Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - A Dark Quiet Death - full transcript
Excuse me.
Do you have any games that don't suck?
Thank you.
That game, that one doesn't suck.
Midnight Justice Five: Corpse Pile?
Yeah, it's Corpse Pile.
Sounds like the name of a band
whose drummer even I wouldn't sleep with.
Okay, tough critic.
This one will be a challenge.
This might be for you.
-No.
-No. Okay.
-What about this?
-Amateur hour.
-This?
-Disgusting.
-This?
-Almost as bad as Corpse Pile.
Do you even like video games?
-Love them.
-You do?
-Then what kind of game do you wanna play?
-I don't know. Something...
-dark.
-Very off-brand.
I contain multitudes.
Okay.
I don't know. I want something
bleak and hopeless, like real life.
Do you know about
Dr. Robotnik and the Mean Bean Machine?
This?
Dr. Robotnik kidnaps the bean people
to suck the joy out of this world.
I think that's pretty real.
Would you consider yourself more
the doctor or a bean in this scenario?
Me? I'd be the doctor.
Not 'cause I'm an evil genius,
but because I'm a man.
That was meant to be charming.
So I guess that makes me
a joyless bean then.
There are worse legumes.
Pointless.
Well, maybe the game
you wanna play doesn't exist.
You ever considered making your own?
-Yes.
-You have?
Yeah.
You said that really fast.
I thought you were gonna be
kind of impressed and blown away
by me even asking.
I'm a video game producer.
-No way.
-Yeah, for real.
-You are?
-Yeah.
I was saying that for real
'cause that's what I do.
I produce video games.
We make video games.
I got a couple games here actually.
-You really have a game?
-What games have you produced?
-What games do I have?
-Yeah.
Have I ever heard of any?
-Mine?
-Yeah.
-I'm sure.
-Like what?
I've been in the business for six years.
What have you produced?
What?
-What have you produced?
-Games.
What's your idea?
-Tell me a game you've produced first.
-I don't want to.
Corpse Pile.
It's a better game than the title.
And I didn't come up
with the title or the cover.
-You really produced Corpse Pile?
-I really did.
-I did not expect that--
-Man, you must feel fuckin' ashamed.
Yeah. The start was bad.
And then you tried to get me
to buy Corpse Pile.
No. I tried to get you
to say it was a good game.
And then I was gonna say
I'm a video game producer to impress you.
-Well.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Okay.
So you roam through the different levels
using your flashlight
to kill the monsters?
Very close. You don't kill the monsters,
you just push them back.
They're a metaphor for fear and mortality.
Well, I'm confused.
How do you win the game then?
That's the best part. There's no winning.
Yeah. There's no evil boss.
There's no glorious ending.
It's like actual life, you know.
You're just surviving as long as you can.
I'm gonna help you with this.
This is the part of the pitch
where you appreciate our scrappy spirit,
but you say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
-It's not what he said.
-We know how this ends.
-Don't--
-We've done this a thousand times.
Well, admittedly the concept is a bit of
a departure from our current portfolio.
We tend to produce
family-friendly platformers here.
You may have heard of Kitten Bonsai.
Classic. So fun.
Or Rockin' Boppin' Chicken.
Yeah. Great.
So, what is this game called?
Dark Quiet Death.
-A working title?
-Yeah.
Okay, look.
Here's where we're at with it. We know
the DQD game is a little bit off-brand,
but that's why my fiancée and I made it.
There's nothing like it
in the marketplace.
-And you say it's already completed?
-90%.
We need funding for beta testing,
certification, but we're--
If it's a hill, we're right at the top.
Could you make it work
for, say, a $300,000 advance?
Yes.
What the heck. Let's do it.
-Thank you for your time.
-Okay.
I will have the team in Montreal get
in touch with you guys with final numbers.
-What?
-Looking forward to working with you.
-And also with you.
-Thank you. Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-Thank you very much.
-And the game doesn't have a winner.
-Thank you.
-Be cool. Be cool.
-Be cool. Be cool.
Nope.
No.
You can't win this one either.
You're trash.
As you can see,
there is plenty of natural light.
-Very exciting.
-And with a few minor renovations,
-you can build walls, make offices.
-Sure we can.
What's the outlet situation?
'Cause we're gonna need the wattage.
I'm not sure offhand, but I can check.
I'll tell you why, Patricia.
We're a video game company.
Yeah. We made the game
Dark Quiet Death, so...
-Wow.
-Yeah. Not sure if you heard of it, but--
I haven't, but it sounds great.
We're doing the sequel right now
and that's why we need this space.
-And a lot of space.
-Congratulations to you.
-Thank you. Gimme a sec, okay?
-Great.
I kinda love it.
I feel at home. You?
You a yeah?
I think it feels too exposed.
Beans, Montreal expects
a 45% sales bump for DQD 2.
It's gotta be amazing.
Well, I thought DQD 1 was amazing.
DQD 1 is amazing,
but now we have so much money
we can kinda do anything we want.
And I think this space would help.
I don't like thinking about our game
in terms of square footage.
Neither do I.
Okay. Picture this-- you and me in here
toiling to bring
our bleak message of fatalism
to all the little boys
and all the little girls
suffering from unearned optimism.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just don't see
how we can afford this place.
That brings up the best part.
I was saving this part.
-Patricia!
-Yes. Here we go.
-There you are.
-I'm coming. Yes.
Do you mind telling my lovely wife
why this place is so inexpensive?
Well, you know.
The interest rates are so high
and that keeps the prices down.
Patricia, you mind
cutting the shit a little bit?
This is the old
Harrison & Sons Textiles building.
Wait.
Harrison & Sons Textiles as in
the Harrison & Sons sweatshop inferno?
-That's the one.
-Well, it wasn't a sweatshop.
And "inferno" is a very strong word.
Isn't it true that there were 40 workers
who were burned to death
-in this very room?
-Forty-two.
That was a hundred years ago.
And technically,
they died of smoke inhalation.
Oh, my God. That's so much worse.
Yeah, it's terrible.
And isn't it also true
that in the last century
almost every business
that's come here has failed?
As if this place is-- What's the word
I'm looking for? Like it's cursed.
"Cursed."
And don't some people say that
the specters of all these burned victims
roam these halls,
-punishing people who try to come here?
-Wait, no--
-This building is not haunted.
-We'll take it.
We'll take it.
Good news. We'll take it.
That's great.
There's just a couple of things to sign.
Already on it.
Sorry.
The building isn't technically yours yet--
I wouldn't interrupt her
when she has the knife out.
She gets a little jumpy.
-You said something about paperwork?
-Yes, I did.
I'm your guy. Let's get to signing.
Come on, let's go have some fun.
Fuck you.
All right. Thank you, guys.
All right. Cool. Here are the notes.
-Love of my life.
-Look at this.
The art department just sent up
new concept ideas for the monster design.
But I think that we're still seeing
too much of the monsters.
So, in later levels,
I wanna weaken the flashlight beams
so it's like
the batteries are running low.
To illustrate fatigue.
-Exactly.
-I think it's great.
Thank you.
This is terrible.
-I was sprucing the place up.
-Beans!
This goes in here.
And this is a very sweet gift
from Montreal. Okay?
And this goes right here.
It's a nice gift
because we sold so many units.
Speaking of success, I just went
to a really wild meeting with Marketing.
-They're vampires.
-Parasites.
But some of the research they did,
when you actually go over
all the analytics of everything--
Like focus groups?
Yeah, some of the focus groups they did,
but they actually--
We agreed we weren't
gonna do any focus groups.
And we're not doing focus groups.
They're doing focus groups.
-'Cause they're imbeciles.
-Morons.
But they came up with
some interesting stuff
-that we don't have to take.
-Great.
It's just, the thing that they kept
coming back to about our game--
-They want to kill the monsters.
-They'd like to kill the monsters.
Yes, of course.
That completely tracks for them.
That's why you don't ask John Q. Meatbag
his opinion on things.
And I agree.
But Montreal thinks that would bring in
tons of new people to our game.
Eluding the inevitable
is what our entire game is about.
-Right?
-Right.
So if you, all of a sudden,
can kill the monsters,
that changes all of that.
That's not our game.
If the monsters die,
our game also dies. Yes?
But if we had the art department
make the monsters look like your mother,
would you be okay with
a wholesale slaughter then?
We both know there aren't
enough pixels in the world
to capture a monster of that magnitude.
So true.
All I'm asking you to do...
just take a look.
That's it.
At the inside.
Fuckin' shit.
Ass.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Maybe you should be.
Get ready for Dark...
Quiet...
Death...
2.
Coming this Christmas.
Okay.
I mean, you can't accuse
Marketing of being subtle.
What... was that?
Yeah.
I agreed to guns in the game that would
dissipate the monsters,
not kill them. Right?
Right. And that's still true for the game.
Doc, did we just watch the same thing?
Because to me, a monster's skullcap
blasting through a drop ceiling
looks a lot like death.
-Yeah, but--
-No. It looks permanent.
You're dead right.
But it's just for dramatic effect
to pull people to the game.
That's all this is.
We gotta see this for what it is.
-That's all it is.
-So we're lying?
No. We're not lying.
Our game is true. Marketing is lying.
But it's just to pull people in.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
That is a wonderfully
sagacious justification, Doc.
I don't know what any of those words mean
except for "wonderful,"
and I like that word.
Beans, look at it this way, okay?
That commercial aired last night
during The X-Files, right?
Which means
there are 20 million new people
who now know about our game
and might wanna buy it.
What happens when they get
their grubby little mitts on our game
and realize they can't Jackson Pollock
monster viscera all over the walls?
-What then?
-Then we thank Video Hut
for their aggressive no-return policy
and we count our money.
Come on. This is okay.
Mom and Dad are fighting.
We are, but we still love ya.
But if we break up, it is your fault.
We're being charming.
This is charming right now. Trust us.
Okay, guys, okay.
Right. Go ahead, Brandon.
Okay. So the weapon wheel
was just so overcrowded
that we were having a hard time
maintaining the flashlight slot.
But we know it's integral to the game,
so we came up with this.
Light still plays a role,
but it's in tandem with the weapons.
That makes sense.
Thank you, Tom.
A laser sight isn't a flashlight.
I know. We tried mounting
the flashlight on the rifle,
but it was clunky and the new environments
have the game much better lit,
so the flashlight's more of
a throwback than a necessity.
That makes perfect sense.
Yes, it does make perfect sense, Tom.
Thank you again for jumping in.
I'm gonna explain to you what I already
explained to the art department.
The game is called Dark Quiet Death, yes?
The shotgun addition has already blown
a gaping wound in the "quiet."
We are not going to
lose the "dark" as well.
-We're all on the same page.
-Understood universally, right?
-Right? Yes?
-Thank you.
And I think that's represented here.
Am I right?
I think what they're saying
is the laser light implies darkness.
Something either is dark or it is not.
-What do you mean, "implies darkness"?
-I mean, if you--
-Do you understand what "implies" means?
-I do.
-What does it mean?
-"Implies" is actually--
Shut the fuck up, Tom.
I don't think you understand
what you're talking about.
Darkness, it cannot be implied.
It either is or isn't. It's a constant.
This guy did a lot of work.
He's doing good work.
-No, I--
-There's room for nuance.
-I agree.
-Thank you, Tom!
It's the Tom Show, everyone.
Thank God that the brand manager
thinks that there is room for nuance.
Could you please show a little respect?
-Please.
-My tone is implying respect for Tom.
This seems like a larger discussion
that we need to make time for,
so let's table it for now
and we'll jump back in tomorrow?
-Okay? Thanks, guys.
-Sure.
-Thank you, Brandon.
-Thank you.
-Thanks, everybody.
-Thank you.
And we're still on for that call tomorrow
morning at 9:00 a.m.? In my office.
I don't think you should
speak to him like that
-and you know it.
-What call?
What call?
Disney reached out.
No.
That wasn't a question.
It was a statement.
You think this is a Disney product?
Are you out of your mind?
I think it's worth taking the call
because it's Disney.
But we know how it's gonna end.
This isn't a children's musical.
It's Dark Quiet Death.
Why am I having to repeat myself?
I just said this in front of--
You of all people should know this.
I know Tiffany Winters is interested
in playing the lead.
Tiffany Winters?
She's America's sweetheart.
Bean! Look, we both know
that a DQD movie is inarguably insane.
But it could bring millions
of people to our game.
Doc, if you take your eye off the vision,
they will murder it. Do you understand?
It's like the thing with the frog
in the pot of water.
That he just keeps swimming away.
He's oblivious to the fact
that he is being boiled to death.
-We're not gonna let that happen--
-It has already happened.
It hasn't.
Yes, it has. Look at the amount of
concessions that we have made.
Pretty soon there is gonna be nothing left
of my game worth saving.
Is that what you think?
This is just your game?
Sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one protecting it.
You think this is your game.
-Sometimes.
-Not our game. "Sometimes."
I am really sorry that DQD didn't just
end up some little indie one-off. Okay?
And I have not been happy about
every concession that we have had to make,
but, admit it or not,
those concessions brought us people.
And without those changes,
this game would've died long before
it ever left your fucking dream journal.
How many fucking times have I told you?
This means something to me!
Stop putting flowers in it.
You're right.
If our game had been a baby...
I probably would've
drowned it in the toilet at prom.
Why do you have to be
so morbid all the time?
I'm just sick of it.
I didn't mean it like that.
Well, that was really sweet.
How off-brand of me.
I'm sorry I said those mean things.
You're not wrong.
I know that.
But this has all gotten
really big really fast.
And I am constantly terrified
that we are going to lose
the thing about our game
that makes it worth all of...
all this.
But we're not.
They took the dark. They took the quiet.
They'll never take the death.
We will always have the death.
You weird, morbid chick.
Look, it is still you and me.
Look, it's still you and me all the way
down at the bottom fighting everybody off.
And it always has been,
and it always will be. Okay?
I promise I'll try to be more open.
I promise I'll try to raise
your little toilet baby
as if it was my toilet baby.
I have hated you since the day I met you.
I'm counting the days
until you turn to dust.
This summer, darkness will fall.
But one warrior will not go quietly.
Let...
there...
be...
light.
Tiffany Winters is...
Ash Light.
Dark Quiet Death, the movie.
Lights out, baby.
Coming soon. This film is not yet rated.
AOL keyword: "Dark Quiet Death."
Tom, give me the good news.
What do you got?
Good news is all I got, man.
The movie's a hit,
the studio is thrilled,
they already green-lit the sequel.
Oh, and the part
I know you care most about,
game sales are up 35%.
Holy shit. Are you kidding me?
The guys in Montreal
are losing their minds, man.
They are pushing
for the next game to be released
along with the summer movie cycle.
You gotta be kidding me.
No, no. You don't mean this summer, right?
'Cause that would be crazy.
It would be crazy to say "this summer."
And you're not a crazy person, Tom.
You're getting way ahead of yourself, man.
Look, the deal isn't going anywhere.
We can hash all this out on Monday.
Let's just take the win for now, okay?
All right, I'm just not--
All right, you're right.
It's been a crazy year,
and I think the lady and I
have earned a little celebration.
Damn right you did.
You two enjoy your trip.
All right, my friend. I'll talk to you.
Hey, girl.
-We're a hit.
-We are. I knew we would be.
-You excited?
-Yes!
-Here we go.
-Let's go.
All right, little buddy, that's enough.
Let's go.
Oh, Roscoe.
Roscoe mad!
-Tom, what are you laughing at?
-Roscoe mad.
At Roscoe. Roscoe's funny, man.
They named that thing "Roscoe"?
Yeah, Montreal seems to think
there's room to expand his role
in the DQD-verse.
-That character?
-He tested through the roof, man.
Did you tell them it's an insane idea?
'Cause it is. It's an insane idea.
Because obviously DQD is not a kids' game.
Well, that's not entirely true anymore.
Since the movie, we've seen a significant
uptick in players eight and younger.
Who lets their eight-year-old
play Dark Quiet Death?
-I don't know, man.
-I'm not changing the game
'cause people don't know how
to raise their shitty kids.
I'm just not doing it.
Doesn't make any sense.
I hear you.
I hear you, but this is an opportunity
to reach a much wider audience.
Tom, we moved 5.3 million units last year.
I think we're moving
in the right direction.
Look...
All they want...
is a final battle where the player
has the chance to beat the game.
An end? They want an end?
-An end they can win, yeah.
-We've discussed this.
That's overcoming death.
It doesn't make any sense.
Well, it's worth considering.
We could be the biggest game in the world.
Yes, that would be nice.
But this isn't the way to do it.
It just doesn't work.
All right.
I want to get there too,
and we are gonna get there, okay, friend?
But this isn't the way to do it.
I don't agree.
What?
I don't agree, man.
Well, then fuck you.
What?
Fuck you and your brand manager bullshit.
Okay. Okay.
Don't say "okay."
This is just like you guys.
-What guys?
-You!
Movie execs, Montreal,
your focus groups,
your quarterly portfolios, all of it.
It's just enough, man. It's suffocating.
You know, it's funny.
You know what? My ex-wife was right.
She was right about something.
It's like the frog in the pot, right?
And you guys keep turning up the heat.
And you keep turning it up
until I am boiled to death.
I think you have your metaphor twisted.
You're not the frog in that scenario,
you're the chef.
Very good.
It's really easy for you to
say something like that, right?
It's really easy for you to say that
because you don't care like I care.
Because it's not your game, it's my game.
You're right, it's yours.
And you can berate me all you want,
I'll sit here and I'll take it.
'Cause at the end of the day,
me, movie execs, the focus groups,
the guys in Montreal,
we're all gonna do what you say, man.
You know why? Because we always have.
'Cause you're the boss, Michael.
You're right.
You're right, I am.
And I won't corrupt it for another second.
Death remains the beating heart
of this game,
and I will be goddamned if I rip it up.
It's enough.
No final battle.
No Muppet.
It's either Roscoe or me.
It's Roscoe!
Roscoe!
Hey, kids,
say hello to your new best friend.
Awesome!
And now you can have
the perfect Roscoe for any adventure.
Deep Sea Roscoe, Safari Roscoe,
Princess Roscoe,
Arctic Attack Roscoe,
Rappin' Roscoe with boom box.
I'm Rappin' Roscoe
And I'm here to say
I like to rap in a major way
If you loved him on the screen,
you'll want him in your heart.
Roscoe!
Now available everywhere.
My God.
No escape.
Just trash.
I hate that snaggletooth shit.
But he did pay for my veneers.
So...
Yes, I went with the full set
of wooden dentures.
Oh, yeah?
Well, that's just practical.
And sustainable. I applaud that, actually.
Hey, Bean.
Hey, Doc.
-Hey.
-Hi.
How are ya?
Can you believe all this garbage?
Just all run-and-gun now.
Well, I think there's
some good stuff, right, Beans?
You got Blood Siren Seven:
Curse of the She-Wolf.
Oh, Doc, come on.
-Seems to be a layered think piece.
-Right.
There's some other good stuff.
I think we could-- There's something fun
with Barrel Ape Madness 3.
No? You're not seeing this
the way I'm seeing this?
Well, I mean, I--
No, I see. I see.
-Oh, you are seeing.
-Yeah, I know.
-I wasn't seeing Barrel Ape Madness.
-Yeah.
Please rest assured
this is a pile of shit.
But it shuts my kids up, so...
it's worth it.
-I didn't even know you were married.
-Yeah.
How many kids?
Nineteen. How's Tiffany?
-She's dead?
-No.
-You killed her?
-No. She's--
I thought it was gonna be the cocaine
that killed her, but, oh, my God.
-Okay.
-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Doc, that's not--
-I deserve this.
-I'm sorry. Are you okay?
I'm fine.
And, Beans, I'm the one that's sorry.
You know,
if you're not finding the game
you wanna play...
maybe you should make it yourself.
You know, I just might.
It was really good to see you, Doc.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah.
-So soon?
-Yeah.
We just started talking.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Okay, yeah. You too.
Bye, Beans.
Nine dollars.
You should try this one.
This was a really good game.
In conclusion, yes,
there are many other MMOs out there,
but this game will lay waste to them all.
Mythic Quest will revolutionize the genre
because this game has something
that no one else will:
Me.
And a bunch of other guys. Like this.
Do you have any games that don't suck?
Thank you.
That game, that one doesn't suck.
Midnight Justice Five: Corpse Pile?
Yeah, it's Corpse Pile.
Sounds like the name of a band
whose drummer even I wouldn't sleep with.
Okay, tough critic.
This one will be a challenge.
This might be for you.
-No.
-No. Okay.
-What about this?
-Amateur hour.
-This?
-Disgusting.
-This?
-Almost as bad as Corpse Pile.
Do you even like video games?
-Love them.
-You do?
-Then what kind of game do you wanna play?
-I don't know. Something...
-dark.
-Very off-brand.
I contain multitudes.
Okay.
I don't know. I want something
bleak and hopeless, like real life.
Do you know about
Dr. Robotnik and the Mean Bean Machine?
This?
Dr. Robotnik kidnaps the bean people
to suck the joy out of this world.
I think that's pretty real.
Would you consider yourself more
the doctor or a bean in this scenario?
Me? I'd be the doctor.
Not 'cause I'm an evil genius,
but because I'm a man.
That was meant to be charming.
So I guess that makes me
a joyless bean then.
There are worse legumes.
Pointless.
Well, maybe the game
you wanna play doesn't exist.
You ever considered making your own?
-Yes.
-You have?
Yeah.
You said that really fast.
I thought you were gonna be
kind of impressed and blown away
by me even asking.
I'm a video game producer.
-No way.
-Yeah, for real.
-You are?
-Yeah.
I was saying that for real
'cause that's what I do.
I produce video games.
We make video games.
I got a couple games here actually.
-You really have a game?
-What games have you produced?
-What games do I have?
-Yeah.
Have I ever heard of any?
-Mine?
-Yeah.
-I'm sure.
-Like what?
I've been in the business for six years.
What have you produced?
What?
-What have you produced?
-Games.
What's your idea?
-Tell me a game you've produced first.
-I don't want to.
Corpse Pile.
It's a better game than the title.
And I didn't come up
with the title or the cover.
-You really produced Corpse Pile?
-I really did.
-I did not expect that--
-Man, you must feel fuckin' ashamed.
Yeah. The start was bad.
And then you tried to get me
to buy Corpse Pile.
No. I tried to get you
to say it was a good game.
And then I was gonna say
I'm a video game producer to impress you.
-Well.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Okay.
So you roam through the different levels
using your flashlight
to kill the monsters?
Very close. You don't kill the monsters,
you just push them back.
They're a metaphor for fear and mortality.
Well, I'm confused.
How do you win the game then?
That's the best part. There's no winning.
Yeah. There's no evil boss.
There's no glorious ending.
It's like actual life, you know.
You're just surviving as long as you can.
I'm gonna help you with this.
This is the part of the pitch
where you appreciate our scrappy spirit,
but you say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
-It's not what he said.
-We know how this ends.
-Don't--
-We've done this a thousand times.
Well, admittedly the concept is a bit of
a departure from our current portfolio.
We tend to produce
family-friendly platformers here.
You may have heard of Kitten Bonsai.
Classic. So fun.
Or Rockin' Boppin' Chicken.
Yeah. Great.
So, what is this game called?
Dark Quiet Death.
-A working title?
-Yeah.
Okay, look.
Here's where we're at with it. We know
the DQD game is a little bit off-brand,
but that's why my fiancée and I made it.
There's nothing like it
in the marketplace.
-And you say it's already completed?
-90%.
We need funding for beta testing,
certification, but we're--
If it's a hill, we're right at the top.
Could you make it work
for, say, a $300,000 advance?
Yes.
What the heck. Let's do it.
-Thank you for your time.
-Okay.
I will have the team in Montreal get
in touch with you guys with final numbers.
-What?
-Looking forward to working with you.
-And also with you.
-Thank you. Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-Thank you very much.
-And the game doesn't have a winner.
-Thank you.
-Be cool. Be cool.
-Be cool. Be cool.
Nope.
No.
You can't win this one either.
You're trash.
As you can see,
there is plenty of natural light.
-Very exciting.
-And with a few minor renovations,
-you can build walls, make offices.
-Sure we can.
What's the outlet situation?
'Cause we're gonna need the wattage.
I'm not sure offhand, but I can check.
I'll tell you why, Patricia.
We're a video game company.
Yeah. We made the game
Dark Quiet Death, so...
-Wow.
-Yeah. Not sure if you heard of it, but--
I haven't, but it sounds great.
We're doing the sequel right now
and that's why we need this space.
-And a lot of space.
-Congratulations to you.
-Thank you. Gimme a sec, okay?
-Great.
I kinda love it.
I feel at home. You?
You a yeah?
I think it feels too exposed.
Beans, Montreal expects
a 45% sales bump for DQD 2.
It's gotta be amazing.
Well, I thought DQD 1 was amazing.
DQD 1 is amazing,
but now we have so much money
we can kinda do anything we want.
And I think this space would help.
I don't like thinking about our game
in terms of square footage.
Neither do I.
Okay. Picture this-- you and me in here
toiling to bring
our bleak message of fatalism
to all the little boys
and all the little girls
suffering from unearned optimism.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just don't see
how we can afford this place.
That brings up the best part.
I was saving this part.
-Patricia!
-Yes. Here we go.
-There you are.
-I'm coming. Yes.
Do you mind telling my lovely wife
why this place is so inexpensive?
Well, you know.
The interest rates are so high
and that keeps the prices down.
Patricia, you mind
cutting the shit a little bit?
This is the old
Harrison & Sons Textiles building.
Wait.
Harrison & Sons Textiles as in
the Harrison & Sons sweatshop inferno?
-That's the one.
-Well, it wasn't a sweatshop.
And "inferno" is a very strong word.
Isn't it true that there were 40 workers
who were burned to death
-in this very room?
-Forty-two.
That was a hundred years ago.
And technically,
they died of smoke inhalation.
Oh, my God. That's so much worse.
Yeah, it's terrible.
And isn't it also true
that in the last century
almost every business
that's come here has failed?
As if this place is-- What's the word
I'm looking for? Like it's cursed.
"Cursed."
And don't some people say that
the specters of all these burned victims
roam these halls,
-punishing people who try to come here?
-Wait, no--
-This building is not haunted.
-We'll take it.
We'll take it.
Good news. We'll take it.
That's great.
There's just a couple of things to sign.
Already on it.
Sorry.
The building isn't technically yours yet--
I wouldn't interrupt her
when she has the knife out.
She gets a little jumpy.
-You said something about paperwork?
-Yes, I did.
I'm your guy. Let's get to signing.
Come on, let's go have some fun.
Fuck you.
All right. Thank you, guys.
All right. Cool. Here are the notes.
-Love of my life.
-Look at this.
The art department just sent up
new concept ideas for the monster design.
But I think that we're still seeing
too much of the monsters.
So, in later levels,
I wanna weaken the flashlight beams
so it's like
the batteries are running low.
To illustrate fatigue.
-Exactly.
-I think it's great.
Thank you.
This is terrible.
-I was sprucing the place up.
-Beans!
This goes in here.
And this is a very sweet gift
from Montreal. Okay?
And this goes right here.
It's a nice gift
because we sold so many units.
Speaking of success, I just went
to a really wild meeting with Marketing.
-They're vampires.
-Parasites.
But some of the research they did,
when you actually go over
all the analytics of everything--
Like focus groups?
Yeah, some of the focus groups they did,
but they actually--
We agreed we weren't
gonna do any focus groups.
And we're not doing focus groups.
They're doing focus groups.
-'Cause they're imbeciles.
-Morons.
But they came up with
some interesting stuff
-that we don't have to take.
-Great.
It's just, the thing that they kept
coming back to about our game--
-They want to kill the monsters.
-They'd like to kill the monsters.
Yes, of course.
That completely tracks for them.
That's why you don't ask John Q. Meatbag
his opinion on things.
And I agree.
But Montreal thinks that would bring in
tons of new people to our game.
Eluding the inevitable
is what our entire game is about.
-Right?
-Right.
So if you, all of a sudden,
can kill the monsters,
that changes all of that.
That's not our game.
If the monsters die,
our game also dies. Yes?
But if we had the art department
make the monsters look like your mother,
would you be okay with
a wholesale slaughter then?
We both know there aren't
enough pixels in the world
to capture a monster of that magnitude.
So true.
All I'm asking you to do...
just take a look.
That's it.
At the inside.
Fuckin' shit.
Ass.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Maybe you should be.
Get ready for Dark...
Quiet...
Death...
2.
Coming this Christmas.
Okay.
I mean, you can't accuse
Marketing of being subtle.
What... was that?
Yeah.
I agreed to guns in the game that would
dissipate the monsters,
not kill them. Right?
Right. And that's still true for the game.
Doc, did we just watch the same thing?
Because to me, a monster's skullcap
blasting through a drop ceiling
looks a lot like death.
-Yeah, but--
-No. It looks permanent.
You're dead right.
But it's just for dramatic effect
to pull people to the game.
That's all this is.
We gotta see this for what it is.
-That's all it is.
-So we're lying?
No. We're not lying.
Our game is true. Marketing is lying.
But it's just to pull people in.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
That is a wonderfully
sagacious justification, Doc.
I don't know what any of those words mean
except for "wonderful,"
and I like that word.
Beans, look at it this way, okay?
That commercial aired last night
during The X-Files, right?
Which means
there are 20 million new people
who now know about our game
and might wanna buy it.
What happens when they get
their grubby little mitts on our game
and realize they can't Jackson Pollock
monster viscera all over the walls?
-What then?
-Then we thank Video Hut
for their aggressive no-return policy
and we count our money.
Come on. This is okay.
Mom and Dad are fighting.
We are, but we still love ya.
But if we break up, it is your fault.
We're being charming.
This is charming right now. Trust us.
Okay, guys, okay.
Right. Go ahead, Brandon.
Okay. So the weapon wheel
was just so overcrowded
that we were having a hard time
maintaining the flashlight slot.
But we know it's integral to the game,
so we came up with this.
Light still plays a role,
but it's in tandem with the weapons.
That makes sense.
Thank you, Tom.
A laser sight isn't a flashlight.
I know. We tried mounting
the flashlight on the rifle,
but it was clunky and the new environments
have the game much better lit,
so the flashlight's more of
a throwback than a necessity.
That makes perfect sense.
Yes, it does make perfect sense, Tom.
Thank you again for jumping in.
I'm gonna explain to you what I already
explained to the art department.
The game is called Dark Quiet Death, yes?
The shotgun addition has already blown
a gaping wound in the "quiet."
We are not going to
lose the "dark" as well.
-We're all on the same page.
-Understood universally, right?
-Right? Yes?
-Thank you.
And I think that's represented here.
Am I right?
I think what they're saying
is the laser light implies darkness.
Something either is dark or it is not.
-What do you mean, "implies darkness"?
-I mean, if you--
-Do you understand what "implies" means?
-I do.
-What does it mean?
-"Implies" is actually--
Shut the fuck up, Tom.
I don't think you understand
what you're talking about.
Darkness, it cannot be implied.
It either is or isn't. It's a constant.
This guy did a lot of work.
He's doing good work.
-No, I--
-There's room for nuance.
-I agree.
-Thank you, Tom!
It's the Tom Show, everyone.
Thank God that the brand manager
thinks that there is room for nuance.
Could you please show a little respect?
-Please.
-My tone is implying respect for Tom.
This seems like a larger discussion
that we need to make time for,
so let's table it for now
and we'll jump back in tomorrow?
-Okay? Thanks, guys.
-Sure.
-Thank you, Brandon.
-Thank you.
-Thanks, everybody.
-Thank you.
And we're still on for that call tomorrow
morning at 9:00 a.m.? In my office.
I don't think you should
speak to him like that
-and you know it.
-What call?
What call?
Disney reached out.
No.
That wasn't a question.
It was a statement.
You think this is a Disney product?
Are you out of your mind?
I think it's worth taking the call
because it's Disney.
But we know how it's gonna end.
This isn't a children's musical.
It's Dark Quiet Death.
Why am I having to repeat myself?
I just said this in front of--
You of all people should know this.
I know Tiffany Winters is interested
in playing the lead.
Tiffany Winters?
She's America's sweetheart.
Bean! Look, we both know
that a DQD movie is inarguably insane.
But it could bring millions
of people to our game.
Doc, if you take your eye off the vision,
they will murder it. Do you understand?
It's like the thing with the frog
in the pot of water.
That he just keeps swimming away.
He's oblivious to the fact
that he is being boiled to death.
-We're not gonna let that happen--
-It has already happened.
It hasn't.
Yes, it has. Look at the amount of
concessions that we have made.
Pretty soon there is gonna be nothing left
of my game worth saving.
Is that what you think?
This is just your game?
Sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one protecting it.
You think this is your game.
-Sometimes.
-Not our game. "Sometimes."
I am really sorry that DQD didn't just
end up some little indie one-off. Okay?
And I have not been happy about
every concession that we have had to make,
but, admit it or not,
those concessions brought us people.
And without those changes,
this game would've died long before
it ever left your fucking dream journal.
How many fucking times have I told you?
This means something to me!
Stop putting flowers in it.
You're right.
If our game had been a baby...
I probably would've
drowned it in the toilet at prom.
Why do you have to be
so morbid all the time?
I'm just sick of it.
I didn't mean it like that.
Well, that was really sweet.
How off-brand of me.
I'm sorry I said those mean things.
You're not wrong.
I know that.
But this has all gotten
really big really fast.
And I am constantly terrified
that we are going to lose
the thing about our game
that makes it worth all of...
all this.
But we're not.
They took the dark. They took the quiet.
They'll never take the death.
We will always have the death.
You weird, morbid chick.
Look, it is still you and me.
Look, it's still you and me all the way
down at the bottom fighting everybody off.
And it always has been,
and it always will be. Okay?
I promise I'll try to be more open.
I promise I'll try to raise
your little toilet baby
as if it was my toilet baby.
I have hated you since the day I met you.
I'm counting the days
until you turn to dust.
This summer, darkness will fall.
But one warrior will not go quietly.
Let...
there...
be...
light.
Tiffany Winters is...
Ash Light.
Dark Quiet Death, the movie.
Lights out, baby.
Coming soon. This film is not yet rated.
AOL keyword: "Dark Quiet Death."
Tom, give me the good news.
What do you got?
Good news is all I got, man.
The movie's a hit,
the studio is thrilled,
they already green-lit the sequel.
Oh, and the part
I know you care most about,
game sales are up 35%.
Holy shit. Are you kidding me?
The guys in Montreal
are losing their minds, man.
They are pushing
for the next game to be released
along with the summer movie cycle.
You gotta be kidding me.
No, no. You don't mean this summer, right?
'Cause that would be crazy.
It would be crazy to say "this summer."
And you're not a crazy person, Tom.
You're getting way ahead of yourself, man.
Look, the deal isn't going anywhere.
We can hash all this out on Monday.
Let's just take the win for now, okay?
All right, I'm just not--
All right, you're right.
It's been a crazy year,
and I think the lady and I
have earned a little celebration.
Damn right you did.
You two enjoy your trip.
All right, my friend. I'll talk to you.
Hey, girl.
-We're a hit.
-We are. I knew we would be.
-You excited?
-Yes!
-Here we go.
-Let's go.
All right, little buddy, that's enough.
Let's go.
Oh, Roscoe.
Roscoe mad!
-Tom, what are you laughing at?
-Roscoe mad.
At Roscoe. Roscoe's funny, man.
They named that thing "Roscoe"?
Yeah, Montreal seems to think
there's room to expand his role
in the DQD-verse.
-That character?
-He tested through the roof, man.
Did you tell them it's an insane idea?
'Cause it is. It's an insane idea.
Because obviously DQD is not a kids' game.
Well, that's not entirely true anymore.
Since the movie, we've seen a significant
uptick in players eight and younger.
Who lets their eight-year-old
play Dark Quiet Death?
-I don't know, man.
-I'm not changing the game
'cause people don't know how
to raise their shitty kids.
I'm just not doing it.
Doesn't make any sense.
I hear you.
I hear you, but this is an opportunity
to reach a much wider audience.
Tom, we moved 5.3 million units last year.
I think we're moving
in the right direction.
Look...
All they want...
is a final battle where the player
has the chance to beat the game.
An end? They want an end?
-An end they can win, yeah.
-We've discussed this.
That's overcoming death.
It doesn't make any sense.
Well, it's worth considering.
We could be the biggest game in the world.
Yes, that would be nice.
But this isn't the way to do it.
It just doesn't work.
All right.
I want to get there too,
and we are gonna get there, okay, friend?
But this isn't the way to do it.
I don't agree.
What?
I don't agree, man.
Well, then fuck you.
What?
Fuck you and your brand manager bullshit.
Okay. Okay.
Don't say "okay."
This is just like you guys.
-What guys?
-You!
Movie execs, Montreal,
your focus groups,
your quarterly portfolios, all of it.
It's just enough, man. It's suffocating.
You know, it's funny.
You know what? My ex-wife was right.
She was right about something.
It's like the frog in the pot, right?
And you guys keep turning up the heat.
And you keep turning it up
until I am boiled to death.
I think you have your metaphor twisted.
You're not the frog in that scenario,
you're the chef.
Very good.
It's really easy for you to
say something like that, right?
It's really easy for you to say that
because you don't care like I care.
Because it's not your game, it's my game.
You're right, it's yours.
And you can berate me all you want,
I'll sit here and I'll take it.
'Cause at the end of the day,
me, movie execs, the focus groups,
the guys in Montreal,
we're all gonna do what you say, man.
You know why? Because we always have.
'Cause you're the boss, Michael.
You're right.
You're right, I am.
And I won't corrupt it for another second.
Death remains the beating heart
of this game,
and I will be goddamned if I rip it up.
It's enough.
No final battle.
No Muppet.
It's either Roscoe or me.
It's Roscoe!
Roscoe!
Hey, kids,
say hello to your new best friend.
Awesome!
And now you can have
the perfect Roscoe for any adventure.
Deep Sea Roscoe, Safari Roscoe,
Princess Roscoe,
Arctic Attack Roscoe,
Rappin' Roscoe with boom box.
I'm Rappin' Roscoe
And I'm here to say
I like to rap in a major way
If you loved him on the screen,
you'll want him in your heart.
Roscoe!
Now available everywhere.
My God.
No escape.
Just trash.
I hate that snaggletooth shit.
But he did pay for my veneers.
So...
Yes, I went with the full set
of wooden dentures.
Oh, yeah?
Well, that's just practical.
And sustainable. I applaud that, actually.
Hey, Bean.
Hey, Doc.
-Hey.
-Hi.
How are ya?
Can you believe all this garbage?
Just all run-and-gun now.
Well, I think there's
some good stuff, right, Beans?
You got Blood Siren Seven:
Curse of the She-Wolf.
Oh, Doc, come on.
-Seems to be a layered think piece.
-Right.
There's some other good stuff.
I think we could-- There's something fun
with Barrel Ape Madness 3.
No? You're not seeing this
the way I'm seeing this?
Well, I mean, I--
No, I see. I see.
-Oh, you are seeing.
-Yeah, I know.
-I wasn't seeing Barrel Ape Madness.
-Yeah.
Please rest assured
this is a pile of shit.
But it shuts my kids up, so...
it's worth it.
-I didn't even know you were married.
-Yeah.
How many kids?
Nineteen. How's Tiffany?
-She's dead?
-No.
-You killed her?
-No. She's--
I thought it was gonna be the cocaine
that killed her, but, oh, my God.
-Okay.
-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Doc, that's not--
-I deserve this.
-I'm sorry. Are you okay?
I'm fine.
And, Beans, I'm the one that's sorry.
You know,
if you're not finding the game
you wanna play...
maybe you should make it yourself.
You know, I just might.
It was really good to see you, Doc.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah.
-So soon?
-Yeah.
We just started talking.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Okay, yeah. You too.
Bye, Beans.
Nine dollars.
You should try this one.
This was a really good game.
In conclusion, yes,
there are many other MMOs out there,
but this game will lay waste to them all.
Mythic Quest will revolutionize the genre
because this game has something
that no one else will:
Me.
And a bunch of other guys. Like this.