My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 8 - The Ugly Duckling - full transcript
Did you finish today's
assignment, Robbie?
It finished me.
Maybe you could use some help.
With your homework, I mean.
I'd be glad to work
with you after school.
Oh, no, that's okay, Carrie.
Hiya, Charlie. How's it going?
Hey, fine. man, yeah.
Hi, Cora.
Dottie.
How are things, Peg?
Hey, kid, you look like
you swallowed a fly.
Ow!
All right, lover boy.
What's eating you?
You hit me on the head.
Douglas, that
happened years ago.
Don't give me your wise remarks,
you, you teenaged old man.
How would you like to say
that again through a fat lip?
Big man, big deal!
Hey, Charlie's starting
to shave this year.
Five hairs.
Listen... Mr. Teel!
I hope you will
forgive my tardiness.
I was called
unexpectedly to the office.
You will have a new classmate.
So I shall ask...
Miss Beverly Mason comes
to us from the state of Texas.
Welcome to World
Literature, Miss Mason.
You may take the seat
directly in front of Mr. Douglas.
If you will raise your
hand, Mr. Douglas.
Since Mr. Douglas is the first
to recite this morning,
perhaps he will tell us
which page to turn to.
Mr. Douglas, you may
put your arm down.
If you will condescend
to drag yourself
from the euphoria
that engulfs you,
we are anxious to learn
the page number and
nature of your recitation.
Oh, um...
Uh, page, uh, 79.
"The New Knighthood"
by Kudyard Ripling.
I mean, by Rudyard Kipling.
"'Who gives him a bath?'
"'I, ' said the wet,
rank jungle sweat,
'I'll give him the bath.'"
Do you want me to explain
this part before I go on?
I, um, if you possibly can.
Well, uh, what it asks is,
"Who will give him a bath?"
I guess it means
that he needs a bath.
On account of the-the
rank jungle sweat.
Well, it gets pretty hot
in the jungle, you know?
Um, on account of it's
close to the equator.
The closer you
get to the equator,
the hotter it gets.
If you go in the
opposite direction,
then it, it gets...
it gets colder...
and colder.
Freezing?
You may sit down, Mr. Douglas.
As a matter of fact,
please sit down.
For years, I have held the works
of Mr. Rudyard
Kipling in great esteem.
So why live
dangerously at my age?
I would suggest,
Mr. Douglas, that you endeavor
to recall what I have
taught you about
iambic pentameter.
I dare not expect you to
understand what you read,
but if you must
annihilate great poetry,
at least march it to
its death in rhythm.
Right here.
I'm gonna put a
bullet right here.
Well, you better
aim for your stomach.
It's liable to
ricochet and hit me.
Thanks, Bub.
No, no, no more. Oh,
well, just a little bit.
You know, I can't understand it.
Every time we sit
down at this table,
somehow the conversation
gets around to murder.
You're leaving me wide open
for a wisecrack by these
guys about the food.
Doorbell.
I'll get it.
Of all the places
to meet a new girl,
that crummy World
Literature, my worst class.
She looked at me as if I
was a germ or something.
Mm, who was at the door, Chip?
Just Carrie.
Oh, what did she want?
I don't know.
You don't mean you left
her standing out there?
No, I told her to sit down.
Oh, for goodness sakes.
Carrie, come on in here!
She was like a queen, radiating.
Hi. Hello, Mr. Douglas.
How are you tonight?
Fine, thank you. Good.
Hi, Carrie.
When she walked in the room,
you couldn't have
got a bigger shock
if Bub had walked in
in his long underwear.
Robbie, uh, you have a visitor.
Oh, uh, hi, Carrie.
What are you doing here?
Won't you have some ice cream?
No, thank you.
I picked these books
up at the library.
I thought they might help you
with your World
Literature assignment.
Oh.
Well, that's, uh,
that's very nice
of you, Carrie. Thank you.
Yes, it is very nice, isn't it?
Oh, yeah. Uh,
thanks a lot, Carrie.
You know, Carrie, uh, I was
just telling them about Beverly.
They don't believe that
she's really that neat.
But tell 'em it's true, Carrie.
She's very pretty.
Well, I better be going.
Good night, Robbie.
Yeah, so long, Carrie.
Robbie!
Oh, uh, thanks again
for the books, Carrie.
Uh, I'll go to the
door with you, Carrie.
What are you all
staring at Robbie for?
Yeah, why are you staring at me?
Did anybody ever tell
you you're a knothead?
Knothead? What'd
you say that for?
Well, I could say a lot more
if Chip wasn't in the room.
Oh, don't mind me.
What do you mean? What did I do?
What did you do?
You are the most insensitive...
All right, hold it, hold it.
Well, Dad, for no reason at all,
Mike just started
calling me stuff.
What did you call him, Mike?
Well, I called him
a knothead. Yeah.
Good.
Huh?
Yes, huh.
A nice little girl like
Carrie does you a favor,
and then you start talking
about this "Beverly"
whatever her name is.
Ah, Dad, uh, Carrie's
a good egg, she...
I got a quick flash for you.
She's not an egg at all.
She's a girl with feelings.
Which... thanks to you...
Are very hurt at this moment.
Maybe the best thing to do is
come on real continental
like Cary Grant.
Give Beverly the old charm.
Don't look at me, you sired it.
Would you like some
chocolate milk, Beverly?
Clumsy.
Come on, Charlie,
if she doesn't go for
you, we're all dead.
Yeah, that's right.
Hey, what's the deal?
Oh, I've been
elected to find out
if Beverly's got ice
or blood in her veins.
Oh, well, big deal.
Watch closely, short stuff.
Hi, beautiful.
Don't you think it's about time
you defrost a little?
Oh, boy, why
can't I think of stuff
like that to say to girls?
Well, big deal.
Hey, I think she's
gonna say something.
In case you haven't heard,
my name is Charlie Willard.
Pleased to meet you, Charlie.
As soon as you all finish
scuttling to your seats,
I have something to say.
Due to the terrifying results
of a recent class recitation,
we shall endeavor
to study poetry
with a different approach.
I will assign each one
of you to a study partner.
You will choose a poem
and prepare a detailed report.
This report will determine
half your semester grade.
I have paired
you off as follows:
Eloise Minor and Marsha Jergens.
Carrie Marsh and
Charlie Willard.
Tom Bragen and Estelle Wickey.
Robbie Douglas
and Beverly Mason.
Marian Shrope and Gina Durbin.
Hazel Bell and Jack Johnson.
Billy Jacobs and Tom Horn.
Mary Dolan and William Masters.
Well, uh, if you
guys will excuse me,
I have a few things to
discuss with Beverly.
What a waste.
Like pairing a
gazelle with a turtle.
Suffer.
Well, it looks
like fate has thrown
us together, huh?
Looks like it.
We'll have to be
studying at night,
so why don't you come over
to my house this evening?
We'll hit the books for awhile
and then, uh, get to know
each other a little better.
Well...
I have some extra reference
books that might be a big help.
Well, maybe for a little while.
Yeah, sure.
Well, come on.
We'll talk about it.
Like a swan and a crow.
I liked gazelle
and turtle better.
Yeah, that was
pretty good, wasn't it?
Robbie, for Pete's
sake, will you sit down?
Pacing up and down isn't
going to get her here any sooner.
You seem a little
nervous tonight, Mr. Grant.
I happen to be
digesting my dinner,
wise guy.
Come here, Tramp. Tramp!
Go on.
Chip, will you quit
messing around
with that darn alarm clock?
Enter the 100 yard dash
and you'll break a record.
Yeah, well, I'll
break your record
if you don't get off my back.
Just take it easy, now.
Tramp!
Tramp, let him alone.
Well, at least he's consistent.
Hi. Come on in.
Uh, Dad, Mike,
Chip, this is Beverly.
This is Tramp.
Did somebody answer that door?
Yes, they did, uh, Bub.
Uh, uh, Beverly this is Bub.
Bub, this is Beverly Mason.
How do you do?
I'm pleased to meet all of you.
Well, uh, Robbie tells us
you're from Texas, Beverly.
Yes, but I was born here.
Oh, you're a native, huh?
No, I'm Swedish.
Oh.
You, uh, you're a freshman, huh?
Well, of course she is.
We're in the same
class together.
Uh, well, come on, we can
go in the kitchen and study.
Did you bring your notes?
What notes?
Your class notes.
I don't have any notes.
Man, you must have some memory.
I have to take notes.
You do?
Uh, well, come on.
We'll see you all later.
Well, she's, uh...
a very pretty girl, isn't she?
But she doesn't seem too, uh...
I mean, she, uh,
seemed just a little, uh...
Yeah, very
mature-looking for her age,
but she does seem a little...
Yeah, she does seem
a little, uh... Dumb.
That's the word.
You told me that Beverly
only lived four blocks from here.
It's taken you an hour and
45 minutes to walk her home.
She got lost.
She couldn't find her own house?
You don't know what
I've been through.
Uh, must be like, uh,
studying with Madam Curie.
Real genius, huh?
Every time she opened her
mouth, it was a catastrophe.
She's not very
good at poetry, huh?
Next to her, I'm like
Robert Louis Longfellow.
Robert Louis Longfellow?
Oh, come on, Rob, she
couldn't be that stupid.
How could anyone
with such a beautiful face
have such a-a messed-up brain?
Why, it happens
that way all the time.
I knew a girl once in, uh,
Stubenville,
Ohio, I think it was.
She did a fire-eating act.
She was beautiful,
but, boy, she was stupid.
Well, what happened to her?
Well, she, uh, drank a glass
of water and put out the act.
Come on, Bub, I'm serious.
Before Beverly,
there was a possibility
that I might flunk World Lit.
It's not a possibility anymore.
It's a dead certainty.
Do you think we'll do all right
on the assignment, Robbie?
I think Mr. Teel
will get quite a jolt.
You really think
he'll be impressed?
It'll knock him out.
Oh, hi, Robbie.
Hi, Billy.
Like pheasant under
glass with ketchup.
Ah, don't let him bug you,
Robbie. He's just jealous.
Hey, what's she
like to study with?
You just wouldn't believe it.
Mr. Southerland,
even a rat in a maze
eventually learns to
avoid certain pitfalls.
How do you account for the fact
that you continually bark
your shins on the same desk?
Gee whiz, Mr. Teel. I
don't do it on purpose.
Thank you, Mr. Southerland.
That was a beautifully
thought out answer.
Well, how are the
reports coming?
Miss Minor, Miss
Jergens, Mr. Bragen,
Miss Wickey, Miss
Marsh, Mr. Willard.
Miss Mason, are
you and Mr. Douglas
on any better terms
with Mr. Kipling?
Who?
We're doing just fine, Mr. Teel.
Uh, being from
Texas, Miss Mason,
you are undoubtedly aware of
the Browning Memorial in Waco?
Uh, well, she's not from
that part of Texas, Mr. Teel.
Do my ears deceive me,
or is there an
echo in this room?
Perhaps it is the voice
of Rudyard Kipling
crying out from his grave.
Chip, is this today's paper?
Yes.
Well, I haven't had a
chance to read it yet.
What are you doing to it?
Just putting some
stuff in my scrapbook.
Well, couldn't you have
used yesterday's paper?
Well, gosh, I don't ask
very much around here,
just to read the paper and...
Dad, how old do you have to
be to join the Foreign Legion?
Well, older than you are.
Well, "chronocological"
age doesn't mean anything.
It's just how much you've
suffered that counts,
isn't it, Dad?
If that were true, I'd
have joined it years ago.
Chip, if you're going
to do any pasting,
you'd better do it out
in the kitchen table.
That'd be a good place.
If you got paste all over
here, what Bub would do?
Oh, now we got company.
Well, they'll see what
nice housekeepers we are.
Oh, hello, Carrie.
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Is Robbie home?
Yes, his, uh,
spirit is staggering
across the Sahara Desert,
but his body's over
there on the couch.
Uh... I'm with her.
Oh, hi, Carrie.
Well, what are you doing here?
Charlie and I just came by to
pick up those reference books.
Oh, well, I'm not
finished with them yet.
Charlie and I need them, and
they are checked out to me.
Oh, okay. Well,
they're in the kitchen.
I'll get them!
Brother, what's eating her?
She's a pain.
You know, I've been reading
and researching till my eyes water.
Her and her "A" average.
Yeah, her and her "A" average.
You've got Beverly.
There's no justice.
And I've got Beverly.
Oh, man. Oh... I'm
going to flunk for sure.
Why are you going to flunk?
She drives me crazy.
I tell you, Charlie,
having a goddess for a
study partner isn't easy.
It's not?
You mean, there's
something wrong with her?
Wrong? No, she's perfect.
But every time we sit
down to study, she...
Well, she just
doesn't want to study.
She doesn't?
She just keeps running
her fingers through my hair.
I can't get any work done.
Brother!
Well, would you want
a study partner like her?
She runs her fingers
through your hair?
I mean, who wants to smooch
when you've got
schoolwork to do?
She wants to smooch?
I tell you, Charlie, my
concentration is shot.
I don't know what
I'm going to do.
Well, hey, if she's
that way with you,
imagine how she'd be with me.
Charlie, don't
even think about it.
What do you mean,
"Don't think about it"?
Hey, listen, Rob, let's switch.
Huh?
Look, you take
Carrie. I'll take Beverly.
Mr. Teel won't mind.
Oh, Charlie...
Look, you're an up and comer,
but, let's face it,
experience counts.
I can handle Beverly. You can't.
Carrie... she's just your speed.
Oh, Charlie, I couldn't do
it. It wouldn't be fair to you.
I swear, you don't know
what this girl can do.
Look, I'll risk
it. I'll risk it!
No, Charlie, you're...
If you trade, I'll make
sure you get voted
into the Letter Society
tomorrow morning.
You will?
Cross my heart.
Thank you for letting me
sample your cookies, Mr. O'Casey.
It's a pleasure, Carrie.
Is it a deal?
Ready, Charlie?
Uh, listen, Carrie.
Something's come up.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, look...
You're a great study partner
and I love working with you,
but I can't turn down a friend.
Robbie's been begging
me to trade partners,
and I'm going to do it.
Now, I know you
might not like it, but...
Well, why shouldn't I like it?
Well... Well, I'm
glad you don't mind.
Because you two belong together.
Robbie, I thought you
and Beverly were...
Every minute was
agony. Right, Rob?
Oh, yeah, yeah. So right.
Oh, uh, that must
be Beverly now.
Oh, I'll get it.
Hi. Remember me? Come on in.
Say, how'd you like to have
me for your study partner?
Well, I... Look, why
don't we take a walk
and I'll give you
all the details.
Well... Where do you live?
Uh, down the street somewhere.
She's speechless.
She sure is.
Well, say good-bye.
Good-bye.
Say, maybe before
I take you home,
we can go check
the moon situation.
The moon situation?
Well, it's daylight outside.
Oh, yeah, but, uh, I thought
maybe I could take
you over by the lake
and we'd wait for it to come up?
Oh, say good-bye again.
Good-bye again.
Robbie, did you really
insist on changing partners?
Well, sure I did, Carrie. Here.
Well, uh, we might as
well get to work, huh?
Hey, maybe you can
stay for dinner afterwards.
Sure, if you want me to.
Oh, do you think
that's okay, Bub?
Well, I'd love to have her.
Well, good, then we
can study afterwards.
Anything you say, Robbie.
Well, what do you know?
Yeah. How did all
that come about?
You know, Bub, that kid
may not be so hot at poetry,
but when it comes to
adolescent psychology,
he knows more about
it than Sigmund Freud.
I could have told
you that years ago.
Meanwhile, you better go
down and get another steak.
We're going to have
a guest for dinner.
Yeah.
It seems only yesterday I was
burping Robbie over my shoulder.
Now he's a con-artist.
It's a little frightening.
assignment, Robbie?
It finished me.
Maybe you could use some help.
With your homework, I mean.
I'd be glad to work
with you after school.
Oh, no, that's okay, Carrie.
Hiya, Charlie. How's it going?
Hey, fine. man, yeah.
Hi, Cora.
Dottie.
How are things, Peg?
Hey, kid, you look like
you swallowed a fly.
Ow!
All right, lover boy.
What's eating you?
You hit me on the head.
Douglas, that
happened years ago.
Don't give me your wise remarks,
you, you teenaged old man.
How would you like to say
that again through a fat lip?
Big man, big deal!
Hey, Charlie's starting
to shave this year.
Five hairs.
Listen... Mr. Teel!
I hope you will
forgive my tardiness.
I was called
unexpectedly to the office.
You will have a new classmate.
So I shall ask...
Miss Beverly Mason comes
to us from the state of Texas.
Welcome to World
Literature, Miss Mason.
You may take the seat
directly in front of Mr. Douglas.
If you will raise your
hand, Mr. Douglas.
Since Mr. Douglas is the first
to recite this morning,
perhaps he will tell us
which page to turn to.
Mr. Douglas, you may
put your arm down.
If you will condescend
to drag yourself
from the euphoria
that engulfs you,
we are anxious to learn
the page number and
nature of your recitation.
Oh, um...
Uh, page, uh, 79.
"The New Knighthood"
by Kudyard Ripling.
I mean, by Rudyard Kipling.
"'Who gives him a bath?'
"'I, ' said the wet,
rank jungle sweat,
'I'll give him the bath.'"
Do you want me to explain
this part before I go on?
I, um, if you possibly can.
Well, uh, what it asks is,
"Who will give him a bath?"
I guess it means
that he needs a bath.
On account of the-the
rank jungle sweat.
Well, it gets pretty hot
in the jungle, you know?
Um, on account of it's
close to the equator.
The closer you
get to the equator,
the hotter it gets.
If you go in the
opposite direction,
then it, it gets...
it gets colder...
and colder.
Freezing?
You may sit down, Mr. Douglas.
As a matter of fact,
please sit down.
For years, I have held the works
of Mr. Rudyard
Kipling in great esteem.
So why live
dangerously at my age?
I would suggest,
Mr. Douglas, that you endeavor
to recall what I have
taught you about
iambic pentameter.
I dare not expect you to
understand what you read,
but if you must
annihilate great poetry,
at least march it to
its death in rhythm.
Right here.
I'm gonna put a
bullet right here.
Well, you better
aim for your stomach.
It's liable to
ricochet and hit me.
Thanks, Bub.
No, no, no more. Oh,
well, just a little bit.
You know, I can't understand it.
Every time we sit
down at this table,
somehow the conversation
gets around to murder.
You're leaving me wide open
for a wisecrack by these
guys about the food.
Doorbell.
I'll get it.
Of all the places
to meet a new girl,
that crummy World
Literature, my worst class.
She looked at me as if I
was a germ or something.
Mm, who was at the door, Chip?
Just Carrie.
Oh, what did she want?
I don't know.
You don't mean you left
her standing out there?
No, I told her to sit down.
Oh, for goodness sakes.
Carrie, come on in here!
She was like a queen, radiating.
Hi. Hello, Mr. Douglas.
How are you tonight?
Fine, thank you. Good.
Hi, Carrie.
When she walked in the room,
you couldn't have
got a bigger shock
if Bub had walked in
in his long underwear.
Robbie, uh, you have a visitor.
Oh, uh, hi, Carrie.
What are you doing here?
Won't you have some ice cream?
No, thank you.
I picked these books
up at the library.
I thought they might help you
with your World
Literature assignment.
Oh.
Well, that's, uh,
that's very nice
of you, Carrie. Thank you.
Yes, it is very nice, isn't it?
Oh, yeah. Uh,
thanks a lot, Carrie.
You know, Carrie, uh, I was
just telling them about Beverly.
They don't believe that
she's really that neat.
But tell 'em it's true, Carrie.
She's very pretty.
Well, I better be going.
Good night, Robbie.
Yeah, so long, Carrie.
Robbie!
Oh, uh, thanks again
for the books, Carrie.
Uh, I'll go to the
door with you, Carrie.
What are you all
staring at Robbie for?
Yeah, why are you staring at me?
Did anybody ever tell
you you're a knothead?
Knothead? What'd
you say that for?
Well, I could say a lot more
if Chip wasn't in the room.
Oh, don't mind me.
What do you mean? What did I do?
What did you do?
You are the most insensitive...
All right, hold it, hold it.
Well, Dad, for no reason at all,
Mike just started
calling me stuff.
What did you call him, Mike?
Well, I called him
a knothead. Yeah.
Good.
Huh?
Yes, huh.
A nice little girl like
Carrie does you a favor,
and then you start talking
about this "Beverly"
whatever her name is.
Ah, Dad, uh, Carrie's
a good egg, she...
I got a quick flash for you.
She's not an egg at all.
She's a girl with feelings.
Which... thanks to you...
Are very hurt at this moment.
Maybe the best thing to do is
come on real continental
like Cary Grant.
Give Beverly the old charm.
Don't look at me, you sired it.
Would you like some
chocolate milk, Beverly?
Clumsy.
Come on, Charlie,
if she doesn't go for
you, we're all dead.
Yeah, that's right.
Hey, what's the deal?
Oh, I've been
elected to find out
if Beverly's got ice
or blood in her veins.
Oh, well, big deal.
Watch closely, short stuff.
Hi, beautiful.
Don't you think it's about time
you defrost a little?
Oh, boy, why
can't I think of stuff
like that to say to girls?
Well, big deal.
Hey, I think she's
gonna say something.
In case you haven't heard,
my name is Charlie Willard.
Pleased to meet you, Charlie.
As soon as you all finish
scuttling to your seats,
I have something to say.
Due to the terrifying results
of a recent class recitation,
we shall endeavor
to study poetry
with a different approach.
I will assign each one
of you to a study partner.
You will choose a poem
and prepare a detailed report.
This report will determine
half your semester grade.
I have paired
you off as follows:
Eloise Minor and Marsha Jergens.
Carrie Marsh and
Charlie Willard.
Tom Bragen and Estelle Wickey.
Robbie Douglas
and Beverly Mason.
Marian Shrope and Gina Durbin.
Hazel Bell and Jack Johnson.
Billy Jacobs and Tom Horn.
Mary Dolan and William Masters.
Well, uh, if you
guys will excuse me,
I have a few things to
discuss with Beverly.
What a waste.
Like pairing a
gazelle with a turtle.
Suffer.
Well, it looks
like fate has thrown
us together, huh?
Looks like it.
We'll have to be
studying at night,
so why don't you come over
to my house this evening?
We'll hit the books for awhile
and then, uh, get to know
each other a little better.
Well...
I have some extra reference
books that might be a big help.
Well, maybe for a little while.
Yeah, sure.
Well, come on.
We'll talk about it.
Like a swan and a crow.
I liked gazelle
and turtle better.
Yeah, that was
pretty good, wasn't it?
Robbie, for Pete's
sake, will you sit down?
Pacing up and down isn't
going to get her here any sooner.
You seem a little
nervous tonight, Mr. Grant.
I happen to be
digesting my dinner,
wise guy.
Come here, Tramp. Tramp!
Go on.
Chip, will you quit
messing around
with that darn alarm clock?
Enter the 100 yard dash
and you'll break a record.
Yeah, well, I'll
break your record
if you don't get off my back.
Just take it easy, now.
Tramp!
Tramp, let him alone.
Well, at least he's consistent.
Hi. Come on in.
Uh, Dad, Mike,
Chip, this is Beverly.
This is Tramp.
Did somebody answer that door?
Yes, they did, uh, Bub.
Uh, uh, Beverly this is Bub.
Bub, this is Beverly Mason.
How do you do?
I'm pleased to meet all of you.
Well, uh, Robbie tells us
you're from Texas, Beverly.
Yes, but I was born here.
Oh, you're a native, huh?
No, I'm Swedish.
Oh.
You, uh, you're a freshman, huh?
Well, of course she is.
We're in the same
class together.
Uh, well, come on, we can
go in the kitchen and study.
Did you bring your notes?
What notes?
Your class notes.
I don't have any notes.
Man, you must have some memory.
I have to take notes.
You do?
Uh, well, come on.
We'll see you all later.
Well, she's, uh...
a very pretty girl, isn't she?
But she doesn't seem too, uh...
I mean, she, uh,
seemed just a little, uh...
Yeah, very
mature-looking for her age,
but she does seem a little...
Yeah, she does seem
a little, uh... Dumb.
That's the word.
You told me that Beverly
only lived four blocks from here.
It's taken you an hour and
45 minutes to walk her home.
She got lost.
She couldn't find her own house?
You don't know what
I've been through.
Uh, must be like, uh,
studying with Madam Curie.
Real genius, huh?
Every time she opened her
mouth, it was a catastrophe.
She's not very
good at poetry, huh?
Next to her, I'm like
Robert Louis Longfellow.
Robert Louis Longfellow?
Oh, come on, Rob, she
couldn't be that stupid.
How could anyone
with such a beautiful face
have such a-a messed-up brain?
Why, it happens
that way all the time.
I knew a girl once in, uh,
Stubenville,
Ohio, I think it was.
She did a fire-eating act.
She was beautiful,
but, boy, she was stupid.
Well, what happened to her?
Well, she, uh, drank a glass
of water and put out the act.
Come on, Bub, I'm serious.
Before Beverly,
there was a possibility
that I might flunk World Lit.
It's not a possibility anymore.
It's a dead certainty.
Do you think we'll do all right
on the assignment, Robbie?
I think Mr. Teel
will get quite a jolt.
You really think
he'll be impressed?
It'll knock him out.
Oh, hi, Robbie.
Hi, Billy.
Like pheasant under
glass with ketchup.
Ah, don't let him bug you,
Robbie. He's just jealous.
Hey, what's she
like to study with?
You just wouldn't believe it.
Mr. Southerland,
even a rat in a maze
eventually learns to
avoid certain pitfalls.
How do you account for the fact
that you continually bark
your shins on the same desk?
Gee whiz, Mr. Teel. I
don't do it on purpose.
Thank you, Mr. Southerland.
That was a beautifully
thought out answer.
Well, how are the
reports coming?
Miss Minor, Miss
Jergens, Mr. Bragen,
Miss Wickey, Miss
Marsh, Mr. Willard.
Miss Mason, are
you and Mr. Douglas
on any better terms
with Mr. Kipling?
Who?
We're doing just fine, Mr. Teel.
Uh, being from
Texas, Miss Mason,
you are undoubtedly aware of
the Browning Memorial in Waco?
Uh, well, she's not from
that part of Texas, Mr. Teel.
Do my ears deceive me,
or is there an
echo in this room?
Perhaps it is the voice
of Rudyard Kipling
crying out from his grave.
Chip, is this today's paper?
Yes.
Well, I haven't had a
chance to read it yet.
What are you doing to it?
Just putting some
stuff in my scrapbook.
Well, couldn't you have
used yesterday's paper?
Well, gosh, I don't ask
very much around here,
just to read the paper and...
Dad, how old do you have to
be to join the Foreign Legion?
Well, older than you are.
Well, "chronocological"
age doesn't mean anything.
It's just how much you've
suffered that counts,
isn't it, Dad?
If that were true, I'd
have joined it years ago.
Chip, if you're going
to do any pasting,
you'd better do it out
in the kitchen table.
That'd be a good place.
If you got paste all over
here, what Bub would do?
Oh, now we got company.
Well, they'll see what
nice housekeepers we are.
Oh, hello, Carrie.
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Is Robbie home?
Yes, his, uh,
spirit is staggering
across the Sahara Desert,
but his body's over
there on the couch.
Uh... I'm with her.
Oh, hi, Carrie.
Well, what are you doing here?
Charlie and I just came by to
pick up those reference books.
Oh, well, I'm not
finished with them yet.
Charlie and I need them, and
they are checked out to me.
Oh, okay. Well,
they're in the kitchen.
I'll get them!
Brother, what's eating her?
She's a pain.
You know, I've been reading
and researching till my eyes water.
Her and her "A" average.
Yeah, her and her "A" average.
You've got Beverly.
There's no justice.
And I've got Beverly.
Oh, man. Oh... I'm
going to flunk for sure.
Why are you going to flunk?
She drives me crazy.
I tell you, Charlie,
having a goddess for a
study partner isn't easy.
It's not?
You mean, there's
something wrong with her?
Wrong? No, she's perfect.
But every time we sit
down to study, she...
Well, she just
doesn't want to study.
She doesn't?
She just keeps running
her fingers through my hair.
I can't get any work done.
Brother!
Well, would you want
a study partner like her?
She runs her fingers
through your hair?
I mean, who wants to smooch
when you've got
schoolwork to do?
She wants to smooch?
I tell you, Charlie, my
concentration is shot.
I don't know what
I'm going to do.
Well, hey, if she's
that way with you,
imagine how she'd be with me.
Charlie, don't
even think about it.
What do you mean,
"Don't think about it"?
Hey, listen, Rob, let's switch.
Huh?
Look, you take
Carrie. I'll take Beverly.
Mr. Teel won't mind.
Oh, Charlie...
Look, you're an up and comer,
but, let's face it,
experience counts.
I can handle Beverly. You can't.
Carrie... she's just your speed.
Oh, Charlie, I couldn't do
it. It wouldn't be fair to you.
I swear, you don't know
what this girl can do.
Look, I'll risk
it. I'll risk it!
No, Charlie, you're...
If you trade, I'll make
sure you get voted
into the Letter Society
tomorrow morning.
You will?
Cross my heart.
Thank you for letting me
sample your cookies, Mr. O'Casey.
It's a pleasure, Carrie.
Is it a deal?
Ready, Charlie?
Uh, listen, Carrie.
Something's come up.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, look...
You're a great study partner
and I love working with you,
but I can't turn down a friend.
Robbie's been begging
me to trade partners,
and I'm going to do it.
Now, I know you
might not like it, but...
Well, why shouldn't I like it?
Well... Well, I'm
glad you don't mind.
Because you two belong together.
Robbie, I thought you
and Beverly were...
Every minute was
agony. Right, Rob?
Oh, yeah, yeah. So right.
Oh, uh, that must
be Beverly now.
Oh, I'll get it.
Hi. Remember me? Come on in.
Say, how'd you like to have
me for your study partner?
Well, I... Look, why
don't we take a walk
and I'll give you
all the details.
Well... Where do you live?
Uh, down the street somewhere.
She's speechless.
She sure is.
Well, say good-bye.
Good-bye.
Say, maybe before
I take you home,
we can go check
the moon situation.
The moon situation?
Well, it's daylight outside.
Oh, yeah, but, uh, I thought
maybe I could take
you over by the lake
and we'd wait for it to come up?
Oh, say good-bye again.
Good-bye again.
Robbie, did you really
insist on changing partners?
Well, sure I did, Carrie. Here.
Well, uh, we might as
well get to work, huh?
Hey, maybe you can
stay for dinner afterwards.
Sure, if you want me to.
Oh, do you think
that's okay, Bub?
Well, I'd love to have her.
Well, good, then we
can study afterwards.
Anything you say, Robbie.
Well, what do you know?
Yeah. How did all
that come about?
You know, Bub, that kid
may not be so hot at poetry,
but when it comes to
adolescent psychology,
he knows more about
it than Sigmund Freud.
I could have told
you that years ago.
Meanwhile, you better go
down and get another steak.
We're going to have
a guest for dinner.
Yeah.
It seems only yesterday I was
burping Robbie over my shoulder.
Now he's a con-artist.
It's a little frightening.