My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 21 - Robbie Valentino - full transcript

Film makers are in town to do a documentary on Robbie's physics class. Bub tell Robbie he should try to get a part in the film. Robbie and another student are chosen for a close up shot, showing what they are doing in physics.

Hi, you guys.

Hey, what's on fire?!

What's burning? Steaks.

Steaks?!

Yeah. Bub is making one of those

goofy barbecue
dinners of his again.

Oh, boy. He always gets so
carried away with the sauce,

he lets the meat
turn to leather. Yeah.

What's everybody
standing out here for?

Your dad will be
here any minute.

Steaks are almost ready.



Ready? Aren't
they burning? Yeah.

A little charcoal
never hurt anybody.

Oh, what's happening?

You can see the smoke

all the way from
down on Maple Street!

What's burning? Me!

I'll burn, if you
guys are not ready

for dinner in five minutes.

We are having a barbecue.

A barbecue?

You've all been bugging me

to give you something
different for a change.

Well, I'm giving
it to you tonight.

Oh. Well, don't you think
maybe you ought to go



and put out whatever...
you're cooking?

Yeah. Boy.

Well, there's, uh,
certainly nothing

like one of Bub's
barbecued steaks, is there?

Certainly isn't. Anywhere.

You ready for another
piece of steak, Chip?

Oh. Not yet, Bub.

Well, did, uh, anything
happen to anybody today?

Mm-mm.

Billy Snyder's little
sister fell down.

For a while, I helped pick
the pebbles out of her knees.

Oh, that was nice of you, Chip.

How about you, Mike? Well,

I got an anthropology
exam coming up.

Mm-hmm. Tough one?

Yeah, kind of. It's all about

ancient myths and superstitions.

Boy, those primitive
people sure were stupid.

How do you mean? Well,

they were so superstitious,

they wouldn't...

they wouldn't make a move
unless they performed some ritual.

Mm-hmm. Well, good
luck on your exam.

Well, I'm keeping
my fingers crossed.

The way I got it figured out,

I-I should come
out with about a "B."

I've got a rabbit's
foot somewhere if, uh,

you could use that, too.

Jackie

McWilliams almost got sent
home for hitting a girl today.

He struck a girl!? CHIP: Yeah.

He slapped Mary Lou Gifford
over the head with his lunch pail.

With his lunch pail?! Well, he
should have been sent home.

Why wasn't he? Yeah.

Well, if he hadn't hit her

with his lunch pail, she
would have killed him.

Oh. She can beat up anybody

clear up to the seventh grade.

Well, she must be sweet.

Anybody for another
piece of steak now?

No, thanks, Bub. I... No, Bub.

Uh, no, thanks, Bub.

Your sauce is great, though.

Oh, yes, it-it... it is.

Well, I'm sorry I
burned 'em a little,

but the fire was too hot.

Oh. Glad you liked the sauce.

Mmm.

Uh, Chip, where's Tramp?

Underneath the table.

Oh.

Tramp?

Why would anybody want to
make a movie of a physics class?

Well, that-that's a
good question, Rob.

Uh, what's the answer?

Well, they're gonna make a movie

of Miss Fisher's class.

The guy's coming out
tomorrow to talk to us.

A real movie?

Well, who's gonna
direct this picture?

Maybe I know him.

When's the script
gonna be ready?

I don't know.

They're just making a
movie of the class, Bub.

What's so great about that?

Do you have to
kiss any girls in it?

Oh... I'm sure
if the part called

for Robbie to kiss a girl,

he would make the great
sacrifice and kiss her,

no matter how
distasteful it was to him.

How about some
of Bub's sauce, huh?

Oh. Lots of people
started that way.

What way?

Hollywood's always
looking for talent.

No kidding.

Oh, come on, now, Bub.

Are you trying to tell me

that, uh, he's gonna
be a movie star

just because he's in one
crummy little school movie?

Well, it's happened before.

One little flash of personality,
and zoom, he's up there.

No kidding?

Well, now, Bub, I don't
think we have to worry

about Robbie
becoming a movie star.

What do you want Robbie to do,

just, uh, l-lay down
and play dead?

Well, no, no, but, uh,

well, he's never
shown any inclination

to be an actor, has he?

Don't those actor guys ever
get sick to their stomachs

from kissing all those girls?

I wouldn't know, Chip.

Lots of big names didn't have

any idea of being actors.

Gosh, this steak is tough!

I can't even cut the sauce.

Tramp!

I want you all to be
alert and on your toes.

Uh, Miss Fisher,
if you don't mind,

I would like to
explain... Class...

let's welcome the director,

one of Hollywood's
finest artists,

Mr. Edward Murry.

I, uh... I'd like to clear
up something very quickly.

We're not what you call a
Hollywood film company.

We're a very small, educational,

16-millimeter film outfit.

And the purpose
of this film is to show

how an average American
school prepares its students

for today's world of science.

So, uh, if I may correct
your fine teacher,

I don't want you to be
alert and on your toes.

I want you to be
perfectly natural.

Mr. Murry didn't mean
that the way it sounded.

No, of course not.

I'd, uh... I'd like to observe
the class for a little while,

and if they'll just carry
on while I wander around,

that'll be a big help.

Very well.

Carry on, class.

You have the heat conduction

experiments on your tables...

Problem number 64B.

After you?

Thank you.

Whoops.

Boys. Boys.

Idle hands make idle minds.

Hello.

Girls?

Girls, science.

Hello.

64B.

These are two of
our fine students,

Marilyn Turnthurston
and Robert Douglas.

A boy... and a girl.

Together.

Their mind intent on learning.

Hmm?

Oh, that's a very
nice idea, Miss Fisher.

Uh, please pass
the Bunsen burner.

We'll, uh, take a
two-shot of this tomorrow.

The, uh, same
thing you just did...

Same action,
same line, all right?

Oh, yes, sir.

Thanks a lot, sir. Good.

Well... Wow. Boy,
what do you think?

Oops.

Oh, I suppose it's nothing
to get excited about, but...

I-I guess it's just a bit.

I guess that's
what you'd call it.

It's very exciting,

even if it is just
an educational film.

Yeah. It would have been nice
if we had more lines, though.

Hey, maybe if we
talk to Mr. Murry,

maybe he'll let us,
well, kind of build it up,

kind of. You mean, make

a regular scene
out of it, sort of?

Well, yeah. After
all, what can you do

with one little
measly line like that?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

I mean, uh, gee,
there's-there's hardly any time

to get into the
spirit of the scene.

Yeah, you're so right, Robbie.

We better not let
Chuck see us like this.

He gets awfully jealous.

Chuck?

Look, uh, we're just
working together.

This is a, uh, a
professional relationship.

You know what I mean.

I know, but-but Chuck is funny

about my being
with anybody else.

He says that any girl

who keeps a boy's
sweater long enough

to wash it is-is going steady.

Well, look, he can't
stop you from just...

Split, Robbie.

W-Well, wait a
minute. We were just...

I said split.

Chuck... And stay
split, permanent!

Chuck...

Hey, come on, Chip.

I'm-I'm trying to
do my homework.

Cut it out. Okay.

Hey, what's the idea?

I'm taking your picture.

Well, I know you weren't
washing the dishes.

What did you take
my picture for?

On account, if you
become a movie star,

I want some pictures of you

when you were just
an ordinary, dumb kid.

Well, I'm not gonna
be a movie star,

so you can just cut it out.

Hey, Rob, look.

Doggone you, squirt!

Now I can't see anything.

Well, when you can
see, will you write me

about 50 autographs
so I can sell 'em to

my friends? What's the
matter with you, Chip?

It's just a small part.

It's a small part, Bub.

Just one line, that's all.

Robbie, there is no such
a thing as a small part.

No?

There are only small actors.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, th-that's a very
good way of putting it, Bub.

"There are no small
parts, just small actors."

Yeah, that's very good, Bub.

Well, as long as
you understand it.

Now, come on,
let's hear the line.

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

Well, what's the matter with it?

I want it from here.

Project!

Let's get a little tone in it.

Please pass the Bunsen burner!

Well, now, that's a
little more like it, now...

Although the line is...
is a little cold to me.

I wish there was some way
we could get her name into it.

What is her name?

Marilyn Turnthurston.

Oh, forget it.

Come on, now,
let's hear it again.

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

What's the matter with that?

You're not getting
any rhythm into it.

You're accenting the "Bun"
instead of the "Please."

Now, go and get your trumpet.

Huh?

Just do as I say and
go and get the trumpet.

I tell you, he
is, too, an actor.

Yeah, I bet.

He even gets to say
things in the picture.

Yeah, I bet. He's
gonna be famous.

Sure, I bet.

He'll have his
picture in the papers.

Yeah, I bet.

And all the movie
magazines, too.

Yeah, I bet.

I bet, too.

I want to see him act.

Come on, let's try it again.

♪ Da, da, da-da-da, da-da. ♪

You call that acting?

Now we got it. Now we got it.

Now, come on,
let's try it again.

♪ Da, da, da-da-da, da-da. ♪

Come on, try it again.

Give me some of that.

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

Now we're going.

Now you got it.

Come on, now,
once again, come on.

Please...

Come on, you guys.

Will you get out of
here? Both of you!

Boy, he sure can yell!

Didn't I tell you
he was an actor?

Can Robbie ride a horse?

I don't know.

How can he be an actor if he
don't know how to ride a horse?

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

Well, it... it's good, Robbie,
but it's not quite right.

It isn't?

No. The way you
accent the "please"

makes it sound as
though you're begging me.

As though, well,

as though I don't want
to pass you the burner.

Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right.

Then I'd have to play
the scene differently.

I mean, my action
would have to be different.

Yeah.

Well, uh, why don't we try
the whole thing over again?

Excuse me a
minute, Robbie, dear.

Yeah.

Dear?

How about that?

Chuck, I told you, we're busy!

We're rehearsing!

I thought I gave you
your orders, buster.

Look, monster,
nobody gives me orders.

Then how about my
handing you a big fat lip?

How about you trying?

Boy, that is a beaut.

Well, Chuck won't win
any beauty contest, either.

Here, Robbie, just hold
this lump of ice on it.

Want me to get Mary Lou
Gifford to beat him up for you?

Quiet, squirt.

Say, tell me, Rob,

where was Marilyn
Turnthurston during all this?

Screaming.

Boy, she sure makes
a good screamer.

Yes, sir, that is quite a mouth.

Don't you worry now, we'll
have it down by morning.

Are you sure? No.

Ed, you want to
take a look at this?

Good. The kids are relaxed.

Take it.

Everything going all right?

Cut it.

Miss Fisher, please.

That was a picture;
you were in it.

Oh, was I really?

Come down here just a second.

Gregg, we're gonna
have to come back to this

when the kids are relaxed again.

Let's get the two-shot
of the boy and the girl.

Mr. Murry, I've been thinking.

I have a splendid
idea for a shot.

Now, if we take the camera...

Miss Fisher, I am sure that

you're just full
of splendid ideas,

and I would love to spend
a month here, but we can't.

You can't? No.

Oh, no, how silly of
me. Of course you can't.

Mr. Murry, I was,
uh, I was wondering,

do you suppose
they'll, uh, show it

at the City Theater in town?

Possibly with a second feature.

Well, Miss Fisher,
our first, uh, showing

is in front of tired
business executives.

The second is at PTA meetings

when the regularly
scheduled entertainment,

uh, fails to show up.

And third, with luck,
with a lot of luck,

we might get some action
at Cub Scout meetings.

No, they will not show
it at the City Theater.

Gregg, let's get the shot.

Oh... May I help you, Mr. Gregg?

Well, thank you. Well.

No, I'll take care
of the camera. Oh.

You can move the light if
you, uh, would, please. Oh.

Fine. Where do you want it?

Right over by the bench.

All right.

Whee...

There.

There. That all right?

Whoops!

I seem to be in the way.

You sure you're all right,
uh, Miss Fisher? Ooh, yes.

Well, that's wonderful.
I'm perfectly... I'm sorry, I...

Would you mind stepping
out, then? Thank you.

All right, now the same
thing as you did yesterday.

Nothing special, right?

Right.

Easy does it, children.

Go ahead, son.

No, don't-don't
look at the camera.

Just go about your work.

Wait-wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Hold it, hold it.

Uh, son, uh, do you think that

you could, uh... just forget
that the camera's there,

and just forget all about it?

Think you can do that?

All right, that's a good show.

Now we'll, uh,
we'll try it again,

and this time, uh, I
won't even tell you

when we start the camera.

Now your line.

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

What?

What was that you said, son?

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

Oh.

Good heavens, Robbie,

what is the matter with you?

His diction is usually
so beautiful, really.

Now, you mustn't be tense.

Don't be nervous.

Remember, it's
only a motion picture.

"Please pass..." You know,
there are some days I wish

I'd gone in the
embroidery business

with my father, like he wanted.

Look, Ed, why don't you just
replace him with another kid?

No, I can't do that.

It wouldn't be fair to this
kid in front of the class.

"Bunsen burner."
We gotta use him.

I'll get it all right, Miss Fisher.
Hey, listen, I got an idea.

Now, just relax, Robert.

Loosen up those tense muscles.

Relax, relax, relax.

There we are. That better?

I think we're ready
for you, Mr. Murry.

Good luck.

Thank you, Miss Fisher.
You've been very helpful.

Uh, we're going
to do this again.

You go ahead. Uh, do
the part as you feel it.

Start your action.

Roll 'em!

What did you want to tell me?

Oh, uh,

I just wanted to say that I
thought you should've acted

a little more in
that scene, Marilyn.

You were kind of quiet.

Did you see what I
did to the matches?

Mmm... Bub showed me that.

Wait till he sees how
I built it up, though.

Hi, Chuck.

Oh, hello.

What's new with you, Chuck?

Nothing much.

What's new with you?

Nothing much.

Well, see you later, then.

Okay, bye.

Boy, Mike, wait till you
see the piece of business

I did with the matches
when I lit the Bunsen burner.

Yeah, I-I know.

Hey, you sure you
have a tie clasp in here?

In case you didn't catch on
when I said "piece of business,"

that's a thing they
say in show business

when they're gonna do
something sort of different.

Well, I caught on. Here. Oh.

Hey, Mike, do I have
to wear clean socks

just to go to Robbie's movie?

Yes.

Of course, I guess I
sort of upstaged Marilyn,

but Bub says an actor's
gotta protect himself.

I'm in two parts of the picture.

See, the first is
with the whole class,

and the, uh, the second's
a two-shot with Marilyn.

Yeah, I know, you've
been telling everybody.

A two-shot is when two
very important people

are in the same
picture at the same time.

Uh, Chip, is Sudsy or
any of your other friends

gonna be at the picture tonight?

No. Sudsy says seeing
pictures about schools

make him sick to his stomach.

Oh.

But, Chip... Yeah?

When you see me
up on the screen there,

don't go yelling and hollering
and stuff, will you, please?

Why should I?

Well, you might want
people to know that

that's your brother up there.

Only, don't do it anyhow.

It would only embarrass me.

Okay.

Okay, what?

I won't holler or yell.

Oh.

Okay, that's swell.

Come on, will you?

We're gonna be late!

All right!

Hold your horses, Rob.
We've got plenty of time.

Kind of jumpy, huh?

Well, I've had
that feeling myself

at times before an opening.

Robbie, we just want you to know

that no matter how
everything turns out,

no matter what the critics say,

you'll always have
a place in our hearts.

Our home is your home.

Oh... Slide in.

Brother, how come,
on a night like this,

Dad has to go and park the car?

Because he hates leaving
it in the middle of the street.

Take it easy; he'll be in.

I'm in two scenes.

One is at the beginning
with a bunch of the other kids,

and the other one is
what they call a, uh,

a... a two-shot with Marilyn.

Let's go.

Come on.

And here in this beautifully
equipped laboratory,

students learn
the basic chemistry

of the life around them.

Dad. Dad.

Here. Oh.

I couldn't see. Yeah.

I had to park about
two blocks away.

I didn't miss anything, did I?

No, no, my part's
still coming up. Ah.

♪ ♪

Each student develops
a special project

for the annual science exhibit

sponsored by the
Board of Education.

The students choose
their own subjects,

and they are encouraged to
show originality in their choices.

Are you in this part?

No.

This is another
school, I told you.

When are you going to be in it?

Shh.

All over the country, there
are schools such as this.

We visited another to
observe a class in physics.

In this school, physics is Here it
comes, the part I was telling you about.

A required basic science.

We watched the
students as they filed into...

There I am! There I am!

Where? You missed him.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's okay.

The big scene's still coming up.

On this day, the
class was examining

a problem in heat conduction.

Physics was once considered
a purely masculine subject.

But today this
is no longer true.

This particular class is
taught by a woman teacher,

and there are many earnest
girl students in the course.

Sharing a common interest,

the boys and girls also
share the equipment.

Here it comes!

Now I ask her for the
Bunsen burner. Watch!

Please pass the Bunsen burner.

That wasn't you, was it?

No.

We had time for a visit
to one more high school.

Were those your hands?

I don't know.

I guess so.

This fine building contains
an excellent electronics lab.

And, uh, this fine
building contains an actor

with the shortest
career on record.

Oh, Robbie?

Yeah, Dad?

I haven't had a
chance to talk to you

since that, uh,
movie the other night.

Oh, what about it?

Well, you know, Rob,
when you're young,

sometimes things
happen that, well, seem

pretty horrible at the time,
but, uh, they really aren't.

I remember once when I was
your a... Are you trying to make me

feel good about something, Dad?

Well, just let's say I'm
trying to prevent you

from feeling bad
about something.

That corny movie?

Yeah.

Ah, heck, Dad, that's just
the way the tower tumbles.

Well, that's a deep and
penetrating philosophy.

Yeah. Well, if you don't want
to make me feel good anymore,

I'm gonna go over Chuck's, okay?

You and Chuck have, uh,
gotten pretty buddy-buddy

since the battle of the
bulging lips, haven't you?

Where does, uh,
Marilyn fit in at this point?

Oh, Marilyn, the
movie queen? Yeah.

Oh, well, uh, she just
travels with the drama crowd.

Chuck and I don't rate. Uh-huh.

Well, that's the way
the tower topples, huh?

Uh, tumbles.

Yeah, yeah, tumbles.

Good-bye, Dad?

Yeah, good-bye, Rob.

That's the way
the tower tumbles.

The tower topples.

That's the way
the tower topples.

I like "topples" better.