My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 35 - The Hippopotamus Foot - full transcript
Letter for you, Dad. Letter?
Mail already? No.
Special guy brought it.
He made me sign something
before he'd give it to me.
Oh, special delivery, huh?
I signed it it Zorro Douglas.
He didn't know the difference.
Zorro Douglas?
Remember now, Chip,
when you sign something
it makes it legal.
You shouldn't do
a thing like that.
Bub, I was supposed
to meet Joe Davis
over at Baker
Aviation this morning.
Would you call and
tell him I can't make it?
I've got to drive over
to, uh, University City.
Must be something wrong.
Yeah.
"Dear Mr. Douglas,
"We would appreciate your
presence at the university
"at your earliest
possible convenience.
"Your son, Michael Douglas,
is to come before me,
"and possibly before
the Board of Regents,
"for disciplinary action.
Yours very truly, Vincent
Talbot, Dean of Men."
Boy, Mike must be in
some kind of trouble.
Yeah. Well, they're not gonna
elect him Queen of the May.
And not only that, Mr. Douglas,
you must understand that we have
a very quiet, little community here.
Even the smallest incident
can become a volcano.
So, to have this... this
fiasco break over us
was more than we
could quite cope with.
Well, Dean Talbot, uh,
just how much is, uh,
Mike involved in this, uh...
What-whatever happened?
Well, the way I understand it,
some of the boys of the
Sigma Gamma Chi fraternity
were bored with life in general
and themselves in particular.
It started Monday night.
It was raining, you may recall.
Boy, listen to that rain.
It's 8:00.
The city fathers are
probably out there
rolling up their sidewalks.
Yeah, this is the first
ghost town I ever saw
with people in it.
Oh, what's eating you guys?
This place is full
of things to do.
Huh? Like what?
Well, uh...
we could always go down
and watch the reservoir fill up.
No, the trouble
with this place is
it came to a skidding
halt 40 years ago.
Yeah, well, it seems to
me someone once said,
"If thy town offend
thee, jazz it up."
Who said that? Me.
Wouldn't it be a gas
if we dismantled the dean's
old clunk and-and reassembled it
on the roof of the
chemistry building?
Hey, we wouldn't even
have to dismantle it.
Look, all we need is
a block and fall, see.
We attach one hook
to each bumper...
No, it's been done.
Ever since there
have been colleges,
they've been assembling
buggies and tractors
and everything else on the roof.
What we need is
something original.
Hey!
How about going down to the...
You are still a
pledge, are you not?
Yes, sir.
You'll be allowed
opinions next term.
Now leave the skull
work to your betters.
If we could think of
something original,
something sensational,
we'd leave a heritage for future
generations of Sigma Gams
to be proud of.
Sure, but what?
Pledge! Come in here!
Now!
Yes, sir?
Are you aware that you're
dripping on a Sigma Gam rug?
Well, I was gonna take
my raincoat off in the hall,
but you called me in here.
He's talking back.
What is that?
Well, it's a hippopotamus foot.
Hippopotamus foot?
You're horsing around
with the credulity of
your betters, Douglas.
Oh, no. I-I heard you guys
saying you needed
an umbrella stand,
so I looked in our
attic and there it is.
Yeah, but, uh,
what's all this jazz about
a hippopotamus foot?
Well, that's what it is.
I guess they didn't
care what they used
for an umbrella
stand in the old days.
And it's real, toes and all.
Well, sure. Who'd want to
make a phony hippopotamus foot?
Hey, are you guys
thinking what I'm thinking?
Not yet.
How about you, Jeff?
No. What are you thinking?
Conference.
Look, suppose tomorrow
morning, we take this...
Come on, you guys,
we're gonna be late!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
How about the caretaker?
Hey, that's right. We'll need
somebody to keep him busy.
Hey, you, Douglas, come with us.
What? Uh, never mind.
You, too, come in here. Come on.
And the boots, yeah. We
need boots. Come on, come on.
I Can't go out. I got practice.
I got some studying
to do, fellas.
Where are we going?
How about the
umbrel... here. Take this.
Douglas. Take this,
please. We need the hips.
All right, Douglas,
you go over to the
caretaker's shack up there
and keep him busy.
Keep him busy?
Well, how? You'll
think of something.
You better.
If he catches us,
we're all in the soup.
And don't forget, it's
your hippopotamus foot!
Well, well, how long?
As long as you can.
Now get up there.
Hey, what are we doing?
What are you?
I'm a pledge.
And what right does a
pledge have to ask questions?
None whatever.
A pledge is lowlier than
the lowliest worm. Right.
Now find some heavy rocks
to put in the hippopotamus foot.
Door ain't locked. Come in.
Howdy.
Oh, hello, young fella.
Come on in.
What can I do for you?
Uh, well... I'm lost.
You are?
Yeah. Um, maybe you could, uh,
tell me the best way
to get back to town.
Well, I'd have
to point out the...
Oh, no, don't get up, please.
Uh, I understand
directions better
when they're told to me.
Kinda weird, ain't it?
What?
I'm a pointing man, myself.
Oh.
Well, I guess I'm
a listening man.
Oh, go on with
your cereal, please.
Well, it's not good manners
to eat in front of people.
Oh, don't be silly.
Got all the time in the world.
Okay, now, lift.
This way.
All right, now, drop it.
And then my mama let me have it
right across the
mouth with a mackerel.
Taught me not to be
saying naughty things
at the dinner
table, I'll tell ya that.
Want some more mush?
Oh, no, thanks.
I will have another
piece of toast, though.
Yeah, take two pieces.
Well.
Uh... then what happened?
Hmm?
About what?
Well, after you, uh, said
naughty things at the table.
Oh.
Well, Mama slapped me right
in bed, that's what happened.
And I stayed there.
Uh, son, hand me
my rifle there, will you?
Rifle?
I always clean my rifle
before I make my rounds.
Somebody please tell
me what we're doing here.
What are you?
Oh, come on, let's not
go through that again.
What are you?
I'm a pledge.
And what is a pledge?
A brainless person.
Does a brainless
person ask questions?
A brainless person
never asks questions
'cause he's too stupid to
understand the answers.
Get to work.
Nothing like having a clean gun.
I never make my rounds
without cleaning my gun.
Well, if it was me,
I-I sure wouldn't make my
rounds on a day like this.
Well, it rained yesterday.
It's nice and pretty today.
Yeah, but, look, it's
all muddy outside.
Oh, that's right. So it is.
Yeah.
Well, I'll get my
galoshes ready.
I'll wear them.
Well, son,
I think I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave now.
Uh, what happened to you after
your mother slapped you in bed
for saying those, uh,
naughty things at the table?
Oh.
I know what you're doing.
You do?
All right, now, pick
it up and come out.
Not that way, you dope!
If we wanted your footprints,
we wouldn't have used the rope.
Wade around to this bank,
and then pick up a stick
and smear your footprints.
Aw, come on, you guys.
What are you?
Okay. All right.
Yeah, you're trying to stall me.
Oh, no. Nobody
stalls Quinby Lewis when
time for his nap comes around.
But I-I'm really
interest... Nap?
Yep. Couldn't make my
rounds without my nap.
Be just like putting on
my shoes before my socks.
Good-bye.
Well... good-bye.
Um, thanks for
the food, Mr. Lewis.
And, uh, have a good nap.
Yeah, have a nice,
long, restful nap.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Where's the caretaker?
He's taking a nap.
Hey, looks like a hippopotamus
walked right down into the lake.
Doesn't it, though.
♪ ♪
Course it, uh, could be
nothing but a big cow.
No, no, no, way
too big for a cow.
I'll tell you
what I think it is.
The Loch Ness monster.
The Loch Ness monster
was some kind of a fish.
This thing's been
walking around.
Contreva, get hold of
Professor Adkins at the museum.
Ask him if he can
come right out here.
Yes, Sergeant.
I just thought of something.
What?
Suppose it can't swim.
Let's not get silly, Mr. Lewis.
All we've got so far are a
set of footprints in the mud.
Yeah, but a thing
with feet that big
is bound to have a carcass
that ain't gonna purify
that water supply none.
Stop getting panicky.
The thing, whatever it is,
is probably 50 miles
away from here by now.
Could be a mutation
caused from the fallout.
I heard of a fella one time
found a frog four feet across.
Yes, Jody?
I've been all around
the reservoir, Sergeant.
It may have gone in,
but it never came out.
There you are.
Hmm.
Any escaped animals
in the area, Sergeant?
No, Professor.
I checked that out first thing.
Say, I'll tell you
what it might be.
Maybe it's one of
them vegetable varmints
from another planet.
They don't eat you;
they absorb you.
Let's not be a Henny
Penny, shall we, Mr. Lewis?
I'm sure the
professor will come up
with a perfectly
sensible answer.
Right, Professor? Of course.
These are hippopotamus tracks.
I must admit that one
good thing came out of it.
It was very nice to know we had
a capable curator at the museum.
Must have taken a lot of
courage to tell the whole world
that a hippopotamus
walked into our reservoir.
Yes, I-I imagine it did.
Of course, uh, Dean Talbot,
I can't really say I
feel the boys, uh...
committed a terrible crime.
Uh, of course, they shouldn't
have done it, but, uh...
Oh, but they didn't let it
go at that, Mr. Douglas.
Oh, they didn't?
No.
They let a few days go by,
and then they started, uh,
turning up here and there,
uh, spreading
rumors about, uh...
"And it has been several days
"since the famed hippopotamus
wandered into the reservoir.
"No tracks have been seen since,
according to Sergeant Blake
of the First Precinct station."
"This reporter interviewed
Professor Adkins
"at the museum.
"The professor
indicated that the animal
"might easily have
left the reservoir
"without our being aware of it,
"for the earth around
the banks hardens
"after a day or so of
sunshine, and even a beast
as heavy as a hippopotamus
would leave no tracks."
You know, I don't
think that the town
should get the idea
that our little friend
has left the reservoir, do you?
Oh, no, of course not.
Uh, in fact, I happen
to think he's still there.
Yeah, but the thing is,
we have to convince
everybody else.
Oh, come on, fellas.
Don't you think we've
pushed this gag far...
What are you?
A pledge, sir.
And does a pledge butt in
when his betters are
discussing something?
No, sir. A pledge knows
better than to butt in
when his betters are
discussing something.
And why is that?
Because a pledge
is a rotten thing, sir.
Right.
And remember that.
Hey, Joe.
Joe, this water tastes funny.
What do you mean,
the water tastes funny?
Oh, it just does.
Taste it.
Where do you get
your water from?
It's regular city water.
Oh. Oh, well, no wonder.
Come on, Douglas.
What'll it be, boys?
Well, let's see.
You, uh... you get
your water from the city?
Well, sure. Why?
You use it in coffee and
you make soup with it
and that sort of thing?
Well, sure. What's
wrong with it?
N-Nothing.
Come on, Timothy.
Hey, fella.
I wouldn't drink that.
Why not?
It's city water.
Thanks.
Well, pledge or no pledge,
I think we ought to
go right down there
and tell them we think this
thing has gone far enough.
I'm with you.
Got half this town
buying bottled water.
When it comes time to
get punished, who gets it?
The whole fraternity.
Not just Buzz and Jeff and Ray.
Yeah, why should
we get it in the neck
just because those three
clowns think they're clever?
That's right.
Well, shall we do it?
Don't chicken out on me.
Ah, you just watch me.
Hey, you guys, listen to this.
"Today, Mayor Fortuna
ordered the dragging
"of the city's
number two reservoir,
"following complaints
from the citizens
regarding the
quality of the water."
Hey, you know,
somewhere in all this,
there's a wonderful
psychology thesis
on the power of suggestion.
Just don't write it up
till we've all graduated.
What else does it say, Buzz?
"'The bee in our bonnet
is a hippopotamus
in our reservoir"
says the may..."
What do you guys want?
We think that this whole
thing has gone too far.
That's right. Yes.
We-we-we think that
the original conception
of a hippopotamus
walking into the reservoir
w-w-was very well
thought-out and executed,
but, well, now people are
starting to spend money!
What are you?
I said, what are you?
Oh, look, let's not
start that jazz now.
Now, we got something to
say, and we'd like to say it.
Now, Tim's right.
At first, this whole thing
was a... a harmless prank.
It was even kind of fun, but...
but now people are
starting to spend money
that they wouldn't
ordinarily spend. Yes.
What are you?
And now... and now
the city is starting
to spend money to-to-to
drag that reservoir.
Ah... you guys
know as well as I do,
when the city spends money,
somebody gets punished.
What are you?
Oh, come on, you guys.
This is more important than...
What are you?
A pledge. A pledge.
BUZZ, JEFF AND
RAY: What is a pledge?
A brainless person.
What else is a pledge?
A stepped-on fig.
What else is a pledge?
An amoeba crawling
through Paleozoic ooze.
What else is a pledge?
Oxidation on the
filament of life.
What else is a pledge?
Torn underwear.
What else is a pledge?
A despicable being.
A despicable being.
Buzz.
You see the evening paper?
Yeah.
"City council discusses
emptying reservoir."
You know, if they
drain that reservoir,
the whole city is in trouble.
That other reservoir
doesn't hold enough water
to put in your eye.
Don't you think I know that?
We better think of something.
Well, I have an idea,
if, uh, anyone
wants to listen to me.
We tell the university,
we not only get kicked out;
we give Sigma Gams
a bad name for all time.
We better think of
something pretty quick.
I hear they're going to
start draining in a day or so.
Yeah.
Listen, fellas, it looks like
I've gotten the house
in a lot of trouble.
Now, if worse comes to worst,
naturally, I'll tell
the dean what I did.
But I'd prefer to
stay in school, so...
why don't we try to figure
some way out of this?
Yeah.
Well, I have an idea right now.
Why don't we sleep
on it, and if you come up
with any ideas, let
me know, all right?
Yeah, sure, Buzz. Yeah.
But I have an idea, Buzz.
Say that again.
I have an idea, uh, Mr. Talbot.
That's better.
I still think it'd work.
Mmm.
All we need to do is
get a couple of buckets
and go down there at night.
Don't you think?
I'm a pledge.
Hey, you awake?
Brainless person.
Tim?
Mmm. Wake up.
Well...
Rain.
That's all we need.
Rain.
Rain! That's it.
Buzz, wake up.
Wake up.
Who is it? Me, Mike Douglas.
Douglas, do you realize
you're in the seniors' quarters?
We'll play that game later.
Right now I've got an idea
that'll get us all out
of this jam, I think.
What kind of an idea?
Well, at first, I thought
we'd need to use buckets,
but you see... Buckets?!
Douglas, will you
get out of here...
Shut up and listen, will you?
Sir. Now, like I said,
at first, I thought
we'd need buckets,
because there's no hoses
or anything down there,
but now it's raining.
And don't you
see? If it's raining,
we don't need buckets
or a hose or anything.
We just go down there...
But, uh, what did they want
with the buckets and a hose?
To wet the ground.
To wet the ground, but
the rain did that for them.
Yeah.
"Hippopotamus
walks out of reservoir."
They, uh, did the whole
thing in reverse, huh?
And they did a
good job of it, too.
Walked him out of the reservoir
and right out of town.
Right out of town, huh?
How did you, uh,
find out about this,
uh, Dean Talbot?
One of the boys told me.
For the good of the
Sigma Gam house, he said.
And I believe him.
Not, uh, Mike?
No.
The ringleader.
Boy named Buzz Talbot.
Of course, a thing like
this can't go unpunished.
No, no, of course not.
So, we're confining the boys
to quarters for two weeks,
and they're to pay
the city the cost
of dragging the reservoir.
Do you approve?
Oh, I-I think that's
fair enough. Certainly.
Fine.
I wanted every parent's approval
before we went ahead with
the disciplinary measures.
Thank you for
coming, Mr. Douglas.
Well, it's been a very
interesting morning,
Dean Talbot.
What did you say the
ringleader's name was?
Buzz Talbot.
Yes.
Sometimes, a grandson
will tell his grandfather things
he'd never tell the
dean of a university.
True.
Good day, sir. Good day, sir.
Dinner will be in
an hour, you know?
Yeah, I know, Bub.
That's why I'm only
eating a sandwich.
Well, Little Bo Peep,
what's eating you?
All that stuff Mike
was telling us
about that foot track
was probably just
a bunch of whole made-up junk.
No, it wasn't... It
really happened.
Then, how come it
didn't work for me?
Well, now, don't
tell me you tried it.
Sure. I took that
rabbit's foot of Sudsy's
and made tracks in the mud.
They led straight up to
the fish pond at school.
And what happened?
The teacher gave me ten demerits
for carrying around
a muddy rabbit's foot.
You see?
Mail already? No.
Special guy brought it.
He made me sign something
before he'd give it to me.
Oh, special delivery, huh?
I signed it it Zorro Douglas.
He didn't know the difference.
Zorro Douglas?
Remember now, Chip,
when you sign something
it makes it legal.
You shouldn't do
a thing like that.
Bub, I was supposed
to meet Joe Davis
over at Baker
Aviation this morning.
Would you call and
tell him I can't make it?
I've got to drive over
to, uh, University City.
Must be something wrong.
Yeah.
"Dear Mr. Douglas,
"We would appreciate your
presence at the university
"at your earliest
possible convenience.
"Your son, Michael Douglas,
is to come before me,
"and possibly before
the Board of Regents,
"for disciplinary action.
Yours very truly, Vincent
Talbot, Dean of Men."
Boy, Mike must be in
some kind of trouble.
Yeah. Well, they're not gonna
elect him Queen of the May.
And not only that, Mr. Douglas,
you must understand that we have
a very quiet, little community here.
Even the smallest incident
can become a volcano.
So, to have this... this
fiasco break over us
was more than we
could quite cope with.
Well, Dean Talbot, uh,
just how much is, uh,
Mike involved in this, uh...
What-whatever happened?
Well, the way I understand it,
some of the boys of the
Sigma Gamma Chi fraternity
were bored with life in general
and themselves in particular.
It started Monday night.
It was raining, you may recall.
Boy, listen to that rain.
It's 8:00.
The city fathers are
probably out there
rolling up their sidewalks.
Yeah, this is the first
ghost town I ever saw
with people in it.
Oh, what's eating you guys?
This place is full
of things to do.
Huh? Like what?
Well, uh...
we could always go down
and watch the reservoir fill up.
No, the trouble
with this place is
it came to a skidding
halt 40 years ago.
Yeah, well, it seems to
me someone once said,
"If thy town offend
thee, jazz it up."
Who said that? Me.
Wouldn't it be a gas
if we dismantled the dean's
old clunk and-and reassembled it
on the roof of the
chemistry building?
Hey, we wouldn't even
have to dismantle it.
Look, all we need is
a block and fall, see.
We attach one hook
to each bumper...
No, it's been done.
Ever since there
have been colleges,
they've been assembling
buggies and tractors
and everything else on the roof.
What we need is
something original.
Hey!
How about going down to the...
You are still a
pledge, are you not?
Yes, sir.
You'll be allowed
opinions next term.
Now leave the skull
work to your betters.
If we could think of
something original,
something sensational,
we'd leave a heritage for future
generations of Sigma Gams
to be proud of.
Sure, but what?
Pledge! Come in here!
Now!
Yes, sir?
Are you aware that you're
dripping on a Sigma Gam rug?
Well, I was gonna take
my raincoat off in the hall,
but you called me in here.
He's talking back.
What is that?
Well, it's a hippopotamus foot.
Hippopotamus foot?
You're horsing around
with the credulity of
your betters, Douglas.
Oh, no. I-I heard you guys
saying you needed
an umbrella stand,
so I looked in our
attic and there it is.
Yeah, but, uh,
what's all this jazz about
a hippopotamus foot?
Well, that's what it is.
I guess they didn't
care what they used
for an umbrella
stand in the old days.
And it's real, toes and all.
Well, sure. Who'd want to
make a phony hippopotamus foot?
Hey, are you guys
thinking what I'm thinking?
Not yet.
How about you, Jeff?
No. What are you thinking?
Conference.
Look, suppose tomorrow
morning, we take this...
Come on, you guys,
we're gonna be late!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
How about the caretaker?
Hey, that's right. We'll need
somebody to keep him busy.
Hey, you, Douglas, come with us.
What? Uh, never mind.
You, too, come in here. Come on.
And the boots, yeah. We
need boots. Come on, come on.
I Can't go out. I got practice.
I got some studying
to do, fellas.
Where are we going?
How about the
umbrel... here. Take this.
Douglas. Take this,
please. We need the hips.
All right, Douglas,
you go over to the
caretaker's shack up there
and keep him busy.
Keep him busy?
Well, how? You'll
think of something.
You better.
If he catches us,
we're all in the soup.
And don't forget, it's
your hippopotamus foot!
Well, well, how long?
As long as you can.
Now get up there.
Hey, what are we doing?
What are you?
I'm a pledge.
And what right does a
pledge have to ask questions?
None whatever.
A pledge is lowlier than
the lowliest worm. Right.
Now find some heavy rocks
to put in the hippopotamus foot.
Door ain't locked. Come in.
Howdy.
Oh, hello, young fella.
Come on in.
What can I do for you?
Uh, well... I'm lost.
You are?
Yeah. Um, maybe you could, uh,
tell me the best way
to get back to town.
Well, I'd have
to point out the...
Oh, no, don't get up, please.
Uh, I understand
directions better
when they're told to me.
Kinda weird, ain't it?
What?
I'm a pointing man, myself.
Oh.
Well, I guess I'm
a listening man.
Oh, go on with
your cereal, please.
Well, it's not good manners
to eat in front of people.
Oh, don't be silly.
Got all the time in the world.
Okay, now, lift.
This way.
All right, now, drop it.
And then my mama let me have it
right across the
mouth with a mackerel.
Taught me not to be
saying naughty things
at the dinner
table, I'll tell ya that.
Want some more mush?
Oh, no, thanks.
I will have another
piece of toast, though.
Yeah, take two pieces.
Well.
Uh... then what happened?
Hmm?
About what?
Well, after you, uh, said
naughty things at the table.
Oh.
Well, Mama slapped me right
in bed, that's what happened.
And I stayed there.
Uh, son, hand me
my rifle there, will you?
Rifle?
I always clean my rifle
before I make my rounds.
Somebody please tell
me what we're doing here.
What are you?
Oh, come on, let's not
go through that again.
What are you?
I'm a pledge.
And what is a pledge?
A brainless person.
Does a brainless
person ask questions?
A brainless person
never asks questions
'cause he's too stupid to
understand the answers.
Get to work.
Nothing like having a clean gun.
I never make my rounds
without cleaning my gun.
Well, if it was me,
I-I sure wouldn't make my
rounds on a day like this.
Well, it rained yesterday.
It's nice and pretty today.
Yeah, but, look, it's
all muddy outside.
Oh, that's right. So it is.
Yeah.
Well, I'll get my
galoshes ready.
I'll wear them.
Well, son,
I think I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave now.
Uh, what happened to you after
your mother slapped you in bed
for saying those, uh,
naughty things at the table?
Oh.
I know what you're doing.
You do?
All right, now, pick
it up and come out.
Not that way, you dope!
If we wanted your footprints,
we wouldn't have used the rope.
Wade around to this bank,
and then pick up a stick
and smear your footprints.
Aw, come on, you guys.
What are you?
Okay. All right.
Yeah, you're trying to stall me.
Oh, no. Nobody
stalls Quinby Lewis when
time for his nap comes around.
But I-I'm really
interest... Nap?
Yep. Couldn't make my
rounds without my nap.
Be just like putting on
my shoes before my socks.
Good-bye.
Well... good-bye.
Um, thanks for
the food, Mr. Lewis.
And, uh, have a good nap.
Yeah, have a nice,
long, restful nap.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Where's the caretaker?
He's taking a nap.
Hey, looks like a hippopotamus
walked right down into the lake.
Doesn't it, though.
♪ ♪
Course it, uh, could be
nothing but a big cow.
No, no, no, way
too big for a cow.
I'll tell you
what I think it is.
The Loch Ness monster.
The Loch Ness monster
was some kind of a fish.
This thing's been
walking around.
Contreva, get hold of
Professor Adkins at the museum.
Ask him if he can
come right out here.
Yes, Sergeant.
I just thought of something.
What?
Suppose it can't swim.
Let's not get silly, Mr. Lewis.
All we've got so far are a
set of footprints in the mud.
Yeah, but a thing
with feet that big
is bound to have a carcass
that ain't gonna purify
that water supply none.
Stop getting panicky.
The thing, whatever it is,
is probably 50 miles
away from here by now.
Could be a mutation
caused from the fallout.
I heard of a fella one time
found a frog four feet across.
Yes, Jody?
I've been all around
the reservoir, Sergeant.
It may have gone in,
but it never came out.
There you are.
Hmm.
Any escaped animals
in the area, Sergeant?
No, Professor.
I checked that out first thing.
Say, I'll tell you
what it might be.
Maybe it's one of
them vegetable varmints
from another planet.
They don't eat you;
they absorb you.
Let's not be a Henny
Penny, shall we, Mr. Lewis?
I'm sure the
professor will come up
with a perfectly
sensible answer.
Right, Professor? Of course.
These are hippopotamus tracks.
I must admit that one
good thing came out of it.
It was very nice to know we had
a capable curator at the museum.
Must have taken a lot of
courage to tell the whole world
that a hippopotamus
walked into our reservoir.
Yes, I-I imagine it did.
Of course, uh, Dean Talbot,
I can't really say I
feel the boys, uh...
committed a terrible crime.
Uh, of course, they shouldn't
have done it, but, uh...
Oh, but they didn't let it
go at that, Mr. Douglas.
Oh, they didn't?
No.
They let a few days go by,
and then they started, uh,
turning up here and there,
uh, spreading
rumors about, uh...
"And it has been several days
"since the famed hippopotamus
wandered into the reservoir.
"No tracks have been seen since,
according to Sergeant Blake
of the First Precinct station."
"This reporter interviewed
Professor Adkins
"at the museum.
"The professor
indicated that the animal
"might easily have
left the reservoir
"without our being aware of it,
"for the earth around
the banks hardens
"after a day or so of
sunshine, and even a beast
as heavy as a hippopotamus
would leave no tracks."
You know, I don't
think that the town
should get the idea
that our little friend
has left the reservoir, do you?
Oh, no, of course not.
Uh, in fact, I happen
to think he's still there.
Yeah, but the thing is,
we have to convince
everybody else.
Oh, come on, fellas.
Don't you think we've
pushed this gag far...
What are you?
A pledge, sir.
And does a pledge butt in
when his betters are
discussing something?
No, sir. A pledge knows
better than to butt in
when his betters are
discussing something.
And why is that?
Because a pledge
is a rotten thing, sir.
Right.
And remember that.
Hey, Joe.
Joe, this water tastes funny.
What do you mean,
the water tastes funny?
Oh, it just does.
Taste it.
Where do you get
your water from?
It's regular city water.
Oh. Oh, well, no wonder.
Come on, Douglas.
What'll it be, boys?
Well, let's see.
You, uh... you get
your water from the city?
Well, sure. Why?
You use it in coffee and
you make soup with it
and that sort of thing?
Well, sure. What's
wrong with it?
N-Nothing.
Come on, Timothy.
Hey, fella.
I wouldn't drink that.
Why not?
It's city water.
Thanks.
Well, pledge or no pledge,
I think we ought to
go right down there
and tell them we think this
thing has gone far enough.
I'm with you.
Got half this town
buying bottled water.
When it comes time to
get punished, who gets it?
The whole fraternity.
Not just Buzz and Jeff and Ray.
Yeah, why should
we get it in the neck
just because those three
clowns think they're clever?
That's right.
Well, shall we do it?
Don't chicken out on me.
Ah, you just watch me.
Hey, you guys, listen to this.
"Today, Mayor Fortuna
ordered the dragging
"of the city's
number two reservoir,
"following complaints
from the citizens
regarding the
quality of the water."
Hey, you know,
somewhere in all this,
there's a wonderful
psychology thesis
on the power of suggestion.
Just don't write it up
till we've all graduated.
What else does it say, Buzz?
"'The bee in our bonnet
is a hippopotamus
in our reservoir"
says the may..."
What do you guys want?
We think that this whole
thing has gone too far.
That's right. Yes.
We-we-we think that
the original conception
of a hippopotamus
walking into the reservoir
w-w-was very well
thought-out and executed,
but, well, now people are
starting to spend money!
What are you?
I said, what are you?
Oh, look, let's not
start that jazz now.
Now, we got something to
say, and we'd like to say it.
Now, Tim's right.
At first, this whole thing
was a... a harmless prank.
It was even kind of fun, but...
but now people are
starting to spend money
that they wouldn't
ordinarily spend. Yes.
What are you?
And now... and now
the city is starting
to spend money to-to-to
drag that reservoir.
Ah... you guys
know as well as I do,
when the city spends money,
somebody gets punished.
What are you?
Oh, come on, you guys.
This is more important than...
What are you?
A pledge. A pledge.
BUZZ, JEFF AND
RAY: What is a pledge?
A brainless person.
What else is a pledge?
A stepped-on fig.
What else is a pledge?
An amoeba crawling
through Paleozoic ooze.
What else is a pledge?
Oxidation on the
filament of life.
What else is a pledge?
Torn underwear.
What else is a pledge?
A despicable being.
A despicable being.
Buzz.
You see the evening paper?
Yeah.
"City council discusses
emptying reservoir."
You know, if they
drain that reservoir,
the whole city is in trouble.
That other reservoir
doesn't hold enough water
to put in your eye.
Don't you think I know that?
We better think of something.
Well, I have an idea,
if, uh, anyone
wants to listen to me.
We tell the university,
we not only get kicked out;
we give Sigma Gams
a bad name for all time.
We better think of
something pretty quick.
I hear they're going to
start draining in a day or so.
Yeah.
Listen, fellas, it looks like
I've gotten the house
in a lot of trouble.
Now, if worse comes to worst,
naturally, I'll tell
the dean what I did.
But I'd prefer to
stay in school, so...
why don't we try to figure
some way out of this?
Yeah.
Well, I have an idea right now.
Why don't we sleep
on it, and if you come up
with any ideas, let
me know, all right?
Yeah, sure, Buzz. Yeah.
But I have an idea, Buzz.
Say that again.
I have an idea, uh, Mr. Talbot.
That's better.
I still think it'd work.
Mmm.
All we need to do is
get a couple of buckets
and go down there at night.
Don't you think?
I'm a pledge.
Hey, you awake?
Brainless person.
Tim?
Mmm. Wake up.
Well...
Rain.
That's all we need.
Rain.
Rain! That's it.
Buzz, wake up.
Wake up.
Who is it? Me, Mike Douglas.
Douglas, do you realize
you're in the seniors' quarters?
We'll play that game later.
Right now I've got an idea
that'll get us all out
of this jam, I think.
What kind of an idea?
Well, at first, I thought
we'd need to use buckets,
but you see... Buckets?!
Douglas, will you
get out of here...
Shut up and listen, will you?
Sir. Now, like I said,
at first, I thought
we'd need buckets,
because there's no hoses
or anything down there,
but now it's raining.
And don't you
see? If it's raining,
we don't need buckets
or a hose or anything.
We just go down there...
But, uh, what did they want
with the buckets and a hose?
To wet the ground.
To wet the ground, but
the rain did that for them.
Yeah.
"Hippopotamus
walks out of reservoir."
They, uh, did the whole
thing in reverse, huh?
And they did a
good job of it, too.
Walked him out of the reservoir
and right out of town.
Right out of town, huh?
How did you, uh,
find out about this,
uh, Dean Talbot?
One of the boys told me.
For the good of the
Sigma Gam house, he said.
And I believe him.
Not, uh, Mike?
No.
The ringleader.
Boy named Buzz Talbot.
Of course, a thing like
this can't go unpunished.
No, no, of course not.
So, we're confining the boys
to quarters for two weeks,
and they're to pay
the city the cost
of dragging the reservoir.
Do you approve?
Oh, I-I think that's
fair enough. Certainly.
Fine.
I wanted every parent's approval
before we went ahead with
the disciplinary measures.
Thank you for
coming, Mr. Douglas.
Well, it's been a very
interesting morning,
Dean Talbot.
What did you say the
ringleader's name was?
Buzz Talbot.
Yes.
Sometimes, a grandson
will tell his grandfather things
he'd never tell the
dean of a university.
True.
Good day, sir. Good day, sir.
Dinner will be in
an hour, you know?
Yeah, I know, Bub.
That's why I'm only
eating a sandwich.
Well, Little Bo Peep,
what's eating you?
All that stuff Mike
was telling us
about that foot track
was probably just
a bunch of whole made-up junk.
No, it wasn't... It
really happened.
Then, how come it
didn't work for me?
Well, now, don't
tell me you tried it.
Sure. I took that
rabbit's foot of Sudsy's
and made tracks in the mud.
They led straight up to
the fish pond at school.
And what happened?
The teacher gave me ten demerits
for carrying around
a muddy rabbit's foot.
You see?