My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 30 - Coincidence - full transcript

The phone's runnin' over!

How about somebody
answerin' the phone?!

I got it last time!

Will somebody get that phone

before it has a
nervous breakdown?

All right, I'll get
it. Well, get it.

Robbie, would you get your
baseball gear out of the stairs

before somebody
slides into home?

You know, Dad, you do
one thing around this house,

then, all of a sudden,
everything gets piled up on you.

Answer the phone, will
you, please? All right.



Hello? Oh, hi, Mary Ann.
Cleats on the stairway.

Hey, what are you
all dressed up for?

Oh, I have to go into
the plant this afternoon.

On a Saturday?!

Yeah, one of the brass
is just gonna be in town

over the weekend, and
we're having a meeting.

Hey, Dad? Hmm?

What do you want
the money for, Chip?

How'd you know I was
gonna ask for money?

I'm psychic. What's that?

Ask Mike, that's his department.

Hey, Mike, what's
"psychic" mean?

That means he's
sensitive to mental

or extrasensory phenomena.



Boy, I'm sorry I asked.

I am also sensitive
to rocks in my chair.

That's my
conglomerate collection.

Yeah, well, that
isn't the point.

That's okay, Dad.
Chip, the point...

You didn't hurt 'em any.
Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Now, would you put that
sweater where it belongs?

Dad, you know what
that phone call was about?

No, I'm dying to know.

That was Mary Ann Dunkirk,

and she called me up
to ask me for a date.

Oh. Now, how do you like that?

Well, I don't mind, Rob.
She's not my type, anyway.

Oh, I thought you didn't
like girls who called up guys.

Talk to Mike about that.
He's the psychology student.

There she is again.

Hello, Mary Ann.

Yeah.

Chip! Come back
here with my rolling pin!

I'm just borrowing it! Chip!

Chip, come back here!

Chip! Bub... Bub...

Bub, do you have to yell?

But he stole my rolling pin!

And he's gonna use
it to make a satellite.

How do you like that, Dad?

I tell Mary Ann she shouldn't
call, and she starts bawling.

You'll get your
rolling pin back, Bub.

None of Chip's
satellites ever get more

than three feet off the ground.

But it should be
in the top drawer,

not three feet off the ground!

And tell him to quit using my
eggbeaters to make helicopters!

I will.

Robbie, will you stop that

before you break a
lamp or something?

My rolling pin is probably
on its way to the moon

with a monkey in it!

Dad, I told her she shouldn't...

Oh, Chip! Chip!

Mike, uh, take it easy.

I'm-I'm sorry, Dad.
Lookit, stop that.

Chip!

Bub, will you stop
yelling, please?

And, Robbie, I told
you to cut that out, now.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Steve, you don't have to shout.

I'm sorry. I've had a rough
week and I guess I'm a little edgy.

I have this morning off and I...

Well, I'd just like a
little quiet, that's all.

So would I.

I think I'll take a
ride downtown,

and pick up some pipe
tobacco or something.

I know boys have to make
noise sometimes, but...

I suppose you'd rather
have a houseful of girls.

Well, now that you bring it up,

I will admit there
have been moments

when I thought that
might be interesting.

It'd certainly be
a lot more quiet.

Well, if he wanted

a houseful of women, he
should've thought about it

a long time ago.

Ah, did you, uh, miss your bus?

Uh, no, it-it missed me.

Oh, well, I'm glad I came along.

Yeah. Red light.

My name's Steve Douglas.

Oh, my name's
Longfellow. How are you?

Longfellow, huh?

What's in a name?

Most everyone calls me Billy.

Uh, glad to know you, Billy.

Where can I drop you off?

Oh, oh, I'm going
clear across town.

Uh, Manchester, near Spring.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But you can drop me off
anywhere along the way.

No, no, I'm, uh, just out
for the ride. I'll take you over.

I'm going over to,
uh, visit my sister.

She has four boys I like to see.

What do you know.

I'm just trying to get
away from four boys.

Temporarily, that is.

Your sons?

Uh, well, three of them
are; one's a grandfather.

Oh.

Well, you know, boys
can be a problem.

Yeah, they sure can.

And so can girls.

I'd like the chance to find out.

You would?

Oh-oh, the-the signal's changed.

Ah.

Well... thanks a lot, Steve.

Good-bye.

I-I hope I didn't take you
too far out of your way.

Oh, not at all.

Besides, uh, who
was it that said, by...

that by leaving a few minutes
earlier or a few minutes later,

or by stopping to
speak to a friend or

by going down one
road instead of another,

you can change the
whole course of your life?

Uh, that was
Longfellow who said that.

The other one.

I hope, uh, picking me up will

bring you a lot of good fortune.

Thanks. And, uh,
just to be sure...

here's a token for good luck.

Well, thanks, Billy.

Thanks, Steve.

Oh, uh, you sure you
can find your way home?

Oh, sure, I know this town
like I know my own name.

Well, if, uh, you'd like
to try a shortcut, uh,

turn down Spruce
instead of Spring.

Fine. I'll try that.

See ya. Good-bye.

Dead end?!

Let's see, I made a
right turn off Spruce,

then a left turn off Pine.

Or was it off Elm?

One of those tree streets.

Some shortcut.

Not out of gas...

Well, Tramp!

Come here.

What are you doing here, huh?

That's a good dog.

You know, for a minute, I
thought you were our dog.

You look just like him.

Doorbell's ringing!

I can hear!

I got it the last time!

Just like home.

Oh, hello. Hi.

Uh, nice dog you've got here.

What's his name? He's a she.

Her name's Juliet.

Juliet, huh?

My mother named her.

Did you want to see my mother?

Because she isn't here.

No, I tell you,
I've run out of gas,

and, uh, I wonder if I
could use your phone

to call the auto club.

You can use it
if you can get it.

My sister's talking
on it, as usual.

That's because she's
always talking to boys.

Oh, I see.

Come on in. Oh, thank you.

Uh-huh.

I don't like boys yet.

I'm only nine. Right?

But everyone says in
a couple of years I will.

I'm... I'm sure you will.

I did not say that!

This is the living room.

Yes, I know.

What's your name?

Mine's Kit.

Kit, huh?

I'm glad to know you, Kit.

Mine name's, uh, Steve Douglas.

You can sit down, if you like.

Oh, thank you.

Oh.

Wha... What was that?

Clementine, my doll.

Oh, I'm sorry I sat
on her. It's okay.

You didn't hurt her.

Would you like to hold her?

Oh, thank you, Kit. I, uh,

I think it'd be better
if you held her.

Oh, men! Honest... oh.

Excuse me. Uh, hello.

This is my sister Bobbie.

Bobbie?

Short for Roberta.

Oh.

This is Mr. Douglas.

He wants to use the phone.

But why are you mad at me?

Oh, well, sure, but Mike's
using the phone right now.

Mike?

Short for Michelle.

Well.

Mike, Bobbie and Kit, huh?

Uh, excuse me.

I'll hurry her up.

Are you a friend of my mother's?

No. Uh...

Tell me, Bobbie, what is
your mother's first name?

Irene.

Oh, that's a relief.

I thought maybe
it might be Steve...

Uh, short for
Stephanie or something.

Uh, Mr. Douglas,

do you know anything about boys?

Well, yes, yes, I know
a little about them.

Oh, I wish I did.

Something the matter?

Oh, nothing that a date for
the school dance tomorrow night

wouldn't cure.

You don't have a date, huh? No.

Oh, and I have a new dress, too.

Even new shoes.

Do you like it?

Yes, I think it's beautiful.

But I can't imagine
a pretty girl like you

having trouble getting a date.

Oh, well, another girl called
the boy I wanted to go with,

invited him to her
house for dinner.

So he has to take her.

Well, sometimes we
men get ourselves trapped

into situations we, uh,
well, we can't get out of.

Well, if I'd called him first,
it wouldn't have happened.

But my mother says it isn't
right for girls to call boys.

I think your mother's right.

Well, how would you
feel if you had to sit home

and wait for some girl
to make up her mind

whether or not she
wanted to take you out?

I don't know. I, uh...

I hadn't thought
about it that way.

You sound like my mother.

She evades the issue, too.

How about your father?

Oh, we haven't got a father.

My mother's a widow.

Oh.

Is this a picture
of your mother?

Uh-huh.

She's very pretty.

Oh, well, I'll go see if
Mike's still on the phone.

Oh, there's no hurry.

Oh, yes, there is.

When the phone's tied
up, we're out of touch

with the outside world!

Can you tie a bow, Mr. Douglas?

Well, I, uh, I learned
how to tie knots

when I was in the Boy Scouts.

Of course, that was a while ago.

Uh, sit down here, Kit.

We never did learn
how to tie a hair ribbon.

What kind of a
knot would you like?

Any kind will do. Well...

I can't see it anyway.

How about a sheepshank?

Or, uh, maybe a
bowline on a bight?

Or, uh, maybe a figure-eight?

Or just a plain old square knot,

which will probably turn
into a granny, anyway.

You're funny. Yeah.

Well, this bow's
a little funny, too.

You can have the
phone now, Mr. Douglas.

Mike's about to hang up on Dick.

Oh, I-I wouldn't want her to
hang up on account of me.

Oh, she isn't. They've
just had a fight.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

If you lived here,
you'd get used to it.

I would?

If that's the way
you feel, Dick Rollet,

well, then you can
have your pin back.

I'll mail it back, right away.

Uh, couldn't they talk it over?

Uh, maybe, uh... Oh, it
doesn't mean anything.

Look, Mr. Douglas,

the minute she hangs
up, grab the phone.

She's, uh, crying.

I don't think I want to grow up.

Not if I have to
be that miserable.

Thank you, Mr. Douglas.

Good-bye! Forever!

Well, here's your
chance, Mr. Douglas.

Miss, uh, uh, Mike,
I-I wouldn't cry.

I'm sure it isn't as
bad as it seems.

Oh, yes, it is.

You better just dial your
number, Mr. Douglas.

Look, would it do any
good if I talked to this fellow?

I wouldn't butt in like this,

except I have three sons
and I know how they think,

or at least I think I
know how they think.

I don't care if I never speak
to him again the rest of my life.

Dick?

You called back.

I know; I'm sorry, too.

I told you you should
have grabbed the phone.

This will take hours.

Kit, come back here
with that blanket.

Kit!

Oh, that's Mub.

Um, she always yells, but
she doesn't really mean it.

Mub?

Not your grandmother...

Yes, how did you know?

I just guessed.

You come back here, Kit!

Even sounds like him.

I'm just going to use
it for my doll buggy.

Mub takes care of
us while Mother works.

I know.

Kit, don't you think I
have enough to do all day

without chasing you
all over the place?

Get off that phone!

You take those dolls and
get those things out of here,

and here, you take your petti...

Who are you?

I-I'm not quite sure.

I-I think my name is
Steven Longfellow...

I-I mean Steven Douglas.

Now, why would I
make up a story like that?

It was just one of
those strange things.

Call it coincidence,
if you like.

Did the dog really
look like Tramp?

I thought it was
Tramp for a minute.

Her name was Juliet.

And they even had a grandmother.

And believe it or not,
they called her Mub.

She even reminded
me of you, Bub.

Oh, so now I look like a woman.

I didn't say you
looked like her.

Boy, can you imagine
anything worse

than being a woman and
having to look like Bub?

Well, thanks a lot.

And I don't think you've got

Rock Hudson worried
very much, either.

Dad, uh, if you don't
mind my saying so,

uh, you could have
imagined all this happened.

I didn't imagine it.

I met this family like ours, and
they lived in a house like ours.

Of course, the furnishings
were different, but...

But that was probably
your subconscious

just wishing for a household
of women instead of men.

Remember? Y-You
said it just before you left.

It wasn't my sub-anything.

I tell you it happened.

Well, Dad, uh,

I wasn't going to say
anything about it, but...

this morning, when I went to
the library, I saw you in the car.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

You must have been
upset, even then, because...

Well, because you
were talking to yourself.

I was not talking to myself.

I was talking to
somebody I picked up.

But there was no one
in the car with you, Dad.

Of course there was
someone in the car with me.

You just couldn't
see him, that's all.

Mike couldn't see
him, but you could?

Yes, of course.

The reason Mike
couldn't see him, I guess,

was because he was
such a little fellow.

A little boy?

No, no, I imagine he was
around 35 or 40 years old.

He was only about
three feet high.

Three feet high?

Yes, and his name
was Longfellow.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow?

Billy Longfellow.

Look, he gave me a
coin... A good luck coin.

I've got it right
here in my pocket.

I'll show you.

That's funny, I can't find it.

Well, maybe it was
an invisible coin.

It was not an invisible coin.

I tell you I had it.

All right, you had your fun.

I've got to go to the
plant, but when I get back,

I'm going to take you over
and have you meet this family.

Then we'll see who
has the last laugh.

This is the house right here.

If you don't mind,
we'll wait here.

No, I don't mind.

You stay wherever you
want to; I'll show you.

All right.

Juliet.

Juliet?

There's no dog here.

Well, she's probably
in the house.

Juliet?

Juliet?

Don't look at me, lady.

I never saw him
before in my life.

Maybe I did imagine it.

How am I going to
explain this to them?

But after seeing
the house empty,

I can understand where it'd be

a little difficult
for you to believe.

Yeah, well, uh, I
think I'll go upstairs

and hit the books for a while.

Right.

Is there anything I can get you?

No, thank you, Mike.

Uh, a glass of warm milk?

No, thank you.

Dad, I turned down
your bed for you.

Well, that was very
thoughtful of you, Robbie.

Uh, is there anything
else I can do for you?

No, thanks.

You must have some homework
or something to do, haven't you?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Chip, you, uh, you must
have some homework, huh?

Yeah.

Dad.

Yes, Chip.

I believed everything
you told us today.

Thank you, Chip.

Even the part where you
were talking to somebody,

and he wasn't there.

That's fine.

You sure are a good storyteller.

You know, I'm beginning
to think you're right, Chip.

Well, so long.

Now, don't you pat me.

Go... you go on.

There just has to be
an explanation for this...

A logical, believable
explanation.

He's talking to himself again.

Well, that just shows
you what overwork can do.

Boy, from now on, I'm
gonna watch more TV

instead of doing my homework.

A house can't be
lived in in the morning

and absolutely empty
a few hours later.

I'm sure that real
estate agent said

we turned at Fourth and Pine.

We were doing fine until
we picked up that little fella

and gave him a ride.

Some shortcut he gave us.

He was awfully cute, though.

Imagine a name
like that: Longfellow.

I've got some laundry to
do, and then I'm going to bed.

You better do the same.

Yeah, I'm going
up in a minute, Bub.

Nothing like a good night's rest

to bring you back to normal.

Back to normal?!

Will you stop
that? I'm all right.

Sure, you are. Sure, you are.

It was probably nothing

but just a little touch of
memory virus, that's all.

Memory virus...

Maybe we better stop and
ask where Fourth Avenue is.

There's a porch
light on over there.

I guess that's as good
a place as any to ask.

Now, don't forget to
put the porch light out.

I'll put it out.

That's all right,
Tramp. Never mind.

Whoop... stay down.

I'm sorry to bother
you, but we're lost.

Could you please tell me
where Fourth Avenue is?

Well, that...

Well, Juliet, how
did you get in here?

Juliet?

Oh, I'm sorry, but your
dog looks just like ours.

Tramp, be quiet.

You have a dog named Juliet?

Yes. But I see now
that... Be quiet, Tramp.

Now, go on, go on;
go in the other room.

I can't believe this.

You have a dog named Juliet,

you have three daughters...
Mike, Bobbie and Kit...

And they have a
grandmother named Mub,

and your name is Irene,

and you live in
a house like this.

I-I'm sorry I troubled you.

I'll just go now. Oh, no,
no, please, please come in.

If you don't mind... Look, my
name is Steve Douglas, and I...

It's been nice knowing
you, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, please, please... Good-bye.

I want you to explain
something to my family.

Come in, please.

What's the matter,
Tramp... you want out?

Well, okay, out you go.

Attaboy.

And, uh, when I took the family

over there this afternoon,
I found the house empty.

We didn't intend to
move until next week,

but my brother-in-law, who
was letting us use the house,

came back unexpectedly,
a-and, and he asked us

if we couldn't get out tonight

so he could get
in in the morning.

Well... that was
pretty fast moving.

I just hope you'll explain
this whole thing to my family.

Of course I will.

Juliet, get on back
in the car; go on.

No, no, no, Juliet,
you can stay here.

I just want my
family to see her, too.

Tramp, I thought
I just let you out.

Okay, out you go again.

Attaboy.

Now, Tramp, if you're
looking for Juliet,

she went out that way.

Bring 'em all in, Irene.

Mike, Robbie, Chip!

Come here.

Get out of here.

You wanted to go...
What's going on here?!

Bub! What?

Come on in, I've got a
surprise for you. What is this?

Hey, Steve, I got a
surprise for you, too!

Wait'll you see it! Just wait!

Imagine what they thought
about me around here

when I told 'em
what had happened,

and then I took 'em over to
the house and it was empty.

Steve... Oh, Bub, I would like
you to meet the Anderson family.

This is Mrs. Anderson
and her three daughters:

How do you do?
Mike, Bobbie and Kit.

And this is the girls'
grandmother Mub.

Bub, Mub.

Hiya, Bub.

Hiya. So there, you see?

Well, let's all go
sit down, shall we?

Oh, of course we
can't stay very long...

Oh, doorbell. I'll get it. - Oh!

I'm sorry. I didn't see you.

Oh, well, that's the,
that's the story of my life.

Say, could you tell me how
to get to Fourth and Oak?

Uh, yeah.

Now, if you take a right and
go, uh, one, two, three blocks,

that should be Oak
Street; then, uh, Fourth...

Mike, uh, are you
talking to yourself?

No, Dad, this man here is lost.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Billy. Uh, come on in.

Oh, uh, I didn't
know you lived here.

You, uh, didn't? Uh-uh, no.

Well, come on in
and join the party.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Anderson.

Is that...?

The last piece to the jigsaw.

Can I get you something, Mike?

Maybe a glass of warm milk?