.
- They don't have to, and they won't.
They will band together online,
ruin its reputation,
and spew pure evil at us.
- Specifically me.
- Okay, Sue, ours is gonna be different.
You know, it'll be accessible to everyone,
not just gamers.
They will hate that, all right?
This game is their special place.
You can't just waltz into
someone's special place
and mess with their stuff.
- They'll lose their gosh darn minds!
- Huh.
You're right.
A certain type of person
just hates not having control.
Well, s-sure and...
And it might make him cry.
[laughs] Oh, yes.
- Him?
- Ian.
Yeah, well, I sent for him to come up
a while ago,
and he hasn't come up. Why?
Because he's trying to take away
my moment.
Well, I can take back my power
by going into his special place,
shoving the news in his face.
Reclaim my power just like I'm gonna
reclaim that waterfall in Iceland
where I proposed to my wife.
- Ex-wife.
- Yeah, that's what I meant.
[inhales sharply]
Yes. This time it's super personal.
[singsongy] Oh.
Why are there so many people here?
Don't they have actual jobs?
Jo, brunch is about so much more
than just food.
Yes.
- Right?
- Yeah.
It's... It's a safe space
- where we can be ourselves, you know?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's like a... like a circle of trust.
- Well said.
You know, we talk, we laugh…
- [exclaims]
- …and everyone just feels better.
Yeah, Jo. [Laughs]
Act like you've been to the brunch before.
- Did you say "the brunch?"
- Yeah.
It's... It's just brunch.
No, I know. I j... I just, um...
We say it different in Australia.
- You say "the brunch" in Australia?
- Yeah.
Is that not how you guys say it?
That's weird.
Ladies, your table's set.
Table's ready, so.
What do you do for work?
Jo, what are you doing? No, no, no.
- Asking a genuine question.
- [Rachel] I'm sorry.
I don't see what's so wrong with that.
Yeah, Berkeley's actually really great.
I can't wait to go back.
I'm building such a community there.
[chuckles]
Jesus Christ! How much did you order?
The pancakes are for the table, gals.
Dig in. [Chuckles]
Although, actually don't eat too much
'cause a lot of it is to-go,
because I'm kind of between paychecks
right now.
You know how it is.
- Poppy, you're paying for this, right?
- Hmm? Yeah, sure. Uh, it's a party.
Hey! Here's to me crushing it at work
and being a total badass
that doesn't need Ian's validation.
[Rachel] Hell, yes!
And here's to me crushing it at school
and making a ton of new friends.
Hey.
- Jo, what are you celebrating?
- Mmm.
Mmm, this girl I went to school with
used to bully me.
She lost her house in a tornado.
I did it wrong, didn't I?
- Uh…
- [stammers] Mmm.
No. It... That... It was...
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
You know what?
Here's to Jo crushing it at the brunch.
[all chuckle]
- It's just brunch, to be clear.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah. No, that's clear.
[elevator dings]
[David] Brittlesbee in the house!
Stupid office.
Yo, Ian!
Poppy?
Taking your candy.
I mean, are you serious? [Scoffs]
All right, gonna stand me up?
All right, power play me.
Sad.
Oh, my God. Looks like a Tokyo subway.
Uh… Mmm.
Where's the buttons?
Where are the buttons?
Hmm. Elevator open?
Activate elevator.
[imitating Poppy] Elevator open.
What the... [scoffs]
[echoing] Hello!
Okay, not that I care,
but it is kind of annoying
that Ian couldn't even, like,
thumbs up my text.
Yeah, so annoying.
I thought you said
you didn't need his validation.
I don't. I don't, but I just...
Just... Just be on my side, okay, Jo?
Women supporting women
is what the brunch is all about.
- It's just brunch.
- [Poppy] Yeah.
But yes, totally.
You're so right about Ian.
- Screw him.
- Yeah.
He's probably ignoring you because
he feels threatened by your success.
- Yes.
- He's trying to steal your thunder
'cause he can't handle
how empowered you are.
Totally. Mm-hmm.
Maybe he tried to text you,
but he ended up mangled in a car crash.
I did it wrong again, didn't I?
- Uh…
- No, that was... that was great.
- It just trends a little dark.
- It's a little dark.
I don't think he actually crashed.
I just thought we were telling lies
to make ourselves feel better.
Jo, we're not lying,
we're supporting each other.
Oh, okay.
Maybe Ian just sucks.
- Yes. Ian does suck.
- Yes. Mm-hmm.
- And we are all the best.
- Yes!
We are badass bitches who are popular
and happy, baby!
Yes! To empowered women at brunch.
- Brunch!
- You did it!
[stammers]
[all laughing]
[upbeat funk music playing]
[sobs] I don't want to go back to school.
[crying] Everyone there hates me.
Text me back, dick!
[Rachel] And they're all so smart.
Like, I only found out last week
that Beowulf was the name of the author,
not the name of the book.
Like, I thought his name was...
I thought his name was "Bayo Wolf".
[sobbing]
They probably think I'm so fucking stupid.
They probably do.
[gasps] Jo!
I was being supportive.
I was agreeing with you.
At least they notice you at all.
I mean, I've spent e-every waking moment
of the past decade with Ian, and...
And he doesn't even give a crap about me.
That's so sad.
[both sobbing]
So, this is brunch.
You want us to design another loot box
for you guys to sell?
We need to make a quick buck.
So I'm gonna need my usual team, okay?
I need Rick, Mellie. I need Kel for sure.
They all quit.
They were overworked and underpaid.
That's the problem, Phil.
[scoffs] We need to fix the entire culture
at this company.
That's right. And that's why we need you
to work through the weekend.
We're gonna generate some revenue
off the backs of these moron players.
Sounds like you're generating revenue
off the backs of us.
I see how you would see that. Okay.
But actually,
the goal here is to increase the budget
so we can bring in some new faces.
You're hiring new people?
But you aren't paying
the ones you already have.
- That's not my department.
- [clicks tongue] Uh, or mine.
- I'm so confused.
- Okay, sorry.
Phil, to clarify, I'm HODI and he's HOMIE.
Well, technically FHOMIE,
the Former Head of.
But he's helping me out today. Do you see?
HOMIE. FHOMIE.
HODI. CHODI, if you will. Current Head of.
Am I getting fired?
- [chuckles] Wh...
- [chuckles] Fired?
- Why would you think that?
- Because you're head of HR.
I'm HODI, Phil. I just told you that.
Wait, wait, wait, Carol. No, he's right.
- I'm getting fired?
- No.
- Yes.
- What?
- What?
- Okay, maybe not now, but soon.
I mean, this entire model is outdated.
If we're gonna change things,
we got to go big.
- Like, really big.
- Jesus.
Hello?
Hello?
No buttons anywhere.
I mean, not a button on the floor.
[echoes] Help!
Ah! Ah! Mmm. Ah.
♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪
Pretty good.
♪ Every morning there's a halo ♪
Ninety-one, 92.
[vocalizing]
♪ Seventy-six trombones
In the big para... ♪
[sobs]
♪ Followed by rows and rows
Of the finest virtuosos ♪
Keep the body sharp. [Panting]
Keep the mind sharp.
[sighs]
Mmm.
[groans]
[chuckles] Yeah, you're gonna die in here.
[epic music playing]
So, we just wanted to prepare you
for any questions the players might have
about our new NFT initiative.
- Super. Super. Super.
- [Brad] That's right.
Loot boxes are a thing of the past.
NFTs are the future, Sue.
NFT, huh? Hey, I got an NFT for ya.
No fucking thanks.
- Excuse me?
- No fucking thanks!
N, no. Fucking, F. T, thanks.
- Sue.
- It's o... It's okay.
It's good she's approaching this
with her eyes open.
- What do you mean?
- Well, Sue here is about to feel
the weight of the entire gaming Internet
on top of her head.
Mm-hmm. See, there is nothing
that players hate more than NFTs.
Mmm, that's not true. Remember DLC in '97?
- Oh, yeah.
- Free to play in 2000.
- Horse armor in '06.
- Oh, God.
Then the loot boxes, season passes.
Gamers hate everything.
Everything new, that is.
But eventually they adopt it,
learn to like it, forget about it,
and then direct their anger
towards the next commodification
of their pleasure.
- Now I'm confused.
- [Brad] Mm-hmm.
- Are NFTs good or bad?
- Yes.
[Carol] That is not an answer.
Where are you going?
No. I'm going back underground
where I was safe.
- From the players?
- No, from you!
You people coming in here
with your crazy ideas,
torturing me with the knowledge
of my future pain.
I was better off in the basement.
In the dark.
[snoring]
Why do we keep finding people
sleeping in our office?
- Should we wake him?
- David!
[grunts] What the...
[gasps] Where did you come from?
Huh? We've been here all day.
- We were in the lounge.
- There's a lounge?
Where is the lounge?
- It's this way.
- And this way.
- It's both ways.
- And neither.
[groans] I hate you both.
And neither. [Chuckles]
I'm getting the hell out of here.
Okay, how do you call the elevator?
With our minds.
We just think about the elevator
and it comes.
- Really?
- Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
- Button right here.
- [beeps]
[elevator dings]
Definitely don't like this.
Oh, and how's this for a power move?
I pissed in your office.
- It looks like you pissed in your pants.
- Mmm.
Well, yeah,
but I pissed in my pants in your office.
So… [chuckles] Oh, no.
Is this going up? No.
Just think "down," David.
Office, cyan.
[Office voice] Cyan.
- Yeah. That's nice. That is nice.
- That's nice.
- [car horn honks]
- Whoa.
[groans]
Oh, my God. I have to stop eating gluten.
It really wipes me out.
Where are we?
About 30 minutes outside of Vegas.
Why are we in another state?
To do something
you would never normally do.
[Poppy] A gun range?
- [Rachel] No, no, no. I hate guns.
- [Jo] You know what I hate?
Listening to entitled women cry
into their cheap champagne
and overpriced eggs
about how hard the world is.
But I tried something different,
and it got me out of my funk.
Gave me a fresh perspective.
Now, I'd like to return the favor.
[gunshot]
- This is way different to brunch.
- No, it isn't.
You've got your community,
and I've got mine.
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey, darlin'.
- Shooting or crushing?
- Crushing.
- All right.
- [Poppy] Crushing?
Are we getting crushed?
Are we crushing someone else?
What does that mean?
- This place is shady as shit, Jo.
- To you. It's shady as shit to you.
There are 7 billion people on this planet.
Millions of them would not find
this place shady.
- [sighs] Is this a weird political thing?
- No, it's not a political thing.
This is a cure to your actual problems.
[sighs] See, your heads are jammed
so far up your own assholes,
you can't see
there's a whole world out there
that doesn't give a shit about you
or what you're doing.
But the more important you think you are,
the more important you
think your problems are.
And so, you spin and bitch
and bitch and spin.
But today, we're gonna break the cycle.
[tank driver cheering]
Whoo! Yeah!
Whoo!
Crush.
Are we getting in the tank?
I just think that this sends
the wrong message about...
Stop thinking! Stop thinking about
what other people will think about you.
Not Ian, not your douche bag classmates,
not anybody.
The only question
you should be asking yourselves is,
"Do you want to drive the tank?"
[both] Yes.
All right. Let's go.
["Uptight (Everything's All Right)"
playing]
- [cheers] Yeah!
- I can't believe this is happening!
I feel so powerful!
[both screaming]
- [Poppy laughs]
- Screw Berkeley! Screw Beowulf!
[both laughing, shouting]
[Poppy] Yeah! I wanna crush something!
Poppy, Ian texted you back!
Ian who? Throw it in the car!
I'm gonna crush it!
Yeah, crush it!
[both cheering]
[laughing]
[Poppy yells] Yes!
Jo, this is so much better than brunch.
- Yes.
- [Poppy cheers]
Do it again!
[both] Do it again! Do it again!
[both]
Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!
Friends.